Episode 505: Stand and Deliver, Special Features

DIALOGUE TO REWIND FOR

Part 1:

Kiera: That’s okay. I’ve got your robot to carry the towels.
Joshua: (easily) Okay. Don’t break it.
Kiera: I promise I won’t shoot it if it tries to give me a drink.
Joshua: Or anything else.

Joshua: Beggar? What are you doing?
Beglan: Uh, just checking the intake valves, makin’ sure that there’s no clutter.
Joshua: (strapping) Is that important?
Beglan: Well, only if you don’t want a piece’a gravel wreckin’ up one of our turbo fans.
Rina: (breaking in via comms) In other words, yes.

Joshua: Is there money?
Vasquez: Almost certainly.
Joshua: A lot of money?

Joshua: They’re looking for our passengers.
Arden: How do you know they were looking for our passengers?
Joshua: Okay. This planet? (gestures) Has approximately six people on it. Total.

Arden: All I’m hearing is ‘guessings’, I’m not hearing any facts.
Joshua: Wow. You’re pinning me down on facts?
Arden: I’m just sayin’.

Nika: You want to tell me what you just did, Joshua?
Joshua: It wasn’t so much what I did …

Beglan: You want me to kill the Captain?
Rina: (cuts comms) No, kill the engines.
Beglan: Kill the engines? Without the engines, we’ll never get out of here.
Rina: Keep that up, Beggar, and I’ll kill you right along with them. Turn them off, please.

Nika: If I go looking on the local Cortex, am I gonna see your faces there?
Parker Duquesne: On the loc—you think this planet even has a Cortex?
Nika: They gotta have somethin’, cuz the Sheriff just landlocked my ship lookin’ for a couple of fugitives.
Marion Duquesne: Well, we’re not fugitives in any sense.
Nika: But?

Marion Duquesne: So … yeah, we may have some of that with us. So if these aren’t like, the Sheriff, could we just …? Leave?
Nika: (seriously?) Uh, no. Actually we’re landlocked at the moment.
Marion Duquesne: I don’t—I don’t know what that means.
Nika: That means there ain’t no takin’ off.
Marion Duquesne: Can they do that?

Nika: If-fff you’re a fugitive on their planet, I would say the answer’s probably yes.
Parker Duquesne: But this isn’t even an Alliance planet.
Nika: (seriously?) But they have their own laws.
Parker Duquesne: Yeahhhhhh, but I mean … (wags his hand palm down) … not out here. So much.
Nika: Um-hm.

Part 2:
Kiera: A bounty hunter with a personal card?
Nika: I don’t know if it’s bounty hunters.

Kiera: In other words, you’ll know them when you see them. (Seriously?) Uh-huh. What’s the likelihood of that person that Joshua talked to went back to air control and slid ’em some money and said ‘hold that ship for me’? Since this is the card that you showed me.

Rina: Kiera, I was there twenty minutes ago.
Kiera: (miffed) I’m slow. Usually from the non-paranoia! I’m an amateur neurotic. I’m sorry.

Nika: Okay. I’ll send my steward over to figure out what the gorram hell’s going on.
Kiera: Instead of your XO?
Nika: Apparently so, cuz my XO can’t lie.

Nika: And you’ll take care of it.
Kiera: Exactly.
Nika: And then charge them out the ass.

Nika: (archly) I don’t have any in my cargo.
Arden: Yeah, you do.
Nika: Uh-uh.
Arden: Oh … it’s on board the shuttle?
Nika: Uh-huh.
Arden: Oh, okay.

Arden: So it’s Joshua’s fault, now?
Joshua: It’s always Joshua’s fault. Have you not cottoned that, yet?
Rina: You should be glad, Arden. Before Joshua came on board it was always your fault.

Joshua: I just tied that down.
Kiera: Darn you and your efficiency.

Nika: We got a miscommunication thing going on.

Joshua: We’re boned.

Nika: Jesus God … This is like the friggin’ Keystone Kops.

Parker Duquesne: Probably. So that means he’s morally suspect and therefore we don’t have to do what he says.
Arden: Wow. I’ll let you explain that fact to him.

Joshua: (to Arden) Can you bust it?
Arden: Bust what?
Joshua and Kiera at once: The landlock.
Kiera: Sure. We’ve done it before.
Arden: If I get lucky.
Kiera: Well, get lucky!

Nika: I’m sure you can talk to him on the comm. He’s been trying to comm us.
Kiera: Oh. Well… Do you want me to answer? I’ll explain my reasoning. If he can be bought once, he might be able to be bought again.

Nika: I’m not liking getting the Sheriff stuck in the middle of that, if that’s what’s going on. Even if he is a monkey’s butt.
Kiera: Well, he was probably just making money on the side.
Nika: Yep. I know. Like I said, even if he is a monkey’s butt.
Arden: (hacking away) He’s an honest lawman: once he’s bought, he stays bought.

Part 3:
Arden: (to Nika) I’m not sure but I think those things are missile racks.
Kiera: Are you looking away from the screen that you’re trying to hack? Yes. Stop doing that. Enjoy your death when it comes from behind.

Nika: Type. You are not getting lucky if you do not get my ship off this ground.

Nika: Mm-hm. ’Kay. Are you the law in this area?
La Tormenta: Am I law? In this area, yes, we are law. In effect, because we have this big gun on our ship.
Nika: Yeah. There is a great big gun over there. So, here’s my question—what exactly do you want?
Arden: To blow us up.

Parker Duquesne: All right, look. Landlock’s a computer, right? Maybe we can … jam it or something.
Kiera: With what?
Parker Duquesne: I don’t know.
Kiera: With our incredible sound box?
Parker Duquesne: Okay. If that would work.
Kiera: I don’t have any disco music.

Joshua: How are we doing?
Nika: (breathes a laugh) About the same as normal.
Joshua: Not good.
Nika: No, your response is supposed to be, ‘That good, huh?’
Joshua: Well, I thought I’d go off the script, here.

Kiera: You’ve obviously vastly underestimated what I did for a living before I became ship’s steward.

Joshua: Don’t worry. It won’t come down to a fight. Because our ship will be blow up before it comes to a fight.

Joshua: Yup. (thumbs comm live) Rina. Rina.
Rina: (over the comms) Yeah.
Joshua: We’re gonna go raid the tower.
Rina: Okay. I’ll be taking my usual suspects.
Joshua: No killing.

Kiera: Captain, can I pilot this so that the two dingbats can go out the cargo and I can at least bring back the Lagniappe when they—
Nika: Um-hmm.

Rina: (pissed off) All right, all right! Can we please come up with a plan here? I’ve been jerked five ways come Sunday. You just don’t tease a woman like that and not expect her to be pissed off! What are we doing?

Nika: Shii … (hits the comm) … Intruders!

Nika: (looking over Arden’s shoulder) Dammit, we need to fix the computers around here.
Rina: The computer must be blonde.
Nika: I resemble that remark.
Rina: Yeah, but you’re more discerning as to who you open up for.

Arden: You’re actually pulling weapons?
Kiera: When do I not pull weapons?
Arden: We can always get ourselves another steward.

Joshua: I’m actually—I hate to say this but …
Nika: (grim) Hand them over.

Rina: I say we kick their asses out the door.
Nika: You guys, just—You know what? Round them up. Get’em off. Turn’em over.
Rina: Thank you, ma’am. (to Kiera) C’mon. Let’s go.

Kiera: (sighing) This is not going to do good for our passengers in the future, but okay …
Nika: I don’t care.
Arden: (to Kiera) See the ten-inch gun? That would do worse for the future.

Rina: We are so humped.

Sheriff Marley: Turn around. Put your hands behind your back.
Kiera: (flat) That ain’t happenin’.

Guard: Uh, we have a conflict, here.

Kiera: Captain. We have a problem.

Rina: Don’t fight it.

Joshua: How can they possibly hit the comm and say we have a problem and then not say what kind of problem?
Nika: Joshua, how much do you wanna bet there’s gunfire involved?
Joshua: Oh, hell no. That’s like a sucker bet. That’s a sucker bet if I ever heard one. I don’t got enough credits to handle that one.

Kiera: Um … there is a mercenary and a Sheriff unconscious with a broken arm … and a mercenary that’s being zip-tied.
Nika: (via comm) Oh my stars …
Kiera: But, Captain, on a positive note the door is closed. (pause) Dear God but that little woman can beat the shit out of somebody.

Nika: See? It wasn’t a sucker’s bet. There were fists involved.
Joshua: It was still a sucker’s bet.

Part 4:
Nika: I gotta do some spin control on the bridge. (leaves)
Joshua: Good luck with that.

Kiera: He’s—? Oh. He hasn’t broken the landlock yet? Tell Lazybutt to get his butt here.
Joshua: I’m not telling him that. (keys the bridge) She says you’re doing a good job.

Rina: Don’t you two recognize a fake-out ploy when you hear one?

Joshua: (to Rina) And he’s just hog-tied.
Rina: No, he’s not.
Joshua: Whatever he is—stop arguing with me.

Joshua: Captain? It’s about as under control here as it currently can be. I don’t know if they’ve got more people outside.
Nika: It’s the big gun thing I’m concerned about.

Kiera: Tell Arden to send down some medical tape. I’m gonna need it to tape his arm to his side.
Rina: I’ve got duct tape right here. (pulls it out of her coveralls)
Joshua: (off Kiera’s look) Consider it combat medicine. Arden’s busy. So … since the truck is no longer outside and they’ve got that big gun on us, when we’re ready to leave we’ll just casually open our cargo bay doors and casually move the Sheriff and the … hog tied, wire-wrapped, however you want to say it … off the ship and casually fly away.

Arden: We’re taking fire.
(Kiera peels herself off the deckplates and comms him back.)
Kiera: (sarcastic) Is that what it is?

Joshua: Okay. That was our cue to put the two of them on the flatbed, open the door, and—
Rina: Working on it.
Joshua: Work on it a little faster.
Rina: Gimme a hand.

Arden: You know it would have been so much simpler if we’d just—never mind.
Nika: Bitch at me later.
Arden: It’s not you I want to bitch at.
Nika: Bitch at me later.

Joshua: We’re gonna die. Maybe.

Nika: I highly recommend y’all stop shootin’ or I’m gonna put a bullet in your guy’s head.

Rina: They EMP’d us, the svolochi.

Joshua: It’s a cannon on a military-armed ship. What are we gonna to push it with? This flatbed? Our hands?

Joshua: Well, you know … this might not have occurred had the search gone relatively smoothly. Had the search had gone smoothly, we might have had more time to break the lock, but for some reason—and I don’t know what it was, possibly it was you, possibly it was both of you. I wasn’t there, I can’t say—but somehow I got down to the cargo bay, the Sheriff no longer had a workable arm and the … the mercenary was tied up and minus his weapons. Now I’ve been told that can spontaneously happen, but I’ve never seen it occur so I have to assume it was the two of you.

Joshua: So I don’t want to hear any bitching about how we aren’t going to go ram our flatbed into the cannon of the military ship across the way.
Rina: (off Joshua’s look) Don’t look at me when you say that.

Kiera: Penny for your thoughts.
Parker Duquesne: Suǒyǐ, zhè shì yīchǎng zāinàn.

Arden: (disgusted) Why don’t we nuke it from orbit? It’s the only way to be sure.

Kiera: (over the comms) Captain, can we stay dead so they they think we’re still dead instead of powering up?
Joshua: (low) Not at this point.
Nika: (comms back) Little late.
Keira: Grrrhhhahh!
Arden: Just wait, we can be dead.

Nika: Look, this is all my fault—
Joshua: Who cares whose fault it is? Let’s just get through this.

Joshua: If there was a moral standing, somewhere where I thought ‘gosh we should hold onto these people, they’re on the right side of things’, but from what I’ve seen, they’re basically just drug dealers. Polite and courteous drug dealers, but drug dealers nonetheless. On the other side of that, I really don’t like these mercenaries. They’re like Jing Jing Bei all over again, I’m tellin’ you...

Nika: Can we tie the computers together?
Arden: No. We’ll have to swap the computers.
Nika: Pull it.

Joshua: Captain. While I—
Nika: Joshua. He’s got a scope.
Joshua: You can’t see, Captain. You’ve got nerve damage. Let him take the shot.

Joshua: I know, I know. Let the blind captain take the precise sniper shot.
Kiera: And if she doesn’t do it, I can take the shot.
Nika: Yeah, but if I take it, it’ll enhance my rep. If I took out a comm tower at a thousand yards half blind …

Kiera: Dammit! (yells down the tube) They’re cutting!

Voice: You won’t get far.

Nika: Watch me.

Computer voice: Targeting computer is locked on our vessel. Dìngwèi de diànnǎo bèi suǒdìng zài wǒmen de chuan. Targeting computer is locked on our vessel. Dìngwèi de diànnǎo bèi suǒdìng zài wǒmen de chuan.

Part 5:
Nika: What do we know about the terrain in this area?
Joshua: (entering bridge) It’s a hellhole.

Nika: I’m taking us down the canyon and get us the hell outa dodge. Evade the targeting computer.

Kiera: It’s not airtight. They’ve cut the top.
Nika: Oh, shite!

Arden: I’m so glad I’m strapped in. Can we get back rightside up now? Thank you.

Rina: They’re tracking us. It’s the only explanation for the ease of our escape.

Arden: Despite me being lighthearted and joking around a lot, what the hell happened on the planet we just left?

Kiera: Well … technically—
Joshua: No, I don’t want a ‘technically’.

Nika: This is my screw-up. Look. I’m the one who said we’d keep them out of the hands of the law. I’m the one who then said, ‘forget it, we’re gonna turn them over’. That’s a mixed message. It’s not appropriate. It’s my responsibility to deal with that. (nods to Kiera and Rina) For all those two knew, it was a ploy.

Beglan: I know you all have a deep and abiding respect for the law …
Joshua: Wow.

Joshua: Let’s not use the word ‘innocent’ here. But we may have saved some people and let’s just leave the word innocent off of it. But I have to agree with Arden that—wow, I just said that—
Arden: It actually happens every blue moon or two.
Joshua: Actually it’s been happening more than we have been.
Arden: We always have.
Joshua: Hm. That’s true. Okay.

Arden: I just want to know: Am I going to get lucky?
Nika: No. You didn’t break the landlock.

Joshua: I think we all disobeyed orders. As I’m fond of saying, we are rabid cats.

Arden: Notice, Kiera? I’m being honest.
Kiera: Yeah, and it gives me the same gut-wrenching pain that being honest in my normal life gives me.

Nika: Glass houses. Stones. Let’s just not go there.

Arden: To answer your question, I didn’t think the Sheriff was an enemy like the way Potemkin was an enemy.
Nika: Fair enough
Kiera: (to Arden) That was cold.
Arden: What?

Rina: Threat assessment is another thing we need to work on.

Computer: Ship’s system initialized.
Nika: Oh, shi.

Part 6:

Arden: Ship’s system? What ship systems?
Nika: Experimental computer. Experimental computer. Experimental computer.

Joshua: So. What would you like for dinner?
Arden: I’ll have some crow.
Kiera: I’ll help you chop onions so I can can cry. Let’s go.

Rina: Oh, bozhe moi. That’s me.

Nika: I could pull us out of pulse—
Joshua: No. Captain.
Nika: (still going)—and we can pull the computer but—
Joshua: Captain. (to Rina) Enter the key.
Nika: Okay, look. I can drop us out of pulse and we can swap out the computers back out but—
Joshua: Captain.
Nika:—but we don’t have enough fuel for that.
Joshua: Captain. Let her enter the key.
Nika: (no!) Ehnnnn!
Joshua: Let her enter the key.

Joshua: We’re due for a little luck, Captain.
Arden: The problem is, what kind of luck are we due for?
Joshua: I’ve had my share of crappy luck. I’m ready for some good luck.
Arden: I have a pinhead. Can you tell me how many angels can sit on the top of it?
Joshua: 50.

Computer voice: I am detecting some electronic issues. I will pinpoint those and send them to engineering.
Kiera: (to Rina) Great. It’s going to bug you from now on.

Joshua: (to Rina) I’d like see you again.
Rina: I beg your pardon?
Joshua: I’ll never see you again. You’ll be talking with the Smart ship all the time.

Computer voice: I’m detecting stress in your voice, Mr. Drake. Can I recommend a warm shower?
Joshua: You could recommend it. I’m not going to listen to it.
Rina: How about if I’m in it?

Computer voice: I recommend that you attach all robots and other vessels to my systems for parallel assimilation.
Joshua: This is so cool.
Arden: No. The word is awesome.

Computer voice: I want you to know I have great confidence in our mission.
Nika: Oh God …

Parker Duquesne: Oh hey, this is the Smart system. You got Smart system on this ship?
Kiera: Yeah.
Parker Duquesne: And yet you don’t have bathrooms in the cabins? What kind of crazy ship is this?

Joshua: Captain? Was it not—let me check my watch—two hours ago that you told me you wanted to be one who take the shot and now you want to tell me you can’t read the manual? I don’t know what to do with you.
Nika: What do you mean you don’t know what to do with me? I’m a better shot than most people you’ll ever meet, even blind.

Joshua: I don’t deny that but if you’re going to talk to me how awesome a shot you are, don’t bitch about not being able to read the manual. Take the manual and hold it up to here—(to his nose)
Nika: I can’t read the manual. The print is too small.
Computer voice: I can adjust the font size.
Joshua: Take the rifle scope and hold it up to the— (off her look)—Ohh, you know I love you. I apologize. I didn’t mean it.
Nika: (grinning) Liar.

Parker Duquesne: It’s not too bad.
Kiera: Right.
Parker Duquesne: Except for that cat. What’s up with him? He seems crazed.

Epilogue:
Joshua: You do realize I committed us to finding those girls, right? Okay … so I’d like … I need a little something—
Nika: What do you need?
Joshua: No, that’s what I need. Some kind of response. This is what I need.
Nika: Shi, you didn’t have to ask for that.

SNIPPETS FROM THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR

Rina: Oh great, it’s the Rat Patrol.
Kiera: (blinks) Rat Patrol? Rats?
Rina: No, no. You know, The Rat Patrol, that Cortex-show? The one with the truck with the big-assed machine gun?

Arden: Um … could I get passage on another ship?

GALLERY OF GUEST STARS

• Parker and Marion Duquesne - Architect and Designer. Married. Druggies.
• Juanita Vasquez - Leader of the ANS unit that tracked the Duquesnes from Greenleaf to Jiangyin.
• Sheriff Marley - The beleaugered Sheriff of Parker Strip Station.

POSTCARDS FROM THE 'VERSE

• Parker Strip Station - The site of our little dust-up with the ANS. We parked at Landing Pad #1.

SHIP SPOTTING

• ANS Ship - The other space craft from Landing Pad #3, 'La Tormenta. (Spanish transl.: The Storm)
  

HOW TO SPEAK CHINESE

Part 1:
shi or shii = 屎 = shih = feces, shit Sound clip
Shàngdì, wǒmen xìngjiāo =上帝，我們性交 = Shahng-dah woh-men shing-jee’ow = God, we’re fucked. Sound clip

Part 2:
gāisǐ de = 該死的 = guy–sih duh = goddamn Sound clip

Part 3:
gǒu shǐ = 狗屎 = gow shih = dog shit Sound clip
shi or shii = 屎 = shih = feces, shit Sound clip
gāisǐ de = 該死的 = guy–sih duh = goddamn Sound clip

Part 4:
Suǒyǐ, zhè shì yīchǎng zāinàn = 所以，這是一場災難 = Soh-yi, zhuh shih yee-chahng zai-nahn = So, that was a disaster. Sound clip

Dìngwèi de diànnǎo bèi suǒdìng zài wǒmen de chuán = 定位的電腦被鎖定在我們的船 = ding-way duh dee-ann-now bay swah-ding zai wuh-men duh choo-wan (Lit. Trans. Positioning the computer is locked in our boat) Sound clip

Part 5:
Hè ěr wánzhěng xìng yǐjīng huīfù =赫爾完整性已經恢復 = Huh ehr wahn-cheng shing yee-ching h’way-foo = Hull integrity has been restored. Sound clip
shi or shii = 屎 = shih = feces, shit Sound clip

Part 6:
tā mā de = 他媽的 = tah mah duh = fucking (adj.) Sound clip
shi or shii = 屎 = shih = feces, shit Sound clip

HOW TO SPEAK RUSSIAN

Part 1:
Bliad’ = блядь = blee-yahd’z = Bitch, slut, whore, damn Sound clip

Part 4:
svolochi = Сволочи = s’voh-loh-cheh = bastards Sound clip

Part 6:
bozhe moi = Боже мой = Boh-zheh moy = My God! (exclamation) Sound clip

HOW TO SPEAK SPANISH

La Tormenta = Lah Tor - men - tah = (the) storm Sound clip

UNANSWERED QUESTIONS

1. Parker Strip Station is busy when we arrive, full of ore shuttles making runs to ore carriers, along with our ship and the ANS ship landing on the pads. The Control Tower says this is busier than they’ve been in a long time. How is the traffic unusual? Why?
   1. You think this might have been sarcasm on the part of the Traffic Controller. Two ships in one day! There was not a lot of traffic by most comparisons.
2. What kind of ore is the mine extracting? Is it of any strategic importance or is it just industrial?
3. What sort of drugs were the Duquesnes smuggling and dealing? They are well off, successful people. Why deal? Did they need the money? The thrill? What?
4. The Duquesnes mentioned a coup taking place on Greenleaf. What kind of coup?
   1. Are they involved in it? They mentioned there was some suspicion that they were? Why?
   2. If they are involved, is it possible the drug dealing is used to funnel funds to the people behind the coup?
5. Agua-Negra are the hired law enforcement for Greenleaf. How are they getting paid and by whom?
   1. If they are being paid by the government the coup is staged against, what happens if that government ceases to exist? Does ANS's contract likewise disappear?
   2. If they are being paid by the parties responsible for the coup, does ANS want the drugs for the money it can get them personally or do their employers want the drugs for the money it can get them?
6. ANS obviously can be hired across several worlds, spreading their jurisdiction and it's implied they will either work with the local LEOs or they will bribe/buy them out. Was Sheriff Marley bought out or bribed? Or was he still independent of ANS and was merely willing to work with them?
7. Equinox was hit twice by missiles. Her hull integrity remained intact. She's a tough ship but how long will she last if the damage goes unrepaired?
8. Now that the SmartShip(tm) system is fully operational, thanks to Lagniappe's experimental CPU, how much will life aboard change? How much resistance will there be to the SmartShip program? Will we be able to uninstall it in the future if we decide not to use it?
9. Now that Joshua has announced his intent to find the women on the Jing Jing Bei list, what impact will it have on the cargo operations of our ship?
10. In terms of responsibility to the rescued, what happens if a woman decides not to leave the life she'd been forced into?
11. In terms of the inevitable trouble we seem to fall into, what should we do if one of the rescued women wants to stand with us and get invovled in the trouble we're in. Do we refuse? Or accept her help and let her take on the same mortal risks as we face? How is that rescuing the woman from ruin? What are our moral obligations in that circumstance?

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