Editing Character Vignettes

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A pair of round, luminous eyes opened, a good seven feet off the ground, and the creature, gaping fangs shining, stepped out into the dim light. It was broad-shouldered and muscular, a smooth slate grey in color. It had no hair or ears, a projecting snout, and long claws on its three-fingered hands and three-toed feet. It laughed again, malevolently, and reached for the girls.
 
A pair of round, luminous eyes opened, a good seven feet off the ground, and the creature, gaping fangs shining, stepped out into the dim light. It was broad-shouldered and muscular, a smooth slate grey in color. It had no hair or ears, a projecting snout, and long claws on its three-fingered hands and three-toed feet. It laughed again, malevolently, and reached for the girls.
  
Judy stared in shock, a scream frozen in her throat, but Hana was already in motion, whipping the scarf she always wore out in a deadly arc-- the sash weight sewn into it made it a dangerous weapon.
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Judy stared in shock, a scream frozen in her throat, but Hana was already in motion, whipping the scarf she always wore out in a deadly arc-- the sash weight she'd sewn into it made it a dangerous weapon.
  
 
The creature was clearly surprised by Hana's attack, but unhurt, and it backhanded her with a blow that sent her reeling backwards. Hana's head was spinning-- she could hear Judy calling her name, but she seemed distant. The creature was extending a clawed hand towards her friend...
 
The creature was clearly surprised by Hana's attack, but unhurt, and it backhanded her with a blow that sent her reeling backwards. Hana's head was spinning-- she could hear Judy calling her name, but she seemed distant. The creature was extending a clawed hand towards her friend...

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