Quotes from the American God Game Sessions

domcmon From Unknown Game Sessions

• Survivor heheh... That's Ironic -- Jack (commenting on Reality television)

• I'm glad that a Kennedy is preaching self rightiousness. -- Mandy (regarding Jack)

• No... But we may have to fight each other. -- Arthur (regarding preperations for powered people)

1:1 - In God We Trust, Part I

• ...

2:1 - In God We Trust, Part II

• Know, American dog, that I am Ahmed al-Shehhi. -- Ahmed al-Shehhi
  Ahmed? Why do you have a woman's name? -- Brian
  DIE!!!!! -- Ahmed al-Shehhi

• Arthur? It's OK, all the bad guys are dead. You can stop now. Remember me? You're going to cater my party? -- Brian (on Arthur's "securing" of Flight 283)

3:1 - Coming Out Party

• I'm sorry he's going to have to call you back. [hangs up the vid phone] -- Arthur (to President Bush)

• You want to know what we are Dr. Booth? I'll tell you. We're your experiment, that you just lost control of. -- Arthur

4:1 - Meet the Press

• You haven't worked with her for 5 years... -- Brian (regarding Vivian's exentricities)
  Well... Technically neither have you. -- Arthur

• Jesus Arthur!! Just how fast are you?! -- Jack
  Give me a few seconds and my image should catch up with me. -- Arthur

5:1 - The Crash

• The question we have now is what do we want to do...? -- Brian (followed by crickets)

• You know, on any other day this would make me happy. -- Arthur (on seeing Brian run over by a bus)

• Of course I have money, I'm a Kennedy. I think it's against the law for us not to. -- Jack

6:2 - Homecomings, Part I

• You sound like a fax machine. -- Mandy (to Jack at the Survivor Press Conference)

• You guys mentioned Coke and Nike? I'd just like to say, if anyone from Coke or Nike is watching right now? I'm looking for ad contracts? -- Julia Lee (at the Survivor Press Conference)
  [with a sigh] Like I said, we're still very, very human. -- Brian

• Rein in your dog Jack. -- Vernon Marks (referring to Arthur)

7:2 - Homecomings, Part II

• Right now im getting a lot of interferance from the planet earth. I need to account for that somehow. -- Brian

• Why don't we go inside and have a Guiness and you can tell me what the HELL is going on? -- Harold (Arthur's father after witnessing Arthur's power)

• You need to take pride in your abilities, son. -- Hardold Redford
  I'd like to know what they are first. -- Arthur

8:2 - Absolute Power Corrupts

• Steven Hawking? Yeah. Where's he? -- Brian
  [Jack POINTS toward the Earth.] (as Brian and Jack consider how Brian could find a way to return to Earth)

• First we're going to keep you alive, Jack. -- Brian
  ...Good -- Jack

• I'm going to find Steven Hawking's brain... -- Brian

• We're not in Jersey anymore Dad -- Arthur
  God help us. -- Harold

• What's the matter officer... Was I speeding? -- Arthur

• Alright, I gotta get to Arthur. -- Jason
  Well, you're only a hop, skip and a jump away. -- Sammy
  I think more like just a hop. -- Jason

• Aww! I promised him a tune-up... -- Cat (concerning the old jeep truck in Athens, GA)

9:2 - From The Mountain Tops

• You're ears, they're off center -- Beth
  It's okay that'll go away -- Brian
  No... no it won't -- Beth

• Why's she crying? There's no crying in the hunting camp! -- Harold, regarding Beth

• 167 mph? That's kinda slow... -- Jack
  What? Well, like compared to Arthur, maybe... -- Brian
  No... you were going 32 times the speed of light past the moon... -- Jack
  I'm sorry... can you say that again..? -- Brian (when testing Brian's running speed | 32c = 32 times the speed of light )

• Stop!...
  Jumpin' Jack Flash...
  Stop! In the Name of...
  Jumpin' Jack Flash...
  It's a dead man's party..
  and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to... You would cry too if it happened to you, oo-oooo-oo-oo.
  -- Jack (trying to stop Mandy while in astral form, "speaking" through the van sterio)
  • Stop! in The Name of Love by Diana Ross
  • Jumpin' Jack Flash by the Rolling Stones
  • Dead Man's Party by Oingo Boingo
  • It's My Party by Lesley Gore

• Iron Maiden spikes are NOT bacteria ridden! -- Jack (when Mandy wants to douse him with alcohol)

• Waitaminute... Why am I putting out the fire, while MANDY is playing with the truck?!?! -- Jack

• Ok, the singing is getting old, let's try something else... -- Arthur #1
  Marco!! -- Arhtur #2
  Polo!! -- Chorus of 13 Arthurs
  Ok, that got boring quick... -- Arhtur #10
  Okay, I'm thinking of a color.. -- Arthur #7
  BLUE! -- Chorus of 13 Arthurs
  DAMNIT! Ok, I spy with my little eye... -- Arhtur #13
  CORN!! -- Chorus of 13 Arthurs
  (all when lost for 11 hours in the Ware Mt. Corn field maze)

• ...but I can see invisibles... -- Dee
  Its because your lame mortal eyes can't see us... -- Sammy (regarding Arthur and Brian in Arthur's "time lapse")

• If there's anyone who can explain it to her, it's Jack. Out of all of us his brain is most similar to hers. -- Brian (Talking about Beth and her eventual moral crisis in Seattle.)

10:2 - Metropolitans

• She has the power to go blind... -- Brian (regarding Vivian's "powers")
  ...That's helpful. -- Jack

• There's going to be a time and place when we have to shake hands. It'll be public and rude not to. When that happens, watch me like a hawk. You might have to take me down hard. -- Brian (regarding Milos)
  You? Or him? -- Arthur
  Both. -- Brian

• I'm pretty sure he's on the defense. Otherwise he can't run for President. -- Jack (on Milos' involvement with the Reagan trial)

11:3 - America's Most Wanted

• Dad, I love you, I <cough> Guess it is a familiy.. <gasp> Tradition. (dies) -- Jack (dieing on the steps of Lincoln Memmorial)

• Oh no he's stuck in Fuck time. -- Jack (to brian when Aurther is stuck in temporal phase in the Caf)

• Arthur?!! What did you do?! - Brian

12:3 - Play the Game

• With great power comes great ass-reaming. -- Sammy, talking about how our characters are continually screwed.

• I play with a lot of chutes and ladders in real life. -- Mandy, to Beth, on being invited to play a board game.

• I basically told the Vice President to fuck himself up the ass with a monkey's paw. -- Jason, describing Brian's earlier conversation with the Vice President.

• Have you ever played Candy Land? -- Mandy
  There's a land?!? - Beth, in the children's ward of John Hopkins.

• Bored now. - Beth
  I thought you wanted to play Candy Land? - Mandy
  I've moved on. -- Beth, more of the same

• So... Your ruffian days? - Brian
  Yeah. You familiar with the concept of plausible deniability? - Arthur
  Yes... - Brian
  Then do you really want me to answer that question? -- Arthur
  ...No. -- Brian

• Arthur?!! What did you do?!*- Brian

13:3 - The Courts of Public Opinion I

• What happens when you snarf fire? -- Sammy, When Dee botched Mandy's attack roll with her fire breath.

• Arthur?!! What did you do?!*- Brian

14:3 - The Courts of Public Opinion II

• Hummm... I'm starting to feel impulsive. - Jack, left on his own for too long.

• Do you realize that your ass has more computer power than my laptop? - Jack, to Brian, on discovering the chip beneath the tattoo.

• Can you give me a second to catch my astral breath? - Jack, after moving very far, very fast.

• Arthur?!! What did you do?! - Brian

15:3 - Future Tense

• Fifty years and he hasn't matured a bit. -- Brian, regarding Jack

• Don't worry, I have a plan. (turns to Jack) Get us home! -- Brian
  That's your plan?!?! - Jack

• You've got to pick up the ax, because the building's still on fire. -- Mandy, to a very broken Brian

• Arthur?!! What did you do?! - Brian

16:3 - About the Girl

• Arthur, I thought the plan was to get closer to Camelot. I don't know what you're trying to do here, but this... this is 76% deviation... -- Jack, who doesn't quite get it
  Jack, I have no idea what you're talking about. -- Arthur, responding by telling it like it is

• Arthur?!! What did you do?! - Brian (starting to notice a theme here?)

17:3 - Fathers Know Best

• I find it interesting that you're dating Haroun Ahmed Khidir. - Brian
  He's nice. - Joelle
  I know. That's what the Belgian Ambassador's secretary said, what Mitchell Brown's assistant said and what Secretary Hutchinson's chief of staff said. He's nice. He's also dating you because of politics. - Brian
  He likes me. - Joelle
  I'm sure he likes you. You're very likeable. You're also the Director of Humanitarian Issues and Human Rights for the largest policy think tank in the country, while he's the ambassador from the Sudan, which has been spending the better part of a decade trying to convince the world that it's not committing genocide on it's own citizens. It doesn't hurt their case at all if he's seen out with you. - Brian, making a good case, but pretty much losing anyway.
  You're so jealous. - Joelle, telling Brian why he's losing.

• You're so jealous. - Matt, to Brian, later and unprevoked.

• I'm not jealous! - Brian, lying in his own defense.

• So, one of your new friends is a Kennedy? - Joelle
  Yeah. - Brian
  Is he cute? - Joelle
  ...No. - Brian
  Are you just saying that so I won't ask if he's single? - Joelle
  ...Yes. - Brian

• I need to shut the water off for apartment 216. - Jack
  Why? - Mandy
  They're NTAC. - Jack
  But they payed their bill on time. - Mandy

18:3 - Picking up the Pieces

• ...

19:3 - What Goes Around...

• At the race the other day, you did... good. - Brian
  I don't always have to be an asshole. You just go with what works. - Arthur

• Say there's a cake on the table. Do you like Cake? Chocolate cake? - Harley
  Not exactly. - Arthur
  How about pie? - Harley
  Sure, I like pie. - Arthur
  Okay, so there's this pie, right here on the table, and you say you don't want to eat it, but you know that, sooner or later, you're going to eat that pie. Are you pickin' up what I'm puttin' down? - Harley

• Hopewell Foundation, home of the world's best cult. - Vivian answering Brian's phone call following Milos' world-wide remark...

23:4 - Breathe, pt.2

• Marcy... You're fired. - Brian, off to a great start for the day

• I want some bourbon. Do they serve that here? - Detective Mullins
  I figured you could just use what you had in your flask. - Arthur
  touché - Detective Mullins

• Did you vote for him? - Detective Mullins
  I wasn't awake for that election. - Arthur
  Not many people were. - Detective Mullins

• Arthur enters the Hopewell Foundation to find it empty. The game soundtrack, coincidentally, kicks over to O Fortuna.

• I blame Marcy. - Brian, trying to salvage another bad day at the office.

• I love firepoles! - Mikky

• I'm gonna take you out of this world the way you came into it. - ???

24:4 - Chaos Theory

• So... You've got me. Who's got you? - Mandy, being referential when Brian takes her into space.

• You are with Allah? - A random Pakistani rescue operator.
  I'm with Hopewell. - Mandy

• There's other Godlike here? - Monica Amen-Asia, via telepathy
  We prefer the term Survivors. - Mandy, Jack and Arthur, speaking inside their heads

25:4 - Cities Fall

• Did you hear that? - Arthur
  Yes... - Brian
  Did you do that? - Arthur
  No. - Brian

• Who was that in our head? - Arthur
  I don't know, but... - Brian
  She sounded hot. - Arthur and Brian

• Does anyone else think it's unfair that all of the earth's attacks have Area? - Sammy, commenting OOC

• You need any help old man? I think I can take this. - Vibe
  I've got it. Go be useless... err... useful somewhere else. - Arthur

• Brian says to the earth: you gellin'? - Sammy, commenting OOC

• How many lives can you save in six seconds? - Kev
  43 - Dee, both commenting OOC

• Roger on your turning tail and running when there's work to be done. - Jack, to a retreating blackhawk helicopter carrying Milos, Gerald and the No Man's Land CO.

• Praise Allah!! -Pakistani Fireman, upon seeing the debris and vechile hanging motionless just over his head.
• Run now, pray later! and as an afterthought, And not to me!! Arthur

26:5 - Lines in the Sand

• This'll only take a second. - Arthur

• We'll set fire to something and call you. - Jack, to Mandy

• Have fun on your date. - Monica
  It's not a date. I wish it was, but it's more like... doing laundry. - Jack

• I'm sorry; exploding isn't something I'm really comfortable with. - Arthur

• Was I relaxing my molecules violently!?! - Sammy, wondering how Arthur used his explosion power in a previous issue

• Alright. Look for something top secret. - Jack, to Arthur, on breaking into No Man's Land

• Jack, we might have an additional problem. - Arthur
  Oh, good. We need an additional problem. - Jack

27:5 - Down the Rabbit Hole

• May I call you Milos? - Barbara Walters
  Certainly. All of my friends do. Right, Brian? - Milos
  Certainly, Mr. Wiazowski. - Brian

• I think that those with powers that are potentially destructive should have to register with the government, as living weapons of mass destruction, so that the public is aware of what they can do. - Milos
  I agree that it's important people know what we can do. That's why I've always been very open about my powers. But you haven't told us yet, Mr. Wizaowski: what powers do you have? - Brian

• We can carry people out in this crate. - Arthur
  Is it air-tight? - Jack
  Yes. - Arthur
  Then that's a bad idea. - Jack

• Make an Intelligence check. - Kev
  Monkeys like bananas. How dumb do you have to be to not know that monkeys like bananas? - Jason

• So, Brian, how did it feel to embarass our kind? - Milos
  I'd like to think of it as just embarassing you. - Brian

• Grab that file folder. - Jack, in his Astral Form
  What file folder? - Arthur
  The one on that desk that I'm... oh. Pointing to. - Jack

28:5 - On Military Time

• I'm calling backup now. - Arthur, who then lights a flare
  That doesn't count as backup - Arthur 2.0
  Mandy appears in a burst of fire streaming from the flare
  Back up! - Arthur

• This is awesome! I get to play Arthur! *rolls a die* Villain point! - Kev

29:5 - Unclean Getaways

• I wasn't alone. I had myself for company. I found out I'm very poor company. - Sammy, talking about Arthur's experiences last session

• I like it when you do this part. - Zaida
  Me too. - Brian, about to launch everyone off of the moon and back down to earth

• Who's the gimp? - Arthur 2.0, on seeing Jack, temporarily confined to a wheelchair
  Why Arthur, you're looking particularly retarted today. - Jack

• Listen, you know what might happen this afternoon. You know who I expect to show up and what I expect them to try. Why don't you take off, too? - Brian
  I'll go and get us some lunch. - Vivian
  ... Lunch sounds good. - Brian

30:5 - Dead Reckoning

• They can't get us for killing the President. We have an alibi. We were committing high treason at the time. - Mandy

• El Cuchillo does not see anyone, unless he wants to see them. You probably wouldn't understand the way he thinks. - El Cuchillo's secretary
  That's probably a given - Arthur

• Yeah, son! That's what you should call yourself - the American Patriot! - Harold, to Arthur 2.0

• Arthur, rhat's that giant thing attached to the side of your head?
  Oh, this? It's just part of my glasses. - Sammy and Jason, being silly

31:6 - Goodbye Cruel World

• Did you get the meat tray? - Senator McCain
  Meats of the world, yes. My favorite was Finland. - Brian

• It's angry masturbation - Cat, explaining what Brian's family must think he's up to in the bathroom

• He's kind of gotten used to not dying - Sammy, talking about Arthur

• I know this isn't real, because in four years, I wouldn't be Chief of Staff to McCain. I'd be in the damn Congress! - Brian

• Oh, thank God. - Arthur, realizing he hears Jack
  Never thought I'd say that. - Arthur, following up on his comment

• I'm in therapy now. - Mandy
  Yeah? How's that working out for you? - Brian, who knows Mandy's not crazy

• I'm going to Seattle to kick someone's ass, because I'm being screwed with and I'm not happy - Brian
  That's the thing. I couldn't be happier. - Mandy

• Are you Arthur or am I getting mugged? Because if I'm getting mugged, just take it. - Jack, a wee bit drunk

• I may be drunk right now, but... Arthur? Are you looking at me? Arthur? Are you looking at me? Arthur? What did you do? - Jack, drunk but honest

• Dude, I totally boned Bunny last night - Blue Balls
  What!?! - Jack
  Yeah. Dood, don't tell her. - Blue Balls

• I can't be homosexual... I'm a Kennedy. - Jack, who has a point

• Something fucked up is going on, that's for sure. I'm in a frat. - Jack

• Let me give you some perspective. I'm standing in the south tower. I'm standing on floor 162. I'm standing in the room my brother died in. And right now, he's having lunch with my other brother and my dad. - Mandy, explaining why she's happy

32:6 - Remember When

• Well that's a novelty; the plane landed. - Arthur, on touching down in Portland

• Hey Mandy, what size are you? - Jack
  Uh... - Mandy
  Shoes! - Jack, on the phone while at Urban Outfitters

• Beep beep - Brian's lexus, as Brian pushes the remote lock before descending into the woods near rural Mill Creek

• Well. It seems Marks was feeling a little insecure in the old world. - Sammy, observing Marks leaning his elbow on the (normal-sized) Brian's shoulder.

• I didn't roll bad. I don't roll bad. I'm a Kennedy. - Cat, letting his character get into his head

• We'll just have Jack pull out his laptop and... - Arthur
  Why the hell would I have a laptop? - Jack, powerless and in the past

33:6 - Altered States

• I believe we are located in an abandoned subway station in Hong Kong. - Jack
  Why isn't my arm here with us? - Arthur, staying remarkably calm, considering

• She had something wrong with her... up here. - Beth, pointing to her head and referring to Mandy

• ...Or do you want me to call you "Mr. Vice President?" - Kimberly
  What I want is for you to put me down, tell me how to get out of here and how to get back to a normal year. You can call me Ronald McDonald while you do it if it makes you happy. - Brian
  And I'm the fuckin' hamburgler, bitch! - Marks, the man with the gun

• ROBBLE, ROBBLE, ROBBLE!!! Sam, breaking everybody out of character

• Jack, when you're 50 you'll probably look like your father. Ooooh. Sorry. - Brian
  Thanks, now I'm going to have to live with that image. - Jack

• I'm not the pope... Yet. - Brian, well Jason, really

34:6 - A Nice Place to Visit

• Alright, I'll take the 60 on the left. - Arthur, being modest

• Shit! - Kimberly
  Welcome to my world. Didn't you see the signs? - Jack

• It's not like "boom, he's naked. 'Cause that's queer." - Kev

• What can I make of you? - Mongrel
  Salsa. - Arthur, just before he explodes

35:6 - God Smack

• Mister Redford, find Arthur! - Julie
  You won't find him right now; he's exploded. - Jack, failing to be comforting

• Astral blood is just as necessary as real blood. - Jack
  You don't know what you're talking about, do you? - Marks

• This is Horizon Squadron. We have the vice president on our left. He looks good. - Goat Boy, in a strange double-entendre, since Brian was naked

• Jack put on a glove. He's gonna go proctologist on my ass! No pun intended. - Jason, ooc

• Sorry, this is what I'm paid for - Ockham, about to throw down with Jack and Arthur
  Hopewell pays better, and you get to keep your dignity. - Jack, ever the salesman

• I didn't do anything wrong! - Retch
  You're after my daughter. - Arthur, explaining the problem

• Telepathy isn't one of your powers, Brian. You can't read his mind. - Monica
  Watch me. - Brian, mad as hell and pushing past his limits

• Monica, look at what I can do. Nothing can stop me when I'm right. Nothing. And you know I'm right about this. - Brian, making his case

---

The AMERICAN GODS