CALLING THE BAND OF STEEL!
(Given on the eve of the Band of Steel first mission — to recover a defecting alien scientist.)
CALLING THE BAND OF STEEL! CALLING THE BAND OF STEEL! COME IN BAND OF STEEL!
Yes I know you were just in the lounge watching television, but this is important!
It is good to see you all again! During the long hours I have spent in seclusion I have thought of each and every one of you often. As you know I have been spending my time in what this pathetic excuse for a lair refers to as a "lab". Regrettably, due entirely to the penny pinching perniciousness on the part of our pompous patron (and if you can hear me — and I know you can! — know that the so called "secrets" of your so called "advanced armor" are as NOTHING to the mind of Doctor Steel!) I have been forced to toil in less than optimal circumstances! My lab is little bigger than a broom closet! In fact my lab IS a broom closet! Lesser men might fall before such daunting circumstances, but not Doctor Steel! Such adversity has caused me only to work all the harder, toiling these long hours to bring forth new devices with which to take the battle to the enemy. Allow me to show you my plans! Many are very close to fruition,needing only some last fininshing touches to bring into reality!
Such devices as the polystyrizer, which can safely and relatively painlessly transform the recipient into stretchy, malleable plastic! What is better than a nigh invincible undead soldier you ask? Why a nigh invincible undead soldier made of STRETCHABLE PLASTIC!
Another work of my genius — the MOLECULAR EXPANDER! Now, our friend and comrade Carnivore can look down on his meals before feasting, for I shall be able to expand him to GIANT SIZE! Our foes will QUIVER IN FEAR BEFORE HIM, MUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Or this, this my friends. It appears as an ordinary family van does it not? One in which we can cruise the streets of Star City in safety. But this van, my friends, is no ordinary van, it is the STEELMOBILE, equipped with a hidden force field to protect us from attack! Plus, due to my SHEER GENIUS the vehicle has been built in easily accessible modular pieces which can be disassembled and used for a variety of different devices once we arrive at our destination!
So rejoice my friends! Tomorrow we strike another blow for the freedom of the earth! Together we cannot fail! THE BAND OF STEEL SHALL BE TRIUMPHANT!!!!!
SIGH. Yes, Boneyard, you can go back to watching the History Channel now.
The Collected Speeches
- Welcome Monologue (Given on the occasion of the original jailbreak from the federal facility where Doctor Steel, Madame Shade, Warcry, Boneyard, Noise, and Carnivore were held.)"'
- PEOPLE OF EARTH, UNITE! (Transcript of a pirate broadcast given shortly after the initial prison break of the Band of Steel.)
- CALLING THE BAND OF STEEL! (Given on the eve of the Band of Steel first mission — to recover a defecting alien scientist.)
- Interrupted Transmission (Given on the occasion of the initial breakthrough at the alien base.)
- Unauthorized Broadcast (Given as part of a pirate broadcast following the Band of Steel's first successful mission.)
- Dr. Steel - HUMAN & HUMANE (Given as a discussion when asked about his amazing beyond human level of intelligence.)
- Attention Assorted Criminals... REDEEM YOURSELF! (Given across the comlink on the Blackstone Mag-Lev Prison Transpot.)