Forgotten Freedom:Rules Alt-Jarlots came up with while they were in charge of the ship

BatJarlot's Rules starting at 0

0000) I am the Night, I am the Captain....not the other guy.

• 0001) Kanatash is now forced to wear a purple suit with a large flower and white makeup. He also must ridiculously giggle.
• 0002) Savor must now wear a Scarecrow outfit.
• 0003) Terra is to dress in leaves and be an eco-terro....well she doesn't need much changing.
• 0004) Slip will now wear a little yellow outfit with an "R" on it.
• 0005) You can proceed to contact me via the searchlight to the side of my cabin.
• 0006) Or the Red Telephone.
• 0007) Marish doesn't need changing but must carry a whip now.
• 0008) NOT FOR THAT REASON...
• 0009) Well maybe actually.
• 0010) Andrea must talk about her evil world conquering father while dressing in a catsuit and calling me "Beloved."
• 0011) Doog must scale up and call himself 'Croc'
• 0012) Lisa shall be one of the few to get her own Bat costume.
• 0013) Igor will train with Henry Higgins to get an English accent.
• 0014) To help maintain my secret identity as a billionaire, I am confiscating everyone else's shares.
• 0015) Stupid will be dressed in a Mexican wrestler's mask and called Bane.
• 0016) Despite temptations, we will NOT throw a bottle of battery acid in Michael's face to make him Two Face.
• 0017) Ketler can STOP wearing his question mark covered outfit, we get who he wants to be.
• 0018) Keel Hauling will be replaced by a sound thrashing and Jarlotarangs.
• 0019) You shall not interrupt the Captain when he broods.
• 0020) You shall not point out that both my parents are still alive and not gunned down in a filthy alley.
• 0021) You will not mention Superjarlot and how he could kick my ass.
• 0022) Aerith will be referred to as "Vicky Vale" my lovable photographer girlfriend.
• 0023) Tifa will be referred to as "Lady Shiva", mistress of martial arts...also a girlfriend.
• 0024) Why? Becase I'm a billionaire and a superhero.
• 0025) You shall promptly add "Bat" to every device's name onboard the ship. This is now the BatForgotten Freedom.
• 0026) I am designating the Hold I dump you scurvy rats into when you misbehave as "Arkham"
• 0027) Arkham is doubly funny because I've imprisoned Coolcthulthu
• 0028) Yes, I'm Batman.
• 0029) My quarters shall now be referred to as 'The Jarlot cave.'
• 0030) I'm Batman.
• 0031) I did indeed study to be the best at Everything....
• 0032) Yes, this includes Dance Dance Revolution.
• 0033) I'm Batman.
• 0034) All my entrances will be accompanied by huge sweeping scores or at the very least a nah nah nah nah nah sound.
• 0035) I'm Batman.
• 0036) You are forbidden to shout "WE KNOW" everytime I do that.

Chuck Jarlot's rules starting at 0

0000) I am Chuck Norris.

• 0001) Roundhouse Kicks must always strike someone in the face.
• 0002) Also Roundhouse Kicks are automatically critical hits.
• 0003) That deal triple damage.
• 0004) Make that quadruple damage.
• 0005) Screw it, just make it quintuple damage.
• 0006) Save vs Massive damage are always required against roundhouse kicks.
• 0007) Actually saves vs massive damaged are required whenever I hit you.
• 0008) No, it doens't matter how hard I hit you.
• 0009) I am Chuck Norris.
• 0010) From this point forward any keelhauling offense is now punished with a round house kick.
• 0011) ...to the face.
• 0012) My tears can cure any illness.
• 0013) Too bad I never cry.
• 0014) From this point forward we do not read books.
• 0015) We stare them down until they tell us everything they know.
• 0016) For this reason it is not advisable to look too closely at any of Volrath's books.
• 0017) I do not sleep.
• 0018) I wait.
• 0019) There are no longer any pirates or ninjas on this ship.
• 0020) Only cowboys.
• 0021) Remember, if you can see me, I can see you.
• 0022) If you can't see me you may be only seconds from death.
• 0023) I eat Norbaz's chille to cure heartburn.
• 0024) I have never blinked in my live.
• 0025) Never.
• 0026) I invented water.
• 0027) I have two speeds, Walk and Kill.
• 0028) I am Chuck Norris.
• 0029) There is no chin under my beard.
• 0030) Just another fist.