Editing Space Corps Regulations

Return to [[Blue_Giant_Alternates_Never_Cease]] Home
*001
**It is a prime overriding duty to contact other lifeforms, exchange information, and, whenever possible, bring them home. 
*003
**By joining Star Corps, each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty, and adequate toilet facilities. 
*005
**The ship's computer may be replaced when its actions lead to the gross endangerment of personnel.
*112
**A living crew member always out-ranks a mechanical crew member.
*142
**In a hostage demand situation, a hologrammatic personality is entirely expendable
*147
**Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessel except on production of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit. 
*169
**In a emergency hologram situation, the holograms must be placed on a time share schedule. 
*195
**In an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crew member must lay down his life in order that the living crew members might survive. 
*312
**Crew members in quarantine must be provided with minimum leisure facilities. (Rimmer takes this to mean: 'a chess set with 31 missing pieces, a knitting magazine with a pull-out special on crocheted hats, a puzzle magazine with all the crosswords completed and a video of the excellent cinematic treat, Wall-Papering, Painting, And Stippling — A DIY Guide.) 
*349
**Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension rights. 
*497
**When a crewmember has run out of credits, food may not be supplied until the balance is restored. 
*592
**In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be granted to whichever officer can program a VCR. 
*595
**Any crew member who has been in direct contact with diseases must enter quarantine for a period of 3 months. See also Space Corps Directive 699 can be used to demand a re-screening after five days.
*596
**Crew files are for the eyes of the Captain only.
*597
**One berth per registered crew member.
*699
**A quarantined crew member can request a re-screening after a period no less than 5 days.  If no trace of disease is found they can leave Quarantine.
*723
**Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon. 
*997
**Work done by an officer's doppleganger in a parallel universe cannot be claimed as overtime. 
*1694
**During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crew member whose timesheet shows him/her clocking off 187 years before he/she clocked on. 
*1742
**No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee.
*1743
**No registered vessel should attempt to transverse an asteroid belt without deflectors. 
*5796
**No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples. 
*5797
**A crew member is unable to enter the ship for the safety of the crew when in an area of chameleonic lifeforms, especially if that crew member might infact be a brain sucking psychotic temporal lobe slurper. 
*7214
**To preserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts. 
*7713
**The log must be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission data, and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subordinates who have not received a card.
*12532
**Space Corps super chimps performing acts of indecency in zero-gravity will lose all banana privileges.
*34124
**No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity. 
*43872
**Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only.
*68250
**A rabbi shall sacrifice one or more chickens in an attempt to solve a crisis situation.
*98247
**No Officer should be left behind on an inhabited planet unless he is missing two or more limbs.
*112145
**The primary overriding duty of the Space Corps is to contact other life forms, exchange information, and, wherever possible, bring them home.
*196156
**Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial. 
*1947945
**A mechanoid may issue orders to human crew members if the lives of said crew members are directly or indirectly under threat from a hitherto unperceived source and there is inadequate time to explain the precise nature of the enormous and most imminent death threat.
*5724368217968/B
**At all times show your allegiance to Red Dwarf in the US by picking up your phone and calling your local public television station with your pledge.
*39436175880932/B
**All nations attending the conference are only allocated one car parking space.
*39436175880932/C
**	POWs have a right to non-violent constraint.

==Rimmer Directives==
*271	No chance, you metal bastard (Used to counter Space Corps Directive 195).
* An unspecified directive after the crew was attacked by a polymorph (simply referred to as "The Rimmer Directive"): 'Never tangle with anything that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond family.'