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'''Wednesday, 27 Dec 2519'''<br> | '''Wednesday, 27 Dec 2519'''<br> | ||
'''Kuiper II Class, Summer’s Gift'''<br> | '''Kuiper II Class, Summer’s Gift'''<br> | ||
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*** | *** | ||
| − | I stopped on the threshold, surprised. Christian had been altering the dress and the setting of our visits over the intervening weeks, gradually sliding toward the | + | I stopped on the threshold, surprised. Christian had been altering the dress and the setting of our visits over the intervening weeks, gradually sliding toward the provacative, but even so what I saw made me falter. I'd seen him in short kimonos before--hell, less: his boxers. But the combination of sensuous material, cosmetics, lighting and music packed a solid wallop right in my gut...and lower.<br> |
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''That's a lot of leg he's got.''<br> | ''That's a lot of leg he's got.''<br> | ||
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I shut my mouth with effort and took a steadying breath. ''You'd asked for this. You called the tune. It's time to pay the fiddler.''<br> | I shut my mouth with effort and took a steadying breath. ''You'd asked for this. You called the tune. It's time to pay the fiddler.''<br> | ||
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"Laundry day?" I asked and stepped all the way inside. I closed the door and briefly debated locking it, then did so. Nothing different from all the other visits I'd made here. Just business as usual. <br><br> | "Laundry day?" I asked and stepped all the way inside. I closed the door and briefly debated locking it, then did so. Nothing different from all the other visits I'd made here. Just business as usual. <br><br> | ||
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Knowing I stood rooted to the deck like an idiot, I made myself move, approaching that chair like the gallows. Christian had a few floor pillows at the table and I detoured to one of them, sitting down and leaning over the teapot to inhale the fragrance. <br> | Knowing I stood rooted to the deck like an idiot, I made myself move, approaching that chair like the gallows. Christian had a few floor pillows at the table and I detoured to one of them, sitting down and leaning over the teapot to inhale the fragrance. <br> | ||
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''Peach Mango. My favorite. Figures.''<br> | ''Peach Mango. My favorite. Figures.''<br> | ||
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I sighed. There was no way for me to face this but head-on and I prayed that I wouldn’t botch this too badly.<br> | I sighed. There was no way for me to face this but head-on and I prayed that I wouldn’t botch this too badly.<br> | ||
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“What’s going on?”<br><br> | “What’s going on?”<br><br> | ||
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I took that cup and sipped, tasting the gloss on my tongue. I sipped again to wash it down. The porcelain was eggshell thin, feather-light and delicate. I looked at Christian over the rim, taking in the details. Hair coiffed, face made-up and if I figured right, he’d probably cleansed, exfoliated and moisturized every inch of his body he could get to. Which thought gave my groin another nasty knock and I put the cup down gently, and gathered my thoughts. There was something I needed to verify first.<br> | I took that cup and sipped, tasting the gloss on my tongue. I sipped again to wash it down. The porcelain was eggshell thin, feather-light and delicate. I looked at Christian over the rim, taking in the details. Hair coiffed, face made-up and if I figured right, he’d probably cleansed, exfoliated and moisturized every inch of his body he could get to. Which thought gave my groin another nasty knock and I put the cup down gently, and gathered my thoughts. There was something I needed to verify first.<br> | ||
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“Doesn’t the tea ceremony open a session with a client?”<br><br> | “Doesn’t the tea ceremony open a session with a client?”<br><br> | ||
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''‘When’. Not ‘if’.'' Christian had thought ahead to the day he’d take me to bed, and had taken the appropriate steps for it. Even as the fact sank in, my head latched onto another.<br> | ''‘When’. Not ‘if’.'' Christian had thought ahead to the day he’d take me to bed, and had taken the appropriate steps for it. Even as the fact sank in, my head latched onto another.<br> | ||
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“Who has access to that Registry?”<br><br> | “Who has access to that Registry?”<br><br> | ||
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I took the cup and sipped in turn, dodging the gloss, and considered what he said. Companions were both public and private, available to anyone but exclusive in their clientele. Their appointments were a matter of record, the record guarded by confidentiality and backed by what was inarguably the most powerful guild in the Verse. No one would know I was here, sitting on his floor pillow, sucking down his tea, taking up his time. No one I didn’t want to find me, at least.<br> | I took the cup and sipped in turn, dodging the gloss, and considered what he said. Companions were both public and private, available to anyone but exclusive in their clientele. Their appointments were a matter of record, the record guarded by confidentiality and backed by what was inarguably the most powerful guild in the Verse. No one would know I was here, sitting on his floor pillow, sucking down his tea, taking up his time. No one I didn’t want to find me, at least.<br> | ||
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There was more, however. Money, sex, power—it’s a trifecta found everywhere. In politics, in business, in marriages. Even between two people sipping tea. <br> | There was more, however. Money, sex, power—it’s a trifecta found everywhere. In politics, in business, in marriages. Even between two people sipping tea. <br> | ||
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Did I want to get involved in that? <br> | Did I want to get involved in that? <br> | ||
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When I’d put the question to Christian upon waking up in the hospital, I hadn’t thought of the wider ramifications of his Companion status. I’d seen only a friend and a fellow crewmate with a certain set of skills I needed to overcome a personal block. Callous of me, perhaps, but I had hoped over the intervening weeks that Christian had derived genuine pleasure from our visits, keeping what we did as something between friends. The introduction of money into the equation changed everything. To go further without payment would reduce him to a common whore cheated of her fee. Christian was a professional, a Registered Companion, and deserved recompense for his years of training and sacrifice for his Art. As a friend and crewmate, he deserved more than payment, he deserved respect. No matter what happened tonight, I wouldn’t leave him holding the bag. <br> | When I’d put the question to Christian upon waking up in the hospital, I hadn’t thought of the wider ramifications of his Companion status. I’d seen only a friend and a fellow crewmate with a certain set of skills I needed to overcome a personal block. Callous of me, perhaps, but I had hoped over the intervening weeks that Christian had derived genuine pleasure from our visits, keeping what we did as something between friends. The introduction of money into the equation changed everything. To go further without payment would reduce him to a common whore cheated of her fee. Christian was a professional, a Registered Companion, and deserved recompense for his years of training and sacrifice for his Art. As a friend and crewmate, he deserved more than payment, he deserved respect. No matter what happened tonight, I wouldn’t leave him holding the bag. <br> | ||
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“Fine.” I said, passing him the cup. “As for the rest of it, we’ll work out a schedule and take it out of my shares when the crew gets paid. Fair’s fair.”<br> | “Fine.” I said, passing him the cup. “As for the rest of it, we’ll work out a schedule and take it out of my shares when the crew gets paid. Fair’s fair.”<br> | ||
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Which left only the actual bedding to get through. <br> | Which left only the actual bedding to get through. <br> | ||
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''Leave'', the craven side of me whispered. ''You’ve only had tea. You could probably pay for it out of pocket and get out of here without further….involvement.''<br> | ''Leave'', the craven side of me whispered. ''You’ve only had tea. You could probably pay for it out of pocket and get out of here without further….involvement.''<br> | ||
| − | It was tempting, God, so tempting. But no. The whole point of the exercise was getting me to this point, and going through it. I would never discover what I needed to know if I left now. The mango of the tea mingled with the jasmine in the air, the soft light enhanced the soft music. Everything was soothing, gentle and perfect and in a flash, | + | |
| + | It was tempting, God, so tempting. But no. The whole point of the exercise was getting me to this point, and going through it. I would never discover what I needed to know if I left now. The mango of the tea mingled with the jasmine in the air, the soft light enhanced the soft music. Everything was soothing, gentle and perfect and in a flash, grating. <br> | ||
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''Time for a dose of reality.''<br> | ''Time for a dose of reality.''<br> | ||
| − | “Do me a favor. Turn up the lights, turn off the music, and for God’s sake, take that crap off your face? I like | + | |
| + | “Do me a favor. Turn up the lights, turn off the music, and for God’s sake, take that crap off your face? I like men. Not dolls.” I bit my lip, regretting how it sounded. “Please?”<br><br> | ||
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Relieved at his choice of venue, I joined him on the floor and got the washcloth soaking. I wrung it out and barely blessed it with the soap. ''Not too much. There isn’t a soap made that actually tastes good, no matter how it gets in your mouth.'' I waited til he was done with his hair before getting closer, glad the ribbon was gone—it spared me asking him to take it out, though the possibility of combing his hair smooth did have a sensuous appeal. Mike kept his habitually short. Christian’s was longer, practically a mane, and given his penchant for the voluptuous I knew running my fingers through it would be pleasant.<br> | Relieved at his choice of venue, I joined him on the floor and got the washcloth soaking. I wrung it out and barely blessed it with the soap. ''Not too much. There isn’t a soap made that actually tastes good, no matter how it gets in your mouth.'' I waited til he was done with his hair before getting closer, glad the ribbon was gone—it spared me asking him to take it out, though the possibility of combing his hair smooth did have a sensuous appeal. Mike kept his habitually short. Christian’s was longer, practically a mane, and given his penchant for the voluptuous I knew running my fingers through it would be pleasant.<br> | ||
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I didn’t think too deeply on that as I wrapped the cloth around my fingers and put it gently to his forehead. <br> | I didn’t think too deeply on that as I wrapped the cloth around my fingers and put it gently to his forehead. <br> | ||
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''Start at the top. Work your way down. Stroke, don’t grind.''<br><br> | ''Start at the top. Work your way down. Stroke, don’t grind.''<br><br> | ||
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The cloth came away stained and it took several passes with it before I got the cosmetics off him. His lips I saved for last, tracing the line the pencil made, daubing and wiping as lightly as would still get the job done. I finished by stroking the curve of his chin.<br> | The cloth came away stained and it took several passes with it before I got the cosmetics off him. His lips I saved for last, tracing the line the pencil made, daubing and wiping as lightly as would still get the job done. I finished by stroking the curve of his chin.<br> | ||
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“There.” I tapped his nose like a five-year-old getting washed by his mother. What could I say? That perfect nose just taunted me to do it. “Done.”<br><br> | “There.” I tapped his nose like a five-year-old getting washed by his mother. What could I say? That perfect nose just taunted me to do it. “Done.”<br><br> | ||
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He was too fast. I had no warning. His kiss galvanized, paralyzing me in place even as my head turned off and my insides began to jump. I sucked in a breath, and then another, and my brain got to working again.<br> | He was too fast. I had no warning. His kiss galvanized, paralyzing me in place even as my head turned off and my insides began to jump. I sucked in a breath, and then another, and my brain got to working again.<br> | ||
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"Um...Yes."<br> | "Um...Yes."<br> | ||
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The edge of the low table was digging into my side as I leaned back, and I straightened, determined not to give the wrong impression.<br><br> | The edge of the low table was digging into my side as I leaned back, and I straightened, determined not to give the wrong impression.<br><br> | ||
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And there it was. Now or never.<br> | And there it was. Now or never.<br> | ||
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''I can always take a step back,'' I'd said to Harry once. ''I trust Christian to give me the space to do that.''<br> | ''I can always take a step back,'' I'd said to Harry once. ''I trust Christian to give me the space to do that.''<br> | ||
| − | But to take that step back I first had to go forward. Pulse pounding in my neck, my skin aching to be touched, I swallowed and did as he asked. | + | |
| + | But to take that step back I first had to go forward. Pulse pounding in my neck, my skin aching to be touched, I swallowed and did as he asked.<br> | ||
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''I will never hurt you'', he said.<br> | ''I will never hurt you'', he said.<br> | ||
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"Good. That makes at least one of us."<br> | "Good. That makes at least one of us."<br> | ||
| − | I took my hand back and sank it into his hair, claimed his face with my other hand and kissed him. I pushed off the floor and felt his arms grab me before we both fell over, even as I kissed him again, running my tongue along the path the | + | |
| + | I took my hand back and sank it into his hair, claimed his face with my other hand and kissed him. I pushed off the floor and felt his arms grab me before we both fell over, even as I kissed him again, running my tongue along the path the wshcloth had taken, the warmth of his flesh taking the edge off the chill I felt inside.<br> | ||
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''Even glaciers melt'', I'd said to Harry. Either they trickle to nothing or they calve.<br> | ''Even glaciers melt'', I'd said to Harry. Either they trickle to nothing or they calve.<br> | ||
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Explosively.<br><br> | Explosively.<br><br> | ||
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I'd cut loose on Christian to keep my nerve from failing, plowing head on without a thought of pain or injury, death or dying. It was how I faced danger--full speed ahead. And right now, I was up past my neck in dangerous and as his mouth opened to me, I didn't give a good Goddamn if I drowned in it. His silk kimono lingered under my palms long enough for me to get a grip on it and pull it aside and I let my mouth roam over the skin I'd exposed, breathing in the scent of him, relishing the warmth on my lips, vaguely aware that his hands were busy pulling my shirt free.<br> | I'd cut loose on Christian to keep my nerve from failing, plowing head on without a thought of pain or injury, death or dying. It was how I faced danger--full speed ahead. And right now, I was up past my neck in dangerous and as his mouth opened to me, I didn't give a good Goddamn if I drowned in it. His silk kimono lingered under my palms long enough for me to get a grip on it and pull it aside and I let my mouth roam over the skin I'd exposed, breathing in the scent of him, relishing the warmth on my lips, vaguely aware that his hands were busy pulling my shirt free.<br> | ||
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His mouth found mine and the kiss he gave me was deep, probing, rousing and I growled and fought to surpass it. It had been over a year since I'd last done this and like an old familiar pain, it had simply stopped registering...until something came along to give a good sharp whack. That's when you'd do anything to put it to rights again. When he turned the tables and put me on my back, I didn't resist. I'd already made up my mind--what still remained of it--and wanted the release I knew he'd give me.<br> | His mouth found mine and the kiss he gave me was deep, probing, rousing and I growled and fought to surpass it. It had been over a year since I'd last done this and like an old familiar pain, it had simply stopped registering...until something came along to give a good sharp whack. That's when you'd do anything to put it to rights again. When he turned the tables and put me on my back, I didn't resist. I'd already made up my mind--what still remained of it--and wanted the release I knew he'd give me.<br> | ||
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"Don't jump the gun, Christian. We'll deal with the engine room later. Take care of what's in front of you first. "<br><br> | "Don't jump the gun, Christian. We'll deal with the engine room later. Take care of what's in front of you first. "<br><br> | ||
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| − | The lassitude from lovemaking had me in its grip and I resisted giving in to it. It always amused Mike that I'd usually drift off first, against stereotype, and I'd come to with his hands running through my hair and a wry grin on his lips. Lifting my head from Christian's chest, I saw his smile, small and contented and pleased, his eyes closed. | + | The lassitude from lovemaking had me in its grip and I resisted giving in to it. It always amused Mike that I'd usually drift off first, against stereotype, and I'd come to with his hands running through my hair and a wry grin on his lips. Lifting my head from Christian's chest, I saw his smile, small and contented and pleased, his eyes closed. Satisfied male, his expression said, and I paused, unsure of what to make of that. I closed my eyes and lay still, listening to the atmo hissing through the vents, the beat of Christian's heart, the soft sound of his breathing.<br> |
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I'd known Mike now for ten years, and in all that time, he'd been the only one I'd trusted with my body and my heart. For ten years, I'd been celibate when Mike was absent and for a decade, I'd been perfectly fine with that arrangement. I’d never crossed the line of infidelity and yet, here I was.<br> | I'd known Mike now for ten years, and in all that time, he'd been the only one I'd trusted with my body and my heart. For ten years, I'd been celibate when Mike was absent and for a decade, I'd been perfectly fine with that arrangement. I’d never crossed the line of infidelity and yet, here I was.<br> | ||
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Where did that put Christian? What did that make me? How could I justify what we'd just done? Had I betrayed Mike? Ruined everything? I asked the Universe the question and waited for it to respond.<br> | Where did that put Christian? What did that make me? How could I justify what we'd just done? Had I betrayed Mike? Ruined everything? I asked the Universe the question and waited for it to respond.<br> | ||
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''No,'' it said, and I nearly wept from it.<br> | ''No,'' it said, and I nearly wept from it.<br> | ||
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Mike still held my heart, I was still committed to him. I knew now that I had been and always will be. Not from fear of other men or sex or the uncertain future, but because for whatever reason, I’d chosen him and he'd chosen me and the Universe or Karma or God made it so. Sleeping once with Christian wouldn't change that, nor would sleeping with him in every compartment on the ship. I wasn't committed to Christian by having sex with him any more than giving him that tea set made me engaged to him.<br> | Mike still held my heart, I was still committed to him. I knew now that I had been and always will be. Not from fear of other men or sex or the uncertain future, but because for whatever reason, I’d chosen him and he'd chosen me and the Universe or Karma or God made it so. Sleeping once with Christian wouldn't change that, nor would sleeping with him in every compartment on the ship. I wasn't committed to Christian by having sex with him any more than giving him that tea set made me engaged to him.<br> | ||
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I'd asked the question, risked discovering it, and received my answer.<br><br> | I'd asked the question, risked discovering it, and received my answer.<br><br> | ||
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I suppressed a snort, even as I appreciated the wisdom of his comment.<br> | I suppressed a snort, even as I appreciated the wisdom of his comment.<br> | ||
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"Are you always this annoyingly omniscient after fucking your clients blind?"<br><br> | "Are you always this annoyingly omniscient after fucking your clients blind?"<br><br> | ||
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I laughed, deep and throaty and content.<br> | I laughed, deep and throaty and content.<br> | ||
| − | "Some things, Christian, you don't need your eyes for." And closing mine, I pulled him to me and proved just that. | + | |
| − | <br><br> | + | "Some things, Christian, you don't need your eyes for." And closing mine, I pulled him to me and proved just that.<br><br> |
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