Editing A Sea Change

And there it was.  With the Cortex down and news travelling only at the speed of any ship able to carry it physically, there was no verifying his continued existence, not without going to Blue Sun itself.  I knew the answer to that before I stepped foot on the bridge.  Even so, I had to ask.

“I know,” I sighed.  Three years ago, the situation had been different.  Back then, we’d been on the ground with Mike when he was captured, we’d been between cargoes, and the Cortex was still operational.  Everything then was immediate. That gave us options we didn’t now have and it had the effect of tempering my response.  As much as I wanted to take off to Blue Sun to save him, the reality of the situation held me back.  Three years ago, I’d been completely prepared to cut and run had I not been able to talk the crew into it, desperate to save him but convinced it was possible.  Now I felt only a smothering dread.  Despair waited at the edges of it, looking to swallow me whole.  One thing kept me from letting it take me and I spoke it aloud.

“The comm delay works both ways. He escaped custody after the Highgate job by faking his death.  For all we know, he’s done it again.  And the Feds’re in the same boat as we are in terms of getting the word out if he did.  There’s room for Mike to maneuver in that.” Slim hope, but even slim was better than none.  Dread and despair stirred and I shoved them back.  I stared unseeing out the windows and continued.  “I’ll believe he’s dead when they show me his body.  And even then, I’d keep an eye on his corpse. With Mike, it’s the only way to be sure. ”

Three years ago Nika had offered me comfort when Mike had been taken. I’d refused it.  I didn’t make the same mistake again.  Unlike with Joshua, who must have had conflicting feelings with regard to Mike, Nika and I had no such problem and as wrapped up as I was in my misery, I wasn’t blind to hers.  So she held me and I held her, and if our faces came away a little damp afterward, I made no mention of it.