Episode 505: Stand and Deliver, Part Six

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Arden: Ship’s system? What ship systems?
Nika: Experimental computer. Experimental computer. Experimental computer.

Nika gets up and hauls ass to the bridge. Rina is three steps behind her. Behind them in the conference room, Kiera asks what’s going on and Arden fills her in on what she’d missed: he’d pulled Lagniappe’s experimental computer and installed it in place of Equinox’s so as to process his hack faster. Only now it looks like something unanticipated is happening as a result.

Kiera: It’s taking over the ship from the shuttle?
Arden: No. It’s been moved to the bridge.
Kiera: Oh dear.

Joshua scrubs his face and groans.

Joshua: So. What would you like for dinner?
Arden: I’ll have some crow.
Kiera: I’ll help you chop onions so I can can cry. Let’s go.
Arden: (to Joshua) Fried crow, please.
Nika: (from the bridge) Beglan, I need you.

The computer is gently prompting her over the speakers.

Computer voice: Awaiting initializing key.
Rina: Oh, bozhe moi. That’s me.
Nika: Wait, wait, wait. What are you going to do?
Rina: I’m going to type in the key.
Joshua: Why?
Nika: For what?
Rina: (carefully) For Lagniappe’s computer.

It wants the key she’d programmed into it, back when she’d yanked it off the Henri de Pollo’s AWACS and installed it into Lagnaippe so we could salvage it.

Nika: Why do you want to initialize the computer when you don’t know what it’s going to do?
Rina: (frowning) Good point.
Nika: We are at pulse. Ex-peri-mental computer. Maybe we should wait til we get to Paquin.
Rina: Okay.

Nika’s actually shielding the computer keyboard with her own body. Yeah. Seriously. Maybe we should wait.

Computer voice: Awaiting initializing key. Trying to initiate security protocol.
Nika: Beggar! (squeaks!)
Joshua: Now may be the time to enter the initialization key.
Nika: Okay. Put the key in.
Arden: What happens if you disconnect the CPU as it is now?
Nika: We’ll fall out of pulse.
Kiera: And that would be bad.
Nika: Or the engine will tear apart.
Kiera: Bad, really bad.
Arden: Okay.

Not okay. Nika is seriously panicked at the idea.

Nika: I could pull us out of pulse—
Joshua: No. Captain.
Nika: (still going)—and we can pull the computer but—
Joshua: Captain. (to Rina) Enter the key.
Nika: Okay, look. I can drop us out of pulse and we can swap out the computers back out but—
Joshua: Captain.
Nika:—but we don’t have enough fuel for that.
Joshua: Captain. Let her enter the key.
Nika: (no!) Ehnnnn!
Joshua: Let her enter the key.
Arden: What’s the worst that could happen?

Which comment nets Arden a wall-eyed look.

Joshua: We’re due for a little luck, Captain.
Arden: The problem is, what kind of luck are we due for?
Joshua: I’ve had my share of crappy luck. I’m ready for some good luck.
Arden: I have a pinhead. Can you tell me how many angels can sit on the top of it?
Joshua: 50.
Nika: Type it in.

Rina gets herself behind that keyboard and types it in: TeeS1xt33n The response is immediate.

Computer voice: Biometric inventory is empty. Please initialize biometric signatures.

Whoa.

Joshua: That would be … starting with you, Captain.
Nika: Um …
Arden: Do we have a biometric reader on the bridge?

Yup. A hand/palm scanner. Every single door on the ship has one. Nika marches up to the nearest door and puts her hand on the panel.

Computer voice: Please hold.

It scans.

Computer voice: Unable to establish Cortex feed. Storing biometrics in internal systems.
Kiera: That’s convenient.
Computer voice: Please enter name, rank, position.

Nika stares at the general air for a second and then recovers. She leans toward the door control panel’s mike.

Joshua: (murmuring) She’s committed to it.
Computer voice: Please enter name, rank, position.
Nika: Earhart, Nika. Captain. Captain.
Computer voice: Earhart, Nika has been accepted. Additional crewmembers should initiate biometric scans.

Everyone looks at Joshua. He hesitates.

Nika: Make it scan you.
Joshua: It’s an experimental tactical computer. I just thought I’d let you know that.
Nika: I hate you. Put your name in there. Do it.
Joshua: All right.

He steps up to the door and plants his palm and leans in.

Joshua: Drake, Joshua. XO. XO.
Computer voice: XO. Executive officer?
Joshua: Yes.

And we go down the list on the crew roster.

Arden: 689-C, Arden. Doctor.
Computer voice: Arden 689-C, Doctor. Scanned.
Rina: Sebastien, Marina Kseniya. Senior Engineer.
Computer voice: Accepted.
Kiera: Sullivan, Kiera. Steward. Steward.
Beglan: Shea, Beglan. Junior Engineer.

For some of us, it’s the first time anyone’s heard the names Shea and Kseniya. Privately, Joshua wonders which name Rina would actually give—her real one or her alias—and finds out.

Arden: Crew members, end.
Computer voice: Crew members have been accepted. Security level?
Joshua: (on firmer ground) Please list security levels.

The computer obliges with a list. There’s lockdown, where all the doors stay locked, and successively lighter levels from there.

Joshua: Security levels, standard.

Off to the side, Arden brings up a hopeful point.

Arden: Dare I hope that the Lagniappe’s computer can handle the SmartShip™ system?
Joshua: I don’t know.

Because until now, we weren’t able to get the biometric pads on the doors and other controls to work at all. We set the conditions on the doors and whatnot.

Computer voice: Computer detects additional systems on board. Requesting interface. Smart System.
Nika: List interface options.
Computer voice: Smart system. Tactical computer. Shuttle. Holotable L-6. Holotable B-7.
Nika: Smart system interface.
Computer voice: Initializing.

Pause.

Computer voice: Smart system assimilated. Smart system activated. I am detecting some electronic issues. I will pinpoint those and send them to engineering.
Kiera: (to Rina) Great. It’s going to bug you from now on.
Computer voice: There is damage to the ship.
Joshua: That’s awesome.

Whoa. Everyone on the bridge is quite simply floored. Our onboard ships systems that had us tearing our hair out are now fixed and working as they should.

Arden: Do you have an acronym or an appellation we should address you as?
Kiera: No. Don’t give it a name. It means it has a personality.
Nika: Query for the system: Can you detect whether we are broadcasting any signatures that do not belong to our communications system?

Clever! Ask the Smart ship system to find the tracking bug—if any—that the opposition planted on us.

Computer voice: The system does not indicate any additional emissions other than our transponder.
Nika: Well! Chalk one up for us. That means we’ve no tracer on us, hopefully.
Rina: If it’s all right with you, Captain, I’d like to go outside when it’s safe and eyeball it.

She can’t do it in pulse, thus her use of the phrase ‘when it’s safe’, but the minute we slow down, she’s going to be on that hull checking the missile damage. And looking for trackers. She’s not about to let the computer do all her work for her.

Arden: Computer, be aware there are other life forms on the vessel other than the crew. Feline, cat.
Joshua: One cat, two passengers.
Computer voice: For non-human entities, please bring to medical lab for scanning. Human passengers should be biometrically scanned at any of the available biopads.
Rina: Excuse me, Captain? Do we want those people to have biometric access?
Computer voice: Warning. Detecting obstructions in locking systems throughout the ship.

Ooops. Looks like now that the doors will actually work properly, we should get the screwdrivers, serving forks, rocks and whatnot we’ve been keeping the doors open with out of them.

Nika: Okay, people. Go through the ship, remove them.
Joshua: Computer, passenger biometric data. Temporary storage? Storage until … (having trouble framing it) How … inform me as to how ...
Computer voice: The Smart system stores personal preference data for as long as you wish. If you wish to purge it, consult the manual.
Joshua: That’s what I wanted to know. Thank you.
Rina: Ask it where the manual is because I don’t know where the tā mā de thing is.
Computer voice: The manual can be accessed at any computer terminal by asking for the manual.
Joshua: (to Rina) I’d like see you again.
Rina: I beg your pardon?
Joshua: I’ll never see you again. You’ll be talking with the Smart ship all the time.

Nika thinks that mighty funny. Kiera leans in and knuckles her eyes in mock sympathy.

Kiera: Awww. He lost you to a ship.
Computer voice: I’m detecting stress in your voice, Mr. Drake. Can I recommend a warm shower?
Joshua: You could recommend it. I’m not going to listen to it.
Rina: How about if I’m in it?
Joshua: (continuing) But thank you. I appreciate that.

That derails Joshua for a split-second before he continues.

Joshua: Oh, we do also have one robot on board.
Computer voice: Not detecting robot.
Arden: It’s off right now, isn’t it?
Computer voice: If robot is connected to the system, I will be able to access its functions.
Nika: We’ll have to reinstall the old computer into the Lagniappe again.
Computer voice: I recommend that you attach all robots and other vessels to my systems for parallel assimilation.
Joshua: This is so cool.
Arden: No. The word is awesome.
Computer voice: I want you to know I have great confidence in our mission.
Nika: Oh God …

We adjourn our staff meeting-cum-integration session on that lovely note. Of course, we have to explain to the Duquesnes why we want them to put their hands on the door biopads. At the mention of the Smart system, Parker Duquesne lights up.

Parker Duquesne: Oh hey, this is the Smart system. You got Smart system on this ship?
Kiera: Yeah.
Parker Duquesne: And yet you don’t have bathrooms in the cabins? What kind of crazy ship is this?
Kiera: We’re working on it.
Joshua: It’s a slow integration. Notice we’re not charging you extra for it.
Nika: It’s an aftermarket upgrade.

Meanwhile, Arden fetches our ship’s cat, Jahn, into medlab to scan him. Nika announces she’s going to the bridge to pull up the manual on audio, since her eyes still cannot read it. Joshua follows her.

Joshua: Captain? Was it not—let me check my watch—two hours ago that you told me you wanted to be one who take the shot and now you want to tell me you can’t read the manual? I don’t know what to do with you.
Nika: What do you mean you don’t know what to do with me? I’m a better shot than most people you’ll ever meet, even blind.
Joshua: I don’t deny that but if you’re going to talk to me how awesome a shot you are, don’t bitch about not being able to read the manual. Take the manual and hold it up to here—(to his nose)
Nika: I can’t read the manual. The print is too small.
Computer voice: I can adjust the font size.
Joshua: Take the rifle scope and hold it up to the— (off her look)—Ohh, you know I love you. I apologize. I didn’t mean it.
Nika: (grinning) Liar.
Joshua: I’m under a lot of stress.
Nika: Liar. (thinks) Well, you are not lying about the stress part.
Joshua: (conceding) This is the first cool thing about this ship. I’m sorry about that, by the way.
Nika: I still haven’t found anything cool about my eyes.
Joshua: (sighs) Yeah.
Arden: (sticking his head in) About what?
Nika: (sweetly) Nothing. It’s a private comment between me and Joshua.
Joshua: All right. On to Paquin.

As we fly on to Paquin, life gets back to a semblance of normal. Kiera’s starting on dinner, sautéing onions, and the Smart ship adjusts the burner flame to the exact amount needed. In fact, all the kitchen systems have been reset to their normal settings. All the hacks and jiggers we’d put in to get past the roadblocks are no longer necessary. for instance, turning on the oven no longer requires us to flip the switch on the trash compactor first. Back in engineering, the computer calmly informs Rina and Beglan that it has detected non-recommended rewiring which it’s now able to bypass.

Computer voice: This should be examined by a certified Iskellian technician.

Not having a certified Iskellian technician in our back pocket, we thank it for its recommendation and move on. Kiera and Arden put their heads together after dinner, wondering if they can get the computer to decipher the encrypted sections of the med computer. They find that the computer can interface with the med comp but it can’t get past the decryption. It doesn’t have the right protocols to do it.

Nika takes the old flight computer that Arden yanked from Equinox’s bridge and installs it in Lagniappe. Rina offers to go along with her to do the finicking work Nika’s eyes are unable to take on. Nika declines, saying she wants to do it, no matter how long it takes. o really, she wants to do it herself. Joshua makes sure that the safe remains off-line of the computer and tells Nika that he’ll set it so only she and he can access it by its combination. All our credits are being stored in it. If anything else important needs to be stored, let him know. The last thing we want is vital assets rendered inaccessible because of a computer failure.

When dinner’s at a point Kiera can walk away from the stove, she fetches Joshua for a quick word. She asks him if he wants to be present when she renegotiates the terms of passage and payment with our passengers tonight.

Kiera: Do you want to come, Joshua?
Joshua: What for?
Kiera: Negotiations. Pointers. I think when I bring them dinner I want you with me.
Arden: (serious) Yeah, cuz I might lose my temper.
Joshua: In their quarters?
Kiera: I’m going to bring them dinner and then casually mention of course the rate went up.
Joshua: For the danger involved?
Kiera: For the danger. For the damage. We still don’t know what happened to the ship from the missile hitting us.
Joshua: I don’t want to be part of the negotiations. I will tell you that I’m not the person to ask for pointers. So far, my negotiations have not gone up to spec. I do believe they said they did not have a lot of extra cash on them.
Kiera: As a matter of fact, we’ve got all their cash, currently.
Joshua: Well, they’ve got drugs. Are they selling when they get there? Have they said?
Kiera: They did mention that they plan to sell it when they got there, or they’d be willing to give it to us if we wanted to unload it.
Joshua: Do you want to unload it?
Kiera: No. I’ve never—
Joshua: Then negotiate something reasonable out of the sale of the stuff. Don’t overdo it. We messed up royally on this one.
Kiera: Would a 100 credits make you feel more better? Or 50?
Joshua: 100 credits is fine if they’ll give it to us. Don’t push it too hard, but we do have repairs to make. (to himself) Even though most of those are our fault …

Kiera goes to the Duquesnes with the new offer.

Parker Duquesne: So, what is it you want? You want to raise our rates? Is this beyond the bribe money?
Kiera: No, actually this is considerably cheaper. We just have repairs. If you would contribute toward them, we would appreciate it. Because the missile did potential damage to the hull. You have to admit the danger of taking you off planet was a little bit more than what you were willing to push toward us. Understandably, that the information you were willing to provide was not going to be complete. Nor did you realize that I understand that there was insane people chasing you. But any small contribution—
Parker Duquesne: Or that they would search. Or attacking Sheriffs and things like that.
Kiera: Well, that also. But a small contribution toward repairs would be very kind.
Parker Duquesne: Whereas before we might have been on a minor drug charge, now we’re aiding and abetting someone who’s assaulted a law enforcement agent.
Kiera: But do they know it’s you?
Parker Duquesne: Just saying that we’re fairly even at this stage. However, I’ll tell you what. We’ll see what we can get in terms of funds on Verbena. If you stick around, we might be able to help you out. And perhaps you can help us out again.
Kiera: I …would think that would be a wonderful arrangement. Just so long as we have a better understanding of each other. I mean, it’s all toward repairs because you were the one who took the shot that released it. And we would like to continue the relationship and in the future give you your own room with bathrooms. We would eventually like to make this a much better ship.
Parker Duquesne: Well, we have our own floor.

They do. As the only passengers aboard, they’ve got the entire passenger deck to themselves.

Parker Duquesne: It’s not too bad.
Kiera: Right.
Parker Duquesne: Except for that cat. What’s up with him? He seems crazed.
Kiera: He’s a very depressed cat.
Parker Duquesne: Well, when we get to Verbena, why don’t we reopen this discussion?

Kiera agrees, knowing now is not the time to push things. She leaves the Duquesnes to their gourmet dinner and withdraws. And so we fly on toward Paquin for our refuel and thence to Verbena.

The crew familiarizes itself with the Smart ship system as best they can. It’s not hard to see how it can make life easier—it’s possible to program everything from engineering diagnostics to favorite reading material and music in our quarters to most-used cooking settings in the galley to … hell, who knows what-all, all to be produced at your fingertips upon command. But as fancy at that computer is, there’s no replacing the human element and by lights of the engineer and the pilot, it’s something they both steadfastly resist giving up. No way is Nika going to let the Smart ship take over the stick for her. Neither is Rina going to let it replace her head, her hands, and her ears in maintenance and repairs.

Still, it’s a relief to be able to close a door without fear of being trapped on the wrong side of it. Or to be able to turn on the music player without causing every single toilet onboard to flush simultaneously. Or having to jigger two or three different appliances in the galley to turn the oven on. It makes for smoother sailing on the day-to-day living aboard Equinox. With hull repairs left hanging and the possibility of pursuit by the ANS, it remains to be seen if the rest of the Verse will follow suit.

Epilogue:

Nika’s manning the chair on the bridge when Joshua shows up with a cup of coffee in each hand. He hands her one and leans against the console to port of her and for a few minutes they each sip the brew in silence. Then:

Joshua: You do realize I committed us to finding those girls, right?

Nika cuts a look at him over the rim of her mug and leans back.

Joshua: Okay … so I’d like … I need a little something—
Nika: What do you need?

It’s not really a question.

Joshua: No, that’s what I need. Some kind of response. This is what I need.

Nika gently snorts and says into her coffee as she takes another sip:

Nika: Shi, you didn’t have to ask for that.

Joshua releases a pent breath and shakes his head. He should have known she’d say that. He sighs, happy and relieved, and settles into the chair at the comms station to her left. They sit and sip their coffee in friendly silence and watch the stars scroll by in the Black.

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