Nika at 14:50, 16 June 2009

2009-06-16T14:50:48Z

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"Nala, I .... really need to talk. I don't think I'll be home any time
soon, but... I really want to be. God, I miss you. Send me a wave back,
okay? Tell me how everyone's doing. Love you."

"Nika, you don't sound right. What's going on out there? Come home. If
you need to, come home anytime you want. Things are good here. Your
nephew's growing by leaps and bounds, I can barely keep the kid in
clothes. The ranch is doing well. Your old crew stopped in several
months ago, dropped off some really nice bolts of cloth and a new sewing
machine! Was that your doing? Let me know if you're heading for Georgia,
okay?"

"Nala, ..... No, the sewing machine wasn't my doing. *laugh* Must have
been Harry or Shyla. I doubt the guys would have thought of it. What
were they doing on Boros? Never mind, I'm sure they didn't bother to
say. I'm glad they stopped in to check on you, though, that makes me
feel a little better. I, uhm.... Well, I guess my problem is twofold. I
got into some trouble and got shot not too long ago. I'm okay now, but
it's making me.... think about some stuff. Nal.... do you think Dad was
mad at me for not coming home after the war? Do you... are you mad at me
for leaving the ranch in your hands?"

"Nika, what in heaven's name are you blathering about? Dad was //never//
upset at you for staying out that? Shi, girl, he knew from the time you
were like.... I don't know.... TWELVE? that you were not going to stay
here and work the ranch. Let me tell you a secret. After you left to go
to the war, I found Daddy sitting on the porch one night looking at the
stars. He looked weird, so I stood there a while and waited. And
finally, he looked at me and said, 'Don't take this wrong, little girl,
but I'm really glad you're not an adventurous sort.' I must have looked
somewhat befuddled, because he laughed then and he said he'd known since
you were a toddler that you wouldn't stay on Boros. Didn't know how he
knew, but something about the way you used to sit in the yard and stare
at the sky must have given him .... insight. He told me that night that
he'd been waiting for you to show interest in flying or something
literally from that time on, and when you finally did, he knew from the
first time you put your butt in a cockpit that you were just going to go
one day and not come back. Or at least... only for visits. So no... Dad
was not mad at you for not being home. If he'd had time to feel anything
at all, I think his only feeling was of regret that he couldn't wait for
you to //get// home. His heart was giving him trouble for a long time
before that, but it was one of those 'could be anytime, could be 50
years from now' kinds of things. I'm sorry you've been carrying that
with you for so long. And hell no, I'm not mad at you -- I'm the one who
pushed you out the door that last time. Though I admit to being
surprised that you didn't go right back to Harbinger. What happened with
that, anyway?"

"Nala.... thanks. I needed to hear you say it. Honestly, I don't know
why I didn't go back. Part of it was just... Dad's death. Part was your
asshole husband's death and the trial. Part of it was... just needing
something different. The crew I'm running with right now is definitely
that. And we've run across Harbinger once out here, which was nice...
though I had to skip out on a barbecue dinner. That sucked. *grin*"

"Nika, Awww. Well, bring your new friends home too. You know we'll be
thrilled to see you. Listen... I don't know what's got you in a twist
out there, but seriously.... talk to me about it. I want to hear, and
I'll help if I can. You just don't sound right, baby sister."

"Nala, you're barely ten minutes older'n me, what's with 'baby sister'?
Brat. If we get back that way, I'll definitely let you know.... but as
to what's on my mind? I..... I'm not sure I should tell you in a
Wave.... you know those thunderstorms we used to watch roll in? When I
got hurt, I had a lot of dreams. Nightmares, really... a lot of stuff
seems to be unresolved in my head. Shooting the asshole, sleeping with a
friend's guy -- I didn't //know// he was her guy! I swear it!! -- Dad
dying, leaving Harbinger... just... a lot of stuff I guess I thought I
had under control that I don't. And I want to come home, but I don't
think that's going to fix it, truthfully. I just... need to wade through
the black in my head, you know?"

"Nika, you always did overthink things. Stop making it so hard on
yourself, will you? As to the guy... sheesh. So not touching that! Love
you, sis."

Dead Girls Call Home Too - Revision history

Nika at 14:50, 16 June 2009