Reflections

A dressing up and a dressing down. Kim really did a great job with this one. Thanks, Kim!--Maer

Monday, 03 May 2523
Companion Guild Temple
Sihnon, White Sun (Bai Hu) system
1130hrs, local time

"You've expressed the desire for something simple, yes? I've taken the liberty of having a few things sent over for you to choose from."

I sat with Kiera in one of the Temple Gardens and set aside the sample books our wedding planner, Deirdre, had brought with her after breakfast. She had a wonderful eye for color and grasped quickly what I'd wanted. The frilly was quickly eliminated from the range of candidates, as were the overtly Oriental, curvy, or abstract. We'd narrowed it down to simple classic lines in fluid draping fabric. Deidre herself wore something like it, a gown that fell from her shoulders to her ankles, topped by a loose sheer jacket with wide sleeves that fluttered in the morning breeze. I watched as she clapped her hands and several Companions slid into view, each wearing something different. I leaned over to Kiera as they approached and I whispered, "What do you think?"

---

Kiera pursed her lips, watching as each model walked into view. After studying each dress for a moment, she twirled her finger to make each girl turn to see the back. At length, she stretched out her legs and leaned back in her chair. "They're all taller than you," she drawled, crossing her arms. "Ain't gonna hang on you like them." She looked at Rina and then at Dierdre. "Either she's gonna have to model 'em or your gonna have to get shorter women, honey."

---

Deirdre laughed, melodic and lilting, and gave Kiera a wink.

"Touché. I assure you that we will have tailors adjust the dress accordingly. However ...," she added, eyeing her short client closely. "If you would model them, it would go far toward narrowing down which would be more becoming on you. You're five, five-one? And fairly straight figured from the shoulders..."

Deirdre turned gracefully and clapped her hands again. The models glided to a stop and looked to her for instructions.

"Please send the dresses and tea for three in our client's rooms."

One of the models went off to complete that task and Deirdre turned to Rina with a smile. "If trying on the dresses is required, privacy is required also. I expect that would be more in tune with your wishes?"

---

"Yes, please. Thank you." I hoped Deirdre didn't pick up on it but I wasn't entirely comfortable with all this hand and foot service. I'm sure had Kiera not been there I would have called it quits long before now. By my watch, we'd already been at this for nearly two hours. "Tea would be wonderful."

---

At that, Kiera rose to her feet. "Wonderful," she stated with a smile. "That's more like it." Her green eyes twinkled minxishly for a moment. "Somebody needs to go ahead and throw Joshua outta the room. He can't see any of this. It'd be bad luck."

---

"Of course." Deirdre lifted her chin and caught the eye of one of the younger Companions, a Trainee, and sent her off with a nod. "Why don't we take the scenic path through the garden to give the fortunate gentleman a little time to gather what he needs?"

---

There being nothing for it, I smiled again and followed the woman through the garden. I had thought the Edge residence on Osiris was exquisite, but though Christian's parents possessed the height of good taste and the money to indulge it, the gardens here quite put them in the shade. It was hard not to stop and stare at a particularly stunning planting or sculpture, and the beautiful spring weather added another layer of perfection over everything. We reached the door to the rooms Joshua and I had been given and bit my lip as I crossed the threshold. There was no turning back now. I was committed to getting that dress, whichever one I decided on, and soon Joshua would see me in it. I took a seat on the four poster bed and tucked my feet up and patted the covers to get Kiera to join me.

---

Kiera grinned and leapt up onto the bed, wiggling her butt to get comfortable. "This ain't helping me with Daddy's argument as to why I need to come home," she muttered, more to herself than to her companion. Sighing, she smiled tightly for a moment and then shrugged. "I could get used to this. Really could. If home didn't come with all the problems called family." Although I should be glad, she reminded herself. My parents and brother are living in the lap of luxury all the damn time. Not being held hostage by a madwoman. But they had fixed that. Sorta. Turning her attention to Rina, she put a soft hand on her shoulder. "Wanna see if your mama wants to be part of this? Even my mama would." Her smile twisted wryly. "Although as vain as she is, she'd make sure I looked worse than she did. Bride being the prettiest woman in the room never did sit well with Mom."

---

"Oh, God ....," I said before I could stop myself. "Right now, Mother can't stand the sight of me but I know if I go any further without her she'd have another reason to never forgive me." I well remembered the hours I'd spent trapped at her side as she went through her wardrobe designs, discussing and arguing with the seamstress just how she wanted her stage costumes constructed. I realize now it was an attempt to instill in me some fairly important skills that I would otherwise not have and in truth, what I'd learned stood me in good stead for today's activity but .... "I can ask, but I can't guarantee she'll come. Deirdre? I hate to bother you with another errand but could you ...?" I ended up gesturing wordlessly at the door.

---

"The greatest journey begins with but a single step." Deirdre lowered her lashes and looked at her client for a moment, then, "I think this is an excellent opportunity to extend an olive branch. The offer is sometimes more important than its acceptance. I shall see to it. Ah, your tea is here to keep you company until I return."

Deirdre served the guests with quiet grace and efficiency and bowed out of the room. The brunette, she mused as she went down the corridor, would do well to mend her fences with her mother. Not unless they enjoy courting bleeding ulcers. Deirdre found the correct door, softly knocked, and waited for permission to enter.

---

"That's ...," I paused, not entirely sure what I could say to Kiera that wouldn't be unforgivably rude. My own botched reunion with my mother had me walking on eggshells with everyone, making me over-aware of what I said and how it would be perceived. At least this morning with Joshua I could let my body do the talking, but I couldn't spend my entire stay at the Temple in bed. "I'm sorry, Kiera. That's just horrible. Although I have to admit, I didn't much enjoy Mother trying to make me the prettiest in the room. I'm not a storybook princess, no matter how much she tried to make me one. I'm sure I drove her as mad as she did me during those sessions. It's one of the reasons why I generally avoid dresses whenever possible." I sighed. "If I could get away with a tee shirt and cargo pants at the altar, I'd do it."

---

The redheaded doctor just shrugged and rolled her eyes. "It's more her problem than mine. She's got me by almost fifty-odd year. Ha, I'll always be younger and hotter. And we'd have to sedate your mother if you showed up in cargo pants and a tee shirt at your own wedding. Besides, it'd just kill Joshua." Her eyes softened as she caught Rina's gaze in her own. "You're his princess, you know. You can't take that memory from him, Rina. That moment where he gets to see you soft and feminine in the prettiest dress he'll ever see you in, coming to be his. He's had so many precious memories taken from him." Her lips slid into a gentle smile. "Give him this one."

---

I had to put my cup down or lose it to the floor. As usual, Kiera cut right to the one thing that mattered and hit me with it. It's not all about you. It's a special day for him, too. Make it count. But first.... I hugged Kiera long and hard.

"Thanks for pulling my head out of my ass," I whispered. "Just help me pick out something that will make him glad to see me in it and I will owe you forever."

---

Kiera grinned. "You already owe me forever. So does he. It ain't right that I know y'alls insides better than you all know them. I'll bet my hands have touched and held more of your body than Joshua ever—." She cut her words as the door opened, her mouth open to continue, and then shut it with a silent snicker as Natalia strode into the room. Her lovely face was a mask of politeness, a pleasant smile etched upon her lips as she took in the surroundings with a sharp and observant eye and nodded to the two on the bed.

"Dobroe utro, Rina, and a pleasant morning to you, Miss Sullivan."

---

"Dobroe utro," I said in kind, and switched to English. "You're looking well. Thank you for coming, I didn't think you'd appreciate being left out of this and so ..." I took a deep breath and tried again, pouring her a cup. "Tea?"

---

Deirdre slipped in, closed the door, and took in the scene.

Discomfort there, but no trouble. Yet.

She was spared the need to intervene when a discreet knock announced the arrival of the dresses and Deirdre took possession of them, gesturing for silence. She hung them on the paneled screen to one side and waited.

---

Natalia took the proffered cup, the sadness of her eyes in sharp contrast to the warmth of her face. "Thank you, Rinushka," she murmured politely, taking the chair that Deirdre waved her to. "I am very happy that you invited me to this. Dierdre was saying that you had previewed some dresses already in the garden? And now we are to the point of trying them on? Thank you for sparing me the boredom of too many bad dresses."

---

I should have known she'd be like this. The past two days she'd been caustic when she hadn't been icily silent with regard to me. I let it slide. She was in pain, mourning the loss of Nikolai. I understood that and refrained from answering in kind. I had been fully prepared to die to win my family's freedom. Hard feelings were nothing set against that. Nevertheless, it hurt. Not that I would let it show. I still had enough pride to smile politely and shove my feelings down deep.

---

"She's doing beautifully," Deirdre interjected gently. "She's accomplished in two hours what most struggle to achieve in two days. We've narrowed it down to these." Deirdre took a dress down and held ut up for inspection. "You could not have come at a more perfect time, Madame Tigranova."

---

"Kiera?" The last thing Mother or I needed was to be in tight quarters together. I smiled my thanks to Deirdre, took the hanger, and got myself behind the bathroom door. The less Mother saw of me, the better.

---

Kiera fairly leapt off the bed. "We'll be right back ladies," she chirped, putting her hand into the small of Rina's back and propelling her faster towards the bathroom.

Once in, she pinned Rina with a wry grin. "Well, she's still pissed," she stated softly. Reaching out, she appropriated the dress from Rina and gestured for her to start undressing.

---

"If I'm lucky, she'll stop when I'm dead. Of course, if she dies before me, all bets are off. We Russians are like that." I shucked out of my tee and cargoes and shimmied into the dress Kiera slipped over my head. I touched it as little as possible—my hands were rough from work and I didn't want to snag the fabric. It felt soft and silky on my skin and I knew it would feel divine when Joshua ran his hands over me while I was in it. As I'd anticipated, it was several inches too long but I could still walk in it. I shrugged the shoulder straps in place and nodded curtly. "Once more into the breach…" Head up, back straight, I stepped out.

---

Natalia looked up from her tea and her perfectly painted lips parted softly. "Oh," she whispered, watching as her petite daughter emerged for viewing. She rose to her feet, setting the cup aside. "You look lovely, Irina." She approached her daughter slowly, almost wonderingly, walking around her thoughtfully. As the drape and shape of the dress began to sink into her mind, her lips pressed together.

"This is not the flattering dress for you. You need something that will not swallow you, daughter. Something to perk up your breasts, show your lovely shoulders. You always did have a well made neck, very much like a swan that flowed into your shoulders. You were always my little doll."

Her face twisted as sorrow worked its way over it, but Natalia regained control as she stepped closer. "What are those?" she asked, a long, graceful finger tracing a white line laid bare by the dress. "Is that a scar? My God, Irina." She turned and reclaimed her seat, clearly upset.

---

"Yes," I said, trying to keep it light. It was from Fei Wu Ling's knife, the one that nearly killed me. I was grateful that the dress hid my left collarbone and my shins. Otherwise my mother would be considerably more upset.

---

"Then what about this one?" Deirdre offered another dress, clearly intent on smoothing everything over.

---

Natalia gave a neutral shrug. She had turned to her teacup, using it as a prop to regain complete control of her face and eyes. When she again turned her attention to the future bride and the Companion, only a practiced expert could have told that anything was wrong.

Kiera darted from the bathroom door and slipped the new dress from Deirdre's hands. "C'mon you," she cried cheerfully, pushing Rina out of the room again. "Part two. Your mama's right, you know. This one is strapless. . .should show yer boobs great." She cast a look back at the Russian singer, her brows meeting for a moment before she shut them into the bathroom again.

"Lord Rina, she's never gonna forgive. First you leave, then you die, then you come back and worst of all, you've messed up the body she gave you. Why didn't you let me clean up these scars before we went and got yer family? Hell, a little dermabrasion, minor surgery." She unfastened the other dress and exchanged it for the new one with a sigh. "I hate family tension," she muttered unhappily. "You can't just shoot them and get it over with."

---

"I can't wear this," I said, catching sight of myself in the mirror. "You saw how she took this scar." I tapped the scar my right shoulder, then tapped the bigger one snaking toward my left. "She's going to go ballistic if she sees this one. Get me out of this." I twisted to grab the zipper at my back.

---

Quick as cat, Kiera slapped her hand. Hard. "You touch that, I'll cut your fingers off," she snapped. "This dress is perfect, scars or not." As Rina's startled brown eyes hit hers, the doctor shook her head, her own glittering with anger. "Now look Rina. I understand guilt. I do, I really do. But you can't let it run your life or let it force you to make decisions that aren't always right. You earned those scars; they don't seem to bother Joshua and they don't seem to bother you. Yeah, I was just yanking your chain about removing them, but if you consider them a badge of honor, then you shouldn't let guilt from your mother dictate what dress you wear or choose for your own wedding. That dress," and she took Rina by her scarred shoulders and turned her to the mirror, "is damn, effen perfect. Look at yourself and tell me anything else."

She stepped back then and let the mechanic look at herself and Kiera's nostrils flared as she looked at Rina's reflection in the mirror. "I've lived my life trying not to be what my father wanted me to be, driven crazy by guilt from how much I've been a disappointment to him and my mother. I've felt guilty hating my brother for succeeding when I've been such a failure in comparison. I've stayed on this ship longer than I've ever stayed on a ship, part because it's been fun, but part because of guilt. It's worked so far, but sometimes I have this deep, persistent feeling that my path lies somewhere else, that I'm just wasting time here because I'm paying penance for what happened to the Summer's Gift and to you all. I feel almost like I'm smothered in guilt Rina and you know what? I haven't made the best decision because of it. You look at that dress and you remember that you like who you are. And if you don't like who you are, then remember that Joshua does. He will love that dress. You look good."

---

I braced against the sink and tried to see what Kiera saw, what Joshua would see. Small woman, mid-thirties, dark hair, dark eyes, darker secrets. Broken and painstakingly put back together again. Brittle now, so brittle. And outside was a hammer with her name on it, waiting to bash her into a million pieces. True enough, but I wasn't the only one.

"No." I pushed off the sink. "This is the dress. Take it off. Mother will just have to wait to see me in it like everyone else. She can be surprised with the rest." I turned around. "Kiera, there's being tough and then there's being cruel. Guilt has nothing to do with this. She cannot see me like this right now. I can't just waltz into her life after fourteen years of being dead and hit her with everything that is me. It's too much for her to take in. So get me out of this thing and back into something she can handle, okay? She may be a bitch right now but she's still my mother. As for the hurt feelings? I'll deal with it."

---

Her lips twisted with irritation, but Kiera helped her out of the dress. After silently folding it to return it to Deirdre, she finally spoke. "She's not stupid, Rina. Putting you in a dress that covers all your scars won't cover the open wound that is you and her relationship right now. She sees what she lost, not what she gained. She wants her pound of flesh from you for putting her through that loss. And you're only helping her with that viewpoint. But hey, what do I know? Psychology was one of the first classes I failed in med school."

Smiling tightly, she tenderly gathered the perfection of the dress and went to speak to Deirdre to have it quietly set aside and a more modest dress sent in.

HOW TO SPEAK RUSSIAN

Dobroe utro = доброе утро = doh-bray oot-trah = Good Morning Sound clip

---

Go to Kiera's Crew Page or Rina's Crew Page
Go back to: Season Six, Aug 2522 to May 2523
Go to EPISODES or TIMELINE