Editing On Death and Decisions
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The kitchen was quiet at this time of night. Of course, the whole ship was quiet at this time of night, but the kitchen seemed shielded from the rest of the ship's general noises. None of the machine noises from the engine room or instrument beeping from the bridge. ''Or maybe'', Joshua thought as he sat at the table, ''you're just used to the noise''. He had been sleeping restlessly, not really dreaming but not really getting real sleep either. So he had managed to slip from the bed without disturbing Rina and grabbed his pencils and paper. The pad sat in front of him, filled with partially done sketches of various pieces of the galley. A pot here, a knife there. If he had been serious about the work, he would've focused on one thing. But really, Joshua just wanted to give his mind something to focus on so it could settle down.<br><br> | The kitchen was quiet at this time of night. Of course, the whole ship was quiet at this time of night, but the kitchen seemed shielded from the rest of the ship's general noises. None of the machine noises from the engine room or instrument beeping from the bridge. ''Or maybe'', Joshua thought as he sat at the table, ''you're just used to the noise''. He had been sleeping restlessly, not really dreaming but not really getting real sleep either. So he had managed to slip from the bed without disturbing Rina and grabbed his pencils and paper. The pad sat in front of him, filled with partially done sketches of various pieces of the galley. A pot here, a knife there. If he had been serious about the work, he would've focused on one thing. But really, Joshua just wanted to give his mind something to focus on so it could settle down.<br><br> | ||
| − | When Nika entered, he looked up at her and frowned a little. She looked worn, but that shouldn't have surprised him. If she was up at this hour, her rest probably wasn't very good either. "Not sleeping either?" he asked her. Then he noticed she was heading for the liquor cabinet. | + | When Nika entered, he looked up at her and frowned a little. She looked worn, but that shouldn't have surprised him. If she was up at this hour, her rest probably wasn't very good either. "Not sleeping either?" he asked her. Then he noticed she was heading for the liquor cabinet. Guess that answers that question. <br><br> |
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| − | Nika was quiet, taking a healthy swallow of her drink and letting it burn its way to her gut before answering. When she finally spoke, her tone was stark. "A volcanic planet is bringing back some bad moments.... hard choices." Leaving the miners to die when | + | Nika was quiet, taking a healthy swallow of her drink and letting it burn its way to her gut before answering. When she finally spoke, her tone was stark. "A volcanic planet is bringing back some bad moments.... hard choices." Leaving the miners to die when maybe she didn't have to. "That stunt we pulled?" She looked up at him, the eyes she was given the dark blue of deep, clear ocean. "It should have killed you both. I made the choice knowing that you might not make it out." And she's not apologizing for that... but clearly it's giving her some tough moments.<br><br> |
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| − | "It was the right decision," Nika acknowledged softly. "It was... the only decision." She took another long swallow, letting the alcohol burn its way in a trickle down her throat so she didn't have to talk for a time. "But it's the second time in half a year that I've made decisions where the most likely outcome was death for the people I left behind. Sheer stupid luck that in this case you | + | "It was the right decision," Nika acknowledged softly. "It was... the only decision." She took another long swallow, letting the alcohol burn its way in a trickle down her throat so she didn't have to talk for a time. "But it's the second time in half a year that I've made decisions where the most likely outcome was death for the people I left behind. Sheer stupid luck that in this case you guysdidn't die."<br><br> |
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| − | Setting the glass down with some of the liquid still in it, Nika looked at him and asked quietly, "Why the | + | Setting the glass down with some of the liquid still in it, Nika looked at him and asked quietly, "Why the hell are you people willing to follow someone like me to your gorram death, Joshua?" She shakes her head. "With crew still on the ground, I was ... willing to kill you both. What the hell?"<br><br> |
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| − | Nika twined her fingers into his. "Gorram pigheaded crew," she murmured with a small smile. She looked at him. "Y'all are family. And making that call ... was the hardest thing I've ever done. Including putting a bullet in some guy's head because he | + | Nika twined her fingers into his. "Gorram pigheaded crew," she murmured with a small smile. She looked at him. "Y'all are family. And making that call ... was the hardest thing I've ever done. Including putting a bullet in some guy's head because he might have been a threat. This was worse. And if you hadn't made it out, I'm not sure I'd have been able to keep on goin', Joshua."<br><br> |
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| − | "You would have," Joshua said confidently. "Arden and Kiera and Beggar would've needed you. But there isn't a lot of point in dwelling on the what ifs. We just need to stay focused on the what nows." Hopefully the job to Sho-Je Downs would lead to something bigger. | + | "You would have," Joshua said confidently. "Arden and Kiera and Beggar would've needed you. But there isn't a lot of point in dwelling on the what ifs. We just need to stay focused on the what nows." Hopefully the job to Sho-Je Downs would lead to something bigger. Hard to run jobs for the Browncoats, he thought wryly, if half your ship was without gravity.<br><br> |
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| − | Nika's emotional state was still not the best. Decisions she's making are killing people. Not because they're bad people, but because she has to choose... who gets to live and who gets to die. She did not feel the most qualified to make those choices, and in the end... the fact that Joshua and Rina simply | + | Nika's emotional state was still not the best. Decisions she's making are killing people. Not because they're bad people, but because she has to choose... who gets to live and who gets to die. She did not feel the most qualified to make those choices, and in the end... the fact that Joshua and Rina simply accepted that whatever she was going to do might kill them scares the hell out of her. Yet she bit her tongue on it, not sharing those thoughts. "We need a decent job at the Downs," she murmured. "The repairs are extensive."<br><br> |
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| − | + | Tell me about it, he thought. Repairs to the Equinox were going to cost 2000 credits or more and they had approximately 50 credits in the ship's fund. Such was life on the edge. But give him this over a comfortable controlled life any day of the week and twice on Sundays. "Yeah, it'll be a bit expensive to fix her. But I'm happy to pay it, considering the alternative."<br><br> | |
He squeezed her hand again and looked her over. She wasn't saying it, but it was clear she was still feeling off about the whole mess. Which brought up an interesting question...<br><br> | He squeezed her hand again and looked her over. She wasn't saying it, but it was clear she was still feeling off about the whole mess. Which brought up an interesting question...<br><br> | ||
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| − | Nika smiled slightly. "I'm okay with risky situations, Joshua. I'm just.... " She paused and looked at the ceiling. "I've been the pilot when people've had to be left behind for one reason or another. But I never had to make those decisions personally. It's... difficult." She squeezed his hand. "I left miners on the ground... and they died. This time it was part of my crew that I had to decide whether to risk. I'm ... still assimilating that I made that call. It... was the | + | Nika smiled slightly. "I'm okay with risky situations, Joshua. I'm just.... " She paused and looked at the ceiling. "I've been the pilot when people've had to be left behind for one reason or another. But I never had to make those decisions personally. It's... difficult." She squeezed his hand. "I left miners on the ground... and they died. This time it was part of my crew that I had to decide whether to risk. I'm ... still assimilating that I made that call. It... was the right one, but it's... hard. To realize that there may come a time where I have to choose to sacrifice some for the rest." She grimaced.<br><br> |
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| − | Nika thought about that remark and then she had to laugh. "Anyone else ever suggested leaving the two of you behind, no matter the circumstances, and I'd probably have put a bullet in them," she admitted. Shaking her head, she looked at him. "Now what kinda messed-up crap is | + | Nika thought about that remark and then she had to laugh. "Anyone else ever suggested leaving the two of you behind, no matter the circumstances, and I'd probably have put a bullet in them," she admitted. Shaking her head, she looked at him. "Now what kinda messed-up crap is that?" She's sort of amused at her own double standard. But there you have it.<br><br> |
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