Forgotten Freedom:41
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Jarlot: Well gentlemen, I've now developed a new plan for world domination....
Crew: Groan.
Jarlot: Well not quite, actually. Do to my troubles in courting Aerith I've decided to split myself into two people with one of them containing all the
qualities that would make her love me and... the rest.
Ketler: You know, I really should stop trying to help you with these plots.
Michael: How will this achieve world domination?
Jarlot: I've been taking lessons from the Brain.
1. Split myself into two people. 2. ??? 3. World Domination.
Kithle: Oh hell...
Jarlot: In any case, I expect that this plan will result in all of you dying... in which case... I don't care.
- turns around to enter a large eldritch machine*
Aerith: You know, I wonder if he ever considered flowers and candy as a way of courting.
- Jarlot is kicked in the head by Tifa*
Tifa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please, my Lord! Don't sully your perfection by removing any qualities that would make you more likeable to that pink
haired *****.
- grabs his legs in a death grip*
Aerith: You know, I don't believe she likes me.
Jarlot: Ketler, crowbar....
- Ketler hands him one as Tifa is slowly pried off of him*
Tifa: NO! MY LORD! I WORSHIP YOU! I SHALL KILLLL FOR YOU! Do you want me to my player and thus end my existence? I SHALL!
- Tifa pops off and then grabs at his legs again*
- Jarlot drags himself into the machine as it starts whirling*
- It's then a huge spiky-haired giant sword-wielding guy walks out*
Lot: Duhhhh....
Aerith: :inlove:
Terra: Aerith likes stupid bishies?
Michael: Wow *sarcasm* Didn't see THAT coming.
- machine moans the wails of the damned*
However, the second person to walk out is very………… freaky.
It is a combination of Jarlot as a Bill Gates-like nerd and Tifa.
Tifa Voice: Yes! Now I shall be a part of you always!
Jar and Lot: NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! You can't! Each piece was supposed to be perfect in its own right……… Why are my two pieces talking at the same time?
Kantash: And they're moving at the same time, too.
Jar and Lot: IGOR!
Igor (appearing behind Jar/Lot): You called, mathter?
Jar/Lot: You've served under the most insane people in history. Tell me, what went wrong here?
Igor: Mathter, you are Jarlot. You are not thome thimple perthon, not jutht the captain of the Forgotten Freedom. You have mayhem and chaoth in your very
being. A trivial mathine thuthh ath thith could never truely theparate you. It would require the power of the thun, pluth the addithion of thpethially
prepared dead flethh.
Jar/Lot: But where in Khyber would a process like that…
Then he remembers Silver and the regurgitation of the elves.
Jar/Lot: If it'll get rid of Tifa, too, I'll go through anything.
Norbaz walks out on deck with a hang glider and proceeds to get ready to cast off. Klaz notices and walks over.
Klaz: Oi mate. Headin' off fer another job then? Who ya gonna hit, some wicked tough sheila? Maybe a head of state? Crickey, are you going after a king?
Norbaz: Oh, no. Actually I'm heading out to help Marish with some shopping. She gave me a list and asked me to help out, with my own money. I'll see
everyone in Sharn in a few days.
Klaz: Wait... what?
Norbaz: And don't worry about food, I stockpiled an extra, extra amount of chili for the next few meals along with some extensive fish buffet dishes. It was
requested the Chili be mild, so I hope everyone enjoys the change of pace.
Klaz: Oi, uh, who requested the mild chili?
Norbaz: Oh, Marish.
Klaz: Of course.
Norbaz: Well, I'll be back later, have a nice day.
The half giant leaps off the ship with the hang glider and floats off into the distance.
Klaz: Crikey... I do think he was charmed...
Meanwhile, below decks.
Satnak enters the storage room of the kitchen, with intent upon having some of the fresh batch of chili that she heard Norbaz making earlier. Having the
spoon is nice and all, but sometimes, you just want something not magically prepared. She cracks open one of the barrel lids and lifts it up to take a long
gulp. Suddenly she stops and spits what was in her mouth onto the floor, a look of utter horror etched across her features.
Satnak: It... it... it... no... can't be.... it's....(tears well up in her eyes as she dons an angry expression) NORMAL CHILI!!!!!!!!!!! WHO DO I ZORCH FOR
THIS!!???
Satnak - THIS WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED.
The world trembles as Satnak prepares her most dangerous assortment of soulmelds, including the Three-fold mask and totem avatar.
Satnak - WHERE IS NORBAZ? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS TRAVESTY?
Kanatash: (from several decks below) Well it sounds like Satnak's on the warpath.
Kithle: And what's new about that?
Kanatash: Oh, nothing really. You know sometimes I wonder if Ketler's helmet really worked. She's supposed to some kind of polar opposite of me but she
seems to take after me quite a bit at times.
Kithle: Well it wouldn't be the first time Ketler's screwed something up, but my money says it was the arm that did it. Absolute power corrupting and all
that. If she really did clone wrong and failed to meet the prerequisites of the arm the it would have malfunctioned.
Kanatash: Malfunctioned? How?
Kithle: Hard to say, depending on how wrong it went the effects could range from it ceasing to function to imploding and taking everything in a five mile
radius with it.
Kanatash: Assuming she originally met them, what would happen if she stopped meeting the preresquisites for the arm to function?
Kithle: (looking worried) Uh, good question. I suppose it could cause a malfunction if she became truly evil and corrupt.
Kanatash: Turning evil and corrupt as in wreaking bloody revenge on the cooky for failing to provide her with her favorite food, threating the entire crew to
get what she wants, developing a raging addiction to chili, and zorching things more or less indiscriminately?
Kithle: ... We should probably look into this.
Terra sits moping in the mess hall, Tifa mocking her mercilessly.
Tifa: HA! Who's game is better? MINE! I got to be in state of the art CG animation and you didn't! Ha-ha!!
Terra: SHUT UP!
Tifa: NEVER! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Terra: You were barely in it! The only battle you really fought in you got your a** handed to you, and Cloud paid more attention to Aeris than you!
Tifa: *gasp* That's a lie! You take that back!
Aerith: I got to heal everyone! YAY ME!!!
Terra: (to Aerith) QUIET, YOU! (back to Tifa) You got knocked out how many times? Playing the whole damsel in destress card a little often, aren't we?
Tifa: OH, THAT DOES IT!!!
The two begin trashing the place, with the rest of the crew a safe distance away.
Allen: Shouldn't we stop them?
Ketler: (eating popcorn) Are you insane?! The only way this could get better is if Ninja Jaela joined in dressed as Yuffie!
Michael: :plotting: I wonder if it'd be possible to get them into the wrestling ring filled with jello up on deck...
Kithle: (whacks him with Death Paper) Bad Michael! No plotting!
Jarlot: (currently filming) That's it guys, I'm gonna have to charge you for this one.
All other present crew: Awwwwww.....
Brain: Pathetic. Just pathetic. It's clearly obvious that I am meant to rule the world. The way flesh-based lifeforms get distracted so easily.
Phollie: I thought you said we were trying to make Ninja Jaela into Pirate Jaela.
Brain: But you see, that's just the first part of my brilliant plan:
1. Prove that ninja/pirate conversion works. 2. Send conversion headgear to every pirate in the world. 3. Overrun the world with lawful ninjas. 4. Once the ninjas realize that my warforged nature and superior intelligence make me the perfect candidate to help them keep their "honor" intact, they will
make me their leader. 5. Shift the focus of Eberron from swashbuckling adventures and pulp action to an intrigue-laced Oriental ninja-assasin game. 6. Complete and total domination of the world.
Phollie: Wow, that's a lot more planning than when you were Dr. Evil.
Kithle: I didn't include the step where I get rid of you.
Brain: Oh, hello fellow crewmember. What causes you to engage in conversation with such inferior beings such as ourselves?
Kithle: Can the act. I've got a Half-Illithid Empire to found, and I don't want to deal with a bunch of stupid honor-obsessed ninjas. They never see the
big picture, always s focused on retaking honor that they don't realize that then someone from that family has to get the honor back, etc.
Brain just stands still for a moment.
Brain: Run!
Kithle: Oh no you don't.
Kithle unleashes a blast of grease, expertly tripping Brain. The helmet slips from his grasp, bouncing into the air and coming directly down on top of
Phollie, who scoots off before anyone can see if there are effects. Kithle places one foot on Brain.
Brain: Ha, you can't eat my brain! I don't have one!!
Kithle: Oh, I'm not going to eat your brain. I'm going to clean it out.
He puts his hands together, then draws them apart to reveal a mindblade in the shape of a thick piece of string.
Kithle: This is something Silver came up with. She calls it a mental keelhauling.
Brain: What—AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! NO, NOT THE RULES ON ATTACK OF OPPORTUNITY! AAAAAAAAAAAAA! THE MANY WAYS TO BREAK POLYMORHPH!! INSANITY! NO, NOT—
Kithle: Yes, TRUENAME MAGIC!
Brain: AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH! *clunk*
Kithle: So, how do you feel, Stupid?
Stupid: Duh…
Kithle: I would now like to inform the crew that stupid warforged jokes are back on.
Trying Kithle's suggestion, Terra continues work on diluting the strength of her potion, tentatively named the 'Potion of Badassification" (which doesn't
exactly roll off the tongue, but I'm working on it). :D
Terra: Grrr. Stabilizing this is harder than I thought...
The first two attempts had turned into goo, and rather foul smelling goo at that. So far, this one seemed to be going better. Until, of course, it started
smoking.
Terra: Uh-oh...
[SIZE=5]KABOOOOOOOOOM!!!!![/SIZE]
(elsewhere)
Pholly: I DIDN'T DO IT!!!!
Kanatash: Since you're right here, that may actually be true.
(back in Terra's lab)
Terra: (covered in black soot) *hack*Well*cough*that didn't go as planned.
She had managed to stymie most of the explosion with a quick ball of Psionic energy around the beaker, but it still produced quite a lot of smoke.
Terra: Much as I hate to ask for help, perhaps Kithle can be of some assistance with this one...
Kithle - Well the first step is to find Folly, and get that helmet off him.
Terra - why?
Kithle - I have found that certain chemicals in their systems are very good at stabilizing chemical reactions and this is what keeps their own aura of
alchemical mayhem from turning their blood into acid.
Terra - why go after the one with the helmet?
Kithle - one because I want to destroy the helmet, two because I've been torturing Pholly since I got here, I'm just being fair to Phollie/folly.
Terra - Wow, that's either just or just plain wrong.
Just after the explosion of the beaker:
Crow: I think I can help there.
Crow has somehow appeared on Terra's shoulder during the cloud of smoke without her even noticing.
Terra: And what can you offer?
Crow: A piece of advice.
Terra (standing): And why is that any different than going and seeing Kithle?
Crow: You are trying to create power without balance. That always ends in disaster.
Terra: That's why I'm trying to dilute it. And get off my shoulder.
Crow flies over to land next to the remains of the beaker.
Crow: But you don't necessarily need to dilute it. If you changed the drawback you could eliminate the vulnerability at the end in exchange for… say… being
too stupid to use the powers.
Terra: I'm going to assume that wasn't a serious suggestion. So you're saying that instead of diluting it I just change what is does? No thanks. I'm
perfectly content with the positive effects, just not the negative ones.
Crow: But powers of red fall easily to powers of blue.
Terra: What? Is this some of that "outside of existence" stuff that Kithle was telling me about.
Crow: Sorry, I expressed it in terms not used in this existence. You see, power has always fallen to subtlety. Great armies fall because of bad
intelligence. The dark wizard has a weakness that he's too confident to bother to fix. The ones with power that survive have realized they need a backup
plan. The more one relies on power the more one forgets that thought beats all.
Terra: Sa'vor—
Crow: —is constantly visited by various people from his past who try and destroy him. Plus he's created an army of half-dragons. He knows that his own
power won't always be enough to save him.
Terra: Kithle—
Crow: —doesn't actually do much, now does he? He's not rushing into this Illithid Empire of his. He's taken the time to think how he wants it to run. He
still remembers to think.
Terra: Kanatash—
Crow: —is completely insane. His hobby is driving other people insane. He's going to try to destroy the world, yes, but he's not in a hurry. He's more
interested in being insane.
Terra thinks. She tries to think of how all the powerful people in the world have ended up. Of course, most not-powerful people end up dead, but that's
often preferable to what the übers go through. Was there anyone else that typified success of pure power?
Terra: What about… me?
Crow: You of all should know that in creating a network, in even creating that potion, that the power you have is miniscule compared to your mind.
Terra: But you can't always rely on the mind. Smart people have limits. And when they reach those limits it's always the powerful that crush them.
Crow: Well… you existers say that knowledge is power. Perhaps everything loses out in the end.
Crow flies up off the table, flapping his wings but not moving in the air. A hole in the fabric of space opens up behind him.
Crow: What will you do with your power? If you have a mind you know what to do with it. If you're just powerful without a mind, what's the point?
Terra (just as Crow turns to fly into the hole): Wait. What about you and Silver? I hear you two can do some pretty powerful things.
Crow: But we are random. Our powers have no purpose. I mean just yesterday we arranged for Aurala and Jaela to meet in costume at a tantric party.
Terra: Tantric party? In costume? You have a dirty mind.
Crow: No, just a random one. You see, if we don't do anything sensible, we can be as powerful as we want. Think about it.
With that Crow disappeared into the hole, which emitted a slip of paper saying "Please deposit soul if you wish for nothing to come out again."
Terra, now back in her lab cleaning up, hears a knock at her door. She gets up and answers it. Outside is Volrath, shivering violently. Volrath : Gimme, gimme, gimme! I need my fix. I know you have some. (teeth chattering together.) Terra : What do you say? Volrath : Now!... er please? Terra : Good boy, here you go. She hands him an ornate silver flask. Volrath : Mystery flask! He quickly downs the entire drink. This causes his pupils to grow to fill up his entire eyes and bleed out of them. Volrath (running finger up and down lips) : Brbrbrbrbrbrrbrbrbrbrbrbrbbrb. Volrath disappears in a puff of smoke.
Kithle: He does have a point, despite how weirdly he said it.
Terra: I know, it just bothers me. I'm fully aware of the limits of power. That's why I prefer to use my own only when necessary. But I'm also aware of the limits of my intellect. Strength without purpose is meaningless, but purpose without strength is equally meaningless.
Kithle: So that's why you didn't try toning it down before? You're trying to find a middle ground?
Terra: Yeah. Falling back on power is an alluring trap, so I wanted it to be a last option. I'm doing it now because I thought you had a reason for it.
Kithle: Oh, I do. I was hoping that you might be able to mitigate the extreme rebound in exchange for a smaller boost. Something that wouldn't leave us so vulnerable during the cleanup.
Terra: This one is proving to be a challenge. Usually when I work, I can see what I want and roughly how to get there. It's like how Sa'vor can tell an opponent's strength at a glance, I can normally tell what the end result will be before I even start.
Kithle: Chemist's block?
Terra: I don't know. Ever since Sutekh attacked, I just haven't felt right.
Kithle: I thought you blocked him out.
Terra: No, he just couldn't get anything at the time. Had I met him face to face, things might have gotten ugly.
Kithle: I think I know what you're talking about. I found a walled off area in your mind when I scanned you.
Terra: Even I don't know what's behind it. I guess... in a way, I was hoping he could knock it down.
Kithle: Well, my advice is not to concern yourself with it. Since you have no access to it, it doesn't really have any bearing on who you are or what you've become. Concentrate on the here and now. If you are meant to know it, you'll find out when the time comes.
Terra: It's always odd to hear you talk like that.
Kithle: I can't be a bastard all the time. :D
A silent shadow moves through the Forgotten Freedom. However, this is Jingo. Folly creates so much noise that even the normally hard-of-hearing little old dwarf lady notices. Phollie wasn't much of a pirate. Folly isn't much of a ninja.
Folly is in one of the least-used corridor of the FF… though with all the extra-dimensional space on this thing there are a lot of spare corridors. This one appears to be lined with elegant ebony, which combines with the lack of lighting to make Folly crash into everything.
Finally, after crashing into one wall too many, Folly decides he's taken enough abuse.
Folly: You have sullied my honor. Prepare to face death.
Folly draws his short sword. However, this happens to be a rather sharp kitchen knife, which cuts through the rope holding his pants up.
Folly: Die………ken!
Folly trips over his pants, falling face-first instead of knife-first into what turns out to be a door. The knife flies out of his hands. The door has a pivot instead of hinges, so it swings out behind Folly. He tries to pick himself up, pulling up his pants and retieing the rope, the knife meanwhile slicing the seat open.
Folly (not able to see a thing): So, you fight like a dishonorable coward. You are not worthy of my blade. I turn my back on you, son of a she-dog.
The door swings back to hit Folly in the face.
Folly: What? You wish to press me? You insult me again? Then honor demands that I kill even an unworthy foe such as yourself.
Folly throws a shuriken.
Which is expertly caught by a feminine hand.
Folly stares. In front of him is an immense hot tub, filled with pink bubbles. At the far end, only visible from her shoulders up, is a beautiful female half-elf with tan skin and reddish-brown hair. She examines the shuriken for a moment, then discards it with one hand.
Female: Come here[, she says without any seduction in her voice, beckoning with a finger.]
Folly obeys out of no source he can understand. He walk over to her on top the pink bubbles, not even stepping hesitantly.
Female: Give me the helmet.
Folly pulls the helmet out of the pocket of holding he'd sewn in. He hands it to her.
She examines it, but not very enthusiastically.
Female: Pitiful thing.
Then she opens her mouth wide. An aura flows from the helmet into her mouth with the sound of a great inbreath. The female's mouth shuts with a snap as the helmet dissolves.
Female: That will be all. You may go.
Folly turns, only to bump straight into Kithle.
Kithle: How did you get here?
Folly: But—I—
He looks around. He's somewhere in the more well-traveled sections of the ship. The dark walls, the hot tub, the pink bubbles, and the female half-elf are gone.
Kithle (picking Folly up): Well, come on. I need the helmet and your blood. I think I'll take out a little of your blood first to make you talk.
Folly: S—s—s—
Kithle: Spit it out!
Folly: She ate it!
Kithle: She ate the helmet? Talk sense, your mind isn't.
Folly: She eats magic!! Norbaz's chili spoons aren't safe!!!
Kithle: I think Satnak would kill anyone who tried that.
Kithle returns with Phollie/Folly's blood.
Kithle: What's up with Volrath? He's acting weird. Er... weirder than normal. I just saw him in four places at once doing four separate stupid things.
Terra: (holds up the flask she gave Volrath) Oh, I finally found something that works on him. It more or less turns him into a harmless, jibbering idiot for about a day. I won't tell him what it is, so he just calls it Mystery Flask.
Kithle: Ooookay...
Kithle hands over the vial of blood. Terra puts a little on her finger and tastes it.
Kithle: Uh... what are you doing?
Terra: If it's a natural substance, I can tell what's in it by taste. It's a bit of a difficult skill to master, but very handy.
Kithle: Uh-huh...
Terra thinks for a moment, then her eyes light up.
Terra: That's it!
She begins working furiously, distilling the blood and adding a few compounds to it.
Kithle: What's this, all of a sudden?
Terra: (still working) I was thinking about what you said, and the spark just kind of came back to me. Once I knew what I was working with, I could see what I had to do. I should be done with this in a few hours.
Kithle: Glad to hear it. I'm gonna go see about getting Folly turned back into Phollie.
Terra: (looking up for a moment) Hey, how come, even though they don't sound any different, we all know if were talking about Pholly, Phollie, or Folly?
Kithle: Plot device, my dear. Plot device.
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