Editing SGA 2007 Archive (section)

==Part 1==
: [[User:Shosuro Kando|Shosuro Kando]]:
: Marvin MacMalapert, bastard for hire<br>Got a note from the Lorax - he answered by wire<br>The note was quite simple, it said "Please meet me<br>Quite near to the stump of a truffula tree."

: Marvin spit grickle grass out of his gob<br>But thinking about it, he needed a job<br>His rent had would come due soon, and business was slow<br>And provisions of Barbaloot whiskey were low!

: So Marvin set off for his stump rendezvous<br>at the edge of the forest where trees were now few<br>He got to the place, but then squinted to see<br>The whole of a Seussian thug company!

: The psychotic Yertle known as Cara Pace<br>Who's Moseymotiller lost many a race<br>And sweet Cindy Lou Who, a killer at heart<br>With ornament-fu, she took people apart!

: There was Fokker McScud, who's razor sharp beak<br>Unspeakable mayhem and havoc would wreak<br>Little Frolicia Fay O' Friskle with darts<br>Could poison her enemies, then stop their hearts.

: And Piquod Picaroon, a pirate so cruel<br>He killed off his crew with tyrannical rule<br>The serial killer who was called Sam-I-Am<br>Who ate all his victims, with green eggs and ham

: And puffing a bong by a truffula tree<br>The worstest of all by a factor of three<br>There was Sonceler Onceler, who's wicked machines<br>Would torture his victims, then rip out their spleens!

: "Holy shit!" exclaimed Marvin, as dread filled his guts<br>"I thought I was hardcase, but these guys are nuts!<br>The lorax is crazy to hire this crew<br>I think he's been huffing some trufflula glue!"

: But prior to Marvin just dumping the lot<br>The Lorax appeared on his specified spot<br>His pug ugly mug wrinkled into a frown<br>And he told how the Oncelers were cutting trees down

: The Lorax explained that he spoke for the trees<br>(And Marvin, aghast, covered up with a sneeze)<br>The trees wanted killers, the Lorax then said<br>To bust a fat cap in the Onceler's dumb head!

: Marvin (who'd been planning to get himself gone)<br>Realized he was stuck cuz the hit was now on!<br>If he tried to leave now, he knew for a fact<br>This mob of stone killers would just have him whacked.

: He turned to the Lorax to ask about pay<br>And discovered the lard ass had faded away<br>Apparently thinking his crew'd do the thing<br>Without even getting a taste of some bling!

: His snubulous popper he loaded with care<br>Then climbed up a Truffula tree that was there<br>If he made a false move he was sure he was dead<br>So he drank himself into a stupor instead.

: The very next morning the carnage was started<br>before the last dew of the night time departed<br>The Truffula choppers arrived to chop trees<br>but were killed by the group with the greatest of ease

: The Oncelers died screaming, and some tried to flee<br>Their luck it was bad, their escape not to be.<br>Mangled or stabbed, strangled, poisoned or shot<br>The group spared not one of the Oncelery lot.

: A few drove away with mechanical speed<br>And called out the watch to take care of their need.<br>The watch sent out Oncelers with badges of tin<br>And butterfly nets to catch criminals in.

: Meanwhile Sonceler Onceler had taken the gear<br>The Oncelers were using the forest to clear<br>And had mashed it all up to create a new thingy<br>A mechanical Onceler eviscera-dinghy!

: The cops then approached with their nets held up high<br>And almost at once they all started to die.<br>Just one Onceler was spared, the rest napped in dirt<br>Not one of the murderous party was hurt.

: Marvin MacMalapert went through it all<br>Discovered he isn't a bastard at all<br>He thought of himself as cold-hearted and mean<br>He'll have nightmares for years now, from all that he's seen.

: And though he has never been truly devout<br>He prays to Doc Seuss now to just get him out!

: Because these guys are CRAZY!
: &nbsp;
: [[User:Mechante Anemone|Mechante Anemone]]: Cindy Lou Who, Pequod Picaroon the Humming Fish, Marvin MacMalapert the Star-Bellied Sneech, Sam I Am the Who, Cara Pace the Yertle, Fokker McScud the Swomee Swan, Frolicia Fay O'Friskle the Brown Bar-ba-loot, and Son-celer the Once-ler traitor came to the Super Secret Ecoterrorist Camp to fight the Once-ler deforesting the land.  They were about to give up when finally, just as the sun was setting, the Lorax appeared on a stump, with a mighty "Gazompf!"

: He looked around and seeing no mighty army but a rag-tag band of idealists, loafers or mercenaries, frowned.  Since they did not have an army, he said, they would have to spy on the enemy and use cunning tactics.  They must go find out what the Once-lers' weaknesses were!  Then he disappeared as suddenly as he had appeared.  It was dark, so Fokker and Pequod's effort to scout were fruitless. 

: It was during Cindy Lou Who's watch that a rumbling sound was heard to the north.  Frolicia recognized it as the sound of the big machines that destroyed the truffula tree forests!  The eight ecoterrorists went to look for the source of the noise.  Sneaking over the last hill, they saw the axiswhatsis, a whirling circular machine whose twirling axes chomped on truffula tree trunks as they spun. 

: Marvin took aim and winged the Once-ler piloting the mechanical monster; Cara charged in her moseymotiller, and Sam I Am swung form a truffula tree into the Once-ler's turret.  Then there was the contraption built by Son-celer Once-ler to battle the axiswhatsis &mdash; it was a thing or terror and truffula trunks!

: At Pequod's suggestion -- he had seen similar contraptions on whalers, he said -- little Frolicia snuck under the axiswhatsis and climbed aboard through a hatch.  She blew a poisoned dart at the Once-ler and he collapsed!  The ecoterrrorists seized control of the axiswhatsis.  Pequod was able to pilot the machine, if gingerly. 

: While they were discussing whether to sneak in or destroy the equipment, they spotted another rumble.  Fokker, Marvin and Sam went to scout, and found another machine, a loggamajammer picking up truffula tufts felled by the axiswhatsis.  They charged it!  Cara, with passengers Cindy and Son-celer, rushed in behind.  They brutally killed the Once-ler pilot. 

: As they were commandeering the second machine, they suddenly realized that three more loggamajammers were coming over the hill!  But Cindy Lou Who got on the radio and completely confused the Once-lers, assuring them that everything was fine.  Once the other loggamajammers were gone, the team decided to destroy the captured loggamajammers and continue toward the Once-ler HQ with the axiswhatsis and Cara's moseymotiller.

: They met with six large Once-lers armed with butterfly nets (scary, huh?); the Once-ler tried to capture a prisoners.  The ensuing carnage was frightful.  Cindy Lou Who and Fokker McScud, in particular, dealt death to numerous Once-lers.  One managed to escape, but one was captured and interrogated by Fokker (covered in the blood of the other Once-lers.)  The prisoner said that after receiving a confusing message, the Once-lers had suspected an ecoterrorist attack and were trying to gain intelligence of enemy activity by capturing one of the Lorax's allies.

: Sneaking and learning things and cunning tactics? So much for that idea.  Hey there, diddle diddle, straight up through the middle.

* '''Some of the best quotes:'''
** "You're not Sam, you're [[Wikipedia:Son of Sam|Son of Sam]]!"  &mdash; Marvin/Edmund to Sam/Taylor.
** "He's a pilot fish!" &mdash; Marvin/Edmund and Frolicia/Sophie, when Pequod took control of the axiswhatsis.
** "I will serve you green eggs and ham!"  &mdash; Sam/Taylor
** "You're a mean one!" &mdash; Cindy/Meg, smashing a Once-ler to smithereens with her Christmas ornament.