Editing The Verse is a Tough Grader

<br><span style="color:#800000"> '''''This got posted well after we finished it thanks to a miscommunication on my part yet it's relevant to the events just prior to Episode 210. Which only goes to show: It all evens out in the end. Thanks, Terri!—Maer'''''</span><br><br><br>



'''Monday, 09 Jul 2525'''<br>
'''Acropolis, Athens'''<br>
'''Georgia (Huang Long) system'''<br><br>

Vikki took off her (relative) finery once they got back from the restaurant and hit the crew galley to make tea. The ritual of heating the water and choosing the tea, the cup, and the spoon soothed her feelings. She'd just poured the water over the leaves and was waiting for the pot to finish steeping when Tian found her.<br><br>

The doctor paused in the doorway watching the younger woman's movements. The taut set to Vikki's shoulders told Tian all she really needed to know. "You know," she said quietly, "You have every right to all the conflicting emotions you're having about Val right now." When Vikki looked up, Tian was leaning one shoulder on the door jamb, her head tipped sideways to rest there as well and her arms loosely crossed. "It sucks when you develop feelings for someone who doesn't share them. But it doesn't make you stupid or ridiculous or any of the other things you may be calling yourself in your own head."<br><br>

Sunk, Vikki slumped against the counter for a self-indulgent second before putting the starch back in her spine. She pulled another cup and saucer from the cabinet and said without turning around, "I do. It does. I'm not." A clean spoon joined the saucer and Vikki peeked under the teapot's lid. ''Not ready''. Thinking it a good parallel to her own dithering, Vikki made herself turn around. "I'm just ... disappointed that she saw me as a threat big enough to merit a preemptive strike. I'm not. Val and I already decided that issue. She's free to have him."<br><br>

Pursing her lips, Tian pushed off the wall and moved to take Vikki's unspoken invitation by seating herself at the table. "For what this is worth to you, Vikki, I'm pretty sure Valentine had nothing to do with that little maneuver. We never told him where we were having dinner, and if his deer in the headlights expression was anything to go by, hurting you was the very last thing he wanted." Pulling in a slow breath, Tian offered a faint smile. Her own tension was sky high given the situations of the evening, but she offered simply, "I have two good ears. If you want to blister them, I can loan them to you."<br><br>

"Well," Vikki said with a breath of a laugh. She got everything transferred to the table and sat down. "Maybe bend them a little. But blister? Not my style."<br><br>

Tian's smile took a rueful edge. "I'm struggling not to succumb to paranoia these days," she told Vikki in a soft voice. "But I don't believe in coincidence. I think that whatever Val's lady friend wants, she'll tip her hand soon enough. In the meantime... what can I do to make things easier for you?"<br><br>

"You're doing it now, actually," Vikki admitted. She checked the tea, found it ready, and poured Tian's cup. "It's good to know that someone else doesn't think I was being unduly emotional about it in front of Val. I didn't think I was, but ...." She poured her own cup and set the teapot down. "I must have done something to give myself away to Mary Ann and I don't think the eggroll counts. And no, I don't think Val had anything to do with it, either."<br><br>

"''Ffffft''," Tian breathed out. Her expression offered understanding. "Your feelings are not exactly well hidden, Vikki. Subtlety comes with time and experience," she retorted gently.<br><br>

"Then I'd say the learning curve is pretty steep around here," Vikki said dryly. She sipped her tea and her eyes crinkled a smile over the rim of her cup. "The Verse is a tough grader."<br><br>

A soft laugh bubbled out of Tian as she picked up her cup to sip from it as well. "I suppose that has always been true," she admitted. "It doesn't seem to matter what exactly the lesson is, the Verse has a habit of not making things too simple for anyone. After all... what lesson would you learn from a life too easily lived?"<br><br>

Vikki sipped her tea again and frowned a little. The tea wasn't exactly pucker-y but … ''Hair shirt neither expected nor required, you''. She fetched the sugar and stirred a little into her cup. <br><br>

"My mom has a saying," Vikki said. "''A harsh teacher is kinder than a soft one''. Her life wasn't easy, given where she grew up. Where I grew up was an improvement over hers, but it wasn't perfect. People are people no matter where you go and wherever I went, most let me know that where I was from made me unacceptable. Hmm … How to put this?" <br><br>

Vikki sipped her tea and thought about it, then continued. <br><br>

"I suppose I've always had a foot in two worlds. Too smart. Not smart enough. Too clean. Not clean enough. Too poor. Not poor enough. School was the worst. Kids have no filter. Adults are more subtle about it. You have to grow a thick skin and a sharp eye or you won't survive. The trick is managing all that and not letting it kill you on the inside, you know? Toughen up to the hurt but retain your empathy. Don't care what they throw at you but still ''care'', see? I know I don't give that impression, but usually I can see it coming and avoid it. You grow up with people like that, you start learning when they're being nice for real and when they're being nice to hide the knife they're going to stab you with. Tonight, though, I didn't see it coming. I guess it's a measure of how safe I feel with you and the crew that I didn't think to keep my guard up." Catching the expression on Tian's face, she hastily added, "That's not the same thing as keeping my mouth shut. That follows a completely different protocol." <br><br>  

Tian smiled as she listened. "The brightest people are often afflicted with that, I think -- they desperately need to distance themselves because they do feel too much. I find it an immense compliment that you feel secure enough in our responses to you that you don't feel the need to put that distance in place. But I also see how it makes your heart ache when you look at him."<br><br>

 Tilting her head, Tian sipped her tea and then said, "I'm not your mother nor am I an expert on relationships, but may I offer you something to think about?"<br><br>

"Sure," Vikki said, leaning back with her cup cradled under her chin. "Please."<br><br>

"I see in you an immense capacity for caring, Vikki. You wouldn't be out here doing what we signed on to do if you didn't have that. If everything happens for a reason, then you we're put here on this ship to learn something. Perhaps it is in part to learn what you want out of a full relationship. Val is a good man, but since he doesn't feel the way you do... maybe look at all the things you like about him and save those for future reference. Use this chance to also learn what you don't want out of a relationship." She winked with a grin. "But absolutely take everyone's opinion on the matter with a teaspoon of salt, too."<br><br>

"No salt necessary. It's good advice." Vikki smiled softly over her cup at Tian. There was something about the older woman that reminded Vikki of her mother and yet the two women weren't that much alike. At least, not on the surface. Beneath, however, was another story. Vikki put that observation aside for later study.<br><br>

"I know what I want and what I don't want, actually," Vikki said. "There's just no knowing where the other guy falls on that scale. I need to finesse that part better. To be honest, I haven't been much interested in that part of my life until recently. I had other things I wanted more." <br><br>

She shook her head with a little eyeroll. "I was married to my studies and my work. Driven, even. Everything I've done so far has been to get ''out'' here, to make a positive difference, so I didn't spend much time on anything else. I didn't want to lose the chance. I didn't want to botch it by getting tangled up in conflicting loyalties, by taking my focus off the prize." Catching Tian's expression, Vikki hastily added. "I make it sound horrible. Like I was slaving away in a dungeon somewhere. It wasn't. I wasn't. I was fully engaged, happy and immersed in what I was doing. But now that I'm out here, with the stretches of nothing between ports and the project of years accomplished, I'm just ... I guess Valentine was the shiniest thing in front of me. So, being attracted, I looked and got hooked."<br><br>

Vikki sipped her tea and wrinkled her nose at Tian as if to say ''crazy, right?'' <br><br>

"Valentine is dreamy, no doubt, but sometimes dreams are supposed to exceed your grasp. Else what is Heaven for, you know?" She laughed softly, merriment in her eyes. "Geez, listen to me. Maybe we should spike the tea with something alcoholic. I don't think philosophy is a subject anyone should tackle sober." <br><br>  

Tian laughed softly. "I think we can simply leave it at that one. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and that you weren't kicking yourself too hard over the situation." She shrugged slightly. "What I said at the table still applies, though. Don't settle." She reached out and squeezed Vikki's forearm gently with a smile and then moved to stand. "If you ever need my ear, Vikki, you know where it is. The door's always open."<br><br>

"Hey." Vikki scrambled up and wrapped Tian in a hug. "You're not getting out of here ''that'' easily." She tightened her arms around the older woman and snugged her head on Tian's shoulder. As Tian was a full seven or eight inches shorter, Vikki had to bend over, but she did it anyway. "Thank you," she whispered, holding on for a long moment. Then: "You know that door goes both ways, right?"<br><br>



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