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− | [[Category: Number_Lists]]
| + | scy6dI |
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− | [http://boards1.wizards.com/showthread.php?t=507223 Original thread]
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− | See also [[Forgotten_Freedom:Rules]]
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− | | |
− | 1001+ Things that the worst party in Eberron is forbidden from doing...
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− | | |
− | From Captain Jarlot, Pirate at arms....
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− | Activities that the Crew of the Airship Forgotten Freedom are Forbidden from engaging in:
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− | | |
− | 1. Do not attempt to rub Nair over the shifter first mate while she is asleep.<br>
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− | 2. Do not taunt Cardinal Krozen about his inability
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− | to capture/kill the Crew. It's not bad, just tacky.<br>
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− | 3. Do not taunt the The Lords of Dust about their inability
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− | to capture the Crew. It really should be bad, but it's not. Still tacky.<br>
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− | 4. Do not taunt Queen Aurala about her inability to
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− | capture the Crew. Otherwise she'll stamp her foot and pout.<br>
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− | 5. Do not shoot the villain while he's monologuing,
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− | no matter how long he takes.<br>
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− | 6. There will be NO referring to King Kaius as Mein
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− | Fuhrer or goosestepping to his orders.<br>
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− | 7. Even if he speaks in a thick German accent.<br>
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− | 8. Even if the secret service wears jackboots.<br>
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− | 9. Even if they're seeking the Ark.<br>
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− | 10. ALRIGHT, THEY'RE NAZIS... SWEET TIRA MIRRON.<br>
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− | 11. The Captain forbids the Elf from referring to Tira
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− | Mirron as a "Great Lay", "The Feisty Wench", and "The
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− | Naughty Girl who liked to lick".<br>
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− | 12. The crew will not attempt to make the Paladin break
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− | his vows.<br>
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− | 13. The crew will not point out the Paladin has already
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− | done so by being on a Pirate ship.<br>
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− | 14. The crew will not use the Forgotten Freedom to buzz
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− | dinosaurs.<br>
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− | 15. No matter how cool they look when they scamper.<br>
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− | 16. ESPECIALLY NOT during halfling festival days.<br>
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− | 17. The Lord of Blades does not need to see the Wizard
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− | for a heart.<br>
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− | 18. He does not need oiling when it rains, nor is this
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− | an effective battle strategy against him.<br>
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− | 19. Nor does he need a diploma, medal, or any combination
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− | of these things.<br>
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− | 20. The Lord of Blades is not to be referred to as "Skippy".<br>
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− | 21. Nor is Pontiff Jaela.<br>
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− | 22. Even if she skips a lot.<br>
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− | 23. Queen Aurala is not the Wicked Witch of the West.<br>
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− | 24. Even if she is a witch and lives in the West and
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− | is of dubious morality.<br>
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− | 25. Throwing water on her is not a means of "Undoing
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− | her wickedness".<br>
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− | 26. Pontiff Jaela is not to be referred to as "Lolita".<br>
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− | 27. Nor will she be referred to as "Major Hot Babe
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− | when she grows up".<br>
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− | 28. ...even if she will be.<br>
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− | 29. Errandis D'Vol cannot be stopped by dropping a house
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− | on her.<br>
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− | 30. Nor can Queen Aurala.<br>
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− | 31. King Boranal will not be invited to Frat Keggers
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− | or Orgies with Changeling Girls.<br>
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− | 32. Even if he's game.<br>
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− | 33. King Kaius is not the last boss in the Castlevania
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− | series.<br>
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− | 34. Nor is his mortal enemy Simon Belmont.<br>
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− | 35. It is wrong to cast magic mouth spells to play "The
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− | Phantom of the Opera" when he enters the room.<br>
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− | 36. Or eat garlic pizza before talking to him.<br>
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− | 37. Or hold up mirrors behind him while mouthing the
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− | word "Vampire".<br>
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− | 38. Queen Aurala is not to be referred to as Glinda.<br>
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− | 39. You cannot summon a Rajah by saying 'Hastur' three
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− | times.<br>
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− | 40. Or a Daelkyr by saying "Candyman" into
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− | a mirror.<br>
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− | 41. Dolgrims do not have one head that always lies
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− | and one that always tells the truth.<br>
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− | 42. The Aereneal elves will not be referred to as "The
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− | creepy Goth elves".<br>
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− | 43. Nor are the Deathless described as "Undead
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− | who all dress like they're in a 70s glam rock band".<br>
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− | 44. We will not rob the Lightning Rail wearing scarves
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− | on our faces.<br>
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− | 45. If we do, we won't claim to be trying to conduct
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− | a Time Travel experiment.<br>
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− | 46. Even if we are.<br>
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− | 47. Valenar Elves are not to be called "Romulans".<br>
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− | 48. You will not compare a Valenar Elf's performance
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− | to Legolas.<br>
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− | 49. Even if Legolas could do it much better.<br>
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− | 50. I am the reincarnation of King Jarlot, none of you
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− | are.<br>
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− | 51. I will not attempt to restart the Great War for
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− | "kicks".<br>
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− | 52. Dwarves will not be referred to as "The Swiss."<br>
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− | 53. Even if they have fine chocolate and good cheeses.<br>
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− | 54. No, it is a rumor you can conquer Aundair by simply
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− | walking into it.<br>
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− | 55. It is wrong to use Ventriloquism to predict the
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− | end of the world in a cathedral in Thrane.<br>
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− | 56. The Quori are not to be referred to as "The
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− | Q" or are their activities from "The Q Continuum".<br>
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− | 57. The changeling is forbidden from deliberately appearing
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− | as Earth celebrities she has no idea exist.<br>
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− | 58. Darguun are not to be called "Klingons."<br>
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− | 59. Even if they have swords suspiciously similiar to
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− | them.<br>
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− | 60. Riedra is not Japan or China or any other Oriental
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− | culture, so I cannot go there to spot me some Asian chicks.<br>
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− | 61. The Monk will also not use the word "WO PAW!"
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− | after every strike.<br>
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− | 62. Shifters cannot be Catgirls.<br>
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− | 63. Or Foxgirls.<br>
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− | 64. OR BUNNY GIRLS.<br>
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− | 65. Even if they were I could not make a mansion of
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− | them and sell their pictorials.<br>
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− | 66. When conducting robberies, I will not give wedgies
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− | to Dragonshard house nobles because they 'richly deserve it'.<br>
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− | 67. Merrix D'Cannith is not to be referred to as "Lex
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− | Luthor, greatest criminal mastermind inventor of the 11th century!"<br>
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− | 68. Even if he's bald, an inventor, and a supervillain.<br>
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− | 69. Q'barra is not the home of voodoo, plantations,
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− | or good cajun cooking.<br>
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− | 70. Kobolds are not to be called "Spot", "Fido",
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− | or "Rover".<br>
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− | 71. Nor will you attempt to teach them 'tricks'.<br>
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− | 72. Kobolds do not speak in an accent similiar to Ren
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− | or say things like "It is not I who am crazy, it is I who am MAD!"<br>
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− | 73. There will be no characters accepted who are Lysander
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− | Bugbear pilots named Baloo.<br>
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− | 74. Nor will lovable kid sidekicks named Cloudkicker
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− | with Tenser Floating Disks.<br>
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− | 75. You will not refer to a wand of fireballs as your
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− | "Boomstick".<br>
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− | 76. The Mockery is not your Copilot.<br>
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− | 77. Nor the Traveller.<br>
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− | 78. Queen Aurala is not to be referred to as the "Virgin
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− | Queen" in a derogatory manner.<br>
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− | 79. Any rumor that such a name is inappropriate because
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− | of me is to be squashed.<br>
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− | 80. Halflings of Clan Boramar are not to speak like
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− | they're Italian or in the Godfather.<br>
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− | 81. Nor is Joe Peschi a Halfling.<br>
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− | 82. Even if he claims so.<br>
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− | 83. You cannot play four Turtle Ninja Shifters.<br>
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− | 84. It is wrong to refer to King Boranal's daughter
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− | as a fine piece of ***.<br>
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− | 85. Even if she is.<br>
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− | 86. I will not attempt to turn the Forgotten Freedom
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− | into a Pimpmobile.<br>
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− | 87. The Gods of Eberron do not fail to appear on the
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− | earthly plane because I am "THAT" badass...<br>
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− | 88. Kalashatyr are not to be referred to as the Tok'Ra.<br>
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− | 89. Nor the Quori as Goa'uld.<br>
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− | 90. We are not the Crew of Firefly.<br>
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− | 91. Nor Blake's 7.<br>
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− | 92. Even if an Alliance is chasing us.<br>
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− | 93. I am to be referred to as Captain Jarlot not "Jack
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− | Sparrow" or "Keith Richards".<br>
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− | 94. Even if there's a frightening resemblance sometimes.<br>
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− | 95. Xen'drick is not to be referred to as "The
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− | land of stereotyped minorities brought to light by the glories of colonialism".<br>
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− | 96. Pontiff Jaela is not to be referred to as "Ruri"
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− | or "Rei Ayanami".<br>
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− | 97. No, you cannot wear the pope hat.<br>
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− | 98. Even if she lets you.<br>
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− | 99. It is wrong to attempt to make the Lord of Blades
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− | sing "Daisy".<br>
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− | 100. He is not to be referred to as R.O.B.B.I.E or any
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− | other warforged.<br>
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− | 101. No, I cannot stencil in a Dragonmark for powers.
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− | <br>
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− | 102. Especially not the Dragonmark of Death.<br>
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− | Nr. 103 has been lost to the sands of time.<br>
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− | 104. Repeat after me, I did not cause the Day of Mourning.<br>
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− | 105. I am not Batman.<br>
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− | 106. The Demon Wastes will not be referred to as "Athas".<br>
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− | 107. A Mel Gibson look-alike is not driving around The
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− | Mournland in a V8.<br>
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− | 108. What most Mourners do not need is "A good
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− | slap".<br>
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− | 109. Seig Heil is not the correct manner of greeting
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− | King Kaius.<br>
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− | 110. Being a pirate does not make me the ultimate enemy
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− | of ninjas.<br>
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− | 111. Being a pirate does not make Boo Radley our King
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− | or the Mockingbird something we must figure out how to kill.<br>
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− | 112. The proper response to a defeated foe offering
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− | surrender is not:<br>
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− | "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!"<br>
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− | 113. Or: <br>
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− | "YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO DESTRUCTION!"<br>
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− | "HAHAHAHAHA."<br>
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− | 114. Even if I laugh like hell.<br>
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− | 115. There is not a secret plot to combine Dark Sun
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− | and the Council of Wyrms and the Flanaes into one setting on Eberron to save
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− | money.<br>
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− | 116. Even if they did it with Forgotten Realms.<br>
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− | 117. You shall not argue the merits of the attractive
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− | paladin turning tricks "for the good of the party".<br>
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− | 118. Bards are not to be shot on sight for being worthless.<br>
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− | 119. Nor shall Gnomes.<br>
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− | 120. The Gnomes of Zilargo are not the cast from Cruel
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− | Intentions and every soap opera in history.<br>
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− | 121. People from the Eldeen Reaches do not have plaid
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− | outfits and talk like Hillbillies.<br>
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− | 122. I will not make "You might be from the Eldeen
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− | Reaches" lists.<br>
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− | 123. Making only the Orcs like this is not a substitute.<br>
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− | 124. The Aurrum are not led by Blofeld.<br>
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− | 125. Or Doctor Evil.<br>
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− | 126. Austin Powers is not a member of the King's Citadel.<br>
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− | 127. James Bond is.<br>
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− | 128. I will never, under ANY circumstances, shout "My
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− | name is Inigo Montoya, You killed my father. Prepare to die".<br>
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− | 129. Even if they did.<br>
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− | 130. You will not try and hum the 2001 theme when encountering
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− | Quori monoliths.<br>
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− | 131. Boris and Natasha do not work for Karrnath.<br>
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− | 132. King Kaius is not to be referred to as "Fearless
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− | Leader".<br>
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− | 133. Moose and Squirrel are not good code names for the
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− | party when doing undercover work against them.<br>
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− | 134. The Wardens of the Forest are not to be referred
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− | to as the Harpers.<br>
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− | 135. Nor are they lead by Elminster.<br>
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− | 136. I will not, when meeting Kalashatyr, shout "Wait,
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− | I've met you before in the ancient civilization of the Giants in a previous
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− | life. Yes, ATLANTIS!"<br>
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− | 137. Even if I did.<br>
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− | 138. I will not attempt to rescue party members from
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− | the Realm of the Dead by saying to the Maruts "You know a guy thirty miles
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− | away is trying to sneak away a soul. He's invisible so look really for an hour."<br>
| |
− | 139. If the condition for releasing a party member is
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− | not to look back at them, do not simply stick your hands behind your head to
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− | block your vision and claim it works.<br>
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− | 140. You are not in 8-bit, nor is "Haddoken"
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− | or "Stabbity death" an answer for anything.<br>
| |
− | 141. I will not build a spelljammer to surf on the Ring
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− | of Siberys.<br>
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− | 142. I will not use Khyber shards to summon Elvis.<br>
| |
− | 143. Warforged are not to be my butlers.<br>
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− | 144. The Chamber is not to be called "The Dragonati".<br>
| |
− | 145. Rakshasas are not members of the Masons or effete
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− | British Indian Colonialists.<br>
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− | 146. Sharn is not "New York only more flying carpets".<br>
| |
− | 147. The Gatekeepers are not an anime about Communist
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− | fears of Japan.<br>
| |
− | 148. The proper battle cry for a female moonspeaker
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− | is not "IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I WILL PUNISH YOU!"<br>
| |
− | 149. Even if you are a SAILOR Moonspeaker.<br>
| |
− | 150. House Cannith is not ShinRa nor is it possible
| |
− | to find Aeris selling flowers in Sharn.<br>
| |
− | 151. Being from Karrnath is not reason enough to wear
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− | a German barmaid's outfit.<br>
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− | 152. Especially if you are a man.<br>
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− | 153. As a child, Queen Aurala did not have a gingerbread
| |
− | house that she lured you to try and eat you.<br>
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− | 154. If she does own a magic mirror, it's not to scry
| |
− | the land so she can put to sleep girls who are more attractive than her or lock
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− | them in towers.<br>
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− | 155. You will not shout "my ass" when talk
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− | of her benevolent rule is spoken.<br>
| |
− | 156. The Thrane Royal Family will not be referred to
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− | as "the most useless monarchy since Britains".<br>
| |
− | 157. Even if one of you happens to be a subject of the
| |
− | Queen of England (and Canada).<br>
| |
− | 158. Merrix D'Cannith is not building a giant *fingerwag*
| |
− | laser on one of the moons.<br>
| |
− | 159. You will not pretend to be Boranal's bastard son.<br>
| |
− | 160. Even if it's 50-50 likely.<br>
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− | 161. You will not try and use the Silver Flame to roast
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− | marshmallows.<br>
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− | 162. Or weenies.<br>
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− | 163. You will not ask if you can put a rotisserie over
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− | it.<br>
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− | 164. BBQ over it does not taste better because of that
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− | 'spiritual goodness'.<br>
| |
− | 165. I will not claim to have had sex with Dol Arrah.<br>
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− | 166. Or Arawai.<br>
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− | 167. Or the Fury.<br>
| |
− | 168. Especially not at once.<br>
| |
− | 167. Elves do not react to dog whistles.<br>
| |
− | 168. Kobolds do.<br>
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− | 169. Erandis D'Vol is not "Vecna's teenage Goth
| |
− | daughter".<br>
| |
− | 170. No, I cannot import kender via the Plane of Shadows
| |
− | to leave a mark of fear and terrror across the land.<br>
| |
− | 171. Five warforged cannot join together with five magic
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− | medallions to become Voltron.<br>
| |
− | 172. It is wrong to tell warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 173. The Blood of Vol did not get started by the Rocky
| |
− | Horror Picture Show.<br>
| |
− | 174. Breland's Colossus of Freedom does not have "Give
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− | me your rich, your pretty, and your gulliable" on her tablet.<br>
| |
− | 175. The airship's mechanic shall not be referred to
| |
− | as "Cid".<br>
| |
− | 176. Dragonshards will not be referred to as "Materia".<br>
| |
− | 177. Or Mana.<br>
| |
− | 178. You will not hum the Legend of Zelda theme while
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− | walking.<br>
| |
− | 179. It is not a compliment to toss catnip on shifters
| |
− | and watch them trip out.<br>
| |
− | 180. Argonessan is not Australia, I don't know where
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− | you got the idea and all dragons do not suddenly talk like the Crocodile Hunter.<br>
| |
− | 181. Jedi is not an acceptable prestige class because
| |
− | all things can be found in Eberron.<br>
| |
− | 182. Nor can you refer to the bugbear as Chewie.<br>
| |
− | 183. Cyre will not mutate superintelligent apes and
| |
− | they will eventually replace us all so we might as well blow the planet now.<br>
| |
− | 184. The Emerald Claw is a frightening group of terrorists
| |
− | and undead worshippers, they are not to be judged by the fact their name sounds
| |
− | like a strip club or oriental restaurant.<br>
| |
− | 185. When the Quori view my dreams, I cannot imagine
| |
− | them stomped on by Godzilla to kill them.<br>
| |
− | 186. The Tarrasque is not Godzilla... IN ANY WORLD.<br>
| |
− | 187. Bone Knights should not be challenged by saying
| |
− | "You get a real boner for combat, huh?"<br>
| |
− | 188. The proper response for a mysterious NPC giving
| |
− | a mission is to not spit whiskey on them and then set them on fire.<br>
| |
− | 189. Booty from treasure hunts will not be referred
| |
− | to as "bling bling".<br>
| |
− | 190. When we see a distress signal we do not say "F***
| |
− | that! We're taking this boat to Risa."<br>
| |
− | 191. It's wrong to capture dinosaurs and try to open
| |
− | a park on some island near Xen'drick.<br>
| |
− | 192. The proper response when meeting the son of Queen
| |
− | Aurala is not to say "You know your mom's a real *****, right?"<br>
| |
− | 193. If Queen Aurala is ever successfully kidnapped,
| |
− | you will not try her for witchcraft by putting a fake nose on her and weighing
| |
− | her against a duck.<br>
| |
− | 194. Jaela's birthday six years from now will not be
| |
− | a cause for celebration because she turns 'legal'.<br>
| |
− | 195. You will not beat the crazzap out of Royal Eyes
| |
− | members on principle.<br>
| |
− | 196. Or casually announce their status as spies in crowded
| |
− | marketplaces.<br>
| |
− | 197. Putting up your cloak in broad daylight does not
| |
− | add +1 to your Hide/Sneak check.<br>
| |
− | 198. The Day of Mourning did not result in mass mutations
| |
− | that created the Eberron version of the X-Men.<br>
| |
− | 199. Or the Incredible Hulk.<br>
| |
− | 200. You will not pistol whip Prince Jurian.<br>
| |
− | 201. Unless I order you to.<br>
| |
− | 202. Queen Aurala is not even a Magic user! Why the
| |
− | hell do you keep making the Witch jokes!?<br>
| |
− | 201. Prince Oargev's name is not a euphemism for his
| |
− | sexual leanings.<br>
| |
− | 202. Cyre was not Naboo nor was the Day of Mourning
| |
− | righteous revenge for the Prequels.<br>
| |
− | 203. The Daughters of Sora Kell are not a Lilith Fair
| |
− | band.<br>
| |
− | 204. You will not ask any Rakshasa Prince to endorse
| |
− | frosted flakes by saying "They'reee GREAAAAAT!"<br>
| |
− | 205. You may shorten my rank to Cap'n, however my surname
| |
− | is Jarlot, not "Crunch".<br>
| |
− | 206. You may not hang five warforged from the keel to
| |
− | make a Newton's cradle.<br>
| |
− | 207. That right is reserved for me and me alone.<br>
| |
− | 208. You will not build a stepladder into the Warforged.<br>
| |
− | 209. Or a bucket seat.<br>
| |
− | 210. Or an umbrella.<br>
| |
− | 211. The Warforged is not a nutcracker.<br>
| |
− | 212. Nor can he light fires by snapping his fingers.<br>
| |
− | 213. You will not refer to Esravash as 'that old
| |
− | windbag'.<br>
| |
− | 214. The Warforged will not be referred to as 'Johnny
| |
− | 5'.<br>
| |
− | 215. The Artificer will not be referred to as 'MacGyver'
| |
− | unless that is his name.<br>
| |
− | 216. You may not name an Artificer 'MacGyver'.<br>
| |
− | 217. You are not Indiana Jones, this is not the Temple
| |
− | of Doom.<br>
| |
− | 218. Even if is looks like it.<br>
| |
− | 219. You will not randomly push people off bridges in
| |
− | Sharn 'to see if gravity still works'.<br>
| |
− | 220. You are not Korben Dallas.<br>
| |
− | 221. You are not named Gar ir'Baldi, and you are
| |
− | not the security chief of Argonth 5. <br>
| |
− | 222. ...Though that's not a bad idea for a
| |
− | campaign.<br>
| |
− | 223. Aereneal Elves are not to be referred to as 'Hot
| |
− | Topic Elves'.<br>
| |
− | 224. You will not greet Valenar Elves by yelling "Ya
| |
− | Hya Chouhada!"<br>
| |
− | 225. Valenar Elves do not speak with a bad Middle Eastern
| |
− | accent.<br>
| |
− | 226. ...or 'Praise Allah.'<br>
| |
− | 227. You may not be the gnomish bard who invented the
| |
− | saxophone.<br>
| |
− | 228. There is no football stadium in Sharn, and Sharn's
| |
− | team does not have Juggernaut linemen.<br>
| |
− | 229. Your Boots of Striding and Springing do not have
| |
− | the 'swoosh' logo on them.<br>
| |
− | 230. Dragons are not Vorlons.<br>
| |
− | 231. Daelkyr are not Shadows.<br>
| |
− | 232. The Tarrasque will not be reffered to as 'Mr.
| |
− | T.'<br>
| |
− | 233. Mr. T. will not be imitated under any circumstances.<br>
| |
− | 234. Nor will MC Hammer.<br>
| |
− | 235. Or Michael Jackson.<br>
| |
− | 236. Singing 'Thriller' or 'Living
| |
− | Dead Girl' in the company of Aereneal Elves is not acceptable.<br>
| |
− | 237. The Changeling will not use the Warforged to break
| |
− | his fall.<br>
| |
− | 238. Your Shifter was not an original cast member of
| |
− | 'CATS'.<br>
| |
− | 239. Your Bard's name is not Idina, Maureen, Elphaba,
| |
− | or Aida.<br>
| |
− | 240. King Boranel will not be referred to as 'gramps'.<br>
| |
− | 241. You will not carry a largish bath towel and a
| |
− | book that you claim contains all the information you need to survive out there.<br>
| |
− | 242. You will not shoot down the Giant Owl and Gargoyle
| |
− | members of Sharn's postal service.<br>
| |
− | 243. Good Warforged are not Autobots, evil ones are
| |
− | not Decepticons.<br>
| |
− | 244. Warforged Druids are not Maximals or Predacons,
| |
− | for that matter.<br>
| |
− | 245. You will not, under any circumstance, use the word
| |
− | 'kender'.<br>
| |
− | 246. You are not allowed to refer to Warforged as 'Cylons'.<br>
| |
− | 247. You are not allowed to pick fights with the leaders
| |
− | of major religions.<br>
| |
− | 248. You are not allowed to hit on them either.<br>
| |
− | 249. ...especially if doing so would violate Thranish
| |
− | age of consent laws.<br>
| |
− | 250. That wand is not your pimp stick, and please take
| |
− | off that stupid hat.<br>
| |
− | 251. Refering to the shifter as "Whiskers",
| |
− | "Mittens", "Garfield", "Princess Frou-Frou", "Kitty",
| |
− | or "Fluffy" is strictly prohibited... while he is within earshot.<br>
| |
− | 252. Despite the fact that House Cannith has a mostly
| |
− | Warforged staffed Concierge service, it is not appropriate to call all Warforged
| |
− | you meet after that "Concierge".<br>
| |
− | 253. Despite the fact that Merrix d'Cannith wears a
| |
− | rainbow wig, a t-shirt that says "I <3 Warforged", and drools all
| |
− | over himself mumbling "Mournlands..." does not mean that you can make
| |
− | fun of him... while he is within earshot.<br>
| |
− | 254. Under no circumstances are you to refer to King
| |
− | Kaius as "Lord Zedd", nor Queen Auralia as "Rita Repulsa".
| |
− | They are not both in cahoots to stop us from saving the world, nor are they
| |
− | plotting to send giant monsters into Sharn.<br>
| |
− | 255. Pope Jaela is *not* River Tam, and you may not
| |
− | invite her to come with us on our journey.<br>
| |
− | 256. Even if she wants to.<br>
| |
− | 257. And even if the paladin thinks she'll be "dreamy"
| |
− | in a couple of years.<br>
| |
− | 258. Yes, I am aware that the paladin is female; let
| |
− | a man have his dreams.<br>
| |
− | 259. You will not refer to the captains of other ships
| |
− | (land or air based) as "The guy that's about to be thrown overboard".<br>
| |
− | 260. Even if that is so very, very true.<br>
| |
− | 261. King Borenal's mother was not, in fact, a hamster.
| |
− | Nor did his father smell of elderberries. Any assertions to the contrary will
| |
− | be met with deadly force by the Darklanterns.<br>
| |
− | 262. Using the skyskiff to pick up chicks is strictly
| |
− | prohibited.<br>
| |
− | 263. Unless you bring back enough for everyone.<br>
| |
− | 264. After the Captain orders you to clean the boat,
| |
− | you will not tell him to "go wax his prow" or "get the mast out
| |
− | of his poop deck".<br>
| |
− | 264. Though you are a shifter, you do not have the "heart
| |
− | of a lion, wings of a bat"; no matter how much you want them.<br>
| |
− | 265. We are not changing the name of the boat to Limozeen.<br>
| |
− | 266. The Eldeen Reaches are not "the best place
| |
− | to pitch trash over the side of the ship". Do you *not* understand the
| |
− | concept of Druids?<br>
| |
− | 267. Wroat is not short for "Deep Wroat" despite
| |
− | what those Changeling "escorts" told you.<br>
| |
− | 268. No, you cannot have the cleric cast Remove Disease
| |
− | on you now. You have to suffer for a bit. We warned you about Droaam girls,
| |
− | but *no*, you didn't listen.<br>
| |
− | 269. Besides, he has to cast Remove Disease on me first.
| |
− | And I'm the Captain. So there.<br>
| |
− | 270. House Lyrandar does *not* speak Al Bhed, despite
| |
− | similar clothing styles and airship useage. "Ku clnaf ouincamv!" and
| |
− | "Ouin sudran ec y fruna!" are not good conversation starters.<br>
| |
− | 271. There is not a Black Mage Academy; and even if
| |
− | there was, you couldn't go study there.<br>
| |
− | 272. Under no circumstances are you to sing the theme
| |
− | of "The Greatest American Hero" while you are riding a soarsled through
| |
− | Sharn.<br>
| |
− | 273. Do not refer to the Warforged as "Man of Steel
| |
− | Man".<br>
| |
− | 274. After casting Fireball at the Lord of Blades, calling
| |
− | him "LOBster Thermidor" is just adding insult to injury.<br>
| |
− | 275. So feel free to do that any time the occasion arises.<br>
| |
− | 276. The Seren barbarians do not speak with heavy Cockney
| |
− | accents. Calling them Guv'nah will just **** them off more.<br>
| |
− | 277. King Kaius is not "a blatant rip off of that
| |
− | Angel character". Saying such things to his face is frowned upon, and may
| |
− | result in your quite timely death.<br>
| |
− | 278. The Aurrum are not to be refered to as "Ferengi".<br>
| |
− | 279. The ship's cabin boy is not to be refered to as
| |
− | "anchor".<br>
| |
− | 280. Despite having been used as such on several occasions.<br>
| |
− | 281. We will not pay for a Reincarnate, Ressurection,
| |
− | or True Ressurection after you are smote for making innapropriate advances toward
| |
− | Pope Jaela.<br>
| |
− | 282. I don't care if she was wearing a short skirt.<br>
| |
− | 283. You will not refer to the Paladin's Wand of Cure
| |
− | Light Wounds as "The Magic Stick".<br>
| |
− | 284. It is not okay to ask her to "hit it twice"
| |
− | if she has already used a charge on you.<br>
| |
− | 285. "Why don't you come back to my place and exorcize
| |
− | the demon?" is *not* anything resembling a good pick-up line, and may not
| |
− | be used on any cleric, paladin, or priest of any religion.<br>
| |
− | 286. Especially if you're a Tiefling or Half-Fiend.<br>
| |
− | 287. Especially not Jaela.<br>
| |
− | 288. Paladins of the Silver Flame are not to be referred
| |
− | to as "Flamer Crusaders".<br>
| |
− | 289. Nor may you accompany that insult with a limp-wristed
| |
− | wave.<br>
| |
− | 290. Talenta Halflings do not like being called "Barney-riding Kender".<br>
| |
− | 291. Limericks are strictly forbidden after the incident
| |
− | at the Cathedral of the Silver Flame. Let us never speak of it again.<br>
| |
− | 292. Gorgons do not make good house pets.<br>
| |
− | 293. Neither do cockatrices. I am not paying for another
| |
− | Stone to Flesh.<br>
| |
− | 294. When the Paladin uses Turn Undead, it does not
| |
− | make her into a zombie. Telling the townsfolk such things is a bad practice.<br>
| |
− | 295. You may not mock the Paladin if she fails a Turn
| |
− | Undead attempt by asking her if she was "Turning Japanese" by mistake.<br>
| |
− | 296. Going fishing for dinosaurs while hovering over
| |
− | the Talenta Plains is *not* a good idea.<br>
| |
− | 297. If you catch a rider along with the dinosaur, calling
| |
− | it a "two-fer" in their presence may make someone upset.<br>
| |
− | 298. Not me, though, because that's hilarious.<br>
| |
− | 299. The Captain is not to be refered to as "Cap'n
| |
− | Mehoff".<br>
| |
− | 300. There are not 15 houses. House Atreides, House
| |
− | Harkonnen, and House Corrino are *not* real. You just got really drunk.<br>
| |
− | 301. Don't tell that to Baron Harkonnen, though, he
| |
− | gets really sensitive about those kinds of things.<br>
| |
− | 302. The Valenar are not Fremen, they will not teach
| |
− | you how to ride sandworms. Stop asking them.<br>
| |
− | 251. When a Gatekeeper druid tells you his faction,
| |
− | the appropriate response is never "I am the Keymaster!"<br>
| |
− | 252. When sneaking through the Keeper's lair, it's not
| |
− | a good idea to point at one of the Shards and say "Hey, is that Elvis?"<br>
| |
− | 253. Stop asking every changeling you meet whether you
| |
− | can join the Dominion.<br>
| |
− | 254. The state of accelerated action and awareness created
| |
− | by Time Stop is not to be referred to as "bullet time" or "entering
| |
− | the Matrix".<br>
| |
− | 255. When your elemental galleon comes in to dock, with
| |
− | a wharf ahead and to its right, it is not appropriate to exclaim "There's
| |
− | Klingons on the starboard bow!"<br>
| |
− | 257. It's wrong to try and make warforged obey the Three
| |
− | Laws of Robotics.<br>
| |
− | 258. The return of the Dhakaani empire will not be like
| |
− | the South Rising Again.<br>
| |
− | 259. The Dawning of the Next Age of the Kalashatyr will
| |
− | not be when the Moon is in the Second house and Jupiter aligns with Mars...<br>
| |
− | 260. Shadowrun is not the official future for Eberron.<br>
| |
− | 261. Harry Potter does not attend Hogwarts in Aundair.<br>
| |
− | 262. Despite what the rules say, tossing a bag of rats
| |
− | over someone while you have great cleave doesn't allow you to hit them a dozen
| |
− | times in a single turn.<br>
| |
− | 263. Lhazaar is not pronounced "Laz E Boy".<br>
| |
− | 264. It is wrong to tell warforged that the proper greeting
| |
− | for a stranger from a culture he hasn't visited is to punch him in the face.<br>
| |
− | 265. The solution to every problem is not "Blow
| |
− | them all to Hell with fireballs and let god sort them out".<br>
| |
− | 266. Thaliost isn't to be referred to as Belfast.<br>
| |
− | 267. It is wrong to linger in King Kaius's undead harem.<br>
| |
− | 268. Even if I do.<br>
| |
− | 269. The Crusade against werecreatures was not motivated
| |
− | by furry porn and it's wrong to spread this.<br>
| |
− | 270. Money acquired from corpses, treasure chests, robbed
| |
− | victims, and the like will be stored in banks and not buried on unfamiliar islands
| |
− | or placed in other dungeons with monsters hired from Droaam to guard them.<br>
| |
− | 271. We will not try and open this as an alternative
| |
− | to Mror Hold banking.<br>
| |
− | 272. It's wrong to tell warforged that the Treaty of
| |
− | Thronehold was fake and they're their secret contact to give them orders to
| |
− | rise up and slaughter all the humans the day after you leave.<br>
| |
− | 273. The words "RAMMING SPEED" will be ordered
| |
− | by the Captain and the Captain alone on this vessel.<br>
| |
− | 274. It is not permissable for the wizards onboard to
| |
− | 'Aurala Slap' a sorcerer with his spellbook.<br>
| |
− | 275. Even if the Sorcerer laughs about them having to
| |
− | use books.<br>
| |
− | 276. I will not psyche up warforged before battle by
| |
− | saying "You do not know pain, you do not know fear, you will taste Man-flesh!" <br>
| |
− | 277. Even if they are really curious about what Man-flesh
| |
− | tastes like.<br>
| |
− | 278. It's wrong to point out that Cardinal Kronzen looks
| |
− | exactly like Tim Curry.<br>
| |
− | 279. And that he looks like Monty Burns when he taps
| |
− | his fingers together and says "Excellllllent."<br>
| |
− | 280. And that he usually reveals his plans by just turning
| |
− | to the side and muttering things like "Do they suspect I intend to have
| |
− | the King killed?"<br>
| |
− | 281. I will not refer to the Queen's champion in Thrane
| |
− | as D'Artangne.<br>
| |
− | 282. We will not give the money we steal from the rich
| |
− | to the poor.<br>
| |
− | 283. Even if we told the Paladin this.<br>
| |
− | 284. And we operate from an Eldeen Reaches forest...<br>
| |
− | 285. Called Sherwood...<br>
| |
− | 286. And we're all very Merry.<br>
| |
− | 287. It is wrong to tell the warforged that "You
| |
− | can kiss my robot ass" is a socially acceptable response to all questions.<br>
| |
− | 288. Cloud Strife and Squall Lionheart are not recruitable
| |
− | to our cause, nor will we use our money to open up mercenary academies called
| |
− | Gardens.<br>
| |
− | 289. It is wrong to liberally quote Braveheart to incite
| |
− | Rebellion in Northern Breland.<br>
| |
− | 290. Not only is it very wrong to offer Pontiff Jaela
| |
− | candy to get in a coach with you... this Pirate ship in no way condones what
| |
− | you're thinking.<br>
| |
− | 291. Clicking your heels is not a way to greet Kaius's
| |
− | daughter.<br>
| |
− | 292. Or to take you back to Kansas.<br>
| |
− | 299. Our next target is not the Ruby encrusted slippers
| |
− | of Aurala's sister so we can go back there.<br>
| |
− | 300. The Trust are not Gnome Ninjas.<br>
| |
− | 301. We will not buy a submarine to hunt warships of
| |
− | the Brelish crown.<br>
| |
− | 302. Nor can you refer to me as Nemo.<br>
| |
− | 303. Even if the Island I own is mysterious.<br>
| |
− | 304. This ship is not a Democracy and you cannot vote
| |
− | me off as leader.<br>
| |
− | 305. Or my island.<br>
| |
− | 306. Dungeons and Dragons the movie is not set in Aundair.
| |
− | Even we recognize Aundair has more value than that.<br>
| |
− | 307. It is wrong to attempt to rig the Race of Winds
| |
− | in Sharn...<br>
| |
− | 308. So the Tortoise wins.<br>
| |
− | 309. Selina Kyle is not a Shifter Rogue.<br>
| |
− | 310. Clayface is not a Fat Changeling.<br>
| |
− | 311. I repeat, I am not Batman.<br>
| |
− | 312. You will never ask the Cult of the Dragon Below
| |
− | worshipping the Dark Six to allow you to choose the form in which the Traveller
| |
− | shall come.<br>
| |
− | 313. Even if the marshmallows will make us a bundle.<br>
| |
− | 314. I do not know kung fu.<br>
| |
− | 315. Only the Monk Does.<br>
| |
− | 316. The Monk does not know drunken boxing, however...<br>
| |
− | 317. The monk cannot refer to junior crew as "grasshopper".<br>
| |
− | 318. Jaela cannot defeat evil by getting a team of young
| |
− | girl priestesses together who wear short skirts... it's wrong to tell her there's
| |
− | a sacred reason for it.<br>
| |
− | 319. She does not have a Silver Millennium Crystal.<br>
| |
− | 320. It is wrong to tell her "COSMIC FLAME POWER"
| |
− | is an appropriate statement for the use of high-level attack spells.<br>
| |
− | 321. The Knights of Thrane are not the Flaming Knights...<br>
| |
− | (special thanks above)<br>
| |
− | 322. Shouting Attacks before I do them is just dumb.<br>
| |
− | 323. I will not breed Aberrations using spells to make
| |
− | them cute in the hope of creating Pokemon.<br>
| |
− | 324 ...or Chocobos.<br>
| |
− | 325. The Lord of Blades does not have a wacky sidekick
| |
− | plotting against him called Starscream.<br>
| |
− | 326. Jaela being the Chosen is meant that she will be
| |
− | their spiritual leader and guide. It does not mean that she will get a highly
| |
− | educated Brelish demonologist to follow her while she hunts demons.<br>
| |
− | 327. King Boranal is not Sean Connery, I don't know
| |
− | why the crew keeps using Sean Connery's accent to immitate him.<br>
| |
− | 328. You are not allowed to use a warforged's severed
| |
− | head with a light spell as an impromptu everbright lantern.<br>
| |
− | 329. Even if it's dark in the sewers of Sharn and you
| |
− | forgot to bring yours.<br>
| |
− | 330. No, the warforged fighter cannot hurl the shifter
| |
− | barbarian at his enemies.<br>
| |
− | 331. Even with an action point.<br>
| |
− | 332. *sigh* Ok, roll your Strength check.<br>
| |
− | 333. The changeling cannot absorb the Talenta barbarian
| |
− | into herself and gain extra HP nor can she gain one use of the Rage ability.<br>
| |
− | 334. The martial artists at the embassy ball are members
| |
− | of the Royal Eyes of Aundair, not members of the "Crazy 88".<br>
| |
− | 335. The one on the left is not Gordon Liu.<br>
| |
− | 336. Even if he's bald and has a mask.<br>
| |
− | 337. When an agent of the Lord of Blades is defeated
| |
− | you shall not yell: "The Snitch! Fetch me my broom of flying, quick!"
| |
− | upon the appearance of a final messenger.<br>
| |
− | 338. Warforged are intelligent and articulate. They
| |
− | do not go around saying "WARFORGED!" all the time.<br>
| |
− | 339. When discovering dangerous eldritch machines in
| |
− | secret House Cannith research facilities, it is in bad form to yell: "We
| |
− | found the weapons of mass destruction!"<br>
| |
− | 340. There is no such thing as a Dragonmark of Caring,
| |
− | nor does my Bear Shifter have it on his tummy.<br>
| |
− | 341. The party mage must be refraned from telling the
| |
− | guards "These arent the warforged youre looking for."<br>
| |
− | 342. The bard must be immediately slain upon uttering
| |
− | the words "Anyone want to hear some Depeche Mode?"<br>
| |
− | 343. Even if someone does.<br>
| |
− | 344. The warforged must be discouraged from yelling
| |
− | "EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE!!" at random.<br>
| |
− | 345. The Silver Flame is not lit by propane.<br>
| |
− | 346. Nor is it the Olympic flame.<br>
| |
− | 347. Nor is it a trash incinerator.<br>
| |
− | 348. We do not 'dump our garbage before going to lightspeed'.<br>
| |
− | 349. Warforged are not Omnimechs.<br>
| |
− | 350. They arent protomechs, either. So stop cutting
| |
− | them open to 'make sure the pilot is dead'.<br>
| |
− | 351. We don't do orbital bombardment.<br>
| |
− | 352. Air strikes are still okay.<br>
| |
− | 353. Our job is not "To kill our enemies, to see them
| |
− | driven before us, and to hear the lamentations of their women". That's what
| |
− | we do on our days off.<br>
| |
− | 354. Mustn't use the fire elemental powering the airship
| |
− | to light cigars.<br>
| |
− | 355. Elves don't call people "Mr. Anderson".<br>
| |
− | 356. The warforged isn't named Bender.<br>
| |
− | 357. He doesn't run on alcohol, either.<br>
| |
− | 358. Dont hum the 'Lumberjack' song around someone from
| |
− | the Eldeen Reaches.<br>
| |
− | 359. Unless you really want to.<br>
| |
− | 360) Yes, everyone DOES expect the 'Thranish Inquisition'!
| |
− | They've already done it twice. Stop saying otherwise.<br>
| |
− | 361) Any warforged uttering the phase "I'll be
| |
− | back" will under no circumstances be allowed to reboard the ship.<br>
| |
− | 362) Darkvision is not 'Infravision'. You cannot hide
| |
− | yourself from it by setting your surroundings on fire.<br>
| |
− | 363) If you are a Valenar Elf traveling with 12 demon
| |
− | waste barbarians, you may not refer to yourself as Ahmad Ibn Fadlan or "the
| |
− | thirteenth warrior".<br>
| |
− | 364) Even if you are.<br>
| |
− | 365) Kalashtar, or Psions in general, named Akira or
| |
− | Tetsuo will be immediately pitched overboard (regardless of altitude).<br>
| |
− | 366) Repeat after me: "The Mournland is not the
| |
− | world's greatest open air dungeon."<br>
| |
− | 367) Even though it is.<br>
| |
− | 368) The Lord of Blades does not have any difficulty
| |
− | whistling "Pop goes the weasel".<br>
| |
− | 369) Nor does he get his abilities from the Autobot
| |
− | Matrix.<br>
| |
− | 370) Shouting "Victory is mine!" is a sure
| |
− | way to have it wrested from you at the most inopportune moment.<br>
| |
− | 371) The name of this airship is the Forgotten Freedom,
| |
− | not the 'Millennium Falcon', the 'Bebop', or the 'Titanic.'<br>
| |
− | 372) Those are travelling papers, not a "multi-pass".
| |
− | Stop refering to them as such.<br>
| |
− | 373) Any spellcaster whose somatic component for web
| |
− | is to fold his ring and middle finger back onto his palm while flexing his hand
| |
− | down at the wrist is simply begging to be stabbed in his sleep.<br>
| |
− | 374) You cannot polymorph your crewmates into uninjured
| |
− | versions of themselves simply because no one bothered to play a cleric.<br>
| |
− | 375) Whoever sold you that information regarding the
| |
− | location of a dragon orb ripped you off.<br>
| |
− | 376) And no, it isn't worth investigating "just
| |
− | in case".<br>
| |
− | 377) Halflings and gnomes in Eberron are not to be played
| |
− | simply for comic relief.<br>
| |
− | 378) Otter shifters named "Mudge" will be
| |
− | feathered with arrows on sight, just on general principle.<br>
| |
− | 379) As will "Jon-Tom", his human bard companion.<br>
| |
− | 380) And any oracle pigs brought on board will be butchered
| |
− | for bacon and ham.<br>
| |
− | 381) Refering to Cyrans as having "Gulf War Syndrome"
| |
− | is very uncouth, and will not be tolerated.<br>
| |
− | 382) Even if you and I WERE both there.<br>
| |
− | 383) You will not attempt, under any circumstances,
| |
− | to pay a hoard of homeless bums a few cp each to follow you around and 'overbear'
| |
− | any opponents you yourself cannot defeat.<br>
| |
− | 384) Even though that is really funny.<br>
| |
− | 385) Nor will you refer to me as "B.A." simply
| |
− | because I will not allow you to do any of the 384 things that come before this
| |
− | rule.<br>
| |
− | 386. If we successfully steal a submarine, we will not
| |
− | paint it yellow.<br>
| |
− | 387. Dreamlily is not known as pot in other worlds.<br>
| |
− | 388. We are already the most wanted group in all of
| |
− | Eberron. Do not attempt to place bets on who can get their bounties up higher.<br>
| |
− | 389. You will not humiliate guardsmen...<br>
| |
− | 390. Unless they really have it coming.<br>
| |
− | 391. Wayne Brady does not have to choke a ho.<br>
| |
− | 392. Nor do you.<br>
| |
− | 393. It is inappropriate to ho out the Catgi...err shifter.<br>
| |
− | 394. If you do, then do not put her in a diamond studded
| |
− | collar.<br>
| |
− | 395. Even if she really likes it.<br>
| |
− | 396. ESPECIALLY do not attach a leash to it.<br>
| |
− | 397. Aundair is the nation of Magicians, Artists, and
| |
− | Intrigue, not the land of "Frog's legs eating surrender monkeys".<br>
| |
− | 398. Morgaive University is not to be referred to as
| |
− | "Miskatonic University".<br>
| |
− | 399. Even if it has a copy of the Necronomicron in it's
| |
− | library and an abnormally high rate of doomed expeditions into the unnamable
| |
− | reaches.<br>
| |
− | 400. I will not feed warforged screws, nuts, and bolts
| |
− | at dinner time.<br>
| |
− | 401. The warforged is not to refer to me or any other
| |
− | human as "meatbags".<br>
| |
− | 402. Dragons will never be referred to as "Puff".<br>
| |
− | 403. Nor will you offer them maidens as a sacrifice.<br>
| |
− | 404. Especially not female crew members who won't put
| |
− | out.<br>
| |
− | 405. I will not attempt to graft warforged parts onto
| |
− | my body and ask to use the Rules of Shadowrun for this.<br>
| |
− | 406. I will not pretend Mage the Ascension rules is
| |
− | optional for D&D.<br>
| |
− | 407. Or Exalted.<br>
| |
− | 408. I am not Captain Harlock, nor am I the Rubber Band
| |
− | character from One Piece.<br>
| |
− | 409. Any attempt to test this will result in walking
| |
− | the plank.<br>
| |
− | 410. Which is not a metaphor for homosexuality.<br>
| |
− | 411. The Plank is not a diving board.<br>
| |
− | 412. Nor can you have the shifter girl use a lifeboat
| |
− | to turn tricks...<br>
| |
− | 413. Or call it "Inara's shuttle".<br>
| |
− | 414. The ship's library is not to be emptied and replaced
| |
− | with nothing but porn and Ann Rand.<br>
| |
− | 415. Even if that would change nothing.<br>
| |
− | 416. When fighting the Lord of Blades you will NOT sing
| |
− | "You've got the Touch".<br>
| |
− | 417. 'Dare to be Stupid' is appropriate.<br>
| |
− | 418. As pirate, we find Talk Like A Pirate Day to
| |
− | be unnecessary.<br>
| |
− | 419. Especially just to make conversations incomprehensible.<br>
| |
− | 420. Marish the Shifter Girl is to be reminded her race
| |
− | is terrifying and feral, not cute and fuzzy.<br>
| |
− | 420. Despite its bad attiude, the druid's Awakened Horrid
| |
− | Rat is NOT named Foamy.<br>
| |
− | 421. If a skiff crashes in a city, we aren't going after
| |
− | it. This ain't "Air Ship Down".<br>
| |
− | 422. Thou shalt NOT repel boarders with Alchemist's Fire.<br>
| |
− | 423. We dont make bombing runs with "Bigby's Crushing
| |
− | Tactical Nuke".<br>
| |
− | 424. Unless we have a pool going as to who can get the
| |
− | closest to the target.<br>
| |
− | 425. A Karnnathi Skeleton or Zombie is not a Deadite.<br>
| |
− | 426. You are not allowed to send Arawai a Mother's Day
| |
− | card, signed "The Fury".<br>
| |
− | 427. The proper way to repair a warforged does not involve
| |
− | an Erector set.<br>
| |
− | 428. The warforged is not on this ship to sell drinks.<br>
| |
− | 429. We don't know the way to San Jose.<br>
| |
− | 430. Don't call the shifter to a meal by shouting "HERE
| |
− | KITTY, KITTY, KITTY."<br>
| |
− | 431. Even if he asks you to.<br>
| |
− | 432. Don't use Alter Self to get at King Kaius's harem.<br>
| |
− | 433. Ever.<br>
| |
− | 434. Using Prestidigation to paint someone hot pink
| |
− | while they sleep is tacky.<br>
| |
− | 435. Funny, but tacky.<br>
| |
− | 436. The Deck of Many things isn't to be used for a game
| |
− | of poker.<br>
| |
− | 437. Or blackjack.<br>
| |
− | 438. Or Baccarat.<br>
| |
− | 439. Or Old Maid.<br>
| |
− | 440. When given an order by the captain, the correct
| |
− | response is 'Yes, sir'. Not 'sez you'.<br>
| |
− | 441. We don't deliver pizza in 30 minutes or less.<br>
| |
− | 442. In Eberron, killing them because they are goblins
| |
− | is not encouraged...<br>
| |
− | 443. Even if the vast majority of them are still evil.<br>
| |
− | 444. Flumphs do not attach themselves to people's faces
| |
− | and lay their eggs until they burst out of a person's chest...<br>
| |
− | 445. Even if that would make them a much better creature.<br>
| |
− | 446. Singing I like Darguneese to the tune of "I
| |
− | like Chinese" will not win you friends.<br>
| |
− | 447. No you CANNOT outdrink the dwarf...<br>
| |
− | 448. Do not refer to Boranal as Azoun, Arthur, or Aragorn.<br>
| |
− | 449. No Erandis D'Vol is not Fistdantilius's daughter
| |
− | or Skeletor's sister or the girl from the Corpse Bride.<br>
| |
− | 450. Stop spreading rumors that Merrix D'Cannith runs
| |
− | a chocolate factory with a Xen'drick orange gnome race and that you can get
| |
− | in by finding golden tickets hidden worldwide.<br>
| |
− | 451. Marish the shifter girl cat is not McDonalds, no
| |
− | matter how many she's served.<br>
| |
− | 452. Do not refer to Henchmen crew as "Red Shirts".<br>
| |
− | 453. Do not play Taps when we're exiting the ship with
| |
− | the Henchmen crew just recruited.<br>
| |
− | 454. We have a high enough fatality rate as it is, do
| |
− | not PK because you're having a really bad day at work and we've got a cleric
| |
− | with raise dead finally.<br>
| |
− | 455. Alf is not our god nor is Long John Silver's our
| |
− | Temple. I don't even want to know how you came up with that link.<br>
| |
− | 456. On a related note, Optimus Prime is not the warforged
| |
− | god and it is wrong to tell them so.<br>
| |
− | 457. I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts, though I may
| |
− | kill you today.<br>
| |
− | 458 through 460. NO you cannot invent Gunpowder!<br>
| |
− | 461. Singing "The Bare Necessities" is not
| |
− | a good way to endear yourself to a subsistence-living Bugbear tribe.<br>
| |
− | 462. Crew members Raistlin Majere, Drizzt Do'Urden,
| |
− | Kenshin Himora, and any variations on these above will be forced to fight to
| |
− | the death in a battle royal.<br>
| |
− | 463. And the winner's killed.<br>
| |
− | 464. You are not allowed to use a halfling to go 'Dino
| |
− | fishing'.<br>
| |
− | 465. You are not allowed to use a Fireball to go Dino
| |
− | giggin'.<br>
| |
− | 466. The party cleric is not "Dr. Feelgood".<br>
| |
− | 467. You are not allowed to ho out the shifter girl
| |
− | for 5 gp per trick.<br>
| |
− | 467. It's 10 gp per trick.<br>
| |
− | 468. You are not dating the Daughters of Sora Kell.<br>
| |
− | 469. Errandis d'Vol is not to be refered to as "Lichie
| |
− | Lich".<br>
| |
− | 470. Or "That dried-up old Lich".<br>
| |
− | 471. You are not allowed to train an army of kobolds
| |
− | and name them "Tucker's Kobolds".<br>
| |
− | 471. Even if your name IS Tucker.<br>
| |
− | 472. The warforged juggernaut is NOT the ship's anchor.<br>
| |
− | 473. Nor is he the airship's 'emergency brake'.<br>
| |
− | 474. Fnord does not exist.<br>
| |
− | 465. Getting the bard to play the Star Wars theme and
| |
− | begging the cleric to tell you to "use the Force" while you magic
| |
− | missile the portholes of enemy ships is expressly forbidden. <br>
| |
− | 466. Suggesting to the captain that he acquire a regiment
| |
− | of Karnnathi dead for use as marines and rechristen the "Forgotten Freedom"
| |
− | the "Black Pearl" merits being marooned with a hand crossbow and
| |
− | one bolt on the Ring of Syberys.<br>
| |
− | 467. Bards inclined to perform Wagner's "The Ride
| |
− | of the Valkyries" durring strafing runs will be sent below decks forthwith.<br>
| |
− | 468. Questioning Kalashtar crew members as to how "Harvey"
| |
− | is doing, asking whether or not they had a "prodigal roommate" in college,
| |
− | or making any references to the possibility of their entire race being a bunch
| |
− | of paranoid schizophrenics is frowned upon....even though it's so true.<br>
| |
− | 469. Use of divinations to see what Pontiff Jaela is
| |
− | going to look like when she hits puberty is forbidden unless the rest of the
| |
− | crew is invited to see as well.<br>
| |
− | 470. "Cause we're pirates!" is not an excuse
| |
− | for any action I choose to do.<br>
| |
− | 471. I do not fear a crocodile that took my hand.<br>
| |
− | 472. The first mate is not to be referred to as Smee.<br>
| |
− | 472. My mortal enemy is not Peter Pan.<br>
| |
− | 473. We will not ask the artificer to build a laser
| |
− | sword with guns on it that shoots other swords.<br>
| |
− | 474. If we did, I would own it.<br>
| |
− | 475. Shooting a man in the face because he asked for
| |
− | my identification is not an acceptable response...<br>
| |
− | 476. Especially when we paid for fake IDs.<br>
| |
− | 477. Queen Aurala is not the villainess in the movie
| |
− | "Willow".<br>
| |
− | 478. No referring to the Engine Room chief as "Scotty".<br>
| |
− | 479. Even if he is from the part of Breland they wear
| |
− | kilts in.<br>
| |
− | 480. Pirates cannot survive falls of a million feet
| |
− | because we're Pirates and thus awesome.<br>
| |
− | 481. It is wrong to test this on others.<br>
| |
− | 482, It is wrong to put on a hockey mask and take a machete
| |
− | to chase co-eds around Lakes or Universities.<br>
| |
− | 483. I don't care if you were really drunk when you
| |
− | did it.<br>
| |
− | 484. Being a shapechanged druid does not give you permission
| |
− | to hump people's legs.<br>
| |
− | 485. Or any other part of their body.<br>
| |
− | 486. There are no crocodiles in the sewers of Sharn.<br>
| |
− | 487. It is wrong to add them.<br>
| |
− | 488. We do not have phasers or photon torpedoes.<br>
| |
− | 489. Prince Jurian will not be "hoisted by his
| |
− | own petard" whenever we find him.<br>
| |
− | 490. The proper response for disobediance from the shifter
| |
− | is bread and water at meal times, not spanking.<br>
| |
− | 491. Illithids do not worship "Great Cthulhu".<br>
| |
− | 492. When attacking a Riedran Stronghold guarded by
| |
− | Beholders, Elementalists, and Martial Artists... we do not do our best to act
| |
− | out Big Trouble From Little China.<br>
| |
− | 493. There is not only one true God whose name is Keith
| |
− | Baker.<br>
| |
− | 494. It is wrong to tell Worshippers of the Silver Flame
| |
− | that they worship a bunch of dead feathered snakes.<br>
| |
− | 495. Rakshasas are not to be referred to as "Tony".<br>
| |
− | 496. Vengeance from the Boramar clan does not take the
| |
− | form of a Fish being delivered into the coat of an enemy.<br>
| |
− | 497. You are not going to convince the head of the Boramar
| |
− | clan that he needs you as a psychiatrist.<br>
| |
− | 498. It is wrong to use suggestion to convince Prince
| |
− | Oargev he's gay.<br>
| |
− | 499. Umbragen will not be referred to as "the shrill-voiced drow wannabes".<br>
| |
− | 500. The Keep on the Borderlands is not Little nor is
| |
− | it inhabited by a bunch of wholesome homesteaders.<br>
| |
− | 501. There's no such thing as Gnome Gninjas.<br>
| |
− | 502. Even if there were, the extra silent "G"
| |
− | doesn't make them any more deadly.<br>
| |
− | 503. We will not christen our next airship any of the
| |
− | following:<br>
| |
− | The Hindenberg<br>
| |
− | The Titanic<br>
| |
− | Fireball XL5<br>
| |
− | Prometheus<br>
| |
− | Daedalus<br>
| |
− | Definitely not Icarus<br>
| |
− | Any numeral preceeded by any variation on the word 'Thunderbird'<br>
| |
− | Laputa<br>
| |
− | Cloudbase<br>
| |
− | Aundair Force One<br>
| |
− | 505: The Kalashtar Soulknife is not a Jedi.<br>
| |
− | 506: You will not use Unseen Servant in that manner.
| |
− | I don't care if it feels nice.<br>
| |
− | 507: Kalashtar do not have a little angel and/or a little
| |
− | devil on their shoulder.<br>
| |
− | 508: The Burning Ring is not your personal sandbox.<br>
| |
− | 509: No, you cannot call LoB "Ah-nold, the Governator".
| |
− | It would inflate his ego.<br>
| |
− | 510: You shall not call Clevis the Kalashtar Soulknife
| |
− | "Cleavage".<br>
| |
− | 511: Even if I made it up.<br>
| |
− | 512: Prince Oargev is not Aragorn.<br>
| |
− | 513: The Skyway is not Laputa.<br>
| |
− | 514: The warforged is forbidden to complain that because
| |
− | he can't get drunk, high, or laid, he has nothing to do at night.<br>
| |
− | 515: The warforged is not just a garbage can with sparks
| |
− | coming out of it.<br>
| |
− | 516: And the sparks do not keep him warm.<br>
| |
− | 517: The handshake will not be replaced by the "skullpunch"
| |
− | no matter how much you want it to be.<br>
| |
− | 518: The changeling is forbidden to be alone with a
| |
− | full length mirror.<br>
| |
− | 519: Not all bridges of Sharn cast Featherfall, and
| |
− | leaping over the sides of each is not a good method to determine which do.<br>
| |
− | 520: Wrapping an unconscious hostage in a cloak will
| |
− | do little to dissuade suspicion when you march through Morgrave with him over
| |
− | your shoulder.<br>
| |
− | 559. I will not use the pyromancer's wands to perform
| |
− | a drum solo.<br>
| |
− | 560. I will evenly divvy up the loot from the bad guys.
| |
− | Unless someone is bigger/has a bigger weapon then me.<br>
| |
− | 561. Then he gets everything.<br>
| |
− | 562. The warforged was not built by 'Cyberdyne'.<br>
| |
− | 563. I will not drag race the airship.<br>
| |
− | 564. Especially if I'm drunk.<br>
| |
− | 565. I will not outfit the airship with nitrous.<br>
| |
− | 566. Or 'spinners'.<br>
| |
− | 567. The airship will not time warp at 88 miles per
| |
− | hour, and I should not try to make it do so.<br>
| |
− | 560. If the Captain should say "Make It So"
| |
− | or "Engage" before heading out, or if he should stand up and tug his
| |
− | shirt down with both hands, he shall be punished by being hoist on his own Picard.<br>
| |
− | 569. Davy Jones's Locker is not the closet of a member
| |
− | of the Monkees.<br>
| |
− | 570. Nor is that Davy Jones a pirate.<br>
| |
− | 571. Keith Baker is not a character in Eberron nor would
| |
− | he be a huge sexual dynamo old man wizard.<br>
| |
− | 572. Half-Elves are not to be referred to as the Diet
| |
− | Rum of Elfdom.<br>
| |
− | 573. Nor are they to be called Tanis.<br>
| |
− | 574. Eberron does not have gatling guns, pistols, machine
| |
− | guns, cannons, artillery, or nukes.<br>
| |
− | 575. If it did have Nukes, we would probably go for
| |
− | a much more small-scale weapon in our weapon's runs.<br>
| |
− | 576. Droaam is not a Dungeon.<br>
| |
− | 577. We do not go to Droaam to 'Level Up'.<br>
| |
− | 578. The best response for Droaam is not "Hack n'
| |
− | Slash all night long".<br>
| |
− | 579. We do not start conversations with NPCs with the
| |
− | words "How much EXP are you worth?"<br>
| |
− | 580. Mordain Fleshweaver is not to be asked if he can
| |
− | give you a tattoo.<br>
| |
− | 581. Or give you bigger boobs or other extremities.<br>
| |
− | 582. We'll drop the "official list" at 1001
| |
− | and keep adding on for fun... again if no one else wants to take it over (I
| |
− | can't update again because I'm webpage illiterate).<br>
| |
− | 583. He cannot make you look like an anime character.<br>
| |
− | 584. You do not look like an anime character already.<br>
| |
− | 585. Mordain Fleshweaver is not to be treated like a
| |
− | plastic surgeon at all.<br>
| |
− | 586. Nor are Daelkyr.<br>
| |
− | 587. Time Machines cannot be built in Eberron.<br>
| |
− | 588. If they could be, they would not be used to go
| |
− | into the future to get energy weapons.<br>
| |
− | 589. Or to go hang out with robots.<br>
| |
− | 590. Or to play Shadowrun.<br>
| |
− | 591. The Shadow Marches are not Mordor.<br>
| |
− | 592. Nor does the Shadow live there next to a volcano
| |
− | you can defeat him by throwing his ring into it.<br>
| |
− | 593. Do not refer to Half-Orcs as Uruk-Hai.<br>
| |
− | 594. Do not refer to Half-Orcs as "It's a damn
| |
− | pity that someone crazzaped on your face... oh that is your face?"<br>
| |
− | 595. House Cannith will not be referred to as Enron.<br>
| |
− | 596. House Deneith will not be referred to as Rent-a-Cop.<br>
| |
− | 597. House Lysander will not be referred to as Delta.<br>
| |
− | 598. House Jorasco will not be referred to as Saint
| |
− | Elsewhere.<br>
| |
− | 599. House Phiarlan and House Thuranni will not be referred
| |
− | to as Dark and Darkerer.<br>
| |
− | 600. House Vol was not the Addam's Family.<br>
| |
− | 602. The Age of Worms will not be a time of great food
| |
− | poisoning.<br>
| |
− | 603. The Ebon Triad is not a black rock band.<br>
| |
− | 604. All Aurala needs is not "a little loving"
| |
− | to decide to give peace a chance.<br>
| |
− | 605. We will NOT refer to the city of Thronehold as
| |
− | "A wretched hive of scum and villainy".<br>
| |
− | 606. Or Sharn.<br>
| |
− | 607. The Prime Minister of Breland will not be referred
| |
− | to as "Senator Palpatine".<br>
| |
− | 608. Or Supreme Chancellor Palpatine.<br>
| |
− | 609. We will not expect him to dissolve the council
| |
− | permanently when Boranal dies.<br>
| |
− | 610. Even if the Rebellion continues to gain support
| |
− | in the Senate.<br>
| |
− | 611. That is not why Merrix is building a laser on the
| |
− | moon... or as he calls it... his "Death Star".<br>
| |
− | 612. This is not Star Wars and the Lord of Blades is
| |
− | not your character's rebuilt father.<br>
| |
− | 613. Nor will the Lord of Blades become the Prime Minister's
| |
− | chief enforcer after he declares himself Emperor.<br>
| |
− | 614. You cannot blow up the Moon of Eberron by firing
| |
− | a fireball into its thermal exhaust port, right above the main port.<br>
| |
− | 615. You cannot build a airskiff that resembles an X-Wing.<br>
| |
− | 616. Jaela will not be pronounced Jaina nor does she
| |
− | have a brother named Jacen.<br>
| |
− | 617. We will not refer to the ship as an abattoir.<br>
| |
− | 618. No matter how many crew have died.<br>
| |
− | 619. Argonessan is not an Epic Level Dungeon.<br>
| |
− | 620. Or an Epic Level Campaign setting.<br>
| |
− | 621. Delayed blast Fireball will not be referred to
| |
− | as the Dragonslave.<br>
| |
− | 622. Your flaming sword is not the Sword of Light.<br>
| |
− | 623. You are not the Slayers or the redheaded small
| |
− | busted female magic user Lina Inverse.<br>
| |
− | 624. No matter how many people you kill.<br>
| |
− | 625. You will not steal Pontiff Jaela's carriage.<br>
| |
− | 626. Nor is it to be referred to as her Popemobile.<br>
| |
− | 627. Pontiff Jaela will not bring about a Cataclysm
| |
− | by challenging the gods, you're just using that as a justification to kidnap
| |
− | her.<br>
| |
− | 628. We do not "parlay" with prisoners.<br>
| |
− | 629. ...especially not for sexual favors.<br>
| |
− | 630. Even if they are hot.<br>
| |
− | 631. There is no such thing as a Pirate's Code.<br>
| |
− | 632. Nor should there be.<br>
| |
− | 633. Even if they are more guidelines.<br>
| |
− | 634. Valenar is not currently being menaced by Ganondorf
| |
− | Dragmire.<br>
| |
− | 635. Nor do they have a Triforce we should assemble.<br>
| |
− | 636. And their Princess is not named Zelda.<br>
| |
− | 637. Xen'drick is an island of mystery and wonders,
| |
− | it is not a place that is the dumping ground for everything that doesn't fit
| |
− | in the rest of the setting.<br>
| |
− | 638. Queen Aurala is not Kate Blanchett.<br>
| |
− | 639. Even if that would make you like her more.<br>
| |
− | 640. The Drow Trilogy of Modules cannot be played by
| |
− | simply substituting Queen Aurala as the secret goddess of the Umbragen.<br>
| |
− | 641. Into the Barrier Peaks will never be played ANYWHERE
| |
− | in Eberron.<br>
| |
− | 642. The module Castle Ravenloft is not how King Kaius
| |
− | became a vampire nor is he after a girl named Tatyana.<br>
| |
− | 643. Just because they are in the Constellations exist
| |
− | does not mean that the Dragon Triad is the same as the gods of Dragonlance or
| |
− | even the Forgotten Realms.<br>
| |
− | 644. The Esoteric Order of Aurreon is not to be referred
| |
− | to as "The Poor Man's Order of High Sorcery".<br>
| |
− | 645. They are not the Masons either.<br>
| |
− | 646. Riedra is not the 'most boringest' place on Eberron.<br>
| |
− | 647. Nor does Walt Disney rule it.<br>
| |
− | 648. The secret ingrediant to making warforged is not
| |
− | PEOPLE.<br>
| |
− | 649. It is wrong to tell warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 650. The Aristocrats is not an example of Aerenal Humor.<br>
| |
− | 651. It is wrong to tell Warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 652. Valenar Warhorses are not fed People either as
| |
− | the secret to producing them.<br>
| |
− | 653. It is wrong to tell Karrnathians this.<br>
| |
− | 654. Dragon's blood is not to be slipped into King Boranal's
| |
− | drink during a state dinner.<br>
| |
− | 655. If the female captive refuses to dine with the
| |
− | Captain, she will not dine with the crew naked.<br>
| |
− | 656. No matter how the crew wants it.<br>
| |
− | 657. If the Forgotten Freedom crashes on an island,
| |
− | we will not have Kate from Lost with us and wacky adventures as we explore
| |
− | the island. We will just most likely starve and or escape.<br>
| |
− | 658. Merrix D'Cannith doesn't have a brother named Doctor
| |
− | Moreau who works with Broken Ones.<br>
| |
− | 659. Khyber is not an Epic Level Dungeon.<br>
| |
− | 670. Nor can we make huge amounts of EXP by just collapsing
| |
− | the rocks on it.<br>
| |
− | 671. Lizardmen are not Voodoo-worshipping Creole.<br>
| |
− | 672. A human sacrifice is not the proper way to appease
| |
− | Kol Korran.<br>
| |
− | 673. Dol Dorn is not "like Dol Arrah" except
| |
− | badass and honorless and a guy.<br>
| |
− | 674. The King's Citadel does not have a secret enemy
| |
− | in SD-6 that is helped against by half-elf Sydney Bristow.<br>
| |
− | 675. Nor can I play this character.<br>
| |
− | 676. It is wrong to tell Warforged that he was built
| |
− | by a Doctor Light and he can gain the abilities of warforged he kills that were
| |
− | constructed by Doctor Wily.<br>
| |
− | 677. Prince Adal is not a transvestite and we will not
| |
− | return him to Queen Aurala in a dress... in public.<br>
| |
− | 678. I/we/you will not use the "213 Things That
| |
− | Skippy Is Not Allowed To Do" as a guideline for annoying others.<br>
| |
− | 679. Exceptions will be made on a case-by-case basis
| |
− | when I will personally find it to be funny.<br>
| |
− | 680. For the last time, NONE of us are Batman.<br>
| |
− | 681. I have not yet decided if it is wrong to tell Warforged
| |
− | this.<br>
| |
− | 683. Nor will we use it to run an express delivery service
| |
− | for a senile researcher in Sharn.<br>
| |
− | 683. The ancient orcish shaman who tells you to leave
| |
− | those ruins alone is not doing that because "he's got something totally
| |
− | sweet stashed in there".<br>
| |
− | 684. You don't get to rough him up, kill him, or otherwise
| |
− | incapacitate him and go look...<br>
| |
− | 684 (a). ...unless and until I see some manner of documented
| |
− | proof of your ability to perform exorcisms and/or banishments. The real kind.
| |
− | No more waving your arms and shouting "ooga booga."<br>
| |
− | 685. Just because the cleric heals you doesnt mean he
| |
− | likes you.<br>
| |
− | 687. All warforged repair kits lack Duct Tape, and are
| |
− | therefore worthless.<br>
| |
− | 688. "I wish [the captain, the first officer, the
| |
− | bad guy, the DM] would shut up" is a waste of a Wish spell, and will get
| |
− | you keel hauled.<br>
| |
− | 689. Halflings are not all named Gollum.<br>
| |
− | 690. Short shifters are not Ewoks.<br>
| |
− | 691. Tall shifters are not Wookiees.<br>
| |
− | 692. Wizards and sorcerers will not cast Polymorph spells
| |
− | with the words "Form of..." or "Shape of..."<br>
| |
− | 693. Sharn is not an airship obstacle course.<br>
| |
− | 694. The Awakend oak tree, Oalian, is not to be referred
| |
− | to as 'Woody'.<br>
| |
− | 695. You are not authorized to sell loggging permits
| |
− | for the Eldeen Reaches.<br>
| |
− | 696. Whether Warforged have souls is irrelevant, stop
| |
− | trying to sell them one.<br>
| |
− | 697. You do not kick ass for the Lord. No, not even
| |
− | the paladin.<br>
| |
− | 698. A Tarrasque on the loose cannot be solved by
| |
− | "Summoning Mothra".<br>
| |
− | 699. Stop handing out religious tracts with explosive
| |
− | runes inside.<br>
| |
− | 700. You sell them, material components don't grow on
| |
− | trees.<br>
| |
− | 703. "Bluevine" is a wine, not a curse.<br>
| |
− | 704. Waking the captain by sloshing water in his face
| |
− | and yelling "We're going down, save yourself!" is not funny.<br>
| |
− | 705. Unless he runs onto deck wearing only his boots
| |
− | and his Wally Warforged pajamas. Then it's hilarious.<br>
| |
− | 706. Warforged do not have ignition keys.<br>
| |
− | 707. An air elemental powered airship is not a 'hybrid'.<br>
| |
− | 708. Don't whiz on lightning coach conductor stones.<br>
| |
− | 709. Don't swap a House Sivis sending stone for an ordinary
| |
− | rock.<br>
| |
− | 710. Krakens don't make good calamari.<br>
| |
− | 711. Rigging the privy lid with a Fire Trap is just
| |
− | wrong.<br>
| |
− | 712. Funny, but wrong.<br>
| |
− | 713. The Sphere of Annihilation is not to be used to
| |
− | play dodgeball.<br>
| |
− | 714. Dont use beads of force to play marbles, either.<br>
| |
− | 715. Mustn't use the airship to write 'SURRENDER DOROTHY'
| |
− | over Sharn.<br>
| |
− | 716. Flamekeep is still fair game, though.<br>
| |
− | 717. Musn't reply to the bad guy's tirade with, "Oh,
| |
− | I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention."<br>
| |
− | 718. And don't ask "Do you want fries with that?"
| |
− | either.<br>
| |
− | 719. The bard is to refrain from singing songs by Celine
| |
− | d'Ion at all times.<br>
| |
− | 720. We mean it.<br>
| |
− | 721. There is no Sarah Connor, so I mustn't send the warforged
| |
− | out to find her.<br>
| |
− | 722. The airship is named Forgotten Freedom, not the
| |
− | Satellite of Love.<br>
| |
− | 723. The Lord of Blades does not drink Mad Dog WD-40.<br>
| |
− | 724. Blood-drinking, evil, undead, soul-stealing horrors
| |
− | are VAMPIRES, not lawyers.<br>
| |
− | 725. 'Ill hit the brakes and he'll fly right by' never
| |
− | works in airship to airship combat, so I should not try it.<br>
| |
− | 726. The captain must not start each trip by shouting
| |
− | "NEXT STOP, XORIAT".<br>
| |
− | 727. The beatings will continue until morale improves.<br>
| |
− | 723. Whoever put the "We brake for no one!"
| |
− | bumper sticker on the back of the ship must step forward.<br>
| |
− | 724. It is wrong to post bounties on law enforcement
| |
− | officials pursuing us.<br>
| |
− | 725. Spreading tales of the "Head of Vecna"
| |
− | to kill competing but stupid adventurers is not a good way to clear the gene
| |
− | pool of deadwood.<br>
| |
− | 726. Law enforcement personnel shall not be referred
| |
− | to as Inspector Zenigata.<br>
| |
− | 727. The first mate is not a title for my concubine.<br>
| |
− | 728. Neither is second mate.<br>
| |
− | 729. Queen Aurala does not own a flying broom.<br>
| |
− | 730. Throneport is not made of emeralds so stop telling
| |
− | the warforged that it is.<br>
| |
− | 731. Inspector Gadget is not a Reforged with countless
| |
− | attachments.<br>
| |
− | 732. It is wrong to try the "Would you believe"
| |
− | joke from Get Smart on villains.<br>
| |
− | 733. It is wrong to spread rumors of Queen Aurala's
| |
− | demise.<br>
| |
− | 734. Then introduce the "Ding Dong" song to
| |
− | the locals to sing.<br>
| |
− | 734. No, it is not conceivably possible to make Queen
| |
− | Aurala hate us more.<br>
| |
− | 735. Or King Kaius.<br>
| |
− | 736. Boranal is still smarting over the duck incident.<br>
| |
− | 737. Poor innocent Jaela has no idea...<br>
| |
− | 738. It is wrong to polymorph dragons into bunnies that
| |
− | keep their hit dice and attack bonuses.<br>
| |
− | 739. Even if you hire a wizard named Tim to warn people
| |
− | off.<br>
| |
− | 740. Do not use Ghosts to age Jaela.<br>
| |
− | 741. It is wrong to break the Manifest Zone with Sharn
| |
− | and the Plane of Air to kill everyone.<br>
| |
− | 742. Especially for the EXP.<br>
| |
− | 743. Oalian does not talk extremely slow nor does he
| |
− | have any draughts that will make you taller.<br>
| |
− | 744. Half-Orcs do not have larger genitalia and it is
| |
− | wrong to tell girls this.<br>
| |
− | 745. Black Mages were not persecuted for centuries because
| |
− | of the color of their magic.<br>
| |
− | 746. It is wrong to try and base a Drow on Malcolm X.<br>
| |
− | 747. Even if he's from Xen'drick.<br>
| |
− | 748. Do not point to the Seven Sisters as an example
| |
− | of how Aurala should behave.<br>
| |
− | 749. Especially if you end the sentence... Slutty and
| |
− | Immortal.<br>
| |
− | 750. The artificer does not have a Quori named Six in
| |
− | his head... or if he does, we're a little surprised she's so attractive.<br>
| |
− | 751. When I said "Queen Aurala does not own a flying
| |
− | broom", that was not implying we should have sent her one. Now whoever did
| |
− | it step forward.<br>
| |
− | 759. I will not write Limericks about the Queen to make
| |
− | amends with her.<br>
| |
− | 760. Especially not on the side of her castle.<br>
| |
− | 761. I will not ask King Kaius to shout out "Vae
| |
− | Victus(sp)" just for kicks.<br>
| |
− | 762. I will not ponder out loud the similarities between
| |
− | him and some noble who was corrupted with vampirism by choice, used, and wanted
| |
− | revenge.<br>
| |
− | 763. I will never, ever, ever again call King Kaius
| |
− | Batman. Especially not in his presence, and especially not while he is in bat
| |
− | form.<br>
| |
− | 764. I will not sell tourists exclusive bridge-building
| |
− | rights between the upper towers and Skyway.<br>
| |
− | 765. Unless the Captain gets at least a 50% share of
| |
− | all proceeds.<br>
| |
− | 766. I will not do a barrel roll.<br>
| |
− | 767. I will not do a barrel roll.<br>
| |
− | 768. I will not do a barrel roll.<br>
| |
− | 769. I will not perform an aerial water drop to put
| |
− | out the temple of the Silver Flame.<br>
| |
− | 770. The Glowing Chasm is not the latest manifestation
| |
− | of the Silver Flame.<br>
| |
− | 771. It is wrong to tell Paladins this.<br>
| |
− | 772. ...but if you can convince a few Cardinals, nobody
| |
− | we know will miss them.<br>
| |
− | 773. There are no tribes of clawfoot-riding Halflings
| |
− | who wear beards, dark goggles and black leather jackets with studs on the back
| |
− | spelling out 'Khyber's Couatls'.<br>
| |
− | 774. The Demon Wastes are not the Ashlands, nor does
| |
− | a Rakshasa Rajah named Dagoth Ur live in the volcano north of Ashtakala.<br>
| |
− | 775. And even if he does, you are not the true Nerevarine.<br>
| |
− | 776. At the lightning rail station, you are not allowed
| |
− | to respond to the House Orien guards with: "Traveling papers? We don't
| |
− | need no stinking traveling papers!"<br>
| |
− | 777. Kundarak Bank is not Gringots.<br>
| |
− | 778. Even if goblins are sometimes employed there.<br>
| |
− | 779. And there is no Diagon Alley in Sharn.<br>
| |
− | 780. When surrounded by Xen'drick drow after stealing
| |
− | their ancient idol, speaking Jovitos will not save your party.<br>
| |
− | 781. Nor can you command said drow to attack your rivals
| |
− | through hissing and sign language.<br>
| |
− | 782. The following character concept is prohibited:
| |
− | A dwarf artificer who became an adventurer after discovering a Myconid Kingdom
| |
− | in Khyber by traveling through the sewer pipes of Sharn."<br>
| |
− | 783. No character can cast fireball after eating a flower,
| |
− | regardless of concept.<br>
| |
− | 784. You cannot stump Merrix d'Cannith by asking him:
| |
− | "What is the riddle of steel?"<br>
| |
− | 785. Telling a warforged the answer to said riddle may
| |
− | cost you your life.<br>
| |
− | 786. You shall not paint Riedran monoliths in bright
| |
− | colors.<br>
| |
− | 787. Even if it is in accordance with your druidic holiday.<br>
| |
− | 789. A warforged repair kit does not contain a hydrospanner.<br>
| |
− | 790. The Mror Monument in the Ironroot Mountains is
| |
− | not the secret base of a worldwide police organization.<br>
| |
− | 791. Psion shapers, went they conjure up an astral
| |
− | construct, DO NOT yell out "Astralmon, I choose you!" nor "I
| |
− | play Astral Warrior in attack mode!"<br>
| |
− | 792. We will not name the secret 'companionship club'
| |
− | we run out of the Silver Flame monastery "Flurry of Blows".<br>
| |
− | 793. When in a bar, yelling "Kill the halflings"
| |
− | will not cause the Orcs to go into a frenzy. Causing a huge bar brawl.<br>
| |
− | 794. It is unwise to try such things when your Paladin
| |
− | speaks Orc.<br>
| |
− | 793. When a Cyran refugee laments the loss of their homeland,
| |
− | I will not slap them and say "The boat sank, get over it." <br>
| |
− | 794. "Mordenkainen's Magnificent Duct Tape of Warforged
| |
− | Repair" does not exist, and I should not sell any more rolls of Duct Tape
| |
− | this way.<br>
| |
− | 795. There is no way a warforged's rear will light up
| |
− | like a lightning bug if they just 'flex the right muscle', and I should stop
| |
− | telling them this.<br>
| |
− | 796. The poop deck IS a deck, but is used for something
| |
− | else.<br>
| |
− | 797. No, you can't invent Phoenix air-to-air missiles.<br>
| |
− | 798. I will not paint the elf black while they sleep.<br>
| |
− | 799. Aereneal elves worship 'deathless' elves, not a
| |
− | 'bunch of old farts'.<br>
| |
− | 800. A warforged's nose will not get longer if they
| |
− | lie, and I should stop telling this to the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 801. There is no artifacer named Geppetto that will make
| |
− | any warforged into a 'real boy'. I shoul stop telling this to the warforged,
| |
− | as well.<br>
| |
− | 802. The Shifter is not named Scooby Doo.<br>
| |
− | 803. Thou shalt not infer that King Kiaus was turned into
| |
− | a vampire by a sentient runeblade Vol sent him as a birthday gift. <br>
| |
− | 804. Therefore, you may not refer to him as "Arthas",
| |
− | nor hint that Vol is simply a gender-confused Lich king.<br>
| |
− | 805. By the same logic, there is no army of undead preparing
| |
− | to cleanse Khorvaire of the living races in preperation for a demonic invasion... and
| |
− | Karrnath wouldn't have anything to do with it, if there was.<br>
| |
− | 806. Under no circumstances are you to free Rajahs if
| |
− | they promise to say "tremble mortals, and despair, Doom has come to this
| |
− | world!" when they get out.<br>
| |
− | 807. Refrain from calling that tribe of Orc barbarians
| |
− | in the Demon Wastes who serve the Rajahs the "Blackrock Clan", "Warsong
| |
− | Clan", or demanding to speak with Grom Hellscream upon capture by said
| |
− | orcs.<br>
| |
− | 808. Thou shalt not join Pontiff Jaela's personal guard
| |
− | in order to get close enough to cast "heightened extended charm person"
| |
− | on her outside of Flamekeep, where her Will save isn't epic.<br>
| |
− | 809. For the last time, you do NOT need a codpiece of holding.<br>
| |
− | 810. The artificer would not build you one, regardless.<br>
| |
− | 811. You shall not retort to the villain's bravado by yelling
| |
− | "How appropriate. You fight like a cow!"<br>
| |
− | 812. Insults need not rhyme when you're an airship pirate.<br>
| |
− | 813. While wit is useful for picking up chicks, skill
| |
− | with a sword is much more useful in a battlefield situation. Knowing the proper
| |
− | response to every insult your opponent makes will not help you win.<br>
| |
− | 814. Nobody falls for "Look! A three-headed monkey!"<br>
| |
− | 815. Under no circumstances will we be looking for the
| |
− | fabled treasure of Big Whoope.<br>
| |
− | 816. Stop asking. I'm serious.<br>
| |
− | 817. There is no Evil Monkey hiding in my foot locker.<br>
| |
− | 818. My name is not Neo.<br>
| |
− | 819. Using a Silence spell on the bad guy during his
| |
− | tirade, while appreciated, is bad form.<br>
| |
− | 820. Robbing the rich and feeding the poor wont get
| |
− | me a 'freebie' from the hot paladin chick.<br>
| |
− | 821. Lighting the camp fire with alchemist's fire and
| |
− | a bottle of hooch is a bad idea.<br>
| |
− | 822. Must refrain from using Ray of Frost on the paladin
| |
− | chick's breastplate just before she takes it off.<br>
| |
− | 823. Unless I have been double-dog dared to do so.<br>
| |
− | 824. Nobody wants to hear my impression of Tira Mirron.<br>
| |
− | 825. Flapping your arms doesn't give you the ability
| |
− | to fly. And I must stop telling the gnomes, halflings, and warforged so.<br>
| |
− | 826. Must not refer to the halfling barbarian as runt,
| |
− | squirt, shorty, or mini-me.<br>
| |
− | 827. Jamming a quill in the warforged's ear and twisting
| |
− | his nose will not sharpen the quill. I must stop telling the wizards this.<br>
| |
− | 828. Must not encourage the group to enter combat from
| |
− | the airship via HALO drop.<br>
| |
− | 829. Gnomes don't bounce.<br>
| |
− | 830. Feline shifters are neither cute nor fuzzy.<br>
| |
− | 831. ...okay, they are. But don't call attention to
| |
− | it.<br>
| |
− | 832. The warforged is not named "HAL".<br>
| |
− | 833. If he is, he does not have a master named "Dave".<br>
| |
− | 834. If he does, and Dave asks him to do something,
| |
− | he can do it perfectly well, thank you very much.<br>
| |
− | 835. No members of Llesh Haruuc's court "have
| |
− | the power."<br>
| |
− | 836. Especially not the power of voodoo.<br>
| |
− | 837. And they definitely don't "remind him of the
| |
− | babe".<br>
| |
− | 838. Aundair does not defend its fortresses through
| |
− | the use of scathing taunts and flung farm animals.<br>
| |
− | 839. No, you may not play a kender.<br>
| |
− | 840. Or a gully dwarf.<br>
| |
− | 841. Or ever say or do anything that has anything to
| |
− | do with Dragonlance. EVER.<br>
| |
− | 842. I must not fill the wizards inkwell with vanishing
| |
− | ink.<br>
| |
− | 843. There is no fourteenth Dragonmark, and I am not
| |
− | its only scion.<br>
| |
− | 844. Warforged do not run on D-cell batteries.<br>
| |
− | 845. King Kaius is not to be referred to as 'that pervy
| |
− | bastard'.<br>
| |
− | 846. Unless he's out of earshot.<br>
| |
− | 847. I do not have the power to call an Inquisition
| |
− | against the Silver Flame.<br>
| |
− | 848. I will not attack the darkness with Magic Missiles.<br>
| |
− | 849. My compass does not point to the Isla de Muerta.<br>
| |
− | 850. I will not paint copper pieces gold and sell them
| |
− | as 'Pre-Galifar coins'.<br>
| |
− | 851. Except to Morgraive University.<br>
| |
− | 852. I will not use the airship to make beer runs.<br>
| |
− | 853. Pizza runs are still okay.<br>
| |
− | 854. But I wanted a BUD LIGHT!<br>
| |
− | 855. I am not to stop on island LV-426 to check out
| |
− | a distress call.<br>
| |
− | 856. I am not to tease the shifter with an inflatable
| |
− | sheep.<br>
| |
− | 857. Unless the shifter is really drunk.<br>
| |
− | 858. The Fury is not 'just a misunderstood person who's
| |
− | really nice and fuzzy once you get to know her'.<br>
| |
− | 859. I am not to Scry the women's shower.<br>
| |
− | 860. Unless I have the captain's approval.<br>
| |
− | 861. And charge the crew 1 gp per head to watch.<br>
| |
− | 862. I will not refer to the blue haired shifter with
| |
− | longstride as "Sonic".<br>
| |
− | 863. Even if that's his name.<br>
| |
− | 864. Nor when he shifts will he be said to be going
| |
− | "Super Sonic".<br>
| |
− | 865. Merrix d'Cannith is not Dr. Robotnik in disguise.<br>
| |
− | 866. Kaius is not Meier Link in disguise.<br>
| |
− | 867. Nor is he "D".<br>
| |
− | 868. Vol is not Carmella.<br>
| |
− | 869. There is no such position in the Church of Silver
| |
− | Flame as Pontifical Bikini Inspector.<br>
| |
− | 870. Nor shall you apply to said position.<br>
| |
− | 871. Nor shall you get Jaela to wear said bikini whether
| |
− | or not you claim to be the inspector.<br>
| |
− | 872. No crew members are too get within 30 feet of Jaela.
| |
− | Not even the females. Or the warforged. But if you are dead and need a raise,
| |
− | then it's okay.<br>
| |
− | 873. Kobolds are not dogs.<br>
| |
− | 874. No, you can't have one.<br>
| |
− | 875. Do not attempt to burn Aurala at the stake.<br>
| |
− | 876. It is wrong to attempt to reconcile with Queen
| |
− | Aurala by polymorphing into her deceased love of her life.<br>
| |
− | 877. And only telling her you're not him the morning
| |
− | after.<br>
| |
− | 878. Even if I did it.<br>
| |
− | 879. Now that we've killed all the crew obsessed with
| |
− | the Pontiff, we're making a fresh new start.<br>
| |
− | 880. There will be no stalking Pontiff Jaela's nearly
| |
− | identical eighteen-year-old paladin sister.<br>
| |
− | 881. I don't care if she's hot as hell...<br>
| |
− | 882. Why not? Because I've got these two pistols and
| |
− | what the captain says, goes!<br>
| |
− | 883. I am not the father of Prince Jurian. Nor should
| |
− | I tell him that I am.<br>
| |
− | 884. The Kalashatyr follow the path of light. Mine does
| |
− | not follow a variant called "The Path of Blow S*** up".<br>
| |
− | 885. There will be no clones made of Jaela's nearly identical
| |
− | older sister in their adolescence.<br>
| |
− | 886. That's it, you're all food for the sharks.<br>
| |
− | 887. Apparent gpologies, the Paladin has explained the
| |
− | Silver Flame glow makes Jaela a target for reverence and love that is entirely
| |
− | nonsexual.<br>
| |
− | 888. Recanting apologies as soon as a crew member referred
| |
− | to her sitting in laps as the closest thing to a lapdance you'll get...<br>
| |
− | 889. There will be no fan art of Queen Aurala as a Sailor
| |
− | Scout.<br>
| |
− | 890. Or a Porn Ear Elf.<br>
| |
− | 891. You cannot "log out" of Eberron when
| |
− | I'm boring you with my rules.<br>
| |
− | 892. Our secret base is not Blood Gulch outpost.<br>
| |
− | 893. We do not have a tank named Sheila.<br>
| |
− | 894. Or a warforged named Lopez.<br>
| |
− | 895. Our enemies are not the Covenant...<br>
| |
− | 896. Or the Red team.<br>
| |
− | 897. No internet fanshows for any of you.<br>
| |
− | 898. Or anime.<br>
| |
− | 899. Or video games.<br>
| |
− | 900. Or RPGs.... wait... never mind that last one.<br>
| |
− | 901. Karrnath does not have a shortage of holy water.<br>
| |
− | 902. Nor should you try to end such a shortage by dumping
| |
− | holy water over the side of your airship onto the royal palace.<br>
| |
− | 903. Repeat after me, "There are other solutions
| |
− | besides fireballs."<br>
| |
− | 904. Do not refer to Orcs, goblins, etc. as happy meals
| |
− | for adventurers.<br>
| |
− | 905. Scrying on the changing rooms of the five nations'
| |
− | royal families is a bad idea. Selling copies of what you saw on a street corner
| |
− | is a suicidal idea.<br>
| |
− | 906. I do not care if they have been raised/resurrected/reincarnated.
| |
− | We do not call the warforged Simmons 2.0.<br>
| |
− | 907. First person to call me Sarge gets keel-hauled.<br>
| |
− | 908. No, we will not rechristen this ship "Foehammer",
| |
− | "Pillar of Autumn" or any other such nonsense.<br>
| |
− | 909. New standing order. The artificer is not allowed
| |
− | anywhere near the warforged while those designs for a KOS-MOS retrofit still
| |
− | exist.<br>
| |
− | 910. No, you may not paint the Forgotten Freedom black
| |
− | with red flames on it.<br>
| |
− | 911. Not even if painting flames on it really does make
| |
− | it go faster.<br>
| |
− | 912. Repeat after me. "I will not try to uproot
| |
− | First Tower with the Forgotten Freedom, some chain, and a rope ever again."<br>
| |
− | 913. Even if it is an eyesore.<br>
| |
− | 914. KP does not mean kitten patrol.<br>
| |
− | 915. It is wrong to tell warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 916. Repeat after me, "I will not taunt airborne
| |
− | dragons."<br>
| |
− | 917. Even if you think you can take them.<br>
| |
− | 918. No, the prophecy does not, in fact, reveal the
| |
− | Colonel's secret recipe.<br>
| |
− | 919. I will not point out discrepancies between what
| |
− | we have been told, and at what age females are typically wed in a quasi-medieval
| |
− | society.<br>
| |
− | 920. If I ever hear the words "Pants", "Bet"
| |
− | and "Jaela" in the same sentence again, I will hand you over to the
| |
− | Church of the Silver Flame myself, bound and gagged, with a note pinned to your
| |
− | shirt proclaiming you a heretic.<br>
| |
− | 921. The airship shall be under no circumstances renamed
| |
− | the "Highwind", nor the "Ragnorok", nor the "Hilde
| |
− | Garde I, II, or III", nor the "Invincible", nor the "Celsius".<br>
| |
− | 922. Nor shall any of the pilots or artificers be named
| |
− | Cid.<br>
| |
− | 923. After we slay whatever it is we are fighting, we
| |
− | shall not have the bard play a lively and triumphant tune while we strike victory
| |
− | poses.<br>
| |
− | 924. Unless I say so.<br>
| |
− | 925. The bound fire elemental is not named "Bomb".<br>
| |
− | 926. His name is Earl.<br>
| |
− | 921. I cannot make a god call to Keith Baker.<br>
| |
− | 922. Especially by calling his house late at night.<br>
| |
− | 923. Even if I'm a girl.<br>
| |
− | 924. The Knights of the Dinner Table are not examples
| |
− | of good roleplaying.<br>
| |
− | 925. Nor are the crew from Nodwick.<br>
| |
− | 926. No, we cannot invite Boranal to join the crew.<br>
| |
− | 927. I cannot make a god call to Keith Baker.<br>
| |
− | 928. Especially by calling his house late at night.<br>
| |
− | 929. Even if I'm a girl.<br>
| |
− | 930. The Knights of the Dinner Table are not examples
| |
− | of good roleplaying.<br>
| |
− | 931. Nor are the crew from Nodwick.<br>
| |
− | 932. No, we cannot invite Boranal to join the crew.<br>
| |
− | 933. Even if he really wants to join.<br>
| |
− | 934. It is wrong to loudly proclaim over megaphones
| |
− | during state Dinner that the Inspired ambassador is a possessing demon.<br>
| |
− | 935. It is also not "a neat trick" to have
| |
− | the Exorcist of the Silver Flame wave his hand over the Inspired and shoot out their
| |
− | soul.<br>
| |
− | 936. The new male sharpclaw shifter cannot have adamantium
| |
− | bonded to his skeleton.<br>
| |
− | 937. He is not allowed to smoke cigars.<br>
| |
− | 938. To say Bub.<br>
| |
− | 939. To start with an implanted ring of regeneration
| |
− | and amnesia...<br>
| |
− | 940. You cannot play Wolverine!<br>
| |
− | 941. It is wrong to use my name and likeness on a label
| |
− | for spiced rum.<br>
| |
− | 942. It is wrong to brew this brand onboard the ship.<br>
| |
− | 943. Especially during work hours.<br>
| |
− | 944. The Dragon Prophecy's Ultimate Purpose is not to
| |
− | find the Secret of Life, the Universe, and Everything.<br>
| |
− | 945. Nor is the answer 42.<br>
| |
− | 946. Buildings in Eberron do not miss the number 13
| |
− | because everything else seems to lack it.<br>
| |
− | 947. It is wrong to hide gelatinous cubes in the John.<br>
| |
− | 948. It is also wrong to have it automatically flush
| |
− | over Fairhaven.<br>
| |
− | 949. Do not serve Longstride Shifters roast rabbit.<br>
| |
− | 950. Do not refer to as the Demon Wastes as "The
| |
− | Rakshasas' Litterbox".<br>
| |
− | 951. Queen Aurala's brother is not the Wizard of Oz.<br>
| |
− | 952. The Twelve are not a Band.<br>
| |
− | 953. It is wrong to say that they are less exclusive
| |
− | than the Circle of Eight.<br>
| |
− | 954. If we find a phone booth that times travels... in
| |
− | this unlikely event.<br>
| |
− | 955. We will not kidnap celebrities of the past for
| |
− | a book report.<br>
| |
− | 956. Or refer to any of us as "The Doctor".<br>
| |
− | 957. Even the Doctor.<br>
| |
− | 958. King Kaius does not run a series of vampire nightclubs.<br>
| |
− | 959. King Kaius's first vampire creation is not named
| |
− | Nicholas Knight.<br>
| |
− | 960. Or Darla.<br>
| |
− | 961. The ship's adventures are not "Just like the
| |
− | adventures of Jerry Seinfield only they involve piracy".<br>
| |
− | 962. These rules are not optional.<br>
| |
− | 963. They are not suggestions.<br>
| |
− | 964. Destroying the List does not negate them.<br>
| |
− | 965. You cannot take them to the Supreme Court.<br>
| |
− | 966. Pleading insanity does not render you unable to
| |
− | follow them.<br>
| |
− | 967. You do not have a medical condition that requires
| |
− | you to hug Jaela.<br>
| |
− | 968. Or torment Queen Aurala.<br>
| |
− | 969. Or steal from Kaius.<br>
| |
− | 970. Or take insulin.<br>
| |
− | 971. Er... sorry, Jerry. I didn't realize you were a
| |
− | diabetic.<br>
| |
− | 972. It is wrong to set us up the bomb.<br>
| |
− | 973. The ghost of my former second in command does not
| |
− | haunt the ship's computer.<br>
| |
− | 974. Or my tank.<br>
| |
− | 975. There is no dyeing one of our crew's attire pink.<br>
| |
− | 976. Even if Donut IS a little light in the loafers.<br>
| |
− | 977. No, the Silver Flame did not appear to you and
| |
− | command that you be Jaela's Consort.<br>
| |
− | 978. Nor the Sovereign Host.<br>
| |
− | 979. Nor the Dark Six.<br>
| |
− | 980. A silver-haired girl claiming to be your child
| |
− | with her from the future is not proof.<br>
| |
− | 981. Especially if she resembles suspiciously a bard
| |
− | you were seen paying money to the night before.<br>
| |
− | 982. We do need five minutes to charge our secret weapon.<br>
| |
− | 983. We do not fight futilely for several minutes before
| |
− | our 'special attack'.<br>
| |
− | 984. We do not have a Victory Theme.<br>
| |
− | 985. Or a victory pose.<br>
| |
− | 986. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 987. You may not have a "Chemo-kitty" for
| |
− | your familiar.<br>
| |
− | 988. Even if they do need extra love.<br>
| |
− | 989. You do not have superpowers stemming from your
| |
− | boundless rage.<br>
| |
− | 990. A shovel is not an acceptable substitute for the
| |
− | monk's quarterstaff.<br>
| |
− | 991. The next person who asks the bard to "Play
| |
− | some Freebird" will be answering directly to the musicians' guild.<br>
| |
− | 992. See that sign on the wall? That's right. No Stairway.<br>
| |
− | 993. Dreamlily is not an acceptable substitute for any
| |
− | of the following: Cilantro, Oregano, Basil, Cloves, Garlic, Salt, or Pepper.<br>
| |
− | 994. No, you may not form a lobbyist group for the liberation
| |
− | of elementals.<br>
| |
− | 995. There is no cow level.<br>
| |
− | 996. The helmsman's name is not Maverick.<br>
| |
− | 997. Nor is it Iceman.<br>
| |
− | 998. We do not "rice out" the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 999. Nor the Forgotten Freedom.<br>
| |
− | 1000. When we are at speed, it is not acceptable to
| |
− | shout out "Vtec just kicked in yo!"<br>
| |
− | 1001. Repeat after me, "We do not sell out Captain
| |
− | Jarlot to the authorities."<br>
| |
− | 1002. In Karrnath, Cart does not drive you.<br>
| |
− | 1003. Nor does it in Riedra.<br>
| |
− | 1004. Maybe in the Lord of Blades' realm.<br>
| |
− | 1005. We will not make the warforged give us rickshaw
| |
− | rides.<br>
| |
− | 1006. Guy Fawkes day is not celebrated in Eberron.<br>
| |
− | 1007. Especially not with blowing up Parliament.<br>
| |
− | 1008. DO NOT allow the artificer to fuse a poison gas
| |
− | spell into his finger, then later say "Pull my finger."<br>
| |
− | <br>
| |
− | 1009. Jaela is not your betrothed.<br>
| |
− | 1010. King Kaius is not 'your *****'.<br>
| |
− | 1011. King Boranal does not 'owe you fifty from college'.<br>
| |
− | 1012. The bard is to refrain from singing "The Wreck
| |
− | of the Edmund Fitzgerald" as we leave port.<br>
| |
− | 1013. The warforged is not a wind-up toy.<br>
| |
− | 1014. Nor is he named Kryten.<br>
| |
− | 1015. The ship's cat is not a humanoid with a sense of
| |
− | style.<br>
| |
− | 1016. There is no spoon.<br>
| |
− | 1017. There IS a spork.<br>
| |
− | 1018. The Gods don't engange in drinking contests.<br>
| |
− | 1019. There are no leprechauns with pots of gold. I should
| |
− | not tell the greedy rogue this.<br>
| |
− | 1020. They don't have Frosted Lucky Charms, either.<br>
| |
− | 1021. Repeat after me, "I am not a bird, I am not
| |
− | an airship, I am not Superman."<br>
| |
− | 1022. And you still aren't Batman.<br>
| |
− | 1023. You will not polymorph yourself into a little boy
| |
− | and create a specilized invisibility spell that only Jaela can see though and
| |
− | attempt to be her special friend.<br>
| |
− | 1024. Or make said invisibility spell.<br>
| |
− | 1025. The next person who breaks any rules regarding
| |
− | Jaela will be smeared in food and told to walk the plank over an underwater
| |
− | temple of the Devourer.<br>
| |
− | 1026. Please, refrain from casting random fireballs
| |
− | at sacred druid groves... unless the captain says so.<br>
| |
− | 1027. Any umbragen who is a ranger, has two scimitars,
| |
− | and has a black panther onyx figurine will be shot on sight.<br>
| |
− | 1028. Clerics repeat after me "Undying are not
| |
− | to be turned."<br>
| |
− | 1029. To the Dark Side of the Force.<br>
| |
− | 1030. Japanese.<br>
| |
− | 1031. You do not really think so. You do not really
| |
− | think so.<br>
| |
− | 1032. Gay.<br>
| |
− | 1033. We will not offer to become Privateers for Kaius
| |
− | if he makes us an undead crew.<br>
| |
− | 1034. Commander Adama could not do a better job than
| |
− | me.<br>
| |
− | 1035. The Lord of Blades is not Doctor Doom.<br>
| |
− | 1036. Nor am I.<br>
| |
− | 1037. Cosmic Radiation will kill us, not give us superpowers.<br>
| |
− | 1038. If the human race is largely destroyed by warforged,
| |
− | we will not flee with a ragtag military fleet to the mythical continent of Riedra.<br>
| |
− | 1039. Or Earth.<br>
| |
− | 1040. Warforged are not part of a secret group called "SkyNet".<br>
| |
− | 1041 Putting springs on my Boots of Striding and Springing
| |
− | does not make me spring twice.<br>
| |
− | 1042. A Darkskull is not a good wedding present.<br>
| |
− | 1043. Or a good anniversary present, for that matter.<br>
| |
− | 1044. Skeksis do not come from Khyber.<br>
| |
− | 1045. Jaela does not want a piece of candy.<br>
| |
− | 1046. Potions of Love are not to be used indiscriminantly.<br>
| |
− | 1047. For instance, at a State banquet.<br>
| |
− | 1048. The captain of the Sharn Watch is not 'a jackbooted
| |
− | thug', and I should not try to convince others of this.<br>
| |
− | 1049. I must not place bets on the effects of a Rod
| |
− | of Wonder.<br>
| |
− | 1050. An Immovable Rod is not the ship's emergency brake.<br>
| |
− | 1051. I must not cast Alarm on the ship's latrine.<br>
| |
− | 1052. I must not cast Magic Mouth to say "WHEW!!
| |
− | What did you EAT?" when someone uses the latrine, either.<br>
| |
− | 1053. I must not replace the cleric's holy water with
| |
− | scotch.<br>
| |
− | 1054. Or vodka, either.<br>
| |
− | 1055. Undead can't get drunk.<br>
| |
− | 1056. The cleric is not a 'sawbones'.<br>
| |
− | 1057. The bard's songs are the greatest things I have
| |
− | ever heard.<br>
| |
− | 1058 Unless she is not around to hear me.<br>
| |
− | 1059 Then they are the tortured squawks of dying harpies.<br>
| |
− | 1060 King Kaius does not belong to the Camarilla.<br>
| |
− | 1061 Nor does he belong to the Sabbat.<br>
| |
− | 1062. The elemental ring around the airship does not
| |
− | 'pull-start'.<br>
| |
− | 1063. The artificer will not build a 'holodeck'. Did
| |
− | any of you actually -watch- Star Trek? Do you not know what happens?<br>
| |
− | 1064. The artificer will not build a wonderous item
| |
− | with unlimited uses of detect secret doors, detect traps, and silence so as
| |
− | not to have to pay the rogue a share of treasure for his services.<br>
| |
− | 1065. The captain will not address the airship's "AI".<br>
| |
− | 1066. Especially with the command "main screen
| |
− | turn on".<br>
| |
− | 1067. No officer shall report that anyone has "set
| |
− | us up the bomb".<br>
| |
− | 1068. Even if they have.<br>
| |
− | 1069. You will not refer to the Lhazaar Principalities
| |
− | as "evil Canada".<br>
| |
− | 1070. In all seriousness, you will not do a barrel roll.<br>
| |
− | 1071. The barbarian will not refer to his rage as a
| |
− | 'limit break'.<br>
| |
− | 1072. We do not waste a wish spell on wishing for theme
| |
− | music.<br>
| |
− | 1073. Especially not the Final Fantasy victory theme.<br>
| |
− | 1074. Or the Batman theme.<br>
| |
− | 1075. Because (say it with me..!) you are not Batman.<br>
| |
− | 1076. Even if you have levels in artificer, rogue, and
| |
− | the Master Inquisitive PrC.<br>
| |
− | 1077. The artificer will not craft a "batarang".<br>
| |
− | 1078. Nobody may call 'dibs' on NPC commoner's EXP values.<br>
| |
− | 1079. Nor on Jaela.<br>
| |
− | 1080. Even if you use an action point.<br>
| |
− | 1063. Your character may not control the mists of the
| |
− | Mournland (adopted from our Ravenloft campaign).<br>
| |
− | 1064. Not every ridge is a good place to throw the anchor.<br>
| |
− | 1065. Especially not the spires of Sharn.<br>
| |
− | 1066. The Glass Plateau is not a good place for ice
| |
− | skating.<br>
| |
− | 1067. Whenever you succeed a spot check, thou shalt
| |
− | not announce this by say "Listen! I smell something."<br>
| |
− | 1068. You do not have to ask "Anybody at home,
| |
− | MacFly" whenever you cast a knock spell.<br>
| |
− | 1069. Nor is the formula "Knock, knock, Neo!"<br>
| |
− | 1070. When your female char wakes up besides a handsome
| |
− | guy with a smile on her face, it is not funny to say "Why, oh, why didn't
| |
− | I take the blue pill?"<br>
| |
− | 1071. Even though their facial expressions may be poor,
| |
− | warforged are not constantly stoned. Thus though shalt not name them "Stoners".<br>
| |
− | 1072. Your warforged does not have to say "I'll
| |
− | be back" every time it leaves.<br>
| |
− | 1073. When you're being asked whether you're a god,
| |
− | you say "Yes!"<br>
| |
− | 1074. Deathless do not particulary enjoy Alphaville
| |
− | in general or "Forever Young" in particular.<br>
| |
− | 1075. The next bard who wants to play eighties music
| |
− | will be thrown overboard. Without harp.<br>
| |
− | 1076. You shall not call the ship's personality HAL nor
| |
− | remove its memory banks.<br>
| |
− | 1077. Remember that the ship's personality may read lips.<br>
| |
− | 1078. Giant crystal balls of *beep*, drugs and rock
| |
− | n' roll do not exist.<br>
| |
− | 1079. Kaius will not lend you his harem.<br>
| |
− | 1080. Warforged does not have anything to do with Warhol.
| |
− | Thou shalt not name your warforged Andy Warhol.<br>
| |
− | 1081. Nor have pop-art airbrushes.<br>
| |
− | 1082. The default way to use the ship in the dock is
| |
− | walk over the plank. Not to swing at a cord from the main mast and scream "Geronimooooooo!"<br>
| |
− | 1083. The warforged or any other character who weighs
| |
− | more than 1000 pounds while not having particular large feet should not go first
| |
− | in the swamp.<br>
| |
− | 1084. Thou shalt not call your goblin servant Toby.<br>
| |
− | 1085. Trying to talk ghosts in the Mournland into being
| |
− | nihilists and dissolve is not an approved tactic.<br>
| |
− | 1086. Not every level of Sharn below the one you are
| |
− | currently at is automatically a garbage dump.<br>
| |
− | 1087. Brilliant energy longswords are not lightsabers.<br>
| |
− | 1088. Thou shalt not quote the monologue of Lady Macbeth
| |
− | in Queen Aurala's presence.<br>
| |
− | 1089: No, the Artificer cannot build a lightsaber.<br>
| |
− | 1090: Nor can he make the ship make point five past
| |
− | lightspeed.<br>
| |
− | 1091: The Elemental Ring is not a garbage disposal.<br>
| |
− | 1092: Or a cigarette lighter.<br>
| |
− | 1093: The Warforged is not allowed to "light up"
| |
− | a Noxious Smokestick.<br>
| |
− | 1094: It is not time to buzz the tower.<br>
| |
− | 1095: You may not annoy the elemental by firing Rays
| |
− | of Frost at the Ring.<br>
| |
− | 1096: You cannot make the Kessel run in less than 12
| |
− | parsecs.<br>
| |
− | 1097. You still aren't Batman.<br>
| |
− | 1098. Walking up a flight of stairs does not mean you
| |
− | 'went up a level'.<br>
| |
− | 1099. The Draconic Prophecy is not "Live fast,
| |
− | die young, and leave a good-looking corpse".<br>
| |
− | 1100 - 1199. I cannot count. Do not correct me.<br>
| |
− | 1200. Niether is it "six parts gin to one part
| |
− | vermouth'.<br>
| |
− | 1201. We are not allowed to send messages to the Bad
| |
− | Guy reading "If youre not wearing any underwear, smile."<br>
| |
− | 1202. The warforged will NOT refer to himself in conversation
| |
− | in the third person, nor is he to start a sentence with "Me Grimlock..."<br>
| |
− | 1203. He is not allowed to start a barbarian rage by
| |
− | shouting "HULK SMASH!" either.<br>
| |
− | 1204. Lammania is not the 'forest plain of Endor'.<br>
| |
− | 1205. When repairing the warforged, be sure to attach
| |
− | his legs so he 'won't have to be in this ridiculous position'.<br>
| |
− | 1206. The Cogs are not to be refered to as Slumsville.<br>
| |
− | 1207. Even if they are a slum.<br>
| |
− | 1208. I may not sell the shifter for magic beans.<br>
| |
− | 1209. I may not form chain gangs.<br>
| |
− | 1210. Frostfell is not 'the Great White North'.<br>
| |
− | 1211. I will not ask Karnnathi citizens if they eat
| |
− | Karnnathi Bacon or regular Bacon.<br>
| |
− | 1213. Bug spray does not work on Stirges.<br>
| |
− | 1214. Daelkyr do not need to 'mellow'.<br>
| |
− | 1215. The Lords of Dust are not a drug gang.<br>
| |
− | 1216. An arcane caster from Lhazaar is not a "Wizard
| |
− | of the Coast".<br>
| |
− | 1217. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 1218. The warforged is not Iron Man.<br>
| |
− | 1219. Nor does he have jetboots.<br>
| |
− | 1220. Nor is the artificer allowed to make such a thing.<br>
| |
− | 1221. Nor is he allowed to make a "Beam Cannon".<br>
| |
− | 1222. For the last time there is no gunpowder in Eberron.<br>
| |
− | 1223. And no, you still aren't Batman.<br>
| |
− | 1224. Stop telling the warforged this as well.<br>
| |
− | 1225. You are not to convert to LG, take levels as a
| |
− | paladin of the Silver Flame, then fall and prestige class into blackguard simply
| |
− | because you think Pontiff Jaela would find a 'bad boy' irresistible.<br>
| |
− | 1226. It is also wrong to suggest this plan to the paladin,
| |
− | or any who are LG anyway.<br>
| |
− | 1227. You shall not refer to the warforged as, 'Your
| |
− | plastic pal who's fun to be with'.<br>
| |
− | 1228. You will not draw a moustache on The Face of
| |
− | Tira.<br>
| |
− | 1229. Nor a pair of glasses.<br>
| |
− | 1230. Nor will you pay someone to do it for you.<br>
| |
− | 1231. Nor enscroll them to do it either.<br>
| |
− | 1232. No one on the crew will ever say, 'What
| |
− | happens in Atur, stays in Atur.'<br>
| |
− | 1233. You will not refer to the Crimson Monastery as,
| |
− | 'The Blood Bank'.<br>
| |
− | 1234. You will not create a Karrnath military structure
| |
− | named any of the following: Fort Spleen, Fort Toenail, Fort Eyelash, Fort Small
| |
− | Intestine, or a fort named after any other part of a body.<br>
| |
− | 1235. You will not put a bumper sticker on the airship
| |
− | that says, 'My alma mater is Rekkenmark Academy'.<br>
| |
− | 1236. Even if it was.<br>
| |
− | 1237. We do not go to the plane of Daanvi before ordering
| |
− | out. The Plane of Perfect Order does not have anything to do with ordering food.<br>
| |
− | 1238. I don't care if Dal Quor is the Region of
| |
− | Dreams, you still aren't allowed anywhere near Jaela, even in that plane.<br>
| |
− | 1239. You shall not refer to the souls existing in Dolurrh
| |
− | as 'Deadheads'.<br>
| |
− | 1240. We do not have to go to Fernia to roast marshmallows.<br>
| |
− | 1241. Nor do we have to summon extra fire elementals
| |
− | just for that purpose. Use the ring around the airship like everybody else.<br>
| |
− | 1242. You shall not open a portal to Irian just to get
| |
− | a tan.<br>
| |
− | 1243. The Faerie Court does not mean what you think
| |
− | it does.<br>
| |
− | 1244. You are not to arrange for Pontiff Jaela to travel
| |
− | to Thelanis for 312 days, simply so she'll be 18 years old when she comes
| |
− | back.<br>
| |
− | 1245. Nor 676 days, so she'll be 25. <br>
| |
− | 1246. In fact, you're not allowed near her at
| |
− | all. Get over this obsession. <br>
| |
− | 1247. You are not to do evil things then say, "But
| |
− | I was possessed. A demon made me do it."<br>
| |
− | 1248. Unless that is the truth.<br>
| |
− | 1249. In which case we'll have a Exorcist of the
| |
− | Silver Flame exorcize you.<br>
| |
− | 1250. I said an Exorcist! Pontiff Jaela doesn't
| |
− | have any levels in that class, so don't bother getting yourself possessed.<br>
| |
− | 1251. The artificer infusion 'Suppress Requirement'
| |
− | does not suppress Thanish age of consent laws.<br>
| |
− | 1252. The spell is 'Feast of Champions'.
| |
− | not 'Breakfast of Champions'.<br>
| |
− | 1253. There is no official skill called 'sexual
| |
− | prowess'.<br>
| |
− | 1254. Thus, the artificer can not create a 'skill
| |
− | enhancement' item to improve your roll on said skill.<br>
| |
− | 1255. You will not take control of any of the Towers
| |
− | of Arcanix and dunk them in Lake Galifar.<br>
| |
− | 1256. Or any other bodies of water.<br>
| |
− | 1257. No one shall alter the maps. It's name is Lake
| |
− | Dark, not Lake Darkwing Duck.<br>
| |
− | 1258. We do not throw nets over the side of the airship,
| |
− | drag them along the ground, pull them up and refer to anything inside as 'the
| |
− | catch of the day'.<br>
| |
− | 1259. You will not refer to a group made up of House
| |
− | Vadalis, House Ghallanda, and House Cannith as 'the butcher, the baker,
| |
− | and the candlestick maker'.<br>
| |
− | 1260. A Prospector's Rod is a magic item for finding
| |
− | minerals in the ground. It is not a euphemism for a part of the half-orc's
| |
− | body.<br>
| |
− | 1261. An Essence of the Scout component for warforged
| |
− | does not require, literally, 'the essence of the scout'.<br>
| |
− | 1262. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 1263. Zakya Rakshasas are not to be referred to as
| |
− | 'T-I-Double-grrr-E-R'.<br>
| |
− | 1264. You will not learn the spell clone, simply in
| |
− | the hopes of finding a lock of Pontiff Jaela's hair somewhere. According
| |
− | to the spell description that won't work, and besides, that's
| |
− | just sick.<br>
| |
− | 1265. There will be no cloning Jaela to 18 years old so
| |
− | there's enough for everyone. <br>
| |
− | 1266. Jaela's mother is not a MILF.<br>
| |
− | 1267. Nor is Queen Aurala.<br>
| |
− | 1268. King Boranal's eldest daughter is not to be referred
| |
− | to as "my ticket to monarchial goodness".<br>
| |
− | 1269. King Boranal's younger daughter is not to be referred
| |
− | to as "my backup plan to monarchial goodness".<br>
| |
− | 1270. King Boranal romance with his wife is to not to
| |
− | described with the song from the Brady Bunch nor are they to be referred to
| |
− | as the "Borry Bunch".<br>
| |
− | 1271. We are not going to paint the warship orange with
| |
− | a big Cyrean flag on the bottom.<br>
| |
− | 1272. It is not the General Lee.<br>
| |
− | 1273. We are not a bunch of "Good ol' Boys".<br>
| |
− | 1274. Nor do we give "Rebel Yells".<br>
| |
− | 1275. Marish the Catgirl can wear Daisy Dukes.<br>
| |
− | 1276. Queen Aurala's slightly overweight brother is
| |
− | not to be referred to as "Boss Hog".<br>
| |
− | 1277. It is impossible to make an airship go fast enough
| |
− | to make leaps across ravines without using the flying mechanism.<br>
| |
− | 1278. Nor will we use it stop in midair to make narrations.<br>
| |
− | 1279. Even if we put wheels on it.<br>
| |
− | 1280 The airship does not contain a 'flux capacitor".<br>
| |
− | 1281 It is not powered by 'Mr. Fusion'.<br>
| |
− | 1282 It cannot reach 88 miles per hour, not even in
| |
− | a dive, so we're not going to try, so stop asking already.<br>
| |
− | 1283 It is not produced by d'Lorien (or even L. d'Orien.
| |
− | Scary coincidence, eh?) and it is not made of stainless steel, whatever that
| |
− | is.<br>
| |
− | 1284. Ducks are not Air to Air missiles.<br>
| |
− | 1285. Chickens and cows are not to be used as ammunition
| |
− | during airship bombing runs.<br>
| |
− | 1286) Signing Marish the Catgirl up to be the pontiff's
| |
− | holy playmate is strongly discouraged (yes, even is you offer to scry them for
| |
− | the whole crew while 'at play').<br>
| |
− | 1287) No one may refer to the warforged as "paranoid
| |
− | androids".<br>
| |
− | 1288) When we are repelling borders, demanding that
| |
− | they "go away or you shall taunt them a second time" is a waste of
| |
− | valuable resources. Stop it.<br>
| |
− | 1289) Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are the Deathless to be
| |
− | referred to as "Bubba Ho-teps".<br>
| |
− | 1290) No feat from the Book of Erotic Fantasy works
| |
− | on Jaela. Get over it.<br>
| |
− | 1291) "Eat my shorts" is not a proper response
| |
− | to the villain's monologue.<br>
| |
− | 1292) Where the Cleansing is concerned, shifters are
| |
− | not to be encouraged to "get over it".<br>
| |
− | 1293) Anyone caught "doing the robot" with
| |
− | the warforged had better be dancing.<br>
| |
− | 1294) No one may start a religion that worships twinkies.<br>
| |
− | 1295) Even though they are filled with wholesome goodness.<br>
| |
− | 1296) And are, in fact, the most awesomest snack food
| |
− | ever invented.<br>
| |
− | 1297) No, your character cannot devolop a tolerance
| |
− | for dreamlily.<br>
| |
− | 1298) Whomever has been betting the title to the ship
| |
− | on the kobold races had better stop it.<br>
| |
− | 1299) I don't care how many times you've won.<br>
| |
− | 1300) Just because the shifter hasn't bathed today,
| |
− | you may not refer to him as "Pigpen" or "the Lord of the Flies".<br>
| |
− | 1301) Stop encouraging the changeling to "look
| |
− | like Jaela" for you.<br>
| |
− | 1302) Stop feeding books to the shifters (it doesn't
| |
− | matter that they don't know the difference).<br>
| |
− | 1303) "Dee-dee-dee" is not a proper response
| |
− | to anything.<br>
| |
− | 1304) When a party member dies, no one may exclaim,
| |
− | "OMG, you killed Kenny! You s!"<br>
| |
− | 1305) And Mr. Hanky does NOT live in the Cogs.<br>
| |
− | 1306. The warforged do not have smell resistance<br>
| |
− | 1307. It is wrong to tell them so.<br>
| |
− | 1308. If for any reason you meddle in the affairs of
| |
− | the Chamber, I will personally tie you up and hand them a bottle of ketchup.<br>
| |
− | 1309. The Lord of Blades CAN chew nails and spit coins.<br>
| |
− | 1310. You can't.<br>
| |
− | 1311. The Mournlands is not to be referred to as "The
| |
− | Deadlands".<br>
| |
− | 1312. The group sorcerer is not a 'huckster'.<br>
| |
− | 1313. You may not Wish Jaela to be 18 years old.<br>
| |
− | 1314. So stop trying to bribe every wizard to cast the
| |
− | spell.<br>
| |
− | 1315. The airship does not have a CD player.<br>
| |
− | 1316. Hell, it doesn't even have an 8-track player.<br>
| |
− | 1317. The shifter will not be referred to as 'Morris'.<br>
| |
− | 1318. Even if he does tend to hum the damned 'Meow Mix'
| |
− | song.<br>
| |
− | 1319. We are not Greyhound and do not drive you anywhere
| |
− | for 69 gp.<br>
| |
− | 1320. For the love of the Host, DON'T leave the driving
| |
− | to us.<br>
| |
− | 1321. You are not allowed to try to skip the gnome across
| |
− | Lake Mirror.<br>
| |
− | 1322. You are not allowed to bullfight a Gorgon.<br>
| |
− | 1323. Not even if Jaela promises 'a kiss to the winner'.<br>
| |
− | 1324. When the bad guy is done with his tirade, do NOT
| |
− | ask "You and whose army?"<br>
| |
− | 1325. For he will show you whose army.<br>
| |
− | 1326. Never ask the bad guy if he has ever had an evilgasm.<br>
| |
− | 1327. Never ask the evil woman "Do you douche?"<br>
| |
− | 1328. The first person to say 'TGIF' DIES!!!!<br>
| |
− | 1330. You will not sacrifice minions to solve a problem.<br>
| |
− | 1131. You will not befriend the Elemental and call him
| |
− | Kitt.<br>
| |
− | 1132. The fire ring cannot be made to look like a blinking
| |
− | light in a triangle in front of the ship.<br>
| |
− | 1133. David Hasselhoff has not been cool for two decades...<br>
| |
− | 1134. If ever.<br>
| |
− | 1135. You will not have the Wolf Shifter magician helmsman
| |
− | cast cantrips on the ship to make "Airwolf" noises.<br>
| |
− | 1136. We cannot rebuild your character...<br>
| |
− | 1137. We do not have the technology.<br>
| |
− | 1138. Stop trying to make unholy experimentations of
| |
− | grafting warforged parts.<br>
| |
− | 1139. To answer the question definitively, NO you cannot
| |
− | harvest mithril or adamantine from dead warforged! It's like graverobbing!<br>
| |
− | 1140. The fact that graverobbing doesn't deter you should
| |
− | not encourage you!<br>
| |
− | 1141. Would you cut off the fingers of someone turned
| |
− | into gold by polymorph?<br>
| |
− | 1142. Yes is not a good answer.<br>
| |
− | 1143. NO, YOU CAN'T TRY IT!<br>
| |
− | 1144. You cannot get a dragonmark through skin grafts.
| |
− | So stop trying.<br>
| |
− | 1145. What the hell is wrong with your cleric!?<br>
| |
− | 1146. No, you cannot breed hippogriffons.<br>
| |
− | 1147. Or give THEM warforged grafts.<br>
| |
− | 1148. You shall not attempt to become Thranish privateers
| |
− | to get on Jaela's good side.<br>
| |
− | 1148. The Devourer is not the All-Powerful Sarlacc.<br>
| |
− | 1149. There are no Tusken Raiders in Valenar.<br>
| |
− | 1150. Just because elves have pointy ears does not mean
| |
− | they 'know this guy named Spock'.<br>
| |
− | 1151. We dont have phasers or photon torpedoes on the
| |
− | airship.<br>
| |
− | 1152. We don't even have a cuisinart.<br>
| |
− | 1153. Unless you count the warforged with the Whirlwind
| |
− | feat.<br>
| |
− | 1154. It's pretty Bitc#in to see.<br>
| |
− | 1155. No, he can't demonstrate it right now.<br>
| |
− | 1156. You are not allowed to make a film of the Sharn
| |
− | Watch in action and call it "Troops".<br>
| |
− | 1157. Nor can you call it "COPS".<br>
| |
− | 1158. And there is no show called "Aundair's Most
| |
− | Wanted".<br>
| |
− | 1159. And you may not make one.<br>
| |
− | 1160. Khorvaire's Wildest Watch Chases is okay.<br>
| |
− | 1161. 'Knock yourself out' is NOT a literal phrase
| |
− | or a legal order.<br>
| |
− | 1162. So stop telling it to the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 1163. YOU STILL AREN'T BATMAN!! GIVE IT UP, ALREADY!!!<br>
| |
− | 1164. Sneaking into the women's showers does not qualify
| |
− | you as an Extreme Explorer.<br>
| |
− | 1165. Ship's Log entries are not to be made in L33t 5p33k.<br>
| |
− | 1166. Anyone caught doing so will be keel-hauled.<br>
| |
− | 1167. Twice.<br>
| |
− | 1168. You will not gloat ever a kill by saying "I
| |
− | PWNED HIM!!"<br>
| |
− | 1169. See rules number 1166 and 1167 about this one.<br>
| |
− | 1170. Wizards are not to use their Teleport spells to
| |
− | telefrag someone.<br>
| |
− | 1171. See rule number 1169 about this one.<br>
| |
− | 1172. The Shifters must clean their own hair out of
| |
− | the shower drains.<br>
| |
− | 1173. You are not allowed to tell rookies that it's their
| |
− | job.<br>
| |
− | 1174. Especially the hot ones.<br>
| |
− | 1175. Going out with a Salamander is not a 'hot date'.<br>
| |
− | 1176. Even though it will be a hot date.<br>
| |
− | 1177. The snake-charming trick doesnt work on Yuan-ti.<br>
| |
− | 1178. Stop telling the bard this.<br>
| |
− | 1179. The artificer is not 'Mr. Goodwrench'.<br>
| |
− | 1180. A Wand of Light is not to be refered to as a MagLite.
| |
− | And you cannot use it to 'crack some skulls'.<br>
| |
− | 1181. Casting Grease on the inside of a pail and casting
| |
− | Heat Metal on the pail will not let you deep fry anything.<br>
| |
− | 1182. You may not bungee jump from the ship.<br>
| |
− | 1183. We are not on a five-year mission.<br>
| |
− | 1384. There is no such thing as "Phoenix Down".<br>
| |
− | 1385. If there were such a thing, it could not be used to "one-shot"
| |
− | Kaius.<br>
| |
− | 1386. Or Vol.<br>
| |
− | 1387. Or Moranna.<br>
| |
− | 1388. Or any other undead.<br>
| |
− | 1389. Telling the warforged this may get you keel-hauled or simply
| |
− | "Volunteered" into the Karrnathi Army.<br>
| |
− | 1390. And no, I have no idea what effect said imaginary "down"
| |
− | would have on Deathless.<br>
| |
− | 1391. You may not test it out on them.<br>
| |
− | 1392. Even if the artificer can somehow make it.<br>
| |
− | 1393. If he does, you two will walk the plank over The Lair of the
| |
− | Keeper.<br>
| |
− | 1394. The Lair is not to be referred to as the "Souls R' Us".<br>
| |
− | 1385. You shall not invite a priest of "Keith Baker" onto the
| |
− | ship. I dont care if his domain power makes our daring exploits easier.<br>
| |
− | 1386. You will not infer that said Keith Baker is the lord above the
| |
− | progenitor dragons, especially with the fact the prophecy constantly references
| |
− | a baker's dozen.<br>
| |
− | 1387. Due to the ship being nearly destroyed by the Thrannish Inquisition,
| |
− | all crew members are banned from changeling brothels.<br>
| |
− | 1388. Especially the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 1389. Do not ever ask me to explain the why behind the last two.<br>
| |
− | 1390. If you do, I will hereby remove you from the ship. Over Xen'drick.<br>
| |
− | 1391. You are not Batman! And Jaela is DEFINITLY not Batgirl OR Catwoman.<br>
| |
− | 1392. Nor is she Birdgirl.<br>
| |
− | 1393. No, you may not have a living fireball as a familiar. Especially
| |
− | not on my ship!<br>
| |
− | 1394. Daelkyr do not look human "to save on the SFX".<br>
| |
− | 1395. Smashing a vase of flowers over their head is not a good tactic.<br>
| |
− | 1396. Imbuing artificer tools with sonic energy does not help them
| |
− | repair things.<br>
| |
− | 1397. Especially the screwdrivers.<br>
| |
− | 1398. Creatures from Xoriat look like terrifying monsters from a world
| |
− | of insanity, not men in dodgy rubber suits.<br>
| |
− | 1399. Nor do they walk menacingly towards us so painfully slowly that
| |
− | you can get away at a brisk pace.<br>
| |
− | 1400. The warforged cannot purchase a "stomach of holding".<br>
| |
− | 1401. Don't go near freaky-looking kids in the Mournlands.<br>
| |
− | 1402. Don't go near normal-looking kids in the Mournlands.<br>
| |
− | 1403. Especially ones asking if we've seen their mummy.<br>
| |
− | 1404. Or ones with hair covering the front of their face.<br>
| |
− | 1405. Don't go near old folks in the Mournlands.<br>
| |
− | 1406. Don't go near solitary corpses in the Mournlands.<br>
| |
− | 1407. Look, just don't go into the Mournlands.<br>
| |
− | 1408. The warforged's animal companion is not a construct dog called
| |
− | K9.<br>
| |
− | 1409. Success is not measured in Vol-au-vents.<br>
| |
− | 1410. Even if the ambassador's party covers our food need for months.<br>
| |
− | 1411. There is a limit to how much weight the cleric can carry.<br>
| |
− | 1412. Ancient temples exceed this limit.<br>
| |
− | 1413. Especially if they were built by giants.<br>
| |
− | 1414. People in Sharn do not "just pee off the walkways".<br>
| |
− | 1415. This is not an explanation of why it's always raining there.<br>
| |
− | 1416. No warforged bard or aristocrat is allowed to be "fluent
| |
− | in more than six forms of communication".<br>
| |
− | 1417. You are not to plunge an airship filled with explosive powder
| |
− | with a +5 holy lance as its prow at full throttle into anything, ever.<br>
| |
− | 1418. Especially not King Kaius's royal suite.<br>
| |
− | 1419. Even if he is a Nazi.<br>
| |
− | 1420. No matter how much the big scary lizard men insist it is honorable
| |
− | for a great warrior, you will not eat the cooked body of the dead Shifter Silver
| |
− | Flame cleric after his death in a massive battle over land in Xen'drick.<br>
| |
− | 1421. Even if your drunken captain threatens to make you walk the plank
| |
− | if you don't.<br>
| |
− | 1422 Just because the Wizard wears a pointy hat does not mean he "knows
| |
− | this dude named Gandalf".<br>
| |
− | 1423 Or Belgarath.<br>
| |
− | 1424 Or Rincewind.<br>
| |
− | 1425 Especially not Elminster.<br>
| |
− | 1426. The Warforged is not to flail his arms and shout
| |
− | "Danger! Danger!"<br>
| |
− | 1427. Even if there is danger.<br>
| |
− | 1428. When we meet the cleric of the Silver Flame, leave
| |
− | the pea soup on the ship. And stop hissing and cowering when you see his holy
| |
− | symbol.<br>
| |
− | 1429. It is never a good idea to throw your employer
| |
− | off a mountain.<br>
| |
− | 1430. Even if the job was more difficult than anticipated
| |
− | and kills many friends/co-adventurers.<br>
| |
− | 1431. Wilting celery is not an indication you are in
| |
− | a hazardous environment.<br>
| |
− | 1432. Okay, maybe it is, non-wilting celery does not mean
| |
− | the atmosphere is safe though.<br>
| |
− | 1433 The warforged may disregard the last two items.<br>
| |
− | 1434. Dragon hearts are not crystalline.<br>
| |
− | 1435. They are not required to power warforged titans.
| |
− | <br>
| |
− | 1436. Anyone even thinking about trying to prove or
| |
− | disprove this will be keelhauled.<br>
| |
− | 1437. Warforged titans are not battery powered.<br>
| |
− | 1438. Warforged titans can fight for more than five
| |
− | minutes.<br>
| |
− | 1439. Warforged titans are neither sentient nor piloted.
| |
− | They are only slightly smarter than golems.<br>
| |
− | 1440. Anyone disturbing warforged titans will be left
| |
− | behind.<br>
| |
− | 1441. The mark on the warforged brow cannot be removed.<br>
| |
− | 1442. Even if it could it would not destroy it.<br>
| |
− | 1443. So stop threatening it with an erase spell.<br>
| |
− | 1444. Repeat after me. No one on this ship is Batman,
| |
− | not even the glidewing shifter.<br>
| |
− | 1445. Just because the dragons of Eberron are not
| |
− | normal big treasure holding monsters does not mean they won't eat you if you
| |
− | annoy them.<br>
| |
− | 1446. You are not a "Caped Crusader" even if you
| |
− | happen to Crusade and wear a cape.<br>
| |
− | 1447. It is not a utility belt if you happen to carry
| |
− | a bunch of gadgets that are useful around your waist.<br>
| |
− | 1448. You are not the "Dark Knight" even if you
| |
− | happen to wear black armor.<br>
| |
− | 1449. Giving the King's Citadel a Continual light spell
| |
− | before an image of the Ship is neither cool nor advisable. Even if it does make
| |
− | an interesting signal for our help.<br>
| |
− | 1450. A lightning couch spraypainted black and armed
| |
− | with weapons is not the Batmobile.<br>
| |
− | 1451. It is not funny or interesting if all of you had
| |
− | your parents gunned down in a filthy alley before your eyes to inspire this
| |
− | quest.<br>
| |
− | 1452. Kidnapping street orphans to train as sidekicks
| |
− | will likely get them killed.<br>
| |
− | 1453. It is a BOOM-erang.<br>
| |
− | 1454. Sharn's nickname is not "Gotham", even
| |
− | if it does have Gothic architecture.<br>
| |
− | 1455. It is neither nifty nor fun to build your mansion
| |
− | over a cave to hide your vast array of tricks and crime laboratories.<br>
| |
− | 1456. Marish is not to be referred to as Catwoman, even
| |
− | if she is a shifter thief.<br>
| |
− | 1457. Queen Aurala's portly brother is NOT the Penguin.<br>
| |
− | 1458. King Kaius may have a hot and sexy daughter and
| |
− | be out to purge the world but he is not Rais Al Ghul.<br>
| |
− | 1459. You cannot name the warforged Alfred and make
| |
− | him your butler.<br>
| |
− | 1460. It is wrong even if the warforged agrees.<br>
| |
− | 1461. King Boranal's brother who runs the Citadel is
| |
− | not "Commissioner Gordon".<br>
| |
− | 1462. Even if his daughter is a redhead and fights crime
| |
− | with us.<br>
| |
− | 1463. Making the sails like Batwings and painting the
| |
− | ship black does not make it the Batplane.<br>
| |
− | 1464. Frank Miller will not do the comic adaptation
| |
− | of our lives.<br>
| |
− | 1465. Sadly Keith Griffen will.<br>
| |
− | 1466. Locking up all of our crazy villains in an asylum
| |
− | we pay for and name Gotham STILL doesn't make you Batman.<br>
| |
− | 1467. Dressing up in a costume to attack muggers on
| |
− | rooftops randomly will not be the setup for them saying "What are you..."<br>
| |
− | 1468. No matter how many times you try it.<br>
| |
− | 1469. Do not encourage the wizard to cast illusions
| |
− | of balloons that say "Bomph", "Bamph", "SLAM"
| |
− | with every hit you make.<br>
| |
− | 1470. We will not get a dimensional portal to kill Joel
| |
− | Schumacher for ruining the story.<br>
| |
− | 1471. Scratch 1470, I'm willing to give you some leeway
| |
− | in this one.<br>
| |
− | 1472. Making riddles in the sky with the airship so
| |
− | we can pretend the villain left them is stupid, not adding mystique.<br>
| |
− | 1473. The Chain of Command is a system of determining
| |
− | authority, not the chain you use to beat your unwilling subordinates until they
| |
− | realise who's in ruttin' command.<br>
| |
− | 1426. No, the artifacer cannot imbue your toothbrush
| |
− | with 'sonicare' energy.<br>
| |
− | 1427. The Hymn to Onatar is not "Amazing Wrench".<br>
| |
− | 1428. Nor is it "Hammer time".<br>
| |
− | 1429. Singing or dancing to either tune will get you
| |
− | flogged.<br>
| |
− | 1430. Especially dancing to either tune.<br>
| |
− | 1431. The proper way to ask for healing is not "YO,
| |
− | cleric! Beer me!"<br>
| |
− | 1432. Khyber does not take the form of David Bowie.<br>
| |
− | 1433. All of Eberron would unite to slay him if he did.<br>
| |
− | 1434. Knowing all the cold-based spells in existance
| |
− | does NOT make you Mr. Freeze.<br>
| |
− | 1435. YOU ARE STILL NOT BATMAN!!<br>
| |
− | 1436. You also weigh a little more than 108.<br>
| |
− | 1437. The Mockery is not also known as 'Joker'.<br>
| |
− | 1438. You are not allowed to stack a Deck of Many Things.<br>
| |
− | 1439. The warforged is NOT to be lubed with molasses.<br>
| |
− | 1440. Even if it does make him move faster.<br>
| |
− | 1441. Having parts left over when you fix the warforged
| |
− | is probably a bad thing.<br>
| |
− | 1442. The airship does not have afterburners.<br>
| |
− | 1443. You are not allowed to air-bomb the Eldeen Reaches
| |
− | with catnip to "chill out the shifters".<br>
| |
− | 1444. Maximized, Heightened, Empowered Rays of Frost
| |
− | are just plain stupid.<br>
| |
− | 1446. New crew members are not nOObs.<br>
| |
− | 1447. The paladin chick will not 'loosen up after a
| |
− | few beers'.<br>
| |
− | 1448. The bard is not a member in good standing of the
| |
− | Fraternity Tappa Kegga Brew.<br>
| |
− | 1449. So stop asking him to tappa kegga brew.<br>
| |
− | 1450. We don't have a wine cellar.<br>
| |
− | 1451. We don't have a 5-star galley, either.<br>
| |
− | 1473. The Mror Holds is not the location of the Mines
| |
− | of Mroria.<br>
| |
− | 1474. Orcs and goblins are two separate critters.<br>
| |
− | 1475. But they are not as pathetic as Kobolds.<br>
| |
− | 1476. It's pronounced 'Eye-gore'.<br>
| |
− | 1477. It isn't Frooderick Frankunsteen. Its Frederick.<br>
| |
− | 1478. Nazareth's "Hair of the dog" is not
| |
− | your theme song.<br>
| |
− | 1479. Unless you are the Lord of Blades.<br>
| |
− | 1480. Despite what you may have heard, 42 IS the Ultimate
| |
− | Answer.<br>
| |
− | 1481. The captain's brain does not run on citrus fruit.<br>
| |
− | 1482. Despite what you may have heard, the name of the
| |
− | ship's crew is not 'Certain Death'.<br>
| |
− | 1483. Spam isnt a weapon of mass destruction.<br>
| |
− | 1484. I should not tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 1485. Your seat cushion does not double as a flotation
| |
− | device.<br>
| |
− | 1486. Neither does the gnome.<br>
| |
− | 1498. I don't care how old yer halfling is, he isn't
| |
− | wearing depends of holding!<br>
| |
− | 1499. And no, the artificer can't make him any!<br>
| |
− | 1500. And no one at any time, anywhere, drink the warm,
| |
− | frothy, beer on the table in front of said halfling... it's not beer!<br>
| |
− | 1501. Never put the 120-year-old halfling on guard duty!<br>
| |
− | 1502. Especially by himself or with a cranky barbarian!<br>
| |
− | 1503. Re: 1486. It is wrong to tell warforged otherwise.<br>
| |
− | 1503. We will not make Metal Gear units to take over
| |
− | the world.<br>
| |
− | 1504. My name is not Snake Eater.<br>
| |
− | 1505. Solid Snake is not a reference to my genitalia.<br>
| |
− | 1506. Nor can I pretend it is.<br>
| |
− | 1507. We will not boast that we have a 90% mortality rate.<br>
| |
− | 1508. Not even to necromancers.<br>
| |
− | 1509. We will not sell the dead to necromancers.<br>
| |
− | 1510. Especially not King Kaius.<br>
| |
− | 1511. The artificer does not need to use empty beer
| |
− | cans to repair the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 1512. We told you to do that BEFORE we left.<br>
| |
− | 1513. No, we will not get fly-through.<br>
| |
− | 1514. Any members of House Sivis are not to wander around,
| |
− | saying "Can you hear me now? Good."<br>
| |
− | 1515. No, you can not have the last slice of pizza.<br>
| |
− | 1516. Or the last beer, for that matter.<br>
| |
− | 1517. The captain gets those.<br>
| |
− | 1518. Unless it is bitter.<br>
| |
− | 1519. Or weak.<br>
| |
− | 1520. Or made on the plane of radiance.<br>
| |
− | 1521. The Kalashtar Soulknife is not allowed to claim
| |
− | that his silver-colored soulknife is a piece of the Silver Flame.<br>
| |
− | 1522. It is wrong to tell Silver Flame worshipers this.<br>
| |
− | 1523. :censored:<br>
| |
− | 1524. Am I understood?<br>
| |
− | 1525. You are especially to never tell this to Jaela.
| |
− | (Thanks to Lup1n3)<br>
| |
− | 1526. If you do you will be keelhauled by the crew,
| |
− | until my ship gets tired.<br>
| |
− | 1527. Being a ranger on my airship does not make you
| |
− | an Airborne Ranger.<br>
| |
− | 1528. Nor does it mean you can sing cadences all day
| |
− | and night.<br>
| |
− | 1529. The next person who shouts "Oohrah!"
| |
− | on this ship gets tossed over the side.<br>
| |
− | 1530. There is always time for love.<br>
| |
− | 1531. Stop calling me Dr. Jones.<br>
| |
− | 1532. Whaddaya mean there's no pilot?!<br>
| |
− | 1533. It belongs in a museum!<br>
| |
− | 1534. Ah, who am I kidding. Let's divvy up the loot.<br>
| |
− | 1535. No, you cannot steal his pants.<br>
| |
− | 1536. The staff is mine.<br>
| |
− | 1537. New regulation. Phobias are not to be treated
| |
− | by punching the affected in the head.<br>
| |
− | 1538. Ever.<br>
| |
− | 1539. Telling the watch to cast an illusion spell of
| |
− | a bat silhouette over the towers of Sharn does not make you Batman.<br>
| |
− | 1540. Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear,
| |
− | even if they do it.<br>
| |
− | 1541: You are not to tell your stupid, big-ass fighter
| |
− | that there was an order of noble, feared, powerful knights called "The
| |
− | Knights of Suck-ee-Nam-Nam", and make him admire them so much, that he
| |
− | begins wearing their signature outfit consisting of a Napoleon-style yellow
| |
− | hat, purple silk tabard, gigantic light-green puff-pants and knee-high blue
| |
− | leather boots.<br>
| |
− | 1542: Even if there was such an order of (obviously
| |
− | colorblind) knights.<br>
| |
− | 1543. Crew members are to refrain from sticking a note
| |
− | to the Captain's back reading "Kiss my big fiery ring"...<br>
| |
− | 1544. Especially the morning after Ship's Chili Night.<br>
| |
− | 1545. Crew are to cease petitioning the Captain to rename
| |
− | the ship the Enola Gay just because the Wizard can now cast Meteor Swarm.<br>
| |
− | 1546. No, we won't be mounting an expedition into the
| |
− | Keeper's lair to "liberate" his horse Binky.<br>
| |
− | 1543. You will not sell "Pontiff porn".<br>
| |
− | 1544. ...unless it makes a really good profit.<br>
| |
− | 1545. You cannot find the Rajahs' location by tracing
| |
− | Darjeeling exports.<br>
| |
− | 1546. Aundarian spies do not say "Lizzen very carefullee
| |
− | I zhall say zis only once".<br>
| |
− | 1547. Even if they will.<br>
| |
− | 1548. The Karrnathi are not looking for the painting
| |
− | of Tira Mirron with the big boobies.<br>
| |
− | 1549. But keep it hidden just in case.<br>
| |
− | 1550. The Emerald Claw leader is not watching multiple
| |
− | illusions of you, and never says "I'll get you next time Forgotten Freedom!
| |
− | Next time!"<br>
| |
− | 1551. You will not start a strip joint called the "Emerald
| |
− | Claw".<br>
| |
− | 1552..You are neither vengeance nor the night.<br>
| |
− | 1553. The wand of summoning nature's ally that summons
| |
− | whales does not make the ship go any faster.<br>
| |
− | 1554. Neither should it be used to "feed those
| |
− | poor starving Talentians".<br>
| |
− | 1555. Jaela does not offer to help turn gay people.<br>
| |
− | 1556. Except undead ones, obviously.<br>
| |
− | 1557. This ship does not have an Improbability Drive.<br>
| |
− | 1558. And you can't dare the artificer to make one.<br>
| |
− | 1559. Despite his claims to the contrary, the ship's
| |
− | captain is not President of the Universe.<br>
| |
− | 1560. The proper way to handle possessed people is not
| |
− | 300 cc's of Thorazine.<br>
| |
− | 1561. No, the pilot isn't drunk.<br>
| |
− | 1562. At least, we hope he isn't drunk.<br>
| |
− | 1563. You may not do a Touch-N-Go landing with the
| |
− | airship.<br>
| |
− | 1564. Stop sending love letters to Jaela marked "Open
| |
− | when you are legal".<br>
| |
− | 1565. You don't have 'first dibs' on her, either.<br>
| |
− | 1566. Thou shalt not use the warforged barbarians
| |
− | +5 Flaming Shocking Burst Vorpal Greatsword of Speed to butter your toast.<br>
| |
− | 1567. It's just not right.<br>
| |
− | 1568. Because it's named the Silver Flame, doesn't mean
| |
− | it came in second.<br>
| |
− | 1569. So stop telling that to Silver Flame worshippers.<br>
| |
− | 1557. Do not tell the Minotaur that he can practice
| |
− | juggling with the halfling.<br>
| |
− | 1558. Or the gnome.<br>
| |
− | 1559. Kobolds are okay, though.<br>
| |
− | 1560. You cannot name you shifter Lion-O.<br>
| |
− | 1561. And you sword is not the Eye of Thundera.<br>
| |
− | 1562. The Artificer will not make you one.<br>
| |
− | 1563. Our origin was not chronicled in "The History
| |
− | of the World Part I" as a counting house that rebelled and killed its
| |
− | managers to sack Wall Street.<br>
| |
− | 1564. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.<br>
| |
− | 1565. Flying across the edge of the map will not make
| |
− | us fly into the campaign setting handbook.<br>
| |
− | 1566. Being Sky Pirates is not to be described "A
| |
− | lot like Star Wars except it's not in space and doesn't involve fighting an
| |
− | Empire".<br>
| |
− | 1567. No casting Enlarge on any extremities.<br>
| |
− | 1568. Especially THOSE.<br>
| |
− | 1569. Valenar Druid elven girls are not to be called
| |
− | "Deedlit".<br>
| |
− | 1570. Would-be paladins are not to be called "Parn".<br>
| |
− | 1571. Do not cast enlarge on Elven ears so they look
| |
− | like anime elves. That's the equivalent of porn actresses for them.<br>
| |
− | 1572. We will not try to use magiscience to create flying
| |
− | burning sharks to ride.<br>
| |
− | 1573. Do not use illusions to give our ship motion blur.<br>
| |
− | 1574. Warforged are not to be encouraged to adopt a
| |
− | female personality.<br>
| |
− | 1575. The monk is forbidden from spouting wisdom by
| |
− | simply giving a statement then reversing it.<br>
| |
− | 1576. For example. "For a warforged to become a
| |
− | human, he must first be human that becomes a warforged."<br>
| |
− | 1577. "For the deck to be swabbed, the swabbed
| |
− | must be the deck."<br>
| |
− | 1578. I do not appreciate one day just randomly waking
| |
− | up and the Boat has adopted a 70's Disco theme.<br>
| |
− | 1579. You may not hang a mini disco ball in the control
| |
− | room.<br>
| |
− | 1580. Fuzzy dice are okay.<br>
| |
− | 1581. Do not ask the female shifter barbarian if she's
| |
− | 'put on a little weight'.<br>
| |
− | 1582. We are not a bus, and we will not be back in 20
| |
− | minutes.<br>
| |
− | 1583. Our ship does not have the outline of a... Winnebago.<br>
| |
− | 1584. Look, I already said no to the codpiece of holding.
| |
− | Unless you want a jockstrap of devouring instead, drop it.<br>
| |
− | 1585. No, you can't have one for practical jokes! That
| |
− | was a threat, dammit!<br>
| |
− | 1586. Boasting about the size of your ECL is not a good
| |
− | way to get chicks.<br>
| |
− | 1589. I will not dress up as Santa to get Jaela to sit
| |
− | in my lap.<br>
| |
− | 1590. Or in general.<br>
| |
− | 1591. We will not head to the North Pole to find a lost
| |
− | tribe of Elves enslaved to an immortal druid.<br>
| |
− | 1592. We need the huge amounts of coal he leaves us
| |
− | every year to power the ship.<br>
| |
− | 1593. The warforged cannot crush coal into diamonds.<br>
| |
− | 1594. No, the warforged cannot be given a cape of flying.<br>
| |
− | 1595. Painting him blue and red does not make him anymore
| |
− | "Super".<br>
| |
− | 1596. It is wrong to tell him that regular Dragonshards
| |
− | weaken him, Siberys dragonshards remove his powers entirely, and Khyber Shards
| |
− | turn him evil.<br>
| |
− | 1597. He is NOT the last survivor of a race of warforged
| |
− | from another planet!<br>
| |
− | 1598. That Jaela has a 21 Charisma is not an excuse
| |
− | for all this.<br>
| |
− | 1599. Queen Aurala's brother is not to be called "Fatty
| |
− | McGaylord".<br>
| |
− | 1600. It's insulting to homosexuals to be compared with
| |
− | the tubby Lord chancellor, that's why.<br>
| |
− | 1601. Is not a Neil Gaiman comic.<br>
| |
− | 1602. Is a very bad parody of a Neil Gaiman comic.<br>
| |
− | 1603. When we kidnap Queen Aurala, we will not sell her
| |
− | for "magic beans".<br>
| |
− | 1604. The national sport of Aundair is not Quidditch.<br>
| |
− | 1605. The Arcane Congress is not a democratically elected
| |
− | form of government.<br>
| |
− | 1606. I will not run for it.<br>
| |
− | 1607. Not even on the platform of less work for more
| |
− | money.<br>
| |
− | 1608. I am not a Number.<br>
| |
− | 1609. Leaving the ship will not be accompanied by the
| |
− | monologue "I will not make any deals with you. I've resigned. I will not
| |
− | be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life
| |
− | is my own. I resign."<br>
| |
− | 1610. Do not give numbers to new crew members.<br>
| |
− | 1611. We do not Press anyone into service on the ship
| |
− | (usually).<br>
| |
− | 1612. Especially not by gassing them and giving this
| |
− | speech when they wake up:<br>
| |
− | Recruit: "Where am I?"<br>
| |
− | Pirates: "In the Village."<br>
| |
− | Recruit: "What do you want?"<br>
| |
− | Pirates: "Information. We want... information"<br>
| |
− | 1613. You won't get it.<br>
| |
− | 1614. Even if you insist by hook or by crook, you will.<br>
| |
− | 1615. The first mate will not be referred to as "Number
| |
− | Two".<br>
| |
− | 1616. I AM NUMBER ONE! Stop demanding to know who I
| |
− | am!<br>
| |
− | 1617. Queen Aurala is not "Queen Amidala if she
| |
− | grew up to be a real frosty *****."<br>
| |
− | 1618. Painting targets on the ship for the authorities
| |
− | when you're cross about your pay is not appreciated.<br>
| |
− | 1619. The Captain's quarters is not the bathroom.<br>
| |
− | 1620. Nor is the first mate's.<br>
| |
− | 1621. Do not fish for people over the side of the boat.<br>
| |
− | 1622. Even in Aundair.<br>
| |
− | 1623. A black tie dinner doesn't mean you show up naked
| |
− | but for a tie.<br>
| |
− | 1624. We were attending a peace agreement with Aundair,
| |
− | it is counterproductive to smash through the windows on ropes from the ship.<br>
| |
− | 1625. It is counterproductive to do that every time we
| |
− | enter any building whatsoever.<br>
| |
− | 1626. I am the original Captain Jarlot. I have not passed
| |
− | down my title several times to men named Wesley.<br>
| |
− | 1627. It is not true we own property in Xen'drick.<br>
| |
− | 1628. It is wrong to sell it to the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 1629. When attending a ball, it is wrong to impersonate
| |
− | "The King of Asskickia".<br>
| |
− | 1630. Eberron was not built by the Giants of Xen'drick
| |
− | to destroy all life in the galaxy.<br>
| |
− | 1631. Stop telling the Master Chief this.<br>
| |
− | 1632. When we recieve news that the world is in dire
| |
− | peril and may be destroyed, the proper response is to stop it... not "Tell
| |
− | the Twelve and go about our merry way".<br>
| |
− | 1633. A warforged's "grand slam" is not to
| |
− | be followed by an atomic elbow.<br>
| |
− | 1634. Even if the warforged is named "Macho Man".<br>
| |
− | 1633. The Ring of Sibrys shards is not an ancient weapon
| |
− | called Halo.<br>
| |
− | 1634. You cannot set the warforged to 'stun'.<br>
| |
− | 1635. Stop telling the artificer it's possible.<br>
| |
− | 1636. We may not paint bomb markings on the side of
| |
− | the hull.<br>
| |
− | 1637. We cannot paint dragon silhouettes, either.<br>
| |
− | 1638. We are not allowed to 'hit the door like titans'.<br>
| |
− | 1639. Half the time, the door hits back.<br>
| |
− | 1640. We are not martial law.<br>
| |
− | 1641. You may not waterski behind the airship.<br>
| |
− | 1642. You cannot hook up a propeller to a stationary
| |
− | bicycle to make the ship go faster.<br>
| |
− | 1643. Even if you did, it's wrong to tell the warforged
| |
− | it's his job to pedal.<br>
| |
− | 1644. I am not allowed to interrogate prisoners by shouting
| |
− | "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!?"<br>
| |
− | 1645. There is no division of the Dark Lanterns known
| |
− | as CTU.<br>
| |
− | 1646. I am not Jack Bauer.<br>
| |
− | 1647. I am not allowed to start each job by stating
| |
− | "The following takes place..."<br>
| |
− | 1648. The privy is not a Planar Gate to Xoriat.<br>
| |
− | 1649. I should not spread that rumor.<br>
| |
− | 1650. There is no saying, "What happens in Xen'drick
| |
− | stays in Xen'drick".<br>
| |
− | 1651. No, you may not start it.<br>
| |
− | 1652. No matter what you did there.<br>
| |
− | 1653. ...ewwww.<br>
| |
− | 1654. The Warforged are not Rock'em Sock'em Robots.
| |
− | <br>
| |
− | 1655. Stop selling tickets to these events.<br>
| |
− | 1656. Trust me, I WILL notice if you replace the entire
| |
− | crew with Muppets.<br>
| |
− | 1657. Except Gonzo the Great, he fits right in.<br>
| |
− | 1658. Animal is not a manifestation of the Devourer.<br>
| |
− | 1659. Scratch that, he might be...<br>
| |
− | 1660. We will not catapult crew members at enemy vessels.<br>
| |
− | 1661. Even if the crew members like it, because it's
| |
− | a small cut, and pirates love being cut.<br>
| |
− | 1662. Tycho and Gabe are not crew.<br>
| |
− | 1663. We are not allowed to use a fire extinguisher
| |
− | to stop the ship.<br>
| |
− | 1664. The Fire Elemental is not to respond in Alan Rickman's
| |
− | voice "Sweet Jesus, did you have to use the whole can?"<br>
| |
− | 1665. We are fairly obviously the culprits of most of
| |
− | our crime spree, trashing the CSI of Sharn will not help us.<br>
| |
− | 1666. Even if you really hate that show.<br>
| |
− | 1667. This boat's crew was not collected from people
| |
− | who thought they were joining the cast of the 'Real World'.<br>
| |
− | 1668. It was collected from volunteers for Jackass.<br>
| |
− | 1669. Turtle Shifters are not to be stomped on.<br>
| |
− | 1670. Nor Mycanoids.<br>
| |
− | 1671. Their leader is not a Dragon named Koopa.<br>
| |
− | 1672. Sharn Halflings who ride dinosaurs and happen
| |
− | to be plumbers are no... oh the hell with it, call 'em Mario if you want.<br>
| |
− | 1673. Torture is not forcing prisoners to watch episodes
| |
− | of the Golden Girls.<br>
| |
− | 1674. We're not that cruel.<br>
| |
− | 1675. Yo Ho! is not to be used to point me to prostitutes.<br>
| |
− | 1676. Especially followed by "Blow the man down".<br>
| |
− | 1677. Sixteen men on a dead man's chest is not instructions.<br>
| |
− | 1678. Long John Silver's name was not dirty.<br>
| |
− | 1679. Nor was Captain Hook's.<br>
| |
− | 1670. Hook and Smee were not gay lovers.<br>
| |
− | 1671. Oh, sorry.... er, I wasn't aware that the two were
| |
− | together.<br>
| |
− | 1672. Hey, I've got nothing against that sort of thing... it
| |
− | just took me by surprise, is all.<br>
| |
− | 1673. A Rakshasa crouching and a Dragon hiding doesn't
| |
− | mean that we can do wuxia moves or find the Green Destiny sword.<br>
| |
− | 1674. Eberron Drow women did not "learn their place".<br>
| |
− | 1675. The Scorpion King of the Drow is not played by
| |
− | the Rock.<br>
| |
− | 1666) We don't brake for dragonhawks- not even the awakened
| |
− | kind.<br>
| |
− | 1667) So stop trying to get those Aundairian bumper
| |
− | stickers that say otherwise.<br>
| |
− | 1668) Technicaly, this Airship doesn't even have a
| |
− | bumper.<br>
| |
− | 1669) And if it did, it would be covered in too much
| |
− | squished dragonhawk to see what the stupid stickers you lot keep putting on
| |
− | it say.<br>
| |
− | 1670) You are not to tell Jaela that as she is both
| |
− | the secular and temporal leader of Thrane, she has the power nessesary to declare
| |
− | herself "legal" whenever she sees fit.<br>
| |
− | 1671) Even if it's true.<br>
| |
− | 1672. As air pirates; we rob from water ships, towns,
| |
− | the lightning rail, forts, airships, and storehouses.<br>
| |
− | 1673. We do not copy music and videos then distribute
| |
− | them.<br>
| |
− | 1674. Except if it's a realllllyyyyy awesome movie not
| |
− | out on DVD yet.<br>
| |
− | 1675. Stop getting people to play with Aurala's name.<br>
| |
− | "She's A rula a alright. A very bad A rule a."<br>
| |
− | It's childish.<br>
| |
− | 1676. Do not pinch your nose before saying this is a
| |
− | "A Pirate ship".<br>
| |
− | 1677. If you take off Aurala's glasses, she doesn't
| |
− | become a hot sex maniac.<br>
| |
− | 1678. Girls with glasses often are already.<br>
| |
− | 1779. A pair of glasses is NOT sufficient disguise to
| |
− | fool the guard.<br>
| |
− | 1780. Unless it's the Sharn guard, in which case they're
| |
− | idiots.<br>
| |
− | 1781. Do not refer to Queen Aurala's brother as "Jabba".<br>
| |
− | 1782. Or slap a bumper sticker on his back that says
| |
− | "Wide load".<br>
| |
− | 1783. If the airship be a-rockin...<br>
| |
− | 1784. ...the warforged fell down.<br>
| |
− | 1785. We will not moon King Kaius every time we fly
| |
− | by.<br>
| |
− | 1786. Every other time will do.<br>
| |
− | 1787. The warforged can't have a Predator mask.<br>
| |
− | 1788. Even if it would make him look cool.<br>
| |
− | 1789. We must not mistake Zilargo gnomes for end tables.<br>
| |
− | 1790. Q'barra is not the home of good gumbo.<br>
| |
− | 1791. The captain is to be called Bandit One or the
| |
− | Bandit.<br>
| |
− | 1792. The first-mate is to be called Bandit Two or
| |
− | Snowman.<br>
| |
− | 1793. All law enforcment agents are to be referred to
| |
− | as Smokies.<br>
| |
− | 1794. There are two types of Smokies, friendly ones
| |
− | and not-so-friendly ones.<br>
| |
− | 1795. Do not, by any means, behave like Lord Flasheart.
| |
− | If you understand this, you've watched Blackadder before.<br>
| |
− | 1796. Do not make lewd sexual jokes about Pontiff Jaela.
| |
− | That is what Lord Flasheart would do.<br>
| |
− | 1797. "Bah weep grawnab weep ninibaum" and
| |
− | offering them a gp is not the universal greeting.<br>
| |
− | 1798. Although it may work in Darguun.<br>
| |
− | 1799. I will not put waffles into the possessed toaster.<br>
| |
− | 1800. I must not give the gnome artificer coffee.<br>
| |
− | 1801. Or cappucino.<br>
| |
− | 1802. Or espresso.<br>
| |
− | 1803. I am not allowed to mod the warforged with neon
| |
− | lights, spinners, or killer subs.<br>
| |
− | 1804. I am not allowed to install a 'pet door' in the
| |
− | door to the shifter's quarters.<br>
| |
− | 1805. Even if the shifter has a pet.<br>
| |
− | 1806. I must not write the Daughters of Sora Kell for
| |
− | dating advice.<br>
| |
− | 1807. There is no Animal House frat at Morgraive University.<br>
| |
− | 1808. Nor am I allowed to start one.<br>
| |
− | 1809. Toga parties are still okay.<br>
| |
− | 1810. Aquatic dire animals don't make good sushi.<br>
| |
− | 1811. Dire boars dont make good pork chops.<br>
| |
− | 1812. The bacon is okay, though.<br>
| |
− | 1813. Must not ask the cook for MLT... Mutton, lettuce,
| |
− | and tomato.<br>
| |
− | 1814. He did not say "To blave".....<br>
| |
− | 1815. I am not left-handed.<br>
| |
− | 1816. I dont have six fingers on my right hand, either.<br>
| |
− | 1817. Do not sing Lieutenant George's version of Row
| |
− | Row Row Your Boat to Pontiff Jaela. This is Lieutenant George's version of Row
| |
− | Row Row Your Boat. Row, row, row, your boat, gently down the stream, belts off
| |
− | trousers down isn't life a scream.<br>
| |
− | 1818. Don't behave like the Bishop of Bath from Blackadder.<br>
| |
− | 1819. Or like Prince Ludvig the Indestructible.<br>
| |
− | 1820. The warforged is NOT a toy!<br>
| |
− | 1821. The catgirl is NOT a toy!<br>
| |
− | 1822. Jaela is NOT a toy!<br>
| |
− | 1823. Don't tell the artificer about hammerguns.<br>
| |
− | 1824. EVER.<br>
| |
− | 1825. Do not put video cassettes in the warforged. It
| |
− | only takes beta!<br>
| |
− | 1826. To the mages: Fireball should not be your instinctive
| |
− | reaction to everything.<br>
| |
− | 1827. You cannot be a suicidally depressed warforged.<br>
| |
− | 1828. The warforged's name is not Marvin.<br>
| |
− | 1829. Or Gundam.<br>
| |
− | 1830. Or Ropanmatsu.<br>
| |
− | 1831. Or Evangelion.<br>
| |
− | 1832. Don't wish to shoot the DM or the Captain with
| |
− | a hammer.<br>
| |
− | 1821. The warforged is not to be referred to as Metal
| |
− | Gear.<br>
| |
− | 1822. Nor the warforged Titan.<br>
| |
− | 1823. Nor will you add a nuclear missle launcher to
| |
− | it.<br>
| |
− | 1824. NO, you can't have nukes anyway!<br>
| |
− | 1825. Not even if you blow a wish spell.<br>
| |
− | 1826. When finding a famous relic of Cyre, you will
| |
− | not fall on your knees and scream "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU! You filthy apes!"<br>
| |
− | 1827. You will not tell the warforged that the Day of
| |
− | Mourning was the result of said filthy apes.<br>
| |
− | 1828. You will not cast a sleep spell on a person after
| |
− | telling them you're casting a permanent time stop spell and put on ape costumes
| |
− | to say "Human, explain yourself" when they wake up.<br>
| |
− | 1829. Do not cast multiple enlarge spells to try and
| |
− | make a monkey that will kidnap a girl and climb to the highest tower in Sharn...<br>
| |
− | 1830. Just so you can fire the crossbows on the airship
| |
− | at it.<br>
| |
− | 1831. You will not use real-life actors to represent
| |
− | your characters. Especially not...<br>
| |
− | 1832. Kurt Russell in Escape from New York.<br>
| |
− | 1833. Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China.<br>
| |
− | 1834. Kurt Russell in The Thing.<br>
| |
− | 1835. Kurt Russell in Soldier.<br>
| |
− | 1836. The Kurt Russell lookalike in Metal Gear Solid.<br>
| |
− | 1837. Not even Kurt Russell in Captain Ron because he
| |
− | kinda looks like Snake with the eyepatch.<br>
| |
− | 1838. When your character is old, he won't look like
| |
− | Sean Connery either.<br>
| |
− | 1839. King Boranal is not Sean Connery either... even
| |
− | though it's entirely possible to pay him to appear in our games apparently with
| |
− | some of the movies he's done.<br>
| |
− | 1840. I know you didn't say it but someone had to.<br>
| |
− | 1841. Harrison Ford in ANY OF HIS FILMS before he got
| |
− | so old he started to look like Emperor Palpatine.<br>
| |
− | 1842: Yes, warforged, we eat steak. Yes, warforged,
| |
− | most people are made of meat. No, this does not mean that fallen party members
| |
− | are "emergency rations" or "free protein".<br>
| |
− | 1843: No, warforged, your immunity to fatigue and sleep
| |
− | doesn't mean that you get extra shares of treasure. May I suggest a hobby?<br>
| |
− | 1844: Dressing up in a costume and fighting crime is
| |
− | not a hobby.<br>
| |
− | 1845. House Cannith is not to be referred to as GM.<br>
| |
− | 1846. House Deneith is not to be hired to do my adventures
| |
− | for me.<br>
| |
− | 1847. House Ghallandra is not to be referred to as "Hilton".<br>
| |
− | 1848. Nor its head daughter, Paris Halfling.<br>
| |
− | 1849. House Jorasco does not accept Medicaid as payment.<br>
| |
− | 1850. House Kundarak will not be confused with Gringots.<br>
| |
− | 1851. They will kill you if you mention goblins run
| |
− | that.<br>
| |
− | 1852. House Lyrander is not to be referred to as National
| |
− | Airways.<br>
| |
− | 1853. And we are NOT to be referred to as "Con
| |
− | Air".<br>
| |
− | 1854. Even if we were a bunch of prisoners who acquired
| |
− | this ship by stealing it.<br>
| |
− | 1855. Oh hush, it's the plot of Farscape too.<br>
| |
− | 1856. House Medali did not learn their investigation
| |
− | techniques from Blues' Clues.<br>
| |
− | 1857. Or "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?"<br>
| |
− | 1858. House Phiarlan will not be suggested to that the
| |
− | best way to replace their lost fortune is with an Emmy program.<br>
| |
− | 1859. Or Reality programming.<br>
| |
− | 1860. The Captain reserves the right to only one Reality
| |
− | TV quote and that is to say "You're Fired" with the Trump point before
| |
− | you're launched out of the cannon.<br>
| |
− | 1861. House Sivis is not Random House.<br>
| |
− | 1862. They are not interested in your life's story.<br>
| |
− | 1863. House Thrashk members will not have you sneak
| |
− | into their mines with a dead canary to shout "OH LORDIE! THE CANARY'S DEAD!"
| |
− | to start a panic.<br>
| |
− | 1864. Unless we're robbing it.<br>
| |
− | 1865. House Thuranni are not ninjas.<br>
| |
− | 1866. Except when they put on nightsuits, carry katanas,
| |
− | and somehow fly.<br>
| |
− | 1867. House Valadis is not to be asked whether you can
| |
− | adopt a Pound Puppy or not whenever you see them.<br>
| |
− | 1868. The Wayfarer is forbidden from carrying a bullwhip
| |
− | or a fedora.<br>
| |
− | 1869. Even if EVERYONE is expected to when they play
| |
− | one.<br>
| |
− | 1870. The Wayfarers are not to be treated as old stuffy
| |
− | Brelish men who talk like they're on the History Channel.<br>
| |
− | 1871. Even if 99.9% of them are.<br>
| |
− | 1872. As an old standby... do not toss the dwarf.<br>
| |
− | 1873. Or the gnomes.<br>
| |
− | 1874. The Halfling will bite your leg off.<br>
| |
− | 1875. No replacing dwarven beard shampoo with Nair.<br>
| |
− | 1876. Elves will not be told to pierce their ears more.<br>
| |
− | 1877. Shifters cannot use their tails like periscopes.<br>
| |
− | 1878. Dog Shifters can talk perfectly normal and not
| |
− | like Scooby Doo.<br>
| |
− | 1879. Any gnome that acts like a tinker gnome will be
| |
− | killed summarily...<br>
| |
− | 1880. No jury in the world would convict me.<br>
| |
− | 1881. Kender and your next three characters will die.<br>
| |
− | 1882. Teleport without error will not be used as a weapon.<br>
| |
− | 1883. (re: #1865 & #1866) Especially not when they
| |
− | totally flip out, play guitar, and fight pirates.<br>
| |
− | 1884. None of you... I repeat, none of you have Real
| |
− | Ultimate Power(tm).<br>
| |
− | 1885. I do.<br>
| |
− | 1886: Our "theme tune" is not "da-na-na-na-na
| |
− | na-na-na-na-na-na Forgottenfreedom!"<br>
| |
− | 1887: Because it doesn't scan, that's why.<br>
| |
− | 1888: The Lord of Blades is not so called for being
| |
− | really good on rollerblades.<br>
| |
− | 1889: The call for a descent is not "Squadron
| |
− | 14: DIVE!!!"<br>
| |
− | 1890: Do not ask us to check the angular velocity of
| |
− | the moon without saying which one.<br>
| |
− | 1891: "Proving you're worth something" doesn't
| |
− | always involve killing a lot of people.<br>
| |
− | 1892: Dodging bullets really isn't that impressive.<br>
| |
− | 1893: Being drunk does not make you safe from falling.<br>
| |
− | 1894: You shall not taunt your party's Warmage by letting
| |
− | the Gnome Sorcerer use his Ghost Sound to make him believe there is a colossal
| |
− | Gorilla behind him.<br>
| |
− | 1895. The Captain's Pop Culturefu shall not be corrected.<br>
| |
− | 1896. You shall NOT attempt to strike up a relationship
| |
− | between the captain and the pontiff.<br>
| |
− | 1897. You shall NOT convince the pontiff to dance in
| |
− | the previous pontiffs robes and pope hat.<br>
| |
− | 1988. Even though it looks incredibly funny.<br>
| |
− | 1989. And she would.<br>
| |
− | 1890. The warforged's battlefists are not "Hulk
| |
− | Hands", and shall not be refered to as such.<br>
| |
− | 1891. Even if we do have a catapult, we do NOT refer
| |
− | to the warforged as "armor-piercing ammunition".<br>
| |
− | 1892. Even if he has an adamantine body.<br>
| |
− | 1893. Neither the captain's Eternal wand of Knock,
| |
− | nor his Eternal wand of Prestidigitation shall be refered to as a "Sonic
| |
− | Screwdriver".<br>
| |
− | 1894. Kalashtar named Lyta Alexander will be shot on
| |
− | sight. With the ballista.<br>
| |
− | 1895. Keelhauling the warforged is forbidden. Any who
| |
− | attempt it must pay for repairs to both warforged, and keel.<br>
| |
− | 1896: When someone yell 'Don't read from the book!'
| |
− | ... don't read from the the gods-damned book.<br>
| |
− | 1897. Even if the book is call "How to age the
| |
− | Speaker of the Silver Flame: the Jaela edition".<br>
| |
− | 1898. Because it is a trap, that's why.<br>
| |
− | 1899. The captain is not now, nor has he ever been a
| |
− | marmoset!<br>
| |
− | 1906. Crew will not hang banners depicting their artistic
| |
− | impressions of how Tira Mirron "merged" with a Couatl over the side
| |
− | of the ship as it approaches Flamekeep.<br>
| |
− | 1907. No matter how graphic it is.<br>
| |
− | 1908. All artistic members of crew will be expected
| |
− | to chip in to repair the multiple-flamestrike damage to the ship's hull following
| |
− | the recent eventful flight through Thrane...<br>
| |
− | 1902. A delayed-blast fireball is not the Holy Hand
| |
− | Grenade of Antioch.<br>
| |
− | 1903. Neither is a necklace of fireballs.<br>
| |
− | 1904. There shall be no counting to 3, 5, or 13 when
| |
− | using the above items/spells.<br>
| |
− | 1905. I count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. You should too. If necessary, take off your boots when counting.<br>
| |
− | 1906 Never take off your pants when counting, even
| |
− | if you only need one more.<br>
| |
− | 1907. Plan B is not "Twice as many Fireballs as
| |
− | Plan A".<br>
| |
− | 1910. Warforged were not "Forged in the heat of
| |
− | battle".<br>
| |
− | 1911. Due to last year's... misunderstanding... Jaela
| |
− | will not be trick-or-treating at our house this year.<br>
| |
− | 1912. Dont ask what the misunderstanding was.<br>
| |
− | 1913. In Eberron, dragons are not color-coded for your
| |
− | convenience.<br>
| |
− | 1914. We do not have a mini-warforged named R2-D2.<br>
| |
− | 1915. When meeting a noble djinn, wishing for phenomenal
| |
− | cosmic power is not recommended.<br>
| |
− | 1916. You will not use a wish to get Jaela as your girlfriend.<br>
| |
− | 1917. You will not use a wish to get Jaela to join the
| |
− | crew.<br>
| |
− | 1918. I said earlier you can't attempt to get the captain
| |
− | in a relationship with the pontiff, doubly so with a wish.<br>
| |
− | 1919. Asking the female changeling to dress up as Jaela
| |
− | is just WRONG.<br>
| |
− | 1920. Unless it's for Halloween.<br>
| |
− | 1921. You are not allowed to carve the number 3.1415
| |
− | into a pumpkin for Halloween or Thanksgiving and call it Pumpkin Pi.<br>
| |
− | 1922. You can't tell the warforged to do so, either.<br>
| |
− | 1923. There is no beer in Dolurrh, so we have to drink
| |
− | it here.<br>
| |
− | 1924. The warforged is not allowed to show off by crushing
| |
− | beer kegs against his forehead.<br>
| |
− | 1925. You will not have the wizard cast Geas on Jaela
| |
− | with objective being to bring her anywhere near us.<br>
| |
− | 1926. Or you.<br>
| |
− | 1927. Nor shall you commune with the fiends of Khyber
| |
− | to overthrow the Silver Flame just so you can get them to give you Jaela as
| |
− | spoils.<br>
| |
− | 1928. Getting the Dreaming Dark to brainwash Jaela while
| |
− | she sleeps is also forbidden.<br>
| |
− | 1929. And just plain wrong.<br>
| |
− | 1930. Using an Eldritch Machine to do any of the above
| |
− | will result is a solo visit to the Ring of Siberys.<br>
| |
− | 1931. Said visit shall not be the result of using the
| |
− | machine...<br>
| |
− | 1932. Although if it is a result the scoundrel deserves
| |
− | it.<br>
| |
− | 1933. Rakshasa do not have a springyest tail that gives
| |
− | them a plus to jump checks.<br>
| |
− | 1934. And even if they did, they would still be unable
| |
− | to catch us.<br>
| |
− | 1935. House Thuranni girls do not look like the cast
| |
− | of "Dead or Alive".<br>
| |
− | 1936. House Thuranni are not all monk/rogue/assassins.<br>
| |
− | 1937. They are not Ninjas!<br>
| |
− | 1938. You cannot play a shifter trained by House Thuranni
| |
− | with adamentine claws... because Wolverine is not a ninja.<br>
| |
− | 1939. No, you cannot date a King's Citadel Agent named
| |
− | Irene after slaying a demon as a House Thuranni Ninja as your backstory.<br>
| |
− | 1940. No we cannot be pirate ninjas!<br>
| |
− | 1941. That would be too badass for the space/time continuum.<br>
| |
− | 1942. Pirates do not 'flip out and kill people for no
| |
− | reason'.<br>
| |
− | 1943. We do it for money.<br>
| |
− | 1944. You cannot be a millionaire playboy whose parents
| |
− | were gunned down before studying with House Thuranni... because Batman is not... okay,
| |
− | Batman IS a ninja... at least in Batman Begins.<br>
| |
− | 1945. Is an important day in WWII.<br>
| |
− | 1946. I cannot play an Elemental Sorcerer House Thuranni
| |
− | specializing in Ice.<br>
| |
− | 1947. I cannot play an Elemental Sorcerer House Thuranni
| |
− | that's dead and specializing in fire.<br>
| |
− | 1948. I cannot play a House Thuranni WARFORGED named
| |
− | Cyrax.<br>
| |
− | 1949. Because robots and ninjas don't mix.<br>
| |
− | 1950. After beating someone with monk abilities til
| |
− | they're dazed, I will not shout "FINISH HIM".<br>
| |
− | 1951. After a spectacular kill, I will not say "Flawless
| |
− | Victory".<br>
| |
− | 1952. Or... "Fatality".<br>
| |
− | 1953. I will not say "Friendship" to anyone.<br>
| |
− | 1954. Unless it's the Pontiff, because we need the street
| |
− | cred.<br>
| |
− | 1955. It's wrong to tell Jaela she was created by monks
| |
− | and she's actually the Key.<br>
| |
− | 1956. So we can "hide" her from evil.<br>
| |
− | 1957. There is no plane of Eberron named Outworld.<br>
| |
− | 1957. We are not a water bomber.<br>
| |
− | 1958. We are, however, a beer bomber.<br>
| |
− | 1959. We are not police, and we aren't a charitable institution.<br>
| |
− | 1960. We don't protect or serve.<br>
| |
− | 1961. Except ourselves.<br>
| |
− | 1962. And maybe Jaela.<br>
| |
− | 1963. The warforged is not to show off by crushing gnomes
| |
− | against his forehead, either.<br>
| |
− | 1964. We will not sell shirts that say "Kiss her
| |
− | where it smells, take her to the Cogs".<br>
| |
− | 1965. The Mournland is not a nuclear crater.<br>
| |
− | 1966. Okay, maybe it is.<br>
| |
− | 1967. We must refrain from pointing at the bad guy and
| |
− | telling the wizard 'Fire for effect'.<br>
| |
− | 1968. 'Cause the wizard can't shoot worth a damn.<br>
| |
− | 1969. I am not Batman.<br>
| |
− | 1970. I still am not Batman.<br>
| |
− | 1971. All Gnomes do not have a pot o' gold.<br>
| |
− | 1972. I must not tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 1973. Or the greedy rogue.<br>
| |
− | 1974. I must stop hiding in the paladin chick's room
| |
− | to watch her undress for the night.<br>
| |
− | 1975. Or at the very least, stop shouting "Take
| |
− | it off!"<br>
| |
− | 1976) one the note of 1974: Repeat after the captain- "Bribing
| |
− | powerful wizards to cast improved invisibility on the Paladin chick's full plate
| |
− | is not sanctioned".<br>
| |
− | 1977) The above also applies to any and all articles
| |
− | of the Pontiffical wardrobe.<br>
| |
− | 1978) Exept the Pope hat.<br>
| |
− | 1979) Whoever took those posts about "not stpoping
| |
− | for Dragonhawks" and crossed out the "hawk" bit while the captain
| |
− | was off trying to bargin with the Serens for acess to Argonessan is going to
| |
− | get keelhauled- even if he's a warforged.<br>
| |
− | 1980) To spite any prior decrease pretaining to Keelhauling.<br>
| |
− | 1981. The Warforged will not be used as a figurine for
| |
− | the mast.<br>
| |
− | 1982. Even if she does have a female personality, you
| |
− | will not have blacksmith give the warforged "boobies".<br>
| |
− | 1983. You must not use doilies to reach ULTIMATE COSMIC
| |
− | POWER!!!<br>
| |
− | 1983. Ask Kaius if he "Vants to suck your blud".<br>
| |
− | 1983 Offer him a garlic hoagie.<br>
| |
− | 1984. Must not taunt King Kaius by doing a bad Bela
| |
− | Lugosi impression.<br>
| |
− | 1985. While King Kaius is within earshot.<br>
| |
− | 1986. Must not hand King Kaius a cup, asking "You
| |
− | wanted tomato juice, right?"<br>
| |
− | 1987. Must not ask King Kaius, 'So, talked to Vol recently?'<br>
| |
− | 1988. "Eep oop ork ah ah" does not mean 'I
| |
− | love you.'<br>
| |
− | 1989. I am not allowed to make crop circles.<br>
| |
− | 1990. Especially ones of Tira Mirron and 'the big, bad
| |
− | snake'.<br>
| |
− | 1991. And Im REALLY not allowed to make them just outside
| |
− | of Flamekeep in Thrane.<br>
| |
− | 1992. Kang and Kodos do not work on our ship.<br>
| |
− | 1993. You will not refer to Rhukaan Draal as a "wretched
| |
− | hive of scum and villainy".<br>
| |
− | 1994. Even though it is.<br>
| |
− | 1995. The Mourning did not give anyone an "Atomic
| |
− | Wedgie".<br>
| |
− | 1996. Nor did it give anyone a normal "wedgie".<br>
| |
− | 1997. You shall not call the sunrise before a day of
| |
− | combat, the "Dawn of War".<br>
| |
− | 1998. War has been around far longer than that.<br>
| |
− | 1999. Neither shall you call any form of combat in Frostfell
| |
− | a "Winter Assault".<br>
| |
− | 2000. You shall not challenge Aurala's authority by
| |
− | demanding a recount.<br>
| |
− | 2001. The Thronehold Accords was not written by Arthur
| |
− | C. Clarke<br>
| |
− | 2002. Nor was it written by J. R. R. Tolkien.<br>
| |
− | 2003.The Mourning did not occur because someone hired
| |
− | or employed Homer Simpson.<br>
| |
− | 2004. Mr. Burns is not Vol's long lost relative.<br>
| |
− | 2005. A warforged on a plate cannot use its magnet to
| |
− | escape.<br>
| |
− | 2006. The artificer cannot reverse the polarity of anything.<br>
| |
− | 2007. The Kalashtar telepath is not a "l33t mind
| |
− | h4xx0r".<br>
| |
− | 2008. Dragonshards are not made of chopped-up pieces
| |
− | of dragons.<br>
| |
− | 2009. You will not convince any artificer to take a
| |
− | Vow of Poverty.<br>
| |
− | 2010. The wand of fireballs is not your "boomstick".<br>
| |
− | 2008. Correllary to 2005: Not even if it is the LOBster.<br>
| |
− | 2009. Half-bricks in socks will never, ever, defeat
| |
− | a wizard's staff.<br>
| |
− | 2010. No, you may not have an orangutan as a familiar.
| |
− | No monkeys on this ship.<br>
| |
− | 2011. Correction: No apes on this ship. <br>
| |
− | 2012. I don't care how many points you have in your
| |
− | Craft Reserve. You may not make a car out of scrap metal!<br>
| |
− | 2013. For the matter, you may not make a car out of
| |
− | anything.<br>
| |
− | 2014. I don't care if you are 'the warrior from the
| |
− | sky', you may not have an Oldsmobile as part of your starting equipment.<br>
| |
− | 2015. Same goes for the chainsaw and boomstick.<br>
| |
− | 2016. There is not and never will be a prestige class
| |
− | that requires you to score with Jaela. So stop it.<br>
| |
− | 2017. Any use of the words "Jaela", "Mage
| |
− | hand", "Evard's Black Tentacles" and "Prestigation" in
| |
− | the same sentance will result in keelhauling.<br>
| |
− | 2018. Twice.<br>
| |
− | 2019. You may not ask about the ship's miles per gallon.<br>
| |
− | 2020. You may not ask about the warforged's miles per
| |
− | gallon.<br>
| |
− | 2021. For the love of god, FIREBALL IS NOT A TOY!!!<br>
| |
− | 2022. Nor does the captain like being hit by them!<br>
| |
− | 2023. Stop telling the warforged this!<br>
| |
− | 2024. The Warforged is not to use a Hat of Disguise
| |
− | to appear as a Dwarf, then challenge other Dwarves to a drinking contest.<br>
| |
− | 2025. Or a contest to see who can hold his breath for
| |
− | the longest.<br>
| |
− | 2026. If 2025 is broken, we will not call the oxygen-deprived
| |
− | Dwarf 'Papa Smurf' because his face turned blue.<br>
| |
− | 2027. You need far more than bubble gum and a paper
| |
− | clip to foil Vol's plans.<br>
| |
− | 2028. Do not try and get the Artificer to waste time converting a Warforged
| |
− | Titan to a battle mech.<br>
| |
− | 2029. In the unlikely event that he succeeds you are
| |
− | not to hand that mech over to a angsty Japanese teenager.<br>
| |
− | 2030. In fact, should you find yourself with such a
| |
− | weapon, all teenagers in a ten mile radius should be put to death.<br>
| |
− | 2031. You will stop handing out copies of the Evil
| |
− | Overlord list; the bad guys have enough of an edge as is.<br>
| |
− | 2032. YOU ARE NOT JAELA!<br>
| |
− | 2033. For god sakes stop trying to lure Batman into
| |
− | the airship with promises of candy.<br>
| |
− | 2034. Wait....<br>
| |
− | 2035. Dwarfs in full plate are not the latest in missile
| |
− | technology.<br>
| |
− | 2036. Anyone caught mooning royalty will be left behind
| |
− | to explain themselves.<br>
| |
− | 2037. YES, even if it's Aurala.<br>
| |
− | | |
− | [request to original poster: (re)post 2038 through 2044, please.]
| |
− | | |
− | 2045. We will not go into the Mournland specifically
| |
− | to steal a lot of beer from an abandoned brewery.<br>
| |
− | 2046. You will not sell Cyran Evergold Beer looted
| |
− | from Mournlands.<br>
| |
− | 2047. You will not drink said Mournlands-tainted beer,
| |
− | unless you bought the pretzels.<br>
| |
− | 2048. Drinking it will not give you super powers.<br>
| |
− | 2049. You will not eat Mournland-tainted pretzels.<br>
| |
− | 2050. Gnomes are not to be used as snacks.<br>
| |
− | 2051. Or ammunition.<br>
| |
− | 2052. "We're going to need subtlety" does
| |
− | not mean "Learn some Silent fireballs".<br>
| |
− | 2053. Or "Cut people to ribbons while wearing
| |
− | a hooded cloak".<br>
| |
− | 2054. "Diplomacy" does not involve apologizing
| |
− | while blowing people to smithereens.<br>
| |
− | 2055. Your wings are not like a shield of steel.<br>
| |
− | 2056. So bullets can hurt you.<br>
| |
− | 2057. The Sovereign Host do not appear in person to
| |
− | give messages to their followers, you're fooling no one trying.<br>
| |
− | 2058. Even if they did, they would send more profound
| |
− | messages than "3 Pepperonis, 2 meatfeasts and some cheesy garlic
| |
− | bread".<br>
| |
− | 2059. The shifter with glasses is not Dogbert.<br>
| |
− | 2060. That's okay, you shouldn't have been listening
| |
− | to his business plans either way.<br>
| |
− | 2061. I don't care how cool the sword looks, you do
| |
− | not HAVE THE POWER.<br>
| |
− | 2062. Nor the right to dress in only a fur loincloth.<br>
| |
− | 2063. Nor call us the Masters of the Universe.<br>
| |
− | 2064. Do not play mind games with any Inspired we encounter.<br>
| |
− | 2065. They will win.<br>
| |
− | 2066. Yes, the captain is positive they will. Don't
| |
− | try your luck.<br>
| |
− | 2067. Just because the cleric holds the faith of the
| |
− | Silver Flame as her personal ideal does not mean you need to make her some WWJD
| |
− | (What Would Jaela Do?) bracelets.<br>
| |
− | 2068. You most certainly do NOT need to make her any
| |
− | WILJTD (What I'd Like Jaela To Do) bracelets, EVER.<br>
| |
− | 2069. Nor should you even think of trying to program
| |
− | such protocols into the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 2070. What the - By the Host, do you LIKE being keel-hauled?<br>
| |
− | 2071. You do?... Okay, that explains a lot...<br>
| |
− | 2072. The airship is not perfect for a 'chicken cannon'.<br>
| |
− | 2073. Neither is the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 2074. Even though it would look really cool.<br>
| |
− | 2075. The wizard is not to use index cards for his
| |
− | spells.<br>
| |
− | 2076. I'm not chasing them down when he drops them on
| |
− | a windy day.<br>
| |
− | 2077. Again.<br>
| |
− | 2078. The airship is not 'unleaded fuel only'.<br>
| |
− | 2079. The artificer is not named Red Green.<br>
| |
− | 2080. Nor does he have a 'handyman's corner'.<br>
| |
− | 2081. Using lots of duct tape is still required.<br>
| |
− | 2082. You may not summon a celestial whale and have
| |
− | it appear 200 ft above the Daelkyr's head.<br>
| |
− | 2083. And if you did any damage it did would not be
| |
− | considered good-aligned.<br>
| |
− | 2084. Even though she loses powers if she leaves the
| |
− | Cathedral, you will not refer to Jaela as "The Sorceress of Greyskull".<br>
| |
− | 2085. Nor the "The Sorceress of Flamekeep".
| |
− | or "The Cleric of Greyskull." "The Cleric of Flamekeep"
| |
− | is okay because honestly, that's what she is.<br>
| |
− | 2094. Stop making Jaela's hat fall off with cantrips.<br>
| |
− | 2095. Jaela's hat being smaller than the previous pontiffs
| |
− | is wrong.<br>
| |
− | 2096. There is no such thing as "Saint Mirron's
| |
− | School for Girl Pontiffs".<br>
| |
− | 2097. And it does not have uniforms!<br>
| |
− | 2098. Jaela is not Chiyo-Chan.<br>
| |
− | 2099. We will not rename the ship the "Lolicon
| |
− | Con".<br>
| |
− | 2100. Or add the word "Carney" after that.<br>
| |
− | 2101. We are not the Bat-Airship!<br>
| |
− | 2102. Merrix d'Cannith does not write the "A City
| |
− | with No People" series.<br>
| |
− | 2103. King Kaius was not locked in a coffin and thrown
| |
− | into the ocean for 50 years.<br>
| |
− | 2104. The artificer cannot retain the essence of a warforged.<br>
| |
− | 2105. The artificer cannot retain the essence of an
| |
− | artifact.<br>
| |
− | 2106. The artificer is forbidden from going back through
| |
− | the dungeon we cleared and retaining the essence of all the magic traps.<br>
| |
− | 2107. There are no such things as living skills, living
| |
− | feats, or living action points.<br>
| |
− | 2108. You cannot tie anyone to a conductor stone track.<br>
| |
− | 2109. While it is a good song, the bard is forbidden
| |
− | to sing "November Rain" while in Sharn.<br>
| |
− | 2110. The bard is also forbidden from singing "Welcome
| |
− | to the Jungle" while we are in Xen'drick.<br>
| |
− | 2111. No, there are no 2001-style monoliths in Xen'drick.<br>
| |
− | 2112. The crew is forbidden, under penalty of death,
| |
− | to use the airship to make paintball 'drive-bys'. It's just not right.<br>
| |
− | 2113. The crew is not allowed to send the warforged
| |
− | to "Pimp my 'Forged".<br>
| |
− | 2114. You are not allowed to create a daily pamphlet
| |
− | on what Jaela did that day.<br>
| |
− | 2115. Unless the Captain gets the first copy and half
| |
− | of the profits.<br>
| |
− | 2116 You can play chess with the Warforged as pieces.<br>
| |
− | 2117 Warforged Boxing will continue on Moonday nights.<br>
| |
− | 2118 Do not offer a special scratching post to the
| |
− | catgirl.<br>
| |
− | 2119 No asking for a special prayer from Jaela.<br>
| |
− | 2120 I said no special prayers...<br>
| |
− | 2121 Scrapmetal is not a name for warforged.<br>
| |
− | 2122 Do not ask Jaela to heal the sick...<br>
| |
− | 2123 Or to raise the dead.<br>
| |
− | 2124 Need I remind you of keelhauling?<br>
| |
− | 2125: You WILL buy a squirrel.<br>
| |
− | 2126: Warforged are not required to remove body parts
| |
− | during strip poker.<br>
| |
− | 2127: You may not invite Jaela to take part in strip
| |
− | poker.<br>
| |
− | 2128: You cannot ask King Kaius 'how goes the jihad?'<br>
| |
− | 2129: Even if he is taking part.<br>
| |
− | 2130: The Aurrum are not to be referred to as the Hellfire
| |
− | Club.<br>
| |
− | 2131. House Orien members, when teleporting, don't go
| |
− | 'bamf'.<br>
| |
− | 2132. You may not substitute your own 'bamf' noises.<br>
| |
− | 2133. In the future, there will not be robots.<br>
| |
− | 2134. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2135. You may not sell motivational magic mouth spells
| |
− | whose initials spell out drug names.<br>
| |
− | 2136. You may not have the call sign 'Scarecrow'.<br>
| |
− | 2137. Even if your name is Shane Shcofield.<br>
| |
− | 2138. You may not hold money up in front of King Kaius
| |
− | to see if he is a Ravnost.<br>
| |
− | 2139. Or a painting to see if he is a Toreador.<br>
| |
− | 2140. It is quite obvious that he is a Ventrue.<br>
| |
− | 2141. The Silver Flame paladins who took part in the
| |
− | inquisition were not 'agents of the wyrm'.<br>
| |
− | 2142. It is wrong to tell Silver Flame paladins this.<br>
| |
− | 2143. Dog shifters are not named Inuyasha.<br>
| |
− | 2144. You cannot have an older true werewolf brother
| |
− | named Sesshomaru.<br>
| |
− | 2145. Monk/Clerics who have extremely lecherous sides
| |
− | are okay if they are NOT named Miroku.<br>
| |
− | 2146. You cannot be a schoolgirl from Earth.<br>
| |
− | 2147. Or wield a bigass boomerang.<br>
| |
− | 2148. Your paladin's mount is not a giant flying fox.<br>
| |
− | 2149. Strangely no one wants to play Shippou.<br>
| |
− | 2150. Ketler the engineer is hereby forbidden from saying
| |
− | there's a Elemental core breach and one of us has to make a heroic sacrifice
| |
− | against the heat to save us all...<br>
| |
− | 2151. Especially if a warforged can just be sent in...<br>
| |
− | 2152. Or if he caused it deliberately to get rid of
| |
− | the Elf...<br>
| |
− | 2153. Or the Paladin.<br>
| |
− | 2154. Ketler D'cannith is not Scotty, nor should he talk
| |
− | like it.<br>
| |
− | 2155. Ketler is not blind, nor will he wear a magic visor...<br>
| |
− | 2156. Especially if it's to give him X-ray vision.<br>
| |
− | 2157. Ketler is forbidden from attempting to build a
| |
− | hyperdrive for the ship...<br>
| |
− | 2158. Especially from testing it while we're still on
| |
− | it.<br>
| |
− | 2159. Ketler will not build "Evil Death Rays"
| |
− | that can blow up cities.<br>
| |
− | 2160. These Death Rays will not be fired at Fairhaven.<br>
| |
− | 2161. Ketler is forbidden from maniacal laughter.<br>
| |
− | 2162. Ketler is forbidden from trying to clone the Tarrasque.<br>
| |
− | 2163. Especially so he can hollow it out and build a
| |
− | entry plug...<br>
| |
− | 2164. So Jaela can pilot it.<br>
| |
− | 2165. JUST TO GET HER IN A PLUG SUIT.<br>
| |
− | 2166. Ketler is forbidden from building golems solely
| |
− | to do all the dangerous stuff.<br>
| |
− | 2167. Ketler cannot create nitroglycerine in stick form.<br>
| |
− | 2168. Or attempt to use the proceeds from this to make
| |
− | awards for world peace.<br>
| |
− | 2169. Ketler cannot make molecular bonded armor for
| |
− | the ship.<br>
| |
− | 2170. If warforged are not robots, Ketler cannot make
| |
− | them instead.<br>
| |
− | 2171. Ketler is wrong to get special fertilizer to make
| |
− | a gigantic Venus Fly trap...<br>
| |
− | 2172. Solely to help make his production of "Little
| |
− | Shop of Horrors" more authentic.<br>
| |
− | 2173. Ketler is not a supervillain nor can he use the
| |
− | forbidden laser to hold the Four Nations for ransom.<br>
| |
− | 2174. He will not demand "ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"<br>
| |
− | 2175. It is wrong to attach lasers to sharks...<br>
| |
− | 2176. Especially flaming flying sharks.<br>
| |
− | 2177. Ketler will not save up his plunder to get an
| |
− | evil lair.<br>
| |
− | 2178. Ketler is not a "supervillain in the making".<br>
| |
− | 2179. Ketler may be mad and a scientist... but he will
| |
− | not be allowed to refer to himself as a mad scientist.<br>
| |
− | 2180. I don't care if the plans are on the internet,
| |
− | Ketler cannot build an A-bomb.<br>
| |
− | 2181. Ketler cannot taunt Merrix that he's done more
| |
− | evil than the "rank amateur".<br>
| |
− | 2182. Ketler is not allowed to say "D'Cannith is
| |
− | pronounced Day Cannath".<br>
| |
− | 2166. The artificer is forbidden to make a Furby homunculus.<br>
| |
− | 2167. Even if he does, he had better not offer it to
| |
− | Jaela.<br>
| |
− | 2168. Especially after he teaches it to say "The
| |
− | Silver Flame sucks".<br>
| |
− | 2169. Or "How about a date in 6 years?"<br>
| |
− | 2170. Those are keel-hauling offenses, Chester.<br>
| |
− | 2171. Weebles wobble.<br>
| |
− | 2172. But they don't fall down.<br>
| |
− | 2173. I may not attempt to change this.<br>
| |
− | 2174. Especially not with a Meteor Swarm spell.<br>
| |
− | 2175. And especially not when I'm on the airship.<br>
| |
− | 2176. "Bite my shiny metal ass" is not an
| |
− | appropriate response from a warforged when asked for ident papers.<br>
| |
− | 2177. Nor is is appropriate for the artficer to say
| |
− | "Bite HIS shiny metal ass" in the same scenario referring to the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 2178. Unless said warforged name is Shine.<br>
| |
− | 2179. Then it is mandatory.<br>
| |
− | 2180. "Fire the warning monk!" is not an appropriate
| |
− | command for the warforged at the start of a battle.<br>
| |
− | 2181. Especially if the warforged IS the monk.<br>
| |
− | 2183. Andrea, it is not appropriate to sacrifice crew
| |
− | members to the Dark Six.<br>
| |
− | 2184. Andrea, it is not polite to summon demons to destroy
| |
− | the world.<br>
| |
− | 2185. We are to STOP the summoning of the Rajahs...<br>
| |
− | 2186. AND NOT just so we can summon them ourselves.<br>
| |
− | 2187. Nihilism is not an acceptable answer for "What
| |
− | is your religion?"<br>
| |
− | 2188. It is wrong to attempt to dissolve souls to create
| |
− | a Philosopher's Stone.<br>
| |
− | 2189. Even if it worked on Full Metal Alchemist.<br>
| |
− | 2190. It is wrong to reanimate dead crew members to
| |
− | do your chores.<br>
| |
− | 2191. Especially if you killed them for this purpose.<br>
| |
− | 2192. You will not look at "The Evil Overlord's
| |
− | List" for advice.<br>
| |
− | 2193. Queen Aurala is not your greatest rival for world
| |
− | domination.<br>
| |
− | 2194. The Demon Wastes are not a vacation spot.<br>
| |
− | 2195. Jaela is not to be corrupted to the Cult of the
| |
− | Dragon Below.<br>
| |
− | 2196. Especially in exchange for candy.<br>
| |
− | 2197. It is wrong to tell Jaela that the Dragon Below
| |
− | offers Barbie dream house.<br>
| |
− | 2198. Even if it's true.<br>
| |
− | 2199. All the cool kids are NOT joining the Dragon Below.<br>
| |
− | 2200. Evil is not more powerful than good because good
| |
− | is dumb.<br>
| |
− | 2201: Chaos, however, will beat Law because it's better
| |
− | organized.<br>
| |
− | 2202. A warforged's composite plating does not fall off
| |
− | with a Knock spell.<br>
| |
− | 2203. It is wrong to tell them this.<br>
| |
− | 2204. They don't have kickstands.<br>
| |
− | 2205. Or handlebars.<br>
| |
− | 2206. Do not name a warforged titan Tiny.<br>
| |
− | 2207. Keelhauling is still an option.<br>
| |
− | 2208. Warforged do not "pass gas".<br>
| |
− | 2209. It is wrong to tell them this.<br>
| |
− | 2210. You cannot enchant a warforged with the Stinking
| |
− | Cloud spell and have them blast a big one.<br>
| |
− | 2211. Neither will I. I'm Captain, not Evil Overlord.<br>
| |
− | 2212. Suggesting that I'd be better at that job is an
| |
− | appreciated compliment. It is also a keel-hauling offense.<br>
| |
− | 2213. Characters will not be permitted to have Welsh
| |
− | names. They're just too hard to spell and pronounce.<br>
| |
− | 2214. Warforged Scout (MMIII p. 193) characters will
| |
− | not be named Gigantor.<br>
| |
− | 2215. For especially egregious repeat offenses, walking
| |
− | the plank will be substituted for keelhauling.<br>
| |
− | 2216. The Captain's scrying shard will NOT be used to
| |
− | determine if the Paladin Chick is a real redhead.<br>
| |
− | 2217. The chamber pots will not be emptied over the
| |
− | Royal Court of Fairhold.<br>
| |
− | 2218. Chamber pots will not be given to the warforged
| |
− | and told that they are starter foods.<br>
| |
− | 2219. This list is not optional.<br>
| |
− | 2220. Invisible peeping toms will be visibly beaten.
| |
− | <br>
| |
− | 2221. Warforged are not walking ashtrays.<br>
| |
− | 2222. The captain has the final say.<br>
| |
− | 2223. Unless you pay me enough to stay out of it.<br>
| |
− | 2224. There are no halfling warforged.<br>
| |
− | 2225. Stop telling the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2226. For the last time, Jaela is not interested in you.<br>
| |
− | 2227. Just me.<br>
| |
− | 2228. Must not ask the paladin chick if she has 'put
| |
− | on a little weight'.<br>
| |
− | 2229. Mustn't tell Jaela that she is responsible for the
| |
− | Gloaming.<br>
| |
− | 2230. Mustn't tell the warforged that he is responsible
| |
− | either.<br>
| |
− | 2231. The Suggestion spell is not a Jedi Mind Trick.<br>
| |
− | 2232. I'm not even supposed to be here today.<br>
| |
− | 2233. Casting Mute on the warforged does not make him
| |
− | Silent Bob.<br>
| |
− | 2234. Despite the Armblade, Armbow, and Battlefist,
| |
− | warforged still arent OmniMechs.<br>
| |
− | 2235. The warforged is not a training dummy.<br>
| |
− | 2236. I should stop telling the monk this.<br>
| |
− | 2237. Even if the warforged is a bit of a dummy.<br>
| |
− | 2238. We do not have LAN parties.<br>
| |
− | 2239. The warforged is not a router, so I should stop
| |
− | shoving wires into him.<br>
| |
− | 2240. Especially the high-voltage ones.<br>
| |
− | 2241. Despite the disturbingly happy sighs from the
| |
− | warforged.<br>
| |
− | 2242. The airship does not have a towing hitch.<br>
| |
− | 2243. I do not have the power of Life and Death.<br>
| |
− | 2244. This also applies to Tower 312.<br>
| |
− | 2245. We will not tow Tower 312 about as "our mobile
| |
− | house of pleasure".<br>
| |
− | 2246. Especially if you keep making comments about the
| |
− | size of your erection.<br>
| |
− | 2247. We will not ride past Argonessen so you can moon
| |
− | the dragons.<br>
| |
− | 2248. The dragon prophecy does not predict the outcome
| |
− | of next week's Aundair horse races.<br>
| |
− | 2249. The missing moon is not to be referred to as "The
| |
− | Death Star."<br>
| |
− | 2250. Neither the Aurrum nor House Kundarak are to be
| |
− | referred to as "Goldilocks".<br>
| |
− | 2251. All right, I admit it, this keel-hauling thing
| |
− | works better as a punishment when an ocean's involved, but think of the splinters!<br>
| |
− | 2252. Gnomish bards do not have access to the "Rubber
| |
− | Chicken" spell.<br>
| |
− | 2253. Nor any magical item by the same name.<br>
| |
− | 2254. Nor are they allowed to invent such.<br>
| |
− | 2255. You are not my "little buddy", and even
| |
− | if we did get stranded on a desert island I certainly wouldn't let you name
| |
− | it after yourself.<br>
| |
− | 2256. Regarding last night's wet toga/Syberis shard/Keeper-on-Keeper
| |
− | incident: We shall not speak of it again. I'm confiscating every last drop of
| |
− | alcohol on the ship, and every single woman who participated in the 'Best impression
| |
− | of the thirteen moons' contest is to report to my office immediately.<br>
| |
− | 2257. Don't wait up.<br>
| |
− | 2258. Togas, kilts, kimonos, and white plastic shell
| |
− | armor are unacceptable ship attire.<br>
| |
− | 2259. If we crash into the hills, our first priority
| |
− | is helping the artificer get the ship running, not voting on who looks the tastiest.<br>
| |
− | 2260. Well, yes, the catgirl does look... wait... this
| |
− | line of thinking will cease and desist immediately.<br>
| |
− | 2261. Look, do you think I dole out punishments for
| |
− | amusement?<br>
| |
− | 2262. That's a good point, but it hurts me more than
| |
− | it hurts you.<br>
| |
− | 2263. Granted, I could be just as sick as you as far
| |
− | as enjoying punishment.<br>
| |
− | 2264. Okay, this joke's being dragged on a bit long...
| |
− | what the hell am I supposed to do to keep you people in line?<br>
| |
− | 2265. Being left bound, gagged, naked, and cast to Jaela's
| |
− | mercy is not nor will it ever be an appropriate punishment.<br>
| |
− | 2266. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2267. Mordain the Fleshweaver is not ever to be called
| |
− | Dr. Moreau.<br>
| |
− | 2268. Nor does he live on "The Island of Dr. Mordain".<br>
| |
− | 2269. I don't care how priceless his expression was
| |
− | when you first said it.<br>
| |
− | 2270. What do you mean the other players all chuckled
| |
− | and Jeff sprayed soda? What in Khyber are you smoking?<br>
| |
− | 2271. It is wrong to get tattoos for the sake of restoring
| |
− | the mark of death.<br>
| |
− | 2272. The secret ingredient in Green Dragon's Blood
| |
− | is not people.<br>
| |
− | 2273. We are fighting for freedom and glory, not eeps
| |
− | and swag.<br>
| |
− | 2274. That's it, I'm leaving.<br>
| |
− | 1. You shall not address your captain as "Fresh
| |
− | Meat", "Substitute Teacher", "Scab", "Second Place",
| |
− | "Filler Material", "New Guy", "Hardass", "Candy
| |
− | Ass", "Greenhorn", or "Little Sally Frou Frou, Princess of
| |
− | the Fairy Petals".<br>
| |
− | 2. Keel hauling is an option. <br>
| |
− | 3. You shall not address your captain as "Masthead",
| |
− | "Replacement Rudder", or "Dino-fishing-bait", nor shall
| |
− | you ever ever keel haul him again.<br>
| |
− | 4. Keeper Jaela is not of the age of consent, and even
| |
− | if she were, she certainly wouldn't consent to /that/.<br>
| |
− | 5. Neither would Errandis d'Vol. And they certainly wouldn't
| |
− | settle things with a pillow fight.<br>
| |
− | 6. Oh dear Sovereign, I think I'm going to be sick.<br>
| |
− | 7. You shall not address your captain as "Chuck",
| |
− | "The Hurler", "Sir Barfsalot", "The Technicolor Yawn",
| |
− | "Salad Shooter", "Vomit Comet", "Hurly McHurlerson
| |
− | from the Hurly Kingdom of Hurl", or "Spewy".<br>
| |
− | 8. When the captain hides in his room and states that
| |
− | he wishes to be left alone, the appropriate response does not involve sending
| |
− | in the shifter to cuddle.<br>
| |
− | 9. Look, I don't care how fetching she is.<br>
| |
− | 10. It really doesn't matter which fetching I meant,
| |
− | now does it?<br>
| |
− | 11. Oh... /that's/ Marish. I see.<br>
| |
− | 12. What list?<br>
| |
− | 2287. This behavior is despicable, you are all reprehensible
| |
− | for keeping a record of your misdeeds, and if we ever reach 3333 I'm driving
| |
− | straight to Riedra for "Corrective Behavior Modification".<br>
| |
− | 2288. After having met you lot, yes, myself included.
| |
− | Feel... so... dirty...<br>
| |
− | 2289. Psionics aren't better at giving head.<br>
| |
− | 2290. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2291. Changelings' natural forms are not blue with red
| |
− | hair.<br>
| |
− | 2292. The next person to tell the warforged that declaring
| |
− | "KILL ALL HUMANS" while walking with outstretched arms and big clanging
| |
− | steps is a good way to make friends and influence people will be shot out of
| |
− | a torpedo tube.<br>
| |
− | 2293. I don't care that they haven't been invented yet.
| |
− | We have ways.<br>
| |
− | 2294. Dolgrims were not created by 'cracking a few goblin
| |
− | skulls together'.<br>
| |
− | 2295. I should stop telling the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2296. But I won't.<br>
| |
− | 2297. The shifter girl may be deliciously feline, but
| |
− | thats no excuse for her to use the ship as a scratching post.<br>
| |
− | 2298. Bribery doesnt work on any member of the watch
| |
− | above the rank of sergeant.<br>
| |
− | 2299. Unless you're offering the shifter girl.<br>
| |
− | 2300. You are not first on the server.<br>
| |
− | 2301. Receiving a buffing spell is not the same as "turning
| |
− | on uber l337 h4x".<br>
| |
− | 2302. There is no 'god mode', and if there were, you
| |
− | would not be allowed to turn it on.<br>
| |
− | 2303. It's spelled E-L-I-T-E.<br>
| |
− | 2304. Put down that sword... HEY! STOP TK'ING, NUB!
| |
− | WTF!<br>
| |
− | 2305. The artificer does not 'jack in' to the warforged
| |
− | to fix him.<br>
| |
− | 2306. The warforged is not vulnerable to 'cyberpsychosis'.<br>
| |
− | 2307. Pray that he doenst find out what that means.<br>
| |
− | 2308. Pray like you have never prayed before...<br>
| |
− | 2309. The necromancer is NOT Dr. Frankenstein.<br>
| |
− | 2310. Even if he does build a flesh golem, its not Frankenstein's
| |
− | Monster.<br>
| |
− | 2311. Its name is Adam.<br>
| |
− | 2312. Any female psionic named Jean Grey will not be
| |
− | allowed on board.<br>
| |
− | 2313. I do'nt care how good she is, this ain't the [CENSORED]
| |
− | X-Men.<br>
| |
− | 2314. Any ring that you find is not to be referred to
| |
− | as "the precious".<br>
| |
− | 2315. There is no Golden Compass.<br>
| |
− | 2316. ...Or Subtle Knife.<br>
| |
− | 2317. And no, you can't make them (even if you are an
| |
− | artificer).<br>
| |
− | 2318. The fairy's blood is NOT toothpaste.<br>
| |
− | 2319. So stop trying to brush your teeth with it.<br>
| |
− | 2320. You cannot refer to any of the Arcanix wizards
| |
− | as Gandalf.<br>
| |
− | 2321. Or Saruman.<br>
| |
− | 2322. Or Dumbledore.<br>
| |
− | 2323. Orc mages are not to be referred to as Thrall.<br>
| |
− | 2324. And Silver Flame paladins are not to be referred
| |
− | to as Arthas.<br>
| |
− | 2326. The airship was not built for "Junkyard Wars".<br>
| |
− | 2327. Neither was the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 2328. You can't ask the shifter girl and the changeling
| |
− | girl to do a pinup calendar.<br>
| |
− | 2329. Unless you split the profits with the crew.<br>
| |
− | 2330. This ship is in Eberron, we shall not act like
| |
− | we're playing Warhammer.<br>
| |
− | 2331. Eberron will not be described as "Like Torg
| |
− | only not as fun".<br>
| |
− | 2332. We shall not break the 4th wall...<br>
| |
− | 2333. That will include references to "min-maxing
| |
− | for fun and profit."...<br>
| |
− | 2334. Reading the Eberron handbooks while we game in
| |
− | character...<br>
| |
− | 2335. Making snappy comeback lines that require out
| |
− | of character knowledge...<br>
| |
− | 2336. Making REFERENCES to being Batman.<br>
| |
− | 2337. Rolling dice.<br>
| |
− | 2338. Shouting CRITICAL HIT after a spectacular maneuver.<br>
| |
− | 2339. Having arguments in game about whether female
| |
− | RPGers exist or not...<br>
| |
− | 2340. Especially if you are sitting next to one at the
| |
− | table.<br>
| |
− | 2341. YES, he's a girl.<br>
| |
− | 2342. I don't need to tell you twice since she's hit
| |
− | you painfully.<br>
| |
− | 2343. Cross-gender roleplaying is no longer permitted
| |
− | due to...<br>
| |
− | 2344. The abundance of lesbian softcore...<br>
| |
− | 2345. Making disturbing comments about your character's
| |
− | booty in your throaty guy voice...<br>
| |
− | 2346. The fact you make FAN art of your character...<br>
| |
− | 2347. And this is hardly the creepiest stuff.<br>
| |
− | 2348. Shifters will not be referred to as "furries".<br>
| |
− | 2349. Conan the Barbarian is not your role model.<br>
| |
− | 2350. The warforged is forbidden to play basketball
| |
− | with the gnome.<br>
| |
− | 2351. Especially when he is using said gnome as the
| |
− | ball.<br>
| |
− | 2352 You cannot crit a warforged with a can opener.<br>
| |
− | 2353 Stop telling the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2354 Halflings and gnomes are not good eating.<br>
| |
− | 2355 Again, stop telling the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2356 Shifters do not wear flea collars.<br>
| |
− | 2357 Stop telling the shifters this.<br>
| |
− | 2358 And the warforged.<br>
| |
− | 2359 The warforged do not have brass knuckles.<br>
| |
− | 2360 Nor are they a walking port-a-john.<br>
| |
− | 2361 Please quit telling the warforged these things.<br>
| |
− | 2362. The goliath with "Fling Ally" is not
| |
− | to play football with the warforged juggernaut.<br>
| |
− | 2363. Especially when said warforged is the ball.<br>
| |
− | 2364. It is very, very wrong to tell this to either
| |
− | of them.<br>
| |
− | 2365 The first warforged prostitute will be melted for
| |
− | armor.<br>
| |
− | 2366 Warforged will not be pimped.<br>
| |
− | 2367 Warforged cannot be pimps.<br>
| |
− | 2368 A warforged with the sonic ability will not be
| |
− | referred to as a vibrator. <br>
| |
− | 2369. You did not "Steal the Baby from the stupid
| |
− | Dhakaani".<br>
| |
− | 2370. Dhakaani weren't even in the movie... okay, it's pretty
| |
− | close.<br>
| |
− | 2371. Not allowed to make any character that sounds
| |
− | like Pachino in "Scent of a Woman".<br>
| |
− | 2372. I will pimp slap the next person that sez "WHO-HAH!!"<br>
| |
− | 2373. No you cannot have your Necromancer look like
| |
− | Iggy Pop.<br>
| |
− | 2374. Okay, maybe... that guy is creepy-looking.<br>
| |
− | 2375. You cannot cast "Enlarge" on specific
| |
− | body parts. I don't know if any one said it before, but it bears repeating.<br>
| |
− | 2376. We will not all put on goatees to pretend to be
| |
− | our Mirror Universe counterparts.<br>
| |
− | 2378. The changeling will not immitate other crew members
| |
− | to claim to be their Mirror Universe counterparts.<br>
| |
− | 2379. It is wrong to tell the warforged either of the
| |
− | above is true.<br>
| |
− | 2380. I will not fall for you all pretending I've been
| |
− | teleported into a Mirror Universe....<br>
| |
− | 2381. Even if you put a Helm of Opposite Alignment on
| |
− | Aurala to make her a sexy dominatrix.<br>
| |
− | 2382. A Helm of Opposite Alignment to make Jaela incredibly
| |
− | bratty.<br>
| |
− | 2383. A helm of Opposite Alignment to make Kaius incompetent
| |
− | but peaceful while feeding on tomato juice.<br>
| |
− | 2384. Where did you get all of those damn helms?<br>
| |
− | 2385. Infect Boranal with Lycanthropy to make him incredibly
| |
− | vicious and egotistical.<br>
| |
− | 2386. It is NOT wrong to make all the women's fashions
| |
− | on the ship incredibly slutty to reflect the environment, though.<br>
| |
− | 2387. Listen, if you were the Mirror Universe Forgotten
| |
− | Freedom everyone would be NICE, now, wouldn't they?<br>
| |
− | 2388. Mirror Universe Captain Jarlot would NOT be nicer
| |
− | than me!<br>
| |
− | 2389. ...So stop trying to get him onboard with a teleport
| |
− | accident!<br>
| |
− | 2390. Mirror Universe crew would not say "BIZZARROOOOOO!"
| |
− | every other line so stop saying it.<br>
| |
− | 2391. The Mirror Universe Lord of Blades is not a Barber.<br>
| |
− | 2392. The Mirror Universe Quori are not the Care Bears.<br>
| |
− | 2393. The Mirror Universe Lords of Dust do not resemble
| |
− | Mr. Clean or the Bounty Man.<br>
| |
− | 2394. The Mirror Universe Last War did not resemble
| |
− | 100 years of Woodstock.<br>
| |
− | 2395. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2396. The Mirror Universe House Cannith doesn't sell
| |
− | flowers.<br>
| |
− | 2397. Mirror Universe House Deneith aren't hippies.<br>
| |
− | 2398. Mirror Universe House Thuranni are not pirates...<br>
| |
− | 2399. Because Pirates are the opposite of ninjas.<br>
| |
− | 2400. Mirror Universe Argonessan is not inhabited by
| |
− | Flumphs.<br>
| |
− | 2401. The Mirror Universe did not have a Dungeons and
| |
− | Dragon movie that did not suck.<br>
| |
− | 2402. The Mirror Universe cannot be reached by modifying
| |
− | a remote control to create wormholes in space.<br>
| |
− | 2403. Ketler is not Quinn Mallory.<br>
| |
− | 2404. The Dwarf is NEVER John Rhys-Davies.<br>
| |
− | 2405. The Mirror Universe Darguun is not the homeland
| |
− | of Keebler Elves.<br>
| |
− | 2406. Mirror Universe Aereneal does not worship the Beach
| |
− | Boys.<br>
| |
− | 2407. ...I don't even know why you suggested that.<br>
| |
− | 2408. Mirror Universe Valenar are not a bunch of armchair
| |
− | liberals.<br>
| |
− | 2409. ...It is wrong to go to the Mirror Universe to
| |
− | try and conquer them.<br>
| |
− | 2410. Mirror Universe Droaam is not home to Furbys...<br>
| |
− | 2411. Actual Droaam is.<br>
| |
− | 2412. Mirror Universe Eldeen Reaches does not resemble
| |
− | downtown Chicago.<br>
| |
− | 2413. Mirror Universe Sharn is not a hellacious pit...<br>
| |
− | 2414. Normal Universe Sharn has enough of that.<br>
| |
− | 2415. Mirror Universe Khyber is not the home of the
| |
− | Fraggles.<br>
| |
− | 2416. Mirror Universe Shifters are not Muppets.<br>
| |
− | 2417. Mirror Universe Talenta Planes do not have giants
| |
− | riding chocobos.<br>
| |
− | 2418. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2419. Mirror Universe Cardinal Kronzen is not Frank
| |
− | N. Furter from the Rocky Horror Picture show.<br>
| |
− | 2420. Actual Universe Cardinal Kronzen has a very active
| |
− | private life.<br>
| |
− | 2421. The Mirror Universe does not have the worship
| |
− | of the Golden Pond.<br>
| |
− | 2422. If they did, it'd be wrong to attempt to sell urine
| |
− | as holy water.<br>
| |
− | 2423. Mirror Universe Errandis D'Vol is not a misunderstood
| |
− | angsty Goth teen...<br>
| |
− | 2424. Sadly, actual universe one is.<br>
| |
− | 2425. The warforged does not need software upgrades.<br>
| |
− | 2426. The ship does not run on Windows.<br>
| |
− | 2427. No, the paladin chick will not 'lay her hands'
| |
− | on you.<br>
| |
− | 2428. No matter how nicely you ask.<br>
| |
− | 2429. No, you cant bribe her, either.<br>
| |
− | 2430. The bard will not learn poetry beginning 'There once
| |
− | was a man from nNantucket.'<br>
| |
− | 2431. The bard will not inspire confidence with such
| |
− | songs as 'bluff the stupid ogre.'<br>
| |
− | 2432. You still can't kill Lich Vol by dropping houses
| |
− | on her.<br>
| |
− | 2433. I should tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2434. Eventually.<br>
| |
− | 2435. You are forbidden from ever speaking again except
| |
− | for the words...<br>
| |
− | 2436. Arrrrrrr...<br>
| |
− | 2437. Matey...<br>
| |
− | 2438. Hello poppet...<br>
| |
− | 2439. Parley?...<br>
| |
− | 2440. SNARRRRRRLLL...<br>
| |
− | 2441. Grrrrrrrrr....<br>
| |
− | 2441. Shiver me timbers!...<br>
| |
− | 2442. Aye Captain!...<br>
| |
− | 2443. Yo ho!...<br>
| |
− | 2444. Use of warforged as cannonballs is a last-ditch
| |
− | effort.<br>
| |
− | 2445. Warforged will not be used as heated shot.<br>
| |
− | 2446. My hat is not a toy.<br>
| |
− | 2447. You may not bring a bucket of water into to the
| |
− | vault of the Silver Flame.<br>
| |
− | 2448. I don't care how cool the sizzling noises are.<br>
| |
− | 2449. Captain: NO.<br>
| |
− | Crew member: But I was just... <br>
| |
− | Captain: Nothing else at all to do with Jaela, no, nothing. Shut up.<br>
| |
− | 2450. The shifter may not use the mast as a scratching
| |
− | post or nibble stick.<br>
| |
− | 2452. Warforged may not be named Data, Lore, B-4, Jehuty,
| |
− | Anubis, Nieth, Gundam, Melith, Guymelith, Ironsides, Optimus, Galvatron or Hotstreak.<br>
| |
− | 2453. I don't care what it is, just NO!!!<br>
| |
− | 2455. Mirror Universe Jaela doesn't want to sleep with
| |
− | you either.<br>
| |
− | 2456. It is wrong to dress as a teddy bear to lure Jaela
| |
− | in.<br>
| |
− | 2457. A confession will not be done to the Pontiff while
| |
− | she is on your knee.<br>
| |
− | 2458. Jaela will not be induced to being the navigator
| |
− | for our ship and saying 'Baka' lot.<br>
| |
− | 2459. The Keeper of the Flame does not refill the propane.<br>
| |
− | 2460. The Keeper of the Flame doesn't shovel coal.<br>
| |
− | 2461. It is wrong to dress the WARFORGED as a teddy
| |
− | bear.<br>
| |
− | 2462. It is wrong to say the costume of any anthropomorhpic
| |
− | animal is a special warforged-only magic armor.<br>
| |
− | 2463. Even if it makes them somehow MORE intimidating.<br>
| |
− | 2464. Attaching a lodestone to the warforged does not
| |
− | make him sing folk songs.<br>
| |
− | 2465. So stop throwing lodestones at him.<br>
| |
− | 2466. Ioun stones are not for target practice.<br>
| |
− | 2467. I should tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2468. But I probably won't.<br>
| |
− | 2469. Telling the warforged the grey ioun stones bring
| |
− | luck is forbidden.<br>
| |
− | 2470. He has a dozen of the things flying around him
| |
− | for chrissakes...<br>
| |
− | 2471. Selling said grey ioun stones as any kind of dragonshard
| |
− | is a bad idea.<br>
| |
− | 2472. I'll stop one of these days.<br>
| |
− | 2473. It is wrong to teach the warforged the song "Iron
| |
− | Man."<br>
| |
− | 2474. The bard may sing "The Red" when a barbarian
| |
− | rages.<br>
| |
− | 2475. The bard may also sing 'Cars' when we are in the
| |
− | airship.<br>
| |
− | 2476. Note, it must be the Fear Factory cover, or else
| |
− | the bard will be keelhauled.<br>
| |
− | 2477. Under no circumstances will you ever teach the
| |
− | bard to play This(link removed)<br>
| |
− | 2478. The artificer is forbidden to make any gauntlet
| |
− | out of brass.<br>
| |
− | 2479. The gnome is not dinosaur bait.<br>
| |
− | 2480. The anchor is not a dinosaur hook.<br>
| |
− | 2481. Once and for all time no... one... on this... ship... is... Batman...<br>
| |
− | 2482. The name of the ship is Forgotten Freedom not the
| |
− | Flying Asylum.<br>
| |
− | 2483. You don't have to be crazy to work on this ship,
| |
− | but it helps.<br>
| |
− | 2484. Nobody is screaming, it's just you.<br>
| |
− | 2485. You are not the Draconic Prophecy.<br>
| |
− | 2486. The Prophecy is not being spoken by some dude
| |
− | in a black duster and silver goggles named Morpheus.<br>
| |
− | 2487. The Warforged will not be reincarnated as a blender.<br>
| |
− | 2488. It is wrong to tell him this.<br>
| |
− | 2489. We will not use the airship to go duck hunting,
| |
− | or any other kind of bird hunting.<br>
| |
− | 2490. We will not have the Changling impersonate a Werewolf
| |
− | and say "You missed one!" to anger the Paladins of the Silver Flame.<br>
| |
− | 2491. We will not replace the Blood offering with ketchup
| |
− | in the Blood of Vol temple.<br>
| |
− | 2492. We will not collect two of each animal on the
| |
− | airship so that we can preserve every species on the continent. We have a hard
| |
− | enough time feeding the crew.<br>
| |
− | 2493. No, you may not turn your luggage into a homunculus.<br>
| |
− | 2494. Nor your mother's dead body.<br>
| |
− | 2495. Kalashtar psions are not allowed to carry bags
| |
− | of sand, rubies, and funky-looking helmets.<br>
| |
− | 2496. Nor is it even biologically possible for them
| |
− | to be the brothers of super-cheerful Aereneal necromancers.<br>
| |
− | 2497. Aereneal necromancers may not be super-cheerful.<br>
| |
− | 2498. On the other hand, wearing all black, writing
| |
− | bad poetry in the corner of the tavern, and putting on all that awful white
| |
− | make-up is a keelhauling offense.<br>
| |
− | 2499. It is wrong to tell warforged that sharpening
| |
− | their armblade will make them go blind.<br>
| |
− | 2500. It is also wrong to tape their eyes shut after
| |
− | telling them this.<br>
| |
− | 2501. I reapeat, do not use the poop deck as a toilet.<br>
| |
− | 2502. And no its not the cabin boy's job to clean
| |
− | it up.<br>
| |
− | 2503. I will not catch the next idiot who jumps
| |
− | out of the ship.<br>
| |
− | 2504. I have removed a patch of the keel's varnish, so
| |
− | now it has extra splinters.<br>
| |
− | 2505. When we get to 3333 and head to Riedra
| |
− | the costs for the behavior mods are coming out of your pockets.<br>
| |
− | 2505. No, you did not start the Last War because
| |
− | you were bored.<br>
| |
− | 2506. I will stop selling fake maps to lycanthrope
| |
− | houses to the Silver Flame.<br>
| |
− | 2507. I did not go to junior high with Jaela.<br>
| |
− | 2508. The warforged's arm sheath isnt for -that-
| |
− | kind of wand.<br>
| |
− | 2509. I will stop hiding the wizard's wand of
| |
− | Big Kabooms in the warforged's arm sheath.<br>
| |
− | 2510. Or at least tell him to stop high-fiving
| |
− | everyone.<br>
| |
− | 2511. Aereneal elves do not want or need prozac.<br>
| |
− | 2512. Female Talentia halflings do not wear
| |
− | burkhas.<br>
| |
− | 2513. Yes, you have to read the whole list, there
| |
− | will be pop quizzes.<br>
| |
− | 2514. King Kaius is decidedly not Lestat. And
| |
− | his wife is by no means the Queen of the D****d.<br>
| |
− | 2515. In fact, all Anne Rice references are expressly
| |
− | forbidden when speaking about Karrnath.<br>
| |
− | 2516. ...or the Aereneal elves.<br>
| |
− | 2517. We are not "on the jazz".<br>
| |
− | 2518. And the warforged is not Mr. T.<br>
| |
− | 2519. Even if that is his name.<br>
| |
− | 2520. And he has fashioned himself a mohawk and
| |
− | has a body lined with gold.<br>
| |
− | 2521. No matter how cute Marish thinks they are, there will be no hiring of
| |
− | goblin barbarians.<br>
| |
− | 2522. Nor making plush dolls of the same.<br>
| |
− | 2523. Oh for Host's sakes, warforged plushies?
| |
− | That's just wrong!<br>
| |
− | 2524. The warforged is not the same thing as
| |
− | a pet rock.<br>
| |
− | 2525. It is especially wrong to tell it such
| |
− | during a boarding maneuver.<br>
| |
− | 2525. I will learn to count without resorting
| |
− | to fingers, toes, and appendages.<br>
| |
− | 2527. "Forgotten Freedom" is not a
| |
− | bondage reference.<br>
| |
− | 2528. It is wrong to tell the Keeper of the Flame
| |
− | this.<br>
| |
− | 2529. Rental of the ship and/or artificer's equipment
| |
− | and/or shifter bard with a whip for bondage purposes is strictly prohibited
| |
− | and will cease and desist immediately.<br>
| |
− | 2530. Just because the artificer uses infusions
| |
− | doesn't give rights to anyone on the ship to spend half the day with a needle
| |
− | sticking out of your arm.<br>
| |
− | 2531. Except me.<br>
| |
− | 2532. Because I'm the captain, that's why!<br>
| |
− | 2533. Look, if you had to deal with yourself,
| |
− | you'd understand.<br>
| |
− | 2534. Oh, now you beha... ****, thought too soon.<br>
| |
− | 2535. BY THE DRAGONS!!!!!! WHAT UNHOLY ??!?!!
| |
− | ...you clean this up, you dump the bodies.?.?. pieces of anyway, you catch
| |
− | me *faints*.<br>
| |
− | 2536. This never happened.<br>
| |
− | 2537. The new guy is a bit of a weirdo, so don't
| |
− | take him too seriously.<br>
| |
− | 2538. Do not tease the new guy or try to look
| |
− | under his armor. He was badly burned by acid and as such doesn't like to be
| |
− | seen. Leave him alone.<br>
| |
− | yes I know mine are a little forced but I really
| |
− | want this to get to 3333, I have a great set for after the behavior mods.<br>
| |
− | 2539. No, the Kalashtar monk will not show you any "nifty moves"
| |
− | so you can "start trashing bozos".<br>
| |
− | 2540. It is best if you do not call the Sentinel
| |
− | Marshal a "Rent-a-cop".<br>
| |
− | 2541. Pointing to Merrix d'Cannith's dragonmark
| |
− | and saying, "Hey, nice ink!" is unlikely to improve his attitude
| |
− | from "indifferent" to "friendly".<br>
| |
− | 2542. The rumor you heard about a shop in the
| |
− | Firelight District selling potions of natural male enhancement is unfounded.<br>
| |
− | 2543. There is no Cult of the Dragon On The Left.<br>
| |
− | 2544. Or on the right<br>
| |
− | 2545. Or in any other direction, besides below.<br>
| |
− | 2546. That includes non-spatial, and quasi-spacial
| |
− | directions.<br>
| |
− | 2547. There are no cheat sheets to get out of
| |
− | a Maze spell.<br>
| |
− | 2548. No, my cheat sheets are not authentic.<br>
| |
− | 2549. Baelful Polymorph does not change the
| |
− | target into a bale of hay.<br>
| |
− | 2550. I must not waste a Wish spell on a candy
| |
− | bar.<br>
| |
− | 2551. I am not to use a Wish spell on Jaela
| |
− | for ANYTHING.<br>
| |
− | 2552. A warforged soulknife is not Darth Vader.<br>
| |
− | 2553. Unless it's Halloween.<br>
| |
− | 2554. A warforged, catgirl shifter, and halfling
| |
− | is not the cast of FLCL.<br>
| |
− | 2555. Unless they're funny.<br>
| |
− | 2556. Do not call the dogboy shifter Inyuasha.<br>
| |
− | 2557. Unless he's half-fiendish, then he brought
| |
− | it on himself.<br>
| |
− | 2558. Not all pirates act like Johnny Depp from
| |
− | 'Pirates of the Caribbean'.<br>
| |
− | 2559. Even if they're good at it.<br>
| |
− | 2560. Jaela wouldn't like it anyway.<br>
| |
− | 2561. Catgirl shifters can't wear sailor school
| |
− | girl outfits.<br>
| |
− | 2562. Catholic school gear is okay.<br>
| |
− | 2563. Halflings named Edward and Warforged partners
| |
− | name Alfonse will be keelhauled, along with Two Weapon Fighting angsty drow.<br>
| |
− | 2564. TWICE.<br>
| |
− | 2565. Once more for good measure.<br>
| |
− | 2566. I should tell the female changling that
| |
− | she does not have to be naked with blue skin and red hair.<br>
| |
− | 2567. But I will not, and people will thank me
| |
− | for it.<br>
| |
− | 2568. Eberron still isn't medieval Shadowrun.<br>
| |
− | 2569. Nor is it D20 Modern.<br>
| |
− | 2570. But I am Batman, accept it, it is true.<br>
| |
− | 2571. No, you can't have a female shifter based
| |
− | of Baalah from Pawn.<br>
| |
− | 2572. But the changeling could try and look like
| |
− | her, hmm?!?<br>
| |
− | 2573. Especially to dragons named Puff.<br>
| |
− | 2574. I must not use Holy Water Balloons for
| |
− | strafing runs against King Kaius.<br>
| |
− | 2575. The Iron Defender is not a pet.<br>
| |
− | 2576. Nor is it a show dog.<br>
| |
− | 2577. ...Unless we can make money from it.<br>
| |
− | 2578. No killing your rival in the first run-in.<br>
| |
− | 2579. Even if he looks cooler then you.<br>
| |
− | 2580. Don't be mad if his sword's bigger as well...<br>
| |
− | 2581. Permanently scarring your rival on the
| |
− | first encounter is allowed.<br>
| |
− | 2582. Especially if he scarred you first.<br>
| |
− | 2583. I was drunk, there is no Batman on this
| |
− | ship.<br>
| |
− | 2584. The galley is not a bathroom.<br>
| |
− | 2585. You will not call an Inspired ambassador
| |
− | "dreamy".<br>
| |
− | 2586. You can turn an Inspired to stone. However,
| |
− | calling them a "marble quori" afterwards is just wrong.<br>
| |
− | 2587. No, your dad does not run a secret agency.<br>
| |
− | 2588. And even if he did, it would not be fighting
| |
− | misleadingly-named evil outsiders.<br>
| |
− | 2589. And even if it did that, no warforged painted
| |
− | purple would be involved.<br>
| |
− | 2590. Duct tape, cereal boxes and parts harvested
| |
− | from the trash can not be used to make any kind of construct.<br>
| |
− | 2591. And it's spelled fear, not ph34r!<br>
| |
− | 2592. You do not have an incarnate conscience
| |
− | that sits on your shoulder.<br>
| |
− | 2593. I don't care if you strap wings on your
| |
− | familiar!<br>
| |
− | 2594. You may not suck all the monsters out
| |
− | of Khyber with an enormous vacuum cleaner.<br>
| |
− | 2595. The Silver Flame are not to be called regarding
| |
− | agricultural pests.<br>
| |
− | 2596. Reforged do not get visited by a blue fairy
| |
− | one night and become real boys.<br>
| |
− | 2597. "It's not big and it's not clever"
| |
− | does not translate as "now that would be SOOO KEWL!"<br>
| |
− | 2598. The Quori are not led by a long-haired
| |
− | goth who looks like Robert Smith.<br>
| |
− | 2599. You shall not test if warforged have souls
| |
− | by offering one to a Rajah for ultimate power.<br>
| |
− | 2600. Warforged do not have to be rented.<br>
| |
− | 2601. I should stop collecting rent for warforged.<br>
| |
− | 2602. Tossing alchemist's fire in the flame elemental
| |
− | ring does not make the ship go faster.<br>
| |
− | 2603. It makes a pretty bang, though.<br>
| |
− | 2604. Magnetizing the warforged is not funny.<br>
| |
− | 2605. Sleeping with the paladin chick is not
| |
− | a 'religious experience'.<br>
| |
− | 2606: You may not have a miniature giant space
| |
− | hamster as your familiar.<br>
| |
− | 2607: ...or your animal companion.<br>
| |
− | 2608: That one's been done. Twice. Give it up.<br>
| |
− | 2609: No, Trent Oster still doesn't want to give
| |
− | you your job back.<br>
| |
− | 2610: No, you may not usurp control of all the
| |
− | undead in Karrnath and use them to purge all of the "Un-Darkly Cute"
| |
− | from the world. Speaking as the former head of the Church of Miho, that power
| |
− | is mine and mine alone.<br>
| |
− | 2611: The Warforged does not have a "rejection
| |
− | mode".<br>
| |
− | 2612: Not even while raging.<br>
| |
− | 2613: The Artificer may not invent the Killstick,
| |
− | Chibi Killstick, or any variant therof. Crowiko beat you to it.<br>
| |
− | 2614: Any young, jailbait female necromancers
| |
− | with mental issues are not allowed to wear hair ribbons.<br>
| |
− | 2615: The ultimate source of your power is not
| |
− | the Necrowombicon.<br>
| |
− | 2616: It is, however, mine.<br>
| |
− | 2617: Yes, Duct Tape is an effective weapon against
| |
− | Stick golems.<br>
| |
− | 2617: You may not summon fanboy armies.<br>
| |
− | 2618: Or ex-Idols.<br>
| |
− | 2619: You may not make any sort of "URGENT
| |
− | ANNOUNCEMENT!!" unless your name is Scott Douglas "Draegos"
| |
− | Thompson.<br>
| |
− | 2620: If the Captain is sick and calls off the
| |
− | day's activities, it is not a DPD (Dead Pirate Day).<br>
| |
− | 2621: 6o 3z o\/\ 73h n0()8z, d00d.<br>
| |
− | [2621: My brother, you must provide subtitles for they who are not among our
| |
− | elite order.]<br>
| |
− | 2622: Oh look, more bombs.<br>
| |
− | 2623: Next time, use shorter taunts.<br>
| |
− | 2624: Okay! Enough MegaTokyo references already!<br>
| |
− | 2625. You are not to summon Cthulhu.<br>
| |
− | 2626. Not are you to have the artificer make
| |
− | a scroll of hold divine being.<br>
| |
− | 2627. And then use it while the bard plays elevator
| |
− | music.<br>
| |
− | 2628. Nor is Cthulhu to be introduced to any
| |
− | Daelkyr.<br>
| |
− | 2629. I have so little sanity left from last
| |
− | time.<br>
| |
− | 2630. You will disregard any similarity between
| |
− | the Silver Flame and the Golden Throne.<br>
| |
− | 2631. Even if the bound divine beings in either
| |
− | have told you different.<br>
| |
− | 2632. No, the quori don't have drinking games.<br>
| |
− | 2633. Nor can you get them drunk.<br>
| |
− | 2634. I swear that Kalashtar was sober when I
| |
− | left her...<br>
| |
− | 2635. Painting the Warforged red will not make
| |
− | him go faster.<br>
| |
− | 2636. Especially if he has an Admantine body.<br>
| |
− | 2637. It is wrong to tell him this.<br>
| |
− | 2638. Same goes for painting the ship red.<br>
| |
− | 2639. We are not Karrnathi.<br>
| |
− | 2640. The ship stays green.<br>
| |
− | 2641. Because I am Captain and I say so.<br>
| |
− | 2642. The artificer is not to be referred to as
| |
− | that "Rambling Wreck from Cannith Tech, with skills in cogs and gears".<br>
| |
− | 2643. You will not get a Lycanthrope to infect
| |
− | Aurala.<br>
| |
− | 2644. Or for any other purpose.<br>
| |
− | 2645. Especially not that...<br>
| |
− | 2646. You will not get Dragonmark Tattoos.<br>
| |
− | 2647. We have enough trouble as it is.<br>
| |
− | 2648. Renegade Mastermakers are not Cyborgs.<br>
| |
− | 2649. Nor are they named Batou or Motoko Kusanagi.<br>
| |
− | 2650. Riedrans have no trouble with Rs or Ls.<br>
| |
− | 2651. Riedrans are not stupid.<br>
| |
− | 2652. Just because they are the only ones who
| |
− | don't understand that thier "inspired' leaders are evil demons from the
| |
− | relams of dreams and that the Kalashtar are the good guys... Uh, actually, I take
| |
− | back 2651.<br>
| |
− | 2653. Riedrans are stupid.<br>
| |
− | 2654. Telling your familiar to "go for
| |
− | the beer" is never, ever a good thing.<br>
| |
− | 2555. Hamster familiars give a -2 penalty on
| |
− | all saves to resist drunkenness, and render you immune to alcohol poisoning.<br>
| |
− | 2556. Telling the crewmates with hamster familiars
| |
− | this is a keelhaulable offense.<br>
| |
− | 2557. The artificer MAY NOT gain warforged cohorts
| |
− | with the Adamantine body feat, kill them, then salvage them for the 'raw material'.<br>
| |
− | 2558. The Forgotten Freedom is NOT fully submersible.<br>
| |
− | 2559. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2560. No, not even if we get a water elemental
| |
− | bound to the ring. <br>
| |
− | 2561. Hamsters are to be kept separate at all
| |
− | times. We don't have enough food for another tribble parody.<br>
| |
− | 2561. No one on this ship can kill people with
| |
− | their brains.<br>
| |
− | 2562. Yes, is wrong to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |
− | 2563. Oh, I'm sorry-- no one on this ship without
| |
− | a great bloody quori stuck in their head can kill people with their brains.<br>
| |
− | 2564. None of the major holy texts of the Silver
| |
− | Flame or the Host are fuzzy about kneecaps.<br>
| |
− | 2565. You may not refers to the shifters as trained
| |
− | apes... without the training.<br>
| |
− | 2566. Being struck with water balloons does not
| |
− | cause warforged to go on murderous rampages.<br>
| |
− | 2567. And yes, it is wrong to tell them this.<br>
| |
− | 2568. The artificer may not craft anything while
| |
− | drunk.<br>
| |
− | 2469. Especially after the "Captain's Undergarments"
| |
− | golem we had a few weeks back.<br>
| |
− | 2470. After the "Girdle of Reverse Masculinity/Femininity"
| |
− | incident, the artificer may not craft anything at all.<br>
| |
− | 2472. Especially garments of enhance Masculinity/Femininity.<br>
| |
− | 2473. The artificer will deconstruct that golem and give me my stuff back immediately.<br>
| |
− | 2373. The ship is not a Zig, Nor shall it be moved in a manner denoting this.<br>
| |
− | 2374. Being a Ranger and having the power attack feat does not make you a Power Ranger.<br>
| |
− | 2375. Even if you have the suit.<br>
| |
− | 2555. Your Warforged ally's name is not Big O, it is not necessary to scream "SHOWTIME!" every time he attacks.<br>
| |
− | 2556. Members of House Deneith who take levels in the Renegade Mastermaker prestige class shall not be referred to as Robocop.<br>
| |
− | 2557. This title is reserved for members of the Sharn watch who take them.<br>
| |
− | 2558. It is somehow right and noble to tell the warforged this.<br>
| |