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| [[Forgotten_Freedom:1_1001|Previous Rules]] ~*~ [[Forgotten_Freedom:Rules|Rules Home]] ~*~ [[Forgotten_Freedom:1516_1970|More Rules]]
| | Hello my friend heres my new gig easy as it looks Ill send u a total of 5350++ backlinks to your website in 2 tiers. This gig its for 1 website and up to 5 keywords. First tier to your main website 350 page rank 1-5 and the the second tier of 5000 profile backlinks pointing to your first tier.Ill send u a report in a txt file in less than 48 hours.Any question just send me a private message |
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| 1002. In Karrnath, Cart does not drive you.
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| 1003. Nor does it in Riedra.
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| 1004. Maybe in the Lord of Blades' realm.
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| 1005. We will not make the warforged give us rickshaw rides.
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| 1006. Guy Fawkes day is not celebrated in Eberron.
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| 1007. Especially not with blowing up Parliament.
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| 1008. DO NOT allow the artificer to fuse a poison gas spell into his finger, then later say, "Pull my finger."
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| 1009. Jaela is not your betrothed.
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| 1010. King Kaius is not 'your *****'.
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| 1011. King Borenal does not 'owe you fifty from college'.
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| 1012 The bard is to refrain from singing "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" as we leave port.
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| 1013. The warforged is not a wind-up toy.
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| 1014 Nor is he named Kryten.
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| 1015 The ship's cat is not a humanoid with a sense of style.
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| 1016 There is no spoon.
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| 1017 There IS a spork.
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| 1018 The Gods don't engage in drinking contests.
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| 1019 There are no leprechauns with pots of gold. I should not tell the greedy rogue this.
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| 1020 They dont have Frosted Lucky Charms, either.
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| 1021 Repeat after me, "I am not a bird, I am not an airship, I am not Superman."
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| 1022. And you still aren't Batman.
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| 1023. You will not polymorph yourself into a little boy and create a specialized invisibility spell that only Jaela can see though and attempt to be her special friend.
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| 1024. Or make said invisibility spell.
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| 1025. The next person who breaks any rules regarding Jaela will be smeared in food and told to walk the plank over an underwater temple of the Devourer.
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| 1026. Please, refrain from casting random fireballs at sacred druid groves... unless the captain says so.
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| 1027. Any umbragen who is a ranger, has two scimitars, and has a black panther onyx figurine will be shot on sight.
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| 1028. Clerics repeat after me, "Undying are not to be turned."
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| 1029. To the Dark Side of the Force.
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| 1030. Japanese.
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| 1031. You do not really think so. You do not really think so.
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| 1032. Gay.
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| 1033. We will not offer to become Privateers for Kaius if he makes us an undead crew.
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| 1034. Commander Adama could not do a better job than me.
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| 1035. The Lord of Blades is not Doctor Doom.
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| 1036. Nor am I.
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| 1037. Cosmic Radiation will kill us, not give us superpowers.
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| 1038. If the human race is largely destroyed by warforged, we will not flee with a ragtag military fleet to the mythical continent of Riedra.
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| 1039. Or Earth.
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| 1040. Warforged are not part of a secret group called "SkyNet".
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| 1041 Putting springs on my Boots of Striding and Springing does not make me spring twice.
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| 1042. A Darkskull is not a good wedding present.
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| 1043. Or a good anniversary present, for that matter.
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| 1044. Skeksis do not come from Khyber.
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| 1045. Jaela does not want a piece of candy.
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| 1046. Potions of Love are not to be used indiscriminantly.
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| 1047. For instance, at a State banquet.
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| 1048. The captain of the Sharn Watch is not 'a jackbooted thug', and I should not try to convince others of this.
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| 1049. I must not place bets on the effects of a Rod of Wonder.
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| 1050. An Immovable Rod is not the ship's emergency brake.
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| 1051. I must not cast Alarm on the ship's latrine.
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| 1052. I must not cast Magic Mouth to say "WHEW!! What did you EAT?" when someone uses the latrine, either.
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| 1053. I must not replace the cleric's holy water with scotch.
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| 1054. Or vodka, either.
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| 1055. Undead can't get drunk.
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| 1056. The cleric is not a 'sawbones'.
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| 1057. The bard's songs are the greatest things I have ever heard.
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| 1058. Unless she is not around to hear me.
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| 1059. Then they are the tortured squawks of dying harpies.
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| 1060. King Kaius does not belong to the Camarilla.
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| 1061. Nor does he belong to the Sabbat.
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| 1062. The elemental ring around the airship does not 'pull-start'.
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| 1063. The artificer will not build a 'holodeck'. Did any of you actually -watch- Star Trek? Do you not know what happens?
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| 1064. The artificer will not build a wonderous item with unlimited uses of detect secret doors, detect traps, and silence so as not to have to pay the rogue a share of treasure for his services.
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| 1065. The captain will not address the airship's "AI".
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| 1066. Especially with the command "main screen turn on".
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| 1067. No officer shall report that anyone has "set us up the bomb".
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| 1068. Even if they have.
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| 1069. You will not refer to the Lhazaar Principalities as "evil Canada".
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| 1070. In all seriousness, you will not do a barrel roll.
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| 1071. The barbarian will not refer to his rage as a 'limit break'.
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| 1072. We do not waste a wish spell wishing for theme music.
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| 1073. Especially not the Final Fantasy victory theme.
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| 1074. Or the Batman theme.
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| 1075. Because (say it with me...!) you are not Batman.
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| 1076. Even if you have levels in artificer, rogue, and the Master Inquisitive PrC.
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| 1077. The artificer will not craft a "batarang".
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| 1078. Nobody may call 'dibs' on NPC commoners' EXP values.
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| 1079. Nor on Jaela.
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| 1080. Even if you use an action point.
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| 1063. Your character may not control the mists of the Mournland (adopted from our Ravenloft campaign).
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| 1064. Not every ridge is a good place to throw the anchor.
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| 1065. Especially not the spires of Sharn.
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| 1066. The Glass Plateau is not a good place for ice skating.
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| 1067. Whenever you succeed a spot check, thou shalt not announce this by saying "Listen! I smell something."
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| 1068. You do not have to ask "Anybody at home, McFly" whenever you cast a knock spell.
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| 1069. Nor is the formula "Knock, knock, Neo!"
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| 1070. When your female char wakes up besides a handsome guy with a smile on her face, it is not funny to say "Why, oh, why didn't I take the blue pill?"
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| 1071. Even though their facial expressions may be poor, warforged are not constantly stoned. Thus thou shalt not name them "Stoners".
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| 1072. Your warforged does not have to say "I'll be back" every time it leaves.
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| 1073. When you're being asked whether you're a god, you say "Yes!"
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| 1074. Deathless do not particulary enjoy Alphaville in general or "Forever Young" in particular.
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| 1075. The next bard who wants to play eighties music will be thrown overboard. Without harp.
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| 1076. You shall not call the ships personality HAL nor remove its memory banks.
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| 1077. Remember that the ship's personality may read lips.
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| 1078. Giant crystal balls of *beep*, drugs and rock n' roll do not exist.
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| 1079. Kaius will not lend you his harem.
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| 1080. Warforged does not have anything to do with Warhol. Thou shalt not name your warforged Andy Warhol.
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| 1081. Nor have pop-art airbrushes.
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| 1082. The default way to use the ship in the dock is walk over the plank. Not to swing on a cord from the main mast and scream "Geronimooooooo!"
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| 1083. The warforged or any other character who weighs more than 1000 pounds while not having particular large feet should not go first in the swamp.
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| 1084. Thou shalt not call your goblin servant Toby.
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| 1085. Trying to talk ghosts in the Mournland into being nihilists and dissolve is not an approved tactic.
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| 1086. Not every level of Sharn below the one you are currently at is automatically a ga4bage dump.
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| 1087. Brilliant energy longswords are not lightsabers.
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| 1088. Thou shalt not quote the monologue of Lady Macbeth in Queen Aurala's presence.
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| 1089. No, the Artificer cannot build a lightsaber.
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| 1090. Nor can he make the ship make point five past lightspeed.
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| 1091. The Elemental Ring is not a garbage disposal.
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| 1092. Or a cigarette lighter.
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| 1093. The Warforged is not allowed to "light up" a Noxious Smokestick.
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| 1094. It is not time to buzz the tower.
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| 1095. You may not annoy the elemental by firing Rays of Frost at the Ring.
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| 1096. You cannot make the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs.
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| 1097. You still aren't Batman.
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| 1098. Walking up a flight of stairs does not mean you 'went up a level'.
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| 1099. The Draconic Prophecy is not "Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse".
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| 1100 - 1199. I cannot count. Do not correct me.
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| 1200. Neither is it 'six parts gin to one part vermouth'.
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| 1201. We are not allowed to send messages to the Bad Guy reading "If youre not wearing any underwear, smile."
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| 1202. The warforged will NOT refer to him self in conversation in the third person, nor is he to start a sentence with "Me Grimlock..."
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| 1203. He is not allowed to start a barbarian rage by shouting "HULK SMASH!", either.
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| 1204. Lammania is not the 'forest plain of Endor'.
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| 1205. When repairing the warforged, be sure to attach his legs so he 'won't have to be in this ridiculous position'.
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| 1206. The Cogs are not to be refered to as Slumsville.
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| 1207. Even if they are a slum.
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| 1208. I may not sell the shifter for magic beans.
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| 1209. I may not form chain gangs.
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| 1210. Frostfell is not 'the Great White North'.
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| 1211. I will not ask Karrnathi citizens if they eat Karrnathi Bacon or regular Bacon.
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| 1213. Bug spray does not work on Stirges.
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| 1214. Daelkyr do not need to 'mellow'.
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| 1215. The Lords of Dust are not a drug gang.
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| 1216. An arcane caster from Lhazaar is not a "Wizard of the Coast".
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| 1217. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.
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| 1218. The warforged is not Iron Man.
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| 1219. Nor does he have jetboots.
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| 1220. Nor is the artificer allowed to make such a thing.
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| 1221. Nor is he allowed to make a "Beam Cannon".
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| 1222. For the last time, there is no gunpowder in Eberron.
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| 1223. And no you still aren't Batman.
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| 1224. Stop telling the warforged this as well.
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| 1225. You are not to convert to LG, take levels as a paladin of the Silver Flame, then fall and prestige class into blackguard simply because you think Pontiff Jaela would find a ‘bad boy’ irresistible.
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| 1226. It is also wrong to suggest this plan to the paladin, or any who are LG anyway.
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| 1227. You shall not refer to the warforged as “Your plastic pal who’s fun to be with”.
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| 1228. You will not draw a moustache on The Face of Tira.
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| 1229. Nor a pair of glasses.
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| 1230. Nor will you pay someone to do it for you.
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| 1231. Nor enscroll them to do it either.
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| 1232. No one on the crew will ever say “What happens in Atur, stays in Atur”.
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| 1233. You will not refer to the Crimson Monastery as “The Blood Bank”.
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| 1234. You will not create a Karrnath military structure named any of the following: Fort Spleen, Fort Toenail, Fort Eyelash, Fort Small Intestine, or a fort named after any other part of a body.
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| 1235. You will not put a bumper sticker on the airship that says, “My alma mater is Rekkenmark Academy.”
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| 1236. Even if it was.
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| 1237. We do not go to the plane of Daanvi before ordering out. The Plane of Perfect Order does not have anything to do with ordering food.
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| 1238. I don’t care if Dal Quor is the Region of Dreams, you still aren’t allowed anywhere near Jaela, even in that plane.
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| 1239. You shall not refer to the souls existing in Dolurrh as “Deadheads”.
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| 1240. We do not have to go to Fernia to roast marshmallows.
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| 1241. Nor do we have to summon extra fire elementals just for that purpose. Use the ring around the airship like everybody else.
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| 1242. You shall not open a portal to Irian just to get a tan.
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| 1243. The Faerie Court does not mean what you think it does.
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| 1244. You are not to arrange for Pontiff Jaela to travel to Thelanis for 312 days, simply so she’ll be 18 years old when she comes back.
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| 1245. Nor 676 days, so she’ll be 25.
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| 1246. In fact, you’re not allowed near her at all. Get over this obsession.
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| 1247. You are not to do evil things then say “But I was possessed. A demon made me do it.”
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| 1248. Unless that is the truth.
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| 1249. In which case we’ll have a Exorcist of the Silver Flame exorcize you.
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| 1250. I said an Exorcist! Pontiff Jaela doesn’t have any levels in that class, so don’t bother getting yourself possessed.
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| 1251. The artificer infusion ‘Suppress Requirement’ does not suppress Thranish age of consent laws.
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| 1252. The spell is ‘Feast of Champions’. not ‘Breakfast of Champions’.
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| 1253. There is no official skill called ‘sexual prowess’.
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| 1254. Thus, the artificer can not create a ‘skill enhancement’ item to improve your roll on said skill.
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| 1255. You will not take control of any of the Towers of Arcanix and dunk them in Lake Galifar.
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| 1256. Or any other bodies of water.
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| 1257. No one shall alter the maps. Its name is Lake Dark, not Lake Darkwing Duck.
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| 1258. We do not throw nets over the side of the airship, drag them along the ground, pull them up and refer to anything inside as “the catch of the day”.
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| 1259. You will not refer to a group made up of House Vadalis, House Ghallanda, and House Cannith as “the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker”.
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| 1260. A Prospector’s Rod is a magic item for finding minerals in the ground. It is not a euphemism for a part of the half-orc’s body.
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| 1261. An Essence of the Scout component for warforged does not require, literally, ‘the essence of the scout’.
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| 1262. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.
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| 1263. Zakya Rakshasas are not to be referred to as “T-I-Double-grrr-E-R.”
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| 1264. You will not learn the spell clone, simply in the hopes of finding a lock of Pontiff Jaela’s hair somewhere. According to the spell description that won’t work, and besides... that’s just sick.
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| 1265. There will be no cloning Jaela to 18 years old so there's enough for everyone.
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| 1266. Jaela's mother is not a MILF.
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| 1267. Nor is Queen Aurala.
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| 1268. King Boranal's eldest daughter is not to be referred to as "my ticket to monarchial goodness".
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| 1269. King Boranal's younger daughter is not to be referred to as "my backup plan to monarchial goodness".
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| 1270. King Boranal's romance with his wife is to not to described with the song from the Brady Bunch nor are they to be referred to as the "Borry Bunch".
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| 1271. We not going to paint the warship orange with a big Cyrean flag on the bottom.
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| 1272. It is not the General Lee.
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| 1273. We are not a bunch of "Good ol' Boys".
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| 1274. Nor do we give "Rebel Yells".
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| 1275. Marish the Catgirl can wear Daisy Dukes.
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| 1276. Queen Aurala's slightly overweight brother is not to be referred to as "Boss Hog".
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| 1277. It is impossible to make an airship go fast enough to make leaps across ravines without using the flying mechanism.
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| 1278. Nor will we use it stop in mid air to make narrations.
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| 1279. Even if we put wheels on it.
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| 1280. The airship does not contain a 'flux capacitor'.
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| 1281. It is not powered by 'Mr. Fusion'.
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| 1282. It cannot reach 88 miles per hour, not even in a dive, so we're not going to try, so stop asking already.
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| 1283. It is not produced by d'Lorien (or even L. d'Orien. Scary coincidence, eh?) and it is not made of stainless steel, whatever that is.
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| 1284. Ducks are not air to air missiles.
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| 1285. Chickens and cows are not to be used as ammunition during airship bombing runs.
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| 1286. Signing Marish the Catgirl up to be the pontiff's holy playmate is strongly discouraged (yes, even is you offer to scry them for the whole crew while 'at play').
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| 1287. No one may refer to the warforged as "paranoid androids".
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| 1288. When we are repelling borders, demanding that they "go away or you shall taunt them a second time" is a waste of valuable resources. Stop it.
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| 1289. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are the Deathless to be referred to as "Bubba Ho-teps".
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| 1290. No feat from the Book of Erotic Fantasy works on Jaela. Get over it.
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| 1291. "Eat my shorts" is not a proper response to the villian's monologue.
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| 1292. Where the Cleansing is concerned, shifters are not to be encouraged to "get over it".
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| 1293. Anyone caught "doing the robot" with the warforged had better be dancing.
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| 1294. No one may start a religion that worships twinkies.
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| 1295. Even though they are filled with wholesome goodness.
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| 1296. And are, in fact, the most awesomest snack food ever invented.
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| 1297. No, your character cannot devolop a tolerance for dreamlily.
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| 1298. Whomever has been betting the title to the ship on the kobold races had better stop it.
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| 1299. I don't care how many times you've won.
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| 1300. Just because the shifter hasn't bathed today, you may not refer to him as "Pigpen" or "the Lord of the Flies".
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| 1301. Stop encouraging the changeling to "look like Jaela" for you.
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| 1302. Stop feeding books to the shifters (it doesn't matter that they don't know the difference).
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| 1303. "Dee-dee-dee" is not a proper response to anything.
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| 1304. When a party member dies, no one may exclaim "OMG, you killed Kenny! You s!"
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| 1305. And Mr. Hanky does NOT live in the Cogs.
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| 1306. The warforged do not have smell resistance.
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| 1307. It is wrong to tell them so.
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| 1308. If for any reason you meddle in the affairs of the Chamber, I will personally tie you up and hand them a bottle of ketchup.
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| 1309. The Lord of Blades CAN chew nails and spit coins.
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| 1310. You can't.
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| 1311. The Mournlands is not to be referred to as "The Deadlands".
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| 1312. The group sorcerer is not a 'huckster'.
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| 1313. You may not Wish Jaela to be 18 years old.
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| 1314. So stop trying to bribe every wizard to cast the spell.
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| 1315. The airship does not have a CD player.
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| 1316. Hell, it doesnt even have an 8-track player.
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| 1317. The shifter will not be reffered to as 'Morris'.
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| 1318. Even if he does tend to hum the damned 'Meow Mix' song.
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| 1319. We are not Greyhound and do not drive you anywhere for 69 gp.
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| 1320. For the love of the Host, DON'T leave the driving to us.
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| 1321. You are not allowed to try to skip the gnome across Lake Mirror.
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| 1322. You are not allowed to bullfight a Gorgon.
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| 1323. Not even if Jaela promises 'a kiss to the winner'.
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| 1324. When the bad guy is done with his tirade, do NOT ask "You and whose army?"
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| 1325. For he will show you whose army.
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| 1326. Never ask the bad guy if he has ever had an evilgasm.
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| 1327. Never ask the evil woman "Do you douche?"
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| 1328. The first person to say 'TGIF' DIES!!!!
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| 1330. You will not sacrifice minions to solve a problem.
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| 1131. You will not befriend the Elemental and call him Kitt.
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| 1132. The fire ring cannot be made to look like a blinking light in a triangle in front of the ship
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| 1133. David Hasselhoff has not been cool for two decades...
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| 1134. If ever.
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| 1135. You will not have the Wolf Shifter magician helmsman cast cantrips on the ship to make "Airwolf" noises.
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| 1136. We cannot rebuild your character...
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| 1137. We do not have the technology.
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| 1138. Stop trying to make unholy experimentations of grafting warforged parts.
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| 1139. To answer the question definitively, NO, you cannot harvest mithril or adamantine from dead warforged! It's like graverobbing!
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| 1140. The fact that graverobbing doesn't deter you should not encourage you!
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| 1141. Would you cut off the fingers of someone turned into gold by polymorph?
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| 1142. Yes is not a good answer.
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| 1143. NO, YOU CAN'T TRY IT!
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| 1144. You cannot get a dragonmark through skin grafts. So stop trying.
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| 1145. What the hell is wrong with your cleric!?
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| 1146. No, you cannot breed hippogriffons.
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| 1147. Or give THEM warforged grafts.
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| 1148. You shall not attempt to become Thranish privateers to get on Jaela's good side.
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| 1148. The Devourer is not the All Powerful Sarlacc.
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| 1149. There are no Tusken Raiders in Valenar.
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| 1150. Just because elves have pointy ears does not mean they 'know this guy named Spock'.
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| 1151. We don't have phasers or photon torpedos on the airship.
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| 1152. We don't even have a cuisinart.
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| 1153. Unless you count the warforged with the Whirlwind feat.
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| 1154. It's pretty Bitc#in to see.
| |
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| 1155. No, he can't demonstrate it right now.
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| 1156. You are not allowed to make a film of the Sharn Watch in action and call it "Troops".
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| 1157. Nor can you call it "COPS".
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| 1158. And there is no show called "Aundair's Most Wanted".
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| 1159. And you may not make one.
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| 1160. Khorvaire's Wildest Watch Chases is okay.
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| 1161. 'Knock yourself out' is NOT a literal phrase, nor a legal order.
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| 1162. So stop telling it to the warforged.
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| 1163. YOU STILL AREN'T BATMAN!! GIVE IT UP, ALREADY!!!
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| 1164. Sneaking into the women's showers does not qualify you as an Extreme Explorer.
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| 1165. Ship's Log entries are not to be made in L33t 5p33&.
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| 1166. Anyone caught doing so will be keel-hauled.
| |
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| 1167. Twice.
| |
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| 1168. You will not gloat over a kill by saying "I PWNED HIM!!"
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| 1169. See rules number 1166 and 1167 about this one.
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| 1170. Wizards are not to use their Teleport spells to telefrag someone.
| |
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| 1171. See rule number 1169 about this one.
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| 1172. The Shifters must clean their own hair out of the shower drains.
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| 1173. You are not allowed to tell rookies that it's their job.
| |
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| 1174. Especially the hot ones.
| |
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| 1175. Going out with a Salamander is not a 'hot date'.
| |
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| 1176. Even though it will be a hot date.
| |
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| 1177. The snake-charming trick doesnt work on Yuan-ti.
| |
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| 1178. Stop telling the bard this.
| |
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| 1179. The artificer is not 'Mr. Goodwrench'.
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| 1180. A Wand of Light is not to be refered to as a MagLite. And you cannot use it to 'crack some skulls'.
| |
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| 1181. Casting Grease on the inside of a pail and casting Heat Metal on the pail will not let you deep fry anything.
| |
| | |
| 1182. You may not bungee-jump from the ship.
| |
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| 1183. We are not on a five-year mission.
| |
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| 1384. There is no such thing as "Phoenix Down".
| |
| | |
| 1385. If there were such a thing, it could not be used to "one-shot" Kaius.
| |
| | |
| 1386. Or Vol.
| |
| | |
| 1387. Or Moranna.
| |
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| 1388. Or any other undead.
| |
| | |
| 1389. Telling the warforged this may get you keel-hauled or simply "Volunteered" into the Karrnathi Army.
| |
| | |
| 1390. And no, I have no idea what effect said imaginary "down" would have on Deathless.
| |
| | |
| 1391. You may not test it out on them.
| |
| | |
| 1392. Even if the artificer can somehow make it.
| |
| | |
| 1393. If he does, you two will walk the plank over The Lair of the Keeper.
| |
| | |
| 1394. The Lair is not to be referred to as the "Souls R' Us".
| |
| | |
| 1385. You shall not invite a priest of "Keith Baker" onto the ship. I don't care if his domain power makes our daring exploits easier.
| |
| | |
| 1386. You will not infer that said Keith Baker is the lord above the progenerator dragons, ecspecially with the fact the prophecy constantly references a baker's dozen.
| |
| | |
| 1387. Due to the ship being nearly destroyed by the Thrannish Inquision, all crew members are banned from changeling brothels.
| |
| | |
| 1388. Especially the warforged.
| |
| | |
| 1389. Do not ever ask me to explain the why behind the last two.
| |
| | |
| 1390. If you do I will hereby remove you from the ship. Over Xen'drick.
| |
| | |
| 1391. You are not Batman! And Jaela is DEFINITLY not Batgirl OR Catwoman.
| |
| | |
| 1392. Nor is she Birdgirl.
| |
| | |
| 1393. No, you may not have a living fireball as a familiar. Especially not on my ship!
| |
| | |
| 1394. Daelkyr do not look human "to save on the SFX".
| |
| | |
| 1395. Smashing a vase of flowers over their head is not a good tactic.
| |
| | |
| 1396. Imbuing artificer tools with sonic energy does not help them repair things.
| |
| | |
| 1397. Especially the screwdrivers.
| |
| | |
| 1398. Creatures from Xoriat look like terrifying monsters from a world of insanity, not men in dodgy rubber suits.
| |
| | |
| 1399: Nor do they walk menacingly towards us so painfully slowly that you can get away at a brisk pace.
| |
| | |
| 1400. The warforged cannot purchase a "stomach of holding".
| |
| | |
| 1401. Don't go near freaky-looking kids in the Mournlands.
| |
| | |
| 1402. Don't go near normal-looking kids in the Mournlands.
| |
| | |
| 1403. Especially ones asking if we've seen their mummy.
| |
| | |
| 1404. Or hair covering the front of their face.
| |
| | |
| 1405. Don't go near old folks in the Mournlands.
| |
| | |
| 1406. Don't go near solitary corpses in the Mournlands.
| |
| | |
| 1407. Look, just don't go into the Mournlands.
| |
| | |
| 1408. The warforged's animal companion is not a construct dog called K9.
| |
| | |
| 1409. Success is not measured in Vol-au-vents.
| |
| | |
| 1410. Even if the ambassador's party covers our food need for months.
| |
| | |
| 1411. There is a limit to how much weight the cleric can carry.
| |
| | |
| 1412. Ancient temples exceed this limit.
| |
| | |
| 1413. Especially if they were built by giants.
| |
| | |
| 1414. People in Sharn do not "just pee off the walkways".
| |
| | |
| 1415. This is not an explanation of why it's always raining there.
| |
| | |
| 1416. No warforged bard or aristocrat is allowed to be "fluent in more than six forms of communication".
| |
| | |
| 1417. You are not to plunge an airship filled with explosive powder with a +5 holy lance as its prow at full throttle into anything, ever.
| |
| | |
| 1418. Especially not King Kaius's royal suite.
| |
| | |
| 1419. Even if he is a Nazi.
| |
| | |
| 1420. No matter how much the big scary lizard men insist it is honorable for a great warrior, you will not eat the cooked body of the dead Shifter Silver Flame cleric after his death in a massive battle over land in Xen'drick.
| |
| | |
| 1421. Even if your drunken captain threatens to make you walk the plank if you don't.
| |
| | |
| 1422. Just because the Wizard wears a pointy hat does not mean he "knows this dude named Gandalf".
| |
| | |
| 1423. Or Belgarath.
| |
| | |
| 1424. Or Rincewind.
| |
| | |
| 1425. Or especially not Elminster.
| |
| | |
| 1426. The Warforged is not to flail his arms and shout "Danger! Danger!"
| |
| | |
| 1427. Even if there is danger.
| |
| | |
| 1428. When we meet the cleric of the Silver Flame, leave the pea soup on the ship. And stop hissing and cowering when you see his holy symbol.
| |
| | |
| 1429. It is never a good idea to throw your employer off a mountain.
| |
| | |
| 1430. Even if the job was more difficult than anticipated and kills many friends/co-adventurers.
| |
| | |
| 1431. Wilting celery is not an indication you are in a hazardous environment.
| |
| | |
| 1432. Okay, maybe it is, non-wilting celery does not mean the atmosphere is safe though.
| |
| | |
| 1433. The warforged may disregard the last two items.
| |
| | |
| 1434. Dragon hearts are not crystalline.
| |
| | |
| 1435. They are not required to power warforged titans.
| |
| | |
| 1436. Anyone even thinking about trying to prove or disprove this will be keelhauled.
| |
| | |
| 1437. Warforged titans are not battery powered.
| |
| | |
| 1438. Warforged titans can fight for more than five minutes.
| |
| | |
| 1439. Warforged titans are niether sentient nor piloted. They are only slightly smarter than golems.
| |
| | |
| 1440. Anyone disturbing warforged titans will be left behind.
| |
| | |
| 1441. The mark on the warforged brow cannot be removed.
| |
| | |
| 1442. Even if it could, it would not destroy it.
| |
| | |
| 1443. So stop threatening it with an erase spell.
| |
| | |
| 1444. Repeat after me. No one on this ship is Batman, not even the glidewing shifter.
| |
| | |
| 1445. Just because the dragons of Eberron on not the normal big treasure-holding monsters does not mean they won't eat you if you annoy them.
| |
| | |
| 1446. You are not a "Caped Crusader" if you happen to Crusade and wear a cape.
| |
| | |
| 1447. It is not a utility belt if you happen to carry a bunch of gadgets that are useful around your waist.
| |
| | |
| 1448. You are not the "Dark Knight" if you happen to wear black armor.
| |
| | |
| 1449. Giving the King's Citadel a Continual light spell before an image of the Ship is neither cool nor advisable. Even if it does make an interesting signal for our help.
| |
| | |
| 1450. A lightning couch spraypainted black and armed with weapons is not the Batmobile.
| |
| | |
| 1451. It is not funny or interesting if all of you had your parents gunned down in a filthy alley before your eyes to inspire this quest.
| |
| | |
| 1452. Kidnapping street orphans to train as sidekicks will likely get them killed.
| |
| | |
| 1453. It is a BOOM-erang.
| |
| | |
| 1454. Sharn's nickname is not "Gotham", even if it does have Gothic architecture.
| |
| | |
| 1455. It is neither nifty nor fun to build your mansion over a cave to hide your vast array of tricks and crime laboratories.
| |
| | |
| 1456. Marish is not to be referred to as Catwoman, even if she is a shifter thief.
| |
| | |
| 1457. Queen Aurala's portly brother is NOT the Penguin.
| |
| | |
| 1458. King Kaius may have a hot and sexy daughter and be out to purge the world but he is not Rais Al Ghul.
| |
| | |
| 1459. You cannot name the warforged Alfred and make him your butler.
| |
| | |
| 1460. It is wrong even if the warforged agrees.
| |
| | |
| 1461. King Boranal's brother who runs the Citadel is not "Comissioner Gordon".
| |
| | |
| 1462. Even if his daughter is a redhead and fights crime with us.
| |
| | |
| 1463. Making the sails like Batwings and painting the ship black does not make it the Batplane.
| |
| | |
| 1464. Frank Miller will not do the comic adaptation of our lives.
| |
| | |
| 1465. Sadly Keith Griffen will.
| |
| | |
| 1466. Locking up all of our crazy villains in an asylum we pay for and name Gotham STILL doesn't make you Batman.
| |
| | |
| 1467. Dressing up in a costume to attack muggers on rooftops randomly will not be the setup for them saying "What are you...".
| |
| | |
| 1468. No matter how many times you try it.
| |
| | |
| 1469. Do not encourage the wizard to cast illusions of balloons that say "Bomph", "Bamph", "SLAM" with every hit you make.
| |
| | |
| 1470. We will not get a dimensional portal to kill Joel Schumacher for ruining the story.
| |
| | |
| 1471. Scratch 1470, I'm willing to give you some leeway in this one.
| |
| | |
| 1472. Making riddles in the sky with the airship so we can pretend the villain left them is stupid, not adding mystique.
| |
| | |
| 1473. The Chain of Command is a system of determining authority, not the chain you use to beat your unwilling subordinates until they realise who's in ruttin' command.
| |
| | |
| 1474. No, the artificer cannot imbue your tooth brush with 'sonicare' energy.
| |
| | |
| 1475. The Hymn to Onatar is not "Amazing Wrench".
| |
| | |
| 1476. Nor is it "Hammer time".
| |
| | |
| 1477. Singing or dancing to either tune will get you flogged.
| |
| | |
| 1478. Especially dancing to either tune.
| |
| | |
| 1479. The proper way to ask for healing is not "YO, cleric! Beer me!"
| |
| | |
| 1480. Khyber does not take the form of David Bowie.
| |
| | |
| 1481. All of Eberron would unite to slay him if he did.
| |
| | |
| 1482. Knowing all the cold-based spells in existence does NOT make you Mr. Freeze.
| |
| | |
| 1483. YOU ARE STILL NOT BATMAN!!
| |
| | |
| 1484. You also weigh a little more than 108.
| |
| | |
| 1485. The Mockery is not also known as 'the Joker'.
| |
| | |
| 1486. You are not allowed to stack a Deck of Many Things.
| |
| | |
| 1487. The warforged is NOT to be lubed with molasses.
| |
| | |
| 1488. Even if it does make him move faster.
| |
| | |
| 1489. Having parts left over when you fix the warforged is probably a bad thing.
| |
| | |
| 1490. The airship does not have afterburners.
| |
| | |
| 1491. You are not allowed to air-bomb the Eldeen Reaches with catnip to "chill out the shifters".
| |
| | |
| 1492. Maximized, Heightened, Empowered Rays of Frost are just plain stupid.
| |
| | |
| 1493. New crew members are not nOObs.
| |
| | |
| 1494. The paladin chick will not 'loosen up after a few beers'.
| |
| | |
| 1495. The bard is not a member in good standing of the Fraternity Tappa Kegga Brew.
| |
| | |
| 1496. So stop asking him to tappa kegga brew.
| |
| | |
| 1497. We don't have a wine cellar.
| |
| | |
| 1498. We don't have a 5-star galley, either.
| |
| | |
| 1499. The Mror Holds is not the location of the Mines of Mroria.
| |
| | |
| 1500. Orcs and goblins are two separate critters.
| |
| | |
| 1501. But they are not as pathetic as Kobolds.
| |
| | |
| 1502. It's pronounced 'Eye-gore'.
| |
| | |
| 1503. It isn't Frooderick Frankunsteen. It's Frederick.
| |
| | |
| 1504. Nazareth's "Hair of the dog" is not your theme song.
| |
| | |
| 1505. Unless you are the Lord of Blades.
| |
| | |
| 1506. Despite what you may have heard, 42 IS the Ultimate Answer.
| |
| | |
| 1507. The captain's brain does not run on citrus fruit.
| |
| | |
| 1508. Despite what you may have heard, the name of the ship's crew is not 'Certain Death'.
| |
| | |
| 1509. Spam isn't a weapon of mass destruction.
| |
| | |
| 1510. I should not tell the warforged this.
| |
| | |
| 1511. Your seat cushion does not double as a flotation device.
| |
| | |
| 1512. Neither does the gnome.
| |
| | |
| 1513. I don't care how old yer halfling is, he isn't wearing depends of holding!
| |
| | |
| 1514. And no the artificer can't make him any!
| |
| | |
| 1515. And no one at any time, anywhere, drink the warm frothy beer on the table in front of said halfling... it's not beer!
| |
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| ----
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