Shadows over Cyre Page 5

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rampant 07-20-07 04:55 PM

Brella: :confused: good thing I loaded his saddle with the stuff.

Marie: :(

Brella: .... Wanna go steal Colonel Duck's underwear from his empty room and have it hanging from the ramparts when he gets back?

Marie: :devil: (every child knows when mischief is in the air)

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Charles Phipps 07-20-07 04:58 PM

Marie: Wouldn't that make him mad?

Brella: :shifty: Uhhh no.

Marie: OH! So, we're just letting it air out.

Brella: Yes....that's it exactly.

Marie: Spiffy! Then he'll like me and convert to the side of goodness!

*Birds chirp around Marie in an entirely Disney like scene*

Nathan: :drool:

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rampant 07-20-07 05:59 PM

Brella: Hey hey none of that! *picks up Nathan and tosses him in a pig sty*

Marie: What was that?

Brella: Nothing important. Now to Colonel Duck's room!

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Kaizer_Ryu 07-20-07 06:11 PM

OOC: Sorry abouy the delay, Charles. Someone called "Real Life" has been bothering me. Keeps insisting I do things other than this. Jerk.

IC:

Once in the Mournlands, Thelia all but disappeared. The perpetual twilight of this place made the perfect environment for her abilities to flourish. Not like she wanted to talk to anybody, anyway. She did this out of a combination of self preservation and proper monetary reward, not any foolish sense of altruism.

Thelia: (i.h.h.) Such nonsense. Why the hell would anyone be dumb enough to expect one of the legendary creatures from the Realm of Madness to do anything more than kill them on the spot? Then there's the Gatekeepers. Who makes a seal you can break just by dropping it?

Much of the force was quiet, mainly the Warforged. That wasn't anything new, but it was painfully obvious which members of the "breathers" were silent out of seriousness, and which ones were so out of fear.

Thelia: (i.h.h.) Being afraid is one thing, but those guys won't survive the fight. "Duty" is just a fancy way for the coward to work up the nerve to go at all. :nonono: And that worked SO well in the Last War.

Then there were the whisperers. Most discussed the upcoming fight, working out contingencies, getting to know what kinds of options this group had. Some did it because the quiet bothered them.

Thelia: (i.h.h.) Another group that won't fare well. Whispering betrays your fear of the unknown, as the noise they're making is more than enough to alert anything nearby. This mission, this cult, and this place are all unknowns. You are marching to your doom.

Then there were the scattered prayers. She really had no ill will against them, just found them less likable for needing to incur favor from something that barely recognized their existence, if it even existed at all. She had once followed her pack's worship of nature spirits and their ancestors, but that had been exposed as the pointless gesture it was the moment the Flame attacked, and when the Mourning came, those very spirits were overwhelmed by this dead mist that served her so well.

The third group were the talkers. Some overly loud, some just engaging in idle banter, some actually discussing relevant issues. Gortuck seemed fascinated by Ryan's discovery, engaging him at length about the artifact they possessed, the 9 he had leads on, and possible locations of the last. Her next bit of dark commentary was directed at those talking just to talk.

Thelia: Talking just so to keep your mind from working is no way to prepare for battle. If you can't face your fears in relative safety, there's no saving you when they come for your life.

And then there was Ben...

Ben seemed to have a difficult time taking things seriously, but he got the job done. That just made his cheerfulness that much more irritating. Right now he had Archimedes doing tricks, trying to raise spirits as they made for their target.

Thelia: (i.h.h.) A pointless gesture, but whatever floats your boat.

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rampant 07-20-07 06:26 PM

Cassius: ....

Fracture: Something's wrong with the meatsack.

Spike: I know how to fix it! *pokes Cassius in the eye*

Cassius: OUCH! DAMN YOU TO HELL YOU BASTARD CHILD OF A TOASTER!

Fracture: You froze.

Cassius: Yeah, I felt a great disturbance as if several dozen undergarments had cried out only to be silenced.

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Charles Phipps 07-20-07 06:35 PM

OOC: Oh, the villains are here. Anyone with Knowledge (Religion), Knowledge (Undead), or Knowledge (Arcana) might know of them.

Speakers of Orkus

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SilvercatMoonpaw 07-20-07 07:58 PM

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Quote: Originally Posted by Kaizer_Ryu (Post 13140553)

Thelia: (i.h.h.) Such nonsense. Why the hell would anyone be dumb enough to expect one of the legendary creatures from the Realm of Madness to do anything more than kill them on the spot?

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13: Have her meet Kanatash. :bored:

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Quote: Originally Posted by Kaizer_Ryu (Post 13140553)

Then there's the Gatekeepers. Who makes a seal you can break just by dropping it?

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Gravely Voice Introduced Earlier But Whom We Haven't Seen The Face Of Yet: The Great Plotline demands it.

Bunny: How the hell do you people keep getting in here?! :mad:

13: Huh, Thelia seems easy to annoy. Now let's see, where did I leave my mudhole maker?

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Quote: Originally Posted by Charles Phipps (Post 13140742)

OOC: Oh, the villains are here. Anyone with Knowledge (Religion), Knowledge (Undead), or Knowledge (Arcana) might know of them.

Speakers of Orkus

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FX demon (holding up a sign): *You wanna know why no one has ever seen him? Let's just say it has to do with why he was called "Oikus" at demon school.*

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Ultimatecalibur 07-20-07 09:34 PM

Ryan: Thelia, I am sorry but it takes much more than physical force to destroy one of these. Fracture, will you assist me in a demonstration?

Fracture: What would you have me do, Fleshbag?

Ryan (setting the skull on the ground): Please smash the skull with all of your strength.

Fracture: If it is destroyed it is not my fault, and any trouble caused by it will be on your head.

Ryan: I know. Now please try to smash it.

Fracture's blow drives the skull a good inch into the solid packed dirt of the street.

Fracture: What will this prove?

Ryan: Look at the skull, it is hollow.

Cassius: *realizing something* It is far to thin to take the blow without shattering normally.

Ryan: Correct, the skulls are immune to physical damage, but very vulnerable to magical energy. The only skull of the 13 that was destroyed was barely caught in the area of a simple Burning Hands spell and proceeded to revert to a normal bone skull that then disintegrated into a cloud of bone meal.

Kael: So even the most simple of magical attacks will destroy them. Interesting.

Thelia: Okay, that makes more sense.

OOC: Know would be a good time for Ari and Reade to show up and comment about the Speakers.

Kaizer_Ryu 07-20-07 09:47 PM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

OOC: She was running an internal monologue, but good to know.

She's not easily annoyed, just really, really cynical. Think Kitten without the teenager/emo complex. She doesn't respect anyone who hasn't earned that respect, but pretends to if it gets her what she wants.

She's a manipulative b*tch, sure, but she's not trying to screw anyone over out of vindictiveness. She's very "survival of the fittest" in her outlook. And sometimes that includes group efforts like this.

Charles Phipps 07-20-07 10:37 PM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Fiery Freedom

Nathan: No matter how many times I see it. The Mournland truly is an endless Hell hole.

Cassius: Yes, there is no greater proof of the devastating effect of magic than this place.

Nathan: So, that's what you believed caused the Mourning?

Cassius: I believe people looking for a cause to the Mournlands are simply deluding themselves. It was the result of too much magic tearing away at the fabric of the country. Combined with a Manifest Zone or something, it probably set off the disaster.

Nathan: So your take is it was all one big accident.

Cassius: I fought the war for literally the entire span of it. I killed not just ten or a hundred men. If you took the total of all those I slew it would equal probably more than ten thousand men. An entire city depopulated by my wrath....and I am not alone in it.

Fracture: Your point?

Cassius: If it was divine judgement then it would be on all Nations, not just Cyre.

Kael: Where is the location of the Speakers of Orkus' fortress?

Cassius: Metrol.

Kael: The Capital?

Cassius: Not just the capital. The Royal Palace. The Speakers of Orkus have taken up residence in the home of the Ir'Wynern's Cyrean branch. They've made that place their own.

Kelly: Blasphemy.

Nathan: Your coming miss Greywolf?

Kelly: Yep. This is a strike against my home.

Nathan: By the way are those volcanos....still active?

Cassius: Yes.

Nathan: For how long? How many are there?

Cassius: three years so far...and hundreds.

Charles Phipps 07-20-07 11:00 PM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

OOC:

It's okay Kaizer, I was wondering where you went through.

Orkus: Man, I can't wait for these people to kick my cultist's ass.

Bunny: What the...

Orkus: Oh sorry, I'm just hiding from my stupid ass cultists. I mean, I'm trying to rest my Great Old One Demon ass and all these stupid LARPing goat headed guys won't leave me alone.

Bunny: Huh.

Orkus: I mean, seriously, all I want to do is just lie back and play with my wand.

Silver: I know what you mean.

rampant 07-20-07 11:25 PM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Brella - Could you give Cassius this for me?

Death knight - um sure

Marie - Thanks mr. nice man

Death Knight - I can honestly say I've never been called that before.

Brella - Yeah,... (grabs Marie and leaves)

Ultimatecalibur 07-20-07 11:26 PM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kaizer_Ryu (Post 13142119) OOC: She was running an internal monologue, but good to know.

She's not easily annoyed, just really, really cynical. Think Kitten without the teenager/emo complex. She doesn't respect anyone who hasn't earned that respect, but pretends to if it gets her what she wants.

She's a manipulative b*tch, sure, but she's not trying to screw anyone over out of vindictiveness. She's very "survival of the fittest" in her outlook. And sometimes that includes group efforts like this.

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OOC: We could retcon the comment to have been said under her breath, and that Ryan caught it.

One other question: Where are we? Til Charles' last post I was pretty sure we where still outside the Boar's Head preparing for the expedition.

Charles Phipps 07-20-07 11:39 PM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

OOC: Just consider your comment Ryan made as canon. Maybe you have a really good understanding of how people's minds work.

Apologies on the confusion too.

IC:

Fiery Freedom

The group had loaded up onboard the Fiery Freedom without much difficulty or recoruse before slowly starting the Airship to rise above the ground as the Elemental Ring ignited in a glowing flame about them. A second started propelling them forward as the Captain sent them forward above the top of Caer Shadowfast.

It was a ten minute flight until the edge of the Mournland when Cassius made his unholy comment about the conditions of the land.

.....It would be hours til Metrol. Nevertheless, it was far preferrable to the two or three week trip that riding would take.

Ultimatecalibur 07-21-07 12:30 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Ryan is leaning against a railing looking out over the blasted waste that is the Mournlands.

Kelly (walking up along side him): Somethin' has been botherin me.

Ryan (still staring at the sky line): What is the problem?

Kelly: Yah, got the rock at about 8 in tha mornin, right?

Ryan: Yes.

Kelly: But yah showed up ta talk to Cass at bout 1. So it only took yah bout 4 hours to find out bout it.

Ryan: Actually less. I knew what it was when I first saw it. Just went back to the library to make sure.

Kelly: How's that?

Ryan: I was part of the group that orginally recovered the 13 skulls from Xen'drik.

Charles Phipps 07-21-07 02:26 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Metrol

A Death Knight on Dragonback waited for the approach of the Fiery Freedom towards the doomed City of Metrol and the grand palace of Cyre. The building that had managed to weather the Mourning because it had been made not by human hands but the ancient Dhaakani that had raised such vast and great structures across the land now forgotten in technique.

Schwartzvald: They will come with the Crystal Skull.

Krull: I wonder if I should wear the form of Orkus or this Draconic visage when I kill them.

Schwartzvald: It matters not. Destroying the Skulls will release much onto this world but not provide us with what we need.

Krull: And what's that human?

Schwartzvald: To CONTROL the creatures that emerge.

The Fiery Freedom

Nathan: So, anyone got anything they want to say while we wait to approach the Big Bad's Evil Hideout?

Greywolf: I doubt they're in the mood for another Story hour.

Nathan: Hey, *I* want to hear the rest of Fracture's tale. Plus, only Thelia gave a tale, not any of her people.

Cassius: I'll share another story as well.

Nathan: You ALWAYS have stories, Ducky.

• seconds later*

Nathan has been hoisted up on the front of the ship.

Nathan: I see only Brella gets to call you that.

Cassius: Ryan, tell how you got the skulls perhaps.

Ultimatecalibur 07-21-07 04:00 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Ryan: Where to begin.

Random Voice: The begining would be a good place to start. (Laughter is heard from the crowd)

Ryan: Ah, but every story has multiple beginings, some boring other exciting. I think I will start with the expedition's arrival at Xen'drik. The two ships the expedition was using to travel to Xen'drik had been damaged in a storm as we were sailing. We were forced to drop anchor in a lagoon far from any known civilisation to make repairs. A party was sent to shore in order to collect wood for the repairs. While they were searching for materials one of the crew had found an incredible stone pillar. A short distance in we found another pillar, further in another and further still another and on and on they went. We had followed the resulting path of pillars in to the jungle were we incountered a strange hill. One member commented that the hill looked to have strange enough steps. We descided to climb the steps in iorder to find what thy lead to. At the end of the steps, near the top of the hill, we found a cave mouth nearly three times a tall a full grown man. Entering it we found a circular chamber with 13 pedestals, each with what appeared to be a skull made of pure crystal place on top. That is how the skulls were discovered.

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Thelia: Gortuck, there are some odd things about his story.

Gortuck: Yes there are. Most intriguing is the fact that the expedition found ruins so close to the shore. In the last 50 years the coasts of Xen'drik have been mapped in incredible detail. There is no part of the coast that has not been mapped less than 10 miles inland. So how could a human as young as he be part of an expedition that discovered unescavated coastal ruins.

Charles Phipps 07-21-07 05:00 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ultimatecalibur (Post 13144107)

Gortuck: Yes there are. Most intriguing is the fact that the expedition found ruins so close to the shore. In the last 50 years the coasts of Xen'drik have been mapped in incredible detail. There is no part of the coast that has not been mapped less than 10 miles inland. So how could a human as young as he be part of an expedition that discovered unescavated coastal ruins.

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Cassius: Luck?

Gortuck: I would think a man whose seen a century of life would have more respect for mystery.

Cassius: There is no mystery to life. You are born naked in blood and then you are lucky if you do not die that way.

Thelia: I am only concerned with these ruins as they offer the chance to reveal the mystery of the Mourning.

Cassius: You are only interested in it because you have some secret hope your family survived it.

Thelia: What!?

Cassius: Don't act so surprised, you are hardly the first person I've ever seen stare at the Mourning and hope against hope to find some way to ressurect the dead.

Thelia: How dare you!?

Cassius: I was once a Bone Knight. You have no concept of what that means. It means I had to stare into the very face of Death. I learned one universal truth.

• Nathan struggles off the ship's mast*

Nathan: And what does that mean?

Cassius: Those people who obsess over the dead are fools. Life is the only cure for death and the living must live on.

Nathan: So who did you leave in charge of the fort, anyway?

Cassius: The Talking Head.

Nathan: What?!

Talking Head: :weep:

Cassius: I've also left the little girl amply protected. My favorite soldier is her bodyguard.

fett: ....

Marie: Do you ever say anything?

fett: ....

Marie: Sigh.

Lord Kale Fangblade 07-21-07 06:49 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Kael stared out over the side into the mournlands. it was a desolate place, crackling with arcane power. Kael's lip twitched in a smile, the twilight of this place suited his abilities, not darkness but not light either. much like him. Kael also scowled. this place had once been his home, all those years ago. the battle ground he'd fought to keep, the blood soaked fields that hundreds had died to protect.

Kael: and in the end, it had all been pointless.

Kael scowled, they were heading to Metrol. he'd been there before, he'd seen what remained of that place. the ruins of the streets. This place was an open and infected wound, but when it had killed so many... how did he survive?

Kael sighed. such thoughts were best reserved for later. he had a job to do. Kerokash stirred restlessly in its scabbard.

Kael: *whisper* Soon Kerokash. Soon.

SilvercatMoonpaw 07-21-07 07:37 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Reade: So this would make you a very "hands-off" administrator.

Talking Head: *makes motion as if it wishes it still had hands so it could kill itself*

Kaizer_Ryu 07-21-07 09:07 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

OOC: She's not the type to get riled up under anything less than extraordinary circumstances, either.

Thelia's default emotion: :bored:

IC:

Thelia: (i.h.h.) Humph. Let him think that. Less problematic for me in the long run.

This is why she disliked traveling an large groups. Someone always wanted to talk to you. And, usually, that someone had some comment or other about how to live life or whatever that implied they knew any better, or that they knew you at all. She'd stared death in the eye enough times to know the only point to life is the one you give it, not the one others think it should have.

That's probably one of the things about Marie that she liked the least. She'd so far tried to live as she was told she should. How could anyone be so cheerful when they were less than a pawn? Her optimism would only end up getting her hurt or killed, probably at the hands of the faith she thought so highly of.

Thelia: (i.h.h.) No wonder I don't like her. She's disturbingly like me at that age. She'll learn soon enough that this world has no place left for the kind-hearted. Hopefully in less blunt a way that I did...

rampant 07-21-07 10:44 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

fett: - :mymy:

Brella - (currently giving :fett: an atmoic wedgie) Come on kid we gotta go soak all of Cassius sheets in itch powder

Kamikaze Chicken 07-21-07 11:03 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Artifice awakens in his bedroom, his creation resting on his chest.

Artifice: well... you work...... tell me what happened?

AH: Creator was damaged, I resucitated, then we moved creator to his resting chamber.

Artifice looks fairly confused at the "we" his creation mentioned.

Artifice: We?

AH now turns to look at the floor : The creator is to large for one to move alone. One created helpers.

Artifice sat up slightly to see a dozen silver horrors lined up on the floor in ranks of three.

Artifice: That is very impressive, how ever I would request that you not create, with out instruction.

AH: Creator understand his creation. I was created to create in order to accomplish my prime directive.

Artifice looks very puzzled at this assertion of purpose.

Artifice: I created you, to assist in my pursuit. Nothing more.

AH:Error, creator. I exist to end the suffering of my kind. I serve my lord, whom helped the creator. I am to protect the creator, and end the suffering of my people.

Artifice: What people? i created you, you have no........Whom is your lord?

AH turns to face his creator his blade whirring slightly. AH: He of the blades.

The crowd of silver horrors on the floor resound in binary: "He of the Blades!"

Artifice: TTH: I do not like the sound of this....

AH : What is the will of the creator?

Artifice: hrrrm....... Deactivate for 2 cycles, then find me and ask for further instruction.

AH's ruby would glow for but a second as he responded "By your command." Then went limp on the sheets and artifice quickly went to his lab locking his bed chamber behind him.

Artifice: By the travelers own luck... what Have I done?

--- 00c --- OOC:chicken: now the real fun begins... and pardon the terrible sci fi references used ^^

KAMIKAZE! :chicken: out.

Charles Phipps 07-21-07 03:49 PM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Fiery Freedom Deck

Nathan: That was mean of you to Miss Thelia.

Cassius: No, it's mean of her to exploit and abuse this fortress for her own ends repeatedly. I don't like her attitude Nathan and I don't like the company she keeps.

Gortuck: Hey!

Cassius: Present company exempted.

Gortuck: She knows her stuff though.

Cassius: I have no doubt of that. We're going to be in battle but if she can't be relied on then it's another question entirely.

In truth, what angered him was the knowledge that Thelia would leave behind any of his men when it came down to combat. She was a potential traitor...or more precisely....as a mercenary she wasn't trustworthy. His opinions on Deneith were shaped quite well by his experiences. A part of him loathed them more than the Dragon Below.

Cassius: *TTH* Those who shun the bonds of camaraderie amongst death....are sick in body and mind. What does that say about me? Everything must have it's purpose. Without purpose there is no point to existence.

OOC:

Orkus: Is it just me or is every other thing Colonel Duck says stolen from Darth Vader and now Agent Smith?

Bunny: I bet he steals from Serenity's Operative next.

Silver: He should steal from James Bond next.

Rei32491 07-21-07 10:04 PM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Somewhere within Metrol

A cultist stands before a large figure on the brink of unconsciousness chained to the wall and covered in wounds.

Cultist 1: Why do you keep resisting us?!

• Proceeds to whip the thing*

Thing: ...

Cultist 1: :mad: Controlling you was SO much easier before Kain died.

As he says this another Cultist enters.

Cultist 2: Any luck?

Cultist 1: None. This freak just wont break. I don't know how he does it after what he's seen.

Cultist 2: We'll leave him to stew down here for today. Perhaps he'll be more inclined to cooperate in the morning.

Cultist 1: Fine, but first-

He pulls out a large mace and smashes it into the things face knocking it out cold.

Cultist 2: :mad: He's no good to us dead, you know.

Cultist 1: :smirk: If he couldn't survive that, what good is he anyway?

Charles Phipps 07-22-07 02:19 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

OOC:

Orkus: What I want to know is how much this game can rip off.

Bunny: Oh?

Orkus: Seriously, does he think we won't recognize all the Lord of the Rings images he steals?

Silver: Maybe?

Orkus: It's like saying 'Oh and Lord Evil shows up' and using Darth Vader's image! EBERRON IS NOT MIDDLE EARTH!

OOCharles: :shifty: Uhhhh just some structures look like it.

IC:

The City of Metrol

The City of Metrol was a dessicated and burnt out husk that had been decimated by the horror of the Mourning. Most of the larger and more important buildings were intact though. The ancient Dhaakani ruins that composed most of the city had survived with the Grand Coliseum, the Circus Maximus, and other ruins of Ancient Gallifar still standing high and tall amongst the shattered buildings. Amongst them was a gigantic pair of statues that were Galifar the First and Jarlot the Last Emperor.

Cultists moving down the river that lead deep down to polluted bogs and was deceptively beautiful but was poison like the worst Assassin's tongue.

Cassius: We're here.

Nathan: Darnit, I was wanting to hear another story!

Cassius: Focus, young man on the moment. Instead of the past or future, we need to keep our minds focused on the present.

Nathan: You sound like a frickin' Paladin.

Cassius: I was once.

They saw the coming image of the Castle and knew that they would soon land and have to deal with the evils within.

OOC: Guys, you're welcome to continue introducing your characters and storylines but also welcome to move the plot along towards the castle and dealing with the enemies within.

Don't feel restricted by my or Kaizer's plotline. Go right ahead.

Ultimatecalibur 07-22-07 03:46 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Charles Phipps (Post 13151319) OOC: Guys, you're welcome to continue introducing your characters and storylines but also welcome to move the plot along towards the castle and dealing with the enemies within.

Don't feel restricted by my or Kaizer's plotline. Go right ahead.

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OOC: Hey, I have been holding the straight edge and pencil for this plotline just as much as if not more often than Kaizer.

IC: Ryan (snickering).

Kelly: What's so funny?

Ryan: What is the mental picture of a paladin to most people who have worked with them?

Kelly: Color blind smite happy idiots with sticks up their rears. So?

Ryan: Remember the time Cass litterially had a stick stuck in there?

Kelly thinks for a moment and then starts laughing at the memory.

Cassius: That was harsh you two.

Nathan (confused): When did this happen?

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Charles Phipps 07-22-07 05:56 AM

OOC: Good point, Ultimate. Just note it was Kaizer I named Co-DM because he helped come up with the game.

• Gives him a Deputy DM badge*

And does anyone think that this is what the Thing probably looks like?

Image goes here.

Marie: Why do you torment Colonel Cassius so much?

Brella: It's a long story Marie....but here's the basics....

 *The Colonel nailed a sign up against the wall*

Things Brella is no longer allowed to do/think/say in Caer Shadowfast

 * Special thanks to Mister Welch.

1. Opening a church to Dol Patton, Gnomish God of Heavy Artillery.
2. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.
3. Must not murder canon NPCs in their sleep, no matter how much they suck.
4. Painting Aerenal black because the Eberron Drow are much cooler.
5. Asking a Talenta Plane halfling to stand in the middle of Sharn and shed one tear when people throw trash.
6. Suggesting the Colonel's War Mount should be an Epic Flumph.
7. Mentioning "Dark" and "Dreaming" every time you meet the ambassadors from Sarlona.
8. Or having an "Inspired" idea.
9. Talking to the Lords of Dust like they're vaccuum cleaner salesmen.
10. That's not how they got their name!
11. Crossing over with the Forgotten Freedom.
12. I cannot buy any animal in groups of 100 or over.
13. Especially not to interbed in the off chance they'd produce a Gold Chocobo.
14. That is not how House Vadalis started.
15. It is not polite to do heavy breathing noises whenever the Colonel is being intimidating....
16. Even if he's building a Gigantic Magic Missile Wand on the Moon.
17. Even if he's confronting his archnemesis who just happens to be his son.
18. Even if he's torturing the Princess who happens to his daughter.
19. Even if he's wearing Black Armor today.
20. Even if the Colonel has Asthma.
21. Even if the Colonel thinks he can do the Throat strangle thing but can't. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiFKwEb_g2A
22. You cannot crossover Eberron with D20 Star Wars.
23. Even if Jedi makes much more sense than Paladin.
24. Ditto Sith.
25. Look, the Colonel just took the Paladin levels to get the best benefit out of Bone Knight.
26. I will not arranged **** fights between Warforged in Chicken suits.
27. Especially not by claiming it'll make them real boys.
28. Do not traumatize Marie.
29. Deliberately.
30. Or more than she already is.
31. She'll need enough therapy as it is.
32. Ryan is not an anime character.
33. Even if he has blue hair.
34. Even if he's possessed of mysterious powers we don't understand.
35. Even if he has a sword 9 feet long.
36. No jokes about 35 please.
37. Fracture is not Doctor Doom.
38. Even if he is plotting world domination.
39. And a has a nice green cloak.
40. And will get that blasted Richards.
41. Do not switch the entire coffee supply to decaf for the Karrnath Army.
42. They're hard enough to distinguish from the Zombies already.
43. Artifice is not an otaku.
44. Even if we're all suspecting his evil robot will be revealed as a cute girl sometime.
45. ...or the Lord of Blades will.
46. Thelia is not to be tormented about her being a snooty foxgirl.
47. And how Marie has a more luxurious coat than her.
48. She's just supposed to be reminded every few minutes.
49. Every Arrahday is not 'Clothing Optional' Day.
50. Erandis D'Vol is not to be claimed to be the Little Old Lady from Pasadina.
51. And she did not steal your Lightning Cart.
52. It is wrong to tie Marie to Train Tracks....
53. Even if you're wearing a long thick villanous mustache.
54. And lured her there with carrots.
55. Bards cannot do the Jedi Mind trick.
56. Sex cannot be used as a medium for "influence reactions."
57. Brella may not use it to GET sex.
58. Brella will stop commenting how everything around here looks like leftovers from the Lord of the Rings set.
59. Artifice is not allowed to attach lasers to the heads of sharks for his evil lair.
60. .....they're endangered you know.
61. Not allowed to kill another party member with a boomerang again.
62. Dwarves do not count as burrowing animals.
63. I do not have a scorching case of lycanthropy.
64. Gihren is not the most ineffective villain of all time.
65. That would his henchman Bane.
66. Karns may speak German and Thranes may speak Spanish but this does not mean that the Dutch language is Orcish.
67. They speak English.
68. Bella the Snake Lady is not to be asked to show where her dragonmark is for $5 a pop.
69. No, she doesn't know where Voldemort got his snake.
70. And if she did, that doesn't mean she got the 7th Potter novel early.
71. I cannot demand payment in electrum, backrubs or bubblewrap.
72. Marie is not an emergency food supply.
73. She will not be described that way to the undead.
74. There is no such thing as pleather armor.
75. When the guy is at -9 HP is not the best time to convert him to your faith.
76. The Colonel is not said to have Intelligence as his dump stat.
77. Brella not declare myself a god just so she can grant herself spells.
78. ...even if that works in Eberron.
79. Brella's secret backstory is not...
80. Recruited by 12 Dwarves and a Wizard to slay a Dragon.
81. To become a Jedi like her father before her.
82. To defeat the Dark Lord she accidentally killed as a baby.
83. Getting locked in a Wardrobe with a bunch of Satyrs and a Lion.
84. 83 sounds dirty anyway.
85. Brella will not make Monty Python references during war council.
86. Your dying words are not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur"
87. The Thing is not the Cookiee Monster.
88. The Thing is not a rocky orange guy who smokes lots of cigars.
89. The Thing will not infect and transform us into copies of itself.
90. Bella is not to have her image sold to dealers for putting on the fantasy covers of our novelizations.
91. Nor is Thelia.
92. Or Kelly.
93. Don't get Nathan's hopes up that they do nude work.
94. Kellias is not to constantly be asked if she was the model for "Eye of the Wolf."
95. Do not constantly hit her up for details about the Colonel's sex life.
96. Do not demean the details if you do.
97. Kelly does not switch her eyepatch when you turn around.
98. Brella, you are not a cajun dwarf.
99. The Mror Holds are not your personal potty.
100. Thermonuclear hand grenades do not exist in any genre except Paranoia.
101. Kael does not know Victoria Ceres.
102. Or work for Helsing.
103. His last name is not Alucard.
104. And he's not going to fight Vampire Nazis.
105. ...unless we meet the Emerald Claw.

Marie: SO you...uhhh...

Brella: Keep having to find new things to keep amused!

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SilvercatMoonpaw 07-22-07 08:22 AM

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Charles Phipps (Post 13151766) 56. Sex cannot be used as a medium for "influence reactions."

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107. Addendum to 56: No matter what the Book of Erotic Fantasy says. 108. In fact that book is banned. 109. Especially quoting the part about elves being horny bastards.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Charles Phipps (Post 13151766) 86. Your dying words are not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur"

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Citizen who can read, but not well enough to do it silently: …not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur."

• CRACK BOOM!*

Charles Phipps 07-22-07 09:16 AM

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Re: [FF spin-off] The Shadow over Cyre

The School of Paladins 75 years ago

Prothan Ir'Vemel stared at the various prospects for those to admitted to the elite Academy of Blood. King Kaius' Champion stared at them all with blistering contempt. A few of them were those survivors of the merciless purge of the Dol Arrah worshippers that King Kaius had conducted. The Templars had been largely wiped clean during the initial war and scattered across the four winds of Karrnath. Others were those just attracted by the smell of power. Most were just pathetic and unworthy to learn the secrets of Blood Magic.

Prothan: Alright scum, I've wasted enough time here today.

Dwarf: No Lord, please! Give us another chance to join the great ranks of the Dread Order!

Elf Woman: Let us show you we can become Knights of Bone!

Human Male: Anything you wish, master.

Cassius was silent as he stared at the others who'd heard there was a way to recover their lost honor. He felt ashamed being here amongst the servants of the hated King Kaius but he'd grown sick of seeing the other nations send legion after legion after them. The Sovereign Host had been blackened in the past few years to the point that it utterly disgusted the bastard Prince. His nation was more important to him than the goddess he'd renounced. There were also said to be other Paladins who'd joined this new order.

Prothan: Alright, one last question. Suppose that you find a group of enemies on the ground that have killed your people and the people of Karrnath. I order you to spare them. What do you do?

Dwarf: Of course, obey you milord.

Elf Woman: Orders are absolute milord.

Human Male: The chain of command must be preserved.

Cassius: Kill you for a weakling.

Everyone looked shocked at Cassius then backed away from him as if he was mad. Prothan stared at him with a smile as if it was an unexpected but welcome answer.

Prothan: Explain.

Cassius: The rules of war are but the sad creation of a group of poets and bards that have trapped warriors in foolish romantic ideals about war. There is Victory and the only true victory is through total submission or destruction of one's enemies. Anything created by truce or promises or bargaining is nothing but dross illusion. You must be harder than the enemy. Hard enough to do whatever it takes to win.

Prothan: That is a Bone Knight's answer. Now what do I do with these?

Cassius: Individuals like these seek fame and glory. They are uninterested in destroying the enemies of Karrnath. For that, the only penalty worthwhile is death.

Prothan: Kill them then.

Cassius drew his sword and only seconds later, all three were bloody smears on the ground. It brought him a sense of pleasure and strength to his life after the horrors of the earlier purge.

Prothan: Welcome to my Academy, student.

Metrol Present Day

After disembarking the airship, the Colonel went looking for someone to help guide them towards the secret Temple of the Speakers.

Cultist: GRA....urrkkk......

Cassius: I didn't quite hear that. What?

Cultist: There's a secret entrance through the river?

Cultist: Splendid.

Cassius finished strangling the Orkus cultist with one hand raising him above his head.....and he the dropped the body unceremoniously.

Cassius: He also said there was also a prisoner of some kind nearby. Let us try and help him.

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