Space Corps Regulations

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• 001
  • It is a prime overriding duty to contact other lifeforms, exchange information, and, whenever possible, bring them home.
• 003
  • By joining Star Corps, each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty, and adequate toilet facilities.
• 005
  • The ship's computer may be replaced when its actions lead to the gross endangerment of personnel.
• 112
  • A living crew member always out-ranks a mechanical crew member.
• 142
  • In a hostage demand situation, a hologrammatic personality is entirely expendable
• 147
  • Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessel except on production of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit.
• 169
  • In a emergency hologram situation, the holograms must be placed on a time share schedule.
• 195
  • In an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crew member must lay down his life in order that the living crew members might survive.
• 312
  • Crew members in quarantine must be provided with minimum leisure facilities. (Rimmer takes this to mean: 'a chess set with 31 missing pieces, a knitting magazine with a pull-out special on crocheted hats, a puzzle magazine with all the crosswords completed and a video of the excellent cinematic treat, Wall-Papering, Painting, And Stippling — A DIY Guide.)
• 349
  • Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension rights.
• 497
  • When a crewmember has run out of credits, food may not be supplied until the balance is restored.
• 592
  • In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be granted to whichever officer can program a VCR.
• 595
  • Any crew member who has been in direct contact with diseases must enter quarantine for a period of 3 months. See also Space Corps Directive 699 can be used to demand a re-screening after five days.
• 596
  • Crew files are for the eyes of the Captain only.
• 597
  • One berth per registered crew member.
• 699
  • A quarantined crew member can request a re-screening after a period no less than 5 days. If no trace of disease is found they can leave Quarantine.
• 723
  • Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon.
• 997
  • Work done by an officer's doppleganger in a parallel universe cannot be claimed as overtime.
• 1694
  • During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crew member whose timesheet shows him/her clocking off 187 years before he/she clocked on.
• 1742
  • No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.
• 1743
  • No registered vessel should attempt to transverse an asteroid belt without deflectors.
• 5796
  • No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples.
• 5797
  • A crew member is unable to enter the ship for the safety of the crew when in an area of chameleonic lifeforms, especially if that crew member might infact be a brain sucking psychotic temporal lobe slurper.
• 7214
  • To preserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts.
• 7713
  • The log must be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission data, and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subordinates who have not received a card.
• 12532
  • Space Corps super chimps performing acts of indecency in zero-gravity will lose all banana privileges.
• 34124
  • No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity.
• 43872
  • Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only.
• 68250
  • A rabbi shall sacrifice one or more chickens in an attempt to solve a crisis situation.
• 98247
  • No Officer should be left behind on an inhabited planet unless he is missing two or more limbs.
• 112145
  • The primary overriding duty of the Space Corps is to contact other life forms, exchange information, and, wherever possible, bring them home.
• 196156
  • Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial.
• 1947945
  • A mechanoid may issue orders to human crew members if the lives of said crew members are directly or indirectly under threat from a hitherto unperceived source and there is inadequate time to explain the precise nature of the enormous and most imminent death threat.
• 5724368217968/B
  • At all times show your allegiance to Red Dwarf in the US by picking up your phone and calling your local public television station with your pledge.
• 39436175880932/B
  • All nations attending the conference are only allocated one car parking space.
• 39436175880932/C
  • POWs have a right to non-violent constraint.

Rimmer Directives

• 271 No chance, you metal bastard (Used to counter Space Corps Directive 195).
• An unspecified directive after the crew was attacked by a polymorph (simply referred to as "The Rimmer Directive"): 'Never tangle with anything that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond family.'