Editing Forgotten Freedom:52

[[Forgotten_Freedom:51|Last Plot]] -- [[Forgotten_Freedom:Plot_Lines|Plot Line Home]] -- [[Forgotten_Freedom:53|Next Plot]]

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After a few moments, Kanatash breaks off his hug with Volrath and looks grim.

'''Kanatash''': Volrath, do you think you can handle Azathoth alone?

'''Volrath''': I believe so but why do you ask, uncle?  Where are you going?

'''Kanatash''': Azathoth is powerful no doubt, but even he will not be enough to fully stem the tide, I fear.  It simply isn't enough.  You know what that means.

'''Volrath''': NO!  Please don't do it, uncle!  There must be another way!

'''Kanatash''': Perhaps but we do not have the time to search for another way.  You must direct Azathoth into battle alone, and I will do what must be done.  Before I go I would just like to say you have been like a son to me and I ask you to remember the good times.  Goodby.

Kanatash teleports out of the room while Volrath stands where he was.  A single tear runs down his face and he leads Azathoth from the room.

----
Kanatash reappears in the middle of an extradimensional holding cell.  Bellow him an innumerable purple-haired Kalashtar swarm.

'''Crystals''': YEAH, LIKE ITS KANATASH!!!

'''Kanatash''': Yes, yes, its me.  I have a deal to propose to you.  (opening a viewing rift to the battle) You see those creatures the crew is fighting?  If you go and fight them then after they are all dead I, I, I... (takes a deep breath) I will allow you all one hour of unrestricted access to me.

'''Crystals''': LIKE, DEAL!

Kanatash rips a hole in space leading onto the battlefield and millions of Crystals swarm onto the field.  They begin using their psychic abilities and sheer numbers to tear appart their foes.  They particularly enjoy dominating the mind of one to turn it against the others.  C'tan should almost certainly be immune to this tactic but as luck would have it no one informed the Crystals of this.  Kanatash stands on a high bluff watching the battle while gateing in horrors from Xoriat and using Baleful Teleport on any C'tan which comes too close.

'''Kanatash''': (sigh) I'm suddenly looking forward to winning this battle a lot less.  I just hope the Crystals will be enough.

----
Terra looks upon the battlefield, trapped into the defense of her part of the line. The moment she lets down her guard, the C'tan leaders will strike. Yet, she could not simply sit and watch as her friends were worn down by the relentless assault. Out of the corner of her eye, a mass of purple decends upon the enemy line. The high pitched screeching regarding Kanatash confirms the direness of the situation.

'''Terra''': I hate to use them untested, but now is not the time to be stingy...

Opening up several large extradimensional portals in the air around her, Terra summons the fruits of her, Tifa's, and Caralot's breeding program. From the portals, giant chocobos erupt in a fury of demonic power. Unfurling their wings, they soar toward the enemy, raining death upon the hordes. Fire, ice, acid, and lightning pour from their mouths, decimating swaths of the C'tan forces. The C'tan leaders shower them with spells, but they show little damage thanks to their innate magical resistance.

'''Terra''': They seem to be further along than I had expected...

'''Giant Demonic Chocobos''': '''WAAAAAARK OF DOOOOOMM!!!!'''

----
Nalfein awakens after a long sleep. He gets up, testing his now healed leg, then picks the Book of the Stilled Tongue off the pedestal.

'''Nalfein''': Finally! Volrath should be happy. Now to return to Eberron!

Nalfein thinks for a moment, then...

'''Nalfein''': Which I have no idea how to do...

----
As Volrath prepares to leave the ship with Azathoth, Cuddles comes up behind him.

'''Cuddles''': Where do you think you're going? You still need to bring Nalfein back...

'''Volrath''': Bring him back...?

'''Cuddles''': You didn't...

'''Volrath''': Uh-oh...

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After realizing he is trapped in Greyhawk with no way of return, Nalfein is running in small circles around the pedestal, screaming at the top of his lungs.

'''Nalfein''': AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Volrath is currently two feet off the ground, his cloak in Cuddles' jaws.

'''Cuddles''': (growling) 'ring hign gnak gnow...

'''Volrath''': Okay, OKAY!!! Just let me down!

Returning quickly to the room he sent Nalfein from, Volrath reactivates the sigil. A portal opens up, and a screaming Nalfein runs through. Unaware of his current situation, he continues running in circles, this time around Volrath. 

'''Nalfein''': [SIZE=5]AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!![/SIZE]

After a few moments, Cuddles picks him up, his legs still flailing wildly underneath him. Volrath slaps him silly.

'''Volrath''': GET IT TOGETHER, MAN!!!

'''Nalfein''': You left me there!!!

'''Volrath''': (looks at Cuddles) How many times can I say 'my bad'?

'''Nalfein''': Whatever. So, what've I missed?

Volrath stares at him, unable to decide where to begin. During the commotion, none of them notice a shadow pass through the portal as it closes...

----
Strange shadow moves accross the FF, ... and gets jumped by a rather irked Satnak.

'''Satnak''': No. Time. For. This. *gut punch* Now stay down until we settle this first. okay?

-----
Satnak: (inner monolouge)

This is serious.

I can't hold back anymore.

I can't keep hiding it.

Its time.

They've earned the truth many times over.

I can't call them my family if I don't.

Levy help me, this is gonna suck.

A glamour drops, revealing a left arm that seems almost normal. Except for the Blue tattoo that looks like a sea dragon swallowing Satnak's arm starting at the fingers, and the head working its way up the elbow. Her armor is now a perfect custom fit with energy channels inlaid and strange alloys making up its construction. The new model lacks helmet or gauntlets, but it does have a new flexible cloth-like layer visible under the shrunken plates which have pulled away from the joints. 

----
Satnak exits the ship (cue dramatic butt-kicking music), her new look is remarked upon and a wave of fear rolls through the more knowledgeable crew. The only way Satnak would have regenerated her old arm was if she was a lot more capable than advertised, and believed herself more dangerous with her own hands.

Sa'vor: If I weren't desperate I'd be very afraid.

Satnak: This is one Levy taught me herself. It's called the "Impossible Combo 3". 

Satnak leaps into the C'tan formation and grabs one of the leaders. She swings it about like a gith-yanki with a silver sword. As she wields the sad creature she forces her energies through it, burning out its mind and power structure. Now its form is hers to command, an enormous ribbon of liquid metal richochets throuh the C'tan ranks, infecting each new target with Satnak's commands. Once enough are linked, she channels the whole lot into an astral construct in the form of a great serpent. The monster then rips the majority of the enemy stronghold right out of the ground. For the first in a long time, Slip sees the sky as her ceiling is ripped away.

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(Sa'vor hovers above his legions shouting orders and blasting any C'tan lords that come into his range. he reaches out with his mind across the C'tan's hordes, the tide was stemming. Sa'vor smiled, time to turn the tables)
Sa'vor: Advance forward foot legions, pike and spear in front, Sword behind. Skirmishers, Chariots and Mounted warriors on the flanks. Spell casters and healers in the middle. *telepathicaly to the artillery behind the armies* Open fire on the fortress, we'll force them to retreat. 

(The armies do as commanded, and they begin to march forwards at a pace faster than the C'tan, their mobile magical shields repelling the magic hurled at them. the C'tan continue to advance and the two armies clash; the C'tan lacking in mounted units or skirmishers are caught off-guard by the hit and run attacks on the flanks. the move forwards to attempt to attack but the long pikes either skewer them or they're cut apart by the pike ranks swordsmen. the  archers advance up the flanks and take higher ground, then they unleash barrages of arrows and bolts at the enemies' backs.  Sa'vor signalled for the artillery to stop, he couldn't risk killing Slip. Sa'vor dropped to the ground in frong of the pike men and summoned his mind blades, these two small Kama-like blades moved with lightning speed as Sa'vor practiced his ancient combat techniques mixed in with martial arts. the C'tan were cut apart before him as he drove his legion in a spearhead shape, forcing the C'tan to part to allow him through. then with a signal of a hand, Feal-Thas took charge and Sa'vor took flight once again, this time towards the fortress.  The Spearhead parted and formed two equal parts, now the C'tan were being attacked from all sides.) 

(Anubis, Lord of all C'tan, looked on. his liquid metal body was the colour of ebony, his jackal head stared down at his horde in disjust, Defeated they would be soon. He felt Sa'vor approaching. Soon, his master, the great Bel-Shammaroth, Devourer of Stars, Soul eater.  would be allowed into this world, and he would be a god! it was then the door exploded, Anubis looked through the clearing smoke to see, Slip standing there, in her left hand a Glittering mindblade pulsed gently) 

Anubis: So you have come to slay me? 

'''Slip''': what happened to the priests? 

'''Anubis''': they were no longer required, once they taught us how to create living metal and the Necrodermis in which we were housed. they were consumed and their energy added to that required to bring Bel Shammaroth into this realm. the fools really thought that We, the C'tan, would grant them power! they were mere cattle to us.

'''Slip''': well, your plans end here. Sa'vor's coming soon, and before then you'll be dead. 

'''Anubis''': such assumptions made by such a puny mortal. my, that is quite surprising. well, I don't want to disappoint you, but... (Unleashes a wave of flame that consumes Slip)  I have work to do.

(Anubis felt a Horrible pain in his back, he turned and brought his arm round in a sweeping arc, it passed through air.  a mocking laugh erupted from the shadows at his right) 

'''Slip''': you really thought i'd be stupid enough to just WALK in here? no, it was merely a mirror image.

(Anubis slowly drew on his power and struck out to his left, guessing that she would be using ventriloquism to confuse him. another sharp pain, this time erupted in his lower back. Anubis doubled over in pain, then he reached out with his senses and detected her life force and magical signature. he struck out suddenly, catching her off-guard. it was then that a huge forty-foot statue toppled on top of Anubis, the work of his repeated blasts in that area. Anubis felt his necrodermis breach, and his essence flow out. well, there was one thing he could do. he placed his essence into the rift that was required to bring forth Bel Shammaroth. The portal began to slowly open)

----
'''Satnak''' - Slip, get out of here, this is my fight now.

'''Slip''' - No way you can take that alone.

'''Satnak''' - My sister was ten times the threat this cretin poses, no one of any real power would be held by such pathetic seals as these. I didn't spend 10 years training under the Dragons of Heart and Mind to lose to this putz. The time for trinkets is over; I refuse to fail my family again. My name is Satnak, and I will destroy this weakling.

----
'''THE VOICE''': I HAVE AN IDEA.

'''Random Entity from Non-existence''': Let's hear it.

THE VOICE whispers.

'''Crow''': :OMG! 

'''Silver''': That's insane.

'''Crow''': More than usual.

'''Silver''': Kanatash bringing out the Crystals wasn't nearly that bad.

'''Crow''': Satnak will never forgive us.

'''Everyone''':  :devil: 

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Silver appears above the battle now in her god form, the many-headed snake with heads in a starfish pattern, her wings vibrating.  Millions of crows flew out, some to the remains on the battlefield, and some to the side of the Forgotten Freedom.  The crows from the ship deposit something in one of Silver's mouths, the other stick bits of dead flesh into her necks.

'''Jarlot''': Ugh.  That's seriously disgusting—

Silver's necks disgorge their contents: hundreds of different kinds of Jarlots.  Batman, Chuck Jarlot, Samurai Jarlot, Spider Jarlot, Han Jarlot, Jarlot Sparrow, etc.  The C'tan screech and flee from the dreadful clichés and stunning effectiveness of the Alt-Jarlots.

'''Jarlot''': Even I think that's just wrong.

'''Crow''': Hey, look on the bright side.  Keanu Jarlot is banned by the Geneva conventions.

'''Satnak''': Those alt-J's aren't plot devices anymore. They're just overused, nobody does anything with them except whine about how I shouldn't smush em. Can we get back to Slip hightailing it out of here and Bel's big reveal so I can trounce it?

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Within Volrath's legions march Thranish citizens, some sans skin. They walk forward, completely ignoring the C'tan battalion rushing at them. Just as the C'tan begin to close in, those Thranes without skin burst open. From them fly hundreds of neogi larvae; who rip and tear the C'tan soldiers. Those with skin merely hold up their hands. Their hands erupt in blasts of electricity, arcing out and striking the C'tan. With each blast more and more of their flesh is torn off, to reveal Ketler brand Terminators™. The C'tan turn and attempt to retreat, only to find themselves facing a platoon of Sa'vor's half-dragons. A massacre ensues.

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Seeing the battle is turning in their favor, Kanatash teleports away from his post on top of a bluff into the castle where Slip and Satnak are.

'''Kanatash''': By the way, Satnak, if you are so confident about your ability to defeat this Bel-Shammaroth being, would you terribly mind taking it alive for me?  I've never had the opportunity to break a god before.

'''Slip''': Wait a second, how do you know about all that?  You weren't around to hear any of our conversations and I know you haven't been reading our minds.

'''Kanatash''': Instinctive plot knowledge.  It comes from being so crazy that my mind transcends the bounds of causality.

'''Satnak''': I make no promises, but if you can promise not to let it get out and mess the carpets or something. Plus you're on your own for binding it, but if it stops struggling I'll try not to kill it.

'''Kanatash''': Don't worry, if you can take it alive and give it a few zorches to suppress its more impressive abilities I can take it from there and I have a truely twisted fate prepared for it. :evillaugh

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Bolt-Tooth Tony climbs up on deck, carrying a spear spikard. He lays it on the railing and lines up for a shot. Just as he begins to pull the trigger, another blast erupts from Ketler's big gun. This forces BT's spikard up, and his shoot arcs into the air.

'''Bolt-Tooth Tony''': Damn it, Ketler! Want me before you shoot that thing!

'''Ketler''': Sorry!

Bolt-Tooth Tony again lines up for a shot, and sends a bolt ripping through a C'tan.

'''Bolt-Tooth Tony''': Still got it.

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On the front lines.

'''Silence''': Ow that ***** pulled my earrings.   B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-***** SLAP 

Offending C'tan is now a handprint... in the sky?

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The infiltrating C'tan are systematically searching the ship for any crewmembers.  One of them walks in on Hoybee, who's still trying to decide on what spells to prepare for battle.

'''Hoybee''': Let's see, I should have at least one message for an emergency…

He has his back to the C'tan, and doesn't notice it ready to fire a blast.

Hoybee reads some weird words.  The C'tan turns into a rotary-dial telephone.

'''Hoybee''': No, wait, I think I read this part wrong…

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Silence is listening to loud emo music in her corner of the hold, so she doesn't notice the two C'tan sneaking up on her.

The two C'tan get within hearing range.

The music is Silence singing Devon's poetry. :devil:

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Hoybee reads the words again.  The C'tan turns from a goat into a porcelain toilet.

'''Hoybee''': Nope, still not right.

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Little Old Dwarf Lady (aka Martha Greyholm): …and in my day we made our own clothes, of course that was back in the day when you could get decent fabric for only 1 cp, we knew about fashion back then, not like kids today… 

C'tan: (completely immobilized with boredom)

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'''Hoybee''': Fiftieth times the charm.

The now the lady's hat with the stuffed duck on top changes into a kitten.

Aljihazi passes the door.  He comes back.  He looks at the kitten.

The kitten sees the look in his eyes.

'''Kitten''': Aw, :censored: !

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Klaz stands before two C'tan, speaking to the camera held by Vrin. The creatures stand dumbfounded at Klaz's incomprehensible accent and lack of common sense.

'''Klaz''': Now then, ladies an' gents. These 'ere are C'tan. These babies ah right nasty creatures that'll suck tha lifeforce right outta ya. This one 'ere's a beaut, in't she?

'''C'tan 1''': Um, I happen to be male...

'''Klaz''': Crickey! You jus' got a real treat theah, folks. Few 'ave eva 'eard one o' these killing machines speak an' live to tell tha tale!

'''C'tan 2''': What is wrong with you, fleshbag?! We are the scourge of the living, borne of a terror from the depths of existance! We are to be feared, not admired!

'''Klaz''': (ignoring him) Now, don' try this at 'ome, folks. I'm a professional, and theahfo', completely out o' me mind.

He walks slowly up to one of the C'tan and reaches out to touch it. The floor below them suddenly gives way, and they fall into a large pit of spikes. They perce the creature's necromdermis', causing them to disintegrate.

'''Roosevelt''': Gods, I love my job. :devil:

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'''Y/R/P''': We're trapped /why did we have to raid the kitchen before/ heading to the safe zone like mommy said.

C'tan forces have flanked the 3 sisters in a narrow corridor.

'''Y/R/P''': This is/ gonna/ hurt

'''Sakura''': *Cherry Berry Thunder Kick* I've opened a way through, let's go.

'''Y/R/P''': You really/ saved our / hides back there.

'''Sakura''': No problem (grins)

'''Y/R/P''':  :love:

----
Later in the Lab, Volrath and Kanatash are examining the remains of the C’tan that have died in the battle so far.

'''Volrath''': Hey Uncle!

'''Kanatash''': Mmmm?

'''Volrath''': Look what I found in the big metallo-snakey thing’s guts! * hoists up a slightly dissolved book*

'''Kanatash''': Maybe it was a Bibliovore?

'''Volrath''': Nah... I found evidence  that it was a true omnivore. I mean it ate one of my aberrations, which ended up killing it, but still...

'''Kanatash''': So, what book is it?

'''Volrath ''': I don’t know. The cover is illegible thanks to the gastric acid, and I haven’t opened it yet because it might be trapped.

'''Kanatash''': Showing good, healthy paranoia. Disenchant it and find out.

'''Volrath''': *Mord’s Dysjunction*

Volrath flips to the end and stops for a second and laughs

'''Volrath''': HeehehehhahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Uncle, you simply must read this!

----
This is the last will and testament of Ishmael, the redshirt. As I sit here, my tentacles are slowly melting into the stomach acids of this dying beast, broken, writing that someone may one day know the circumstances of my death.

I was lurking outside Sakura’s room, hoping for a glimpse of her, when the battle broke out. I know not why we fought, but I killed that I could survive. Our enemies were strange, metallic skeletons and godlike beings of immense power. They appeared to have some form of regeneration, because the skeletons tended to get back up after they were dead. The godlike ones were of all different shapes and abilities.

We survived the first wave, but were losing badly when the second came along; They just kept coming. I had all of my attack spells, oils, and potions. I even scrounged for a sword I could use. I did all I could, but there were too many of them. Then a strange soothing, liquid feeling fell over the remaining defenders,  and the tides turned to balance. We got some new magic from those on the ship, as well. I assume it was Ketler who creating the lightning generator and blew apart a large part of the enemy force, as well as a large part of ours. Frankly, he’s the only one who’s stupid enough to try something like that. Ajihazi was supposed to be our field commander, but he had a philosophical discussion with his pink elephants, and Michael was his second in command, but was so drunk that he was calling for Doog to help him with his fly. It was aparently stuck.

Only myself, the Phollies, and twenty of the other redshirts were left out of my comrades, discluding the leaders, though comrades is far too kind a word for these scum. I’d made a small place we could hide against the next wave.  Let the Forgotten Freedom deal with its own messes. The redshirts have enough on their hands just surviving. I could even see the next wave, but then I heard singing, like angels, coming from across the battlefield. My left intestine is beginning to smolder; I do not have long.

Sakura was singing and playing hopscotch among the fallen. It may not have been hopscotch, but that isn’t the point. The point was that the next wave had arrived. We defended the oblivious maiden from her doom, but alas it was all too weak. One of the god-beings, a gigantic metallic serpent was staring down at her, as one would stare at a pork pie. 

I, not even thinking, jumped between them as the snake began to attempt to eat that perfect, divine child. Sakura was asking the abomination where the captain was.

I can recall her last words to me. She poked me and laughed. She said “It’s just like Jell-O! Hey, can I call you ‘Mister Jell-O-ee’? Please?” I turned one of my eyestalks toward her, and winked as the giant serpent closed its jaws around me.  In a frantic attempt to survive, I jabbed my sword on the edge of the horror’s throat. The muscle action pulled me and my sword down , slitting the things neck into ribbons.

And now, I lie dissolving, a god’s last snack. Goodbye fair reader, may the fates be kinder to you than they have been to me. Farewell, cruel world!
~Ishmael

----
'''Volrath''': Pretty funny, eh?

Kanatash is rolling on the ceiling with laughter. He finally comes down after a few minutes

'''Kanatash''': I needed that. Wait, is the aberration's corpse still there?

'''Volrath''': *checks* Yep. Why do you ask? I mean, it’s pretty dead and all.

'''Kanatash''': Hmmm... could have sworn I felt a plot device waft in. Normally I can smell those a universe away.

'''Volrath''': But... Uncle, plot devices happen to important people, like us. Are you feeling all right?

'''Kanatash''': Yeah, you’re right; after all, it was only a redshirt.

The END

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Allen's Log, Journeydate 14

I've been trying to figure out what the artifact I found does, but nothing seemed to work...  Today, I thought about my childhood.  Ah, the days of my youth, like the smell of fresh lemon.  I remember back when I became the first Artificer ever...  But then those young upstart Mi-Go dudes came up out of nowhere, and created things I probably wouldn't have even thought of.  But then they blew themselves up with one of them.  Perhaps their short lives gave them their incredible thirst for knowledge, that they wanted to fit into a 100 year life what would take 1000 years to accomplish normally.  These mortals always seem to have the jump on us immortals.  And the mortals these days, thinking that just because you're a vampire you are afraid of sunlight, hate garlic and sacred/holy things, and can't cross running water.  Plus, they think you go around sucking the blood out of everything you see!  I mean, thinking about it reasonably, if all that was true, no vampires would exist anymore.  They would have so many weaknesses, yet people always think they are incredibly powerful.  But that's mortals for you.. 

Allen's Log, Journeydate 15

I found a hidden village of ninjas today.  Strangely enough, they seem to be completely different from the ninjas I had known.  Instead of wearing black, and being really really good at hiding, these seem to focus on a strange type of magic, that I couldn't comprehend.  I just felt sorry for them, knowing that they wouldn't stand a chance out in the world outside this land, especially on board the Forgotten Freedom.  Although, perhaps if I use some of their theories, I could increase my powers....

----
The Demon Chocobos continue their rampage and the enemy numbers are finally beginning to thin (as far as several million turning to about a million means thinning). The arcane constructs have begun targeting them, slowly timing their flight patterns. In a lucky barrage, they manage to bring one down. Terra looks on, completely pi**ed.

'''Terra''': Oh, they are so going down...

She raises her hand and a giant ball of druidic, arcane, and psionic energy forms. She aims and fires at the offending group, striking in the center. One takes the blast head on and disintegrates. The others convulse wildly, and finally burst as the shadows within them tear them asunder.

'''Terra''': Suck on that, bi**hes...

----
'''Terra''': So ummm... Sakura... where are you from?

'''Sakura''': Oh, I'm from Eberron originally but I was raised in another campaign setting.

'''Terra''': *thinks* Oh great, she's a nutcase like Jarlot.

'''Sakura''': It's called ROKUGAN.

'''Terra''': So what were you in this... Rokugan.

'''Sakura''': I shall tell you....IN SONG.

'''Terra''': Oh hell.

'''Sakura''': The Very Model of A Wealthy Crane-Type Daimyo...

'''Terra''': Oh hell times times twice...

'''Sakura''':
 I am the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo,
 I've visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there I do not know,
 I know my genealogy, I've tons of friends who give me stuff
 Whenever I go out to shop, of koku I have quite enough;
 I'm gentle and I'm genteel and I'm never ever crude or gruff,
 I carry a Kakita blade, its saya I would never scuff
 All the urchins love me, and they tell me all the local news
 My clan it is adored by all, we always win, we never lose.

'''MAGISTRATES''': (that appear out of nowhere)
 Her clan it is adored by all, they always win, they never lose.
 Her clan it is adored by all, they always win, they never lose.
 Her clan it is adored by all, they always win, they never lose.

'''Sakura''':
 I'm very good at poetry and difficult kenjutsu duels;
 If anyone can better me my clan will simply change the rules:
 I've visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there I do not know,
 I am the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo.

'''MAGISTRATES''':
 She's visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there she does not know,
 She is the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo.

'''Sakura''':
 I know our clan's great history, Fu Leng's and those other guys;
 I know the ways of makeup, and of complicated obi ties.
 When speaking at a party I can talk at length of Shinsei lore
 I'm really quite good looking, I have suitors flocking by the score;
 I paint, I hawk, I write, I sing, I do most any "High Skill" things
 I am the greatest courtier of all within the Legend of Five Rings
 I do a mean court fan dance, too, the classic's I've all read
 And if you dare make fun of me, my clan will have your head.

'''MAGISTRATES''':
 And if you dare make fun of her, her clan will have your head.
 And if you dare make fun of her, her clan will have your head.
 And if you dare make fun of her, her clan will have your head.

'''Sakura''':
 I never really have to work, 'cause that's what I have servants for
 And when I walk I glide along, my feet don't really touch the floor:
 I've visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there I do not know,
 I am the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo.

'''MAGISTRATES''':
 She's visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there she does not know,
 She is the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo.

'''Sakura''':
 In fact, when I buy twenty lanterns 'cuz I can't decide which one is best 
 When I shop from dawn to dusk and never, ever really stop to rest,
 When koku fly out of my purse as though it were a waterfall
 When my selections grow so large the peasants can't collect them all
 When I have purchased nifty toys that come from gaijin 'cross the sea,
 When I spend more than you make in a whole year of work on tea --
 In short, when I've gone on a real expensive shopping spree,
 You'll say "The Crane are really cool, I really wish that it was me."

'''MAGISTRATES''':
 You'll say "The Crane are really cool, I really wish that it was me."
 You'll say "The Crane are really cool, I really wish that it was me."
 You'll say "The Crane are really cool, I really wish that it was me."

'''Sakura''':
 The emperor protects my clan, he likes me more than you, you see
 For all you do in Rokugan, it's still viewed secondarily;
 I've visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there I do not know,
 I am the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo.

'''MAGISTRATES''':
 She's visited the Emperor's court, there's no one there she does not know,
 She is the very model of a wealthy Crane-type Daimyo

'''Sakura''': TAH-DAH!

'''Terra''': *flees quickly*

----
(Terra pulls out a mini tape recorder)

'''Terra''': Note to self: Keep Sakura away from anything I make. The Captain will have my head.

(stops the tape recorder, thinks, then starts it again)

'''Terra''': PS: Still need to figure out how her parentage works.

(once again, stops then starts)

'''Terra''': PPS: Must first figure out if I even want to know.

----
'''Satnak''': The freak better hurry up, I've been tweaking the portal, he's got another 30 seconds before I've turned it into a bind crystal.

'''Kanatash''': OOOOHHH I'll get the limes.

----
Ishmael's Journal

Day 1

Call me Ishamel... Junior.

I have come to the Forgotten Freedom to figure out what happened to my father, whom came here a full month ago and never returned.  Despite the fact he was a lout and abandoned us, he nevertheless was an individual whom I looked up to.  Before going on this treacherous and dangerous undercover mission, I made certain to give all of my worldly wealth to the Church of the Traveller in hopes he'll look out for me over this day.

My first day on the ship was peculiar to say the least.

The first person I encountered on the ship was a Kalashtar, you can tell by their pale skin and blue eyes along with the tightly woven skin around their faces.  He greeted me with the peculiar statement "I shall slowly peel the skin from your mind and make you suffer."

That was when a strange white haired girl with two pony tails and wearing a uniform similiar to the ones Sarlonan Schoolgirls wear lept out of the bushes and hit him with a mallet shouting "HOW DARE YOU ENDANGER AN INNOCENT! I SHALL SMITE YOU IN THE NAME OF THE MOON!"

I must confess that the woman's voice was rather earsplitting.  The beautiful young girl, a bit young for my tastes though (but probably not my father's), then was about to say more to the strange Kalashtar when a lovely older woman... though not by much with a flower basket came out to ask what I was here for.  Thinking that 'to avenge my father' was not the response a merciless band of pirates wanted, I promptly told her that it was my wish to become a buccaneer.  To that end I was handed a Red Uniform with a number on it, apparently something that is a uniform around here.  I also was forced to sign numerous contracts from insurance with the beneficiary being the rest of the crew, a disclaimer over any health damage I may construe, and furthermore funerary arrangements of which there was only "Tossed over the Side", "Chili", and "Reanimation" to choose from.

I have quickly deduced the pecking order that comprises the Forgotten Freedom.  This compromises a fairly complex and bizarre system of alliances and treaties between fairly powerful beings.

The Captain is theoretically in charge of the ship and I've discovered he rules because he seems to be quite immortal and utterly insane.  Earlier this morning I saw him 'testing his hit points' by having a cannon fired at him at point blank range... it didn't seem to affect him.  I personally have discovered that he may be hiding something from the crew since I found that all of his liquor cabinet is marked with the words Healing, Strength, Fearlessness, Heroism and other words on it with some having +1 or other weird medical information upon it.  He seems to drink them like a fish might.  On the other hand, his skill as a warrior seems undeniable, even if I don't believe a single one of the stories he randomly speaks on.

The Demon I term the Kalashtar and I have discovered he's effectively a Captain in his own right with his position being one of absolute authority over most of the crew.  Strangely, there seems to be an unwritten rule that he is not allowed to harm someone whom has not performed irredeemable crimes of some kind amongst the crew but as (see below) this seems rarely a problem and is barely a concern for the Captain.  In any case, he is a monster and strangely even his allies seem to hold him in somewhat of disgust.  I've been told the best way to ward him off is when I am alone with him to say "Oh Hello Crystal...” just off to the side.  To my horror, the Demon is in charge of my mental health though and it explains much about the ship’e morale.

The Blessed form another part of the crew with their leader being a shining maiden whom spends most of her time abed.  She has however lent her hammer to the Lady whom rescued me earlier though in order to ‘Punish the Guilty’.  I have secretly snuck into the young woman’s room to acquire evidence about my father and found myself rather painfully assaulted by the hammer for ‘perversion’ but I have caught a glimpse of something amazing amongst her belongings... a  Pontiff’s Crook and Hat. Very curious.

The Bad are another part of the crew of which the leader seems to be another lovely woman of which whom promptly threatened to feed me to various carnivorous plants when I complimented her loveliness.  She apparently is a druidess of some kind and has something of an issue with male attempts at flirtation... or maybe it was just my reputation as a man who invades young women’s rooms at night.  Also amongst this group is a Half-Orc whom I was dangled over the edge several times by but whom promptly burst into tears when I mentioned my patron saint of Michael.  After that he got utterly drunk and vowed to **** for the rest of his life even with ‘disgusting women’ in honor of him.

The Crew itself is quite possibly the scurviest band of cutthroats in the history of mankind, though.  I have discovered that most of them are survivors of other pirate gangs, terrorists, members of various psychotic cults, and the insane.  I have wondered how the crew replenishes itself so quickly but I discovered soon when the Forgotten Freedom had its first attack... upon a Airship of the Emerald Claw.  After the nightmarish causalties, Captain Jarlot offered the survivors the chance to join the crew and more of the vile order was promptly added to the ranks.  I dare not sleep amongst the rapists, pedestrists, and further scum of the planet that make up most of them and instead sought refuge elsewhere...

I must confess my childhood longings lead me to try and sleep on a room with a teddy bear on the bed, only to find the Doll Golem turn violently upon me.

In the end, I ended up bunking in the corner of a buxom woman’s room that allowed me to stay with her so long as I acknowledged my one and only Lord was Captain Jarlot.  Her room was utterly decorated in miniature portraits and outright portraits of the Captain.   She had furthermore meticulously marked everything in the room to being objects he had touched or possessed in some way.  She also kept countless kickboxing equipment within and her morning exercises was attractive but fairly frightening to view.

My night would have ended peacefully were not for being briefly grabbed by a man wearing a wax mask and bandages over his body claiming to be “The New V” and demanding to know if I would deliver a letter to Lisa.  

Very strange.

----
Ishmael Junior's Journal

Day 2

Working on the Forgotten Freedom is 80% struggling to survive the abuses of the crew and 20% doing actual ship management.  I have managed to acquire myself a position as 'Crew Member 13#' due to the fact that all but 12# crew members senior to me have been killed off.  This occurred quite suddenly when a Air Skiff shaped like a sports lightning carriage zoomed up beside us and a Brelish Dark Lantern... I think his name was Hunter, James Hunter... leapt on.  He promptly machinegunned down a large portion of the crew, got into martial arts fights with others, and seduced one of the female crew before the Captain threw him over the edge.  Then six more crew died in an explosion of one of Ketler's devices.  Finally, Lisa got in a duel with an Illithid and slew it when it tried to eat me... for which I am very grateful.  However, in order to stay in character my offer to please her sensually got me a black eye.

I am currently filling my designated duties of changing crew member Marish's 'sandbox'.  My expectations of what that entailed were quite unsurprising given she's a Shifter.

Captain Jarlot meanwhile decided we once more needed to refill the 40 member crew that is necessary to pilot the ship since my discovery that most of the "named" crew actually don't do any work on the ship itself.  His odd solution to this was to post a 'Fantasy Camp' poster up for the opportunity to play a bloodthirsty buccaneer and charge 50gp per person.  The fact he chose to make his recruitment in Xen'drick and the majority of our current crew is cannibalistic Sahagin doesn't seem to have affected him.  He does seem upset they've paid in pearls and coral though.  Weirdly, he says he's saving them for some sort of console that he complains is going to cost 500 gold pieces while "bastards can't understand that its hard for him to cough out that much money even for Final Fantasy 13."  He then told me he broke up with his first wife because of his second and Aerith still hadn't forgiven him for someone named 'Yuna' that he swore he thought was 18.

I have no idea what he was talking about.

I did get to meet a friendly member of the 'named' crew though in an artificer that only comes out at night, wears a poofy shirt like a gentleman pirate should, and listens to Goth Metal all night while bemoaning his tragic existence.  His bed is a peculiar shape too in that it's shaped like a coffin.  I think he's some form of poet given he constantly talks about "the boredom of eternal life."  Sakura doesn't seem to get along with him as today she donned a cheerleader outfit and blonde wig before chasing him around with a broken half of a deck mop.

I am still resolved to find out what happened to my father's killer though and sought out the mysterious man in the wax mask whom lived in a sealed off room called 'Michael's.'  There he put a light behind him and said "Follow the Money" when I walked in.

I asked him what that meant and then he shouted "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" at me.

He then started smoking and muttered I'd never find out what happened to my sister even with Special Agent Scully's help.

When I informed him I was concerned about my father, he seemed apologetic before I shook my head and left.  This has not been a very productive day but I snuck Mr. V the vegetarian meal of the day.  I'm not terribly sure what's in the chili but given they started serving squid right after the Illithid died... I'm not terribly certain I want to find out.

----
Ishmael Jr.'s Journal

Day 3

Today, I was introduced to a young lad by the name of Volrath. He stared at me for the longest while before asking if he knew me. While I believe he was reminded of my father, I dared not say so before I discovered his fate. The boy had an unsettling air about him, and I figured it best not to get involved with him. My hunch was confirmed when I discovered he was closely aquainted not only with the frightening druidess from the other day, but with The Demon as well.

Though oddities seem to be commonplace aboard this vessel, I saw one of the strangest sights yet today. A smallish black creature, Neogi I believe they are called, was being chased by a wolf-like humanoid, which I later learned to be a changeling named Chalky. What I witnessed seemed to be one of his favorite pasttimes, his other being painting. As a fellow who appreciates art, I may have to acquaint myself with him further.

I dare say that this place may hold some of the greatest curiosities in the world. While performing my daily tasks on deck, I was quite surprised when the bound fire-elemental ring spoke to me. Earl was his name. He seemed to be of upstanding character, offering me several tips on how to survive some inevitable situations. We talked for some time about the dangers of the chili, and he even gave me a list of hallways to avoid. I would have liked to speak with him further, but a swarm of squirrels decended upon him and began dancing on the poor chap. I thought I knew to expect the unexpected, but still I jumped when he chased them away with a Cone of Cold.

I am still unable to determine what happened to my father, but this day has proven most insightful none the less.

----
'''Earl''': Well that was wierd.

'''Doog''': What?

'''Earl''': last I checked I was a kineticist, not a spellslinger

'''Doog''': eh, you know how it is on this ship

'''Earl''': true

-------

'''Satnak''': 15 seconds, oh look, here's Sa'vor.

'''Slip''': Whoa

'''Sa'vor''': I...

Satnak: Save it for the trip back, the both of you out, Kanatash, you might want to back up to the maximum practical range from whence to do your binding, on the off chance this loser gets out in time, what is it an aspect of sloth or something?

Sa'vor and Slip wink out.

'''Kanatash''': (gliding back a distance) Maybe it's decided not to mess with you?

'''Satnak''': Possibly but either way 10 seconds and it's a paperweight.

----
Squishy and Tabitha are sorting through various filing cabinets.

'''Tabitha''': This redshirt named Ishmael Jr., do we have to give him the last paycheck, that his father didn't pick up?

'''Squishy''': Do you really have ask that question?

'''Tabitha''': ...

'''Squishy''': Well if he comes asking for it, yes. If he doesn't we can't be held accountable. Just hold it until his employment is ended.

----
'''Jarlot''': *looking at that Korranberg Chronicle* Hmmm?

I am Codename G, and I am a Redshirt.

I know it sounds demeaning, but an investigative reporter has to do something every now and then. The Sharn Korranberg Chronicle wanted an in-depth story about the foremost villains of our times, the crew of the Forgotten Freedom. And so I set off to find out more about these scurvy brutes.

The first thing that I'll examine in detail is the hiring policy and techniques. When I got "hired" on I was walking down the more sultry streets of New Sharn, when I spied two people on soap boxes surrounded by a fairly large crowd of all sorts. There were two posters behind the soap boxes. One had a picture of a flamingo and said

Do you want Adventure? Are you a quick thinker with good survival skills? If so, You should JOIN THE FORGOTTEN FREEDOM II!
Visit exotic places, be famous, live in luxury, and above all, live life to the fullest aboard the Forgotten Freedom!

The other said something along the lines "Fame, Fortune, (and scribbled in chalk) Chix, and Fortune on the Forgotten Freedom II. Join up or be a rectangular round thing,"

There was a very lovely lady of Thranish descent on one of the soap boxes. She also carried a huge warhammer that was clearly keeping the crowd around her in line. She was handing out fliers to the crowd, detailing the pay, benefits and the life insurance policy onboard. Now that's a pretty strange thing to advertise, isn't it?

The other soapboxer was a half-orc, I recognized him as the notorious freedom fighter, Doog, famous for liberating several towns in the north of Breland from poverty and stealing from the rich. However, his tactics weren't so benign this time. He simply press-ganged anyone  who came within ten feet of him, and anyone who didn't. He carried a spiked chain of impressive length and had managed to pull together nearly fifty poor souls, bound hand, foot, and mouth. Not surprsingly, few people got within fifty yards of him. Well, that and the BO probably didn't help much either.

So I got my application from the woman, Lisa was her name. There was a fifteen page disclaimer on the front of it and several different kinds of insurance that were required (and had to be bought from the Forgotten Freedom, of course). The end result was that you were in debt to the ship between thrity and fifty gold *an hour* because of all the fees they tacked on. Great deal, huh?

The ship itself is quite amazing. It, by all means, should be in a junkyard, and would probably fill it. It looks rather like someone took an airship and threw eggs at it until it grew to the size of a giant dragon turtle. As I walked on, a strange ethereal creature handed out shirts, red ones (not surprisingly). They are apparently our namesake. They also have kindly placed a target on each and every one of them. 

The same thing was our interviewer. He sat me down, his name was Kanatash, and offered me three choices of gum, Pumpin' Pineapple, Lovin' Lime, and Bustin' Cherry. He had a memo on his wall, "Note to self: Do not let Doog name the gum!" I picked the lime. He asked me where I was from and my vital information. I proceeded to tell him I was a cuttlefish, about twelve inches long, that dressers were my home and I loved him. I think it was the gum. He studiously took down this gibberish and told me I passed with flying colors and thanked me for my time. I answered "Rototill" and smiled.

It took about three hours for the gum to wear off. They were three very interesting hours, but I can't remember much about them. But anyway, on to the redshirts. Here is an exclusive interview with one of the new crew. He emphatically required that he remain unamed. So here is Codename J, the Sahagin!

G: So, how did you join this fine enterprise?

J: Well, mon, I was like swimmin' roun' the sea and completely trippin' out on some crazy ****. An then my buddee, ______, was like hey, mon, and  I was like Hey mon, wassup bro? He like, you want some crazy **** mon, I like, Ay-o, and he like, then join up that crazy Forgotten Freedom, they got the craziest ****. So I like, sweet and join up.

G: How do you like it onboard?

J: Well mon, I think that Terra-chick got the craziest ****, but **** it be hard to take and live bro. Almost half of my bro's who joined from da wata be dead, mon. Just from that ****. The rest o' mah bro's died when that crazy cooky spilled the Chili. That **** is ****** alive mon! I mean, it be jamm-on on dis ship but, you got a lifespan of fifteen secon's when the **** hits da fan.

G: What about the captain?

J: When he ain't drunk, he be stoned, gotta respec dat. He be crazy good fighta too. When he ain't drunk or stoned. 

G: What about the facilities here? Do you like them?

J: What facilities you be meanin mon? They don't no exist. You basically fight it out for floorspace, mon.

G: So- GET DOWN! 

KA-BLAM! *Bits of Sahagin rain accross the room*

G: ****.

'''Jarlot''': Hunh... oh well... Note to Self: Get some more Sahagin, aparently we're out.

----
(The portal suddenly closes) 

'''Satnak''': well that was easy 

'''Sa'vor''': dont be so sure

(Before them floats a tall humanoid form, his liquid metal body glows gold, and from his eyes burn a abyssal red light)
Bel-Shammaroth: I am the Bel Shammaroth, Lord of Despair, The Soul Eater, Render of a thousand realities! fear my power!

'''Satnak''': Is that all you have to say?

'''Sa'vor''': Don't mock the extrademisonal entity!

'''Satnak''': why? I can slay gods with one punch?

'''Sa'vor''': not only is it stupid, but also it's tacky.

'''Bel Shammaroth''': *ahem* 

'''Slip''': yes?

'''Bel Shammaroth''': I believe you're here to stop me, yes?

'''Sa'vor''': that would be correct

'''Bel Shammaroth''': well then, how about we get this over with. you try and defeat me and then I win, you die and the whole of reality ends.

(Bel Shammaroth attacks, unleashing waves of dark energy against the companions. Sa'vor quickly throws up a shield. the force of Bel Shammaroths attack was unstoppable, even while shielded Satnak, Sa'vor and Slip were knocked sprawled on the floor. Bel Shammaroth laughed evilly, striking out with his fist and knocking Slip into the wall, Sa'vor's eyes burned with hatred as he unleashed a wave of eldritch energy at the creature. it laughed as it shook the affects off.) 

'''Bel Shammaorth''': You really expect your petty spells to affect me? 

(Sa'vor Struck out with  everything he had, centuries of hate and anguish unleashed in waves of power, they crashed down on Bel Shammaroth inflicting heavy damage. by the end Sa'vor was completly drained, Satnak and Slip, meanwhile, had circled around Bel Shammaroth. Slip dove forwards and drove her mind blade into the creature's shoulder. it screamed and lashed out, she dove away as the blast disintegrated a portion of the roof. Satnak bellowed a warcry and waded into combat, striking blow after blow on the C'tan, Bel Shammaroth's power begins to lessen as Satnak's attacks take their toll. He knows he cannot win against such insane warriors, but perhaps he could take them with him. Bel Shammaroth reaches inside him, the energy within that blazes like a thousand suns pulsed as his necrodermis disintegrated and exploded outwards in a wall of force.  Satnak was crushed against the wall, she felt her life essence begin to fade as the death throes of Bel Shammaroth took their toll. her mind dsecended into darkness.) 

(Satnak felt a deep throbbing pain within her, she was alive, barely. she risked opening her eyes. above her was the same mottled and patched wood of the Forgotten Freedom, she pulled herself into a sitting position. pain lanced through her body like a thousand red-hot knives.) 

'''Slip''': you're awake at last then

(Slip sat between Satnaks bed and another, her face was bruised and covered in many tiny cuts, two crutches lay beside the chair) 

'''Satnak''': how long was I out? 

'''Slip''': about a week

'''Satnak''': A WEEK! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH DAMAGE THE ALT-JARLOTS COULD HAVE DONE BY THEN!

'''Slip''': it's okay, Kanatash has managed to keep them in check for the while, though I suggest you try not to move so much, you've fractured quite a few bones. and there's some internal damage.

'''Satnak''': what happened? all I renember is a huge blue flash and then only pain and darkness.

'''Slip''': Bel Shammaroth exploded in an attempt to kill us off, he's gone now. banished, the explosion would have killed us, but Sa'vor used a lot of his life force to teleport us out of there. 

'''Satnak''': you seem fine compared to me

'''Slip''': well... Sa'vor threw himself in front of me in attempt to shield me from as much of the blast as possible. once he knew that we wouldn't survive, being out of magical energy he used a lot of his life force to teleport us to the forgotten freedom.

'''Satnak''': how is he? 

'''Slip''': ( her face becomes grim)  he's bad, he wakes up occasionaly. but then all he does is stare at the ceiling or rant and rave in many different languages. 

'''Satnak''': so he's having brain troubles ?

'''Slip''': no... we had Kanatash check by hacking into his mind,  it's a shifting sea of emotions and memories. it seems that some of the split personalities are trying to take control, it's a huge civil war. Sa'vor's main conciousness, the one we know is worse for wear and hard-pressed. Kantash thinks that soon it may be able to take control once more.  but that's onlt a guess. 

(in the back ground a string of Mabran emits from Sa'vors mouth, followed by some Quor and then a sentance or two in Daan) 

'''Satnak''': what did he say? 

'''Slip''': I dont know, it's difficult to translate but somthing like: 
"in darkest darkness/ walks a mind ill/ with nothing to restrain it/ but a dead man's will. then in Quor he spoke The Dreamer can't awake/ Nightmare holds sway/ Light becomes Darkness/ Night becomes day. 
in Daan he spoke Fire, Earth, Air, water/ four elements shalt be your guide/ First symbol may be found in the dreamers eyes."

----
'''Volrath''': Oh man, I didn't get to sick our god on the enemy god.

'''Kanatash''': You never told anyone you were going to.

'''Volrath''': Why else would we summon the head great old one?

'''Kanatash''': A very fancy chess piece, secret ingredient in the chili, boredom, rite of passage, keep the redshirts in line, because we can.

'''Volrath''': Yeah, but still.

'''Kanatash''': This was Sa'vor's fight. He had to end it.

'''Volrath''': I guess you're right.

----
In a deep, deep dark dimensional pocket an unconscious Bel Shammaroth stands bound in place as Kanatash circles around him.

'''Bel Shammaroth''': (slowly awakening) WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, MORTAL.

'''Kanatash''': Mortal? Hardly.  I had specially prepared this pocket dimension to contain someone of such godlike powers as yours just for this sort of oppertunity and when you decided to go nova, rather than banishing to the outer reaches normally I simply redirected your passage to this location.

'''Bel Shammaroth''': VERY CLEVER MORTAL, BUT NO BONDS CAN HOLD ME.  I SHALL BREAK FREE AND CONSUME YOUR VERY SOUL.  I CAN FEEL YOUR BINDINGS WEAKEN AS WE SPEAK.

'''Kanatash''': Once again, I'm not mortal.  You are right about the bindings however, they won't last forever.  Unfortunately for you I will have thouroughly broken your mind long before they collapse.

'''Bel Shammaroth''': FOOL, HOW DO YOU SUPPOSE YOU COULD POSSIBLY BREAK THE MIND OF A GOD.

'''Kanatash''': (evil smile) Oh, you'll see.  

He concentrates for a moment and both their forms go limp suddenly.  Suddenly Kanatash becomes all too solid while Bel Shammaroth becomes incorporeal.

'''Kanatash''': WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME, MORTAL!

'''Bel Shammaroth''': I have switched our minds, the effect is rather temporary and will last a little over an hour but that is long enough. (smile)

Bel Shammaroth/Kanatash reaches over and hooks his finger in thin air, ripping open a small dimensional hole.

'''Bel Shammaroth''': Now I am going to as they say, kill two birds with one stone, I shall be back in an hour to see what is left of your mind.

Suddenly hundreds of Crystals pour out through the hole into the dimensional pocket while Bel Shammaroth/Kanatash flies away.

'''Bel Shammaroth''': I love these sorts of win/win situations since it means I get to win twice.

----
A postal delivery technician enters the bar, looking seriously worn but walking with pride at this job.  He approaches Erk at the bar.

Postal Guy: Mr. Erk?

Erk: *growl?*

Postal Guy: Through rain, snow, lightening, hail, we at house Orien shall deliver the mail.  Do not ask us about: crazy magic girls, ninjas, large mechanical suits, small creatures that only say their names over and over, or the goddess Animé.

Erk: *growl, but you can vaguely make out that he said "Animé?"*

Postal Guy: Don't ask.  Please.  *shudder*

The postal guy hands Erk a large book-shaped package.  Then salutes and turns to go.  Unfortunaely he is greeted by Sakura and dies of a heart attack.

Erk grunts Lucky over the the bar, then takes his package into the back room.  He has a vague idea of what's inside it.  He places it on a counter and slowly unwrapps it.  Inside is rather plain book.  Yet when he opens it the pages glow, and a voice comes out.

Book: Mr. Erk, it's been a long time, hasn't it?  And yet again the world is in grave peril.  We need your help.  Your mission, should you—

Erk closes the book with a snap.  He he picks it up, intending to stuff it in a sturdy chest.

The book opens of its own accord, forcing Erk's fingers apart.

Book: *sigh* Mr. Erk, we know all about your reluctance to take on these missions, so this message will not self-destruct.  In fact, we've made it impervious to all known forms of destruction, which includes your remarkabley novil tactic of imersing it in unusually corrosive chilli.

Erk gives up and sits down to listen to the message.

Book: Let's just cut out all the pleasentries, shall we.  Your mission is to…

----
Satnak - Remember, I find one mess on the carpet there won't even be an astral husk and a hennefer left. I really hate the self-destructers. Remind me I owe you guys some explaining about the arm and armor.*conks out*

Lisa - Is she getting more or less nutty?

Terra - I don't know and either way I'm scared.
----



----
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