Trust In Me
Sometime after 07 Jun 2521
Durance class, Equinox
En route to Regina
Joshua strode down the hallway from the medical bay towards engineering. Kiera had given him a clean bill of health from what he was internally calling the Rufus Incident . But now he was physically cleared, he had some emotional clearing of his own to do. And the subject of that clearing was almost certainly in the engine room, equipped with her usual suspects, babying the engine like she wanted to baby him. But that stopped now, he thought firmly.
He walked through the doorway and quickly saw her, right where he thought she’d be. She saw him and smiled and he smiled right back. He wasn’t really angry with her, after all. He just needed to make clear how he needed her to change her behavior. “Rina,” he said calmly. “You have a few minutes to talk?”
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The second I heard his footsteps ringing on the deckplates, I suspected what was coming. But when I turned around at his words and saw his face, I knew. In an instant, we were back at the airlock and his promise—You and I are going to talk—came back clear and strong. Since then I’d had ample time to rethink my knee-jerk reaction. I recognized too late what I had done. I hadn’t a leg to stand on, not a single plea in my defense. I’d transgressed, plain and simple, and now I had to own it. There being nothing for it, I stepped away from my work and gave him a smile and answered him.
“Of course.”
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“You want to do this here or in our quarters?” He was good either way. He was guessing she’d choose here, simply because it was her home turf, but the conversation with Kiera earlier had reminded him how clueless he was about women in general.
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“Our quarters, if you wouldn’t mind,” I said, giving up the advantage of the engine room. Forcing him to start off with a handicap wasn’t fair and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I wanted to show him I understood what I’d done and wanted to put things right. I also didn’t want to drag this out. I didn’t want to give either of us any time to second guess. “After you.”
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He chuckled. “Come here, you.” He grabbed her hand and intertwined it with his as they walked the short distance to their quarters. Once again, he had been proven wrong, which went to show that he didn’t know nothing about anything, as the expression went. The door slid open and they both went inside. Joshua sat down on the bed and once Rina got settled beside him, he turned and looked at her. “So,” he said, “would you like to talk to me about what you were feeling when I told you I was going to help Beggar restrain a gigantor of a drugged out criminal in an enclosed airlock?”
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Supremely grateful he didn’t insist on having it out then and there, I let him lead me to our quarters and once settled, I told him what he wanted to know.
“What did I feel? Fear. Anger. Loss. All I could see was you getting ripped to pieces and having to scrape you off the walls and putting you away in a box. A tiny one. And everything you’d promised, everything we’d planned for, nothing but air through the engine. All I wanted was to protect you from that. Was it rational? No. Was it sincere? Yes. None of it means I wasn’t wrong and I’m sorry. I’ll do better next time.”
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“Half the crew doesn’t expect me to be able to handle myself, Rina. Beggar doesn’t treat me differently, to be true. But, Nika and Arden treat me like their kid brother. Kiera...well, I don’t know what Kiera thinks about me, but I’m pretty sure it’s not confidence in my abilities.” To say the least.
Joshua smiled and squeezed her hand. “But none of that matters as long as you believe in me. I understand wanting to be protective of me. I feel the same way towards you. But you understand why I need you to trust in me, right?”
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“I do.” The past two years with Joshua tumbled through my head, random images too fast to focus, jumbled emotions too mixed up to separate rationally. Despite it all, I instinctively understood what he needed and I could see what denying it would cost him. He’d come to us frightfully proficient and incredibly naïve. What he’d lacked—something the rest of us had acquired naturally and took for granted—was internal legitimacy, a sense of self. It was something he could only grow into and being overprotective would do nothing but sabotage it. “I understand. It’s hard for me to follow through on it, but I understand.”
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He took her gaze into his and held it. “I can’t promise you I’ll always do the smart thing. But I can promise you I’ll always do the right thing. And if you trust me in me to hold my own, I’ll always come back to you.” And Joshua put her cheeks into his hands and drew her in for a kiss. Hopefully she really did understand. He could handle himself. And if she backed him in that, then everyone else would understand too.
Go to Joshua's Crew Page or to Rina's Crew Page
Go back to: Timeline Season Five, Jan 2522 to Aug 2522
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