The Patriot Act For Dummies

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• Title 1, Sec. 106:
  If we're in armed conflict with foreign nations or nationals (no matter who started it, no matter if it's a war) and the President declares a state of emergency, the President can confiscate the funds or property of those foreigners that fall into US jurisdiction (say, in a US bank) and give it to whoever he wants, for them to use however he tells them to.
• Title 2, Sec. 213:
  The government can delay notice of having obtained a search or seizure warrant if they feel that they'd lose significant evidence by not delaying the notice.
• Title 2, Sec. 214:
  The government can't hold a Patriot Act-related investigation against a US "person" ("Citizen," certainly, but you could maybe argue "legal permanent resident," too) if all they have to go on is something protected by the First Amendment.
• Title 2, Sec. 215:
  The government (in the form of the Director of the FBI or his minions) can order libraries or bookstores to tell him what books you've checked out/purchased, provided he gets a warrant first. Also, you can't be told by the library/bookstore that this is going on.
• Title 3, Sec. 311:
  If the Secretary of the Treasury, in consultation with the Attorney General and Secretary of State - but not with a judge) finds that it's reasonable to conclude you're using foreign bank accounts for money laundering, he can order your domestic bank to give him copies of your domestic accounts' transaction histories. The Secretary has to notify the House and Senate within 10 days of doing this.
• Title 3, Sec. 316:
  That shit about the President in Sec. 106? You can contest that, if you can actually get to the US. But the deck's stacked against you, since the court can use whatever evidence it wants, even normally inadmissible stuff.
• Title 3, Sec. 319:
  If your foreign bank has an Interbank account (i.e. a partnership) with a US bank, the President can totally steal your shit, anyway, as per Sec. 106.
• Title 3, Sec. 360:
  If the President decides a foreign country has helped stop terrorism, he can order the directors of the National Bank to support loans to the country or to people/organizations within said country.
• Title 4, Sec. 412:
  The Attorney General (AG) (or his deputy) must take an alien who is convicted of a crime of moral turpitude, relating to controlled substances or an act of terrorism into custody, provided that the crime was committed when the alien was over the age of 18. The AG can hold the alien for up to 6 months, whereupon he must either a) get him out of the US, b) prosecute him for a crime or c) determine that he represents an immediate threat to the US, whereupon he can be held for another 6 months. These prosecutions (or any other legal action taken in relation to this Section) can only occur in the Supreme Court. Also, the AG has to submit a report to the Congress every 6 months with the names, grounds, home countries, etc. of everyone in custody like this.
  • Title 4, Sec. 412 (American Gods version):
    In the world of the American Gods, "declared deceased" alien material is subject to the same rules as living aliens.
• Title 5, Sec. 501-2:
  The AG has a fund that he can use to pay rewards (of not more than $250k each) to combat terrorism, subject to no judicial review or other oversight. Likewise for the Secretary of State, only up to $5 million.
• Title 5, Sec. 507-8:
  The AG or his designee can apply for a warrant to receive any terrorism suspect's US school records.
• Title 8, Sec. 801-2:
  Definitions of terrorism. Nothing surprising, but interesting anyway.

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The AMERICAN GODS