Editing Thoughts on insanity of family.

Finally a moment for herself Alex starts to write. Last time it helped as well. Getting order to her thoughts. 

"Perhaps it was something Arlo said. He had helped me regain my red hair... i asked him does it suit me? He answered with, it does it is your nature.
That gave me pause. After that Arlo was send away by Darcy and he and i got to talking. That sentence kept ringing through my mind. It is your nature....
My nature, my family. Brand is my father.... Brand the one that came quite close to destroying everything. Brand who still isn't fully stable but probably never was. 
My mother a shade version of Deirdre but still very much Deirdre.. so also family though from another shadow. 
The royal family, here and there regarded as gods. Not strange, as most do posses awesome powers and abilities. 
Is it in our nature to be the godlike creatures? Do we carry such responsibility and accountability within us... or does it all just seem like a big game. 
The people those not of the family only pawns and sometimes only blades of grass to be trampled on. 
We calls us to order? 
As a trained elite i was taught to serve the family to serve Amber.. but also question orders. Though question orders within limits. 
And what could one do against a god like being? 
When will the next one step up with perhaps the best intentions but clearly wrong ways or motivations... 
What will.happen then. Who will die from that? What worlds will.be destroyed? 
Is it in my nature to go after my father's ways as well? Are people within reason to be warry of me? 
Is it like Random said. Only time till one meets insanity as well? That it's a fase we go through as those god like beings.
It bothers me. And worries me. And it makes me warry of myself. 
Who will call me to order? Will those in the family even see that order? I feel i can better rely on those not of the family, friends i've made... 
Well i just thought myself a headache time to stop. Perhaps i continue this train of thought at a later point. "