Episode 505: Stand and Deliver, Part Three

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The ship’s comms crackles with an incoming call. It’s a woman’s voice and she sounds pleasantly amused and just a touch dangerous.

Comms: Equinox … Equinox, this is La Tormenta calling.
Arden: (to Nika) I’m not sure but I think those things are missile racks.
Kiera: Are you looking away from the screen that you’re trying to hack? Yes. Stop doing that. Enjoy your death when it comes from behind.
Nika: Type. You are not getting lucky if you do not get my ship off this ground.
Arden: Gotcha.
Kiera: We just stole it.
Nika: Right. We just stole it from Potemkin. Get it off the ground!
Comms: Equinox. We’ve established a lock on your ship. I don’t know what your plan is. You’re landlocked. You’ve got a 100-pound cannon pointed in your direction. You got a nice ship there but I don’t know how many point-blank shots it can take it starts gettin’ some holes in it. All we’re asking is for—

Nika grabs the mike and cuts in.

Nika: La Tormenta. Is that what you’re calling yourself, now?
La Tormenta: That’s what we’re calling our ship …(heavily) … Equinox.
Nika: Mm-hm. ’Kay. Are you the law in this area?
La Tormenta: Am I law? In this area, yes, we are law. In effect, because we have this big gun on our ship.
Nika: Yeah. There is a great big gun over there. So, here’s my question—what exactly do you want?
Arden: To blow us up.
Nika: (mutes handset, growls) Keep hacking.
La Tormenta: We want on your ship.
Nika: Why?
La Tormenta: We suspect you’re harboring people we want.

Speaking of whom … Kiera’s left the bridge and is hustling the Duquesnes into the hidey-hole. They protest. Kiera doesn’t put up with it but cuts them off.

Kiera: Yeah, you’re being loaded in this hidey-hole. There is a giant gun trained on this ship and you will all die or you will get in this hole.
Parker Duquesne: Why would being in the hole help us not get hit by the gun?
Kiera: Because they won’t find you. Okay, let’s put it this way—they want on the ship. They will probably get on this ship because they have a very very large gun trained on our ship. We are landlocked and we can’t go anywhere. Now, I can either hide you and they can try and find you, which they probably won’t, or we can just hand you over.

That finally seems to cut through the gǒu shì.

Parker Duquesne: All right, look. Landlock’s a computer, right? Maybe we can … jam it or something.
Kiera: With what?
Parker Duquesne: I don’t know.
Kiera: With our incredible sound box?
Parker Duquesne: Okay. If that would work.
Kiera: I don’t have any disco music.
Parker Duquesne: So … you’re saying we can’t hack this thing? And get away to …?
Kiera: We’ve already got someone hacking it but—
Parker Duquesne: To be honest, if you know where the hidey-spot here is, I don’t think they’re not going to be able to find us. Either, they’ll find us because it’s not that good a hiding spot or they’ll find us because you will not be able to … not … tell them.
Kiera: How will I not be able to not tell them?
Parker Duquesne: Because if they start torturing you, you will tell them. Right?
Kiera: Probably not.

Torture? Just what have the Duquesnes done to get that bee up Agua-Negra’s bonnet?

Meanwhile, Joshua goes to the bridge to talk to Nika.

Joshua: How are we doing?
Nika: (breathes a laugh) About the same as normal.
Joshua: Not good.
Nika: No, your response is supposed to be, ‘That good, huh?’
Joshua: Well, I thought I’d go off the script, here.
Nika: (laughs outright) Not cool.
Joshua: Where are our passengers?
Nika: I think she’s gettin’ ready to ram them in the hidey-hole.
Joshua: Why would she want to do that?
Nika: (still laughing) I have no clue
Joshua: All right. I’m going to find them.

He leaves the bridge for the passenger deck. Kiera, meanwhile, is looking at Parker Duquesne wondering if he’s just insulted her.

Kiera: You’ve obviously vastly underestimated what I did for a living before I became ship’s steward.
Parker Duquesne: What did you do before you became ship’s steward?
Kiera: Let’s just say I wasn’t a doctor for very long.
Parker Duquesne: You were a doctor?
Kiera: I still am a doctor.
Parker Duquesne: I thought you were a steward?
Kiera: (sighs) Long story. It’s a long story. Just get in the hidey-hole.
Parker Duquesne: I don’t think our shuttle’s in a position to take it and go—we can trade you shuttles! We’ll take your shuttle.

Oh, hell no. Kiera can hear Nika and Rina bellowing that in stereo inside her head.

Kiera: Uh, no.
Parker Duquesne: Our shuttle is worth more than your shuttle, I’m sure.
Kiera: No.
Parker Duquesne: It’s super nice inside and it’s got tons of loot. You can even take some of our personal items—

At which point, Joshua arrives from the bridge and interjects, seeing Kiera and our passengers half in and half out that storage closet.

Joshua: (curt) Kiera.
Kiera: Sir.
Joshua: (still curt) What are you doing?
Kiera: I would like to hide them in the hole.
Joshua: Why?
Kiera: Are you guys going to let them on or not?
Joshua: No, we’re well past that point, I believe. Other than maybe playing the ‘Sure we’ll let you on and then when the truck gets here, we’ll close the door again until they decide to blow us up’. That might buy us an extra couple of minutes but at this point—
Parker Duquesne: Can we talk to the Captain again?
Kiera: Sure.
Joshua: She’s on the bridge.

She hails the bridge from the nearest wall comm.

Kiera: Captain?
Nika: What?
Kiera: Captain, the passengers want to talk to you again.
Nika: Talk fast.
Parker Duquesne: Can we do it… in person?
Nika: Come up to the bridge. (off Arden’s look) HACK!

Joshua and Kiera escort the man to the bridge and they all go to the conference room to let Arden hack in peace.

Parker Duquesne: all right, I’m not sure what’s going on here and who’s in charge, because I’m getting different stories from different people. (to Nika) I assume you are the Captain?
Nika: Yes.
Parker Duquesne: Okay.
Nika: Bottom line is, the Sheriff’s been bought out by the local PMC.
Parker Duquesne: Right. So, we’re at your mercy. If you want to throw us to the wolves, throw us to the wolves. And I respect that.
Nika: That’s far enough.
Parker Duquesne: No, I’m just aying, we are. And I don’t think hiding in some hidey-hole is gonna be a good idea.
Nika: No.
Parker Duquesne: If it’s gonna come down to a fight—
Nika: Really?
Parker Duquesne: (continuing)—we’d like a better chance than hiding in the hole.
Nika: No. Absolutely. At this point we’re working on getting through the landlock. And keeping us alive long enough to get the landlock undone.
Joshua: Don’t worry. It won’t come down to a fight. Because our ship will be blow up before it comes to a fight.

The joke falls flat and Parker Duquesne scrubs his face and speaks past his fingers.

Parker Duquesne: Landlock … It’s a computer control that works on your … on your ship’s systems?
Nika: Yes.
Parker Duquesne: (dropping hands) Where would that be coming from?
Nika: The tower at the field, generally.

Parker Duquesne points out the bridge windows.

Parker Duquesne: That one out there?
Nika: That one. Why?
Parker Duquesne: Okay. So … maybe we can take out the tower. Or take someone out to the tower.
Joshua: That would be awesome. I volunteer.
Parker Duquesne: If we can’t do it electronically.
Nika: Oh great. (to Joshua) So you’re gonna take Rina and some grenades and take out the tower?
Parker Duquesne: (excited) You got grenades?
Joshua: Wait, wait. We don’t have grenades.
Parker Duquesne: This ship isn’t armed, right? Is this ship armed? I see you’re smugglers.
Kiera: No, I didn’t say we were smugglers.
Parker Duquesne: Yes, you did.
Kiera: No, I said I was. I’d done it before. Not them.
Nika: I don’t smuggle. I just run blockades.
Joshua: Moving on.

Yes, please.

Joshua: We don’t have any grenades. But we should be able to at least hack it from—(gauges Arden’s shoulders)—I’m gonna go get Rina.
Nika: Take the shuttle. Take the Lagniappe. Go.
Joshua: Yup. (thumbs comm live) Rina. Rina.
Rina: (over the comms) Yeah.
Joshua: We’re gonna go raid the tower.
Rina: Okay. I’ll be taking my usual suspects.
Joshua: No killing.
Nika: Beggar, make sure you’re ready to spin us up.

Observing the tower through the bridge windows, Joshua and Rina and the rest start sussing out the best plan to take out the tower. Rina suggests someone other than Joshua pilot because we’ve got abseiling gear aboard Lagniappe and she and he could—

Nika: No.
Joshua: (lighting up) Abseiling?
Nika: No.
Arden: Wait, is there—
Joshua: You can’t ban me from that.
Kiera: Captain, can I pilot this so that the two dingbats can go out the cargo and I can at least bring back the Lagniappe when they—
Nika: Um-hmm.
Kiera: Okay. Thank you. (to Rina and Joshua) That way I can just watch y’all fall out and—
Nika: No. No. Seriously. Stop. Arden, you had an objection to this. What is it?
Arden: Wait. Objection to what?
Joshua: Us taking the shuttle. And raiding the tower.
Arden: Really?
Joshua: Yes. Why?
Arden: (you idiot!) No!
Joshua: Yes, Captain Arden.
Nika: That’s an articulate objection.
Arden: It’s stupid! It’s silly!
Rina: (pissed off) All right, all right! Can we please come up with a plan here? I’ve been jerked five ways come Sunday. You just don’t tease a woman like that and not expect her to be pissed off! What are we doing?
Kiera: Riding the rough edges—.
Joshua: Can you fly her?
Kiera: Yes.
Joshua: Let’s go. If we do it now, neither of them can object. Let’s go.

Kiera gives Nika a tight hug.

Kiera: I’ve always had a fondness for you, so when they take that first missile and shoot us out of the sky and the second missile and shoot here—
Nika: Stay here and fly my ship.
Kiera: (thrown) What?
Nika: Can you fly my freighter?
Kiera: Uhh, yeah. With a lot of luck, and some. Yeah. I can do it, but not like you can. I actually do better with the shuttle.
Nika: My shuttle has an experimental computer in it.
Kiera: (Umm?) That’s cool. So it can fly better than I can.

Meanwhile Joshua’s rethinking our approach strategy.

Joshua: Actually we should take the mule so we don’t get shot down by the cannon.
Rina: No they’ll just shoot us down with their gun. I mean, the mule can fly us above the ground but not high enough to evade fire from something like that.
Joshua: It might. I think we can do it. We can go around, the whole field.

He points out the long way, behind all the landing pads along the curve toward the tower. Rina eyes it dubiously.

Rina: No.

That's when we notice something odd—the status lights on all our locks and hatches go from the “Secured” green to the “Unsecured” red, one by one, like dominoes tipping over. Someone’s hacked into our system and opened us up like a can of beans.

Kiera: Somebody hit it.
Nika: Shii … (hits the comm) … Intruders!
Arden: Should I stop hacking?
Nika: No.
Beglan: (over the comm) Should I start spinning up the engines?
Nika: No. But if you could take off and shove them out the airlock when we’re taking off, that would be fine by me.
Beglan: You know, I’m going to lock the engine room door, if that’s all right.
Nika: Yes! They just hacked our entire locking mechanism, which was crap anyway.
Arden: It probably told it to keep it shut, so it opened.
Kiera: Of course.
Nika: (looking over Arden’s shoulder) Dammit, we need to fix the computers around here.
Rina: The computer must be blonde.
Nika: I resemble that remark.
Rina: Yeah, but you’re more discerning as to who you open up for.

Nika’s head whips around at that remark and Arden cracks up laughing. Kiera goes to the nearest arms locker and grabs a rifle. Rina’s got her gun. Arden notices the two of them arming up and looks askance at them.

Arden: You’re actually pulling weapons?
Kiera: When do I not pull weapons?
Arden: We can always get ourselves another steward.
Kiera: Okay, Arden? I talk badly to people. I shoot well. (mimes chambering a round) ‘The conversation is failing … ’.
Rina: Yeah. It was a boring conversation anyway.
Nika: (to Arden) Can we get off the ground at all with the landlock in place?
Joshua: I wonder what the tower’s made of?

He leans into the bridge windows to take a look at it. It looks kinda weak, actually, cobbled together from what looks like other pieces and parts of other things, not much more than a glorified crow’s nest with comms equipment and antennas mounted to it.

Nika: Why don’t you take out their—
Kiera: That’s a not a bad idea, actually. That’ll give me something to do while they’re doing what they’re doing.
Joshua: (musing) What if I hit it at full speed … ?
Rina: You’re not abseiling into it.
Joshua: No, no, no. I was thinking of taking the flatbed and ramming the tower with it.
Kiera: Although that would be a good idea, too.
Nika: (points to Kiera) So she’s going to go buzz the tower while you guys—(points at Joshua)—are ramming it. (starts to laugh)
Kiera: Oh no, I was going to buzz the missile launcher.
Beglan: (over the comms) Captain, you gotta get it together. Assign people tasks so we can do this.

She needs to. The brainstorming by her immediate crew has her in stitches, oddly enough. She’s got too many balls to juggle in the air—hacking the landlock, hiding the outlaw passengers, fending off missiles, ramming a control tower, and oh, yeah—dealing with the people who are coming to board our ship, which has mysteriously thrown open all her doors on invisible command. She’s in the grip of a crisis of confidence—can’t see well, can’t judge the situation by interpersonal cues, Dear God, everything’s coming down around her ears. And her crew needs something she just can’t deliver.

Nika: Okay, I can’t do this. Seriously.
Joshua: You are the Captain.
Beglan: Or surrender command. Do something.
Arden: Just give up and give it to them.
Nika: No, just go.
Beglan: Wait, who’s going where?
Kiera: So I’m going find the intruders—
Arden: (to Nika) Really?
Beglan: You’re going to send Kiera down by herself into the cargo bay?
Rina: No. I’ll go with her.
Nika: Why are you going to the cargo bay?
Kiera: Because we’re open and I want to make sure that they don’t get on. (looks to Nika) Or we can let them on and still take off.
Joshua: Yeah. I hate to say this but I think I’m actually beginning to agree with you.
Nika: No, no. I think that at this point if they’re boarding us, we basically have to take care of that situation.
Kiera: Fair enough.
Joshua: I’m actually—I hate to say this but …
Nika: (grim) Hand them over.

And the Duquesnes are not on the bridge or in the conference room—they’ve pulled a fade. So where are they?

Kiera: I assume they’ve run like a mother somewhere.
Arden: They’re in their shuttle, getting ready to blast out of here.
Nika: They better not be on my gāisǐ de shuttle!
Arden: Well you better go do something about that.
Nika: I guess so. (to Arden) Get us off the ground.
Rina: I say we kick their asses out the door.

Nika gusts a sigh. The Duquesnes have just worn out their welcome.

Nika: You guys, just—You know what? Round them up. Get’em off. Turn’em over.
Rina: Thank you, ma’am. (to Kiera) C’mon. Let’s go.
Kiera: All right—wait. Which one am I getting’ off, now?
Rina: We’re rounding up our passengers and turning them over. They’re more trouble than they’re worth.
Kiera: Fair enough.
Nika: I’m goin’ to the Lagniappe.
Rina: I say we keep the 500 as an … inconvenience fee.
Kiera: Well, yeah.
Arden: Don’t you think we should comm the Sheriff to tell him we’re giving them up?
Nika: Yeah. (grabs the comm) Sheriff, you know what? I’m tired of dealin’ with this and they’re not my problem. So c’mon board. Take ’em. Our doors are unsecured. Your boarding party should be met in the cargo bay by my people and we’re rounding up our two passengers to turn them over.
Kiera: (sighing) This is not going to do good for our passengers in the future, but okay …
Nika: I don’t care.
Arden: (to Kiera) See the ten-inch gun?

He points at the ten-incher on the hull of the ship opposite.

Arden: That would do worse for the future.
Nika: I’m gonna head up to the Lagniappe to make sure they are not attempting to get on board. (tags Joshua on arm) Come with me.
Joshua: Yes, ma’am.
Nika: You two go down there and see where they are, because we knew they split off.

Sheriff Marley responds back over the comm.

Sheriff Marley: All right. So, unlock your door and open up.

We tell him it’s open, come on in. Kiera and Rina take the stairs down and the cargo bay doors open up as they step off the last tread. The cargo blocks their view of the Sheriff but they hear boots on the deck as someone comes aboard. Kiera and Rina see them come around a stack of cargo and Kiera calls out to them.

Kiera: Just stay put. We’ll bring them down to you. You don’t have to come any further.
Sheriff Marley: Well, now that we’re on board, I think that’s for us to decide.

Sheriff Marley isn’t alone. He’s brought along a big guy, with a big gun—an assault rifle—and the gun Marley’s packing ain’t no peashooter neither. Marley has your stereotypical Sheriff’s get-up, vest, badge, trousers and boots. The guy with him, however, is wearing armor. It’s personal style armor, not full-on armor, but still … Both the men come forward to the shuttle, clearly intending to search it. Seeing the guns and the armor, Kiera stays near the stairs. Rina leans over and murmurs into Kiera’s ear.

Rina: We are so humped.

The Sheriff eyes the two women and more importantly Kiera’s gun—chambers broken and lying open on her shoulder. He splits off and approaches her.

Sheriff Marley: Lower your rifle, please. On the ground.
Kiera: On my own ship?
Sheriff Marley: Lower the rifle, ma’am.

Sheriff Marley brings his own gun up and points it at her. Kiera rolls her eyes.

Kiera: What the hell kinda two-bit Sheriff—(puts her rifle down on the deck)—big-thinkin’ punk comin’ around on my own ship, without a warrant mind you …

Sheriff Marley pulls out a pair of handcuffs.

Sheriff Marley: Turn around. Put your hands behind your back.
Kiera: (flat) That ain’t happenin’.
Sheriff Marley: You’re brandishing a weapon at an officer of the law. You will put your hands behind your back. And I advise you to remain silent.

Sheriff Marley’s voice is firm but he seems a little nervous nonetheless. He makes a grab for Kiera’s wrist. Kiera dodges. Rina’s faster. She has to put the man on the deck and then take out the big guy with the rifle. She leads with her fist and puts everything she’s got behind it. The Sheriff’s nose turns into a spray of red under her knuckles. He staggers back. Rina steps up and wham! does a hammer fist strike on Marley’s arm. It snaps like a twig and it goes all wonky and the Sheriff crumples to the deck around his shattered limb—out like a light.

One down, one to go.

Rina sidesteps the unconscious Sheriff and advances on the shuttle, a Russian tank out for blood. Standing rooted to the deck, all Kiera can think is: That’s a bone breaking. I wonder what blood type he is? Cuz we’re either gonna have to kill him or fix him. I wonder how much he’ll pay me to make him pretty again. Damn, the crazy Russian girl is running at the large guy and—

Kiera looks up for her friend and finds Rina running for the shuttle with the Sheriff’s blood on her hands. No dummy, the other guy is pointing his rifle at Rina. He saw what she did to the Sheriff. Kiera’s no dummy either—she picks up her rifle.

Rina throws the first punch and it bounces off the man’s armor. He drops his gun and tries a jailhouse rock move on her. She dodges. He misses.

Kiera lines up a shot on the man’s head, but Rina’s mixing it up with the guy and Kiera doesn’t want to shoot her friend. She breathes out. She squeezes the trigger. She hits—but the man’s head is safe. The bullet lands on him somewhere else, she’s not sure where, but it does some damage nonetheless.

Rina lands another blow on her opponent and again it bounces off his armor for nothing but stun. She sweeps him with a look, sees he’s armored everywhere except his head. Looks like she’s going to have to pummel him do death inside his armor, then. He throws another punch. Rina dodges but gets clipped anyway. She backpedals and he fingers his head comm.

Guard: Uh, we have a conflict, here.

Crap! Reinforcements.

Rina throws another punch, hoping to knock him out. She connects. It bounces off his armor but the impact is still felt for a smidgen more stun. When’s it going to sink in with the guy that she’s not going to give up? That he should pick up his gun and just shoot her?

Meanwhile, on the hangar deck above the bridge, Nika and Joshua are looking over Lagniappe and she seems secure.

Joshua: Well, there you go. Problem solved.
Nika: Anybody in it?
Joshua: Doesn’t appear to be.
Nika: Lock it down.
Joshua: Locking it down …

On the bridge, Arden’s still sweating over the hack. The landlock is still engaged but he’s getting closer to cracking it wide open. He just needs another five minutes ….

Back down below, Rina and the guard are still going hand to hand. She hits him, he dodges, and his armor soaks the blow again.

Kiera runs to the cargo door controls and hits the button to close them up again. The servos hum and the ramp starts to climb off the dirt. She watches it with impatience, thinking that we could really use a close button next to the stairs, thank you very much. We don’t have one of those but we do have a comms button on the door controls and Kiera punches it next.

Kiera: Captain. We have a problem.

Kiera’s voice sounds across the decks on all-ship. On the bridge, Arden rolls his eyes and keeps on hacking.

Arden: We have a problem. Really. What else is new?

Rina lands another blow, connects with the armor again. The guard is getting tired from the diffuse impact now … but he’s still standing. Rina keeps her fists up. One way or the other, this fight is going to get finished. At the door controls, Kiera raises her rifle again and lines up another shot on the guard, carefully waiting on an opening in the fight.

Luck smiles on the guard and he finally gets Rina in a grapple hold, pinning her arms and spoiling Kiera’s shot. He can’t hold her long. She rips free and takes some stun doing it. So does he. Back at the doors, Kiera lines up her shot again.

Rina and the guard grapple again and this time luck smiles on the Russian. Rina drops them both to the deck, gets him in a sleeper hold, scissors her legs around him and hangs on. The guard struggles, rolling them both around on the deck, and Rina hisses in his ear.

Rina: Don’t fight it.

He doesn’t listen, but struggling further doesn’t save him. He passes out and Rina releases her hold, then pushes him off her. She pulls his weapons off him—assault rifle, combat knife, and pistol—and zip ties his hands behind his back with his own zip ties. His feet get tied next. That man is not getting up. Kiera lowers her rifle and rushes to the Sheriff. Over the all-ship, she and Kiera hear Nika hailing them.

Nika: What kind of problem?

Silence.

Looking over Nika’s shoulder at the hangar deck’s wall comm, Joshua asks:

Joshua: How can they possibly hit the comm and say we have a problem and then not say what kind of problem?
Nika: Joshua, how much do you wanna bet there’s gunfire involved?
Joshua: Oh, hell no. That’s like a sucker bet. That’s a sucker bet if I ever heard one. I don’t got enough credits to handle that one. (a beat) All right, so given that there’s probably gunfire and it’s all gone downhill there, I guess this means we’re not giving up our passengers.
Nika: Unlikely.
Joshua: They weren’t in the conference room when we stated our intentions to give them up, were they?
Nika: I think they were standing in the conference room when we said it. You telling me they weren’t?

No, they weren’t but wait—Nika did announce on all ship we were giving them up anyway.

Nika: Yeah, but that could have been a … ploy.
Joshua: It could have been, but it’s not going to happen.
Nika: So it could have … (comms the bridge) … Arden? How’re you comin’ on that landlock?
Arden: (comms back) It’s coming along but it’s a lot harder to do this remotely.

In the cargo bay, Kiera stabilizes the Sheriff’s arm and frisks him for weapons. She pulls his pistol from his hand. She goes through his pockets and removes his pepper spray and radio. It’s on. She turns it off. He does appear to be a legitimate Sheriff, he has a badge. Kiera rises and hits all-ship on the comm:

Kiera: Um … there is a mercenary and a Sheriff unconscious with a broken arm … and a mercenary that’s being zip-tied.
Nika: (via comm) Oh my stars …
Kiera: But, Captain, on a positive note the door is closed. (pause) Dear God but that little woman can beat the shit out of somebody.

Nika keys off the comm and just looks at Joshua.

Nika: See? It wasn’t a sucker’s bet. There were fists involved.
Joshua: It was still a sucker’s bet. (keys the comm) How badly was—
Nika: I gotta do spin control with the other ship.
Joshua: Which other ship?
Nika: The Armadillo—the one with the gun.

Behind them in the hangar bay, they both hear Lagniappe’s door open up. Parker Duquesne and his wife climb out. Parker Duquesne does not look pleased.

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