Editing TheStarsAreRight:Tibet

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...learn that Rebecca and Henrik are going to get married. I would never have guessed... they certainly did a good job of keeping things under wraps... though, in hindsight, they had been spending a lot of time together. It strikes me as a rather hasty decision, given that they've known each other less than a month. However, I've never been "in love" so perhaps it makes perfect sense to them. I've never been shy about offering my opinion when it isn't wanted, but I fail to see how it will change anything in this instance. Besides, it's really none of my business. On top of that, I'd be quite the hypocrite if I objected to someone making a major decision after a short period of time. After all, a marriage is easily undone (is either one Catholic?), whereas giving up your eye to an alien god is really a binding commitment.

I feel I should lay out my reasoning to give myself one final chance to bow out. I mean, here it is, barely a month after learning about what is really going on in the world and here I am ready to poke out my eye and make league with "the forces of evil." What are the disadvantages to my decision?: 

1) I am more likely to die than any other relevant course of action

2) The possibility of "corruption" rises from negligible to probable

3) I lose my eye with 100% certainty

4) I will become a source of suspicion to my current associates

5) I will likely lose access to fascinating sources of knowledge

What are the advantages to my decision?:

1) I may learn valuable information that will assist my current associates

2) With small probability, I may obtain a valuable contact that can help salvage the world if all other efforts fail

Looking over this list, the project certainly seems to fail a cost/benefit analysis. So why am I still planning to go forward? The answer to this is probably related to the reason I am not choosing the "return to a normal life" option for a sacrifice. At some point, it's hard to say when, I became committed to pursuing this deal with the Dark Pharaoh. As such, the "normal life" option no longer held value. 

It is more difficult to ascertain why I became committed. Clearly, a low sense of self-worth is a contributing factor, and indeed, this was certainly compounded by my dismissal from my job, to which I had dedicated my whole life. Do I see "saving the world" as a means to gain self-worth? Even though I always place the phrase in quotation marks? Perhaps the goal is irrelevant and it is solely the act of pursuing it.

Maybe I'm just curious... though poking one's eye out of...