Forgotten Freedom:37
Tifa: Damn Thats a lot of Kalimari... I wonder if the cook a really big deep frier!
Cool Cthultu: What you want to eat me!
Tifa: Yeah What do you think I ment! My heart belong only to Jarlot... well and those nymphs, but that neither here nor there.
Jarlot I don't now if this is a good or bad thing... Wait What Nymphs!?
At that same moment Bob the Mini Kuitchier (I will never spell that right) walking in on the meeting. ( two years after his death, at Dra'vos's grave. a black robed figure stands above the grave, from his lips come a divine incantation. the dirt above the grave begins to shift, a white and skeletal hand breaks through the dirt and a skeletal figure pulls itself from the ground amd its flesh begins to regenerate. now standing there is a lean white with Dra'vos's features) Dra'vos: why have you raised me? and who are you?
Black Robed Figure: in many years you shall be tasked to destroy your murderer, wait for the sign.
Dra'vos: but who are you?
Black Robed Figure: someone whom hates Sa'vor with all his soul
Dra'vos:then i shall wait for the sign
Black Robed Figure: you shall
(Present day, Forgotten freedom)
Sa'vor: well, it looks like this might be the end
Terra: How? you've just been told that you see the start of the illithid empire
Sa'vor: time isnt a liniar sequence, its mutable, nothings decided. only your actions create your future.
( Sa'vor kneels down and prays)
Terra: are you praying?
Sa'vor: yes
Terra: i thought you didnt belive in any gods
Sa'vor: im praying to Mabar, the plane of night. perhaps one of the most hospitable places i whent.
Terra: i thought they tried to kill you?
Sa'vor: true, but at least they where doing it because it was their job. and then they turned me into this.
Terra: i thought you enjoyed being alive and undead at the same time?
Sa'vor: i do, i enjoy the vampire side far more. though being alive has its advantages as well. the vampire side just has more, example, domination. watch this ( red shirt walks by) Walk off the ship
Redshirt: yes master ( walks off the ship, goes plummeting thousands of feet and is smeared across the thranish country side).
Lisa: i have objections to you doing that.
Sa'vor: true, but he was a mass murdering abductionist, whom liked murdering small girls.
Lisa: that still doesnt justify what you did
Sa'vor: true, but once again, i really dont care.
Lisa: have you no morals ?
Sa'vor: i have some
Lisa: like what?
Sa'vor: my many taboos: Killing some one in thier sleep; drinking; gambling; using magic for material gain; drinking more blood than i need; rape; petty thievery; eating children; devouring souls; messing with the cosmic balance; genocide and so on; letting gods walk the earth.
Terra: i thought you killed that old man whom saved you in his sleep?
Sa'vor: and thats one of the few things that i feel guilty about. Norbaz is going over the equipment locker looking for something.
Norbaz: No, no. Definitely not. No, no. Again no. Jeese, where in Khyber is it.
Satnak: Okay, what is it you're looking for and why aren't you making me Chili?
Norbaz: I'm looking for something to use to aid in corruption of the oncoming demi whatever being. You know the one they were telling us all about earlier, the demon that had been sealed in the silver flame but is now no longer a demon.
Satnak: Oh, well what are you looking for specifically?
Norbaz: A psionic item I threw in here a while back. I figure my assassin skills won't be too helpful if we actually come to blows with this guy, so I'm digging up an old helm which should help keep anything powerful out of my head, should include alignment too.
Satnak: And that helps you how?
Norbaz: I won't be immediately erradicated, something I'm trying to avoid.
Satnak: I see...well considering we may all die with this endeavor, make chili.
The half elf was looming over the hunched over form of Norbaz with a demanding glint in her eyes.
Norbaz: There's still alot in storage in the lower deck.
Satnak: I know, I found and finished it this morning.
Norbaz stops his search, slowly rises to his full stature, turns around and looks down at Satnak.
Norbaz: What?
Satnak: I said I already finished it.
Norbaz: That had to be three times your body weight in chili.
Satnak: Your point.
Norbaz: I'm just going to assume there is an extra dimensional space in your stomach from here on out, and not ask how you can still keep that kind of figure with all the Chili you eat on a daily basis....No, screw that, I'm asking. Where in kyber does it all go? Satnak - Power comes at a price my metabolism is in constant overdrive. Chili specifically helps me attune my "burn" blade.
elsewhere
Kithle - Humans are nigh unstoppable, I should now, might be best to simply mix my bloodline into that of theirs and rule the human empire. The aboleths need to be dealt with I know I'll send melvin back to pollute the gene pool. I resfuse to play second string to fish. As the eye of the mind moves through the ship we find ourselves on the female side of the Lesser-Used crew quarters……well, since Lucky is now a girl I guess it counts. Lucky and Ninja Jaela 26 are having a friendly conversation over tea. The topic has apparently turned to Lucky's past as a male.
Lucky: …So then the curtain gets pulled back, and I find myself face to face with a grossly fat fire giantess. And that's the last time I accepted a contract from Morgrave University.
NJ 26 just stares blankly.
Lucky: I wonder what's gotten the crew spooked all of a sudden? Normally I can sense any danger coming, but now all I have is a peaceful feeling.
Cheese: THAT'S BECAUSE LAW AND GOOD ARE DECEPTIVE FORCES THAT EVIL CAN NEVER HOPE TO MATCH.
Lucky: Damn you, Cheese! Don't sneak up on people like that.
Cheese: I require something from NJ 26.
Ninja Jaela: What is it that you seek?
Cheese: THE MOST EVIL ARTIFACT YET CREATED.
NJ 26: And why would I have it?
Cheese just grins………………eeeeeeevily.
NJ 26: But I destroyed it!
Cheese: I consulted Igor. Something of that magnitude of evil requires a quest to properly destroy it. He should know.
NJ 26 just remains silent.
Cheese: DO YOU REALLY WISH THIS ENTITY TO DESTROY ALL IN THE WORLD THAT IS EVIL? I DOUBT EVEN THE MOST DEVOUT OF ANGELS WOULD WANT THAT.
NJ 26: There is a conflict within me between the part that is of the Silver Flame and the part of me that is of the Forgotten Freedom. I can't just choose without weighing both sides. I have loyalties. I'm a ninja, it's part of the whole "honor" thing. I…
A truely evil thought comes into the mind of NJ 26. It spreads as a slight ripple in the fabric of reality, causing all the great minds tuned to the fabric of the draconic prophecy to twitch just a little. It is promptly deleted as it arrives in the minds of Kithle, Kantash, Sa'vor, and other übers, as it would be too much for them to comprehend at the moment.
NJ 26: Lucky, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room.
Lucky: Because of what—
NJ 26: Because otherwise your danger sense will blow your brain out through the back of your head.
Lucky: Understood. Norbaz: Okay, okay. Just help me find the helmet and I'll make sure you will never want for chili again.
Satnak: And how do you propose to do that?
Norbaz: I'll see if I can convince Ketler to give me some of his old and now unused equipment.
Satnak: You're not thinking of...
Norbaz: Yeah, by all means it should work, or just explode. Regardless I'll try, now lets find the helmet. Igor knocks on Allen's coffin, and then opens it. "It ith time, marthter." Igor tells him. "Excellent..." Allen says, getting up out of his coffin. He then waited while Igor got his best suit and cape out of the closet, and put them on. He then walked out of his room, and headed down the hallway, darkness and Igor following him. "Please!" Nalfein attempted to ask Allen, but was slammed into the wall before he could say another word. Allen continued brushing aside people, not stopping for anyone, until he reached his final destination. He opened up the double doors, and sat down on a bench, getting the attention of a nearby servant red shirt. "Three orders of chilli please." He asks the red shirt, smiling happily in anticipation for this long awaited meal.
Igor Brother of Igor, he serves Allen because the Igor family has always had a tendency to serve vampires. They kept regular hours, were generally polite to their servants, and, an important extra, didn't require much work in the bed-making and cookery department, and tended to have cool, roomy cellars where an Igor could pursue his true calling. This more than made up for those occasions when you had to sweep up their ashes. (Above taken from The Fifth Elephant, a book in the Discworld series.) ( Nalfein hovers outside Sa'vors door waiting for him to leave. once again, he wants to be a vampire. his life long dream is so close. Sa'vor fades through the door, Nalfien will now try a different aporach)
Nalfein: Excuse me, mr d'vol sir?
( Sa'vor stops, its been a long time since anyones ever called him d'vol) Sa'vor: yes?
Nalfien: i know you must be really busy with all your being Uber and plotting world domination. but, could you grant me a wish
Sa'vor: im no dijinn
Nalfien: true, but i was wondering, could you make me a vampire?
( Sa'vor sighs) Sa'vor: have you any idea how difficult it is being a Vampire?
Nalfien:i have read lots about thier powers and abilities yes...
Sa'vor: im not your average vampire, im of a more specialized bloodline, Vampiris mabrana.
Nalfien: i've read some where about them, they're the ones which walk in sunlight, turn aside silver and stake. can cross water, see thier own relections and are not repuled by holy symbols.
Sa'vor: yes and we can walk on concecrated ground, enter houses and the like uninvited. my branch of vampirism is different from the others. its not spread by me biteing you, its spread by a disease.
Nalfien: of course ... your between alive and undead. this makes you especialy resistant. but you must still consume blood for sustinance... fasinating. what disease would it be then?
Sa'vor: phophic heamophilia mabranous, i caught it when i spent to long in mabar, im a carrier and a victim. though i've turned off my ability to spread it
Nalfien: why?
Sa'vor: too many people like me is a bad thing. and can you imagin what will happen if vampires begin to break the rules?
Nalfien: more vampire hunting?
Sa'vor: yes and no, the chosen one will be summoned ( the slayer in old vampric texts) and then i'll get loads of letters of complaint from all the Vampiric rules councils and fan web sites.
Nalfien: so you wont make me a vampire?
Sa'vor: heres my advice, give up, vampirisms not fun. i spend most of my days trying to find enough blood to drink. and every time i go through a forest i get edgy. also, no one in the villages will talk to you, they all scream "your no having any of my blood!", and then theres the mobs. i've been run out of town by so many mobs im no longer suprised anymore. your best bet is to become a lich, less weaknesses, still cant go shopping, more respect oh and a good pension plan.
Nalfien: pension plan?
Sa'vor: yeah, for when you reach a millenia old and the old undead brain starts to go funny, your magical powers arnt what they used to be and you start to get athritis, supposedly they do anchinet lich homes now for those whoms familys kicked them out of he labratory.
Nalfien: intresting .... Igor: Well thith ith a nithe thurprithe. I thee you thtill work for vampireth.
Igor: Yeth. My mathter called me over. He needed a full-time Gothic Feng Shui Consultant.
Igor: I'm thorry, but what with Mathter Jarlot'th wife arriving I haven't had time. It'th always "Igor! Go for more bonadge equipmant!"
Igor: Tho that'th what that wath. I jutht thought he like torturing people. You do have the habit of working for that kind.
Igor: No, on thith thip, the torturing ith left up to the retht of the crew.
Igor: I hear there ith another vampire aboard.
Igor: Yeth. Tha'vor. Although he hath moralth.
Igor: Not a bad thing on a vampire. Tho long ath they keep up the tradithionth.
Igor: Actually, he'th more into the mad thientitht mode. He'th created an army of half-dragonth. And he conthultth with me on maintaining the image.
Igor: You alwayth know the motht interethting people.
Igor: The crew apprethiateth my diverth knowledge.
Igor: I jutht have one quethtion: Where'th the betht plathe for a lab?
Igor: Ah, you might want to thet up thop with one of the corporeal überth. Volrath, Kithle, Tha'vor, they all have dethent lab thpatheth that they are quite willing to loan in exthchange for thome advithe. Or, if that doethn't work out, I will intrduthe you to Roothevelt the carpenter and Cheethe the rat, who knowth all about the extradimenthional propertieth of the Forgoteen Freedom.
Igor: It'th too bad there will be no lotht young people dropping by.
Igor: That ith a problem. I haven't thought much about it, thinthe Jarlot ithn't that thort of mathter.
Igor: Really? He thruck me ath being thomeone who would relith the idea of beautiful young women conthtantly finding a need to thpend the night on hith thip.
Igor: With thith crew? That would be thilly.
Igor: You're right.
Igor: Wrong thort of atmothphere.
Igor: He doethn't theem to have the charithma for it, either.
Igor: He get'th lotth of fan mail, though.
Igor: How ith one thuppotht to go about dealing with aquiring women on pirate thipth?
Igor: You capture or pay for them. Tho you thould thee the meth that goeth on with Pontiff Jaela. As the ship prepares for the arrival of the Silver Flame demon, Doog, Erk, and Marish return, towing a defeated warfored and Phollie.
Doog (sitting down in the mess hall): Damn, it feels good to be back.
Allen: You were gone? Funny, I didn't notice.
Warforged: How? How could they foil my brilliant plans so easily? I'm an evil genius!
Mickey: You didn't even stop off at the infirmary. Not that I'm complaining.
Doog: Let me tell you, it was unbeliev—
Doog suddenly finds himself with a cargirl in his lap. Normally this would be a good thing, but she has her claws dangerously wrapped around his throat in just such a way that it looks like a lusty embrace but could obviously be turned into a demonstration of bad surgery if Doog so much as breathed wrong.
Mairsh: Now, now. Remember what you promised?
Doog: Ah…I don't say anything about what happened…*gulp* and you don't tell Aljihaz where the Trouser Titan is.
Erk pats Doog affectianately on the head and grumbles friendly-like.
Doog: So…what's going on?
Mickey: An ultra-terrifying outsider of pure Law and Good loyal to the Silver Flame is headed our way intending to turn us into inside-out and then go on to ruin the world by expunging it of all that evil represents.
Doog: Aerith's coming back? Ketler: Captain, I still don't think you realize the danger in trying to get Aerith back.
Jarlot: How so?
Ketler: Well, Tifa, Andrea, and Terra are all plotting her grizly demize as we speak.
Jarlot: How, exactly, is this new?
Ketler: No, I mean, they're plotting TOGETHER...
Jarlot: ...oh, this won't end well.
(elsewhere)
Tifa: I told you I already tried that!
Terra: Well, what do you suggest we do, then? That damn joy factory is practically immune to anything we throw at her!
Andrea: It's not like you've done any better than either of us. How long have you known her? Not even a scratch to show for it!
Tifa: We need to neutralize the Solar Deva somehow.
Andrea: We could always have Terra try and seduce her...
Terra: Say WHAT?! I have more dignity than that, thank you very much!
Andrea: Yeah, going after holier-than-thou Lisa. That's not gonna happen and you know it.
Terra: Just because you're jealous that I like her and not you-
Andrea: How dare you say that! On what grounds do you base that?!
Tifa: It's actually pretty obvious...
The plotting session quickly decends into a cat fight enjoyed by most of the crew. Aerith: La la la la la la....
- enters chamber where Jaela is on the ground burned horribly*
Aerith: Oh dear.
- spins around as she suddenly has a miniskirt and long bunny like hair tails*
Aerith: MOON CRYSTAL...HEALINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGG!
- Jaela heals as she spins around and finds herself similiarly attired*
Jaela: What in the name of the Flame?
Aerith: I have inducted you into the Holy Order of Moon Warriors.
Jaela: Why do I look like I'm well over my age?
Aerith: One of the side benefits of being such. Besides, the Forgotten Freedom has been pillaging a long time gametime.
Jaela: I see. What's that monstrous thing heading across the city?
Aerith: Oh. Well remember that Demon that Tira Mirron imprisoned in the Flame?
Jaela: Yes.
Aerith: Well the idea that Tira said was that the Demon would eventually be destroyed by the flame but demons always reincarnate.
Jaela:....and?
Aerith: Well Demons are always alittle different between how they live and how they die. In this case, the Rajah was known as Sutekh the Destroyer of Worlds. It was his mission to destroy the planet and all living things. Now over the centuries he's been killed a few hundred million times and always ressurected only to be killed again as he slowly perverted his essence to try and become good enough to survive. Eventually, he managed to reconcile his nature with the Flame.
Jaela: Oh Hell.
Aerith: Yes, it grows in power the more evil it consumes.
Jaela: But surely good is in forgiveness.
Aerith: Yes but it doesn't REQUIRE it.
Jaela: Oh no, what are we going to do.
Aerith: Obviously I must confront it.
- Aerith puts on a little red riding hood like bonnet and pulls out a broomstick as she ladylike rides it towards the Forgotten Freedom*
- Jaela is dragged with her*
A few hours later
Aerith: Ah at last I am returned to my lovely home. I have so missed the crew. Sweet and adorable Kanatash, Cuddly Doog, Brainy but Lovable Andrea, that snuggly scamp Phollie, chivalrous Michael, my happy environmentalist friend Terra, Cute Norbaz, and Mischevious Santak....
Jaela: I'd never use those adjectives to describe them.
Aerith: As part of my Solar Deva training on the Plane of Law, its part of my job to see the good in everyone no matter how remote!
Jaela: I see.
Aerith: I admit sometimes I just want to stamp my foot and POUT at some of their actions though.
- she did so*
Cheeze: Oh hell, she's back.
Aerith: My cute little pet mousy!
Cheeze: GAH! Klaz enters Kithle's room, followed closely by Vrin. Vrin is holding a video camera as Kithle stares at them, befuddled.
Klaz: (in an overly abnoxious Australian accent) Right, now 'ere we've got a really reah specimin. This 'ere is the only known 'alf-Illithid in tha' wo'ld.
Kithle: What. The. Hell.
Klaz: Look at 'im, such a magestic creature. Far smarter than any 'uman, 'e can suck your brain right out a' your 'ead.
Kithle: I never planned to eat your brain. This just clinches it.
Klaz: Now, ladies an' gentlemen, I'm a professional, so don't try this at 'ome.
Kithle: Touch me, and I hurt you...
Klaz goes up to Kithle, reaching out as he continues.
Klaz: These 'ere tentacles release a real nasty acid that can burn right through your skin in a matter of seconds (touches Kithle).
Kithle: I warned you...
Klaz: AUGH! CRIKEY!! ME 'AND!!!
Jarlot: Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm here to tell you that we're going to war.
Ketler: Uhhh Captain, where did you get that Admiral's Naval Uniform?
Jarlot: I earned it in battle.
Ketler: First of all....you were in the infantry of Cyre and never rose above second private.
Jarlot: I was highly decorated for my rank.
Ketler: Those medals include Karrnath, Aundair, Breland, and.....Q'Barra?!
Jarlot: Ummmmm....well I have to admit that I occasionally screwed up my missions and may have done services for the other side on occasion.
Ketler: Sadly, I can believe that.
Jarlot: In any case, we're about to face our greatest war yet and defeating the Demon of Flame is the first step to my becoming Supreme Ruler of Earth.
Tifa: HAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL EMPEROR JARLOT!
Ketler: Ummm Tiffa, the sieg heil is not something I'm comortable with given my religion....
Tifa: There is one Eberron! If it splits in half, there'll be two! All mankind is scum - and bee-yoo-tiful!
Jarlot: Ummm...guys, please forgive my....woman I don't know at all.
Tifa: How dare you live in a place with a roof, you users of oxygen! You people don't understand how good you have it! When Jarlot rules the world, all people not a part of Jarlot's Ruling Class will be made to work and toil for the good citizens of it!
Jarlot: Oh sweet Dol Dorn, Tifa you're ruining my speech....
Doog: I've heard enough of this! We've been your crew for years and what have we got? SHAVIT! It's time for a change! I'm declaring MYSELF Captain and we'll...
Tifa: BLASSPHEMMERRRRRRRRRRRR!
Doog: AHHHHHH!
- intense sounds of cartoonish violence as Tifa starts beating Doog horribly*
Doog: GAHHHHH! She's biting my head!
Tifa: You filthy non-Jarlot worshipper you! I bet you've eaten in the past couple of days! All money I earn goes to support his domination of the planet! You shall STARVE for your master!
Jarlot: Right, okay, we've got a big demon heading our way and we need to stop it.
Aerith: Oooo, Ooo, can we stop it with love?
Jarlot: Ummm...let's put a pin in that theory for now.
Jaela: Ummm hi....can I ask about getting Ketler detached from my leg?
Jarlot: No.
Michael: I think Doog is tapping out because of the hold Tifa's got him in, shouldn't we call an end to the match?
Jarlot: It's not pro-wrestling Michael.
Tifa: TASTE THE FURY OF MY WHIP YOU LAZY WORKER YOU! THE GLORIES OF J.A.R.L.O.T are forever!
Jarlot: Oh, one last thing, I've installed a portable hole that moves wherever I want it with a pull of this bellpull. I think it'll be more effective than keeling.
- he snaps his fingers and a bell pull appears out of nowhere hanging from mid air*
- he pulls it*
- Tifa and Dooj then fall down a hole as they start screaming then a distant splashing is heard below*
Jarlot: Don't worry, it just leads to part of the extradimensional parts of the ship. It should keep Tifa out of trouble for a while though.
Tifa: *soaking wet and suddenly right beside Jarlot* Your decisions are noble and good My Lord!
Jarlot: Oh hell! Norbaz: I can help with that, I need to speak to him anyway.
Ketler: Wait! No! What are you doing!!!!!!!!!!
Norbaz peels ketler off of Jaela, Pontiff of the Silver Flame.
Norbaz: Word of advice, little lady, stay near Aerith and don't talk to people. It'll be much safer for you that way.
Ketler: No, I was there, she's there, why, oh why!!!!!
Norbaz walks off below decks with Ketler suspended in air.
Norbaz: I need your help modifying this helmet, and jury rigging the Cloning machine, we need this to survive, Cannith, and only the greatest artificer on Eberron can do it.
Ketler: What...
Norbaz: We're gonna make a Chili Replicator, with fifteen alarm settings.
- Jaela thanks Norbaz profusely*
