Editing SPARCs:Kibbitzing008

=== Scene 008:  Gunslinger penetrates SPARTA ===

''Gunslinger is down in the computer core with Joel.  Amy, Sarah and Joe are up top-side, but they're pretty clued in to the fact that there's trouble.  I assume that we'll see a fateful showdown in the computer core itself.''

''Known outcomes:  Joel will be wounded, rather than anyone else.  Some secret of Joel's will be revealed, rather than a secret of Sarah's.  Azrianni further feels that what Gunslinger wants is to be reunited with his family ... which I'm totally down with.''

And ... still thinking ...

One issue that's a bit of a poser for me is that ... I don't want Sarah's secret to come out to the other SPARCs members, but I really '''do''' want it to be shoved in the face of the audience a little, in preparation for the next episode.  Any ideas?

:Well, the obvious solution would be to separate Sarah from Joe and Amy - I'm sure someone can short out a lock or override a lift or whatever, either Gunslinger to aid his getaway or one of the SPARCs to protect the others.

:Then Sarah's identity can come into play in a confrontation between her and Gunslinger/Joel/both.  Maybe Gunslinger knows who she is.  You could tease the 'is she an undercover villain?' angle again.

:Something to remember - Frost blocked Gunslinger's main sidearm as a conflict victory last scene.  I think at some point he has to try to shoot someone, ony for the gun to jam. [[User:BlackSheep|BlackSheep]] 10:05, 24 April 2006 (PDT)

Okay ... 'nother issue.  What do people want for Joel in this scene?  He's spotlight for the episode.  What sort of emotional resonances should be around his revealed secret and his wounding?


Well, I'm letting this drag on.  That's no good.  Let me get some fragments of narration put out here, and people can recommend material to tie them together.


:AMY:  Hey, all joking aside, we're part of a command structure here.

:JOE:  Speak for yourself.

:SARAH:  What he said.

:AMY:  Excuse me?  Sarah, I thought you were keeping your head about this!  You're still a member of SPARCs.

:SARAH:  Yes, and Joel's my friend.  He's screwing his life up, this very moment.  We can be his friends, and keep that to ourselves, or we can be SPARCs and turn him over.

:AMY:  There's got to be a way to ...

:SARAH:  ... have it both ways?

:Sarah glances back toward the gymnasium.  Quick jump-cut of the Doctors Graves, laughing and socializing with the other parents.

:SARAH:  I don't think that's how it works.

----

::JOEL:  Oh come on!  You're tracking down someone in hiding, and you expect me to think that nobody's going to get hurt?  How do you ...

::GUNSLINGER:  I would never hurt my son.

::JOEL: ....

::Gunslinger taps a few more keys on the keyboard.  Information pops up on the screen for the relocated Victoria and Chester Bullit, now Angela and Jeff Spitz.  A photo (clearly recent) of little Jeff Spitz fills in pixel-line by pixel line.  Gunslinger takes a sharp, surprised little breath.  Jeff is wrestling a golden retriever.  He's lost one of his baby teeth, front and center.

::JOEL: ....

::GUNSLINGER:  >sniff!< He looks like a handful.

::JOEL: How ... how long has it been since ....

::There is a squealing of hydraulics as the locked door of the security center puts up a valiant but very, very brief battle.  Joe dusts off his hands and steps through, followed by Sarah.

::JOEL:  Joe!  You're alive!  He didn't ... (glances at Gunslinger) ... you didn't ...

::Joel registers the very unpleased looks on the faces of both Sarah and Joe.

::JOEL:  This isn't what ... it ... uh ....

::Sarah and Joe continue to stare at Joel and his "guest."

::JOEL:  Yeah, okay.  It's pretty much exactly what it looks like.  But he was going to kill you guys!

::Joe turns to Sarah.

::JOE:  I'm invulnerable.  You?

::SARAH:  Pretty much, yeah.

::Joe turns back to Joel, looks past him to the computer screen.

::JOE:  How 'bout those two?  They bullet-proof?

::Joel looks from Joe to Gunslinger, to the screen.  He pauses for a moment, then his stance and features visibly shift and harden.

::LIVEWIRE: He'll never get near them.  Now that we know what he's looking for, we'll hide them where he'll never be able to trouble them again.

::GUNSLINGER:  You heartless BASTARD!  That's my SON!  You people are keeping me away from my '''SON'''!

:::LIVEWIRE: You've already hurt them enough.

:::GUNSLINGER: Hurt them?  I would never hurt them!  It's you people!  You broke our family apart!

:SARAH:  You complete and total '''fuck'''!  Why the hell would your son want anything to do with you?  You had a choice, villain or father, and you ''made it''.

:LIVEWIRE:  That's right.  Give it up, Gunslinger.  There's no victory for you here ... not today, and not tomorrow.

:::Gunslinger blurs into motion, and now he has two guns in his hands.

:::GUNSLINGER:  My boy is going to know his father ... whatever it takes.  He '''needs''' me.  What would you do without Exemplar?

:::JOEL:  Exemplar is ''nothing'' to me.  I've never had a father.

:::Joe and Sarah glance at each other, clearly uneasy.

:::GUNSLINGER:  That's not going to happen to my boy.  He won't grow up without a father.

:::Sarah glances at the computer screen, where more photos are filling in on the dossier.

:::SARAH:  No ... apparently not.

:::Gunslinger glances back.  The camera close-ups on a picture filling in, of mother and son, and a burly, balding, smiling man holding them both as they face the camera, a happy family.

:::GUNSLINGER:  You people... you ''took my life''!

:::Gunslinger opens fire.  The gun in his right hand explodes, blowing him back against the panel.  The computer screen goes staticky.  Sarah and Joe leap forward, but Joel is closer, and is already jumping on Gunslinger.

:::SARAH:  You IDIOT!

:::There is a muffled bang, and Joel spins away, streaming blood.  Sarah lands on top of Gunslinger.  Under the impact, Gunslinger is slammed through the keyboard, the table, and onto the floor.  He levels his gun at Sarah's midriff and holds down the trigger.  In a moment, her shirt is turned into a ragged tank-top, but the skin underneath is unmarked.

:::SARAH:  You're both idiots.

:::Sarah smacks Gunslinger once, with an open palm.  His head slams back, bouncing off the floor.  He sags, unconscious.

:::Joe is bent over Joel.  He is holding the med-kit that we saw in a rack on the wall in several earlier shots, but which has only now entered our consciousness as relevant.

:::JOEL:  It's ... okay ... you can tell me the truth.  How bad is it?

:::JOE:  Tore up a little meat, but it looks to have missed the organs.  You'll be fine.

:::JOEL:  Oh ... well ... that's good.

:::JOE:  Yes, Joel, that's good.

----

I like the confrontation, especially the way Sarah phrases it. As for stuff from other people, I don't know. Joe could get them into the computer core with a display of brute strength, which is always laffs. As to what secret of Joel's gets revealed... I think the clone thing is the obvious candidate, but I'm not sure how to implement it. -- [[User:James Holloway|James Holloway]] 09:13, 26 April 2006 (PDT)

::Not sure about the phrasing, but I like how Joel's wise-cracking superhero persona takes over as soon as the SPARCs turn up.  Wouldn't do to let anyone realise he's not totally in-control.

::I'm drawing pretty blank on how to tie this scene together.  I guess the basic flow goes Joe/Amy/Sarah > Joel/Gunslinger > confrontation on the way out > escape?  Joel would probably have to get his secret(s) revealed during the confrontation, when everyone's there to see, and be injured in the escape.  This is, basically, the SPARCs getting in over their heads and not working as a team as a result of their internal stresses.[[User:BlackSheep|BlackSheep]] 09:40, 26 April 2006 (PDT)

OK, here's this question: once Joel figures out what Gunslinger is really up to, how does he react?  Because if Joel actually feels some sympathy with the villain--maybe even is thinking of letting him go--and then the rest burst in and Joel either can't prevent the confrontation or feels he has to side with his teammates or whatever.  Don't know if anybody else likes that, but to me that puts in a little more tension than just heroes v. villain.

Then the secret could be a lesser part of the clone secret: "I don't have a father."  --Azrianni
04:17, 27 April 2006 (PDT)

:Hmmm...there'd be a degree of sympathy, but I don't see Joel letting Gunslinger go, especially after what he did to Joe - he's just too dangerous.  However, I could see him trying to talk Gunslinger out of his plan - offering advice on the situation without realising he's also talking about himself and Exemplar.[[User:BlackSheep|BlackSheep]] 10:10, 27 April 2006 (PDT)


Okay, I've filled in some gaps.  I'll fill in more later this morning.  Got to roust the boys and pour breakfast into them.

Finished off the gaps.  BlackSheep, you were talking about Gunslinger escaping ... is there a reason (something I've forgotten) why he ''should'' escape?
@@ Line 47: / Line 47: @@
 ::JOEL: ....
-::Gunslinger taps a few more keys on the keyboard.  Information pops up on the screen for the relocated Victoria and Chester Clayton, now Angela and Jeff Spitz.  A photo (clearly recent) of little Jeff Spitz fills in pixel-line by pixel line.  Gunslinger takes a sharp, surprised little breath.  Jeff is wrestling a golden retriever.  He's lost one of his baby teeth, front and center.
+::Gunslinger taps a few more keys on the keyboard.  Information pops up on the screen for the relocated Victoria and Chester Bullit, now Angela and Jeff Spitz.  A photo (clearly recent) of little Jeff Spitz fills in pixel-line by pixel line.  Gunslinger takes a sharp, surprised little breath.  Jeff is wrestling a golden retriever.  He's lost one of his baby teeth, front and center.
 ::JOEL: ....
@@ Line 127: / Line 127: @@
 :::JOEL:  Oh ... well ... that's good.
-:::JOE:  Yes, Joel, that's good.  We're going to go get you some medical help.
+:::JOE:  Yes, Joel, that's good.
-:::Sarah and Joe head out into the corridor.  Sarah carries Gunslinger unceremoniously over one shoulder.
-:::SARAH:  Idiots.  Joel got himself hurt because he wanted to be a ''hero''.
-:::JOE:  You say that like it's a bad thing.
-:::SARAH:  Isn't it?
 ----
@@ Line 156: / Line 148: @@
 Finished off the gaps.  BlackSheep, you were talking about Gunslinger escaping ... is there a reason (something I've forgotten) why he ''should'' escape?
-:Not really.  It's just the assumption I've been going on so far.  In fact, I had an idea for a wrap-up scene with Joel visiting Gunslinger in jail at the end of the ep, so him going into custody would work well.  And ouch, I just realised that the visit would make a really nasty contrast with Frost being alone in the asylum...
-:How much longer do we want to go from here?  We have Frost's psych evaluation, and a SPARCs/SPADA face-off scene...we can probably wrap up the actual super-heroics for the episode.  So yeah, Gunslinger going down here works fine.  Where'd Amy go to during the scene, by the way?  Off to get help?
-::Where did Amy go, indeed?  I think that calls for a follow-up scene.  [[User:TonyLB|TonyLB]] 11:58, 28 April 2006 (PDT)
-:Oh, one thing - Gunslinger's real name was established earlier as Ezekiel Clayton.  So his ex-wife and son should probably have the same surname, pre-relocation.[[User:BlackSheep|BlackSheep]] 09:20, 28 April 2006 (PDT)
-:: Great!  Will do.  [[User:TonyLB|TonyLB]] 11:58, 28 April 2006 (PDT)