Editing And Why the Sea is Boiling Hot

The knock on the door was faint, and it would likely have not woken most, but Harry was a light sleeper. Shoving herself out of bed, she pulled the door open and wasn't terribly surprised to find Nika standing there. This conversation had been brewing for days.

"It's early, Xiao Mei."

"It's 0421," Nika replied automatically without checking. "You'd have been up in less than half an hour anyway. Workout?"

Harry debated and then shrugged. "Talk first, workout after," she decided. "I'll meet you outside." She closed her door without bothering to wait for an acknowledgment.

Five minutes later, both women were outside, the pre-dawn sky just turning a pearly gray on the horizon as they walked.

"I owe you an apology," Nika says without preamble.

Harry was silent for a long time. When the older woman finally turned to the younger, her response shocked Nika speechless. 

"Are you telling me now because you only just realized an apology was warranted?" Harry demanded quietly. "You better hope so, because the alternative would mean you were too cowardly to come home and face the truth. And you know what the truth was? No? I'll tell you -- Shyla driven damn near mad with worry whenever we got near your corner of space, hoping that this time your call would be the one telling us you were coming home. Brian driving us ALL mad for <i>weeks</i> after he got back from yet another fling with you dirtside, roaring and snarling at everyone because you'd gone again. Do you know what it's like to know you've got a wayward daughter flitting irresponsibly around the Verse in need of guidance but too gorram pigheaded to accept it from the people who love her most?" By the end of this diatribe, Harry was flushed and outraged though she never raised her voice above the usual volume.

Nika had never seen Harry in a full-blown snit, not in nearly a decade of flying with the woman, and the accusations hurled at her -- primarily the one of irresponsibility -- hit her like a body blow. It was the Chinese equivalent of being accused of being an ungrateful brat throwing a tantrum about not getting candy when the rest of the family was starving to death.

Was she? Had she really been so careless, so cruel? She hadn't thought so at the time. She'd thought she was doing the right thing. But Harry -- Harry, who never raised her voice, who always chose her words with economy and care -- was raging at her.

The enormity of what she'd unintentionally done to her family staggered her and Nika wondered if she could ever heal that wound. Her stricken expression, the instant acknowledgment of her own culpability, was apparently the response Harry wanted because the tiny woman reined in her tongue.

"Is this what you're apologizing for, Xiao Mei?" she asked more gently. "Because if it is, you were forgiven a long time ago." She would not leave the young woman twisting herself in knots, but she'd wanted to be sure she had Nika's full attention.

Dropping her gaze from Harry's face, Nika looked at the ground between them to hide the tears filling her blue eyes. The lump lodged in her throat was strangling her and all she could force past it was a whisper. "I'm sorry, Harry." So woefully inadequate in light of her new perspective.

"You had much pain to work through, Nika," Harry replied in her gentle voice. "For Shyla or me to defend our departure from Boros, we would have had believe it was the right thing to do when in hindsight all evidence was clearly to the contrary. For a long time -- months -- your gut-level response to us was rage, and I can't say you were wrong to be angry. But we never abandoned you. If anything, it has been the other way around. And it perhaps cut deeper because you forgave Brian long before you forgave us."

Nika looked up. "I //never// meant to hurt any of you," she choked on a sob.

"This we know," Harry murmured softly, moving forward to wrap a strong arm around Nika's waist. "It was never really about us at all. You were punishing yourself not just for what happened but for not being there. And that is why we have only ever given you the space you needed to work through it. It's about time, Xiao Mei."

Slipping her arms around Harry's shoulders, Nika held on tightly and cried. It seemed like forever to her, though in truth only a few minutes passed before she pulled away and wiped her face with her hands. "I messed up," she admitted sadly, wiping her hands on her pants. "And now... I don't know what to do, Harry."

Harry pulled out a handkerchief and proffered it, shaking her head. "You do as you've always done -- go where the path leads you." She smiled. "No matter where you go, no matter who you fly with, you are still ours."

Taking Harry's square of cloth with a grateful expression, Nika mopped her face again. Chagrin darkened her eyes. "Thanks, Harry," she murmured softly. Somehow, her apologies didn't seem enough. She would have to live with the knowledge that she'd hurt the people she cared about most. As always, live and learn.

"Now... about that workout," Harry said with a sly grin.