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Terri did the heavy lifting in this one. All I did was move some furniture around. Thanks, Terri!--Maer.
Nika felt her way along the edge of the table, her face screwed up with concentration as she shuffled. Her knee smacked the edge of the chair and a low stream of Chinese invective poured from her lips. That was gonna leave another mark. Her legs must be a mess by now, she figured, dropping into the chair she'd just bumped with a heavy sigh. "Well, to hell with it," she mumbled mutinously, apparently settling in to just wait for someone to happen along. They weren't leaving her alone very much, so someone would eventually come looking.
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Thursday, 30 Oct 2521
Durance class, Exeter
En route to Boros
Georgia (Huang Long) system
1000hrs, ship's time
The galley felt odd, like standing in the kitchen of someone else's home and trying to get breakfast together not knowing where anything was kept. Which wasn't surprising. We'd only just acquired Exeter from Potemkin and even after three days it was still too soon to know everything about her yet. I'd slept through breakfast--no doubt Joshua's doing--and he was busy manning the chair on the bridge. Rather than scare up someone to spell him so as to cook something for my goldbricking ass, I poked around and found the makings for an egg sandwich. I had just plated it, steaming hot, when I heard Nika shuffling in the lounge. I made another sandwich in two shakes and took both with coffee out to the table.
She was disheveled and listless. Thanks to my four brothers growing up, I knew that look, that line to the shoulders, that said she was sick and tired of being coddled. I empathized, being somewhat in the same boat. So I said nothing on her appearance but put the sandwich and coffee on the table and took up a seat opposite her. It was close enough to allow me to talk without yelling our business for everyone to hear, yet with the table between us, she could ignore me if she chose.
"Sandwich on your nine," I said quietly. "Coffee's 10 o'clock of the plate."
I dug into my sandwich without further comment and let her decide what to do.
---
Well, gorram it. She'd expected to have a few minutes to herself. Instead, Nika found herself with breakfast in front of her and an engineer staring her in the face. "Thanks," she murmured with ill grace. Her hand as she reached for the coffee was hesitant, uncertain. The 10 o'clock position was easy -- distance not so much. When she bumped the cup, it was gently enough that the liquid merely sloshed instead of spilling over. She captured the cup and carefully brought it with both hands toward her mouth to sip from it. But she made no effort really to touch the sandwich. "What're you working on?" Nika asked mildly -- the same kind of question she'd ask any morning of a normal week.
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"SS, DD." I swallowed and sipped my coffee, trying not to stare at her eyes, but morbidly unable to. I managed to keep my voice steady and I was thankful for it. I would never have gotten away with it had she still been able to see. "Learning our new girl from the ground up. Should keep me busy and out of trouble for a while yet. You?" I added, unable to stop myself. Idiot! What the hell do you think? Jesus!
Wincing, I just sat there and waited for it.
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"Trying to keep Joshua and Arden from hovering," Nika retorted. "They're making me gorram crazy. Joshua tells me we're still about a day out from Boros, and Arden....." She paused and pursed her lips against the rim of her coffee cup. "He isn't saying it out loud, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't think there's anything he can do. He keeps bandaging them up, but... I can't see, Rina. And it isn't getting better. Arden's... struggling with that." Her tone was quiet but the core of steel seemed intact. Just another hardship to overcome, right?
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He's not the only one.
"We all are. And over too many things at the moment. I nearly ripped Joshua's head off a couple of days ago, for being nice to me when I was feeling raw. Totally undeserved." I pushed my plate aside. "I still feel like shit over that one. And," I added, sighing, "I expect to keep on stepping in it until I work it out of my system. I lost one ship that I loved already and losing the Gift is one ship too many. So if I'm short with you, you know that's the reason why. That and right now, despite all the shiny, it just plain sucks to be us."
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Nika laughed. She couldn't help it. "That has got to be the understatement of the century," she replied. Taking another sip of the coffee and very carefully reaching up to locate the edge of the plate before setting it down, she tilted her head. "What do you think of this ship?" she asked. "We're going to be on downtime on Boros for a little while, at least."
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"Would it make me an gear slut and a traitor to admit I like her when our girl is probably still smoking and warm on Meadow?" I hated saying it, but Nika needed the truth more than she needed platitudes and even after three days it still bothered me that Exeter could exert that strong a pull on me. After all, I'd spent nearly a year ship-hopping, jumping boat at one port of call to ride another and ditching. Not once had I felt for the ships or the crews anything but thanks for the ride and shelter they provided. Running from Meadow on Exeter should have felt the same. It didn't. So it bothered me, more than I liked to admit. "I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking of everything we could be doing with her, even as I'm dreading making that call to Christian telling her we lost our girl."
Better watch it. Calling both ships her in the same sentence. Won't be long before Exeter takes our girl's place. And then what does that make you?
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"Nope," Nika said quietly. "Honestly, I never had quite the kind of attachment as you." She smiled. "I loved her, for sure. But she was a ship, Rina. It was the people that made her a home. And those are still here." Sort of. She moved to reach for the coffee again and knocked it over, spilling the half cup across the table. Her face darkened and Nika swore under her breath, jumping up to clean up the mess only to send her chair tumbling over backward.
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I rose and got a bus rag from the galley, pleased I could find one so quickly, and put it in her hand.
"From your 9 to your 12, if you want it," I told her and stepped back to give her some room. "About a foot straight in front."
I picked up the chair and shoved it in place under the table loud enough to clue her in as to its whereabouts and resumed my seat as if nothing were wrong. If she was going to insist on doing things normally and being treated as a sighted person, she was going to have to learn to clean her own messes. Harsh but necessary and she'd already made it clear she didn't want to be coddled.
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The bandages that Arden was insisting on keeping in place were a blessing as far as Nika was concerned. They absorbed the mortified tears trickling from her damaged eyes. They couldn't quite hide the color washing up her neck and face, but Nika said nothing other than a tight "Thank you" and started clumsily cleaning up her mess in the darkness. She put her hand in her plate, still sitting in its spot and yanked back quickly. Then carefully seeking the edge of it, she slid it out of the way. The spilled coffee mostly got absorbed, but the edges of the puddle slopped across the table in places she couldn't see it. And her jaw clenched when she reached out to touch the wood of the table to find a puddle still directly in front of her. She attempted to wipe it up silently, only spreading it out further.
---
Discretion fought with friendship. Friendship won.
"A suggestion? Let it sit for a beat to soak it up. That way the rag'll pick it up instead of pushing it around."
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Nika paused and chucked the rag onto the table in disgust. "Good plan," Nika retorted darkly. She shook her head. "Just tell me which way the kitchen is. Please." Because now she's going to go hurl the gorram rag into the sink. She's pissed. At herself. At the situation. At Rina for being so calm. At herself for not.
---
Her tone was sharp, but the words had already lost their sting. Give her something she can do. Frame it as something she can do with her eyes closed.
"Turn right 20 degrees," I said, my head for math helping me here. "Now you're facing a-stern. The wall is 5 feet in front of you and the door to the galley is two steps to your left."
Just like plotting a course. Sorta.
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Sucking in a quick breath, Nika's jaw clenched. She turned her head in the direction indicated, then lined her body up with it. Swooping the rag up with her, she put both hands out in front of her. She didn't want to shuffle pathetically in front of Rina, so she stepped confidently forward with her hands at about waist level, smartly rapping her ankle on the chair that was on the other side of the one she toppled. She grabbed the top of it to keep herself from falling over, and the look of absolute self-disgust is visible even with the bandages hiding the upper portion of her face. Aligning herself carefully, she said nothing as she moved once more, slowly and uncertainly forward to the wall. She was off target after catching herself like that. The door was more like four steps when she hit the wall. And she felt her way along the wall to step into the galley.... only to realize she had no idea where the sink was. And reluctant to ask for more help, Nika shuffled into the relative solitude of the kitchen to stand just out of sight of the table, one hand covering her mouth to hold back any possible sound she might make as she cried. For looking so stupid, among any number of other things.
---
Sinking inside for her wounded pride, I nevertheless rose and ghosted over to the galley door. One look was all I needed. I eased back around the jamb and said to the air of the lounge, “15 degrees relative, forward zero degrees two feet, and you’re at the sink. Square off to it. Faucet’s 20 degrees relative to where you’re standing.”
And I held my breath and listened hard.
---
Nika didn't move. There was a long silence as she struggled to gain control of the hot shame. And instead of footsteps, there was the slap of the cloth as it hit somewhere close to the sink. Not in it, but maybe on the counter next to it. And then she finally said in a thick voice, "I need to.... " A pause, a struggle, and then she continued, "go back to the quarters." And it means, to her absolute horror, asking Rina to take her back there. The reality of the situation has begun to settle in.
---
Pushed her too hard. Dammit. Right. Onward.
“Sure,” I said, coming round the jamb. I took her elbow gently and guided her toward the door. “Counter coming up on your left hip,” I warned and gave her room to move around it. “Left and through the door.”
---
Nika's face was tight with anger, frustration, and humiliation. She couldn't say thank you. She wasn't sure her voice wouldn't crack. Instead, she let Rina lead her through from the galley to wherever the hell the quarters she's been using are. She was so turned around she couldn't tell which direction was which, though an innate sense of the ship's direction had her turning fore at least.
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Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
"You know," I said as we got through the last door. "It's considered bad feng shui to sleep feet first to your bedroom door. Geomancers consider it a 'death position', whatever the hell that means. I just know I prefer it. I like to--," and I stopped myself just in time. See the enemy coming for me, I'd nearly said. "Point myself toward engineering as much as possible. Easier to navigate that way when I'm dead on my feet and still half asleep."
As a cover for my lapse, it wasn't my best but it was something.
"I never really got to consider it but wasn't that how you had it on our girl? Only facing toward the bridge?"
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Nika paused and frowned. "Yeah. Why?" She was not sure where Rina was going with this line of questioning.
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"You wanna?" I asked, echoing her delivery if not her expression. Just wondering. No big deal, my tone said.
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Nika thought about it for a short time as they walked toward the quarters. "If there's room," she admitted quietly, "It might feel a little less like a strange place." It was about all she could give in that moment, acknowledgement that being in a place she's never seen before is wreaking havoc on her senses.
---
"Done and done." I got us through her door and put her in her desk chair out of the way. "If you like, we could scrounge a desk from one of the cabins to bracket the free end of the bed. Put a wall at your back as it were." I breathed a laugh. "Another of my weirdnesses. I'd rather have my back to a wall when I'm sleeping but I hate being on the inside when Joshua's with me. I end up sleeping half off the edge."
If I could keep it more a conversation on myself and less on her disability, I might be able to make things a little easier for her. Pebble or boulder, it's still damned uncomfortable to have one in your shoe. Still...
"Then again, when Joshua's with me, he's wall enough.
---
Nika chuckled just a little, her expression easing just a little from the humiliation as she sat in the chair. It wasn't ideal, but she wasn't going to cry right now. And really that's all she wanted -- not to embarrass herself further in front of her friends and crew. "I don't really care about the wall thing one way or the other. Although putting it in a corner would at least keep me oriented right." She'd be able to find her way more easily in the strange room. "Thanks, Rina," she finally said softly.
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For some reason, the previous occupant had the bed centered on the wall and athwart the cabin. Putting it in the corner only required a 90-degree turn, a saving of labor I was thankful for in light of my still-healing injuries. I put my hands on the bedframe and gave it an experimental shove. When my stitches held, I pushed the bed into place and mentally debated the merit of bolting it to the deck plates. If Nika was to spend the rest of her days blind, everything would have to stay rigorously in place to keep her mental map of the ship straight. At least where it concerned the public areas and her cabin.
"Not a problem." Her tone nearly made me lose it. Suck it up. She's listening. I moved to her chair and gave her hand a squeeze. "If you wanna try it out, it's in front of you three paces and left two."
---
"Yeah.... I think I need to lay down for a while anyway," Nika admitted. She stood and followed the directions she was given, finding the edge of the bed cautiously. "Where are you putting the chair and the desk?" she asked as she lowered herself to it, scooting to be comfortable on the pillow.
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I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd been sitting right at it. I moved to stand in front of it.
"About where I'm standing," I said, knowing she'd gauge the position by my voice. “Which would highlight another quirk of mine. Sitting with my back to a door. You know, you’re just damned lucky you’re not me.”
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"Always knew that," Nika retorted drily. "Short, brunette, and twitchy to all hell isn't my style -- I'm very lucky!" She shot a grin toward the door and said, "Get on, you. I'm going to catch a nap." Not as if Rina could tell if her eyes were open or closed behind the bandages anyway.
---
“’Kay,” I said and gave her a hard fast hug before leaving. “I’m going. Come find you for supper?” I checked my watch. In about six hours. I didn’t dare hope she’d be asleep for all that time but for the sake of her sanity I wished for it anyway.
To read more on Nika, go to Nika's Crew Page
Go back to: Timeline Season Four, April 2521 to Dec 2521
Go to Peripatetica - Rina's Journal entry and RP log
Go to Rina's Russian Glossary
Go to Rina's Crew Page
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