And Whether Pigs Have Wings

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(With thanks to Terri for RPing this conversation with me. Thanks, Terri!--Maer)



Saturday, 21 Oct 2519
Bivouac, Miranda
Blue Sun (Qing Long) system
06:00 hrs, local time


        It’s not an untypical scene, though few people usually witness it. It’s ungodly early. Dawn is just breaking into full day, the sky still streaked with purples and oranges. It’s going to be a hot one later -- the late spring here is definitely warm and inside the ship moreso -- but for now it’s cool enough to lure the early birds out. And those who come outside would be treated to the sight of a tiny Asian woman seriously kicking the ass of a blonde half a foot taller.
        “Christ, Harry,” Nika grouses as she picks herself up off the ground for the eighth time. “That was unnecessary!”
        “You are out of shape and out of practice,” the petite woman replied placidly. “Before you leave here, that will be fixed or I will know why.” And she launched a complex series of karate kicks and punches at Nika without warning, not waiting for the pilot to fully regain her feet.
        The battle is fast and mostly silent, punctuated by grunts and gasps when one or the other lands a solid hit. And it’s no-holds-barred.

 ***

        As had become my habit since our return from Pala, I checked the temperature on waking. The panel at my door declared it 67°F/19.4°C. I checked the time: 06:15 hrs. I sighed. The season was galloping toward summer and it wasn’t getting any cooler. My work list had me outside for the day and crawling on the hull would be excruciating once the sun got higher.
        Enough malingering. Get up. Move.
        I rose and pulled on a tee and cargos for comfort in the heat, grabbed my tool belt and slung it on. Boots came next. I exited my quarters with the uppers unzipped and the laces trailing as I made my way to the galley to grab a cold water to take with me. Christian had left bread and cheese on the counter for us, nothing that couldn’t sit out, and I plucked the topmost roll off the plate and bit into it.
        Fresh. Huh. Where’d he get the flour? After a decade lying around, the stuff should have been nothing but weevil husks.
        I ate the roll as I put my boots to rights and straightened when both were done. I gained the top hull through the shuttle access and squinted in the growing light. The external grav router was the first priority. It had failed on us that trip inbound to Deadwood and this was the first opportunity I had to double check the repair job. I strode for’ard, pulled my power drill from its holster, and got to work.
        I’d only just got the access panel off when I heard voices to port. Craning my neck, I caught movement past the hull and curious, I edged closer to the side to investigate.

 ***

        The slap-thunk sounds of hands, feet, arms, and legs hitting one another as the women fought was almost rhythmic. As Rina peered over the top, the movement caught Nika’s eye and distracted her from a roundhouse to the torso that literally launched her off her feet and landed her several feet away, flat on her back in the dirt and unable to suck in a breath.
        Harry paused her forward momentum and didn’t even look behind her. “If Rina were a Reaver, you would be dead,” she states flatly. There is a sigh. “Two hours every day since we got here almost and this is your performance, Xiao Mei? Abysmal,” she tsks.

 ***

        Curiosity battled responsibility and the need for friendship warred with the imperative to get the ship fixed. I compromised by returning to the router and yelling over my shoulder loudly enough so the women on the ground forty feet below could hear.
        “Slow, Nika. Slow. Keep an eye on your twelve-high. And your six.”

 ***

        Wheezing for air, Nika climbs slowly to her feet. A string of breathless epithets later, she admits to Harry, “I think you cracked something.”
        Immediately, Harry steps out of her ‘ready’ pose and moves to help Nika steady herself. “It’s good that your instincts are still sharp, Xiao Mei,” she smiles. “You’re not doing as poorly as you might think.”
        Nika grins at the smaller woman and comments, “No, I know. It’s tough love, right?”
        “Perhaps it is merely payback for running off instead of yelling at us when you needed to.” Harry smiles, though. The two women have already dealt with that.
Nika throws an arm around Harry in a quick hug. Though she is rarely one for physical displays, Harry returns the tight hug for a very long moment. Then she shoos Nika off. “Go have your doctor check the ribs. I pulled the kick when I realized you weren’t blocking, they shouldn’t be broken. But better to check.” And when the blonde slips away, it’s with a smile.


 ***

        The router appeared fine, but I tightened the connections anyway, wiped a bit of grime off, and sat back on my heels. I had the vane couplings to inspect next, and one of the thruster fairings seemed loose. I bolted the panel back down and smoothed a hand over it, checking the fit.
        Nice and tight. One down, more to go. Keep moving.
        I closed my eyes and gauged the temp of the hull: cool enough for now. I thought back on what I’d just seen below, considered the repair priorities and decided there was nothing that couldn’t wait an hour. Nika wasn’t the only one getting rusty in her combat skills and I was too jittery with excess energy this morning to focus on the job. Perhaps I could ask Harry for a round in the ring and work it off.
        I went to the side and looked over the edge.
        “Harry? You got a minute?”

 ***

        She’s sitting on the ground near where Rina last saw her, looking directly at the engineer when she looks over the edge, as if she’d been waiting there for exactly that. “I do,” Harry replies. “Come down.”

 ***

        “Be there in one.”
        I skinned through the topside hatch and hit the stairs down to the airlock, my progress aided by the fact we’d left all the doors and accesses open to ventilate the Gift. The dirt puffed under my boots as I walked to where Harry waited in the shadow of the hull and I noted that it would only get dustier as the day wore on. We’ll have to close up the Gift soon. I really don’t want grit contamination on top of everything else to deal with. I pulled up in front of Harry and nodded.
        “I’m too keyed up to concentrate on repairs,” I said to her. “Help me work it off?”

 ***

        Harry studies her with a thoughtful eye. “You’re a brawler -- if a straight exercise match is what you want, I can accommodate you, but Shyla’d be a better match for your style.” She has both arms resting on her upraised knees while she looks up at Rina.

 ***

        “Straight’s fine, though I could use some practice with the other, too.” It was true. In the two-plus weeks since my collapse, I’d noticed a distressing deterioration in my overall skills, a consequence of taking it easy for the sake of my arm and general lack of practice. Harry was the best I’d seen in the arena, faster than even Mike. Anything I managed to learn from her would be priceless. I doffed my tool belt and hung it on the strut for safekeeping. “Since you’re here, we can start on the first and get to the second later. Will that suit?”

 ***

        Harry offers a shrug and moves to get to her feet. “Certainly.” She gestures further from the ship so as to not have either of them bouncing off the ship itself, taking a ready stance when they arrive. She gives Rina the age-old ‘c’mon, hit me’ gesture.

 ***

        I dropped into a sweep kick, going for her legs, and my shoulder stabbed as I pivoted on my left arm. I managed to use the momentum of my spin to twist upright again, leading with my fist.

 ***

        Harry’s eyes skim over Rina briefly, and she launches a series of punches and kicks in quick succession, looking to drive the Russian woman backward without putting too much strain on the healing shoulder for this round. Getting a feel for how good she actually is in a fight.

 ***

        I slapped her fist to the side and blocked her follow-through with my arm, pivoted to avoid a kick but couldn’t miss the punch she landed on my ribs. I backpedaled, keeping my head up and my eyes on her, and caught my breath. I rushed her with a double punch-kick combination to get inside her guard, knowing as I did it I was still too stiff to pull it off.
        Dammit. Just call me walking Reaver-bait.

 ***

        Even as Rina moves in for the punches, Harry blocks the first and merely dodges the second. Judging in that brief earlier assessment that Rina wouldn’t quit until she was put down, and noting how stiff the shoulder was, the weaponsmaster followed Rina’s attack with a sweep of her own to down the engineer hampered only by her desire not to hurt Rina’s already-bad shoulder.

 ***

        I saw it coming, tried to evade, and failed. The ground slammed into me and I literally saw stars. I put my hands under me and pushed and my shoulder said, No.

        I spit dirt and simply breathed, and waited for the pain to stop.

 ***

        Harry remained silently exactly where she stood, waiting to see whether Rina was going to accept this as the end of the fight or if she was going to continue. The shoulder wasn’t going to hold up to much more, by her reckoning.

 ***

        I rolled over and sat up, blowing hard, and scrambled back to my feet. I stood sideways, leading with my uninjured shoulder and said, “Again.”

 ***

        Harry merely smiled. She would put the stubborn one down one more time before calling it off. Circling under Rina’s wary gaze, Harry feinted with a strike toward the bad arm, pivot at the last second to bring herself in close and give Rina a solid elbow to the ribcage.

 ***

        Tighten your gut before the blow lands, Mike’s voice came back to me. Roll with the punch.
        I suffered that elbow to my ribs even as I threw my left arm around Harry’s neck from her blind side, taking her down with me. I scissored my legs around her waist and straightened them in a clinch-hold. I grabbed a fistful of her hair with my free hand and hung on, expecting her to buck.

 ***

        As the women fall, there are any number of ways that Harry can counter the move Rina just used, but most would wrench the woman’s bad arm far too badly -- and this is supposed to be practice, not all-out brawling. Instead of doing as expected, Harry goes entirely limp when they land and says, “Rina, I could force you to release me in several ways, every one of which would be excruciating to your injured shoulder and get me into quite a lot of trouble with Arden. Shall we call this one finished?”

 ***

        “Fine.”

        Had I been in better condition, my answer would have been to flip my opponent under me and put her in a sleeper hold. My shoulder would never take it, however, and common sense won out over pride and I let her go. My shoulder gave me an ungrateful stab for my decision and I sat up, breathing past the pain. I flexed my fingers against the pin and needles, making a fist several times to work through it, and rotated my shoulder to settle it.
        “That got the blood pumping.” I looked up at Harry as she rose and dusted off. “Thanks.”

 ***

        Harry offered Rina an easy smile. “You’re doing well, considering the state that shoulder has been in.” She eyed the other woman and offered a hand up. “Cutting off your nose to spite your face is a bad habit. I’m glad to see you’re breaking it.”

 ***

        “But it fits my penitential mood so well, Harry.” I barked a laugh and let her help me up. “Why mess with it?”

 ***

        There’s a chuckle. “I’ll happily help you work out that arm further when it’s stronger,” Harry says. “Even I’m afraid of Arden,” she quips.

 ***

        “Somehow, I find that hard to believe,” I said, looking at her narrowly. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get Christian to work his magic on it later.”

 ***

        “Good,” Harry replies, seeming quite at ease with the idea. “Tell him to work the rotator cuff gently; it’s still swollen and the nerves are aggravated.” She moves back toward the spot of shade she’d been sitting in while she waited for Rina to approach.

 ***

        I joined her and wiped my face on my shirt. I sighed and looked at the landscape in front of us.
        “Why did you plant that idea in my head about Christian, Harry? I was fine where I was.”

 ***

        Propping both elbows on her upraised knees once more, her feet spread in front of her, Harry paused and considered her responses. “You were coping. But you weren’t fine. When you speak of Michael Carter, there’s a .... tension there. When the men on your crew, the men you should trust above all others, walk into the room, there are times when you react as if you’d rather be anywhere else. Especially with this cameraman.”

 ***

        “Jake’s not crew, not to me. He’s a passenger with extra privileges. Privileges I’d rather see shoved out the airlock with his cameras attached. But I owe him. He took out that Reaver when by rights it should have killed me. So karmically, I’m on the hook,” I growled, not liking the admission. “Arden, Rick and Christian...they’re well enough. Really. I’m just better with machines than people. And as for Mike...he has secrets I have to keep and when he’s not here I have to gauge what to tell and what not. And I miss him. That’s always a stone cold bitch to deal with. But really, I would have gotten better about all of it, given time. Why jump start it?”

 ***

        Harry chuckles at Rina’s take on Jake, not commenting. “You’ve been with this crew a year, Rina.” She looks at the younger woman. “How much longer do you want to let one man’s actions rule your life? You have a unique opportunity while we are stuck here to face and deal with your past in a way that you’ve never done before. We are isolated and unlikely to be disturbed at this juncture. Enforced downtime.” She shrugged slightly. “And in your own mind, you had doubts already.”

 ***

        “Doubts aren’t the same thing as doing a one-eighty. Which is what your damned comment is leading me toward. I’m not entirely sure I’m easy with that.”
        I took a deep breath and moderated my tone.
        “I’m flying blind, here. I know this is a golden opportunity to hammer out my issues. I get that. But Christian wants to wait til we’re back in the Black before we go much further and I’m tempted to let things slide til then.” I slid a look at the weaponsmaster. “And tempted once, it’s easier to give in to temptation again, til it’s easier to do nothing at all. And nothing changes. That wasn’t what you had in mind, was it?”

 ***
        Harry looks at Rina and asks candidly, “Why do you assume that to get past what was done, it requires crossing the sexual lines with him? It didn’t come from me. In point of fact, my suggestion was that you allow him to help you get beyond the fact that even casual touching disturbs you. That you hide within your coveralls as if they’re body armor.”

 ***

        “Because it all starts from there,” I answered her as candidly. I stared at the landscape then and listened to the birds making their morning racket. “You were in the war. You know what it’s like. It’s not all honor amongst soldiers. Throw men and women together in close quarters on a ship, shit’s bound to happen. My experience was...brutal and recurring and the bastard picked the wrong woman to abuse, threatened the one thing I’d kill to keep. I survived. He didn’t. But it didn’t end there. Mike did what he could to help me glue everything back together but he couldn’t heal everything. I managed the rest on my own. It wasn’t perfect but it worked, and it’s enough. I have the love a good man, Harry. I don’t have it every night, but when I have it, it’s complete. Everything else is… negotiable.”
        I looked at her again.
        “And I can see the circles in my argument already. Look. I’ve come to realize that my issues with men in general stem from my issue with one man in particular. He’s dead. What he did to me isn’t. I have to face it and like anyone with a phobia, sometimes the best method for getting rid of it is exposure to the trigger. As often as it takes til it no longer trips. I don’t believe for a minute I can turn into a nymphomaniac, but I might come out of this less paranoid about men in general...and sex in particular. Not that I expect this to make any kind of sense, not when I’m still trying to get a handle on it.”

 ***

        The calm face that Harry gives back is not merely neutral. There’s sympathy there. “If what I said to you put you in mind that you need to be unfaithful to your lover, Rina, I apologize. It was not what I intended when I challenged you. Be true to yourself, no matter how you go about this. But don’t .... overcompensate in the way that you confront it. In spite of what triggered the problem, correcting it does not require you to go against your entire belief structure about fidelity and relationships.”

 ***

        “Right now, I’m not sure what I believe anymore, or where that line is. I know it’s a line Mike’s had to cross for the sake of the job, and I’m fine with that. I know how well he compartmentalizes. That I’ve stayed behind it on my end, even when we can’t formalize our relationship by marrying...I know some would think I’m crazy for maintaining it. Maybe I am. Or maybe I’m not, but too scared to cross it because of my past experience. And that doesn’t seem healthy either. Either way, there’s doubt. So you see where I’m stuck. I want to find out which side I’m really on.”
        I sighed, planted my elbows on my knees and raked my hands through my hair.
        “Maybe the longer I do this, the closer I get to crossing that line, the better I’ll be able to define where I stand and what I’m willing to do. Staying safe behind my walls won’t take me there. Leaving my comfort zone will. I can always stop and take a step back. I trust Christian to give me the space to do that.”

 ***

        A rueful smile creases Harry’s cheeks as she listens. “There are as many kinds of relationships in the Verse as there are people to have them,” she comments quietly. “Whatever works for you is what you should go with, and let no one tell you otherwise.”

 ***

        “I’m sure you know by now that giving me advice is always a dicey proposition.” I grinned sardonically at her. “But look at it this way: a year ago I’d have decked you rather than consider it, and Christian would have been in a world of hurt for laying a finger on me the way he’s done now for...what, eight weeks? I’m improving, Harry. Even ice ages don’t last forever. Glaciers eventually melt and the landscape they reveal is sometimes better than the one they covered.”

 ***

        The Asian woman chuckles, her laughter warm and easy. “You are more stubborn than Xiao Mei, Rina... and that’s saying something.”

 ***

        “Maybe that’s why she and I get along so well. We speak each other’s language. Speaking of language...” I rose and straightened my shirt, tucked it in. “I hate to cut out of the middle of our conversation, but if I don’t get back to work, that hull will be too hot to touch without swearing. Can I swing by and finish this later?”

 ***

        Harry nods easily. “I’ll be in shortly. A shower is calling my name first. Xiao Mei’s had me out since....” There’s a laugh as she says it in a tone of a woman well used to being told that it’s odd times, “oh-four-twenty-one.”

 ***

        I did the math in my head and chuckled. “That would be about two hours after I turned in. God, I’m such a goldbricker. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t stay on-task this morning. Thanks, Harry. I needed to work out the jittters. Stop by my door if you’re free. I’ll keep it open for you.”
        I took my tool belt from the strut where I’d hung it, slung it on and got back to work. If I hurried, I could get most of the list done before the heat drove me off and I could spend the remaining hours before our midday break doing circuit boards. If I was lucky, I could do it in the hospital where the AC was running.
        And not so coincidentally, get Arden to look at my shoulder. Just in case.


Since this is an RP rather than Journal entry, links to the timeline are included here.

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