Editing Relationship Challenged

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''You’ve been a bitch lately! When’s the last time you were any fun?''<br><br>

''I’m dealing with it. -- Are you sure?''<br><br>

She isn’t. Although she feels better than she has in a long time, she’s not ''entirely'' sure she’s dealing with it at all. Or just burying it under a new sense of purpose. Nika pauses at the doorway to the medlab, clearing her throat. “You know.... I wanted to be angry when you called me a bitch. But I couldn’t summon the energy to get mad.” There’s another pause for a moment as she watches him. “It’s been that way for a long time. And I started to try to tell you... but you didn’t seem to think it was important, so I dropped it. Now you’re pissy at me about it. Maybe pissy at me about a lot of things. I’m thinkin’ maybe we better clear the air.” Her expression holds that neutral look that she’s worn for ages.<br><br>

“And for the record, I had fun on Aesir.” Jake’s family seems to have an easing effect on her. She finally steps all the way in to the medlab absently massaging the hand that she broke weeks back.<br><br>

Arden is wearing jeans and a green t-shirt with some yellow writing on it, but is hard to see because his med coat covers him, hanging in front as he looks through a microscope.<br><br>

When Nika starts talking he looks up, and swivels on his chair to face her. The shirt has a sidewise-facing happy face with a large triangular shaped mouth and no teeth. The universal ‘not’ (circle with a slash in it) is on top. Under it are the words “Just say no to PAX.”<br><br>

When Nika finishes he sighs, but says in a soft concerned tone, “Is your hand bothering you? Let me take a look.”<br><br>

“No,” Nika replies, dropping her hands. It seems more of an anxiety response rather than pain. “It doesn’t hurt. Aches sometimes if I’m cold, but I figure that’s about normal.” She clears her throat and looks around the medlab, shoving her hands into her pockets. “I don’t know how to do this. Especially not without winding up having an argument that I don’t want to have.”<br><br>

“Yeah, I don’t want to argue either,” Arden returns. “Why don’t you close the door and sit down. I will put on my doctor’s face and you can start at the beginning. I won’t say anything unless you tell me to respond.”<br><br>

Nika looks back toward the door, and then she shrugs and closes it, leaning back against it. “You don’t have to stay silent. I just...” Her eyes avoid his. “I don’t sleep well. Haven’t for a long time. I broke my hand on purpose, Arden. Even Rina thinks that’s probably a bad sign. I don’t ''want'' to have fun. I don’t want to deal with whatever it is you guys see when you look at me. I feel like I’m under pressure ''constantly''. And sometimes I think I ought to be angry about it, and I flat out don’t have the mental energy to be mad.” She bites her lip and looks back at him. “It’s getting better. A little. I don’t have as many nightmares anymore. And since I took the commission for the ship, I actually sort of... almost... feel ''normal''.”<br><br>

She pauses. “But seems like the thing that has given me a glimpse of a way out of the black hole might be the thing that’s made you angry.”<br><br>

“What is causing that pressure?” he asks.<br><br>

Nika smiles faintly. “Do you remember telling me I didn’t have to be perfect? Unfortunately, all of you seem to think I’m so great anyway. It’s an impossible standard. And it makes me more and more anxious. Vicious circle.” A tilt of her head. “Stepping into the hierarchy of a command structure ... I realize nothing at all has changed, I’m still the one you guys look to. But I don’t... feel like I’m standing out in the abyss all by myself just ... responsible for all of you. Because that’s part of my job, as I understand it. And it’s a tough one; one that I never feel I’ve performed adequately in spite of all of you telling me otherwise.”<br><br>

Arden opens his mouth to say something, and then uncharacteristically shuts it. Then he starts slowly, “You know when I first came to y’all, back in the pre-''Gift'' days, I thought I would make a good captain,” he says. “Now I know I wouldn’t, and basically I’m glad that I’m not captain. As a doctor I have control over life and death. That’s a lot less scary than being captain. You were definitely the right person for that job.<br><br>

“And I know who and what you are.You much more capable than you give yourself credit for. However, it sounds like part of your problem might be anxiety. Do you agree?”<br><br>

For a long moment Nika is quiet. And when she looks at him again, the blonde’s deep blue eyes are troubled. “I saw soldiers react ... in similar ways after the last war,” she finally says softly. “There’ve been a couple of occasions where I considered... just ending my conflict altogether. Shyla told me when you guys made me captain... that the secret of all captains is to fake it. I’ve been faking it for a ''really'' long time now. Anxiety’s probably an extremely large component,” she acknowledges.<br><br>

“Anxiety is different from depression,” he begins.<br><br>

Arden starts talking, falling into lecturer mode.“There are four main biological causes for anxiety. One of the most common is an imbalance of neurotransmitters in the brain. This can make the brain more sensitive to feelings of stress, resulting in an anxiety disorder. In these cases, the brain has an overload of chemicals that cause stressful-like feelings, such as adrenaline or epinephrine, and too little of the chemicals that cause relaxed feelings, such as serotonin. The chemicals, or neurotransmitters, that cause stress overpower the chemicals that prevent stress.”<br><br>

Arden continues, smiling, “That’s the most common type, and the one we should treat.<br><br>

“Now this can be caused by any number of things: chronic stress, diets low in dietary protein, poor absorption of dietary protein, diets low in omega-3 fat, diets high in high glycemic index foods, some medication and drugs, drinking too much alcohol, chemical toxicity, for example from industrial solvents and pesticides, and heavy metal toxicity.<br><br>

“This might be a delayed reaction to your bath on the final voyage of the ''Gift''. Or a dietary restriction that’s new. Or even the stress we are all under.<br><br>

“So my prescription is a change in diet and routine, no alcohol, no drugs.” He grins.“I will test for any heavy metal toxicity, chemical toxicity, and hormone imbalances. Those tests will take a few days, the ones I can do. Others will have to wait until we have access to a biolab.<br><br>

“In the meantime, I have some extra vitamins that we can use: supplementary amino acids, and extra Omega-3. I will tell Joshua to stock up on meat, fish, eggs, cheese. And quinoa, lentils, nuts, seeds, chick peas, soybeans, and tofu. If you find some pumpkin seeds and walnuts, they would be good as snacks.”<br><br>

Arden smiles again, “Hopefully we get it cleared up soon.”<br><br>

As she’s inundated with all this information he can see where she glazes over. It’s too much to take in, and some part of her is retreating from his diagnosis. When he’s done, Nika glances at him and asks in a dry tone, “Oh goodie. So a change in my diet’s going to fix the fact that I’m a gorram head case?”<br><br>

Arden laughs, “No of course not. But it’s a start.” He studies her. “You know, Joshua and Rina want me to take you off the ship, away from things here, next time I go to work with an orphanage. Would you want to do that?”<br><br>

“Why?” Nika asks, a spark of genuine curiosity easing the emotional retreat. “Like I need to see more horrors that will wake me up screaming in the middle of the night?” She grimaces a little, evading his eyes. “Bad shit seems to follow us everywhere -- I don’t want to expose a buncha kids.”<br><br>

“To do something simple and good. Something you can take pleasure in and be proud of. That’s better that helping people kill other people, right?”<br><br>

The blonde tips her head and looks back at him. Her eyes sharpen at his tone and she seems to be weighing his words. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”<br><br>

“No. It’s what we are doing. Well, to be honest we haven’t done that yet. And I honestly hope that we won’t do that. But it’s war. I expect it almost any day.”<br><br>

“I see,” Nika responds slowly. She seems to be considering it. And then she says, “Well -- at this point, I’m not in a position to change your mind. I could tell you how ''I'' see it, but since lately you don’t agree with anything I say it seems like I would be wasting my breath, doesn’t it?” Her look on him is level and she draws herself a little taller without really realizing it. “You agreed to the move. Have you changed your mind?”<br><br>

“I thought it was the right side, and I still do,” Arden responds. “I’m just dreading that day.”<br><br>

In the old days the gaze on him would have been a pure glacial blue and piercing. The darker blue of the ones she inherited are shadowed, her thoughts hidden just as effectively. <br><br>

“I am too,” she admits. “As difficult as I find it to connect anymore, I still don’t want to run around killing kids like those friggin’ idiots on the station.” She crosses her arms, still leaning against the door having not moved at all since she closed it. “I didn’t accept the commission because I wanted to go to war. I accepted the commission -- ''after'' you all said that you trusted the call, mind -- because I hoped that we’d be able to keep doing what we’ve been doing. Helping those in our path. Helping those who can’t help themselves. And it’s one more thing I have to live with if it goes sour, Arden. That I made the decision to bring all of you into this.” The faint smile that quirks her lips is grim. “As if nightmares of being drowned by living darkness aren’t bad enough. Now I have nightmares of all of us killing kids.”<br><br>

“Nothing’s for sure, Nika. You can chalk up my outburst to the stress of being in captivity and the threat of that sadist’s attentions.” Arden continues, “Funny thing about emotions, Nika. If you keep them hidden, and you keep feeling them, then they won’t stay hidden forever. And often force themselves out when you least expect it.”<br><br>

“Well, I’m thinking there’s not a lot you can do for panic attacks when it goes dark unexpectedly, darlin’,” Nika drawls. “But if you think you can help with the rest... I ain’t sayin’ I’m gonna entirely skip a beer now and then, but ... I’ll at least try and do what you tell me.”<br><br>

“It’s important Nika; you need to stop drinking until we figure what exactly is the root cause of your attacks.” Arden pauses, “Let’s start over. Anxiety, panic, and depressive are all different conditions. Generic treatments like Iprescribed will help all the conditions, but to zero in on the cause, we need to get as specific as we can.”<br><br>

Rolling her eyes, she tells him ruefully, “You act like I fly drunk.” Nika pushes a small smile. “If you insist, I’ll stick to friggin’ soda.” She hasn’t been drowning her sorrows -- at least not much. Once in a while, under appropriate circumstances, maybe.<br><br>

“No, though you would probably fly drunk better than anyone else on the ship,” Arden smiles, “I just want you to be better.”<br><br>

He adds, “A certain redhead on this ship would tell you that you need to get laid.” Arden pauses, “I wouldn’t mind seeing if you want to try rekindling anything...” He trails off lookingembarrassed.<br><br>

Nika smirks. “That’s a given,” she comments quietly -- thought whether it’s in response to flying better drunk than anyone on the ship or the certain redhead’s advice... well, you know. She clears her throat and lets the invitation stand, finally saying quietly, “You’re the one person on this boat I’ve always thought I had the power to really ''hurt'', Arden. And still you keep coming back. Why?”<br><br>

“Why not?” Arden responds simply. ''Because I love you''.<br><br>

“Yeah, see.... that’s what I don’t understand,” Nika huffs almost impatiently. “What do you ''want'' from me?”<br><br>

She’s not quite angry -- but maybe as close as she gets. “If all you wanted was to blow off steam, you’d have shut the bridge door and said so straight out. What is it that you think I can give you that Kiera isn’t?” She’s genuinely puzzled and a little ... well, frustrated about that answer.<br><br>

''Oh shit.  She is actually asking this?  She wants me to put my feeling out on the operating table, to be dissected and everything?'' Arden’s thoughts race through his head.  ''Okay deep breath….You can do this''.<br><br>

Arden shrugs, “Nothing. I enjoy being with you, '''with''' you. I like making love to you. I like having sex with you. I like doing silly stupid stuff with you. I like having you at my back. I always watch you; you’re on my mind all the time.” Arden sighs, “Isn’t that enough?”<br><br>

“Is it?” Nika asks him, seeming uncertain. “It was for me. And then I was afraid.... maybe it wasn’t. And ''then'' things went to hell and I got my guts tore out a couple times.” She offers a little smile. “''Are'' things that uncomplicated?”<br><br>

“I think you think too much, Nika,” Arden replies with a twisted grin. “Things may be uncomplicated, things may not be uncomplicated. Does it matter?<br><br>

“Ask yourself this, would you enjoy it, something that isn’t stressful?”<br><br>

Nika laughs, maybe the first real laugh that lights up her entire face that ''he’s'' been the cause of in months. “Yeah,” she admits. “I would enjoy that a lot. Aesir was... fun. I finally felt ... good. And even with the hazards of intelligent Reavers and the heartache involved in that.... I enjoyed the weeks on the ground, too. It was relaxing.”<br><br>

Arden looks confused, “Well, I think you to relax more, that's for sure.”<br><br>

The blond pushes off the door and murmurs softly, “I’m working on it.” There’s a pause, and she clears her throat and then adds the soft promise, “And I’ll think about the invitation, Arden. If things work out that it seems... appropriate, maybe we can...”She shrugs a little.<br><br>

“If you like,” Arden says with a crooked smile. ''Maybe…''<br><br>

Nika laughs softly, a little abashed. “Now you got me wonderin’ if you're suggesting it just to release serotonin into my bloodstream or something,” she tells him.<br><br>

Arden’s face goes blank. Then he smiles, “I guess you could look at it that way.”I don’t, he thinks to himself. Arden turns around, “Let me know if your hand bothers you more. If it does I’ll want to reexamine you.”<br><br>

Arden pauses, then turns around, “Any excuse to play doctor,” he grins. ''God, I hope she doesn’t see the pain of the rejection on my face, but she probably does''.<br><br>

Nika tenses slightly and watches him, uncertain at the tone and reaction. When he turns back around with a smile the immediate tension eases a little, and she offers with an almost-amused quirk of her lips. “You’re silly,” she informs him with a little grin. “I’ll see you at dinner,” she offers, feeling a little awkward for teasing him.<br><br>


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'''Go to''' '''[[Nika Earhart | Nika's Crew Page]]''' or '''[[Arden 689-C| Arden's Crew Page]]'''<br>
'''Go back to: ''[[Mutineers Timeline, Season Seven | Season Seven, May 2523 to -- ]]'''''<br>
'''Go to [[EPISODES]]''' or '''[[MTimeline#2511-2518|TIMELINE]]'''<br>