Editing Three Way Street

<span style="color:#800000"> '''''Andy and Kim started this one off and let me play with them.  Thanks you two!--Maer.'''''</span> <br> <br>




Joshua walked from the captain’s office space and headed down the hall towards the engine room at the opposite end of the newly named the ''Exeter'', aka the ''Panteleimon'', aka the ''Ion''. If Rick was still here, Joshua thought, he’d be ribbing Joshua endlessly about how all the name changes must mean the ship was cursed.<br><br>

Cursed or not, the ship really was “the shiny,” as Rina would say. Top of the line computer systems and equipment, a bridge four times the size of the ''Gift''’s old cockpit, and a modular passenger cabin system. But walking past the doors, propped open with random pieces of equipment, he was quickly reminded of the ship’s flaws. Door to the new Botany Bay space? Wedged open with a garden spade. The auxiliary cargo bay? A spanner wrench. Not a single door left closed due to the glitch-filled security system making it near impossible to open them. Including that of the head, Joshua noticed as he passed by. They were going to have to find a way to fix at least '''those''' doors before heading back into the Black.<br><br>

When he entered the engine room door, Kiera was exactly where he had hoped she would be, serving as Rina’s all-purpose assistant. Kiera sat cross legged on the floor, a cross-section of the engineer’s tools spread across her lap and on the floor in front of her. Rina herself was flat on her back under the engine, calling out for tools as she needed them. Kiera was handing a small black wrench like tool to Rina when Joshua called out.<br><br>

“Rina,” he said loud enough to make sure she’d hear him underneath the tons of metal, “I’m borrowing your assistant for a few minutes. I’ll bring her back.”<br><br>

And without waiting for a reply, Joshua turned to Kiera. “I’d like to talk with you for a few minutes, please,” his tone of voice indicating he really didn’t consider the request optional.<br><br>

---<br><br>

Her eyebrows raised and then lowered, her surprise clear on her face. She carefully put the lapful of tools down and rose to her feet. "Aye, captain," she retorted smartly and then more gently, "Rina, I'll be back. Be careful under there." She then gave Joshua her full attention, an eyebrow again perked high. Gesturing towards the door, she said, "After you."<br><br>

---<br><br>

He walked out of the engine room and down the short flight of steps through the propped open door (ping pong paddle) into the Crew Lounge. He walked over to the round table in the corner and pulled away one of the plastic chairs. He flipped the chair around backwards as he sat down in it, leaning forward to rest his crossed arms on the back of the chair. He casually motioned for her to take another chair.<br><br>

After she sat down, Joshua looked over at her. She had that semi-permanent smirk of hers on, the one Joshua now associated with a general indifference to other people's concerns. Probably unfair, he thought, but then again, so was Nika losing her vision. His sympathy meter did not ping very high for Kiera these days. In fact, he really hadn't talked to the redhead much since she had gotten out of the hospital. He had gone in for a couple of days once she had gotten out and since that point, he had quite a bit piled on his plate. With taking on the captain's duties temporarily until Nika's vision recovered, planning for their eventual departure had fallen to him. Which, he reckoned, brought him to the current moment in time.<br><br>

"Hard to miss that you've been helping out Rina a lot. Just helping a lot with ship cleanup and preparation. And it's appreciated." He meant it. With Arden busy with Nika and Rina busy with the engines and her ongoing crusade against the smart ship systems, it had left only him to do anything else necessary. But it seemed Arden was pretty sure they were going to need a real specialist and that meant the Core. And the Core meant a trip and a trip meant figuring out what everyone's new roles were on this shiny new ship. "But I need to know. What are your plans, Kiera? Have you scrubbed enough floors and handed off enough tools to feel you've done right by the crew? Or do you feel the need to ship with us for a while longer?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

She studied him coolly, leaning back in the chair. His tone had changed and so had the man. Subtle, but changed. Kiera crossed her arms, the classic defensive posture, and took a long breath. "It ain't up to me to decide when I've done right by you all. I'll ship with you if you'll have me." Her mouth quirked for a moment in her own private joke. After all the expenses and the first terse response from her father, she wasn't gonna have a credit to her name or a way to get one for some time. She needed a job. Again, she studied him, dark and slender, his face and eyes not so young as they had been before. When the first rumors of him being captain had surfaced, she had thought it an amusing idea. Now, gauging what sat before her, she was beginning to believe that her reaction needed some changing.<br><br>

---<br><br>

He motioned his head towards the engine room. "You and Rina, it's clear, have made up or at least agreed not to kill each other." Rina, in fact, had told him that she had forgiven Kiera fairly quickly. She hadn't want to hold that kind of anger forever, not feeling it was any use. He was rubbing off on her. And by the way he felt the hard edge enter his voice whenever he talked to Kiera, Rina was rubbing off on Joshua as well.<br><br>

"Have you talked with Nika? With Arden?" He, in fact, knew she had talked with Nika. He had heard the conversations about the shouting match between the two of them and Nika had told him that the two of them had come to some sort of agreement. He hadn't pushed for details - forgiveness (or a lack thereof) was a private matter between two people and none of his business.<br><br>

Arden was another matter. Kiera had betrayed the crew, something that Arden took very personally. Not that Joshua blamed him for that. He wasn't sure where exactly Nika and Arden stood these days, but it was clear to Joshua that Arden was still head over heels in love with Nika. With Kiera being ultimately responsible for his love's loss of vision, if Kiera wanted to stay, something would have to be worked out between the two of them, if it hadn't already.<br><br>

---<br><br>

The smirk vanished as her head quirked sideways. She had been watching him, studying him. Now all her attention was on his eyes, hers locking to his. "I'm surprised that you didn't hear us," she answered. "So yes, I've talked to Nika. I haven't tried to pin Arden down.   I know when a man has death in his eyes. I'm fairly certain that he doesn't want to see me now at all." She forced a smile, but it was a brittle one. "Can't say that I blame him. But I plan to talk to him." She leaned forward, releasing her arms to rest them on her knees. "But now is you, isn't it?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

"I just need to know you can follow orders, Kiera," he said with a smooth surety, his eyes not leaving hers. "What I feel or don't feel doesn't matter. If you ship on board the ''Exeter'', it'll be as crew, with all the benefits (few) and responsibilities (many) that it entails. No more of this half assed - crew when it suits you, passenger when it doesn't." More precisely, crew when she wanted to get paid, passenger when she wanted to avoid taking responsibility for her actions.<br><br>

"So I just need to be sure that you can follow the captain's orders, whether that's me during this temporary stint or Nika when she's back in charge. Is that going to be a problem?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

"No." She sighed, her gaze turning inward for a moment before her eyes fell on his again. "I can't pay you as a passenger anymore, Joshua. The payment for this month is the last. If I ride with you, it's as crew."<br><br>

---<br><br>

That was interesting. Where had her family money gone? Then he shook away the thought. Curiosity could potentially lead to sympathy which could lead to caring and he was in no mood to care about Kiera Sullivan these days. ''But'', that annoying little inner devil's advocate countered, ''if you're going to be Captain, you at least have to be able to treat the crew with respect. Including her''.<br><br>

Fat chance, he thought. She had made it abundantly clear that his role with her was not that of a friend, their relationship one of trust and respect. Friendship had only led to torture and ruin. And by her confession on Meadow, she blamed him (and Rina) for her actions and betrayal. And that was fine. That was his job as the Captain, right? To take all the blame, deserved or not? He might not get to play at being Captain for long, but hell's bells if he wasn't going to do it right while he had the chance.<br><br>

"I was actually thinking of having you serve as steward." He felt a little twinge at the back of his head as he said. He had come on the board the ''Gift'' and been allowed to take over the role. Even giving it up voluntarily, the loss of that part of his identity stung.<br><br>

Joshua quickly continued, "I'd still probably do cooking for the crew, and maintain Botany Bay." And gorram if he was going to hand the finances over to her. "But if we take on passengers, I'm not going to be able to play both roles. Not very well, anyway."<br><br>

---<br><br>

Her mouth opened in spite of itself. "Me? Steward?" The laugh was immediate and merry. "Really? And you captain." She took in another deep breath and let it out slowly, savoring the moment. "It's a mad, mad world now, isn't it Joshua?" Kiera nodded to herself and then to him. "Well, then steward I am. I know a bit about people's comfort. I can even make a line of soaps and lotions distinctive to the ship. And I can cook. Chef taught me a bit about cooking before I left for school. You might be a bit busy as captain to cook as much as you have."<br><br>

Pausing, she swallowed and then asked, "I got a favor which you may be able to help me with now that you are captain.' Again, the pause. "Sir."<br><br>

---<br><br>

"As Nika might say," and he slipped into a precise imitation of her voice, drawl and all, "I ain't all that and a bag of chips, Kiera. No need for the sir in private. I hope you can still feel like you can call me Joshua when the spotlight isn't on." He had already started thinking of the captaincy as an odd sort of borrowing. It was a job, like any other and at some point he would have to give the role back. Besides, they weren't a military ship. Nika's rule seemed best to him. The title when it was needed.<br><br>

He had to admit, she had great big steel testicles asking him for a favor. After everything that had happened. But if she was bold enough to ask, the least he could do was listen. "So what can I do for you, Kiera Sullivan? Hopefully it doesn't involve me or the crew getting tortured or imprisoned." It was a cheap shot and probably uncalled for. He needed to be better than that.<br><br>

---<br><br>

"I'd rather call you sir until we can work out what happened and why," she answered coolly. "So that un-Joshua-like remarks like that don't bother me the way they would if I acknowledged that Joshua said them. Sir." The cat glitter in her eyes was back, but she quelled it with a firmness that he had never seen in her before and forced a smile. "I'd like your help to take Nika to a friend of mine. When I can find him. When I get the money from my father to pay him for the work I want him to do. No matter whose daughter I am, I can't move Nika up on the transplant lists any faster and it will be years before she's helped. And the man I know is the best eye surgeon outside of Sihnon and Londinium. Hell, from what I've seen, he's better than most anybody, period. Hannibal only works for cash and I've got to convince my father to send it, but he will. I've just got to accept a few conditions and he will sent it to me." She sat back against the chair again, her chin rising. "Arden won't wanna let it happen. He won't trust anything I say or request. But you've got to believe me. Hannibal Chu can help Nika and will if I ask him. I've just got to find him. Will you help me and not let Arden know that I had anything to do with it? Tell him whatever, that you had some memory awaked by Roskov about someone you worked with when you were with Blue Sun. But help me get Nika to Hannibal." Her lips pressed together and then she added, "Please."<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Fair enough," he said, as Kiera pointedly acknowledged his (now that he looked back at it) rather sharp and bitter sounding remark. They weren't friends any more. Didn't mean he had to be needlessly mean. It still just stung at him, the guilt she had laid at his doorstep. The fact that it probably '''did''' belong to him made it all the worse.<br><br>

He listened quietly as she detailed her request out - the money from her father and the surgeon. Somebody she had worked with? Almost certainly. Could they trust him? He didn't know right now, but that was the benefit of being a Reader. He could find out when the time came.<br><br>

He leaned back and straightened up a little, rubbing his forehead with his hand in thought. "Have you told Nika anything about this?" Joshua knew it sounded like he kept needing the actual captain's approval, but it wasn't that. Her eyes, her vision. And it just felt wrong lying to Nika about it. Especially lying about it in cahoots with Kiera. Lying to Arden didn't seem to bother him at all, but he pushed the realization to the back of his head. He didn't have time to deal with that now.<br><br>


---<br><br>

"No sir."<br><br>

---<br><br>

"You said his name was Hannibal Chu?" It was a good thing that Kiera wasn't his friend anymore, because he didn't Read his friends. And he needed to Read Kiera right now. With only taking his flomoxipan every three days now, he found it easier and easier to take in thoughts and emotions. If he wasn't carefully focused on keeping his mental door shut, sometimes it was too easy. But Joshua was focused now and he let himself slip into Kiera's mind in search of what the young doctor knew about Hannibal Chu.<br><br>

---<br><br>

''Gloved hands touching the last sutures on a face that looked nothing like it did before. The work was good, would heal clean. No chance of finding him again. A voice, male, muffled by a mask. "You done, Kiera? Look at the eyes. It's a good color. Went in easy." Fingers gently pull back the lids revealing eyes brown and clear, a flow of admiration tinged with a tiny jealousy. "Damn, wish I could do this Hannibal." Kiera's voice. A male laugh. "And I wanna be the artist you are on faces girl." Friendship, uneasy and yet close. Male voice. "You already got the cash?" Hers. "Before he went under. We can leave. He's got a friend coming to pick him up. He'll come out of the anethesia just fine. His vitals are strong." The gloves snap and then fuzziness. Guilt, greed, and pride. They did good work together.''<br><br>

---<br><br>

He pulled his mind back and shut the little wooden green door in his mind closed with a mental snap and click. So she wasn't lying about him and as far as he could tell, her intentions were truthful. He knew she was sorry for what she had done to Nika, at least. Helping her fix her eyes would probably go a long way towards making it right between the two of them. So in a strange way, Joshua thought, the unselfish act of helping Nika was also a selfish one to help Kiera feel better. And that realization made the decision easier.<br><br>

He nodded. "I'll do it, say that I had a memory of a client bubble up recently. On reduced dosage, my dreams have been odd enough to cover that. Up to you whether you tell Nika." But whether she did or not, the decision and the responsibility would be his. And he wasn't passing up on a real chance to give Nika back the Black.<br><br>

---<br><br>

"I'm not telling her sir." She was eyeing him again, but her face was neutral. "Ain't nobody on this ship other than Rina who wants anything from me. Not even you anymore really." Finally, something other than his face caught her attention; she eyed the sparse decoration of the crew lounge and did not look at him as she continued. "I know I drove you away, sir, and there is a giant universe of bitterness between us now. But I've gotta know. Why'd you keep at me? Why wouldn't you just let me deal with it on my own? Why'd you keep pushing? Why?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Because I cared," he said simply. "I'm not a Companion. I'm not an expert in emotional problem solving, Kiera. I did what I thought was right. You think it doesn't tear me at me that Nika lost her eyes because I offered to '''listen''' in a moment of a friendship?" His voice was getting louder, and he knew it was probably carrying down to the engine room. He swallowed hard and lowered his voice again.<br><br>

He stood up and walked over to the wall, leaning up against it. "If it makes you feel any better, now when I start to ask someone how they're doing, I start and then stop and keep my mouth shut. So you took that away from me. No more worries in that regard."<br><br>

---<br><br>

Her voice was clear although her words were soft. "Nika lost her eyes because she fell into toxic waste left by a madman, not because you aren't a Companion. I don't feel any better that you guard your concern about people; it's who you are and not being who you are is stupid. But you can sulk however you want to." There was silence and her voice was louder when she continued. "I am guilty of not telling any of you what Potemkin was planning and that is my fault. I should have. But I'm certain that he wouldn't have let me, so hell, it would have all happened anyway and I'd be dead or held prisoner somewhere by his goons. You all stole his ship and killed his brother. He wasn't gonna let the likes of me stand in his way. But we could all argue that all day. I will argue with you though. You did more than listen. You argued, you preached and you judged. I met a man who just listened. That ain't what you did, sir. You gave as good as you got. There was very little listening."<br><br>

---<br><br>

She ignored the fact that she had flown off the handle originally because of a simple question. And with the betrayal that had resulted from that argument she seemed so focused on, Kiera had taken something precious from him, something that he couldn't even put the right words to. And she referred to it as sulking! Gorram, Kiera infuriated him so much. And while some of it was an understandable white hot anger, most of it was a cold edged rage that he didn't like very much. Something else to thank her for, he supposed.<br><br>

"If your argument is, 'Well, it was going to happen anyway, so I figured I would cut bait and abandon the people who had given me their trust", then I think you're headed down the wrong path." Joshua's eyes narrowed coldly on her. "Especially if you're expecting to fly out on this ship."<br><br>

---<br><br>


'''Tuesday, 11 Nov 2521'''<br>
'''Durance class, ''Exeter'''''<br>
'''Johannsen/Earhart Ranch, Boros'''<br>
'''Georgia (Huang Long) system'''<br>
'''1000hrs, local time'''<br><br>

I heard Joshua’s tone and knew there was no arguing with it.  I patted Kiera’s trousered knee and pointed toward the engine room door: ''It’s okay. Go''.  I didn’t wait but kept on working, tracing a trunk line of the Smartship system where it ran through the engine.  First, to see ''where'' it went and then second, to see ''what'' it wired into.  Then and ''only'' then could I determine if it was safe to disengage.<br><br>

''Smartship, my ass.  Smart'''shit'' is more like it.  Go shi dierma piece’a crap…''<br><br>  

And so I went, laboriously inching my way through the innards of our engine.  I’d gone a yard, carefully taking notes and scribbling diagrams, when I thought to wonder where Kiera was.  Joshua knew what I was doing, he and I having discussed the task before I undertook it, and I was getting to the point I’d need help with something heavy.  My gut couldn’t do it alone—I needed Kiera’s arms and back on this as well.  I checked my watch.<br><br>  

''Almost half an hour. Huh. What’s taking them so long?''<br><br>

I slid out from under the engine by degrees, wincing as my midriff twinged.  The halberd had sliced my across my left flank twice and my right once.  Neither side of me appreciated the twisting it took to win clear.  I had to roll onto my stomach and push up to get off the deck.  Sitting up like a normal person would have hurt too much.  I got a knee under me and managed to stand.<br><br>

''Getting better.  Whaling the crap out of that pump didn’t do me any favors, but it felt good doing it at the time''. Not that I mentioned it to Joshua. He’d only give me that look.  ''Had enough of that to last me a while, thanks''.<br><br>

Now that I was upright, walking forward to wherever Joshua had taken Kiera was a piece of cake.  They didn’t go far.  The passenger lounge apparently suited Joshua’s purposes and as I came forward I heard his voice rising in anger.  I slowed my steps and caught Kiera’s response.<br><br>

''Oh, Christ.  This is got to stop.  Now''.<br><br>

“She’s telling you the truth.” I strode forward with some snap in my step and entered the lounge. “We’ve dealt with Byshek.  Nika and I dealt with Potemkin before we broke atmo out of Bernadette.  A ''Vor v’zakone'' will never tell you everything. It’s how they hook you and then they own you.”<br><br>

I stopped in front of him and looked him in the eye.<br><br>

“Don’t think for a minute that Kiera knew the whole story, not until it was too late.  It’s in keeping with Potemkin’s character to snare her for her talents.  Someone with her skills is worth their weight in gold for the money they could bring in via the faces they could change and the favors that would be owed.  What Mafiya boss ''wouldn’t'' want a doc like her under their thumb?  So of course he ''lied'' to her.  What else could he have done? Let her go free? So she could tell the authorities where he was? What he did?  ''Think''. What would it have netted him to let her go? Not a damned thing.  He trapped her and trapped her good.  She managed to turn the tables on him, cheat him of his victory by helping us defeat him. That’s not nothing. If it wins her free of him too, I say she’s earned it.”<br><br>

I was painfully aware of Kiera on the edge of my radar, glued to the wall at my six.  I didn’t dare give her a glance.<br><br> 

“I’m not saying she’s earned a free pass with us.  I’m saying she’s earned the right to make amends.  But that takes two, though.  I chose to give her that chance back on Meadow. What about you?”<br><br>

---<br><br> 

He looked at Rina with no small amount of surprise. Then he stared at Kiera and back at Rina and gathered himself. "I didn't ask for an apology. But if I'm going to be offered one, I would prefer it be sincere and not one that screams 'woe is me' to the high heavens."<br><br> 

He turned his gaze from Rina to Kiera. "You'll have your chance to make amends. And I'll treat you fair as a member of this crew. And given no evidence to the contrary, I'll trust you in that role. But you won't even acknowledge what you took from me and you certainly can't give it back to me, so you'll excuse me if I choose not to let myself care again."<br><br>

---<br><br>

Her eyes, pinned to Rina like an answer to a prayer, whipped to him. "What version of sorry are you looking for, sir? Which thing do you want me to tell you I'm sorry for? Nika told me that sorry didn't do no good and then railed at me for telling her I was sorry. I am sorry. Words won't convey what I feel, but nonetheless, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I make you all feel like I devalue your suffering. I don't, but I sure can't change the way you feel." She closed her eyes, taking a few breaths to find calm again. Her fists clenched and she put them to her mouth in frustration. "What," she asked finally, looking between the two lovers, "did I take from you? You're right, I can't give it back 'cus I don't know what I took."<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Joshua," I said, taking care to keep my tone free of any censure. As someone with a foot in both camps, I had a very fine line to tread. Thing was, the damned line kept shifting under me. "You once told me how no one can take anything from me unless I gave them the power to do it. That taking that power back was the path to independence from what they'd done to me." It was when we'd pulled the ''Victoria'' job and I'd felt particularly dirty for my part in it afterward. "Do you remember? Trading on my body? How I'd swore I'd never do it again? Does that ring any bells? So tell me how this is any different?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

"It doesn't matter," he said quietly. Being outnumbered had drained all the anger, like a wound being lanced. He forced himself to make a weak smile. "Probably for the best anyway. Made a better, stronger Joshua out of me. " His tone of voice strongly suggested that he didn't believe what he was saying. <br><br>

He walked over to Kiera and looking into her quietly said, "I won't apologize for trying to be your friend on the ''Gift'' and doing what I thought was the right thing to do. And I don't expect you to apologize for doing whatever it is you thought was the right thing. And maybe Rina is right, there was nothing to be done, you sticking with us would've changed nothing."<br><br>

Joshua shook his head as he made his way to the doorway leading back towards the front of the ship. "But I'm pretty sure we'll never be friends again, if we ever were in the first place. And '''that''' I'm sorry for."<br><br>

---<br><br>

The green eyes burned into his, the gut-punch of his statement hitting a nerve so raw that the pain beamed out before she could stop it. But the emerald glitter came, even as she trembled with the effort to control the bitter scream that was building inside her. "So be it, sir," she managed. "I am at your command. I live to serve." She inclined her head gracefully, as the servants of her homes had done, the Core breeding pulled to the fore from memories upon memories. Pushing from the wall, she smiled weakly at Rina. "Shall we go back to work?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Of course." I nodded, catching the glitter in her eyes and guessing its cause I added, "I'll join you in a minute."<br><br>

And with a wan smile I gave her a parting nod and followed Joshua.<br><br>

---<br><br>

He wanted to blame it all on the captaincy, but it didn't have anything to do with it, no matter how many sirs Kiera tried to include a single sentence. Kiera turned him around and upside down and every which way possible except the right way. And the fact that he was so stupid that he kept caring made him even more insane.<br><br>

Halfway down the hall, as Rina continued following him, he stopped, turned on his heel, and quickly spit out a curt, "Yes, Rina?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

''Here we go''.<br><br>

"I'm sorry. I've got a fence post up my frikkin' ass on this, but I chose to put it there and I'm sticking with it. I believe Kiera deserves the chance I'm throwing her but you're right—I have no authority to demand it of the rest of the crew. I just ...," I stopped, wanting to get the words just right. "It's very much a "There but for the grace of God go I”, Joshua. I did ... any number of things in the war, starting with being the beneficiary of an innocent woman's death for the sake of her identity. Unlike Kiera, I never got to see the results from that trigger pulled, never got to look at the wreckage it caused. Kiera did. And I want just one person, ''one'', to let her know they understand just how unenviable that position can be. Mike tried to explain it to me but I couldn't see it at the time. Now I do. My fault in all this was not having the sense to keep it private. I've dragged you into it and I am so very sorry to have done it. I hadn't the right. At least what happened back there was just between the three of us. I won't breathe a word of it and neither will Kiera. Your authority as Captain isn't compromised with the rest of the crew. I realize that may not be perfect, but it's the better than the alternative."<br><br>

I kept myself and my gaze away from him, trying not to use my relationship with him to undue advantage. Or any more than I already had. His being Captain instead of crew was going to change how I acted with him in public as I was fast coming to learn and what happened in the lounge was a perfect example of it.<br><br>

---<br><br>

A curt nod. "It's not like I really have to worry about my authority with the rest of the crew. Nika's the actual captain and Arden argues with everyone anyway." It was his authority with passengers that would be a concern, but he was pretty sure Rina understood that. Even if she didn't completely understand why Kiera just jangled every nerve he had. How could she when he didn't understand himself?<br><br>

He sighed and moved himself into her gaze. "Look, Rina, I understand why you're standing for her. But forgiveness is unique to each person and I'm not ready yet. But thankfully for her, I don't need to forgive her to give her a spot on board. I'm sure, the naive sucker that I am, I'll end up forgiving her at some point." He reached out and squeezed Rina's hand in reassurance. "You should get back to work and so should I."<br><br>

He walked a few steps down the hallway and then stopped to look back at Rina briefly. "But next time you're upset, and I'm not quite as quick to ask what's wrong, at least you'll know who to look at for a reason why." And with that, he headed back to the captain's office, to think about how he was going to sell the story of Hannibal Chu to the rest of the crew.<br><br>

---<br><br>

I didn't move or say anything to stop him. I simply let his words and tone sink in. I kept my gaze on the deck until I was certain he was safely out of sight before turning aft for engineering.<br><br>

I wasn't exaggerating when I mentioned being skewered on the fence over Kiera. I hadn't forgotten the promise I'd made that night in July, how if she ever did anything to put my crew in danger, I'd kill her slow. I couldn't ignore my rejection of revenge on Meadow. Vengeance was a weight and a burden I hadn't the strength to carry, it was a price I was unwilling to pay. I wasn't unaware how puzzling my stance must seem to the rest of the crew and I didn't have the first idea how to make it clear without making matters worse.<br><br> 

''One step at a time. One day at a time. Baby steps''.<br><br>

So thinking, I returned to engineering, there to join Kiera and any possible questions she might have for me. I hadn’t missed her expression when I came to her defense.<br><br>

"Sorry to keep you waiting," I said as I crossed the threshold, inexpressibly wearied by it all. "I'm about done but I'll need help getting that cover back on. It's heavy. Lend me a hand?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

Kiera nodded. "Thank you," she said simply after a moment. "Don't drive him away for me, little one. I tossed you out of the way of those monsters for a reason. I told you that I didn't wanna see him cry. I don't wanna cause the tears by being the thing you both clash over either. I'll get by. I don't need friends. I tend to be a bad friend. Now tell me where you want me to lift."<br><br>

---<br><br>

"You need friends if you can't be a good friend to yourself. But I'll keep what you said in mind." <br><br>

I gingerly sank to my knees before the engine and lowered myself to the deck before rolling over and getting under the engine again.<br><br> 

"That cowling over there," I pointed with my socket wrench. "It goes here but I can't hold it in place with my knees while I fasten it like I'd normally would." My gut would never take the compression without making me pay for it later. "I'll hold one end and screw. You hold the other. Make sense?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

Kiera nodded. ''Mad, mad world'', she thought to herself. ''Not where I thought I'd be when I walked into that bar on Newhope.'' She took hold as directed and smiled. ''Don't care what you say, Zeke. God has a wicked sense of humor''. And helpless to stop herself, Kiera began to laugh.<br><br>

---<br><br>

"What's so funny?" I gave my wrench another turn and glanced at Kiera.<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Just thinkin' that life is a twisted bitch." She let her watery eyes, already misted from before and now wet from mirth, twinkle at Rina. "I only went back to the ''Gift'' to rescue the money y'all had made. I didn't want Potemkin to take it. Had some idea of putting it in an account and let it earn interest for you while y'all went about cussing and getting the Gift back. I never saw any of this coming." She shifted to keep the pressure on the machine. "I thought I'd just drop y'all a message with the account code and be off on some other adventure." Her face got serious. "When I saw what was going on board the Gift, I was concerned. I got on with the mission intact, but when I was caught, that all went out the window. Don't think I'm a fallen angel, Rina. I didn't leave Ezekiel to go save you all. At the time, I didn't know what kind of danger you were in."<br><br>

---<br><br>

''Life was '''born''' a twisted bitch'', I thought the second she mentioned it and then sobered as I heard what she said next. ''She went back to save our assets if not our asses. Do the others know that?''<br><br>

"Wait a minute. Did you say ''Ezekiel''?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

Kiera frowned. "Yeah, why?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Tall, dark, and skinny? Glasses? Uses a cane?" ''On a quest from God to find Excaliber'', I didn't say. That would have been too freakish on top of everything else.<br><br>

---<br><br>

The frown deepened. "Yes," came the uncertain answer.<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Did he offer you any advice?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Claim what you do. If you are man enough to do the deed, then you are man enough to face the consequences. It was true. I couldn't argue with that." She smiled, her face soft for a moment. "He just listened to me as I talked, Rina. It's all I wanted. Someone who didn't care, who didn't pressure and most importantly, didn't judge."<br><br>

---<br><br>

Space is big, incredibly inconceivably big. Limitless.  Yet paradoxically it was also mindblowingly small.  Case in point—''Ezekiel''.<br><br>

''I’ll be damned.  Hello, Zeke.  Never thought I’d hear from you again but your timing, as always, is perfect''.<br><br>

“Yes, that sounds like his style.”  I tightened the bolt a last quarter turn and winced as the leverage inconvenienced my injuries.  I breathed as best I could past the stab and said, “Every once in a while the Universe throws someone special your way.  A catalyst, if you will.  Pay attention when that happens, Kiera.  It’s important.”<br><br>

---<br><br>

Kiera studied the wince and scowled. "Let me look at you when we're done. Those cuts were deep. I know; I've got some. But I'm not tearing the stitches like you are. And yes, I paid attention. I'm here, not there with him." The scowl turned to a sensuous smile for a moment. "Lord, I'd rather be there." She sighed. "But I'd be a worse person for it. I need to be here. Nika won't have a chance without a friend of mine. You've gotta make her listen to Joshua. He's agreed to help me get Nika to someone who can fix her eyes." The snort came, short and bitter. "Ain't too happy about it though. I fell into the black hole of Joshua's displeasure, didn't I?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

I took in her smile, noted the character of it, and wondered what happened between her and Zeke. ''None of my business, really. But I hope it was nice. He's a good kisser.'' I gave the engine cowling a smile and a pat, and liked to think I was giving Zeke's back the same in appreciation for his kindness to Kiera. Whimsical, perhaps, but I suspected a man on a quest such as his would have appreciated the whimsy. As for the rest of what Kiera said, my insides zapped me again, this time with hope and excitement. I had reckoned nothing but a total implant of a new pair of eyes would suffice and already mourned the loss of Nika's beautiful blue ones. I was an old hand at being injured in the line of duty and my injuries were nothing but a source of impatience and frustration. My friends' injuries, however, pained me far worse.<br><br>

"Fix her eyes? How?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

She blinked, her mind leaping to catch up with the change of subject. "I don't know," Kiera said honestly. She rubbed her temples, her fingers digging into the skin as she pressed hard. "It may be a transplant. He's brilliant. I just don't know. Arden and Nika won't let me look at her, so I don't know if there is nerve damage so bad that she will need a transplant or if it is just a matter of microsurgery repairs. But she'll see again. It's just a problem of finding Hannibal and negotiating my soul to my father."<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Is Hannibal normally hard to find?" I gently swatted her shoulder to indicate I needed to slide out and waited as she moved out of the way. I flipped through my mental list of contacts who might be able to help me locate someone on the run. The list was short, made shorter by the fact the Cortex no longer went as far as it used to. "Is he a fugitive?"<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Who knows?" came the bemused answer. "Hannibal Chu is an artist, but an artist who lives for cash. What we did together is what I tried to get you in on, Rina. Identity changes. I did the face, he did the eyes, he paid someone to change the paperwork and computer files. I didn't know who it was; he or she was even more reclusive than Hannibal. But shops like ours come together and fall apart quickly. Harder for the authorities to find us that way. I haven't run into him in a while. But if I can find him, there ain't no list that we have to pray Nika will have to wait on. There's only cash and I can provide that."<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Cash-only keeps everything off the grid. I get that." I didn't mention her attempt to get me into the papers business. That wasn't really relevant to the conversation even though I took careful note that Chu apparently had access to people to do that job for him. "So it's going to take time to find Chu. In the meantime, I was wondering if you could help me with something for Nika."<br><br>

Watching Nika and how she moved, how she acted with people, had given me an idea.<br><br>

---<br><br>

"Sure." The auburn eyebrows tried to meet. "But is that advisable? If you hadn't noticed, my name is mud around here lady."

---<br><br>

"Yeah," I snorted. "And if you haven't noticed, I'm sleeping with the Captain. That's got to be good for something."<br><br>

I slowly sat up, grabbing the engine for leverage. ''Ow''.<br><br>

---<br><br>

Kiera reached out to give her a hand. "Again, I am gonna look at those wounds if I have to wrestle you. And as for the captain's girl, I don't think Joshua's the kind of man to let sex befuddle his judgments or prejudices. Either that, or damn girl, I'm surprised that Mike didn't kidnap you. Talent like that would sure make the long nights on Miranda seem like heaven." She grinned, finally breaking out of her moroseness. "So what's your great plan? I'm kinda wary of Russians right now."<br><br>

---<br>

"Mike. Yeah." I looked away then back again. "Medbay's open. I think Arden and Nika are out seeing another doc. We should have it to ourselves."

I took her hand and pulled myself all the way up. I dusted off and led the way for'ard.

"As for the rest, nothing dangerous. I was just thinking that since it might be a while before Nika's able to see, I should try to make this place as easy as possible to get around in. I thought I could mount textured strips on the walls at hand height, so she can touch it and tell where she's going. Maybe even which corridor she's in, which deck. Her sense of touch is going to be working overtime, same thing for her other senses. Why not take advantage of that?"

We crossed the threshold to medbay and I sighed. Damn, that table's a long way off the deck. This is going to hurt.

---

As the little engineer placed her hands on the bed to jump up, Kiera caught her under the arms and partially lifted her into place. "Okay, shirt off," she commanded, ignoring the look. In here she was queen. Reaching into a drawer, she found a pair of latex gloves, snapping them on as she turned with an expectant eyebrow. "Strip to the undies. You ain't got nothing that I ain't got, including the scars and wounds." She waited, her hands held loosely away from her so that she didn't contaminate her gloves. "You could do different raised bumps, like squares on one floor, triangles and circles on the other decks. And maybe a rumble strip before the steps so that she knew to feel her way at before she hit the steps. What if we put a symbol on the doorway of each major room, one that she would recognize easily. Like an apple for the kitchen or something?"

---

I unzipped my boots and let them fall where they may. Since I was wearing my coveralls, just about everything came off in one go. I'd pulled on a tank top underneath to keep the rougher fabric of the coveralls from chafing my sutures and looking at it now I could see they weren't happy with me. In fact my tank was glued to my skin in a couple of places and peeling it off hurt. I wore no bra--one of the slashes had traveled far enough on my torso to make it too problematic. I pitched my tank over the side and lay down clad in just my skivvies. The vinyl of the exam table was cold and I grimaced tight-lipped at the surgical lamp overhead.

Been staring at those things too damned much lately. Aloud, I said, "Good ideas. See? I knew I couldn't do wrong getting you in on this."

---

"Thanks," came the absent answer. Kiera was already absorbed in the sutures. Her mouth went from a grim line to a grim compressed line. Turning, she went and pilfered through the drawers until she found the supplies she needed. "This is gonna sting a little," she muttered and began to remove the old dressings. The re-bandaging went quickly and efficiently; the antibacterial sprays and moisturizing salves that she administered numbing the wounds a bit. Gathering the remnants of the gory, discolored gauze and bandages, Kiera cleaned up before snapping off her gloves and adding them to the trash. "There's a few spots where another stitch wouldn't hurt you. I used a few butterfly bandages and tightened a few of the wrappings to keep the wounds closed. You don't need any more scars." She quirked a smile. "You fall in a hay baler or somethin'? Got a lot of interesting scars there." She hooked a stool with her foot and pulled it over to sit down on as Rina got dressed. "Or are those the result of your past wound care?"

---

I debated what to tell her as I gingerly sat up. Whatever else you called Kiera, she was damned good at her business--my wounds didn't hurt as much as they'd had. Even so, I was reluctant to get off the table and chase after my clothes. Doing that would require bending over. So I planted a hand to either side of me on the table and shrugged.

"No hay baler. Just life, I guess." I straightened a leg in her direction, the better to show my shin. "Got this one and its mate during my first tour. Girder got me good. Compound fracture. Some infection afterward. Got these about the same time." I tapped my PDT scar and the in-and-out the Lieutenant's bullet had blessed my left arm with. My fingers traveled to my shoulder and traced the scar on my collarbone. "Got this in a fight with a Reaver a little over two years ago. Not fun. Got these," I moved on to Fei Wu Ling's mementos,"oh, last year. August, I think. This one nearly killed me." I tapped it, a thin scarlet line snaking under my right armpit and only now beginning to fade.

I looked down and realized that there was less of me unblemished than that day on Bernadette when Potemkin hired me. In addition to the scars I'd pointed out to Kiera, I had scars on the inside as well. Where they don't show. Then again, don't we all?

"It's not the years. It's the mileage. Or so the saying goes."

---
 
 The redhead laughed softly. "I oughta strip down and let you see mine. My scars are a bit cleaner. . .I know a doctor, but they are there." She fetched Rina's clothes and laid them on the bed beside her. Her eyes crinkled suddenly. "You and me almost naked, looking each other over. Arden would just die."

---

I laughed and immediately stopped.

"Ow." I settled for a grin instead and started easing into my tank. "Yeah. That would have been something. It's okay. You don't have to show me. Although ...," I trailed off as an errant thought hit me and lingered. Vanity, thy name is woman. "You're a plastic surgeon, so you'd know the answer to this one. How hard it is to reduce or remove scars off someone? I suspect it's something you got a lot of requests for, if you dealt with the underworld much."

---

The eyeroll came immediately and Kiera smiled, taking off her shirt and the tank underneath it. "Well, Arden's brain should be exploding now," she observed and turned so that Kiera could see her ribs and back. There was a thin white scar there along with a faint starburst pattern that was visible on her back peeking over the bandages that covered her own torso. "Infected knife wound and shotgun blast. I've got a bullet wound under my collarbone that is almost perfectly gone and two thigh hits that are just hints. There's a few more bullet wounds under these bandages that I'd show you, but I ain't rewrapping myself again today. So, yeah, I can make them go away. Not perfectly. Notice the white shine, but I can help you."

---

"Didn't say it was for me." And by saying that, I might as well have. Idiot.

---

The doctor began to redress as gingerly as her patient. "Did I say you? I meant to say whomever you are asking for. Do forgive me."

---

I pulled my tank all the way down and reached over and straightened the strap on hers. 

“Well, all right. I confess I—,” I broke off as movement caught my eye.  Joshua stood in the doorway and his expression made me wonder just how much he’d overheard and seen.

---

Kiera turned at the pause, following her gaze. Her smile was wicked but her eyes gave away nothing. "Hello sir," she stated.

---

Joshua had just come aft to tell Kiera that he planned to talk to Nika about the eye surgeon. And to apologize to Rina for being so snappy. Instead he had walked past medbay to spy both women in multiple states of undress. He could feel the flush crawling up his face as the blush spread. 

"I just walked in," he said, his gaze shifting between the two of them. "If next time, you could perhaps put a sign on the door or something. They don't close, you know." He was determined not to break and run. He hadn't really seen anything he shouldn't have and he had a legitimate reason to be here, but that of course, might as well have been thrown to the wind.

---

Kiera bit her lip to keep from laughing and turned away to put on her shirt. She glanced to Rina, her face twisting as she tried to smother her giggles.

---

"No doorknob," I deadpanned. "Sorry."

I slid into my coveralls and zipped up, then hesitated reaching for my boots. Though Kiera had picked them up for me, getting them back on was going to require some bending over. I grabbed them and sat down in a chair. Drawing my knees up hurt less. I pulled a boot on and said, "Maybe a curtain. I'm sure I can jerry rig a rod, hang something on it."

---

The red-headed doctor finally sank to her knees, exploding in laughter, finally rolling on her back, helpless in her laughter. It felt almost orgasmic, she thought as the waves of mirth washed over her. God, I needed this. Finally, weak and watery-eyed, she crawled back to her feet. "Well, that exorcised some demons," she announced, hopping up onto the bed to sit and waited to be yelled at.

---

"You think I'm blushing now, wait until I accidentally walk in on someone in the head. Give it some thought, please, Rina." He gave her a half smile, and looked over at Kiera. He could hear her attempts to stop laughing. Joshua sighed. "Kiera, you have the captain's permission to laugh out loud." If she was going to give him the sir, yessir treatment, he wasn't above rubbing it in.

---

"Permission for mirth, sir yes sir!" She snapped a smart salute and then fell back on the bed laughing again.

---

He threw up his hands and walked out of the medbay. Joshua had always known Nika had done a fantastic job as captain. It was only now that he began to understand how fantastic.

---

I took in a deep breath, held it, and got my other boot on. I eyed the line of Joshua's back and reckoned I'd have to see him about this later. Now was not the time. I stretched my legs out to take the weight off my midriff and waited for Kiera to pull herself together. Her laughter was infectious, though, and it cost me a few uncomfortable moments before I could get a grip and resist joining in.

"Ow...," I breathed. 

---

Kiera finally rose from the bed, holding her gut and then her back and then her gut. "Oh, lordy!" she exclaimed. "Owwy, ow, ow, ow! But that felt good." She looked at Rina. "You okay? I know that that didn't help."

---

"I've been better," I said, giving her a lopsided grin. "Lord knows, I've been worse. Hell, I've been dead. Compared to that, this is nothing. Don't worry about it. Hand up?" I added, holding out my hand for an assist.

---

Kiera hopped off the bed, made a face, and then reached out a hand. No pain, no gain, girl she reminded herself as her own body shrieked at her. High pain tolerance was a nice genetic gift. Of course, it was a double-edged sword. She had messed up a lot of body ignoring the pain. Good thing she was a doctor.

---

"Thanks." I nodded and tugged my coveralls straight. "Let's hit the galley. I could use a cold drink before going back to work."  On the way, we discussed the options available for the touch strips and the privacy curtains. It made for diverting conversation as we took our bottled drinks back to engineering and the work that waited for us there.

---