Editing Carl Ellis July 1928 - Diary

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'''''Monday, 2 July 1928; 8:00 pm - ''''' <br><br>
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''Monday, 2 July 1928; 8:00 pm - '' <br><br>
 
Once again I am filled with the excitement of new things and discovery.  Carl is here; we have spent hours now, planning and discussing.  I think he understands!  Truly I think so -- it has been fascinating and invigorating.  And together we have been able to probe into my inner self and look at the mysterious "knothole".  It exists still -- more, it has grown!  Amazing, wonderful! SOMETHING is happening; and I think, I HOPE, that I know what it is.  It must be connected with the vision.  The thing that beckons, in its awesome simplicity.  Is this a thing that Pierre knew?  <br><br>
 
Once again I am filled with the excitement of new things and discovery.  Carl is here; we have spent hours now, planning and discussing.  I think he understands!  Truly I think so -- it has been fascinating and invigorating.  And together we have been able to probe into my inner self and look at the mysterious "knothole".  It exists still -- more, it has grown!  Amazing, wonderful! SOMETHING is happening; and I think, I HOPE, that I know what it is.  It must be connected with the vision.  The thing that beckons, in its awesome simplicity.  Is this a thing that Pierre knew?  <br><br>
 
Over the next week or two, Carl is going to help Julian learn some basic skills.  Not many -- just the survival touches like screening, mindspeech, monnitoring, and simple scans.<br><br>
 
Over the next week or two, Carl is going to help Julian learn some basic skills.  Not many -- just the survival touches like screening, mindspeech, monnitoring, and simple scans.<br><br>
 
I have asked Zigfried if he might consent to coming to Stockton for a day or two soon to help Maddy and Byron, but there has been no reply.  This is bad -- for now I learn that an expedition is forming to Africa -- perhaps to Abydos, though I hope not!  which Maddy wishes to join.  If she goes things will be rough on both her and Martin -- because of the Touch between them.  I shall wire him tonight!  He must come -- I hope he will come.  There is too much at stake.<br><br>
 
I have asked Zigfried if he might consent to coming to Stockton for a day or two soon to help Maddy and Byron, but there has been no reply.  This is bad -- for now I learn that an expedition is forming to Africa -- perhaps to Abydos, though I hope not!  which Maddy wishes to join.  If she goes things will be rough on both her and Martin -- because of the Touch between them.  I shall wire him tonight!  He must come -- I hope he will come.  There is too much at stake.<br><br>
 
(Later) He is coming, on the Sixth.  Maddy and Byron will rail out for the weekend; perhaps the six of us can solve some of these problems.<br><br>
 
(Later) He is coming, on the Sixth.  Maddy and Byron will rail out for the weekend; perhaps the six of us can solve some of these problems.<br><br>
'''''Friday, 6 July 1928; 1:15 am - ''''' <br><br>
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''Friday, 6 July 1928; 1:15 am - '' <br><br>
 
Julian has gone to the Estate to get Zigfried.  They will return in the morning.  The other two got here this afternoon; we spent hours talking; Maddy brought a cheesecake.  How nice to be simply sociable again, at least for a time!<br><br>
 
Julian has gone to the Estate to get Zigfried.  They will return in the morning.  The other two got here this afternoon; we spent hours talking; Maddy brought a cheesecake.  How nice to be simply sociable again, at least for a time!<br><br>
 
Dear Maddy.  Really, I wish she did not wish to go away -- there is so much to learn, sto share!  She says that since our last talk she has developed a sort of meditative trance-state in which she reaches out and touches ... SOMETHING.  What? We do not know; and if ''she'' cannot describe it, how can we possibly hope to understand?<br><br>
 
Dear Maddy.  Really, I wish she did not wish to go away -- there is so much to learn, sto share!  She says that since our last talk she has developed a sort of meditative trance-state in which she reaches out and touches ... SOMETHING.  What? We do not know; and if ''she'' cannot describe it, how can we possibly hope to understand?<br><br>
 
Tired now -- must get up early for their return.<br><br>
 
Tired now -- must get up early for their return.<br><br>
'''''3:45 pm - (the next day?)''<br><br>'''
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''3:45 pm - (the next day?)''<br><br>
 
Wonders never cease.  I am surer than ever of this now!  They may seem to, but they do not....<br><br>
 
Wonders never cease.  I am surer than ever of this now!  They may seem to, but they do not....<br><br>
 
The others arrived before seven o'clock.  I saw them in, and we settled them, then I returned to sleep.  Zigfried has a beard now and is thinner, I think; but the biggest difference is inside.  There is a stillness about him now, a gentle deliberation in his speech and his movements that is slightly uncanny.  And his eyes -- they look beyond and through one in a way I cannot explain or describe.  At times he simply stops whatever he was doing and fades away, lost in a vision of the mundane and the wondrous that only he sees.  What is happening to him?  I do not know; somehow I find myself reluctant to simply ask.  It is too personal.<br><br>
 
The others arrived before seven o'clock.  I saw them in, and we settled them, then I returned to sleep.  Zigfried has a beard now and is thinner, I think; but the biggest difference is inside.  There is a stillness about him now, a gentle deliberation in his speech and his movements that is slightly uncanny.  And his eyes -- they look beyond and through one in a way I cannot explain or describe.  At times he simply stops whatever he was doing and fades away, lost in a vision of the mundane and the wondrous that only he sees.  What is happening to him?  I do not know; somehow I find myself reluctant to simply ask.  It is too personal.<br><br>
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And Zigfried's -- what of him?  The loss of his wife and balance has changed him certainly, but is that all I see?  He is growing and changing, true.  But this new thing -- is it the change of the priest growing near to his God?  Or has he passed another hurdle and begun attaining the next level of psychic growth?  Is that possible, without a Balance, or has he somehow TAKEN his God and People as the other half of his Whole?  Again -- I cannot ask.<br><br>
 
And Zigfried's -- what of him?  The loss of his wife and balance has changed him certainly, but is that all I see?  He is growing and changing, true.  But this new thing -- is it the change of the priest growing near to his God?  Or has he passed another hurdle and begun attaining the next level of psychic growth?  Is that possible, without a Balance, or has he somehow TAKEN his God and People as the other half of his Whole?  Again -- I cannot ask.<br><br>
 
So many questions, and no means to answer.  Alas!  I wonder what Mr. Martin thinks of all of this -- of all of US?  He remains very silent so far.<br><br>
 
So many questions, and no means to answer.  Alas!  I wonder what Mr. Martin thinks of all of this -- of all of US?  He remains very silent so far.<br><br>
'''''Sunday, 8 July 1928; 8:00 pm - ''''' <br><br>
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''Sunday, 8 July 1928; 8:00 pm - '' <br><br>
 
They are gone again. Maddy to pack for her trip East, Byron back to work, Zigfried to the Estate and his patient.  A weekend full of revelation and mysteries; yet more frustrating than enlightening, I think.  In particular I wish I had had more chance to speak personally to the two men:  Zigfried because I have come to admire him in many ways, yet still he seems like such a stranger to me even though he calls me friend.  This should not be; I do not desire the distance between us.  And as for Byron, I simply do not know him so how can he know me?  Somehow I feel that I have given him short-shrift.  He is deserving of more from us than merely a "howdy and a handshake."  Also, in him I see an acute perception and humor but also a distrust.  Is that surprising?  No; he has never had anything good come of his involvement with the Occult; why should I and mine be any different?  If I am to convince him of my own goodness and sincerity we must speak further.  Thank heavens the Tsin is in no danger from Stone!  At least that is one nightmare over which I need no longer lose sleep.<br><br>
 
They are gone again. Maddy to pack for her trip East, Byron back to work, Zigfried to the Estate and his patient.  A weekend full of revelation and mysteries; yet more frustrating than enlightening, I think.  In particular I wish I had had more chance to speak personally to the two men:  Zigfried because I have come to admire him in many ways, yet still he seems like such a stranger to me even though he calls me friend.  This should not be; I do not desire the distance between us.  And as for Byron, I simply do not know him so how can he know me?  Somehow I feel that I have given him short-shrift.  He is deserving of more from us than merely a "howdy and a handshake."  Also, in him I see an acute perception and humor but also a distrust.  Is that surprising?  No; he has never had anything good come of his involvement with the Occult; why should I and mine be any different?  If I am to convince him of my own goodness and sincerity we must speak further.  Thank heavens the Tsin is in no danger from Stone!  At least that is one nightmare over which I need no longer lose sleep.<br><br>
 
So, we are once again three:  two Carls and a Julian.  Testing of the four Matrices was inconclusive; although the Power-flux is clearly being filtered for some quality, Emerson did not have the necessary precision or perceptive acuity to figure out ''what'' was being selected for.  I could, I suppose, build more of these; but why?  What do they signify?  Enigma still.<br><br>
 
So, we are once again three:  two Carls and a Julian.  Testing of the four Matrices was inconclusive; although the Power-flux is clearly being filtered for some quality, Emerson did not have the necessary precision or perceptive acuity to figure out ''what'' was being selected for.  I could, I suppose, build more of these; but why?  What do they signify?  Enigma still.<br><br>

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