Editing ADVENTURE: "Wilmartha's Ghost" or "Smoked-Meat Dreams" (section)

==Action==
However, as Wally will tell any trainers who come to fight (i.e. the PC's),
he hasn't seen Wilmartha's ghost for a few months. He's getting worried
about her, but he can't enter the swirling eldritch maelstrom that haunts
the dreams of anyone spending a night in the smokehouse/gym, because
Professor Garden Peaslee is leading up to something really great in his
Introductory Advanced Reality-Warping Boolean Algebra (II) class. Wally
wants the cultists to take his Beef Jerkin, who can track its old owner
through the dreamworld. If the PC cultists will find out what's going on and
rescue Wilmartha, Wally will agree to duel with them for a Smokehouse Gym
Ham-Hax Glyph, which will be stenciled on a disk of cured pork and can be
used to flavor a pot of green beans. Also, if Wally either really likes or
really dislikes a particular cultist, he might let them keep an iteration of
Beef Jerkin as well... but only after they find Wilmartha!

Assuming the players agree, they fall asleep in the Smokehouse's relatively
smoked-meat-free utility closet and enter the swirling eldritch maelstrom in
their dreams. At this point the Owner should feel obligated to plunge them
into a nightmarish world where nothing is as it seems and reality itself is
subject to the slightest whim of the Owner... nothing they shouldn't already
be used to. After whatever amount of slogging around in the cultists'
dreamscapes as seems necessary and amusing, they will come across an entire
coven of grown-up Wizards and Witches, holding court in a memory of
Narkham's courthouse circa 1680. The coven has captured Wilmartha, who is
being indicted for improperly divulging Witch secrets to Wally! The
instigator of this proceeding is the coven leader, Jackeziah Mason, who is a
withered old crone with a thick Borscht Belt accent who constantly smokes a
huge cigar. The cultists can try to reason with the coven, but after
suffering enough of Jackeziah's Non-Euclidean insult humor and old Ulthar
Catskills jokes, the cultists will probably be ready for a big fight. Have
one Witch or Wizard oppose each cultist, with Mason as their leader. The
opposing forces will primarily use Non-Euclidean and Decomposing thulhu
(Jackeziah, for instance, uses a Tan Jenkin). If the cultists win, they can
grab Wilmartha and skedaddle back to the waking world. If they fail, the
indictment will proceed, and Wilmartha will be punished. She will have to
pay a small fine and promise not to do it again.

Of course, the cultists will be banished to a deserted section of the
Dreamlands, where they will have to put up with the bearded and finny
Gnorriega (a Panamanian amphibian former military strongman) and the flabby
Beings from Gibb, who sing old disco standards in really high-pitched
voices. This can go on as long as the Owner wants (or as long as the players
look like they'll put up with it) before they find their way back to their
bodies, which by this time will be hanging by their collars and getting
lightly smoked with a lovely apple/mesquite/Xiclotl wood chip blend. The
cultists will be unhurt, but they will smell really delicious for the next
few weeks (which means they're even more likely to be pestered or attacked
by hungry wild thulhu). Wally will apologize, but point out that when you
leave meat in a haunted smokehouse long enough you have to expect things
like that to happen...