The London Trumpet - Victorian Broadsheets

"For all the news that's fit to print! - Across the Empire here the Trumpet's call!! - Long live the Queen."

Friday, August 31, 1888

XLII, Vol. 1 - COVER - Friday, August 31, 1888

XLII, Vol. 1 - REVERSE - Friday, August 31, 1888

XLII, Vol. 1, #1: In this week's paper...

• HEADLINE ARTICLE:
  MENACE to MANKIND! An unknowable Spyder-man haunts the city --(by Jameson)

As if not diluted enough, our citizens now must contend with what could only be an insane asylum escape who's turned himself into a beast that could be eating our children like flys in his disgusting nest. It's a menace to all of the Empire, not just London proper. Should this imbecile’s lunacy spread through the disease his eight-legged carcass carries Paris might see a six foot Ant-man, our African empirical brothers may see Panther-men, even fair Dublin might be tainted with Lizard-men or far far worse. What will you do London, when this masked mangy man spins his web onto your son or daughter taking them into his gullet? What will you do when our fare streets are clogged with his villainous webs? What will you do when this monster invades your home with his poison? I ask you London, help to save our city from the unknowable threats before they become all too known and we are overtaken.

• ARTICLE:
  TRUMPET UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT - Moriarty partners with Fireheart to buy Paper --(by Bostwich)

Businessman and Professor J. Moriarty returned to Mother England from his time of discovery abroad last week and in a flurry of high level trade deals have secured controlling interest in London's premier paper of note. Moriarty announced plans to join with former controlling owner Fredrick Fireheart to continue the paper's reputation for investigative "hot off the press" reporting. Moriarty was heard commenting, “I have no intention of playing a different tune with the Trumpet, and Publisher Jameson shall remain at the helm with his strong staff of professionals. All will hear our trumpet's call from Dublin to the Rainbow Bridges of Asgard!" When speaking with the paper's staff, there is mixed feelings that traditionally come with such ownership change but all hold Professor Moriarty's reputation as a traveling statesman in high regard. One newsie was heard saying, "I expect big news to come from this Moriarty chap, he's certainly a genius of industry no matter what his newspaper credentials."
This reporter has high hopes but shall remain ever vigilant to the news. For that you can count on London!

• ARTICLE:
  PRIME MINISTER TO FIX EMPIRE? - Royal Navy in disrepair, says Lord Gyrich --(by Urich)

Lord Henry-Peter Gyrich, 3rd Marques of Salisbury openly chastised his House of Lords and Parliament for allowing the British Royal Navy for falling into such disrepair. Lord Gyrich, longtime supporter of bolstering the Navy and other clandestine military and peacekeeping enterprises such as 'Her Majesty's Men (the Imperials), is causing quite a disagreement within the Liberal Party. It is told that his care is so great that he has threatened his resignation should a vote of censure over military supplies come to hand. With his status Gyrich is one of only two persons in the Empire (second only to the Queen) who has effected the state of the military and previous incarnations of the proud Imperials on such drastic consequence. The Prime Minister oversaw the last months of the last incarnation of the Imperials team activities, until he forbade them to go on the mission that hoped to help Captain John Carter, but instead doomed the team. Gyrich also took part in the Parliament investigations involving the Imperials which claimed they were threats to the state's security. When the investigation was over, Parliament gave the Imperials new guidelines to follow. Gyrich also formed the Commission on Men of Renown Activities, the oversight body on activities of such individuals across the Empire; there, he was part of the team that forced Union Jack to resign as symbolic hero to the crown. The Prime Minister's new project is Stratagem: Wide-awake, a project of Parliament commission designed to deal with the problems concerning indigent Men of Renown across the Empire.
Secretary of the Navy and former collegiate Professor Nathanial Osborne has answered the Prime Minister's call by noting that he will be forming dedicated think tank to discuss future solutions with a mandate on saving the Queen's outreach. Osborne had this to say, “I am but Her Majesty's humble servant, England will not topple in my stead".

• ARTICLE:
  BRITISH COAST SEAS RISING - Unseasonable waves crash down across Europe's coastal regions --(by Berino)

Reports continue to flood in from across the outreaches of the Empire. Oceanographers and Sea Captains alike have noted the increased activity of the seas and shorelines along the beaches of Britain and our European boarder nations. Colonists begin plans to weather these strange unseasonable rises in waves, moving inland in some areas as some settlements and cities consider the need for levies should the tides increase.
Since the turn of the new year these ever-increasing tides have grown in size and frequency, slow at first as not previously noticed. However studies of bays and even inland rivers such as the Thames have indicated that the concerns seem justified. The tidal basins of the Thames have risen an astonishing three inches since measured on the last harvest. Professor Richard Reeds had this to add, “The proportions of such an event are not merely limited to the British Empire, and the implication could be a variety of effects from volcanic activity to underwater seismic instability. The vast depths of the ocean remain our most unexplored region on the face of the planet. Little confirmed detail can be known, it is this that may only lead to the hypothetical nature of postulation. I believe..."
For further details on Professor Reed's theories of life and exploration beneath the sea please attend his symposium entitled: 'Earth, the Marvel Beneath Us', being held at the London Opera House, Sunday, April 8th at 12noon.
For now this reporter can only say that we believe this season to be bountiful due to the rise in water levels that will aid irrigation efforts among the lowlands across Britain. Make our vegetables ship shape and bristol fashion farm friends!

• ARTICLE:
  MAN RIDES LIGHTNING! - Execution by Modern Means --(by Bunsen)

Sad may the news be for the Creed family, however for men of science this shall be an event of the new age of technology! At 9 p.m. April 13th all of London may see the sparks fly as the Empire's first execution by electricity takes place.

The Isle of Man Prison atoll is the site of the convicted felon’s demise next week. The high courts sentenced Victor Creed to death by electrocution one month ago. Creed was captured following the slaying of thirty-five fellow factory workers in the Limehouse Fisk-Cavendish factory, in which his testimony was, "hells yeah I killed'um, an' you'd be dead too had I got to ye, yah bloody..." Creed was said to be "fed up" with his unfair wages in the sweatshop where his father and father's father had worked for so many years. Therapist Leonard Samson diagnosed Creed post-internment as "a bloodthirsty sociopath seeking only to fulfill his animalistic urges". Lord Roderick Kelly, senior Member of Parliament, summed up Creed's conviction in a statement, "It is simple. He is not a man, he is an animal. It is come a day for the dawn of humanity among these Darwin-tainted fools, fever swept to destroy the lives of not only thirty-five men but thirty-five families. He deserves to die a coward's death rather than be shown out in a limelight fashion such as the execution chair. A disgrace to humanity."
For whatever your leanings regarding the death of Mr. Creed, we wish those left behind his victims to a safe and happy week's end as this murderer meets his maker. Many scientists and diplomats shall be on hand to witness the event. Seats of special invitation to the event are being auctioned Friday morning, should a morbid curiosity take hold of you.

• ARTICLE:
  SCOTLAND YARD FLOURISHES FROM THE CRIMEAN WAR - A new operative to route out London's seedy element --(by Barney)

Following his return from the Crimean War a young sergeant has been issued an elevated status within Scotland Yard as a special operative on crime. Sgt. Francis Kasteel has joined the policing units and become a new husband and father to be all in the space of his first three month return home following his stint in the war. Returning out of the heart of darkness and into the uniform of Her Majesty Queen Victoria's investigative branch, Kasteel brings an Englishman's tenacity with a knowledgeable mastery of modern weapon logy learned on expedition and study in the American west. Bringing honorary US Marshal status, this man of England hopes to fill the penitentiaries of London with the criminal element. When asked about his methods, Kasteel replied in true secretive fashion... "No comment."

• ARTICLE:
  THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME! - Prussian donates 23 new species to Museum --(by Berino)

London's premier Science Museum on Exhibition Road, South Kensington, a part of the National Museum of Science and Industry has had an astounding influx of exhibit donations thanks to the estate of Prussian Gamesman Sergei Kravinoff. Kravinoff, known for his daring trips into the darkest reaches of the globe, has petitioned for purchase of one of London's brownstone estates just a stroll down from Parliament. The hunter invited Museum directors the rare opportunity to view his personal collection on his Welsh estate on the moors of Baskerville. On their return Kravinoff valeted twelve carriages to return for the donations made.
The exhibition, said to house mammals from the past previously unseen, opens next month. A reception and special 'sneak peak' into the species from history will be given to our Prussian Ambassador this next Saturday evening, April 7th. For guest reservations by special invitation only please contact the Science Museum.

• ARTICLE:
  LONDON'S KINGPIN OF CRIME! - Allegations on the self-proclaimed Industrialist --(by Amos)

"Fat, bloated and full of himself..." said an unnamed London industry leader, in reference to Wilson Fisk-Cavendish of Fisk-Cavendish Enterprises. It has long been rumored that the highly successful capitalist is nothing more than a wart on England's commerce, offering nothing back to his community nor providing the jobs that rivals Starkweather, Osborne and Roxxon offer to London denizens. Many believe that this so-called "Kingpin" of London is nothing more than a crook promoted to his lofty positions by bullying and murdering his way to the top. Mr. Fisk-Cavendish has never been one to make statements to the press, and who would believe it if he did, some would think. It is known all too well by this very paper's Editor-in-Chief that a one Lonnie Thompson, a.k.a. 'Tombstone', has been on 'The Industrialist's' payroll for years. The same Tombstone that is the alleged hit man and mobster enforcer. It is neither this reporter's inclination to postulate on said lies nor promote that a man of means and power would commit criminal acts to raise his company's profit margin - however, as the paper of note within the Empire we maintain our difference to that of the Fisk-Cavendish owned rag 'the (London) Times'. One must ask ourselves what kind of business can one maintain when even their factory workers rebel in defiant protest such as that of one Victor Creed, who slew nearly three dozen of his co-workers in one of the Fisk-Cavendish sweat-shops in the dirty Limehouse district. "I can't see how Wilson will bring his reputation out of the gutter," said London local “what's born and bred in the gutter thrives there like a weed. He's no good I tells ya!"
Shall Fisk-Cavendish rally to this call? Will we hear word from his lofty sewer-soaked pedestal? This reporter waits for your curtain call Mr. Fisk-Cavendish...

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Sunday, September 9, 1888

XLII, Vol. 1, #2: In this week's paper...

• HEADLINE ARTICLE:
  RIPPER - RED LIGHT KILLING TOO MUCH FOR THE POLICE? --(by Jameson)

One must ask oneself – how is it Scotland Yard, or mayhaps the simpletons at the London Police force are so incompetent as to have this new “Bloody Jack” taunting their blind investigations with such a dreadful letter – brought to you here exclusively from the Trumpet, the only paper of renown!!
More to follow as events unfold.

Dear Boss,
I keep on hearing the police have caught me but they wont fix me just yet. I have laughed when they look so clever and talk about being on the right track. That joke about Leather Apron gave me real fits. I am down on renowns and I shant quit ripping them till I do get buckled. Grand work the last job was. I gave the renown no time to squeal. How can they catch me now. I love my work and want to start again. You will soon hear of me with my funny little games. I saved some of the proper red stuff in a ginger beer bottle over the last job to write with but it went thick like glue and I cant use it. Red ink is fit enough I hope ha. ha. The next job I do I shall clip the renowns ears off and send to the police officers just for jolly wouldn't you. Keep this letter back till I do a bit more work, then give it out straight. My knife's so nice and sharp I want to get to work right away if I get a chance. Good Luck.
Yours truly
Ripper
Dont mind me giving the trade name

PS Wasnt good enough to post this before I got all the red ink off my hands curse it No luck yet. They say I'm a doctor now. ha ha.

• ARTICLE:
  Streets of London Not Safe --(by Urich)

Requests for an increase in the number of officers patrolling the streets of London has been called for by several high ranking members of Parliament. This requests coincides with a recent attack on Professor Bruce Banner one of Scotland's most respected Historians. The Professor was recently discovered wandering the streets of London, sources saying that the Professor was dazed, confused and lacking much in the way of attire. The Professor himself was not available for comment as he has recently left for Gibraltar to recuperate.

• ARTICLE:
  American Evangelist predicts Apocalypse! - Self styled Adam Warlock says Day of Doom at hand! --(by Berino)

Colonials will believe anything, won't they? America has produced a number of home grown prophets. In the wilds of Utah, few are stranger than the man known as Adam Warlock. What his original name is, is anyone's guess, but the declared Messiah has such outlandish claims as having been born fully grown and possessed of a body of what the 'Unsullen Man' looked like. It's easy to see why the uneducated frontiersmen would believe it for Adam is a pretty sight with his golden skin and hair. While I wasn't able to see much of his faith healings or ability to cast out demons, I did get to hear some of his bizarre predictions for the future. In the words of the bizarre man "An ancient evil rests beneath our waves! Sleeping horrors untold in strange eons with the power to strip our planet clean of all life! An evil as ancient as dread Cthon or the horrid Shug-Niggarauth! Only the gemstone of power can banish it!" He even set a specific date for three months in the future. Somehow, I think that he's going to look very foolish when the world doesn't end.

• ARTICLE:
  Famed actor's brother arrested! - Erik Williams pleads innocent to embezzlement --(by Barney)

Erik Williams has always been something of the overshadowed brother to his handsomer, more talented, and more successful brother. Whereas Simon Williams is the heir to the William's fortune and a star of stage, Erik Williams has been unable to graduate beyond middling reviews and mostly served at the sufferance of his brother. Erik's only role of note was to play the part of Death in a series of Edgar Allan Poe adaptations. Given the questionable company that Erik keeps, lower class ruffians and harlots, it’s no wonder that got caught with his hand in the till. Charged with taking leave of 30,000 pounds sterling, Erik is likely to spend much of his life behind bars or be exported from this country to a life better than he deserves. Like the criminal scum that he is, Mister Williams pleads his innocence of all charges.
Simon Williams response was noticeably despondent with his stunned reaction being "I....can't believe they decided Erik did it." Mister Williams was looking dashing that day, despite his mood, with a hand tailored new suit and several bright diamond pieces of jewelry for his latest lady friend.

• ARTICLE:
  Britain to win Space Race! - Doctor Reeds does it again! --(by Urich)

Doctor Richard Reeds has long been considered Britain's greatest mind for a reason. Now, he has begun designing a device that will change mankind's future forever in the Space Cannon! Ever since Jules Verne put Doctor Reed's theories down into his book 'From the Earth to the Moon', people have treated the pursuit with serious success. Most notable has been the French scientific group the Society for the Advancement of Ideas and Mechanics. Doctor Reed's claims his space gun is likely to be ready in several months. The work has not been without tragedy as Doctor Reeds’ partner Victor Von Dumas was hideously wounded in one of their early experiments with the device in Cambridge. An accident that lead to the latter’s expelling from the venerable institution and return to native Transylvania. Well, good riddance to bad rubbish, as Reeds has certainly carried on well without him. Doctor Reeds has more on his mind than space though since he is soon to be married to one of London's most proper socialites in Miss Suzanna Stormweather.

• ARTICLE:
  STARKWEATHER LOOMS LARGE - Lord of Industry shows his colors --(by Lumley)

Sweet success strikes Starkweather Industries again this season! Said to have been inspired by Lady Janette Van Dye, AKA. “the Whipsful Wasp”, Starkweather has released a new fabric from his textile factories to the world this spring, and the world cannot have enough. A revolution in the textile industry and manufacturing in general, these oriental inspired designes, seek to capitalize on the next generation of technology of fashion. Leading the charge from Paris to New York, Starkweather is quilting the Empire and beyond with an intricately laid pattern of mosaics in fabric. This reporter had the good fortune to be sneaked into the textile tyrannosaurus factories over a garden party weekend in the company of Britain’s own Anthony Starkweather himself, fashionable playboy and oriental interested eccentric. What my eyes were amazed to witness was the lack of laborers! That's right true believers, in the modern age all one needs to thrive in industry is a stack of holely cards. Some of our lesser educated audience might think me misspelling "holy", mistaken for a religious artifact among the looms of Starweather Industries but that is not the case dear friends. Let me explain. Shown to me by Henry "Hank" Pym, Starkweather’s chief advisor (and amateur inventor), the mechanized machinery that barely resembles your grandmother's loom of yesteryear are controlled by a series of computerized cards, or “Pym-Papers”, driven by a customized Babbage Engine lovingly referred to by Pym as his "ultra-mechanism". It is unknown to this report just how those paper punched cards wake the machinery into a flurry of fabrication, but it works like a clockwork engine of design. Starkweather has released note that the next fashion trend will be completely divined by the power of the future - contesting this contraption will coordinate the textile fashion design patterns as a part of the intricate programming. The final product: Each piece being an original work created in the world's finest silks, thanks to exclusive rights purchased from Starkweather’s Eastern journeys. Even the New World Colonies are hungering for their first 'Starweathers'. One American Rockefeller lady of note remarked, "I've ordered three dozen, they're to die for!" Will this be the new trend in world domination through fashion? You heard it here first London!

• ARTICLE:
  THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME! - Prussian donates 23 new species to Museum --(by Berino)

London's premier Science Museum on Exhibition Road, South Kensington, a part of the National Museum of Science and Industry has had an astounding influx of exhibit donations thanks to the estate of Prussian Gamesman Sergei Kravinoff. Kravinoff, known for his daring trips into the darkest reaches of the globe, has petitioned for purchase of one of London's brownstone estates just a stroll down from Parliament. The hunter invited Museum directors the rare opportunity to view his personal collection on his Welsh estate on the moors of Baskerville. On their return Kravinoff valeted twelve carriages to return for the donations made.
The exhibition, said to house mammals from the past previously unseen, opens next month. A reception and special 'sneak peak' into the species from history will be given to our Prussian Ambassador this next Saturday evening, April 7th. For guest reservations by special invitation only please contact the Science Museum.

• ARTICLE:
  SCOTLAND YARD FLOURISHES FROM THE CRIMEAN WAR - A new operative to route out London's seedy element --(by Barney)

Following his return from the Crimean War a young sergeant has been issued an elevated status within Scotland Yard as a special operative on crime. Sgt. Francis Kasteel has joined the policing units and become a new husband and father to be all in the space of his first three month return home following his stint in the war. Returning out of the heart of darkness and into the uniform of Her Majesty Queen Victoria's investigative branch, Kasteel brings an Englishman's tenacity with a knowledgeable mastery of modern weapon logy learned on expedition and study in the American west. Bringing honorary US Marshal status, this man of England hopes to fill the penitentiaries of London with the criminal element. When asked about his methods, Kasteel replied in true secretive

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???, ???, 1888

XLII, Vol. 1, #3: In this week's paper...

• ARTICLE:
   ??? --(by ?? )

 ???

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The TRUMPET STAFF

Owners: Fireheart & Moriarty

Publisher: J. Jones Jameson

Administrative: Betsy Brant

Editor-in-Chief: Joseph Robertson

Photographers: Edmund Brocker, Pieter Parkure, Cole Cooper

Reporters: Tom Amos, Ben Urich, Ron Barney, Michael Berino, Philip Bostwich

Gossip Columnist: Miriam Birchwood

Fashion Editor: The Heiress - Lady Janette Van Dyne

Fashion Columnist: Judy Lumley

Entertainment Editor: Arnold Sibert

Sports Columnist: Eugene "Flash" Thompson

Science Editor: Isabel "Izzy" Bunsen

Men of Renown Columnist : Jessica Jones

Obituary Writer: Dilbert Trilby

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AGE OF WONDERS - "The IMPERIALS"