Editing Of Cabbages and Kings

Sitting with her eyes closed and her face turned up to the sunlight, Nika rested against the sun-warmed metal of the Gift with a bottle of water. Despite the mid-October date, daytimes were still pretty warm and the inside of the ship was still ridiculously hot. Life support was on, but only minimally—enough to keep the inside from being like an oven, but not enough to cool it all the way down. Wiping at the sweat on her face, Nika opened the water and drank deeply.

“It’s coming along,” came Shyla’s voice as she climbed down from the ship behind Nika. “I think that’ll finish up the navigational console’s problems. We’ll have to power it up to run a system check, but Rina’ll want to check it first anyway. May as well leave her something to do,” the redhead quipped mildly. Sliding down next to her former pilot, Shyla filched Nika’s bottle of water right out of the blonde’s hand and took a deep swallow.

“It’s not coming along fast enough,” Nika replied quietly without opening her eyes, unconcerned about sharing the water.

“Can’t rush it. You’re damn lucky you even have a ship, girl.”

Nika grinned. “I can land anything,” she boasted, then turned her face toward Shyla without lifting her head from the metal. “Am I ever going to outgrow that?”

“Nope,” Shyla replied with a grin.

There was a good-natured grunt from Nika, but she said little else.

Shyla took another swallow of the water and handed it back. The two women sat companionably for a time, sharing the bottle of water, and finally Shyla spoke. “You ever going to tell me what the hell you were thinking?”

Nika’s blue eyes flew open and she shot a startled look sideways to her former captain.

“Did you think I’d just forget, Nika?” Shyla asked drily. “Or did you think I was just going to let it slide that you basically ran away from home and pretended like it was no big thing?”

Swallowing hard, Nika replied cautiously, “Guess I just figured it was water under the bridge.”

Shyla pursed her lips. “Mostly it is.” She looked at the younger woman and said quietly, “But I think I deserve an explanation that comes from the horse’s mouth. You let Brian cover your behind when you ran, girl, but it’s time to own up.”

When Nika remained silent, Shyla sighed. “Let me tell you what I already know, then. I know that Trey Johannsen put his hands on your sister, probably for the first time just before we got there. And I know after we left it sparked a brawl that ended with him dead and you in jail.” She leaned her head back against the side of the ship. “I know that a judge deemed it justifiable homicide and you were released.” There was a long moment of silence. “I know that you were friends most of your life and that he tried to rape you,” she said quietly. “And I gave you space and let you get away with that sorry excuse for a note for this long because I figured when you came home again, we’d have it out.” Then she looked at her former pilot. “But it’s been four <i>years</i>, Nika. I didn’t expect it to take <i>that</i> long.”

The silence again stretched between them, long enough that Shyla nearly gave up. She was gathering herself to stand when Nika finally began to talk. Her voice had a tight edge to it. “My sister got married and I wasn’t even there, Shyla. Hadn’t been home in two years before that. My father died, and I didn’t find out about it until the Wave caught us. He was already buried when I got home.” The pain in that statement is still brutally clear even now. “Then while I was still trying to figure out how to deal with that, I walked in on that bastard hitting my very pregnant sister!”

Remembered rage burned through Nika as the pictures flashed through her head. “When I got him off her, this man that I’d known since I was too young to remember threw me over a gorram table with every intention of raping me right there in front of her.” Nika sucked in a heavy breath, letting it out slowly. “All I remember of what came after is snapshots. Like someone took pictures through a red lens.” Blood everywhere. “It still gives me nightmares sometimes,” she said softly.

Shyla sat quietly, just listening.

“You left me on Boros to come to grips with Dad. Instead, all of that happened,” Nika said a little bitterly. “And I…. was ashamed. That I was too busy out in the Black to be home when they needed me most.” She stopped, choking on the next words—she had never allowed herself to even think them, much less say them aloud. “And then when I needed you most, you weren’t there.” Her lips pressed into a tight, thin line for a moment as she fought back tears. “I hated me for being so gorram selfish. I hated her for marrying him. And I hated you for abandoning me.”

If Shyla was surprised by the words, it didn’t show at that moment. She reached out and wrapped her arm around Nika’s shoulders, drawing the younger woman in to rest her red head atop the blonde one. And Nika allowed the move, her eyes filling with tears.

“Nala kicked me out. Not really, she never meant it that way,” Nika hastened to add. “But… it felt like it at the time,” she admitted softly. “And why wouldn’t she? I deserved it. I’d just killed her husband, she had a baby to raise on her own, and I was so brutally unhappy at home that I couldn’t see straight. I wanted out, just like always. It made me feel even more guilty. As irrational as I was, I couldn’t figure out what to do—and believe me, I knew exactly how irrational I was being. I just couldn’t make it stop.” She pulled away, looked up at her friend and mentor, wiping tears off her cheeks, and her words stalled in her throat.

Shyla’s regret was painful to see. “And now?” was all she asked of her former pilot.

Sucking in a deep breath, Nika said softly, “And now… it just was what it was. I needed … something I wasn’t sure I’d find on Harbinger at the time. I was too messed up to work through it in such close quarters, and I honestly think I’d have been a danger to us, Shyla.” She smiled just a hint of a smile for the other woman. “You needed someone whose head was in the game. Even irrationally mad at you, I wanted you all to be safe.”

Shyla’s expression eased a little. “Thank you,” she said simply.

Nika tilted her head just a hint and looked puzzled. “For what?” she asked wryly. “Being a basket case and knowing it?”

“For finally saying it out loud to my face, you silly bitch,” Shyla responded tartly. She reached out and cuffed Nika gently upside the head. “Did you think we didn’t know that on some level you had to be blaming us, Nika? C’mon, girl, think it through. Even the best of families argue. We’ve had our moments. We know you well enough after more than a third of your life to know how you think.” She shook her head, keeping her eyes on Nika. “But every time we wanted to get together, you held us at arm’s length. We’d hang, get beers, you’d take off with Brian and we wouldn’t see you again that trip. The couple of deliveries that chanced to fall into the hands of ships you just happened to be on were even worse—I’d open a channel and you’d be on the other end, but it was all business. Harry and I’d finally decided that Brian’s barbecue on Deadwood was going to be our come-to-Jesus.” She smirked faintly. “You were up to your eyeballs in trouble, and we were going to haul you out of it—kicking and screaming if it came to it.”

Nika laughed softly, feeling a weight lifted off her that she hadn’t really even realized was there it had been part of her for so long. “The best laid plans, hmm?”

Shyla merely rolled her eyes. “Yeah. That went south so gorram fast, I think our heads were spinning. We’d expected to have you for a couple more days—figured we’d convince you to come with us.” She shrugged easily. “Guess it worked out like it was supposed to anyway, huh? If you’d been with us, you sure wouldn’t have been here when we needed you.”

Nika paused, then grinned cheekily at her former captain and drawled, “Thought there was no fate, cap’n.”

The redhead cuffed the blonde lightly once more and shoved herself to her feet. “Get back to work, girl. You’re slackin’ again!”

The sound of feminine laughter could be heard even after the women disappeared back inside the vessel.