Editing Letter from Miranda

Nala....

I don't even know if you'll ever get this letter. I'm sitting on Miranda, of all places. We crash-landed and there's no Cortex out here. Our comm gear is not powerful enough to send messages out... or if we rig something, it could be months before it hits the nearest Cortex relay. As for <i>why</i> I'm sitting out here on a dead rock? Heh.... now there's a long story. Not entirely sure it matters much, except that if they don't find anything here but dead folks, I'm pretty sure you'd like to know the whole story. I'll try to give you the short version. No... even that'll take too gorram long.  /laugh/

So here's what I know, sis. Arden comes from a society of clones. Just before the war, most of his clone-brothers, as it were, seem to have vanished. The only one he's ever met is a scary, scary Alliance agent-type. He sent us off to investigate Arden's origins and the fate of their brothers a bit... and the trail led to Blue Sun, a ship that disappeared before the war. At the same time we started out to deal with that, I also got wind of the fact that Shyla, Harry, and the guys are also out here in Blue Sun up to something you don't want to know about. So... we opted to try to kill two birds with one stone -- check up on our friends <i>and</i> Arden's background at the same time. We got out here and ran across a bit of a brawl, caught a distress beacon, and thought to help out before Reavers could get to whoever might have survived. It's a bad, ugly Verse out here, sis... we picked up a few survivors but wound up running from Reavers ourselves. I think we ditched 'em, but doing it required a crash-landing, and so that's how I got into this predicament. More or less -- you know me, there's about a billion details in there that I ain't bothering to tell you.

In any case... Arden's history actually leads us to Miranda anyway, so we're going to use the ship's shuttle to see about checking into that situation while we're attempting to repair the Gift enough or repair one of the other derelicts here enough to get her spaceworthy. Believe me, we're not giving up on getting off this dead rock. It may just take time.

There're a lot of things that have been weighing on me lately, Nala. Most of it's just crap, but some of it... shakes me. I've been slowly realizing some things that I might not have time to figure out and work through, and it bothers me. Ever since I nearly died, there've been a lot of things evolving in my head. Not that it's going to magically all get worked through if I do get off this stupid planet, but ... I find myself thinking of things I haven't done. And worse yet, between you, Rina, and Christian bugging me.... I think I've figured out at least some of my feelings. And now that I know them, what the gorram hell am I supposed to <i>do</i> about them? I'm not ready to come out of the Black, Nala... but I find myself wanting things I always thought I wouldn't have because the Black calls so deeply. And yet Christian tells me I don't let society dictate anything else in my life, why should it dictate this? The Black is no place to raise kids, or so I think to myself -- because the ranch is the best place to grow up. Right? And yet.... spacer families make it work all the time out here. It's all kind of moot right now. I don't know how Brian feels, and even if I did... I don't know that we'd wind up together anyway. I keep having to say "I like my life! I like what I have with Arden! I like what I have in general!" and now I'm second-guessing myself all over the place ... am I protesting too much? Maybe I don't really know myself at all. And I'm making myself nuts about it all. And that's not what this letter is supposed to be about anyway, but hey... you always tell me to <b>talk</b> to you, so there you have it. The stuff in my head as I sit on a dead rock right after crash-landing on it.

Nala, I hope we're getting off this planet. But in case we don't, and in case Bri and the others do make it back... I hope you'll share those thoughts with him. I want him to know the things I really can't say to him yet. And if we get out of here, I don't know if I'll ever be ready to say 'em or if we'll just stay friends always... but if I <i>don't</i> make it back, he deserves to know that I finally figured out it wasn't as simple as I always thought.

I want you to know that I'm real, <i>real</i> glad that you and Kevin have Larry and the others. I know I said it before I left, but I wanted to say it again. If this is the last time you get a letter from me, I want you to know that home was always in my mind -- I always miss you when I'm out. Just like, stupid me, I always miss the Black when I'm groundside. Never seem quite happy anywhere, do I? /smile/ I love you, twin. And I love Kevin. Take care of yourselves and know that you are always with me.

--Nika