Forgotten Freedom:30
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(Sa'vor stood on deck gazing over the edge, his black robes fluttering around him, occasionaly revealing the armour beneath. Sa'vor raised a hand as they flew over a small village, he flet the arcane words flow from him and the extasy of power flowed through his viens. the old pyromania was returning, Sa'vor embraced the magical flame and unleashed it into one pure blast. A church of the silver flame went up in flames, the flames hungered from material to eat. they flowed across the wooden timbers and holy symbols. they eat the poor mortals inside, devouring thier material forms. Sa'vor guided the flame as it eat away at the other houses and buildings, its toungs lashed at fleeing villagers immolating them. tearing at buildings. devouring grain stores. shearing towers in half. Sa'vor reveled the flames, feeling thier warmth spread through him. in minuets all that was left was ashes. Sa'vor let go of the feeling. he shouldnt give in to the pyromania. but all his life he'd felt the flames within him. he'd embraced it when Naz'roth had been in his mind, Naz'roth had let him revel in the flames, watch them dance over human flesh, disintergrate gobliniods, immolate elves and dwarves. tear at warforged. War was for Sa'vor, he knew it in his blood, The last war had been his release from the world. he hadnt wanted to return. but he'd lived. now he was stuck with the feeling that he shouldn't be here, that he'd been let live for his purpose. the gods had somthing planned for him.)
Naz'roth: You still hunger for battle dont you old friend?
Sa'vor: Yes, everytime i've slept since we fought Volrath i've had nightmares and dreams of the last war.
Naz'roth: you long for flame dont you?
Sa'vor: yes... it started at the same time, i long to unleash its burning powers again and again. now i feel the longing for the other elements as well, to unleash waves of burning acids and alkalinesl. to rain down lightning. to freeze people solid. to crush people with bursts of sound. to shatter bones with force.to rend peoples souls with negative energy. to melt undead with positive energy. to roar out the words of darkspeak again
Naz'roth: Its your curse young one, your born for war. and you now live in a time of peace. you'll have to find another outlet for this power.
Sa'vor: creating and forgeing was my outlet, now that only sates the desire a small portion
Naz'roth: perhaps you sould take a trip to the eternal battle fields?
Sa'vor: no, i cant, not now. the empire is far more important at the moment.
Naz'roth: How about those villagers? where they a way to release this desire of yours?
Sa'vor: yes and this futhers my cause. this will probaly make thrane build another of thier fleets to destroy us.
Naz'roth: if you let this desire for destruction take you then you'll be no use to anyone. flex your iron will. crush it, bottle it up. unleash it when you need it most.
Sa'vor: i'll try.
(In the shadows Volrath smiled, at last he'd found it, the trigger. the way to control Sa'vor. his weakness, perhaps he had others. Volrath vanished into the shadows smiling evily. he turned. and on a crate stood Void. the Ravens black eyes twinkled with amusement)
Void: *CAW* look what i have here, little spies, all sneaky and deciteful
(Sa'vor turned)
Sa'vor: hello Volrath, looks like you learned one of my secrets. this cant happen, im afraid im going to have to erase it form your memory. that or kill you.
Volrath: you cant get close enough to me to try!
(Raises a hand and unleashes a huge storm of lightning bolts, Sa'vor just stood there and embraced thier elemetal might. then sa'vor seemed to glow with an etheral light, his eyes seemed distant, he raised his hand to the clouds overhead. Volrath shuddered, he was riding the storm. nobody had been crazy enough to do this in a long time. from the clouds a bolt of elemental fire struck down from the heavens, followed by bolts of lightning. each hammered against Volraths shield. a bolt of sound hammered down from the heavens shattering Volraths shield. Sa'vors eyes reassumed their focus, and unleashed a bolt of negative energy. Volrath fell to his knees, energy crackling across form. Sa'vor placed a hand on Volraths head. and all whent black)
Volrath is frolicing through the halls completely blissful.
Aerith is skipping along the same hallway
Volrath : Hello (gives her a big hug.) Sorry about what happened. I really never ment to hurt you.
Aerith : Oh thats okay none of the aberrations could touch me. I also made sure that Kithle's plans for a mindflayer empire have been delayed long enough for our prophecy.
Volrath : Good, but I was talking about the aberrations. I was talking about, you know before.
Aerith : I just met you when I boarded the Forgotten Freedom. All that we ever did was find out we were bother members of the "Order of the Prophecy".
Volrath : Good you don't remember from before. That's a load off my mind. Also can you bring Lisa back I mean you and Cool Cthulhu are never coming back, but Lisa did soemthing I can not forgive.
Aerith : Fine, I'll send her back but you have to put Pholly back to normal.
Volrath : Fine, but if the need comes he's going back to this (waves hand at Pholly in aberration state.
Aerith vanishes and Volrath cluches his head as it throbs, for reasons he doesn't remeber.
Terra enters Sa'vor cell, looking rather serious.
Terra: Hey, Sa'vor, I need to talk to you. Privately.
Sa'vor nods his head, then leads her into on of his hidden pocket dimensions.
Sa'vor: What's so improtant?
Terra: Before I start, you're absolutely sure no one can listen in?
Sa'vor: (scans the area) Well, I can guarantee that no one is listening now.
Terra: It'll have to do, time is short. Know this, what I'm about to tell you, only Not-Walter and I really know. Believe me, if I didn't absolutely require your help, I wouldn't even be telling you.
Sa'vor: ...very well, I won't say a word.
Terra: Thank you...
Volrath is standing before a wispy image of Hastur, in his King in Yellow form.
Hastur : You still have not freed he. I am looking into of forms of help.
Volrath : Well your byakhees didn't exactly show up!
Hastur grumbles and disappears.
Jarlot is interviewing a skeletal pasty elf.
Jarlot: So what would you bring to the crew, Nalfein is it? I’ve never been good with elf names.
Nalfein: Yes it is. I am very good with handling, caring for, and identifying magic items. Also I have no conscience. I killed it awhile ago.
Jarlot: Alright, go to Kanatash. Just realize I don’t trust you as far as I can throw you.
Awhile later Nalfein is walking on the deck.
Nalfein: My head hurts.
He sees Volrath drinking a violate green liquid.
Nalfien: Oh, oh no.
Volrath looks up.
Volrath: Hey, don't I know you from somewhere? Oh yeah! We shared a room at Sigil Prep. You were a nerd.
Nalfien: And you were the weird kid who sat gibbering in the corner, yet passed first in all classes. You also had some really weird porn. What do you do here?
Volrath: I’m the librarian of this ship.
Nalfien: Those poor people, (shudders) you’re filing system...
Volrath: It isn’t so bad; most of them don’t read; now just hand over all your books to be categorized.
Nalfien: No! I remember what you did to my books last time.
Volrath: Those things in the margins weren’t so bad.
Nalfien: They drove me insane for three weeks!!! I failed the semester because of it!
Volrath: Yeah, but that chick at the party really dug you.
Nalfien: I don’t even remember her.
Volrath: To bad about what you did to her.
Nalfien: What did I do?
Volrath: I don’t think she’ll ever be the same...
Some time after the aberration battle…
Kithle: Time to make use of this floating pile of eyes.
Kithle uses his great psychic powers to move the dead beholder. On the way to his lab he bumbs into Igor, who is still scrubbing some slime off the walls.
Kithle: Excuse me. Mad genius coming through.
Igor politely shuffles to the side.
Igor: If I may athk, thir, what do you plan to do with thith?
Kithle: Oh, just make use of its main features….
Igor nods.
Igor: Mathter ir'Wanabe altho had the idea to graft beholder eyeth onto hith body. Thhame about that cathe of pink-eye. Do you intend to graft directly, thir, or will you be taking thampleth and growing your own?
Kithle: You seem to know quite a lot about the subject.
Igor: It'th not for nothing that people believe all mad thientithtth have an athithtant named Igor. I remember Mathter Mordain…
Kithle: Mordain the Fleshweaver. Yes, I can see it in your mind. It was back in his early years…
Igor:…when he did thome of hith betht work. And then there wath Mathter Othalak…
Kithle: A daelkyr? You were actually employed by one of those things. Back during the…the invasion of Dhakaan! Okay. If you've worked for people like that I don't see the harm in having an assistant. It's not like you're going to see anything incriminating.
Igor follows Kithle into his lab. There are the usuall tables of chemicals, the various storage cylinders, the racks of pointy metal objects. However everything is packed up neatly and is spotlessly clean.
Igor: You have good tathte in equipment, thir. But I mutht thay, it lacth the look of horror. Master ir'Wanabe could never find the time to clean up after an experiment gone wrong. Adventurerth uthed to comment on it.
Kithle: You can never be too careful around this ship.
As if to punctuate what he is saying, there is the sound of Pholly blowing making a mistake.
Igor seems to know just what to do. He picks up a tray of tools with only a cursory glance, then prepares a couple of tables to work on.
Igor: Do you withh the eyeth to be freth, or pickled?
Kithle: I want to get this done before anything else comes up, so just get them out. I'll be doing most of the real work once that's done.
Just then Kantash floats down fromt the ceiling.
Igor: And how are you today, thir? Any more problemth with the cloneth?
Kantash is as unreadable as ever.
Kantash: I need to probe your brain. Captains orders.
Igor nods.
Igor: Will it be takthing? I wath jutht about to work on thith beholder for thir Kithle here.
Kantash: I've got powers beyond your comprehension. I can do this in my sleep. If I slept, that is.
Igor turns back to his task.
Igor: That's what Mathter Nath'goth said, right before he wath imporithoned. And then there wath Mithtreth d'Vol…
Kantash: Quite a life there, Igor. I've definitely got to get inside your head.
And so Kantash starts his process. Down, down, down through the layers of memory. He flys past short scenes of villains getting their butts kicked, interspirsed with the experiements of mad people and Igor doing housework. But as the henchman's life rewinds before Kantash, it gets to be less and less, until there is only a string of names, and the end of which is…
Kantash: Khyber.
Kithle (who'd also been looking): Khyber.
Igor watches their expressions of surprise with the understanding that comes from having this done to him more than once.
Igor: Yeth. There wath that tiff with thir Thiberyth. And they theemed like thuth a nithe couple.
Sa'vor: That's quite a story. I can see why you two are so cautious...
Terra: Exactly. Timing is crucial. As soon as you find one, let me know. I'll begin preparing what I can in the mean time.
Sa'vor: One last question. If this is so dangerous, why did you draw such attention to yourself?
Terra: I need one that is at least mid level. With what I showed, they'll be quite eager to find out more...
Sa'vor: Most interesting...an you seriously think you can pull this off?
Terra: They know as much about what goes on in my head as you did. I'd say I have a fairly good chance.
Nalfien is walking down a hall-way talking to himself.
Nalfien: Man, I was hopeing that there would be at least ONE vampire on this ship...
He hears a redshirt screem, so he runs to the source and sees Sa'vor drinking his blood.
Sa'vor: Ah, much better.
Nalfien: SWEET!!!
Nalfien then jumps and grapples onto Sa'vors arm.
Nalfien: PLEASE MAKE ME INTO A VAMPIRE!!!
Sa'vor: What, no, get off me!
Sa'vor starts walking down the hall dragging Nalfien, who is clinging to his arm.
Nalfien: PLEASE!!!
Sa'vor: NO DAMMIT, GET OFF!!!
Sa'vor then picks Nalfien up and throws him down the hall and though a few walls landing Nalfien in his room.
Nalfien: .
Then Nalfien passes out from the impact from the landing.
Sa'vor: Freak.
Ketler: Ummm...chief...this is insane.
Jarlot: New Rule: THE CAPTAIN IS NOT CRAZY AGAIN.
Ketler: Can you stop talking in rules?
Jarlot: New Rule: Cannot question the Captain making up rules.
Ketler: Oh this is ridiculous.
Jarlot: New rule. The Captain is infalliable.
Ketler: I really shouldn't have helped you do this....
Andrea: Uhhh...what is the Captain doing?
Ketler: Oh, he had me build him some trans-dimensional engines for the ship. He's going to use the sheer volume of people killed onboard this ship as psychic fuel for piercing the barrier to the Dream Dimension.
Andrea: For the Love of the Dark Six...WHY?
Ketler: Well here's his logic....he wants Aerith right?
Andrea: For reasons unfathomable to me except for "men are stupid" yes.
Ketler: Aerith is good, right?
Andrea: In its purest nightmarish form. Yes.
Ketler: Well, killing evil is good right?
Andrea: This line of conversation always leads to suffering.
Ketler: Well she ALSO likes disgusting Cthuhoid horrors.
Andrea: Who doesn't?
Ketler: Well, the Captain thinks that by piercing the barrier to the Dreaming Dark's dimension and flooding the universe with them, he can then kill them and win her back.
Andrea: And whyever she dumped him...well at least you didn't go along with it right?
Ketler: Uhhhh....
Andrea: You DIDN'T.
Ketler: Uhhh...
Andrea: YOU DID.
Ketler: It was technology....from XEN'DRICK! I'M ONLY HUMAN!
Andrea: Half-Gnome.
Ketler: Don't tell people that!
(Jarlot pushed then the WARP button)
(Everyone then saw themselves in a crystaline, astral dimension)
Ketler: Now we're in a dimension of our dreams and worst nightmares....this will not end well.
Andrea: We can always go back...
(Engine sputters)
Ketler: And the dimensional barriers are also weakened by our flight path...
"Get out of my way, you failure of an artificer." Allen says, pushing Ketler away from the broken down engines. "It's obvious that you made a mistake right here, in creating this out of lithium instead of dreamanium. It's a little known material though, that only exists in rare places outside of the Dream dimension. It's a good thing I had some of the other crew members pick some up for me on some of their trips here, or else we would be up a creek filled with unmentionable horrors without a paddle. Now just give me a few hours, and we'll be back to Prime." Allen then went about his business fixing the engines.
Ketler: Ok, don't panic, just stay calm and this will turn out alright.
Sa'vor(walking up from below deck) What is going on now?
Ketler: Um...well...you see...
(A pseudonatural parakeet flaps by)
Sa'vor: I don't believe it... you didn't....
Ketler: Um, heh.
(A pair of mindbolds jump onto the deck, dressed in black body suits and wielding ninja-to)
Mindbold 1: Finaly, the dimension has been weakend. Now, we can use this ship to get to the material plane, and finaly be out of this forsaken plane!
Jarlot: Allen?
Allen: Yes?
(Pulls out a lightning gun and shoots the engines)
Jarlot: We're not leaving this dimension until I bag me some Dream Dimensional evils and thus prove myself to my lady love!
Andrea: She doesn't even like you!
Kanatash: I'm afraid this situation is a tad severe. The Captain's gone crazy again.
Andrea: GAWDSDAMN YOU KANATASH!
Kanatash: I can assure you that on this occasion that this is absolutely nothing to do with me. I promised that after my previous efforts in warping the fragile balance between sanity and insanity that he progressed before that I'd never do it again.
Andrea: ....
Kanatash: Alright fine, I never do repeat work. No sense of art to it.
Andrea: Then who?
Kanatash: The Dreaming Dark of course. They have no doubt lured Captain Jarlot here with images of the Flower Shop girl and thus manipulated him directly into their plans.
V and Ketler in unison: Jaela....Jaela....
(A giant floating image of her hovered above)
Andrea: So he's going to be obsessive the entire time and just slightly worse than Captain Ahab?
Kanatash: Not at all. In the dreamlands he'll be much much much much worse than Captain Ahab crossed with Captain Bligh and a little Mutiny on the bounty with less buggery.
(Jarlot blows a hunting horn as he moves around a giant ballista while waving a harpoon)
Andrea: I swear, this is why I rely on my stunning bossom and mind control for my men.
- Flash! Allen setting up to repair Ketler's engines.
- Flash! Norbaz trying to calm a twelve alarm chili that he was trying to store before the ship dimension hopped but is now free.
- Flash! Michael pining over how he never got to have his way with or corrupt lisa.
- Flash! Silence in the cargo hold trying to figure out why her latest summoning attempt just failed and a nexus of pure un-reality is swirling before her.
- Flash! The last Ninja Jaela trying to figure out if she has some "clone disease" due to her rapid age jump of five years as the entire ship shifted to the dream world.
- Flash! A returned to normal Pholly walking with a shiny new alchemist fire in a flask as Phollie rounds the corner facing him with a new flask of acid in tow, both having their full attention upon their flasks, blind to the world around them. They are on a collision course.
- Flash! The Paladin Lisa, standing before Pointiff Jaela, speaker of the flame, as it is being decided that she return to the Forgotten Freedom. Lisa stands before the leader of her faith in chains, wailing crys of mercy. Pointiff Jaela casts Wish with the intent of sending Lisa to the forgotten freedom.
- Flash! Murdain is eating a banana on deck, finishes, and throws it over his shoulder so he can go look at the pretty pretty shinies now around the ship.
Now for the series of unfortunate events.
Lisa appears ten feet above Silence, and falls upon her as is quickly consulting a book on how to seal this nexus of un-reality, only to cause a mess up that prompts the nexus to launch a series of reality rending tendrils about the room, removing the floor boards beneath Pholly and Phollie two floors above. The tilted boards sends Phollie on deck and Pholly to the kitchen, tripping into the chilli and dropping an Alchemist fire, causing it to catch flame. On deck, Phollie slips on the banana peel and throws his acid into the air. Ninja Jeala is adjusting her now improperly fitting leather armor/ninja suit, as the acid lands upon her shoulder, burning both her and enough of her armor for one side of the upper torso and the clothing beneath it to give way, just as Michael walks up from below deck. He immidiately sees the partially explosed and legal Ninja Jaela and runs towards her, only to trip on the hole that Phollie first arried on deck through, shattering a Michael sized hole in the deck with his armor as a ribbon of Un-Reality cuts through the mast, Michael crashes down, through several decks weakend by beams and tendrils of Un-reality, through the galley and into the engine room. The now aflame chilli construct roars in pain and escapes down the michael shaped hole and into the engine room, falling upon the dimensional engines, and --the newly brought in amount of Dreamanium.
Chalky: Oh for crying out loud we did this already, wake me up when we get back.
Kithle: While we're here... (evil look) Satnak grab a rope and tie it to the bow. Tow us towards the strongest quori signatures you can sense. Igor thanks for that tip on tattoeing the eyes instead of a direct graft or growth, could you grab roosevelt and any redshirts with useful skills to repair the damage caused by that string of humurous events, grab a healer too. Terra you might want to supervise. Sa'vor your cover fire for Satnak watch her back blast anything that gets tto close unless she says otherwise.
Mindbolds: Hey we're invading over here!
Kithle: Death paper, Earl
Death Paper: Schnik Schnik
Earl: Suck ice
Mindbold 1: My clavin!
Mindbold 2: My balls
Mindbolds: hurk
Kithle: Kanatash take death paper to handle any lesser threats that get on the ship would you. Terra once you get that fiasco cleared grab the guys from the hold and get them working with kanatash. ... Volrath don't even think about it i can reach right through the hull of this ship to get you if i have to. I know your plotting something with the qouri here, give it up, bringing us here was a mistake for them. Most creatures would want away from satnak and her arm. This means they either underestimate it or think they have a counter. Either way they are screwed. I really hate to remove your spine twice in a row, so if you don't cool it i will turn your rabbit into a rat.
Ketler: Oh yeah, and one more problem....
Andrea: Yes?
Ketler: The Captain screamed about the space whales and flew off after him....I think he was last scene swimming towards....err..elsewhere....
Andrea: And this is a problem why?
Ketler: He's got the keys...
In the City of Eternal Shadow made of the very essence of Dream stuff
The Captain is carted off in chains towards the Maw of the Dreaming Dark
Jarlot: My name is Jarlot and I am a slave. As far as I can tell, the year is 4 After the Day of Mourning and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a normal life, once.
Jarlot: [now in a flashback to Sharn] Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart!
Jarlot: [back to monologue] I had a beautiful girlfriend named Aerith. We decided to spend a weekend at an abandoned cabin in the woods. While there we found a book, Necronomiconexmortis, roughly translated, the Book of the Dead. Inked in human blood and bound in human flesh it was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something in the woods, something evil.
[something comes through the window of the cabin and Aerith screams]
Jarlot: It took Aerith. Then it came after me, it got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist.
[Jarlot is seen cutting off his hand]
Jarlot: But that didn't stop it, it came back for more.
Jarlot: [Jarlot gets pulled into the vortex holding onto the plane of dreams] For God's sake how do you stop it?
[Back to Jarlot in Chains]
[Ash is also in Chains behind him]
Ash: What the hell? That's MY STORY!
Jarlot: I didn't see YOU using it.
[In front of Jarlot we see Slip]
Slip: I don't know how I constantly get dragged into this.
Jarlot: It's easy, you're secretly in love with me and hate the fact I'm in love with another woman.
Slip: ...I beg your pardon?
Jarlot: No sane woman would be in your position otherwise.
Ash: He's got a point. Women are funny like that. First they want to kill you, then they want to kiss you.
Jarlot: Sometimes both. Okay, we're in a city of approximately I'd say....3 million Quori plus their enslaved soul minions. They have a horde of dream servants and fairly unlimited control over their environment plus they serve the living embodiment of evil itself we're going to be fed to. What's the plan?
Ash: Plan? Hell no! We don't need no stinking plan! Plans are for sissies, What we need is a gawdsdamned chainsaw!
Slip: Which is good because we're in the plane of dreams and can just think one up.
[Ash and Jarlot pause in line]
Seconds later
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
KABLAM KABLAM KABLAM KABLAM
Jarlot wielding two assault rifles simultaneously
Ash screamingly chopping tentacles left and right with his chainsaw
Slip...stepping quietly out of the way
Evil Jarlot: You'll never retrieve the Necronomicon! You'll die before ya get it!
Jarlot: Hey! What's that you got on your face?
Evil Jarlot: Huh?
[Jarlot shoots his dream double in the face with explosive crossbow +5]
Slip: Why are we supposed to be going after the Necromonicron?
Jarlot: Oh HELL if I know. I'm making this up as I go along!
Ash: It's probably their secret weakness.
Slip: I doubt they would be so stupid to mention causally their weakness.
Jarlot: They brought US here after all and our minds are such vacant masses of distilled pop culture and lack of sense that we're probably unstoppable here
Drives an ax into a Quori and starts taunting it
Ash: Don't taunt the Tentacled horror.
Jarlot: Why is that bad?
Ash: No, just tacky.
Quori Elder: Our plan may need...some adjustment.
Supreme Quori: Prepare....the Endgame.
Quori Elder: ....one of these days we're going to need some non-cliche dialogue.
[The Tarrasque steps on Jarlot]
Slip: Oh my God! JARLOT! I never got to tell you how I feel!
Jarlot: I'm all right!
Slithers out from underneath the Tarrasque completely flat and starts pumping himself up with hot air
Slip: What...the...hell.
Jarlot: What? Can't you do this on the plane of dreams?
Slip: No....
Jarlot: Good thing I didn't know. Taking that one out is going to be a chore.
Ash: They've got reinforcements coming!
[Chuck Norris, Batman, Godzilla, Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White, Cloud, Sephiroth, Kurt Russel, Monty Python and the Holy Grail's black knight, Elminster, Lo Pan, Superman, every single Power Ranger, Bill S Preston, Theodore Logan, Scruff Magruff, Hulk Hogan, Shaquille O'Neil join the fight]
Jarlot: Oh hell yes, I've wanted YEARS to get revenge on Kurt Russel.
(cocks shotgun)
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