Desri-AoS

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My King,

Part of me laughs that i'm writing to a king. And that you might think to accept my word.

My sister Doria and I came to Amber and in the course of 5 years met and defeated the Lord of Chaos who had tormented us since birth. He had even been responsible for our birth so in a way it occurs to me that in the final death of the Dominator, also named Darnuthas rasaka afuras, it severed completely any connection to my past.

My life before Amber was a long one filled with wars, and horrors, and rank pleasures too numerous to name. It gave me madness and hatred. I was enslaved first by the Dominator and then by my sister who I only knew as Lady. To list the grievances i held and the crimes i committed would be the litany of hours.

I was awash in madness and anger, and something akin to hock when my sister and I were suddenly pulled from our realm and brought to Amber. Our wars were done though shadows of them continued to grisly ends.

Coming here i experienced several things immediately. I had a purging of all magical entanglements that had wrapped me in might and fury. There was a moment of clarity after this procedure that i can never explain. You know the details so i shan't go on.

Let it be said, that afterwards, i felt a moment of freedom i had never felt. It was behind me. I even settled my ancient grievances with my sister Doria, who i knew as Lady, and Doretea Senjak. After a long walk in shadow with my grandfather Benedict and my Sister Doria I realized that all debts were paid, all crimes forgotten and to the best as possible, forgiven.

I sat at a table near the front of your hall, the first day of 5226, for the New Year celebrations. At our table sat Prince Benedict, Doria[[1]] and I, our newly discovered sister Yalla[[2]]. With us were Banidoc and Visaly, my step-brothers. I felt part of a family in a way i never had before. I was a whole new woman.

Soon after that i walked the pattern. You instructed me yourself. I transported into shadow and spent a few years doing little more then wander. I indulged in familiar vices to find they did not delight me as they did. I engaged in casual cruelties and gave me no pleasures.

I was offered a job. It came by surprise. I was eating in a restaurant and a harried manager asked if i wanted a job? It seemed the most insane suggestion i had ever been given. Soulcather of the Ten Who Were Taken, The Protector of Taglios, Credence Senjak, Granddaughter of Benedict, being asked to be a waitress in a diner. I laughed in the man's face.

I also worked there for 4 years.

In many ways those four years were the best of my life. Formative even. My past was unknown. I spent time with people who asked few questions. I met men who wanted my fresh body and had no desire for power. I met women who wanted my strength. I made love for pleasure. This was new to me.

I ate and learned to cook. I attended school. Me, a student. I had refused to attend the school you wanted me to when i first arrived in Amber. Filled with anger, spitting vengeance, ready for blood. Now, i was in a 2 year college wearing blue jeans. The universe began to amuse me.

I left that land after 4 years and the woman i was had only the memories of the woman i had been.