Crack from the OoC

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"This game is Sin City, as done by the cast of Final Fantasy Advent Children, while on heroin PCP, and written by Jim Butcher channelling Hunter S. Thompson, Robert E. Howard, and William Gibson."

Looks like the Maiden of Weaving finally got drunk enough to compile the commentary of the pattern spiders in Alpha & Omega...
This is a running list of as much of the silliness from the game's OoC.

Forum Silliness[edit]

As a note, these are filed by who started it.

Aincumis[edit]

Movie Crew Ellipse

Avilister[edit]

Robert's reaction to Cassidy wanting to be Little Red Riding Hood
"Supernaturally influential mob boss meets shapeshifting canine poker player - they fight crime!"

"Rob isn't able to come to the phone right now. Its currently melded into his flesh/in another dimension. Please try again later."

AstraKiseki[edit]

How to get more willpower, from Captain Obvious
The Cheese Stands Alone
Astra: "DON'T GIVE HIM IDEAS!"

A humble suggestion on handling totemic Todd

Dakkareth[edit]

Dakk's description of John Palmer's method
"Oh. Well, now we have assurance in triplicate."
"It's not an Exalted battle unless..."
"*BEEP* "Oh, just in case you are done early - surprise, there's a zombie plague outside! But don't worry, we can deal with it. Probably. Success is relative after all ..."
"The only question is how much pain and suffering will be spread around in the process."

Look for a building with its top floor blasted off, you'll find us at the bottom of a stairwell now open to the sky.

"Heheheh, that's right, another point of resonance for you."

The question is, will one action be enough to horribly murder one more werewolf?

Khayin[edit]

"I'm sorry, Gabriel Cordova is not available to take your call right now. He is currently incarcerated in a maximum-security Technocracy holding facility, while the Brujah Antediluvian is pulling a 'The Ring' on him. Please leave a message and he will call you back, assuming he doesn't get Embraced, brain-washed, turned into an Abyssal, or just outright killed. Beep!"

Li of Orchid[edit]

Darius's reaction to being threatened with 'reversing the Essence polarity.'
Excuse for pulling out the sword. Sure.
"I'm sorry, Darius Prescott is not available to take your call right now. He is currently occupied walking the road to hell. Please leave a message and he'll get back to you, if he isn't swallowed by the Demon Emperor and trapped in an eternity of agony and pain. Beep!"

Meriss[edit]

"My killing machine of a future wife."
"Hey, look what I found for a song, the Dark Chest of Wonders."

Mpascal02[edit]

Reaction to Sui Mae's getting the media's attention
"And lo, if you do (worship Sol Invictus), He will grant you something like a heroin-pissing dinosaur. Seriously, do you have any idea what kind of an impact this has on profits? It's astonishing....right, sermon now, discussion of how the heroin-peeing dinosaur makes us millions later."
"the only thing John might have done/do before Brown's departure is sanctify his "I'm going to go suicide in Oblivion all alone" statement. Just to be safe."

"Obviously, (Ain) is a cruel God who tests us. Only a sacrifice will appease him now! Quickly, let us offer up the fatted Dragon-Blooded upon our altar, that our ST might return, with posts!"

"Well, shit. Evidently the Bitch Queen is a Castlevania fan."

Chat Crack[edit]

Khayin finding out that Hate is Samuel Haight[edit]

(9:51:26 PM) Khayin: I was hoping I'd never have to see him again. Ten years later, he is back to haunt me! I can hear his battle cry now...
(9:51:35 PM) Khayin: "THE NINETIES HAVE RETURNED!!!"

AstraKiseki and Dakkareth talking about theme parks[edit]

AstraKiseki: I can see Cassidy wanting to get something princess-y.

AstraKiseki: ... And then proceed to use it as a weapon.

Dakkareth: As long as she doesn't make Rob play the Beast :p

AstraKiseki: Of course she wouldn't.

AstraKiseki: That would be silly.

Dakkareth: I'm amused by the idea that it would be *possible*

AstraKiseki: Cassidy would go for... Snow White, actually. XD

Dakkareth: Don't let Troile poison you!

Dakkareth: Or the Lover for that matter.

AstraKiseki: She is Snow White with Resistance Charms.

Dakkareth: This is Exalted. Snow White has resistance charms and Red Riding Hood has Summoning the Loyal Steel and a Grand Daiklave.

AstraKiseki: Yeah, pretty much.

About an alternate universe where the PCs Exalted as Lunars[edit]

Dakkareth: Gabriel - No Moon ... what totem, though?

AstraKiseki: Gabe would have been a bear, according to Khayin.

Dakkareth: That would have been my next guess. Interesting AU.

Dakkareth: Mmmh, how about a Exalt-Type switch for all the A&O cast?

AstraKiseki: I have fun with AUs.

AstraKiseki: I had been working on one involving it.

Dakkareth: We have Gabe as Bear No Moon, Rob most likely as Dawn ...

Dakkareth: Maybe coyote for Liz, what with the trickery and mocking.

AstraKiseki: Heh.

AstraKiseki: Yeah, I can see her as a coyote.

AstraKiseki: Cassidy as a Cat Waxing would be more bookish.

AstraKiseki: She'd be very charismatic, an activist, but...

Dakkareth: Maybe a little pissed at getting the 'ugly' animal ... and also because it fits :p

Dakkareth: Darius as Full Moon, probably also Wolf.

Dakkareth: That means Palmer gets Snake.

Dakkareth: heheheh, that fits as well

AstraKiseki: Yep.

Dakkareth: Liz as Coyote would probably be a little less physical and more sneaky.

AstraKiseki: Heh. Casey Marlin, 21-year-old activist with cat-eyes.

Dakkareth: it poses the question, since the Tell is disguised by mental influence, would it show up on photographs?

AstraKiseki: I think it would, but it would be hard to realize it.

Dakkareth: Elizabeth, Coyote totem Waning Moon. Not sure yet what else would change

AstraKiseki: ... Not much. :P

AstraKiseki: Cassidy would probably favor intelligence.

Dakkareth: DBs are more difficult. I was thinking about Johnny and Sui Mae ... maybe make them Sids in the AU? Sui Mae as Chosen of Battles, Johnny ... Journeys or Secrets probably.

AstraKiseki: Johnny is a Journeys. :P

Dangerously Hot[edit]

Dakkareth: Or maybe should I ask, is there the opportunity for a hilarious scene where everybody tries not to say anything about the food as to not offend her in there? :p

AstraKiseki: No, it'll go like this:

AstraKiseki: "Can I have some?" "I made it." "So?" "... How do you think I am so damn resistant to /poison?/"

Meriss and Astra after working on the cards[edit]

Meriss: you did all the work

Astra: No, you did help.

Astra: After all, you took notes and helped me decide.  :)

Meriss: well you did MORE work

Astra: (Shut up and take the XP, bitch)

Yes, it does sound wrong out of context[edit]

Mpascal: But the previous posts got stunts for her being at the top of Jian's tornado (which sounds horrifically wrong out of context.... ~_^)
(...)
Mpascal: There's far worse ways I could've put that. "Sui Mae is riding the air dragon's tornado out of sight." Yeah, and we wonder why people claim that sexual deviancy is a path to Real Ultimate Power in Exalted.
Astrakiseki: YOU are SO fucking LUCKY I wasn't drinking anything.

I hope you are taking notes, Ain[edit]

Astra: ... I had a scary mental.
Astra: Cassidy doing a duet with Troile.
Meriss: :-O What is wrong with yer mind girl!
Meriss: THe Brujah club rave with troile in a birdhat was bad enough
Astra: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G7OEvpEuIs
Astra: Exactly.
Astra: Them singing that.
Astra: Well, Cassidy as backup.
Meriss: This. This is way worse. I may not sleep tonight
Astra: Here's something worse:
Astra: Arikel, head of the Toreador clan, with Cassidy in her hands.
Meriss: :-O
Meriss: Wrong, wrong, wrong
Astra: Indeed.
Meriss: and now I won't e able to sleep
Astra: And SHE has Auspex.
Meriss: NOT HELPING!
Astra: ^_~

Something Bloody[edit]

In an IRC chat, where people don't know the context.
[10:14] <Astra> Hm. What do you guys think would happen if a Kuei-jin drank Solar blood?
[10:14] <JaitoWerkz> Astra: Critical crossover mass. Game explodes.
[10:15] <Astra> Already happened.

On Gabriel and um-[edit]

Astra: Also, I don't know why, but the arm pit hair?
Astra: Made me lol.
Khayin: I also didn't realize that you can't embed images into posts, so I had to go to my personal site and shove the image into there.
Khayin: Dude, he has to have armpit hair!
Astra: I know.
Astra: But it stil. made. me. laugh.
Khayin: It's not as easy to see because of the shitty scan, but he also has a bunch of hair on his forearms, his chest, and he's got a rockin' happy trail goin' on.
Khayin: He's a hairy Latin mofo! :-D
Astra: BRAIN BLEACH. XD

Gabe's a Boy Scout[edit]

(7:00:44 PM) Astra: ... My got, this is sappy and adorable
...
(7:02:57 PM) Astra: But pretty much, Cassidy is pretty much being nice to Nick... and it's something that he hasn't had for a long time, it seems. And having someone sitting next to him and just singing Lean On Me to him apparently... well, he burst into tears.
(7:03:46 PM) Khayin: Heh. Well, as long as he stays nice and normal.
(7:03:56 PM) Astra: Yeah.
(7:04:09 PM) Astra: But pretty much, Cassidy is being a friend.
(7:04:11 PM) Khayin: The second he goes into god mode, I'm buying Dragon Coil Technique.

PAGING DR. FREUD[edit]

(This discussion was in an Exalted irc channel that has a lot of 4channers on it. Surprisingly, it's clean. Mostly.
<Astra> God damn Cassidy.
LawnPygmy headtilts.
<Astra> It's the modern Zenith PC.
<Astra> The original concept was a wholesome singer who looked the part of a femme fatale and used it as a persona on stage.
<ResplendentDestiny> Girl-next-door porn. Go on.
<Mitchell_Henderson> delicious
<Astra> And after about a year and a half of playing her, it slowly dawned on me that she pretty much is squeaky clean... but has a weird sense of modesty at this point.
<Astra> Aka, she'll walk out of a shower with just a towel on to ask for a coat or something so she doesn't end up violating said sense of modesty by being naked while fighting (as that she uses Dreaming Pearl in combat).
<Astra> And she seems to /enjoy/ doing fanservice, as long as it's just looking, no touching. It's weird when I had intended not to think about this stuff AT ALL for this character.
<Mitchell_Henderson> i think you subconsciously want to be objectified
<Mitchell_Henderson> you need a girlfriend/boyfriend/a dog or something
<Mitchell_Henderson> maybe a turtle
<Astra> Yeah, I do need to get laid. :P I'll freely admit that.
<Jeanstealer> THE MICROPHONE, EET IS LIKE A PENIS, JA?
<Jeanstealer> SHE IS DA SINGER, WHO SINGS INTO THE PHALLIC OBJECT, BUT NEVER TOUCHES IT YES
<Mitchell_Henderson> obvious penis envy
<Jeanstealer> QUITE
<Astra> ... Oh my god, stop making me die laughing. xD
<Astra> Crowning moment of lulz was talking to a friend and then going "... Oh dear god, Cassidy's a closet domaintrix."
<Jeanstealer> you like to imagine this, ja?
<Astra> Nein. I just find it fucking funny. xD
<Jeanstealer> ze microphone (which is a penis) vich she singz into vhile she dominates the crowd yes

Blood sucker[edit]

Astra: ... Damn brain.
Astra: The mental of Gabe freezing a vampire and having bloodiscles.
Khayin: Heh heh heh
Astra: It's stupid and on crack. x3
Khayin: Gabriel Cordova -- intellectual, inventive genius, medical miracle-worker, and selfless defender of humanity.
Khayin: Also addicted to corpse blood
Astra: Everyone has their flaws.

Chat/Forum Combined Gonzo[edit]

Pretty Pretty Princess Squad Go!![edit]

It began on the forums with this:
Astra: Oh yeah, as a note, our poor Twilight has a heavy workload at the time being. He won't say what it is, so I have taken to calling it 'My Pretty Pretty Princess the RPG.'
So yeah, if he isn't posting, blame work. And the glitter.


Which led to questions and this:
Dakk:Now I'm really wondering how a 'My pretty pretty princess' RPG would work. There could be a few interesting deconstructions in it if you do it right ...
Mpascal: All I know is that there would have to be glitter ponies involved in some capacity.


And the next morning, a far too long and involved discussion on the matter between Astra and Mpascal, which included this:

astrakiseki: Would the whole cast be playing, or would it just be Cassidy, Sui Mae, Liz, and probably one or two of the guys?
Mpascal: The girls. Rob & Johnny would be playing NPCs (*makes whip cracking noise *), Gabe would be writing the rules, Darius would be wondering how Power Combat would work (and Mal would give him a Sailor Moon boxset for ideas), and John would be using Bureaucracy excellencies to register trademarks and have it in every Toys R Us and Wal-Mart by Christmas.
astrakiseki: XD
Mpascal: And making arrangements for the Saturday morning cartoon spinoff.
astrakiseki: Heheheh. I can see Mal smirking while Cassidy is looking for a CD for theme music, Liz is standing on the table holding up her 'princess' and her pony, trying to show a stunt, and Sui Mae is going 'O.o'
Mpascal: Featuring very bad cariactures of the girls as the Pretty Pretty Princess Justice Squad!

Which leads us to the only logical(?) conclusion:

Pretty Pretty Princess Squad GO!!

May the Unconquered Sun have mercy on us all.