"No,I'm not a frigging Hobbit!!!!! "The nattily dressed boggie yelled.
Lop's eyes tried to roll upwards and see the inside of his skull. Not for the first time he thought he really should remember to work in his private office.
"You know how many times i have to tell people that, Lop? Every iron-pot blood-mad sword-swinger from Tosa to Mac's Bar to the gates of Gazad Dun to the friggin' foot of Kolvir thinks the only tiny folks are those furry footed booze hounds. Frakkin' ale barrels with groggily eyes. I'm a frikkin' Boggie and i ain't ashamed of it!"
Lop ignored the fact that Hibbit usually drank more then any hobbit he knew, as well as consuming any form of magical or chemical concoction chemists, alchemists, wizards and spice dealers could supply him. He listened to his disreputable old friend on his familiar old rant. That during the rant he and Hibbit both smoked melange cigars to maintain the blue in blue eyes they both were addicted to he knew was high irony.
"It even worse here in Amber you know."
Looking up from his tankard and his paperwork it was like a horse stopping mid stride. This was a new complaint for the rabid little thief.
He mustered his long years of conversational expertise for the perfect rejoinder, "Eh? huh? ah.. why?"
Hibbit drew his short thin bugsticker knife and flipped it around his hand as he looked at Lop in surprise. His old friend was staring owlbear eyes at him.
"They don't have hobbits here. ok, four or five, but have you seen any wandering around this fairy tale city? They have a few of these Agoliths[] around but those aren't hobbits or boggies either. They are just half sized regular folks.. And the Amberites don't like them much either.[] Can you imagine what hobbits in those shadows must be like? They could wrestle ferrets. hmmm might be good gold in that."
Walking off a bit and tossing the first of his three knife set. Hitting the center, shivering in point, disappearing a fraction of a second before the next knife arrives to take the same spot. Again, again, again, each knife shivers and disappears.
"So if they don't ask if i'm an Agolith, they ask me if i'm a hobbit then they ask if i'm a famous hobbit? Apparently there has been a Frodo Baggins and a Samwise Gamgee and hobbits named Pippin and Merry here before so they ask me if i'm from the Shire? "How are things in Gondor?", "Are you from before the Ring was destroyed of after?", "Do you know Marke of Beleriand, ya know, Fiona's son?" At least on Tosa they had enough Halflings across the land that people would ask if i was a Standback or a Greentree or a Widefoot. Here they ask if i'm Frodo or Bilbo or a damned shaved dwarf. "
Flinging his short sword, when his anger wasn't satisfied by assassin's knives.
Looking up from the a collection of papers Lop sees Hibbit's warblade shivering in the wall as the dart board splits and falls to the ground.
Stepping back, Hibbit clamps his teeth around the red cigar, looking to Lop,
"Ah.. ill get a new dart board...Sorry 'bout that. But this Hobbit crap really pisses me off.. I'm a Boogie! We come from the Stye. My people crossed the Land of the Knee-Walking Turkeys, through Fordor and Folderol, down the east of the Mealy Mounts, across the Paper Mache Mountains to settle the Stye! My family has been hunting the Woods of the Tiny Pigs for ten generations! We have fought in the armies of Gonad against the Roitan and people of the Square Valley Between the Mountains! Our village had a genuine Ballhog skull! My grandfather sailed the Slime River to the Scum Harbor and to all ports on the Bay of Milhous! We've been places! We've killed things! Hell!, Ive eaten a Snickerdoodle after cutting its galumphing head off myself!! You were there!! Where the hell have these hobbits been? Hiding from Big Men? Sneaking around goblin lairs? Ok,one stabbed a Nazgul in the back of the knee, I respect that. But the rest of them are famous mostly for sneaking about!"
Not for the first time, Lop wished he had never adventured in the realm of Gonad where he met Hibbit in a nasty little city off the Anacin River, mugging a Lumbar warrior three times his size and half his speed. Taking wallet, watch and a rusty Glock 9 off him without the Lumbar noticing it was a testament to his skill and his level of inebriation. Considering the tendency of Boggie warriors to get taken out by drunk raccoons, Hibbit seemed like the Zatonic[] of boggies. In retrospect leaving him in his squallid shadow would have been wiser but at the time the group needed a specialist.
Sighing Lop knew he needed to head this rant somewhere safe or at least somewhere else.
"Now Hibbit, You know Amber has a certain draw for Heroes. Hell thats why we are here! If there happens to be a few notable hobbit here you know very well that we brought a huge number of halflings here with CHAD. You've long been accepted as a halfling by the Tosian Halflings. And, not to put too fine a point on it old friend but we have long had the ability to return to the lands of Lower Middle Earth but you never seem to go there.
Taking his tankard and downing the contents, refilling it from the pitcher,he shrugs his shoulders.
"Ya, i know. I know better then to go back now. How you gonna keep a Boggie down in the slime once he's seen New Wall?"
Walking up the stair to his cubicle he tosses the stub of the melange cigar in the hearth.
Lop smiles at his grumpy friend's back as he ascends the stairs. Not for the last time, wishing he hadn't sworn off using violence himself. Some backs cry out for thrown weapons.
"Twas pity that saved him. Pity I had no more bullets" Lop chuckled and leaned back to enjoy his cigar.
Bored of the Rings[]