Two Captains
Nika and Joshua continue to hammer out on how the captain's role is going to work. Going to be a fun season... (Thanks, Terri!)
Johannsen/Earhart Ranch
December 01, 2521
1335 hours, Boros Time
Winter has arrived in full. The weather in the plains of Boros is frigidly, bitterly cold and though the snowfall has remained in the under-a-foot range, there's been regular snow showers to keep it at a steady state. In the month that they've been on the ground, Nika has finally begun to find her footing. Larry and Nala have tried to make things simple for her, she's become a familiar sight following the line Larry strung between the house and the barn to guide her. Currying horses doesn't require eyes, though feeding and other chores do. She's also been making a point of going out to the ship -- now known to the crew as the Equinox -- to actively learn the halls, the feel, the layout. Although we're still several weeks from lift-off, it takes time to do these things and she's set about it in the past few days with the same determination that Joshua's seen her apply to flying through an asteroid field or re-learning the piano pieces she knew in childhood.
Aboard the vessel, Nika is finding it far more complicated to be useful than she would like. Beglan has been working on the computer itself, and Nika is definitely finding that her ability to help with wiring or other somewhat useful aspects is .... just as severely hampered as she originally feared. She's leaving the bridge, her hand brushing along one of the guide strips Rina laid down as she counts her steps, when she hears footsteps coming from the area of the stairs. She pauses, her head tilting slightly as she assesses the footsteps. Beglan's on the bridge. Too heavy to be Kiera or Rina. And a faint smile quirks the corner of her lips at the giveaway sound of murmuring. Arden doesn't talk to himself as he goes about his business, but Joshua has the habit of making himself mental notes under his breath.
"Joshua," Nika greets softly as the steps come around the bulkhead behind her. "Do you have a few minutes?"
--
Joshua shivered as an icy blast of wind blew across his body, the cold managing to penetrate through his winter gear. After the cold of Meadow's taiga, he had enough of cold to last a lifetime. Couldn't the crew pick a nice tropical island to spend 3 months on the next time? He sighed as he entered the ship and started to shuck his winter gear on the way to the quarters that he and Rina shared. He was muttering about the crew's lack of weather sense, one arm out of his jacket when he came upon Nika.
She was using Rina's guide strips (an excellent idea, he thought) to maneuver her way through the ship. Her hearing was also clearly getting more sensitive, if she managed to distinguish him by his muttering under his breath. It'd be a skill that would be useful, even once her vision was restored. He stopped and finished taking off his jacket, flinging it over one arm. "Of course I do, Nika. What's on your mind?"
--
Nika smiled faintly and gestured around them. "We could talk somewhere other than the hall," she offered easily. But she waited until he moved to slip her hand into the crook of his arm, far more confident and comfortable with his touch and lead in this regard than almost anyone else's -- with most people she still shied away from allowing them to lead her in this way. With him she simply didn't see the need. "Mostly I just wanted to check with out on how things are progressing," she admitted. "Beglan's cussing at the programming again, so I don't think it's going as well as we'd hoped but I didn't want to interrupt him to ask, either." She grinned. "Sometimes when you interrupt him on a tear, I can't get past the cute accent to actually concentrate on what he's saying."
--
"He's a good man," Joshua neatly dodged around Nika's commentary. "I'm signing him up since we could use another engineer considering the condition of the SmartShip." Unlike Rina, Joshua didn't immediately have disdain for the sophisticated electronic system. He wished it had been installed *properly*. It was kind of equipment that could allow them to get more high end passengers. They weren't any less trouble than the second class passengers, but at least they paid more for the pleasure.
He switched his jacket to his shoulder and wrapped his arm in Nika's, turning them back towards the Captain's quarters. "As far as the progress? Pretty solid. We'll be ready to fly in a couple of weeks and I've got Kiera looking into potential jobs for that time frame. We'll need some work to pay for food and fuel to get us to the Core. I have no desire to strain your sister's resources any more."
They arrived in the Captain's quarters, which belonged to Nika, which was either ironic or appropriate, depending on Joshua's attitude when he was thinking about it. He walked her to the bed. "I'm sitting you down on the bed in your quarters, Nika," he said, putting action to the words immediately. "You should be oriented from there." He sat down in the nearby chair, rolling it across from where Nika sat.
"So, I think we're doing well. Concerns?" Joshua didn't know if she had something specific in mind, but even if she didn't, he valued her random thoughts almost as much.
--
She allowed him to settle her on the edge of her bed and murmured, "I know where we are, Joshua," in a gently chiding tone. "Thank you, though," she added as she sat and pulled one leg up onto the bed to sit facing him. "It sounds like we're doing all right," Nika commented. "I'm concerned that the SmartShip system may keep us from getting off the ground if they can't get the bugs worked out enough. I'd hate to be in pulse if something goes wrong with it, you know?" She shrugged, though. "My concerns are .... more personal than professional. You're handling the job very well," she complimented. "But I'm reaching the point of needing to be... more than an ornament. I'd like to be able to put myself to use helping out, but I have to admit... I'm at a complete loss."
There was a wrinkle of her nose as she said it aloud. "So many of the mundane activities of day-to-day living require sight. I'm ... having trouble sorting out where I fit these days. And it's making me somewhat crazed, I admit, now that I'm physically healed up." Nika's moods are still not quite as stable as he might like -- her depression remains, but she is beginning to come to terms. He can see it in the way she carries herself. She's begun to accept her new reality, and in doing so seeking ways to reassert her independence.
--
"Well, it's not like I'm exactly a paragon of usefulness, Nika. You know as well as I do that the Captain's job involves a lot of standing around waiting for things to happen." He had been helping Beglan and Rina when appropriate, but a long term project like this wasn't well suited for his ability to imitate someone's skill sets. He'd maintain it for a while, then need to drop it and when he came back, he'd have to relearn all the specific SmartShip things that Rina and Beglan had already shown him. It was no wonder they had subtly told him to bugger off.
Joshua shrugged. "But even given that, if you want the job back, it is yours. I know that's not what you're asking, but if you think it will help, no hesitation on my part." At least none that she would be able to detect. "I can find things for you to do, much like I could find things for me to do, but neither of us wants makeshift work. Honestly, it just feels like we're both experiencing a little reverse cabin fever. Anxious to get ourselves locked into a moving breadbox in the Black."
--
Nika laughed softly, her expression... sad. "Yeah... I know you could find things for me to do, Joshua, but... I admit that I don't really know what to do when I'm not doing what I do best." She nibbles the edge of her lip, her hands seeking and finding one another in her lap. "And you keep offering me the captaincy back." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "Are you offering because it's what I was before? Or are you offering because you think I can and will do the job as you -- the group you -- want it done?" The subtext is unspoken but present -- does he want to keep the job and he's merely offering because he feels like he has to? And in some ways, she's seeking reassurance from him of where he stands one way or the other, because.... she's just as unwilling to take this from him if he's settling in as she is to take it back from him feeling that she's not really contributing. It's a conundrum she's still not quite managed to work through.
--
"I like being captain, or at least I have so far. And I think I'm pretty good at it. At least in my short timeframe. So why do I keep offering?" He smiled large enough that Nika could probably hear it from where she was sitting. Because, my captain oh captain, I don't want it coming at your expense."
Joshua wanted to phrase it so she understood that he wasn't feeling sorry for her. "You're a good captain, Nika. Me wanting to be captain isn't a vote on how well you did the job. I'm doing it now because you asked me to. But it was your seat first and it will be your seat for as long as you want it. That's just the way it should work."
--
Nika couldn't rely on the facial expressions or seeing his eyes, both of which are the best indicators for her of determining a situation. She tipped her head, listening intently with a faintly furrowed brow. "I want my ship back," she admitted quietly. "But I'm having a lot of trouble determining how best to go about this without creating a whole mess of trouble." Reaching up with one hand, she shoves her fingers through the long strands of loose blonde hair. She's begun letting Nala play with her hair, so while occasionally there are fripperies twined in lately, at the moment she's got a single small braid on each temple that is tying the front of her hair back while leaving the rest loose around her hips. The distracted pleating motion of her hands in the loose strands gives away uncertainty even if he couldn't read it in her expressions.
"I'm not convinced that having me take the job back is best for the crew," Nika finally said. "I think if people realize your captain's blind, they're going to try to screw you eighty ways to Sunday on every job we take. And frankly.... although you've always acquiesced in the past, I have a feeling you're going to feel the need for ... more autonomy after this." Her smile is faint but present. "Considering that this ship's always been somewhat fluid in its leadership, would you be interested in a tag-teaming of the role for a while?" It's something she's been considering.
--
That was an interesting offer, he thought. Nika seemed concerned that Joshua would chafe once he had experienced the freedom (or was it the cage?) of the captain's spot. But she hadn't really taken into account what he did best. Or what he used to do best. He had been made to shuck off one role and put on another like some people changed clothes. If Nika wanted him to step down, off would go the Captain's hat and on would go the XO's again.
"So how that would work exactly?" Joshua asked, intrigued by the idea, if they could make it work. "You get to be Captain on Monday, Thursday, Saturday and every third Sunday?"
--
Nika laughed. "No.... it would probably work more like co-captaining. It would..... well, Christian and I used to have something similar, I guess. We didn't use to fly with an official captain," she explained, still plaiting the strands in her fingers. "Normally I wouldn't share." Her tone sounds somewhat abashed at that. "But I also recognize that there are going to be things that I'm not... able to be present for or situations that I cannot assess properly without being able to see it and it's going to require a split-second decision. You have good instincts..... SOME of the time," she amends. "In general, I think it would just require the two of us to be in good communication on all fronts so that if a decision has to be made, it's very clear that you and I are on the same page. Which... translates to, I think, having some of those conversations we used to have at a table in private. Presenting a united front at all times. And if we disagree or need to debate a decision, we do it out of the eyes and ears of the crew."
--
"That's reasonable. But not likely to last long." Realizing how that sounded, he quickly continued on. "I mean, you're going to get your vision back. When that happens, will we revert back to how we were?"
--
And now comes the slap in the face of reality ... perhaps for both of them. "There are a lot of ifs out there, Joshua.... if we can even find this man that Kiera has us looking for, if we can actually come up with the money to pay his fees, if any therapy he comes up with will even work for me," Nika said finally, her hands stilling and dropping back into her lap. "At best we're looking at several months what with traveling to the Core, attempting to locate him, and so forth. That's not counting recovery time if he does have some way to help me that we can afford. That's not counting whatever else may bite us in the butt in the meantime." In spite of the fact that she couldn't see him, Nika's empty gaze on Joshua gave the solemn impression that she saw quite a bit. "Those are the best case scenarios. And when have the best case scenarios ever worked out for us?" she asked softly. "We need to plan for the long-term here. And if it all works out... well, we can revisit it when it happens."
Nika paused and then added quietly, "If that's too much up in the air for you, I understand that. And I'll step aside and let you take the ship, Joshua. Because there are a lot of ifs. And the uncertainty could be worse for our crew than a change of the guard."
--
For the first time since Nika had lost her eyes, Joshua was tempted. What he had told her was true. He *liked* being captain and not in a petty authority sort of way. It just felt right, like the last puzzle piece clicking into place. And so, when she offered to step aside, Joshua was oh so tempted to tell Nika that yes, it was too much up in the air with him, that he wanted to be captain full time. And there was a long pause while he thought about it. God only knew what Nika was thinking while he figured out his next move. But in the end, there was really one decision that he could make. At least if he wanted to live with himself after.
He reached forward and grasped Nika's hand from her lap. As he gave it a firm shake, he said with a slight chuckle, "Thank you for the opportunity, Captain. You won't be disappointed." Off went the captain's hat, for something similar, but not quite the same. Another day, another role, he thought. "Seriously, Nika, you'll always be my Captain. Even when we're on a level playing field."
--
The silences was fraught with a kind of tension. Nika hadn't been kidding. She would step aside if that's what the crew needed. Her own faith in her abilities aside, she truly was concerned with the kinds of hardships they might face with a blind captain. Sure, she could make decisions -- her brain wasn't impaired. Nor was her ability to weigh information. But her ability to form her own opinions on matters was somewhat reliant on being able to watch a situation, see how people were acting and interacting, and determining her options from there. Relying solely on other people's perceptions was not something she felt confident of. And she wouldn't have blamed Joshua a bit for saying 'we can't do it that way, it's too much in the air.' She was offering him the last out he was going to get from her, though, before she stepped back into her own shoes to try to find some kind of normalcy in the darkness.
When he took her hand, Nika let out a soft breath that she hadn't even realized she was holding. She squeezed tightly. "It's going to take some work, I think. But we've got time to work out the kinks, okay?" Nika swallowed. "And if you ever feel like this is not working, you pull me aside and I will step down in a heartbeat, Joshua. This is about what's best for the ship and the crew, not about what I want. If I'm not doing the job, if I'm more liability than partner, I'm not going to hold it against anyone. But .... I would like to try it."
--
"Captain, you're letting someone who has only been in the real world about 2 years command 6 people on a mid bulk freighter. I'll be the one not holding it against you if you tell me it isn't working out." There was a pang of disappointment at giving up the full responsibility. But it had never really been his to begin with, so he just needed to suck it up. If he saved his credits, maybe some day he could afford a ship of his own.
"But we'll get it all worked out." That he had faith in.
--
Well, he had a point there. And Nika couldn't help but chuckle ruefully. "Didn't really look at it that way -- been a little busy being tied up in my own issues," she admitted. "But it's about time that stopped. When Kiera comes back with cargos and suggestions, let's meet up and decide together. I'll try as we do this to start talking you through my decision-making processes where appropriate or letting you decide for yourself what you think and concurring or giving you a good reason why not."
For a moment, she thought about it. And then she shook her head. "It's not really how I learned how to be a captain -- that was sort of on the fly. But I'm realizing that basically most of it's by the seat of your underpants anyway." She shrugged, squeezing his hand once more. "We've always complemented one another in a lot of ways. Ultimately I think that will continue, regardless of whether my eyes can be fixed or replaced." But with this off her chest, she feels... better. About stepping up, about taking the reins back into her hands. If nothing else, having him at her back made Nika realize how much she's come to rely on him.
--
"Yeah, there was a little of that while you were unconscious and I had to make the decisions. Took opinions and did what I thought was best. There wasn't exactly a lot of training for that."
Joshua looked at Nika's face, a expression of contentment crossing her face. It was clear from the way her shoulders had relaxed, the expression on her face, and the tone of her voice, that she hadn't really been ready to give up being captain. And if that was partly how she defined herself, it was no wonder, epecially with her inability to fly. So he wasn't about to let her think that somehow he didn't need her, that it was all making it up as they went along. "But I'm happy to take whatever you give me. Someday I want to be a captain. Anything I can learn from you will be greatly appreciated for that time, far away in the future."
--
Perhaps not so far in the future. So far as Nika was concerned right now, she was not merely taking the reins of her ship back. She was training Joshua as best she could to replace her. The what-ifs of the situation with her eyes weigh heavily on her.... and he's not ready yet. He will be. But he's not yet. Not that she had been either. But she was going to do as right by the crew as she could and hope for the best. "From what I've seen so far, you're going to make an amazing captain. If we can just rein you in a little." The blonde grinned. "I guess that's why we work so well -- I used to be a lot more devil-may-care til people's lives depended on it. Between the two of us, maybe we'll be able to walk that middle road of gung-ho and too conservative." It's more like teaching one another when to jump in feet first and when to hold back. A give-and-take. If it worked. "So... you want to tell me what you were muttering under your breath about when you came aboard?" she asked with a smile.
--
"Oh, just complaining about the cold and how we can't ever get stuck on a tropical island." As he said it, Joshua remembered whose land they were on. "No offense to your ancestral home. I don't even have a physical home, so I shouldn't be griping about other people's."
--
The expression on her face is perhaps comical in some regards. Amusement mixed with a pang of desolation. "Oh, we've been stuck on a tropical island before too," Nika replied, forcibly keeping her voice light even as her fingers absently toyed with the ring on the chain around her neck that Rina had recovered.
"But admittedly, the winters here are harsh. It requires something of a sturdy constitution to make it out on the plains. Not unlike Meadow, I guess. It's nice to be home in spite of the cold. Nala tells me it's almost the holidays... I think perhaps we should stay through them. Give Rina and Beglan the chance to keep working on the SmartShip program and allow for holidays on the ground." It was phrased as a suggestion, but the idea of having the holidays at home for the first time in years clearly appealed to her.
--
"Potemkin destroyed all my Christmas gifts to the crew from my first real Christmas." Joshua's voice broke a little as he said it. He hadn't realized until saying it, until the heat of the moment had passed, how much that hurt. Especially his drawings of the Gift to Rina. They were gone and so was the Gift and there wouldn't be getting either back.
"Holidays on the ground among family would be good," he agreed after the pause. "I survived Meadow's weather without the good food and comfort of your sister's home. I certainly will be fine for a few more weeks, Nika. As I said before, unless something radically changes, we're on your schedule."
--
"I'm sorry, Joshua," Nika said, sincere regret in her voice and expression. "Potemkin wasn't even your enemy and he's ruined it for you." She shook her head and reached out, groping in the darkness to capture his hand and missing to awkwardly pat his thigh. "The least I can do is make sure you see holidays the way I always did growing up." She smiled. "Nala loves the winter holidays. Goes all out."
--
Joshua took her hand and squeezed it. "Thank you. It just kills me in a totally irrational way, you know?" He weakly chuckled. "Potemkin kept everything valuable...and destroyed my art. I mean, I know he was no art critic, but damn it!"
He chuckled again. "Ok, enough whining. What can I help you with? Not like Rina and Beglan really want me around right now."
--
Nika smiled, moving to stand. "Well, I was going to try to get a feel for our new Botany Bay. Why don't you take me on a tour?" she asked easily. "It's always simpler to have someone paint me a mental picture even if I can't see the real thing."
--
"You know I love my plants," he smiled. "A little smaller, but I still found room for strawberries." And he smiled as he gave her a hand and started towards Botany Bay, two captains walking hand in hand.
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