Forgotten Freedom:28
(Terra awakens in her room, completely ****** off.)
Terra: Oh, it is SO on. Not-Walter, I think it's time.
Not-Walter scurries over to the door, unbinding the arcane lock. Terra bursts into Kithle's room.
Terra: Kithle, we have a major problem. Get everyone together NOW!!
Kithle: What's this all of a sudden? What about the duel?
Terra: I want to make sure we survive long enough to beat his *** into the ground...
(after describing the situation in the meeting room)
Kithle: And you waited until now to tell us this WHY?!
Terra: I only have pieces of the puzzle. I was hoping to find out more, but time is of the essence. I still don't know precisely what he's up to, but I can tell you it's going to be huge. He locked me in my room to keep me from getting hurt.
Kithle: And....?
Terra: Have you EVER seen him show compassion for anyone? This is VOLRATH were talking about! What he's planning has the potential to kill us all. He's so sure of it that he tried to keep me out of it.
Kithle: This is worse than even I had imagined. We begin preparations immediately!
Aerith: Oh my, he sounds like all he needs is LOVE!
Kanatash: (humming as he crushs the mind of a redshirt) It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine...
Muradin's Earth Elemental is talking to the ships Fire Elemental Earl.
Earl: So what's your name?
Earth Elemental: ... Steve.
Earl: Ooook, so why do you stay with Muradin?
Steve: He summoned me, therefore I am bound to him.
Earl: Man, that sucks.
Steve: Yeah, mainly because he keeps thinking that I'm a monster and tries to kill me.
Earl: Bummer.
They continue talking for a few minutes, then Muradin walks through the door.
Muradin: Hey Steve, where are (sees Steve) ... MONSTER!!! MURADIN SMASH!!!!
Steve: S***...not again.
Kithle - Death paper, Satnak plan gamma-5, Chalky round up your strike teams tell them to focus on scouts and injured, Sa'vor Andrea assemble your shock troops, Kanatash your sabotuers had better be finished, I hope the 3 managed to do enough damage, Terra How long has it been since volrath's troops have eaten or slept?
Terra - almost a week my rats have been keeping them up, even with the mods they should be weakened.
Kanatash - Your traps are set.
Kithle - good, ok kantash take some of andrea's wraiths and capture ketler, muradin, and pholly, drain their life force but try not to kill them. Lisa get the crew ready for battle, Find Norbaz and Allen, the Vampire overstepped his bounds messing with the Half-giant Satnak has been cranky and that makes her dangerous. The undead owes norbaz a full apology. Slip You and terra Help set the field, terra I need you to take care of communications between non-telepathic units, Keep an eye on Lisa's Squad they tend to get into trouble. When Norbaz is back up tell him to unleash his chili, use Allen for a tageting shot if necessarry. Scholar your the official stupid wrangler again, keep an on the 3 and try to position stupid near them. O everyone remember watch out for the traps. Volrath may havee monstrous Ubberation troops, but I know this ship, I know this crew, and I know War, Volrath your a decent schemer, but you are no general.
As everyone carries out their tasks, Terra grabs Michael's arm.
Terra: You had better not die out there...
Michael: I don't intend to. Why? You gonna miss me?
Terra: No. After this, I'm taking you down. I won't let anything get in the way of that.
Michael: Ooooooo, I'm sooooo scared.
Terra: Mock all you like, little man...
Lisa: MICHAEL! GET OVER HERE NOW!
Michael: (smirks at Terra, then runs over to Lisa) Yeah, sweet cheeks?
Lisa: Just for that, I'm putting you on point, smart guy.
Michael: WHAT?!!!
Ajihazi: (nelson style) HA-ha!
Lisa: You're up there with him...
Ajihazi:
The Dreaming Dark spy has finally revealed himself and is standing on the deck surrounded by the majority of the crew.
DD Spy: Fools, You cannot stop the Dreaming Dark. Kill me a thousand times and I will return again to slay you all.
Doog: (gripping his chain of command) Well, in the meantime we'll enjoy making those thousand deaths as painful as possible.
Suddenly Kanatash floats up from below deck. However he looks a little... different. He is wearing a black suit and dark sunglasses.
Kanatash: That will not be neCool Cthulhuessary.
DD Spy: Well if it isn't one of you half-breed bastards. I think you will be the first to die.
The DD Spy launches volley of crystals at Kanatash but he starts moving in bullettime and dodges all of them.
DD Spy: (sputtering) Thats impossible!
Kanatash: Not imposible. Inevitable. (launches into a display of martial arts that pummels the DD Spy even though he is incorperal)
DD Spy: (bleeding on the deck) No, it doesn't end here!
Kanatash: Goodby, Mr. Anderson.
DD Spy: Stop calling me that! It's not my name!
Kanatash dives into the DD Spy's body and he starts to twitch uncontrolably as small objects begin to move under his skin untile he finally explodes in a burst of light leaving Kanatash where he was standing. The rest of the crew disperses with worried looks in Kanatash's direction.
---
Later belowdecks, Savor and Kithle enter Kelter's lab. Kelter is messing with a ring of metal about a foot in diameter with a weblike pattern inside of it. OCool Cthulhuasional flashes of strange scenes can be glimpsed from the corner of your eye in this ring.
Kelter: (not looking up from the ring) What do you need?
Savor: Well, we've noticed that Kanatash has been acting a little odd lately...
Kelter: (glancing up momentarily) Rather than make some cliched remark I'm going to assume you mean more than usual.
Kithle: Yeah... We've checked with Volrath, Terra, and anyone else we could think of who might try to mess with Kanatash's mind and none of them owned up to it so we thought we should check if it might have anything to do with one of your inventions. What are you working on there anyways?
Kelter: This? Well I decieded to create small portal to that other world you guys all said was just in my head.
Savor: You mean the one responsible for your madness and all those refernces you make to thins like "D&D" or "Monty Python?"
Kelter: The same. I told you it was real.
Kithle: Could this thing be affecting Kanatash?
Kelter: Maybe. It does tend to give off some risidual energy which can cause side effects.
Kithle: Such as?
Kelter: Well it's responsible for all those comments crew members make that make absolutely no sense in context. For example when we were captured by mercs and Doog kept insulting Ajazi by calling him stuff like an "English Kin-igets."
Savor: Could this thing do more than that? I mean Kanatash was pulling some really strange stunts.
Kelter: It should be nothing, unless...
Kelter suddenly looks worried and dashes from the room. He stops in front of the redshirt quarters with Savor and Kithle hot on his heals. Kelter tosses open the room to reveal a horrible sight. Several dozen Kanatashs float in the room and they are chasing the last few remaining redshirts. As they watch one of the Kanatash's catches a redshirt and plunges his hand into the redshirt's chest. Silvery liquid slowly spreads from the wound until the redshirt is completely covered and the liquid falls away to reveal a new Kanatash.
Kelter: Oh ****.
Kanatashes: (echoing as they speak in unison) Hello, Mr. Anderson.
Kelter: (slowly closing the door and turning to face Savor and Kithle) We're all going to die.
The three of them break into a run just as the army of Kanatash's burst from the room.
---
Still later in a small, dark extradimensional space the entire remaining crew gathers around a table.
Jarlot: As some of you know already the reason you have called here is that Kanatash has gone on a rampage.
Crew: AGAIN!
Savor: This has happened before?
Andrea: Oh yeah. Most notably when he drove the captain insane and tried to take over the ship.
Jarlot: Anyways we need to plan what to do now.
Savor: Well individually I could probably defeat him but...
At this moment Kanatash floats up through the table.
Crew: Oh ****!
Kanatash: Yes Savor you could probably defeat me in an up front battle but I'm not stupid enough to face you without a ace up my sleave.
Micheal: Um, why are you not proceeding with the destruction of our minds?
Kanatash: Because I'm not the one who was corrupted by that little device of Kelter's. That was my duplicate, I've been away visiting my various cults for the last week.
Kithle: What do you mean by "corrupted" exactly?
Kanatash: Well that explanation requires a little explanation into the physics of my being. The truth is after my little trip to Xoriat I never really left.
Savor: Care to explain that.
Kanatash: The Deranged Lords literaly bound my mind to a smallish region of the plane of madness. (tapping his skull) This is essentially empty except for the occasional passing abberation and small portal directly to Xoriat.
Micheal: So what happens if the portal is closed?
Kanatash: Well the portal would go nova in a massive explosion and anything lucky or unlucky enough to survive would be drawn into Xoriat. My body here would be destroyed although the essence of my mind in Xoriat would be unharmed however it could take weeks, months, or even years for me to establish a new body on this plane.
Kithle: So what happened to your Duplicate.
Kanatash: Well that "darling" little portal Kelter created connects to a place that should not exist. The residual energy from that was transmitted to my mind and it caused something akin to a tumor. My mind sheared of the infection before it could spread but it took control of one of my bodies with it. Now that he is cut off from the majority of extraplanar power source I enjoy he is significantly weakened and those copies created are nowhere near full strenght. However he has linked the minds of those copies to his own and the more he creates, the more powerful he becomes. Plus if he is not stopped soon the corruption of that which should not exist will increase until existance comes to an end.
Jarlot: Should not exist? Thats a funny thing for a child of Xoriat to say. Why should you care anyways? You want to destroy reality too.
Kanatash: This is different. However I think my nephew Volrath can explain it better.
Volrath: Thank you Uncle. The thing to remember is that Xoriat is not so much that which should not exist as the primal force of unreality. It is the ying to realities yang. The truth of the destructing of your reality by the lords of Xoriat is that it is part of a great cycle. When your reality is destroyed it will be absorbed into Xoriat and a new reality will be born. Then the deranged lords will give this new reality a few million years to come into its own before invading to destroy it anew. This cycle has gone on for an infinit strech of time. In the case of this reality you happened to stop the deragned lords temporarily, a first I can assure you, so the lords decied to give you a little more time to "mature."
Kanatash: What different is if this influence from the place Kelter has contacted is allowed to spread it will be the ultimate end of the universe. No rebirth, no remains, nothing but an eternal void. The end of you and everything you have ever loved or cared about. The destruction of both reality and unreality, sanity and insanity. There will never again exist booze, drugs, booty, treasure, or anything else you value. It will be the ultimate, the omega, and the alpha end to the world as you know it and as you have never imagined it. All because Kelter made that stupid little ring.
Kelter: Um, oops?
Lisa: Well we've got to try and stop it I suppose...
Michael: Why us?
Lisa: *Long boring sermon starts to ensue...*
Aerith: Hmmmmm....I know! Let's tap the Lifestream and destroy the evil forces in a cosmic display of love and ecologically sound joy!
Lisa: Wrong setting....
Aerith: Why? We have Siberys and Eberron after all....
- Everyone looks at her oddly*
Norbaz: Okay, I know this will detract from my involvement with whoever's plans I've been roped into, but I think we all agree this has to be done. Terra, I would like to speak with you in regards to that later.
(walks below deck, returns with a chalk board, eraser, and chalk)
Norbaz: Okay flower girl, please watch closely.
Aerith: Alright, oh I must say I think something was odd about last night's meal. The food was trying to play with me, it was quite adorable.
Norbaz: ...just pay attention. This is our ship. This is a first level paladin. This is a first level paladin detecting evil within 60 feet of our ship and most of it's crew. (Draws paladin exploding). This guy (draws Michael) is an anti-paladin. He smites good. She (draws Andrea) is a necromancer, she likes artfully making the dead walk again. These guys (draws abberation circle of the crew) are committing unspeakable horrors I only found out about because in doing so they killed a person I had been, (draws himself) paid to kill, as an assassin for higher. WE AREN'T NICE PEOPLE! Here is our ship. Here is our flag (draws the forgotten freedom's pirate flag) and we attack other ships for their money. Is any of this getting through to you.
Muradin is chasing Steve down the hall.
Muradin: DIE MONSTER!!!!
Steve: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT, I'M NOT A MONSTER!!!!
Steve runs by Aerith who is walking down the hall. She sees Muradin runing at Steve with his hammer.
Aerith: (stops Muradin) Now Muradin, that hammer is not child-safe.
Muradin:
Aerith pulls out a fluffly covering and puts it over the hammer.
Aerith: There, much better.
Muradin looks at the hammer then hits the wall with it, it bounces back not making a scrach, only sees a with Have a nice day written under it.
Muradin:... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Muradin runs off to his room.
Aerith: It makes me feel so good to help people .
Aerith sighs sweetly. "Oh, Norbaz, you big softy, I knew this wasn't the best neighborhood before I came onboard. Don't worry, we've got plenty of time to set everything right."
She leans over and lightly kisses him on the cheek, then whispers, "Thank you for not raping those poor girls. I think it's a good starting point. We can talk about it later."
The fact that a, oh, 5'2" girl can lean over and kiss a half-giant on the cheek goes unnoticed by most of the crew . . .
Terra watches this disgusting display with no shortage of malice.
Terra: (softly, through clenched teeth) Must...not...kill.... Must...not...kill....
Aerith: Oh, come on, honey! Turn that frown upside down!
Terra: *snap* DIE B**CH!!!!
Terra tries to punch Aerith as she turns, but (apparently through some divine intervention) Aerith stumbles, causing Terra to hit the wall instead.
Terra: (holding her bruised knuckles) I HATE YOU!!!!
Aerith: Oh, don't be so mean to the wall!
Terra: GAHHHH!!!!!
A dragon lands on the deck of the FF. A hunched figure slips from its back.
Dragon: I wish you weren't going. *sniff* It won't be the same around the castle without you. You did such nice work with the cadaver golem, I swear those humans thought it was the real thing. You know, you could always hire yourself out to Snaxaulastxa, I'm sure she needs someone to help her revive the Mark of Death. Figure: No, no. I'm thertain my palthe ith here.
The dragon cannot say anymore, too choked by words. Instead it takes off again, causing the flames on Earl's ring to flicker for a moment. The hunched figure trodds its way toward the meeting room, stepping with one foot and dragging the other. Surprisingly for this gait, however, he moves quite fast. It arrives at the door, and raises a crooked arm to knock.
- Knock, knock.*
Jarlot: We're in the middle of a meeting of vital importance to sanity, so you'd better be the booze guy!
The figure thinks about this for a moment. Then it shuffles back along the corridor until it again finds the redshirt carrying a keg, its chest drenched in silver fluid. The figure picks up the keg and carries it back to the door of the meeting room. He then opens the door and walks around the table, unnoticed by any of the crew, who are having a planning session. The figure steps right up next to the captain and says in a pleasant sing-song:
Figure: Your booth ith here, Mathter!
Jarlot jumps half-way out of his seat, before realizing that it is only a hunchbacked man with one bad leg.
Jarlot: How in Khyber did you walk in here without anyone noticing?
Kithle tentatively raises a hand.
Kithle: Um, captian, I and many others noticed him, but…well…for some reason we just didn't consider him to be worth worrying about.
Jarlot looks the man over, paying particular attention to the hunched back.
Jarlot: Well don't just stand there, tap that keg…ah…let me guess…Eye-gor.
Igor: I'th pronounthed "Ee-gor", thir. That movie wath not QUITE tho accurate.
Jarlot: You sure?
Igor: All my previous mathters have called me Igor.
Rather than tax his brain, Jarlot decides to go ahead and get drunk so he can think with a clear head.
Jarlot: The quarters for the less-used crew is downstairs.
Igor: Yeth thir.
Jarlot: You can submit to Kantash for the brain scan as soon as we've cleared his duplicate up.
Kithle: What exactly are you here to do?
Igor: I therve the greatetht creator of madneth in Eberron. I am here to make thure he doth not thtray from hith path, and I am here to make thure hith work goeth more thmothly.
Both Kithle and Kantash hide their evil grins.
Igor: And you thhall not regret my thervith, Mathter Jarlot.
Igor shuffles from the room, oblivious to the startled looks of confusion, comprehension, and nods of obvious.
Volrath : Kelter stauy with me it's going to get dangerous. Kelter : Most of the recent danger has come from you. Volrath : That doesn't matter.
Volrath walks into redshirt quarters see Kanatash duplicate. It rushes at him. He pulls out a strange gun like device. The duplicate begins to try a go into bullet time again. A lightning bolt hits him squarely in the face. He them disapates
Volrath : Still ain't faster than light ay.
Volrath then proceeds to destroy the rest of the duplicates.
Volrath (to the rest of the crew) : Violence can't get rid of all the corruption, but I destroyed the most dangerous part. Satnak and Lisa will have their hands full dealing with exorcising it. Thius just keeps getting better and better for me.
The aberrations move out and the battle begins... (decided to split it up into two posts, and yes it will finally be over.)
Aerith: La la la la la la....
- waters her garden on the deck*
V: *creeps up behind Aerith with knife drawn*
Aerith: I love rainbows and mittens on kittens.....
V: For the glory...of the prolitariat.....I....
Aerith: Oh Hi Mister V!
V: AH!
Aerith: I heard you had an accident so I thought I'd help by healing your gross bad nasty deformities...
- extends her hand and touches his mask*
V: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
- runs away*
Aerith: What an odd reaction.
- an evil summoning circle left over by Kanatash's double finally brings forth results as the room most aligned with unholy forces is used to channel it, the bedroom of the most eldritch of crew*
HAHAHAHAHAHA! After ten thousand years I have at last gained the power to manifest in this celestial plane and shall bring about the end of all things! Cool Cthulhu: Oh hi Big brother. Oh sweet Hastur what the Hell are you doing here!? Cool Cthulhu: Oh well, I sort of work here. I'm the guy that does our public relations. You're a sanity blasting horror! Cool Cthulhu: Well that's no reason no to make a really good marketing campaign! What the Hell would DAD say to you? Cool Cthulhu: Oh like he ever pays attention to us. He's always sleeping and waiting for the stars to be right. You sir are a disgrae to Star Spawn everywhere! Cool Cthulhu: Now that's not very nice, can't I offer you some Tofu humans to eat? Vegetarianism is a wonderful alternative to eating humans.
- Aerith then walks in and steps in the circle of insanity*
Aerith: Do I smell Tofu? I... Ah! The circle is corrupted. I....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
- is torn to pieces by the mixing of purity and nightmarish energie as his essence is scattered across ten thousand planes*
Aerith: Oh, did I interrupt something?
Cool Cthulhu: Nah, in strange eons. Even death may die. Can I offer you some tofu?
Captain Jarlot: I am setting up this complaint box for any crew that have problems with Aerith.
- sighs as he picks up her autographed picture and begins kissing it*
Evil Gnome Bomber: It's about damn time! Lousy....*scribbles down his complaints* I say we toss her off the plank.
Captain Jarlot: Cloud could never appreciate you the way I could *mumbles something to his picture*
Evil Gnome Bomber: Yeah, whatever.
- The Gnome sticks his letter in the complaint box as his arm is bitten into as the Mimic then devours the Gnome*
Mimic: *BELCH*
Captain Jarlot: Now that's taken care of. Any further problems?
Roosevelt walks past the box as it eats the Evil Gnome Bomber. He sees Aerith make the turn down the corridor. With his cute bear body he knows that if she sees him he is in for a fate worse than death. Quicker than the eye he darts through a swinging panel that he set up so long ago. It leads to a semi-secret shaft that only the lesser-used crew bother with. He stands there for a moment, glad he doesn't breath, glad he has no heart to beat faster. Before Aerith he didn't know what fear was.
Roosevelt:No more hugs! [he thinks to himself.]
He leaps down the steep stairs, desparate to get away from the sweetness and light.
Meanwhile Igor checks on the Mimic to make sure it's been fed.
Igor:And how is little Mi-mi today? Enough unimportant people unhappy with Aerith? I don't think you'll go hungry.…
