Doctor and Patient

>>>thank you bobby for a lovely RP!!! Kiera's finally beginning to see what Nika sees in Arden.

November 20, 2521
Medbay of the Equinox
1305 hrs, Boros time

Kiera let out a long sigh of pain as she fastened the last piece of gauze in place. She had made certain that Rina was as carefully bundled back into bandages as securely as she could; lord knew that the little engineer wouldn't be careful and would tear and infect every hole that the Stitches had put into her. And she wouldn't complain until she just hit the deck in a pile. But she herself was almost as bad. It was easier to ignore pain than deal with it. That went for emotional as well as physical.

A faint smile slipped over her lips as she remembered Joshua's face in the doorway just hours before, frozen as he had caught she and Rina inspecting each other's scars. He had blushed, somewhat giving lie to the fact that he had seen them only after they had pulled on their tank tops to cover themselves. It had caused her enough mirth that her stomach still ached, along with every cut and bruised part of her body. She still couldn't wrap her head around the fact that he considered her a friend, a friend enough that she could hurt him deeply enough to feel the cold anger that he felt. She had seen it in his eyes, heard it in the crisp bitterness in his voice. It was an alien thing to him, eating the starry-eyed boy within, this anger. An anger that he wrapped himself in so that he would never again show anything but the slightest of sympathy, would not ask how someone was lest he fall into the minefield that Kiera had been. Would he believe that not everyone was Kiera? She could only hope that in time his natural optimism would prevail. The crew and Rina needed the sweet child/man. A stray thought made her teeth grit for a moment. She needed that kind, optimistic crazy boychild too.

But could you miss what you didn't know that you had? Maybe, but it was too damn late. Joshua had said so. She banished the thought. Too damn late, Kiera cat! Let it go!

She sighed, pulling back on her tank and shirt. She had been stingy with the pain-killers and salves; Rina needed them more. But it hurt. No question, she had taken a beating. But she wouldn't let them know; already they had all made it perfectly clear that they had no sympathy for her. All except Rina and Kiera was worried beyond reason that the little engineer had chosen the wrong battle when she chose to forgive Kiera. Rina would have a friend for life; all the loyalty that Kiera possessed and had repressed as her experiences with the underworld had proven loyalty to be a handicap was Rina's to have. If thing didn't change, she'd have to cut ties with Rina so that the engineer wouldn't lose her crew. Kiera was the one that could be gotten rid of. It was much hard to rid oneself of a lover and an engineer.

Nika would probably applaud that. She knew that she was to find her again. To what? Talk? Scream? She shrugged and regretted it as her ribs yelled. Whatever the Captain wanted. She was her whipping boy. Kiera didn't push her into the horrid muck, but she might as well have. That's what they all thought. A part of her shouted "Unfair! Accidents happen! Might as well blame you for the weather or anything that went wrong with the damn ship!" But it was the penance that they wanted. And she'd give it to them as long as she could stand it. She wasn't a saint. Londinium and Sihnon beckoned with the promise of a new start, money, and the worlds and society that she understood. She didn't understand these people; maybe only Rina and the irony wasn't lost on her.

She cleaned up the last of her own gory mess and snapped off her gloves. Arden would kill her if she left a mess. She was certain that he'd kill her anyway from what everyone said. But he had been the one to carry her off the Gift, had saved her life. She owed him that. If he wanted to take back what he had saved, then who was she to argue? She needed to talk to him and just didn't want to. She turned to leave and froze as she saw him in the doorway.

Arden wandered towards the infirmary. He had been in the city doing some work with the orphans there and was back to get some rest. He had been having trouble sleeping lately and he didn't want to turn to medications. Nika was busy with Kevin -- maybe some research time on the computer. He had some ideas about how the optic nerves might react to an esoteric drug one of the nurses at the orphanage had mentioned...

And then he was there. And Keira was too. How should he react? Nika said the she was contrite and wanted to make it up. And to Arden -- she had. But that didn't change the fact that he found her to be cold-blooded, hard-hearted, and downright cruel in her behavior. But that as who she was. Like the scorpion, she couldn't change herself.

Arden sighed, "Keira. Is there something I can help you with?" His expression didn't change and there was no inflection in his voice.

Her mouth opened and then closed, her mind racing for what to say and then just falling flat. "I needed to change my bandages," she said lamely. "I also changed Rina's dressings. She's torn some sutures; you might wanna bug her about that. I can't get her to slow down so I've gotten into just following her and helping her." She turned and retrieved the bag of bio-trash to take it with her. "I didn't want to leave a mess in your medbay. I'll replace what I've used on myself when I can." A tiny uncertain smile found its way onto her face. "Thanks for carrying me out and saving my life." She looked down at her toes and then up at him again. "I didn't intend to leave. But I'm grateful anyway."

Arden nods at her explanation, "Stop. Just sit back down and let me look at it. You can't get the angle you need to make sure the sutures are set properly. Rina I will worry about later, but you are here now, so ... Sit." Arden points at the examining table.

He moves into the room and removes the coat he was wearing revealing the green scrubs underneath. He them moves to wash his hands and collect the supplies he needs.

As he settles down beside her in a med stool (one of the roller kind) he asks, "What do you mean 'you didn't mean to leave?'"

She frowns and does as he asks, disrobing without hesitation. The pain was really making her a bit dizzy; that Stitch had really worked her over. This was no time for modesty and to be honest, she didn’t care what he saw or commented on as long as she felt better when he finished. Blinking into the lights as she lay back for him to examine her, she answered, "I was going to take out Potemkin or die in the process. When I began to black out after trying to kill him and that insane doctor, I kinda hoped y'all would leave and blow the ship. That Stitch had me to rights and I was already mostly bled out. Why slow down to save a corpse when you could have used the time to get away? Not practical, Arden. Not battle smart at all." She inhaled and exhaled, slow and careful. "Besides, wouldn't it have just been easier on everybody if I was dead?"

"Blunt," Arden says as usual as he begins to clean the edges of the wounds. "But as you should know by now, not our way. In fact I think Redemption should be the name of our new ship considering all the second chances and third chances piling up around here. Hell, I wanted Potemkin dead just as much, if not more than you did. And he never betrayed us like you did." He paused for a moment and then went back to the wounds, "The sutures need to come out and be put back in. Let me get a local."

As he did so, he asked Keira, "So why did you betray us? The money? Was it that good a deal?” He doesn't look at her as he says it.

"Redemption would be nice, but too ironic," she countered. She forced to smile as he prepares the shot, watches as he expertly numbs the areas he plans to redo. He's got a sure hand with the needle, not a jabber but someone with the rare skill to slip the needle in with minimal pain. Relaxing as the numbing agent took effect, she watched with interest as he threaded the curved needles and laid out the scissors and scapels that he would need to remove the old sutures and put new ones in. "I wanted Rina to lose the one thing that she cared for. I couldn't and wouldn't harm Joshua, so it had to be the ship. Besides, upseting Rina upset Joshua. Two for one. I know it sounds insane, but I could have financed a new ship for you guys. I had money.”

She felt the tug as he began to remove the old sutures and took a deep breath. "And it wasn't money that Potemkin offered or paid me. It was my money." She lay back to make his job easier; she had angled up to watch him and realized quickly that she was in his way. "So, you said that you wanted Potemkin dead something bad and he didn't betray you. So why did you save me? I'd assume from that statement that you wanted me worse than dead then."

Her eyes found and studied his face, handsome and expressionless. He was a hard one to read. Too damn pretty for his own good and way too in love with Nika for his own good too. That was one emotion he wasn't any good at hiding. The man's heart shone in his eyes for Nika and no deadpan face or contrary comments could hide it. She could only begin to guess what he thought about Kiera's role in Nika's accident and vision loss. She inhaled gently and released it slowly. Probably thought that she'd pushed her into the muck like everyone else. At least if Arden killed her with the shots, he might stay and watch her die. She wouldn't die alone then, hacked apart by a Stitch, or, and she repressed a shudder, gathered up by the doctor and Potemkin for some unholy experiment. Of course, she would have just probably died in the explosion with them. Her mouth quirked. Strange to find solace in that. Better blown up than one of the metal-headed freaks.

Arden was silent as he bent to his work. As he finished up the first suture, he said, "Taking away the Gift hurt us all, not just Rina. And Potemkin... well, if you had asked us we could have told you that the man was a psychopath. And he shouldn't be trusted."

"As for saving you," Arden says. "It was the right thing to do. No more. No less."

Arden paused and then rolled back so he could see Keira's face (or so she could see his face). "Look. I don't trust you. Your actions almost cost me my family and my home. That is a bit much to swallow just cause you were mad at one person. We almost all died. Some of us were hurt more than others. We are in a precarious situation and its going to get even worse since we will probably have to go to the Core in order to get the treatment Nika needs. So I am sure you can see how . . . irritated I am."

They all seemed to think that you stop to have conversations with the people you are angry with to consult with them as to which random person that they pissed off so you don't make an unfortunate alliance with the wrong one. Who knew that you all were capable of mutiny and murder? I sure as hell didn't despite what Potemkin said and yet everything you all hint at is that is exactly what happened. Why would I have asked about Potemkin? Are there more people like him that I need to be aware of?

She sighed, fully looking over his handsome face. The anger was hard to find on his handsome features but it was there. She could finally see it. "Look, there is no sorry that I can say that will make it up to any of you. I can only do my best for you now for as long as you'll have me. Maybe I should have told you all what was on your horizon, but I didn't know the twisted bastard had that in store for you. He didn't exactly detail out his plan to me. I would have just shot him then and there if he had told me that. But I need you to be honest with me now. You just sounded as if going to the Core is dangerous for you all. Why? What do I not know about regarding the Core and this group, Arden? There seems to be a lot that I don't know about y'alls past and it ain't all pretty. Y'all know that I ran with the underworld and with some of the upper crust of the Core. I don't know anything about this crew at all." She looked away, and then added bitterly, "I am a criminal and shyster and I was honest about it. What are you guys?"

"You may not be able to say that you are sorry enough, true," Arden said. Then pointed out, "But you haven't said it once, out loud, to me at least."

"We are who we are," Arden continued. "We got caught up with a Manchurian candidate and Vivian killed the speaker of the house or whatever government the Core has now. We transported her there, helped her get the access she needed, and then tried to help her get away. Before that we freed Mike Carter from Alliance torturers. If we hadn't of done that then the president of the Blue Sun system would still be alive. And we've done humanitarian things as well, saved a little boys life, worked on the cure for the prion disease, transported medical supplies, and other stuff."

Arden sighed, "You know there is no such thing as good and evil. It's all subjective. We just do the best we can. I guess what I am trying to say is the reason I don't trust you now is I don't believe that you did the best you could. If you had, you would have known about Pokemkin and not set up."

She angled herself up on her elbows to better look at him. "I am sorry, Arden. It breaks my heart to see Nika and I know that you believe that I should have researched Potemkin better. But I wasn't taking resumes or auditioning villains to torture you guys. I owed Byshek for paying him back late; Russians don't forget such things and the longer you wait the worse you owe them. And he offered Potemkin. I asked questions, but it doesn't seem to occur to anybody that either of them would have been honest. I could have quizzed them until I was blue in the face, but you know,” and her voice became a bit sarcastic, "they didn't have a reason to be honest and I didn't have the luxury of time. Got plenty of time for hindsight now and a lot of help looking back tho’." She fell back, rather than lay down and it hurt bad and she didn't care. "Damn, but you've pissed off every high up asshole that you could piss off. Who was Vivian and how did you know her? I vaguely remember the name from the reports in the news feeds. So you've been linked to the murders of two highly placed government officials? Gorram, Arden! Y'all are----” She broke off and shook her head. "I've not done anything to touch that. And you finish with 'we've done nice things too?' Dear God!" She groaned and closed her eyes. What else had these people done?! She had to get Nika in the Core to find Hannibal and they were fugitives from justice? Maybe she could bring Hannibal here?

After a moment, she pounded the bed. "Damn you all! Who else murders are y'all linked with? What else is waiting for y'all in the Core?!" She pulled herself up again, aware even through the numbness that something tore with the abrupt movement. "I've got a associate who is one of the best eye surgeons in or outside of Sihnon and any other planet. If Nika’s eyes can be fixed or replaced, he's the best and she won't be waiting forever on a gorram list. I tried to see if it was any good to get her on the list and moved up, but even my family's name isn't enough. I've gotten the platinum to pay Hannibal and I was going to start to track him down, but now, now, I find out that you can't go to the cursed Core 'cus you're wanted by every last government there." She rolled her eyes, frustrated and irritated beyond her capacity to hide anymore. "I can't take this anymore. I can't take this!" She twisted to get off the table.

"You know," Arden pointed out calmly, "You're the one getting upset and hysterical. Stop, take a deep breath and sit back down. Or I'll put you in traction until your wounds heal."

"Look," he continues, "My point wasn't that we were bad or good or did or didn't have a price on our head. My point was that we, all of us, have been through the fires of hell and come out stronger because of it. Yeah there are places and people where we aren't welcome, but that's nothing we can't work around. And we work around them *together*.

"In fact," Arden says as he comes back to the table with the new supplies, "That is what I am angry the most about. See, we are get angry, we work it out. What you did on the other hand, brought a third party, one of deadliest enemies, into the quarrel you had with Rina.

"So, if you are willing to do that, how can we trust you to be a part of our family?"

She did as he said, breathing to let the frustration go. She had no doubt that Arden would put her in traction; she'd have done the same. She rolled back and lay down again to let him begin again. He was right of course and she needed his good will to get Nika to agree to let her try to get Hannibal to work on her. "Arden, I wasn't part of your family before. At least I didn't feel that way. You all might have felt that way towards me, but. . ." She paused, her face growing serious. "I wasn't someone you wanted in your family. I didn't feel that I was good enough to be a member of your little family."

Despite being encased in gloves, his hands felt warm as he probed her injuries and cleaned them. It was strangely comforting, being cared for with the methodical precision of a trained doctor. It was the most professionally dispassionate that she had seen him and she found herself finally relaxing. "I know that you don't want me included now. But I'm trying Arden. I'm sorry, but I wasn't ready for any of you before and I didn't think that I wanted to be part of anything family-like. I didn't feel what you all seemed to feel towards me."

She paused again, trying to find the right words, words that wouldn't drive a further wedge between them. Words were her enemy and her friend now, but she didn't know the right ones to express herself now that the time for sarcasm was over. The awkwardness was unfamiliar and she shook her head, bothered by the feeling. "I needed time to figure out just what I was feeling. I was overwhelmed and I reacted horribly. I had to make you all stop caring. Anything to make those feelings stop. It was irrational and inexcusable and I'm sorry. My own family is so dysfunctional that you cannot comprehend what it was like. It's no excuse, but I am what they and my experiences have shaped me to be." She closed her eyes and her voice came tired and worn. "I'm trying. I'm trying to change. I'm trying to be human. I'm trying; I can't do anything else. I'm not asking for forgiveness or acceptance. Just let me help Nika and try to prove to you that I'm not all bad."

Arden nodded, though she couldn't see him. "I know you aren't bad Keira. I never said you were. I guess I'm angry because I trusted you despite. After all, if you treat everyone as enemies, or not-friends, then you can't be hurt or betrayed like you did us. But on the other hand, you also have no one to get your back if you need it. And I am more than willing to talk with you about what you and your friend can do for Nika. All the things I've been seeing have been either to experimental or too expensive for what needs to be done." Arden uses his clamps to tie off a suture, the starts on the next wound. "But trust is going to be hard to gain now. In the future, we shall see."

Kiera nodded. "I'm willing to work on it, Arden. Best I can promise." She sighed, feeling the tugs. "Thank you for this. All of it. The past and the future."

Arden shrugs, but the motion is felt more than seen, "Keira, I want to trust you and rely on you, but that is going to be a long hard road. However, tell me more of the avenue you have for Nika....?"

Go back to: Timeline Season Four, April 2521 to Dec 2521
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