Editing Connection

<span style="color:#800000">''' ''(There are no words sufficient to the task, Andy.  But thank you.--Maer)'' '''</span>
<br><br> 



'''Tuesday, 05 Nov 2520'''<br>
'''Kuiper II class, Summer’s Gift'''<br>
'''En route to New Canaan'''<br>
'''Blue Sun (Qing Long) system'''<br>
'''1430 hrs, ship’s time'''


Once we were well our way I felt it safe enough to leave the engine room for the passenger lounge, there to sit on the couch with the paperwork I’d let slide over the past week.  It was quiet in the lounge, none of the crew or passengers were in it save me and Joshua.  I had my papers and Joshua was puttering around in the galley—the first place he’d gone upon waking.  I could hear an occasional Russian curse and stuff being moved around in there, but I kept to the couch.  If he had to straighten things up after Jackson’s attempts to cook, I figured it best not to interfere.  Jackson wasn’t too considerate in his use of the galley and I confess that as a crew we weren’t much better. Joshua took to the galley the way I took to the engine room to cope with stress and in terms of stress, I knew Joshua’s had to be high. <br> 

At least he no longer had to worry about causing any detrimental changes to Melvin Jackson’s life.  That job was over and Melvin was free to take up the reins of running the mine.  To that end, Arden had already rearranged Jackson’s face back to Joshua’s, albeit with a few minor adjustments, and it was a little startling to see the familiar overlaid with the unfamiliar and after the procedure I was hard put not to stare….But the changes deserved a long look. Eye sockets, cheekbones, nose—all were no longer Jackson’s, but neither were they entirely Joshua Drake’s.  Moreover, the sight of the livid bruises from the procedure still had the power to make me wince.  Joshua insisted that it was only a temporary inconvenience and I had to wonder how many times he’d had to say that in the past. <br> 

There was no telling.  Joshua told me that after all his previous jobs, he’d been sequestered with his handlers to guide him through the post-op transition.  After the Highgate job, he had no handlers or debriefing, no cocoon in which to shed his old skin and emerge metamorphosed into his new one.  All he had this time around were a small but dedicated crew and whatever meager privacy a seven-by-seven-foot cabin could give him.<br>

Studying him as he turned his attentions from the galley to the lounge, I reckoned that he seemed to be adjusting well despite the lack of proper personnel and facilities, and the thought made me glad.  The less Joshua dealt with Blue Sun Corp, the better and not for the first time I wondered just how they’d acquired Joshua in the first place.  Had he volunteered for the position?  Had he been recruited?  Had he, like Companion Trainees, been given over at a young age by his parents?<br>

Again, there was no telling.  At least not until he regained the memories he’d lost.  We had just one clue concerning his past, a place on the charts called Rubicon.  It looked to hold the answers to some pretty significant questions as to his true identity and at the moment we were heading away from it. <br>

Which thought reminded me of another significant question we couldn’t run away from: the matter of our developing relationship.  I watched Joshua make a circuit of the lounge, picking up this and that, straightening and stowing, and tried to think of something to say.<br>

“How long before we make it to Meridian?”  It was lame, lame as they come, but the opening gambit did make Joshua pause and carry the conversation forward.<br>

“Five days total,” I heard him say. “We're making several stops...It's all in the cargo report, Rina."<br>

"Fine." I checked my clipboard. The report was the third sheet down from the top. ''You idiot''. "So I forgot.  It's not like I don't have a metric crap-ton of details to keep track of already."<br>

I tried for an irritated tone but my heart wasn't in it. It was hard to maintain in the face of Joshua's earnestness...and the grin lurking beneath his words told me he was yanking my chain. I reached for my coffee and found it cold. I drank it anyway and rose to grab a refill from the galley.<br>

"Do you think the swelling will go down before we kiss dirt?" I asked, eyeing the bruising on his face.<br>

***<br>

Joshua shrugged. "Some, but not all, I wouldn't think. It took a couple days last time, and we should be in New Canaan in a day. Not very long at all." He made a general motion in the direction of his face. "So, do you think the changes are enough, or should I grow a beard?" He had requested Arden make some subtle changes to cheekbones, jawline, eye structure and he honestly wasn't sure if it made a big enough difference in the way he looked.<br>

***<br>

I stopped and studied him a moment, picturing him with a beard, and nodded.<br>

"I think that would look nice, especially if the line of it was thin. Bushy wouldn't do a thing for you. Too coarse." I held up my mug. "Coffee? I'm buying."<br>

***<br>

"Sure. I'll get you a fresh cup." Joshua reached out, plucked the cup out of Rina's hand, and headed into the galley in one smooth motion. Without even turning around to see the look she was probably giving him, he said, "I need to make a fresh pot anyway. I'll need all the practice in the galley that I can get. I'm supposed to be cooking for a professional chef tonight and I'm still working my way back."<br>

***<br>

I strode right in after him and when he'd gained the coffee maker I bracketed him from behind and grabbed my cup back.<br>

"I can get my own damned coffee, you." I growled. "You're not my servant, Joshua."<br>

Which, had I given myself a moment to think first, I would not have done quite that way. Just as he'd surprised me during our first cooking lesson, our positions were now reversed and I pulled back to spare him any further discomfort. I was still trying to find my footing with him in the wake of Jackson’s retreat and I hadn't a doubt Joshua was wrestling with the same issues. I didn't want to add to them.<br>

"Sorry," I said, retreating to the opposite counter, a matter of three steps back. "Touched a nerve."<br>

***<br>

"Technically, I ''am'' here to serve everyone on this crew." He smiled slightly and then said playfully, "Some more than others." Rina memories and feelings had been one of the first things to be put back.<br>

And he held out his hand. "I'll be happy to make you a cup, you know."<br>

***<br>

I gave him the mug and watched as he started on the fresh pot.  I could still feel the warmth of him against my shirt and breathing deeply I admitted to myself that while his face had been altered to make him ''look'' sufficiently different from the man he’d been prior to Highgate, the man who had flirted with me in the galley, shared confidences in private, sparred with me on the mats…''he'' was still here and tugging at my emotions as before.<br>

''It’s been only a day.  Give it time.  Don’t crowd him.''<br>

So I leaned back against the counter, crossed my arms, and waited.<br>

***<br>

As he waited for the coffeemaker to finish its work, he turned to Rina and said, "You know something odd? Jackson didn't miss you, obviously. What reason would he have had? But now that I'm back, I feel like I've missed you the entire time." He reached forward and touched her hand. "Thank you for understanding, even as Jackson must have been pissing you off."<br>

***<br>

There wasn’t anything I could say to that.  Nothing that wouldn’t have me ruining the moment.  So I squeezed his hand and nodded, not quite able to look at him, feeling unsure of the current between us and undesirous of taking undue advantage.<br>

But I was tempted.<br>

***<br>

The coffeepot made its low guttural buzzing noise, indicating the coffee was done. He pulled the pot out and filled Rina's mug. As he handed it to her, he said, "Do you mind that I changed my face? I needed to do something so I wasn't using someone else's face anymore. But honestly, I almost didn't do it because I was afraid you wouldn't like the result."<br>

***<br>

I heard the death rattle heralding a new pot and looked up.  Joshua moved around the galley like he belonged there, as if in homecoming, and perhaps for the first time in a very long while, he’d found a home to return to.  I fleetingly wondered if I had a place in it and when I heard his question, I had my answer.<br>

“Mind?  No.”  I took the cup he handed me and blew on the coffee to cool it, watching the ripples rebounding to make new patterns of interference. Not unlike the effect his altered face had on me, actually. “But I won’t lie to you. I’m still adjusting to it.” <br>

I sipped my coffee and closed my eyes, and tipping my face to the ceiling, I spoke to it.<br>

“I hear your voice and picture you standing there but when I look at you, what I see doesn’t match my mental image and it throws me.  But it’s fading.  Don’t worry about me. I’ll be all right.”  I opened my eyes and met his gaze.  “How are you doing with it?”<br>

***<br>

He shrugged. "I don't know, honestly. I had spent more continuous time with the old face than I had any face in years. I had gotten used to it. But it wasn't mine to get used to. And it wasn't safe." And damn if he was going to let emotional attachment to a face put the crew in harm's way.<br>

"I think if I grow a beard, it'll be different enough for me to adjust. It's so close to the old one that I can't quite detach from it." As he looked at her, her presence so close to him, he suddenly had an intense urge to grab hold of her waist, pull her to him and kiss her. But he couldn't tell whether she was still seeing Jackson in him. So many unconscious mannerisms he hadn't gotten under control yet. And he didn't want to spook her.<br>

***<br>

And just for a second, I thought he would touch me and my insides warmed with anticipation.  I set my mug aside to clear the way and looked at him, too chicken to make the first move.  I wanted him but if anything happened, it would have to be up to him.<br>


***<br>

Someone else might have missed the emotions that flashed across Rina's face, even if they had been looking straight at her, like Joshua had. But nobody observed people like he did. And he knew her. So the unspoken desire that crossed her face ever so briefly might as well have been a shout across the 'Verse. He stepped forward, took her in his arms, and gave her a long, hungry kiss. And as the kiss seemed to stretch on and on, he let it pull her into him, absorbing a missing memory he desperately needed to get back. As he finally broke loose, he looked into her eyes and quietly said, "I missed you in a place I couldn't pack away."<br>

***<br>

I didn’t know what to say to that either and let my body do the talking.  I cradled his face in my hands and drew him down to me again.  He was warm and male and more than willing and my fear of trespassing flat-out disappeared.  Blood and body fully engaged and brain fully on hold, I kicked against the cabinet to plant myself on the counter and hooked my legs around his waist.<br>

***<br>

As he had her pressed up tight against him, his tongue slipped between her lips and his hands roved over her body, caressing curves through the coveralls, frustrated with the fabric and moving fast...too fast, really. His heart was on an out-of-control beat and so were his emotions. He wasn't sure he cared. <br>

He started feeling a way to loosen the coveralls without taking his eyes away from her face. But when a hand slipped and he knocked over a loose spice jar, Joshua suddenly came up for air. "Rina, if we don't stop, we're going to end up on the floor here on the galley, and likely with an audience." He swallowed hard. "And I'm not ashamed to admit that if we don't stop now, I'm not sure I'd care."<br>

***<br>

“I’d say the odds are good for an audience,” I murmured against his neck, my lips hungry for his skin, my hands clutching him under his shirt.  “If we haven’t snagged one already.”<br>

With one last kiss I reluctantly let him go and slid off the counter, lightheaded and none too steady on my feet.  I started buttoning up his shirt, it being a way to maintain contact while putting things to rights, and came up short a few.  <br>

''Huh.  I must have ripped them off...''<br>

“Um…,” I said, trying vainly to refasten his shirt despite the lack, clearly not quite up to thinking just yet. <br>

***<br>

"I think I'm going to have to sew that." He looked down at Rina's attempt to button his shirt, a little confused. He didn't clearly remember her '''unbuttoning''' it in the first place. On the other hand, the last couple of minutes were a big general blur of hands and lips and lust, so the lack of buttons was maybe not so confusing.<br>

He put his finger under her chin, and tilted her head up so he could look into her dark amber eyes. "I didn't know it could be like this, you know."<br>

***<br>

“It’s…yeah.”  For reasons known only to the Universe, I was the more experienced of us two and that wasn’t exactly saying much. My relationship with Mike might have had its ups and downs, but beneath it all was a steady bond that kept us together and the physical expression of it, though intense, was comforting and familiar. This…thing between me and Joshua?  God alone knew what it was.  I only knew that I wanted more, to bring it to its ultimate conclusion and to share with Joshua the most profound thing I could give him—the most human connection possible in a life that had been kept from making any. <br>

''Admit it, your motives aren’t entirely altruistic, either'', the part of me that still managed to function whispered.  And still I didn’t pull back from his finger, but leaned into him for that last lingering contact.  Aloud I said, “Heady stuff.  Be careful with it.”<br>

***<br>

He shook his head softly as he took his finger away. "It'll burn me alive if I'm not."<br>

He forced himself to step back from her. "I hope you have some sort of plan...because at the rate we're going, we're going to end up naked in the engine room when Nika walks in to see how repairs are going, adding new meaning to the phrase, 'Salute the captain'." When he chuckled, he could still hear the deep tones of lust echoing in his laughter. ''It really '''would''' burn him up.''<br>

***<br>

I looked through the galley doorway and saw the coast was clear.  I zipped my coveralls to my breastbone and shook the legs to settle them.  My pocket tools rattled and reminded me of things that needed doing, things that didn’t involve necking like a couple of groinal teenagers on the hood of a car.  My brain settled along with my heart rate and I started thinking rationally again.<br>

“We’ve got at least 12 hours before we kiss dirt.  I go off the clock in two.  Mine or yours?” Having made up my mind, I saw no reason to be shy. <br> 

***<br>

"Yours." He said it without hesitation. Besides the fact that his room was basically an empty shell, he didn't want her accidentally stumbling on to her Christmas present. "Although dinner is in three, and they tell me that my job includes cooking." He said it with a deadpan voice, but his smirk gave him away.<br>

***<br>

“Mine,” I confirmed and bowed to practicality. “Wait a bit after dinner.  I know Nika’s not a stickler about frat-regs, but we’ve got passengers aboard.  We’ll have to be discreet.”  I raked my fingers through my hair, combing it more or less back in place. “More discreet than we just were, definitely.”<br>

I looked up at him, his face no longer a source of dissonance.  My body understood perfectly well who I was dealing with and my head followed suit. “2100. That should be late enough to avoid any passengers.”<br>

I resolutely turned around and left on that comment.  I had a lot to do before my two hours were up and I wanted to have the balance of the evening free from the mental nagging that came of tasks left undone.<br>

''As for what happens next?  Please God don’t let me screw this up.'' <br>






<span style="color:#800000">'''''Since this season turned out to be RP heavy, it's only fair to include the link to everyone's efforts.'''''</span><br>

<span style="color:#800000">''' ''(Fair warning! There's sex ahead in Part 2, a hard R rating. Proceed at your own risk.--Maer)'' '''</span>

'''Go back to''' [[Before and After|'''''Before and After''''']] | '''Go to''' '''''[[Connection, Part 2| Part 2]]''''' | '''Skip to''' '''''[[Interrupted]]'''''.<br>
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