1001 things Mr. Raymond can't do when he GMs
1001 things Mr. Raymond can't do when he GMs
1. I will not kill the same player's PC every game, even if that player is my kid brother.
2. I am not allowed to use mutliple 4 or 5-skull traps from Grimtooth's sourcebooks.
3. I will not use the same trap on every door until someone figures out how to bypass it, and then promptly change it to my next favorite on every subsequent door, ad inifinitum.
4. I will not kill a PC's entire supporting cast in the first game.
5. If I read room descriptions from an adventure module, I will make sure I can pronounce words in the language that module uses.
6. I cannot use segues like "You get to the castle. During the night, Eric's character tried to rape the princess so now the entire army is after you."
7. If I am willing to cause a Total Party Kill, I will be ready to go all the way and not suddenly call it all an illusion. If not, then I will not cause said TPK.
8. The Monster Manual is not looking for me to submit a creature called "DM's Discretion".
9. Narrativism does not mean that I will narrate a story and the players will sit quietly and listen to it.
10. The cops/army/palace guards aren't automatically hostile to every PC they meet.
11. Items are not worth less gold because PCs touched them.
12. I do not need to detail every room and floor of a building the PC's are not allowed into, especially if there is no reason for the PC's to go into it.
13. If I put a new location on the map, it should be somehow relevant to the game.
14. If I don't know what the difficulty is, it is not automatically "You fail".
15. I shall not just keep throwing stronger enemies at their characters until they die.
16. My NPC's shall not be more interesting or have more complicated day-to-day lives than my PC's.
17. If I botch a roll, there is no excuse for going back and saying "Oops, your character should have died three encounters ago. You're dead."
18. I shall not ever pick up a paperback novel and read aloud directly from it during a game session.
19. May no longer assign NPCs to the party based on Vampire Hunter D or Captain Jack Sparrow.
20. Especially if they're the party cleric.
21. Blitzball does not exist in Creation.
22. Nothing Records does not have its own personal squadron of F/A-18s.
23. And even if it did, the PCs are not allowed to call them in for airstrikes.
24. May no longer send party against monsters whose Challenge Rating is higher than all the PC's character levels combined.
25. The Wyld Hunt does not consist entirely of Dragonblooded sworn brotherhoods in color-coded warstriders.
26. Neither do the Imperial Legions.
27. And even if they did, the warstriders do not resemble giant robot dinosaurs.
28. "Nuke the site from orbit" is not a viable means of defending a corporate research facility from shadowrunners.
29. Descriptions of the BBEG's minions may no longer include the words "invincible," "katana-wielding," "scantily-clad," "explosive," or "hamster."
30. Especially not all at once.
31. Eliminster is not an acceptable NPC in any setting. Neither is Raistlin, Drizzit, or any other character from any D&D novel. This is especially true if it's a GURPS campaign.
32. The annoying ultra-powerful NPC that comes in to save the day is no longer allowed to be based on one of the players at the table, and have the same name, wear the same clothes, and look exactly the same.
33. Switching games in the middle of the session, without telling the players, is right out.
34. My Abyssal Deathknight antagonist isn't allowed to be named Still the Prettiest.
35. The Shadowrun Coffeeshop campaign was not a good idea.
36. Neither was the Rokea/Moloke crossover oWoD campaign called "Tastes like Chicken."
37. Cthulhu never surfs.
38. No door should be placed directly in front of an about-to-fire minigun
39. I will not allow a "3rd level Bishi" in my D&D game without unanimous player support.
40. I will not center and adventure on the value of Pi.
41. It is irrelevant which way the characters turn the key in the door.
42. "Localised Earthquakes" are not plausible ways to remove the effects of the Leadership feat.
43. I cannot declare a character dead because they fail to find a trap.
44. In the event of the above, I cannot claim the afflicted player does not exist.
45. In the event of the above two occuring, I will at least call in ont he player and check they are alive and mentally sound.
46. Convenience store clerks do not carry flamethrowers for defending themselves against robbers.
47. May not allow a game to descend to the point where convenience store clerks have to carry flamethrowers to protect themselves from the PCs.
48. May not say to players, "This is a d20 game, but we're going to be using a clix game from WizKids for combat."
49. Particularly if that game is Mage Knight.
50. I will not wait for a player to ask if a monster is in the room before telling him that there is.
