Backstop
(Kudos goes to Andy, without whom this RP wouldn't have been even a tenth as fun to write. Thanks, Andy. You ROCK!--Maer)
Tuesday, 01 Oct 2520
Kuiper II Class, Summer’s Gift
En Route to Pericles Station
20:30 hrs, ship’s time.
A couple hours after he finished cleaning up the dinner dishes, Joshua went looking for Rina in the engine room. If she was working on getting her bearings, she'd do it there. Her domain. He had stepped wrong with Rina in the galley, his domain; only fair that he apologized to her in hers. Hopefully he had given her enough time to work it out, but the unresolved words between them left a hard lump in his stomach that he needed to remove sooner rather than later.
***
Dinner was delicious, so everyone said. I barely tasted it. I ate quickly and got out of there and headed back to the engine room. No one commented on it. I’d done it often enough for legitimate reasons and doubtless they thought the same when I went aft. I let them go on thinking it.
Everything I’d scheduled to get done had already been finished. Nothing lay waiting for my attention. Not that that was ever a problem. I yanked the deck plates and crawled under them and found something tedious and painstaking to do. Retracing the fire suppression system was always good for killing a couple of hours, necessitating a manual check of each individual nozzle on the dispersal lines, testing for pressure and content. There were fifty of them underfoot alone, and more along the walls and suspended in the ceiling.
Good for at least two hours.
I rolled over on my back, pushed up my sleeves, and got to work.
***
When Joshua found Rina, she was working on...well, something. He knew enough to know that whatever she was doing, it wasn't crucial. But without taking the time to observe her, he couldn't say exactly what it was she had her hands on. It didn't matter anyway. He was patient.
He quietly leaned himself up against a bulkhead and waited for her to be ready to talk to him.
***
I heard footsteps thrumming on the deck plates overhead and squinting through the grating I could make out a pair of shoes—standard issue Navy oxfords. Recognizing them, I resolved to make their owner wait.
At least to the end of this row.
I knew the conversation was coming and I wasn't particularly interested in having it. Still, I was honest enough to admit the reason for it, and the fault, was strictly mine. But I worked until I'd reached a good stopping point, slapped a tail of duct tape on the line to mark my place and sat up, lifting the plate clear of my head as I rose.
"Joshua," I said in greeting as I hauled out. "What brings you here?"
***
"Just came to apologize." He thought for a second for the right word. "Ya sozhaliu."
He pushed himself away from the bulkhead. "I'll leave you to retracing the fire suppression system." Enough observation time had passed for his Blue Sun training, for a lack of a better word, to kick in. Before joining the Gift, he had never really thought about how it worked. Now, he imagined little nanobots hard at work rearranging the pathways in his brain, enabling him to pass as a mechanic. Until they put his brain back the way they found it, anyway. It was kind of creepy, he had to admit. No wonder you didn't think about it before.
***
“Ni vasha obshibka. Not your fault.” It wasn’t, really. I could hardly blame him for something he had nothing to do with. It wasn’t his finger on the verdict button that set my sentence, neither was it his rapacity that set me on my current path. I sighed. “Joshua. Wait.”
***
He stopped in mid-stride, and spun around on one heel. "I'll wait, but as long as we're okay, I'm good." And he was, really. Mostly just sorry that he managed to step wrong again and ruin a perfectly pleasant cooking lesson.
***
He had the look of a twelve-year old boy wanting to please and willing to take the blame for the sake of mending fences, and it damned near broke me. I couldn’t let him do it. I pulled out the chair from the console and giving it a push, shoved it across the floor to him.
“Close the door. Have a seat.”
I hooked a spare shop chair with my foot and rolled it under my selfish ass, sitting down and waiting for him to join me.
***
A long history of following orders kicked in, and without even thinking, Joshua caught the chair with one hand, leaning backward to close the door with the other one. He shook his head a little as he rolled the chair forward a little and slowly sat down in it. That was a habit that needed to be broken somehow.
"I wasn't kidding when I said it was my mistake. It could have been prevented," he said firmly.
***
“How?” If he wanted to hog the blame, I wanted to hear why.
***
"You hadn't noticed the misspeak. All I had to do was change the name as I repeated it." He shrugged his shoulders casually. "Then that would have been that. If I had been on mission and made an avoidable error like that, my handler would let me know it." Loudly. Virgil had been nice, but he didn't have a lot of tolerance for mistakes.
***
“True. You could have. Not to lay blame or anything, but why didn’t you?” Knowing his background in espionage, I wondered why.
***
"I don't want secrets between us, Rina. With Blue Sun, my entire life was a secret from the very person living it." He motioned around him. "With the Gift, I have a chance to live a life with people where I don't have to keep secrets from them."
He paused, knowing he was on delicate ground. "I'll keep the secrets that aren't mine, the ones I've been trusted with. But I don't want to put myself in a position where I'm hiding things from the crew...from my friends."
***
"I see." Or at least, I thought I did. "And if I asked you never to repeat that name where anyone could overhear it, even here, I'd be forcing you to compromise your principles. Is that it?"
***
"My secrets are not the same as your secrets. Me hiding that I had heard that name? That's my secret. You asking me not to speak it again? That's your secret. I'll keep your secrets. I can't do less. I just don't want to create any more of my own."
***
"Then I won't ask. I'd rather trust your discretion than saddle you with an unlooked-for responsibility. It was my inattention, not yours, that started this rolling. I was lucky no one else got involved." I sighed and scrubbed my face, realizing too late my hands would make a mess of it. Oddly appropriate, considering the nature of covers and masks. "Thank you for coming to me about it. I didn't expect you to backstop me, but I appreciate it. I do."
***
"You don't have to ask, Rina. That name doesn't exist for me anymore. That's your secret and I'll keep it for you." And he looked at her. "Backstop me? I don't think I know that expression."
***
" 'An arrangement between two persons for the express purpose of establishing a cover story or an alibi'," I said. "Which is close enough to what we're doing as makes no difference. My cover is my life right here." I tapped the deck with my booted toe. "I'm in it deep and I’m in it for life. I can never come in from the cold. That's the way it is. Most days I can forget that name and the past that goes with it. Today in the galley, I remembered and let it slip. It won't stop the Russian lessons," I added. "That's not going away. But if I seem a little tense for the next little while, it's just me shoring up my....boxes, compartmentalizing things a little tighter. Okay?"
***
Joshua let out a laugh and then clapped a hand over his mouth. "Sorry," he said, as he got his laughter under control. "I just think it's funny. You're packing all your boxes tighter and I'm unpacking all mine. Aren't we a pair?"
He did feel better now that it had gotten straightened out. For two people that were opposites in so many different ways, he enjoyed spending time with Rina. Life's a majestic bitch goddess with a serious sense of the ironic, that's for sure.
A stray thought glided across his mind and he let it fly free. "Hey, if we're still keeping up with the Russian lessons, do you still want to get some more cooking lessons? I promise not to flirt with you." He paused for dramatic effect. "As much."
***
“Da,” I said, giving him a slow grin. “I’d like that.”
***
Like the flirting less part? Or the cooking part? That would teach him to leave it wide open like that. He smiled at her and said, "Good, I'm glad."
***
"I know this is going to sound odd, coming as it is from left field but if you're interested in a little cross-training, and teaching me to cook certainly qualifies, would you like to see how some of the stuff in here works? If you find yourself with nothing else to do, you could come find me. I wouldn't mind knowing I had an extra hand when we need one. We need Nika and Arden too much in their specialties to yank them back here." I looked down at the deck, not wanting to pressure him. "That's if you're interested."
***
“Speaking about out of left field," Joshua said, "have I ever told you what my other ability from Blue Sun is?" He leaned over in the chair and smiled to try and get her attention from where she had trained it on the deck floor. "I promise it will circle back to a positive answer to your question."
***
"What is it?" I looked up, intrigued by his tone.
***
The hook had been planted. Time to slowly reel it in. He grinned wide at her. "You've actually been a recipient of it, you know. But I don't think I've really explained what it is. Although I certainly can't explain why it works. That's one for the brain doctors."
He paused, continuing to smile at her, but this time with a bit of an evil grin. Which of course, was dangerous, considering she could smack him around if she got impatient with him. But sometimes it was worth taking the risk to have some fun.
***
"Just tell me." I narrowed my eyes at him, a warning if he cared to heed it. "I don't play head games with friends. I hope the courtesy is reciprocated."
***
"Not head games. But since I value my health..." He grew serious and scooted a little closer in the chair, the wheels softly squeaking on the deck floor.
"Remember when I performed surgery on you?" Joshua asked, and then continued on without waiting for an answer. "I couldn't perform a surgery right now if my life depended on it. My mimic skills go a little beyond just being able to do voices."
***
"Why then and not now?" I was going to ride right past the part with him leaning over me with a scalpel, thanks. "What's different with now?"
***
"It doesn't last long. Basically for as long as I needed and then about a day after." It never had seemed particularly scientific how long it lasted. Of course not having any idea how it really worked might explain that. "Is it based on my ability to read? Is it based on some other brain surgery they performed? Maybe it is the drug. Heck if I know."
He shrugged his shoulders. "It does work though. 10 minutes observation and I can do just about anything that I can watch being performed."
***
“Is it possible for you to learn anything new and retain it? Like making new memories and retaining them? I mean, doing it the old fashioned way. Apparently the accelerated learning process is temporary, like cramming for an exam and then forgetting everything afterward.”
***
He nodded. "I can cook, if you'll remember our lesson from earlier, minus the disastrous ending." He chuckled. "I guess my random point was to make sure you could use this talent when you needed an extra hand in here...*and* I really would like you to show me around and teach me some basics. Sometimes you need to do something and don't have ten minutes to wait. I kept thinking I would ask you to let me help so I could learn, but I was nervous about stepping too far into your territory."
***
"All you had to do was ask. Although a little respect in the asking goes a long way toward a 'yes'," I added, grinning. "Which you've more than done. We can start now if you want."
***
He stood up quickly out of his chair, setting it to spinning. "So, what are we waiting for?"
***
“Coveralls,” I said promptly. “You’re gonna get dirty. You still have the ones I lent you?”
***
He nodded as his multiband on his wrist beeped. "That's good timing. I'm scheduled to take my drug now. I'll go back and take care of that and change into the coveralls at the same time."
He looked at her. "I'll be back in a few?" He hoped she didn't mind waiting.
***
"Go. I'll be here."
***
It only took him about 10 minutes. Thankfully, the Flomoxipan was a quick prep and he quickly discovered why Rina must like the coveralls - ease of use. He made his way back to the engine room and looked for Rina.
***
The next hour went well. I showed Joshua the status console and everything on it. Where the kill switch was and the circumstances that required tripping it. The fire suppression system, how it worked.
"You want to take a break?" I judged he was looking a little glassy-eyed and needed some time to let it all sink in.
***
He nodded briefly. It was a tremendous amount to take in. He had a little experience with mechanical things, but nothing on the complexity level of a ship's engine. "Thanks, Rina." He sat back down in the chair that he had originally started from. She did a good job explaining things though.
***
I pulled open a drawer beneath the console and took out a couple of water bottles.
"Here," I said, tossing one to him. "It gets warmer in here than you think."
I took up my chair, broke the seal on the cap, and started chugging it down.
***
Joshua broke the cap on his own bottle and took a few sips. Not surprisingly, she was right. He was thirstier than he had realized. He took a couple larger sips. "I can tell how much you love your engine," he said, closing the cap on the bottle and putting down on the floor next to the chair.
***
I swallowed quickly. A little too quickly as a drop of water skipped past my tongue and jumped down my windpipe. A coughing fit ensued.
***
He rolled closer up to her in concern. "Are you okay, Rina? Don't choke and die on me, please."
***
"No, I'm good...," I husked, eyes watering. I coughed some more. Hard. "I'm fine."
***
"You don't sound fine." He gave her a questioning look. "Am I going to have to give you mouth-to-mouth?"
***
"Am I going to have to pop you one?”
***
And he quickly rolled back. "And....you're fine."
***
"Sorry. I hate it when people fuss over me," I said, clearing the last of the water from my throat. I gave him an apologetic smile and took a more cautious sip of water. "No harm done. You were saying?"
***
"I was joking about mouth-to-mouth...you realize that right?" He never could be sure, which he suddenly realized was one of the reasons he liked hanging out with her. "Anyway," he said, "I was just saying that it is obvious how much you love your engine."
***
"Mouth-to-mouth is never a joking matter. But anyway," I echoed, "you're right about the engine." I could feel the old habit to clam up coming on and resisted it. I swept the board with a practiced eye, watching the gauges and back-checking what they said with what I could hear. "At the moment, she's barely breaking a sweat."
***
"Why should she," he asked, "when you keep her in such great shape?" He could see his kitchen in here, every part with its own unique place and purpose, everything in an order that fit the environment, and a caretaker who loved it all.
"Thank you for sharing her with me for a little while."
***
"I thought maybe a little quid pro quo wouldn't go amiss. You let me bull around in your china shop, I thought maybe you'd like seeing mine. Which reminds me..." I rose and pulled the wrench from my pocket. "Now that you've had the cook's tour, you wanna get your hands dirty?"
***
"With you? Always." He reached down to the water bottle, opened it up again and took a few more swigs. Hot in the engine room, and hotter when doing actual work, he imagined. "Hand me a tool and I'll do whatever you ask."
***
"Okay."
And I took him at his word. I introduced him to the task he'd interrupted. Within minutes I had him on his back in the crawlspace and checking the pressure and the seals on the nozzles while I knelt on the plates above and called down the instructions. I let him finish to the end of the row and lifted the deck plate so he could sit up.
"Swap out. My turn to play."
***
Joshua found that he was surprised at how much he enjoyed himself. Something about the rules and directions and the order of it. He'd be in real trouble if the ship got in real trouble and it was all chaos and instinct. There was a reason why Rina was the engineer. He crawled out and made room for Rina. "Play away, milady." There would be no calling out of instructions from him. He would sit and watch. And learn.
***
I looked askance at the ‘milady’ but waited til I had the deck plates between us before commenting.
“ ‘Milady’? What brought that on?”
I quickly checked three nozzles and was working on the fourth before he managed to reply.
***
"Does there need to be a reason? I'm in a good mood and I'm enjoying spending time with you."
He shook his head in disbelief at how fast she moved. Truly in her element. "If it bothers you," he said, "I'll stop. But I didn't mean anything by it."
***
Damn. There you go, jabbing at people to make them leave you alone.
"I...don't know if it bothers me," I said, moving to the next nozzle. "It might surprise you, or it might not, but I don't take compliments well. I distrust them."
***
Didn't take compliments well? He was shocked. Ok, not really. He let his voice drop a little. "Look, Rina. I like you. I like you as a crewmate, I like you as a friend, I even like you as a potential bed-partner and flirting target." She was definitely fun to flirt with, even if he was never quite sure whether she was flirting back. Half the fun, he supposed.
"I know I've been serious and depressed and lost basically since you've known me," he continued, "but when all is right with my world, I like having fun. That means I'm going to end up complimenting you sometimes or calling you silly names. If it would make you feel better, you can ignore my names and compliments and I'll ignore you ignoring them."
He grinned a wide smile that made his face light up. "Call it compliment detente."
***
At his last comment I couldn't resist a laugh. It only supported the truth of his statement about having fun.
"Okay, detente noted. And if you violate the treaty, I won't slam you too hard for it."
***
"So now," Joshua said, continuing to watch her work, "I'll be a good boy and stop distracting you from your play...I mean, work."
***
I sat up again, dodging the plates, the work forgotten for a moment.
"What did you do for fun between jobs? Back when you were still with Blue Sun?"
***
"This is the part where I impress you by explaining how I climbed massive mountain ranges, surfed massive waves, and free-falled from the top of the Core's tallest buildings." He shook his head and laughed.
He scratched the side of his chin as he thought back to the few moments of free time. "I used to hang out with the other kids in the Academy, but we all kind of got separated. All on different schedules, I suppose." It really had been an isolated life now that he looked back at it.
"Cooking, of course, was my big one. But you know that," he said. "Movies were my other big one. Good ones, bad ones, it didn't matter. Adriana and I used to watch those really bad romance movies together - not the good ones, but the really sappy ones. She hated them, but she got as much entertainment by poking fun at them as I did just watching them."
He fell silent for a minute. "Sorry, diverged into a different direction. But I guess no more movies for me without the Cortex."
***
"It'll be back up. It's too important to the infrastructure to leave down for long. Whoever engineered the shutdown has my professional admiration, because it would not have been easy." I hauled out of the crawlspace and sat on the deck, dangling a leg and swinging it. "As for diverging in that different direction, it's okay. I know you had a life before you came to us and you had relationships. Humans do that."
***
"It wasn't a real relationship." Joshua said it with a flat finality. Fake job, fake relationship, fake life. He suddenly wondered if it was arrogance to assume he was the only real thing to come out of a place that was completely staged.
***
"I'm sorry, Joshua." I moved over and knelt before him, giving his knee a gentle squeeze. "I didn't mean to bring up anything painful. I’m sorry she hurt you. You deserve better.”
***
"Just another tally on Blue Sun's list of ways they screwed me over." He shook his head and patted her hand. Which had a noticeable amount of grease on it. Not like he was a lot cleaner. "My fault for letting a bitch who pretended to love me for money get in the way of talking about fun. Soooo..."
He looked at Rina, covered in oil and muck from working underneath the plating, and smiled. "Other than getting covered in grease, what do you do for fun?"
***
"The way I see it, the fault was entirely Blue Sun's. And the shliushka bitch they hired to whore herself out to you. Not yours." God, the very idea of it made me sick. And angry. I cleared my throat and got a grip. I didn't want Joshua to think my anger was aimed at him. "Don't waste another precious second blaming yourself. You were isolated and you had no other outlet. You were human and you did the human thing: you believed her. I hope she treated you well.
"And as for fun?" I remembered to add, hoping to lighten the mood. "If I have the time, I like to organize my tools."
I looked down at the deck with a faint grimace.
"It's a quirk of mine."
***
"You and I really are a pair, Rina. Our definitions of fun are listed under boring in most people's dictionaries. But that's ok. Screw them," he said, waving a hand in the air at the imaginary normal people.
He laughed. "You know, I didn't even get to sleep with her. All the fun of a fake relationship with none of the sexual benefits. Really, all you can do is laugh."
"But this," he said, motioning between the two of them and then around the room, "this is fun. And if I had to get metaphorically...but not physically screwed by Blue Sun to get to meet you, then that's ok."
***
I gaped. God help me, but it was all I could do.
***
He reached forward, and with a small smile on his face, gently put his fingers under her jaw and closed her mouth. Then he leaned to the side and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you, Rina, for being so good to me. And for me."
***
His touch was feather light and it went right through me, making me ache for more. With his face next to mine, I was close, so very very close to being stupid.
***
He had been so very, very close to just kissing her on those lips right there. Instead, he had smartly (stupidly?) kissed her on the cheek instead. He brushed his hand across her cheek as he pulled his face away a little from hers, hopefully preventing the temptation to do something more.
***
Oh, hell. Stupid works.
There was only one way I knew how to handle something like this and I didn’t dare dither. I had to resolve the issue and no matter what happened next, I’d have my answer. I grabbed him by his coveralls before he could completely pull away.
“Joshua. Do you want me?”
***
"Rina, I thought that you knew that there is serious lust in my heart...and other places... for you." Joshua looked at her hands grabbing his coveralls and then back to that beautiful face of hers. "But I don't want to end up hurting you."
He put his hands over hers. "I don't want my weakness and inability to resist the temptation of flirting with you to mess things up."
***
How did Christian and Nika manage it? Just go in, do what they wanted, and walk away afterward? Something Nika said once came back to me: It is what it is.
So, what was it?
Need. Not love. Not the sort that made you stay forever. Just a chance to take a moment and be...human. Normal. Alive. To share it and be comforted.
Was it really that simple? Or was it selfishness disguised as virtue? Joshua said it himself: it was lust. Nothing virtuous at all.
Very well.
"You can't hurt me. That was done years ago." I eased back and released him. "If flirting is all you want, then flirt. If you want more, then ask. But I can’t tell you what to do. I’m not Blue Sun. You’re not my puppet. Your life. Your call. And please, call it soon, because I don’t think I can keep this up without knowing where we’re taking it.”
I let out a breath and eased further back.
“You can’t hurt me, Joshua. I just hope that I don’t end up hurting you.”
***
Six weeks ago, he wouldn't have been ready for this moment. Heck, maybe even three weeks ago. But he had finally found his footing. And if he was going to live for the moment and enjoy it as it came, he was damn well going to live for the moment.
Joshua quickly leaned forward and kissed Rina on the lips. Stiff at first from surprise, her lips quickly became soft and warm and yielding. She tasted sweet, an unexpected flavor that was somehow still uniquely her. A warm tingle of electricity slowly moved up his spine until it infused him completely with shivers. And he pulled away just a little. Wow. That was...intense. And nice.
He looked at her, his face still close to hers, the warmth of her lips still lingering on his. "What's the point of a real life if I don't risk getting hurt? And if it is all going to be like that, bring on the pain. It'll be worth it."
***
I should have seen it coming.
Shock made me stiffen as he put his mouth on mine, and arousal—instant and blistering—made me loosen and let him in. His fingers stroked my face, my neck, my collarbone and every square inch of me wanted more. He pulled away, I caught my breath, and with the last bit of brains I had left I listened to what he said.
“Good point.” And grabbing him by the collar, I kissed him and pulled him onto me.
***
Their lips stayed locked as they rolled about the floor of the engine room, his hands finding all sorts of interesting curves through Rina's coveralls. This second kiss was long and fiery hot and somehow even better than the first, which he hadn't thought was possible. If it keeps escalating like this, I'll be dead from excitement before morning, he thought. But a pleasant death, for sure.
As the kiss seemed to go on forever, he decided that rolling over the wrenches and loose bolts didn't bother him so much. It was the sharp, unidentified engine part jabbing him in the side that forced him to break away from Rina's lips and curves and sit up, breathing heavily. "Your engine is poking me," he said, which suddenly struck him as both incredibly lewd and funny and he started laughing. "Sorry, I think you're making me giddy."
***
"That ain't all that's pokin'," I said and scrambled to my feet, putting my coveralls to rights. It took a minute. I bent and retrieved my tools, wiping them off with a shop rag, the action cooling me down enough to think coherently again. I put them away, closed the drawer and turned around, leaning on the tool cabinet. "And giddy's fine, but the location could be better."
***
And at Rina's first statement, Joshua blushed a bright red. He couldn't believe he was blushing, considering what he had just been doing. But the additional warmth in his cheeks was undeniable. "Um, yeah, probably not the most private of locations."
***
I saw him blush and regretted the embarrassment it cost him. It reminded me of his lack of experience. Slow down. Don’t overwhelm him. He’s new at this. The irony of the traumatized leading the innocent wasn’t lost on me and I kept my tone light to avoid pressuring him.
“We’ve got almost three weeks. We can finish what we’ve started right now or we take our time. What would you like to do?”
***
"My body is saying right now." Oh yes it was. "But my mind is saying...well, it's also saying right now, but I'm overruling it." He picked himself off the floor and moved over to the chair he had just vacated.
He ran a finger across his lips. He could still almost feel her lips there. "I mean, I'd think it'd be nice to take some time to enjoy the journey and all...but...lord help me, I don't know if I can manage." In his mind, his inexperience was the only thing keeping right now from being the winning option.
***
"Then let's go slow. First times only happen once. Make it a nice one."
God knows, mine was hideous.
***
Joshua nodded. "I'm going to rely on you to guide me, then. Make sure I don't mess things up."
***
I gave him a slow smile, glad I hadn't hurt his pride and grateful for the time gained. I'd just taken on an enormous responsibility and I wanted to make the occasion something Joshua would remember not with shame or guilt or regret…but with joy.
And just like that, something I'd said to Christian over two years ago came back to me, how I could never do what he did for a living. But perhaps, just perhaps, I could do this as a gift to a friend. I had the feeling that when next we met, Christian and I would have quite an interesting conversation.
"You won't," I said, certain it was true. "You won't."
Since this season turned out to be RP heavy, it's only fair to include the link to everyone's efforts.
Go back to A Judicious Application of Heat | Go to In Vino Patefacio
Go to Peripatetica - Rina's Journal entry and RP log
Go to Rina's Russian Glossary
Go to Rina's Crew Page
Go to EPISODES or TIMELINE
