Faces of the Lord
The gaslights flickered softly as Katherine padded down the hallway to the library. The carpet lining the hall was deep and plush and were she wearing shoes, she still would have made no sound. She touched the warm paneling of the walls as she walked, trying to befriend her new home. It was vast, this new house, and even with the servants, it seemed to swallow her and Ezekiel. Her fingers strayed from the walls to her stomach. She welcomed the future noises of their twins, the bright and exuberant joy that children had in living as well as the inconsolable traumas of youth. All the little things that would make this great house a home. Children would make racetracks of the large rooms, fill the house with life and light more irrepressible and shining than the sun. But there was still quite a few months before they would make their presence known. Right now, they were only making their mother a little more uncomfortable in her corsets, forcing the maids to lace her more loosely as her belly had begun to swell.
She had abandoned her proper clothing and hairdo for the night, content in a soft velvet Rossetti gown of cobalt blue and silver to take her through the evening to her bedclothes. Her hair, free of its pins and combs, fell to her waist in a fiery curtain of waves and curls all too inappropriate for the servants to see. Although Neecy would probably scold her later, she was in her own house, properly married, and the servants were well-trained to ignore the eccentricities of their mistress and master. A proper wife would have been knitting new blankets and such for the children, not bothering her husband in his studies, still corseted and properly coiffed for the evening meal. But she had knitted enough for the evening, read as much as she could until she realized that she craved conversation. Ezekiel had been engrossed in writing a paper and she had left him alone in the evenings to write. Tonight, he wouldn't be left unmolested, she thought with gentle amusement. Not if she had anything to say in the matter.
Her fingers found the smooth lever to the rightmost of the double doors that lead into Ezekiel's study and she quietly opened the door and slipped inside.
He was bent over his desk and she studied him a moment, watching his hand move as he wrote. Against the setting of ceiling high shelves filled with books, religious items and tomes as well as their collected souvenirs from Egypt and other archaeological prizes and tools, he seemed to blend into the scene seamlessly, the scholar and theologian engrossed in thought and entirely distracted as he wrote. She smiled, lost in admiration and love, loathe to disturb him from his concentration. But at length, she went to him, sliding as gracefully into his lap as a cat.
"What are you writing love?" she asked with a smile, snuggling to get more comfortable. "I haven't asked because I did not want to disturb you, but my curiosity has broken my resolve to let you finish it unmolested."
"Hmmm?" Katherine's presence in his lap brought Ezekiel out of the world of deep scholarship he had buried himself in. It seems like it had been forever since he had let himself get enveloped in the familiar feel of paper against his fingertips, the sound of a quill scritching against a journal, the musty yet so-familiar smell of old tomes in the air. There had been excitement and adventure, which he enjoyed immensely, but also, as of late, he felt a sense of guilt. He had not abandoned the Lord. Far from it, in fact. Katherine's presence safe beside him with twins growing inside of her only had strengthened his faith in God. But his quest...that had taken a second place to his life with Katherine. But coming back from Egypt, he had an idea and once they had settled in relative peace, Ezekiel had made his way to his study to put it to paper.
He set the quill back in the holder and ran his free hand down her arm, enjoying the silken smoothness of it underneath her gown. "I have had some resolve to get back to my scholarship some, love. While this does not specifically relate to Excalibur, it perhaps might be a stepping stone to understanding where to look next. It has to do with the gods of Egypt."
The ghost of a frown marred her forehead for a brief moment; the worst of her memories were fading in the familiar safety of England, the moist air and green fields a stark contrast to Egypt. She was grateful that her nemesis, her memory, was her friend in this endeavor. Already, what she could remember most clearly were the good moments . . . meeting Rebecca, her fascinating dig, and the beauty of the land. And seeing her friends and family and the almost dizzying relief of being held in Ezekiel's tight embrace.
Warm and safe in his lap now, Katherine bit her lip to cover her eager smile as her curiosity overcame the last terrible memories, her mind racing with new questions. Egyptwoke anew in her head; mysterious, powerful, and full of pagan gods and goddesses. Set orIsis, Horus or Osiris, like a cat, she would still nonetheless look into the fire, whiskers singeing, needing to know why it burned and what colors were in it.
"Oh," she stated softly, "tell me about it."
"It is a theory of mine that God manifests in the way that he is mostly likely to be understood. We, of course, are only human and view things through the lens of our experiences and our culture. So the Lord, in England would show himself in vision as a father figure. But perhaps, inEgypt, he manifests as many faces. As Horus, as Bast, as Ra." He smiled at the beautiful redhead that the Lord had seen fit to grant him. "You, of course, understand why publishing the paper might upset some."
Winking, Katherine grinned most unladylike. "Yes and thus it must be published," she said softly with a conspiratorial grin, her eyes twinkling. "So God comes to you as you need Him? Or Her?" she added a moment later with a gentle frown. "So you submit that God is ever-changing, molding Himself to his children's needs and mortal inadequacies, rather than as a strict, unyielding father figure? Oh they won't like that. Moral consequences and flexibility goes hand in hand with that."
"More precisely," Ezekiel corrected, "He remains the same. We just view him differently. Some view through a spyglass, others through spectacles, and still others pick up a magnifying glass. Some days, He is the sunlight, some days He is the rainbow. But He remains constant." A soft smile crossed his face. "Or perhaps She does. But regardless, I do not think the higher ups of the church would be fond of the idea of bowing down to a cat goddess."
"Or a goddess period," Katherine agreed. She wiggled a little to look him in the eyes better, intently interested in the conversation. "So God is the rainbow, split by the prism of our own needs and prejudices? One person sees blue and the other red and yet another yellow. But He is one light, all white. Yes?" She bit her finger, thinking for a moment and then added, "What does one make of Set? What manifestation is he?"
"That, love, depends on whether you believe Evil is an entity separate from the Creator. Some scholars believe that Satan is nothing more than another element of God, since by the very definition of omnipotence and omniscience, he must control all." Ezekiel thought back to some of the many dark creatures they had fought. Remembering their foul presence made his answer easy. "I, however, believe in Evil as a tangible force. Perhaps because we, as human beings, must contest the darkness for us to truly appreciate the light. Which means that Set is just another face of that darkness."
He ran his hand across her cheek. "Do dreams of Set still trouble you, Katherine? I would not want to bring up a topic of conversation that would cause you anguish." Dark thoughts might lead to dark dreams which would lead to melancholy. And that certainly would affect their unborn children. He had never thought before the Lord would grant him the glorious chance to be a father, but now that the time approached, Ezekiel found himself perhaps overprotective of his wife and children.
Her eyes were soft as she caught his hand to kiss his palm tenderly, stroking it with loving fingers. "The scholar in me is far too interested in the topic to be frightened. And in your arms, how can I be afraid?" She leaned forward to kiss his lips, pulling back with a smile. "I will dream of Egypt and Set; he is in the darkness of my doubts and fear. But there will be others, I'm certain, and far more evil than he. But if God wills, I will be with you and you with me. You smile at me and all fears vanish, Ezekiel. You hold me and all terror fades. You kiss me and I know what Heaven is like. You are my wall against my back and my knight at my side. What is Set against all that, love?" Katherine raised an eyebrow. "So also it may be argued that Evil appears to you as you need it. Wonder what evil will tempt us someday?"
"Our faith will be tested. As will the willingness to serve my cause. I have been given so much, both in material goods and titles, and beyond that, so many people that I love. It would be very easy to become complacent." Bertie and the Colonel both, in fact, would prefer that he stop being such a "godswaddler" and become a more traditional noble. All the more reason to search for new ways to bring justice to those in need.
"I see our money as a way to help those in need. And I don't see you as becoming complacent, my dear husband. Even now, you write a paper to challenge the staid foundations of the Church's view of God. However, you have not answered my question. Does evil appear as you need it, to tempt you towards the path of wrong like God comes to you as the butterfly upon the wind on a spring day? Or is it always dark, unable to shift from its true form?" She brushed a lock of hair from his forehead fondly. "Maybe evil comes as the temptation of a woman on your lap, to keep you from writing the truth."
He shook his head seriously. "I would never have you refer to yourself as Evil, Katherine, not even in jest. I love you too much for that." Ezekiel took the back of her hand and kissed it. "The Lord puts obstacles in our way. But Evil exists to destroy all that is good and light. We view it in different ways, but it is always darkness because it knows no other way. Mortals were given the gift of choice and free will so that we might be able to choose the light on our own. And so, even as I choose to fight and destroy that which is Evil, it saddens me for those forces have no chance for redemption."
Katherine's face fell suddenly. "The Bishop," she murmured, ”and my captors. Surely, there is a path back, Ezekiel. We prayed for the Bishop. Surely darling, there must be the butterfly for them. If they look and understand."
Ezekiel nodded reassuringly. "Yes, love, they were human. While they chose evil, the option for redemption was always available for them. It is the Lord's greatest gift, that we may always be forgiven if we reach for it with true intent in our heart."
Katherine nodded solemnly, her eyes suddenly far away. There were so many mortal dangers beyond the physical in the world, more than she ever realized. Life playing and dancing among the menhaden and circles on the moors and fields and on the cliffs by the North Sea had seemed magical. And the bad men she had made up to fight and to be saved from were never so dark or so very human as the ones she and Ezekiel faced. But they would face them together. She sighed and told him that, snuggling into his arms, laying her head on his shoulder.
As he held the wife he had never thought he would be lucky enough to have, Ezekiel corrected his own thoughts in his head. Redemption would be God's second greatest gift, because love must be the first.
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