Kobolds! Kobolds! Kobolds

Introduction

Are you tired of PbP campaigns where you have to spend hours building your character? Where getting magic swords and powerful artefacts is barely remarkable? Where death is an inconvenience, dragons merely a challenge, and the gods themselves reliable friends and confidantes?

Probably not. But why not give this a shot? Why not play a Kobold?

What’s a Kobold? Well, they kind of resemble dogs, and they kind of resemble lizards, but they also resemble goblins. They’re short humanoids, with large pointed heads, wobbly ears, and very small brains. Unlike goblins, they aren’t good with mechanisms (beyond very simple ones). Unlike humans, they aren’t multitalented and quick-witted. Unlike orcs, they aren’t strong (at all), or good at fighting. In fact, it’s generally agreed that Kobolds are absolutely rubbish at everything.

Most kobolds live in caves, abandoned keeps, or the upper levels of dungeons. They lack the ability to construct stone buildings, preferring shoddy wooden construction and dirt. Nobody knows if Kobolds worship deities, and, quite frankly, nobody cares. Nobody’s ever bothered translating their language (beyond a few simple phrases such as “Run away or I will kill you!” or “Do you have anything valuable?”) Adventuring parties, marauding raiders, or angry natural creatures often slaughter kobolds without hesitation or effort.

Kobolds are inquisitive, but not wise. They’re brave, but not skilled. They’re numerous, but fundamentally worthless. Want to play a Kobold anyway?

Setting and mission prep is collaborative. Feel free to make stuff up.

GM

• Dies Irae

Player Characters

• Flash (Who Thinks Cunning Thoughts and Smokes), played by Turfster
• The Mighty Grib! (Who Can Do Magic!), played by KreenWarrior
• Gorfim Pa-la-Deen Head (Who Prays Hard and Doesn't Afraid of Anything), played by Feste
• Onric (Him Strong!), played by Silent Wayfarer
• Mr. Glubbs (Tamer of Kitten), played by Megazver
• Pointy Churr (Who Shoots Bows Or Something), played by Unka Josh

Rules

Kobolds have five Stats

Brains: Brawn: Wriggliness: Boldness: Charm:

You may allocate 9 points between the stats. No stat may be higher than 4.

0: Utterly pathetic 1: Almost as pathetic, actually. 2: Barely competent 3: Reasonable 4: Incredible!

Kobolds also have a whole bunch of Regular Skills. Here are a few examples:

• Cooking Stuff (Brains)
• Running Away (Wrig.)
• Not Running Away (Boldness)
• Dodging (Wrig.)
• Punching (Brawn)
• Speaking Human (Brains)
• Lying (Charm)
• etc, etc.

Kobolds have 15 points to distribute in their Regular Skills. Each Regular Skill has a corresponding Stat. You must have at least 1 point in a skill to use it. Feel free to make up skills.

Kobolds can also have Elite Skills. You only get one of these, so choose wisely. You don't have to spend points on these. Elite skills also come with useful items and gear. Here are a few examples.

• Praying Really Hard: You pray to a god of your choice (make one up, along with rituals and so-on). Sometimes, something useful happens.
• Magic! You can do magic! Really! You swear it’ll work this time!
• Using a Sword: You know which end of the sword is point, and how to use it.
• Using a Shortbow and Arrows: After some trial and error, you’ve discovered which end of the arrow points towards the target.
• Doing Fiddly Things: Picking locks, picking noses, making things like ladders, etc.
• Training Animals: You can train some of the many animals that respect kobolds, such as small frogs, rats, or very lazy kittens
• Something Else You Made Up: Pending GM approval.

Game Threads

• In-character
• Out-of-character
• Recruiting