Images - Revision history

Taimdala at 04:22, 17 April 2009

2009-04-17T04:22:46Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:22, 17 April 2009
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	So many disjointed images. Things I see that make no sense.		''So many disjointed images. Things I see that make no sense.''

	''Rina. She’s bleeding. Why am I cutting her? What’s … is this ''Harbinger''? How did we get here? ''		''Rina. She’s bleeding. Why am I cutting her? What’s … is this ''Harbinger''? How did we get here? ''

Taimdala at 04:20, 17 April 2009

2009-04-17T04:20:31Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:20, 17 April 2009
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	So many disjointed images. Things I see that make no sense.		So many disjointed images. Things I see that make no sense.

	''Rina. She’s bleeding. Why am I cutting her? What’s … is this		''Rina. She’s bleeding. Why am I cutting her? What’s … is this ''Harbinger''? How did we get here? ''
	''Harbinger''? How did we get here? ''

	''“You’re a disgrace. What kind of a person are you, to tell a man that		''“You’re a disgrace. What kind of a person are you, to tell a man that blood turns you on?”''
	blood turns you on?”''

	''“No, Rina, it was… I never meant it!”''		''“No, Rina, it was… I never meant it!”''

	''“You meant it enough that the next thing you did was screw him.~~'' ''~~You		''“You meant it enough that the next thing you did was screw him. You enjoyed it, don’t lie to me!”''
	enjoyed it, don’t lie to me!”''

	''Is she talking about Carter? I didn’t want to keep him, Rina! He wasn’t		''Is she talking about Carter? I didn’t want to keep him, Rina! He wasn’t mine, he was just… there. He understood. Don’t you get it? Oh God! No! The knife… in my chest. Can’t breathe! Can’t breathe! gasp I have to get the knife… I have to…''
	mine, he was just… there. He understood. Don’t you get it? Oh God! No!
	The knife… in my chest. Can’t breathe! Can’t breathe! gasp I have to
	get the knife… I have to…''

	''“I… It was just… a moment, Rina. I didn’t know he was tied to someone;		''“I… It was just… a moment, Rina. I didn’t know he was tied to someone; he didn’t act like it! Hell… he started it! All I offered was a hot shower and hot food and a bunk!”''
	he didn’t act like it! Hell… he started it! All I offered was a hot
	shower and hot food and a bunk!”''

	''“Oh right… And just like that you jump in the sack? You’re no better		''“Oh right… And just like that you jump in the sack? You’re no better than Christian. In fact, you’re worse! At least he’s honest about what he is!”''
	than Christian. In fact, you’re worse! At least he’s honest about what
	he is!”''

	''“Rina, no! That’s not true!”''		''“Rina, no! That’s not true!”''
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	''Where am I now? The ranch… how did I get here? ''		''Where am I now? The ranch… how did I get here? ''

	''“You’re not sorry you killed him. You wanted to do it before. Every		''“You’re not sorry you killed him. You wanted to do it before. Every time he touched Nala, you wanted it to be you. What is it with you and men who don’t belong to you, Nika? You’re so jealous of me, of Nala, that you sleep with our men or kill them because they don’t want you in return?”''
	time he touched Nala, you wanted it to be you. What is it with you and
	men who don’t belong to you, Nika? You’re so jealous of me, of Nala,
	that you sleep with our men or kill them because they don’t want you in
	return?”''

	''“Rina, that’s ridiculous! Nala’s husband was a bastard.”''		''“Rina, that’s ridiculous! Nala’s husband was a bastard.”''
Line 44:		Line 30:
	''“I never wanted him. Go away, I don’t want to talk about him anymore!”''		''“I never wanted him. Go away, I don’t want to talk about him anymore!”''

	''I cover my eyes, hoping she’ll vanish and get out of here. I have to be		''I cover my eyes, hoping she’ll vanish and get out of here. I have to be dreaming, this is stupid. Please… please, God, make it all stop.''
	dreaming, this is stupid. Please… please, God, make it all stop.''

	''“Just like you don’t want to talk about lusting after Christian?”''		''“Just like you don’t want to talk about lusting after Christian?”''

	''“Now that’s just wrong on too many levels to count,” I shout,		''“Now that’s just wrong on too many levels to count,” I shout, uncovering my eyes. We’re standing in the middle of a beach, a coastline I’ve seen before but I can’t remember where. So many planets I’ve only glimpsed during courier runs on the ''Harbinger.'' It’s lovely. I see Rina standing there in her stupid coveralls.''
	uncovering my eyes. We’re standing in the middle of a beach, a coastline
	I’ve seen before but I can’t remember where. So many planets I’ve only
	glimpsed during courier runs on the ''Harbinger.'' It’s lovely. I see Rina
	standing there in her stupid coveralls.''

	''“Oh, he’s pretty enough,” Rina tells me.''		''“Oh, he’s pretty enough,” Rina tells me.''
Line 61:		Line 42:
	''Rina laughs. “Well, at least you’re honest about why you don’t want him.”''		''Rina laughs. “Well, at least you’re honest about why you don’t want him.”''

	''I’m embarrassed. I like Christian… I think I might even love him, in		''I’m embarrassed. I like Christian… I think I might even love him, in the way you love a strange sibling that you don’t quite understand. Why are we even talking about him? Is Rina supposed to be my conscience or something? Wow, isn’t that a kick in the ass.''
	the way you love a strange sibling that you don’t quite understand. Why
	are we even talking about him? Is Rina supposed to be my conscience or
	something? Wow, isn’t that a kick in the ass.''

	''Suddenly I’m back in the med bay of Summer’s Gift. What’s happening? I		''Suddenly I’m back in the med bay of'' Summer’s Gift. ''What’s happening? I feel so… out of control. I pry my eyes open and I find Brian and Rina… what the hell are they doing while I lie here dying? My throat feels all closed. I can’t breathe! Why can’t I breathe? I’m choking!! Why aren’t they doing anything for me? Help! Help! I can’t breathe! Is she having sex with in him front of my dead body? Why would she have sex with Brian? Rage… I feel such rage. Is this how she felt at finding out that I’d slept with Mike? It was nothing! It was a moment in time, nothing more. Help! I can’t breathe! White-hot pain jolts through me, and I can’t move! Rina! Please? Is this revenge? Why can’t I move? Why won’t you help me? You bitch!''
	feel so… out of control. I pry my eyes open and I find Brian and Rina…
	what the hell are they doing while I lie here dying? My throat feels all
	closed. I can’t breathe! Why can’t I breathe? I’m choking!! Why aren’t
	they doing anything for me? Help! Help! I can’t breathe! Is she having
	sex with in him front of my dead body? Why would she have sex with
	Brian? Rage… I feel such rage. Is this how she felt at finding out that
	I’d slept with Mike? It was nothing! It was a moment in time, nothing
	more. Help! I can’t breathe! White-hot pain jolts through me, and I
	can’t move! Rina! Please? Is this revenge? Why can’t I move? Why won’t
	you help me? You bitch!''

	''I hurl myself at her with a knife that appears from nowhere, and		''I hurl myself at her with a knife that appears from nowhere, and suddenly Arden is the one I’m stabbing in the stomach, the two of us facing one another in med bay with no one else around. He looks shocked. I’ve cut him and he’s bleeding out, and I stare at him, stunned. “What are you doing here?”''
	suddenly Arden is the one I’m stabbing in the stomach, the two of us
	facing one another in med bay with no one else around. He looks shocked.
	I’ve cut him and he’s bleeding out, and I stare at him, stunned. “What
	are you doing here?”''

	''He gasps a reply, “Helping you! Is this how you treat everyone who		''He gasps a reply, “Helping you! Is this how you treat everyone who helps you? You’re always pushing them away, do you like being alone?”''
	helps you? You’re always pushing them away, do you like being alone?”''

	''“I’m not alone. I have people!”''		''“I’m not alone. I have people!”''

	''“And they’re all a Verse away,” he replies with blood pouring down his		''“And they’re all a Verse away,” he replies with blood pouring down his front. “Is that the way you want it?”''
	front. “Is that the way you want it?”''

	''“I… I don’t know.”''		''“I… I don’t know.”''
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	behind her.		behind her.

	The dreams were not a ~~surprised~~. She’d suffered traumatic nightmares		The dreams were not a surprise. She’d suffered traumatic nightmares
	before, but this? She died on the table. The scar on her chest, as		before, but this? She died on the table. The scar on her chest, as
	minimal as Arden tried to make it, told the story of just how close it		minimal as Arden tried to make it, told the story of just how close it

Taimdala at 04:13, 17 April 2009

2009-04-17T04:13:39Z

← Older revision		Revision as of 04:13, 17 April 2009
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	''“No, Rina, it was… I never meant it!”''		''“No, Rina, it was… I never meant it!”''

	''“You meant it enough that the next thing you did was screw him. You		''“You meant it enough that the next thing you did was screw him.'' ''You
	enjoyed it, don’t lie to me!” ''		enjoyed it, don’t lie to me!”''

	''Is she talking about Carter? I didn’t want to keep him, Rina! He wasn’t		''Is she talking about Carter? I didn’t want to keep him, Rina! He wasn’t

Taimdala at 04:13, 17 April 2009

2009-04-17T04:13:03Z

New page

<br><br>
So many disjointed images. Things I see that make no sense.

''Rina. She’s bleeding. Why am I cutting her? What’s … is this
''Harbinger''? How did we get here? ''

''“You’re a disgrace. What kind of a person are you, to tell a man that
blood turns you on?”''

''“No, Rina, it was… I never meant it!”''

''“You meant it enough that the next thing you did was screw him. You
enjoyed it, don’t lie to me!” ''

''Is she talking about Carter? I didn’t want to keep him, Rina! He wasn’t
mine, he was just… there. He understood. Don’t you get it? Oh God! No!
The knife… in my chest. Can’t breathe! Can’t breathe! *gasp* I have to
get the knife… I have to…''

''“I… It was just… a moment, Rina. I didn’t know he was tied to someone;
he didn’t act like it! Hell… he *started* it! All I offered was a hot
shower and hot food and a bunk!”''

''“Oh right… And just like that you jump in the sack? You’re no better
than Christian. In fact, you’re worse! At least he’s honest about what
he is!”''

''“Rina, no! That’s not true!”''

''Everything around me shifts.''

''Where am I now? The ranch… how did I get here? ''

''“You’re not sorry you killed him. You wanted to do it before. Every
time he touched Nala, you wanted it to be you. What is it with you and
men who don’t belong to you, Nika? You’re so jealous of me, of Nala,
that you sleep with our men or kill them because they don’t want you in
return?”''

''“Rina, that’s ridiculous! Nala’s husband was a bastard.”''

''“Sure, but that didn’t stop you from wanting him.”''

''“I *never* wanted him. Go away, I don’t want to talk about him anymore!”''

''I cover my eyes, hoping she’ll vanish and get out of here. I have to be
dreaming, this is stupid. Please… please, God, make it all stop.''

''“Just like you don’t want to talk about lusting after Christian?”''

''“Now that’s just wrong on too many levels to count,” I shout,
uncovering my eyes. We’re standing in the middle of a beach, a coastline
I’ve seen before but I can’t remember where. So many planets I’ve only
glimpsed during courier runs on the ''Harbinger.'' It’s lovely. I see Rina
standing there in her stupid coveralls.''

''“Oh, he’s pretty enough,” Rina tells me.''

''“Yeah… too pretty by half, and … well, not really … manly.”''

''Rina laughs. “Well, at least you’re honest about why you don’t want him.”''

''I’m embarrassed. I like Christian… I think I might even love him, in
the way you love a strange sibling that you don’t quite understand. Why
are we even talking about him? Is Rina supposed to be my conscience or
something? Wow, isn’t that a kick in the ass.''

''Suddenly I’m back in the med bay of Summer’s Gift. What’s happening? I
feel so… out of control. I pry my eyes open and I find Brian and Rina…
what the hell are they doing while I lie here dying? My throat feels all
closed. I can’t breathe! Why can’t I breathe? I’m choking!! Why aren’t
they *doing* anything for me? Help! Help! I can’t breathe! Is she having
sex with in him front of my dead body? Why would she have sex with
Brian? Rage… I feel such rage. Is this how she felt at finding out that
I’d slept with Mike? It was nothing! It was a moment in time, nothing
more. Help! I can’t breathe! White-hot pain jolts through me, and I
can’t move! Rina! Please? Is this revenge? Why can’t I move? Why won’t
you help me? You bitch!''

''I hurl myself at her with a knife that appears from nowhere, and
suddenly Arden is the one I’m stabbing in the stomach, the two of us
facing one another in med bay with no one else around. He looks shocked.
I’ve cut him and he’s bleeding out, and I stare at him, stunned. “What
are you doing here?”''

''He gasps a reply, “Helping you! Is this how you treat everyone who
helps you? You’re always pushing them away, do you like being alone?”''

''“I’m not alone. I have people!”''

''“And they’re all a Verse away,” he replies with blood pouring down his
front. “Is that the way you want it?”''

''“I… I don’t know.”''

Moving far more slowly than she’d like, Nika jolted awake and tried to
scramble out of the bed. The painkillers were wearing off. Her chest
burned like fire and she was having trouble breathing, panting with
exertion and soaked in sweat. Her braided hair felt like thick rope,
strangling her as it tied itself around her neck, and she flung it
behind her.

The dreams were not a surprised. She’d suffered traumatic nightmares
before, but this? She died on the table. The scar on her chest, as
minimal as Arden tried to make it, told the story of just how close it
was. And all she could think in this one moment was just how desperately
she wanted to go home. The worst part was… she didn’t know where home
was anymore. Home to Nala, who loved her unconditionally? Home to
''Harbinger'', which was just a place… except that it wasn’t? Home to
''Summer’s Gift'', which right now felt more like a prison than a home?

The uncertainty alone tore her apart. Crawling up into the far corner of
her bunk, Nika curled into a tiny ball and buried her face against her
knees, sobbing inconsolably.
<br><br>